Pushing You to Dream

I ORDER you, to D-R-E-A-M, N-O-W!!!  But, but, but, I’m NOT even sleepy yet…

Pushing you to dream, because I was NEVER pushed, hard enough to dream, and had I been, I would’ve done great things, achieved wonders, and, because I don’t want that missed opportunity to be missed by you again, that, is why I’m pushing you so hard.

Pushing you to dream, and dreams will become imposing, even IF at the very start of your dreams, your dreams are what you wanted.  Pushing you to dream, because I’m the adult, and I KNOW what’s BEST for my child, you, and, you have NO other way, but DO as you’re told!!!

Pushing you to dream, you’ll thank me one day, but, you will hate me, for imposing those dreams onto you, and, there’s NOTHING I can do about that, because I am the parent, and I don’t want the same things that happened to me (being deprived of my own dreams!!!) to happen to you, that, is W-H-Y I’m pushing you SO hard to dream, don’t you see, child, it’s ALL for your benefits.  Sure don’t feel like it though………

 

 

 

 

 

 

Someone Else Became the Determinant of Your Futures

This, is NOT only JUST bad, it’s also, very, STUPID too!!!  Someone else became the determinant of your futures, so, where is the YOU?  Oh yeah, that got submerged “under water”, didn’t it?  And, it’d been working hard, to get MORE air, but, its head kept getting PINNED down into the waters…

Someone else became the determinant of your futures, because you’d gone according to someone ELSE’s plans for you, lived the life that someone ELSE wanted you to have, perhaps, because they couldn’t have their lives their ways, so now, because you are the “fruits” from their “loins”, they believed, that they can DIRECT your lives.

Someone else became the determinant of your futures, and, there’s NOTHING you can do, you’d already relinquished control over your lives to that person a very long time ago, didn’t you?  And now you want the control back?  What makes you think, that they’re just gonna return it BACK to you?  Because it’s your lives that’s at stake here?  Think again!!!  Because NOBODY, after gaining CONTROL of someone else’s life, after they’d had that first taste of P-O-W-E-R and CONTROL will EVER get OFF of that addiction train!!!

Someone else became the determinant of your futures, so, IF that plan failed to work out, you can blame the person who took control, can’t you?  After all, you’d NEVER had the RIGHT to choose H-O-W you wanted to live your lives, did you?  Of course N-O-T…

The Profiles of a Bomber

Is it a man, a woman, a black person (sorry???), Asian, Indian, Pakistani, Iraqi, or whatever?

It might be surprising, for you all, to find that picture of the bomber who’s now, convicted of MASS murder, holding a cute kitten, because it just doesn’t FIT the “slot” in our minds for what bombers should look like.

And so, what, does a TYPICAL bomber look like?  Does he (what makes you believe, that bombers are all males???) wear ALL black and dress up in Gothic attire (with the black lipsticks, the black nail polish, in the black long coat, black boots?).

The profiles of a bomber?  There isn’t one, because, uh, PSYCHOS come in all shapes, sizes, races, age, etc., etc., etc., etc., so, STOP stereotyping people based off of the way they’re dressed, they looked, or IF their skin colors are of a different shade than yours, because there is NO set way that a bomber should look like, heck, for all you know, I may be a PSYCHO killer, with my long scythe (that’s left to me by Mr. Ripper, G???), HACKING people up right now…

Unless the dude or the dudette has a FUCKING (oopsy!!!) T-A-T-T-O-O across her OR his forehead that says, “hi, I’m a BOMBER”, then, don’t assume, otherwise, you would’ve SOLIDIFIED your names as ASSholes there, ‘k???  Yeah, uh-huh!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Allowance of Half a Million Dollars

On marriage, translated…

My close friend, Ling, ever since she’d married rich, she’d officially became one of the “well-to-do ladies”.  Other than living in a huge mansion, enjoying the services of the maids, after having a son for her mother-in-law’s household, every month, she’d gotten an extra half a million dollars in allowance too.  But, out of all our expectations, just last month, Ling and her husband signed the divorce settlements.

“Why?  Had it been me, with half a million coming into my accounts every month, I’d put up with it no matter what!”, our friend, A said.

“Half a million dollar is NO small amount, it’s hard for me, to get just $5,000N.T. from my husband, did Ling BUMP her head and get a concussion?”, B chimed in.

As the friends started wondering, this gift that dropped into her laps, how can she just let it go so easily?

One day, I’d bumped into Ling whom I hadn’t seen for a very long time on the streets, after a conversation, I’d learned, that it wasn’t easy, marrying into a rich family after all.

Ling told me, that everything that happened in the house, she MUST report to her mother-in-law on.  And that she must behave in accordance to how the high end lifestyle requires of her, that if she doesn’t, then, the outside world will shun on her; she couldn’t even call up her own parents anymore, along with her former classmates and friends too.

What’s more outrageous, was that within six months of getting married, Ling’s husband had affairs, and, at home, he’d use verbal abuse and hit her too, but, as they’d gone out into the public, he’d acted all kind and all that toward her, pretended that they’re happily married, as for her children, the elders in the house stepped in to “take care”, and after their spoiling them rotten, they’d become too spoiled, and they’re NOT afraid of any adults at all.

And all of this, had broken Ling, she’d taken her beaten up body and her shattered mind, asked for a divorce.  For Ling, the monthly payment of half a million dollars in alimony is NOTHING, she’d rather have just FIVE minutes of time when she can breathe freely.

As someone’s wife too, I saw Ling, I got reminded of how easily I lived, that even though, I didn’t have the flashy titles, without the wealth, but my family is very tightly-knit, and we’d understood one another, encouraged each other too, and all of this, you can’t buy with money, and I was, all of a sudden, filled with a TON of gratitude.

I hope, that after the divorce, Ling can find what truly makes her happy.

And so, this woman, even though she’s married rich, she’s NOT happy, and that just shows you, that you should not just LOOK at the surface of things, and, that half a million dollar in allowance or spending cash is still WORTHLESS to this woman here.

Just a Little Bit More

The ins and outs of life, translated…

My second grade son, Yuan has type A personality, he’d rushed through everything, eating, bath, his assignments.  The good thing about it is that he doesn’t need me to nag him to finish his homework, he’d be done in half an hour; the downside to his personality is that he’s way too careless, and would make easy-to-catch mistakes.

Started in his first grade year, his teacher told me, that Yuan would finish his exams very quickly, but, it’s either that he’d missed a problem, or that he’d made a mistake on the calculations.  I’d wondered, when, will he change this bad habit too.

This time after the exams, on the morning right afterwards, his teacher congratulated me, said that Yuan finished his test slower this time, and had gotten a perfect score in math!  I was so glad, but I’d thought greedily, if he could score as the top three, then, I should be happy, but, he’d ended up as the eighth top scorer, and my original gladness was replaced with disappointment instead.

There was once more, when I didn’t win any cash prizes from the receipts, but later, I’d gotten a text message, said that I’d won a ticket, I was glad for a second, and, the greed came up again, could it be, that I’d won the million dollar prize?  In the end, it was only $200N.T.s, and, my joy turned into disappointment, once more.

I believe, that this sort of “If only I can get a bit more” mindset had made me unsatisfied and unhappy, I must learn to think positively, actually, compared to a lot of others, I am already beyond lucky.

And so, this is, once again, how holding an expectation can only lead to disappointment, and yet, this woman still hadn’t learned her lessons fully yet.

The S.O.S. from the Child

Paying a little MORE attention, translated…

That child is a third grade student who lives in the opposite alley, on that last row of small houses, she’d just moved here not very long ago.  Every day after school, she’d hauled along her backpack, go into the grandmother’s noodle shop, ordered a bowl of noodle soup, this, was her last meal of the day.

From time to time, when she’d finished with the food, she’d bring her own soup bowl to the outside into the sinks, and would even help taking UP other customers’ bowls and chopsticks, and, she’d waited until the shop’s about to close, then, wave goodbye unwillingly.

Grandma is somewhat troubled, because the child actively helped, and so, she wouldn’t charge her for the food.

This day, she’d come again after school, still ordered up a bowl of noodle sup, she’d eaten it very slowly, as if she’s stalling.  And, she’d still took the bowl, the chopsticks into the sink in the back, and helped wiping up all the tables, and, no matter how the elderly shop owner consoled her to go home early, she just wouldn’t.  And, she’d glance over at the elderly woman who owned the shop with her innocent eyes, and would lower her head, in the end, she said, in a shaky voice, “I don’t dare go home”.

Turns out, that back when she was in the first grade, her mother left home, and she’d followed her father who’d worked odds and ends.  The father was generally kind to her, but lately, he couldn’t find work, and took up drinking, and, every time he’d gotten drunk, he’d thrown things.  She’s so very scared, she’d always waited until her father’s asleep, then, she headed home.

Turns out, she’s looking for a safe harbor.

After the old lady learned the reasons, she was willing to help her father out, gave him a part-time delivery gig, and, he’d promised to allow the child to help out clean up the tables in the shop, to pay for her dinners.

The elderly woman’s act of kindness started getting talked of in this small community of ours, and, everybody also helped the father to find a good job.

The child, because of her helplessness, started behaving abnormally, it might be a call for help, we can choose to ignore it, and we can give a helping hand from time to time.  This, would be the best example, with everybody chipping in to help out, the result is finally well.

And so, the woman in the noodle shop paid attention to the child’s behavior, and, gotten to know why she’s behaving like so, and, offered a workable solution to her problems, and, that, is all it takes, a little care and concern, to SHOW that someone cared, and that, would help someone out.

Feelings of Warmth and Care at the Turn of One’s Life

Dealing with the diagnosis of cancer, coping, translated…

In September of 2011, right after my thirty-first birthday, as I was about to shine in my new workforce, and I was more than steady with my boyfriend whom I’d dated for ten years, with loving parents, I thought, this, is as good as it gets.

Without knowing, that life had thrown me a curve ball, and it’d rampaged my steady life, I was diagnosed with the second stage of colon cancer.

And because the cyst is just 3.5 centimeters away from my anus, the doctors had to remove my anus surgically, and, make the opening of my colon into my new anus.

After the opinions of four separate doctors, and six sleepless nights, I’d decided to accept this gift endowed to me by God, Cancer.

I’d gotten surgery to remove the tumor, after thirty times of radiation therapy, taking chemo orally for two and a half years.

Recalling how much pain there was right after the surgery, how the skin around my treatment area had hurt making it difficult for me to walk around, and putting up with the side effects of chemo, and getting used to my artificial anus, the hardships became like a dream to me.

From when I’d learned I had cancer to now, it’s been two and a half years already, and now, I still go back to my regular check ups, but I’d learned to hold conversations with my body, and be at peace with it.

Even though, after the cancer, I could NOT return to my original work post, and I’d become a handicap, but what’s more was that cancer had taught me what love is, with the care, accompaniment, along with kindness of my friends and families, along with the kindness, the cares and the concerns from the medical staff, it’d made me realize how beautiful the world is, it’d allowed me to see the rainbow, at the turn of my life.

And now, I’d become active in the cancer support groups, to share with others my feelings of going through the treatments, and I’d gone back to help out with the cancer scanning at the hospitals, hoping I can help other who get diagnosed.

Cancer is NOT scary, there’s NOTHING to be ashamed of for being a handicap, we MUST look toward to tomorrow with hope, because a brand new day is waiting for us.

And so, this, is what you’d arrived at, after you’d gotten better, and, sometimes, it DOES take something serious like this, for you, to realize which are the priorities of your lives, and gladly, this woman was able to find her purpose.

Relived Your Last Moments

You had, relived your last moments, filled with PAIN, because you had to live with that bad “bug” called C-A-N-C-E-R, and, in the end, they still couldn’t save ya!!!

Relived your last moments, that, is what you will forever BE doing, you will be “walking” in the ‘tween places, between the living AND the dead, in L-I-M-B-O.

Relived your last moments, but, unlike the “original version” of you from before, you do NOT get to DIE off that easily, NOT this time ‘round.  Relived your last moments, and you will continue, to run around, in that L-O-O-P that never ends, and you will spend the REST of your eternity (imagine how LONG that’ll be???) like that, your soul will NEVER find rest!!!

Relived your last moments, and now, you’re D-E-A-D, and, all those HIRED mourners came to C-R-Y for you when you died, but, your souls looked around, and, they don’t recognized anybody who’s there to “mourn” for you, so, what the HECK happened to the REST of your friends AND families, you’d wondered to yourselves…

We Buried Your Childhood Clothes

We buried your childhood clothes, because you were kidnapped, and, you were never found, and, we, as your parents, are in desperate need of closure, so, we put your baby clothes into a small, child-sized coffin, and, we buried that coffin with everything that’s yours in it, three feet (b/c you weren’t grown yet, and we believe, that anything MORE than three feet would be too deep!!!)

We buried your childhood clothes, because that, was all we could afford to do, you are already gone, and, we MUST move beyond this TRAGEDY that’s happened to us both.  We buried your childhood clothes, along with all the memories of you, inside that small pine box…

We buried your childhood clothes, that seemed like the rational thing to do, and then again, death was NEVER about rationalism, is it?  No!!!  We buried your childhood clothes, hoping that wherever you may be, dead OR alive, you will be fine, now that you have something of yours, to take with…

We buried your childhood clothes, because the police never found your body, and, deep down, we BOTH knew, that you are already D-E-A-D, but, NOT a day goes by that I don’t secretly hope, that you’d run through that door, and say to me, “mama, I’m hungry, what’s for supper?”

All We See are the Grades, What About Moral Education?

This, is the PROBLEM of the education system here, but the rest of the world can ALSO relate, I’m sure, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

There was the shocking news of how a school teacher gave an exam to her son to take first, reason being that the son wasn’t that good in school.  Other than feeling this wrenching in my heart, I can’t help but wonder: what’s WRONG with the instructors?

The examination papers should be “top secret”, and, before the examinations, the instructors must kept them covered up, to NOT make it available to the students or other instructors, otherwise, the test would have lost ITS fairness, and not to mention that this, would be illegal too.  I can’t understand how this instructor managed to get the test papers, it must be something with the security situation at the school then.

In this realm where grades are everything and moral education is unimportant, this sort of a bad behavior needed to be reprimanded, and the ones behaving not up to standards are the school instructors.  Reason being, there this atmosphere of comparing the scores flowing around in the schools, between the students themselves, and the classes too, and the instructors got caught up in the competitions too.  The ones whose classes performed well were dubbed “famous”, and everybody believed that those who were trained under the famous would perform well, and so, the instructors got put on that high pedestal; and, the unlucky classes, the instructors are already quite depressed, and they still had to get grilled by the school principals on their teaching methods, HOW would there be room for moral education?

And, the moral education is not done well enough at all, that, is what everybody’s saying here, and everybody ranted on how we need to rethink the methods of the teachers, or the systems, along with the parents and the students’ lack of hard work, etc., etc., etc.  And I believe, that what needed change, IS our attitudes, we must start losing the belief of “education is everything, and, everything ELSE is nothing”.

And so, the reforms in education IS needed, because you have teachers that STOLE from the lounge, so the son would do well in HIS class, and what’s that teaching the child?  That he can cheat and lie his way out of things, because HIS mama just did it for him, and this, is precisely W-H-Y the education realm is NO longer as well-rounded as it used to be.