Category Archives: Bad Parenting Behaviors

Please Let Go, and Trust in Me, Having an Overbearing Mother

The problem here, is still NOT with the daughter, but with the mother, but, does she realize it???  Of course N-O-T, translated…

From awhile ago, on the news, a certain organization had been losing money by the year, the second-generation owner decided to sell of the office building, for cash, the founder, as he was, interviewed, stated, “My heart ached as my son did it, but now, I’d, trusted in his decisions entirely!”

This pair of father and son made me so envious, and at the same time, I’d, felt heartache for them both, because how I’d, wished that my own mother, can trust me like this father had his own son too.

From the views of the world, I guess, I’m, the pride of my parents: made high grades, gone to an all-star institution, and, managed to pass the exams for a public office on my very first try, I’d never needed my parents to worry over my school performances or my work.

Although my mother stated verbally, that I’d, done well for myself, but she’d, never had faith, that I can, handle things on my own, whether it be how I’d spent my money, how to treat others I meet, whether to have children after I married, who should care for my child if s/he was born…………my mother’s criticisms came at me, never-ending, “it’s for your sake”, was her most widely used phrase, and her weapon.

She’d never understood, that what she’d believed to be a show of care and concern, her nagging, was interpreted as how she didn’t trust me enough, I’d tried to tell her, but her response was always, “Those with your last names, can’t take any criticisms from others!”

When I was interning, I’d, lived at home, I’d had a crash on a rainy day, and, as I’d, bent my knees, my injuries started bleeding, but I’d not let my mother know, I’d, bent down, holding the pains in, as I’d helped clean up the house, until my mother rode out to get the groceries, and found the head of the motorcycle dented, that, was when she’d, found out.  I’d gotten into another, serious crash after I was married, and, it’d been years to this very day, I’d still, not told my parents what had happened to me.

Of the two wrecks I got in, I was, very scared, but I knew, that other than feeling anxious over me, and nagging me, my parents couldn’t do anything for me, and they’d, surely, blamed me, for being, too careless too.  And so, no matter how painful, I’d much rather, hide the truth from them.

I’d never doubted the love my mother had for me, but every time, as I’d, wanted to show affection towards her, she’d started, lecturing me, and in the end, she’d added, “Nobody else is going to tell you this, I’m your mother, that was why, for your sake, I’m, telling, you the truth!”  in my mother’s mind, I’ll never be, enough, there are, always things, I can, improve, and, all of my good performances are, matter-of-fact, and yet, the imperfections, are what pricked at her, and she’d needed to, get rid of them.

But, my dearest mother, you know what?  Your daughter may not be perfect, but, she’d always tried very hard, worked hard, can you just, let go, and trust in me?

And, hopefully, this woman’s mother can see this article, and change the way she interacts with her daughter, but, I’m still, NOT holding MY breath, because parents like these, they think what they’re doing, IS for the good of their young, and they just keep on, doing whatever the F*** (maxed out???) they’re doing, using their same old ways, probably because they were, treated as such by their own parents (‘cuz these sorts of SHITS still gets passed down, from one generation to the next, like D.N.A.???) and this daughter is going to, have a very difficult time, getting closer to her mother that’s for sure…

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Filed under Adult Children, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Enmeshment, Everyone Else's Fault, Family Dynamics, Getting Exposed Too Young, Lessons, Life, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Overbearing Parents, Overinvolvements of Parents, Parent-Child Interactions, Problems with Grown-Ups, Properties of Life, Psycho Parents, Socialization, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimi Liao, translated by me…

The child to the sloth, or, the sloth, to the child…

Let’s take it slow now…………

No matter how quickly the world changes………

Let’s just, take it slow……………

No matter, how worked up others are around us………

We will, continue to, take it slow together………

One day…

Someone will, finally, get us………

Understanding, that slower is faster……

We’re in no rush……………

Slowly, slowly, slower, slower………………

And this, would be how hard you’re all, PUSHING your children, to catch up to your tempos or paces, and by doing that, you’d, deprived your young, of taking their times, to grow UP slow, at their own paces, and, at the same time, you’d, SLAUGHTERED your young children like P-I-G-S, depriving them, of a happy, AND carefree childhood!

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Exposed, Child Development/Education of Children, Childhood, Growing Up Too Fast, Interactions Shared with the World, Kids Raising Kids, Lessons, Losing Sight of What's Important, Messed Up Values, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Problems with Grown-Ups, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Things Left Behind, Translated Work, Wake Up Calls

How are the Dangerous Children Raised

Attributions of how Enzo Sun became, dangerous, it’s partially, his parents’ faults, or so, the writer of this article believed, and maybe, he’s correct, in that his parents NEVER steered him to the right directions of beliefs, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The son of Ying Di and Peng Sun, Enzo Sun threatened to open fire in school and was found by American police to have over a thousand bullets and a gun; this shocking amount, certainly, it wasn’t, normal for a high school student to possess. Compared to how the couple had talked about their son, and how they still stood behind him, clearly, they have NO clue what was going on in their son’s mind.

Undeniably, Ying Di and her husband really loved and cared a lot about their son; but, raising children doesn’t mean you give the children everything they will ever want and need. So, what would be the motive, for a child like Enzo Sun who came from a rich and loving family, that’d made him accumulated such an enormous amount of arms? If it was like the couple’s explanations of their son being an arms fanatic, it’s just, self-deceptions, there’s NO sense of persuasion in their statements.

An eighteen-year-old child kept buying up the arms or the weapons—even IF it was, legally obtained, it’s hard, to see the behaviors as “normal”, besides, Enzo had made threats. And still, the couple talked on the matter like it was nothing major, like everything can be, rationalized. In actuality, it was their ways of raising him that went wrong, that was what had, caused their son to stray. Think on it, if it were Enzo Sun’s classmate who’d threatened to blow everybody up at school, wouldn’t they fly into a panic too?

Nobody was born a dangerous child. But, if on the way to growing up, the children didn’t get the right sorts of disciplines or guidance, if their bad behaviors weren’t, corrected, but were, ignored, encouraged, they are going to turn into dangerous people. There are a lot of cases of “Second generation” of the rich and famous committing crimes, including drugs, driving off in famous cars to escape arrest, and, the majority of these were caused by parents’ spoiling. What sort of a love is this?

As children are growing up, do accompany them, help them become good people. And, the minds of parents should, grow too, with the coming of age of their children at the same time.

And so, the writer of this article attributed this young man’s bad behaviors to his parents’ spoiling him rotten, but, he’s already eighteen, and, should be FORCED to take responsibilities for what he does, but, no doubt, that his parents played a vital part in how he’d turned out, they’d, spoiled him, because they overlooked the warning signs that he was showing, the buying of arms in large amounts, the ammunitions, and how this young man had threatened the school, all of these, the couple had, overlooked…

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Misdemeanors, News Stories, On the Wrong Side of the Law, Properties of Life, Spoiling Children

A Letter Written by His Daughter, the Father Who’s Sexist Was Mandated to Divorce

Sexism, in practice, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A woman, Huang, accused her husband for playing favorites with their seven-year-old son, and not loved their sixteen-year-old daughter equally, she couldn’t put up with it, asked for a divorce.  The judge based the letter written by the daughter that stated, “You’d never put your heart on me…you’d told me, that there are a lot of other relatives who looked out for me, that you didn’t need to take care of me anymore…”, and, on the stands, she’d stated that “the verbal exchanges my father had with my younger brother is MORE than the number of words he’d exchanged with me my whole life”, believed, that Huang’s accusations are valid, and, allowed for the divorce.

Huang accused, after her daughter was born, her husband didn’t show ANY care or concerns, and refused to pay for the daughter’s schooling or living expenses, that all the related costs were paid for, by her side of the family, the two had lived together, separately now; the husband said, “you owe me a son”, she’d immediately gotten impregnated by him, but, after her son was born, her husband started playing favorites with her son, it’d hurt her daughter so.  She said, that because of the pressures of her marriage, she’d put her heart and soul into religion, last year, after her daughter went to Canada to study, she’d decided to move out, and made her mind up on divorce.

Huang’s husband rebutted, he’s just not really comfortable at showing care and concern, but, in his daughter’s growing up, he’d accompanied her, and had given her a cell phone, as well as a laptop as presents, and that after the son was born, he’d become better off economically, that, was why he’d started providing for his own son’s education.

The judge called on their daughter to the stand, the daughter showed a letter she’d written to her father last August, “You’d probably not known how I’d dated a younger boy back in middle school, because I’d longed to be loved by a guy, after I’d broken up with him, I’d cried for so long, because I actually thought, that no guy can ever love me, you’d once told me, that there are, a lot of other people who loved me already, that your love would not be necessary, it’s really shocking, that parents would think, that they’d given too much love to their own children…”

The daughter took the stand, and confirmed, that since she was growing up, her father never talked to her in depth more than five times, when her classmates came over, her father would stay in his room, and wouldn’t come out to meet them, but he’d accompanied her younger brother every single day, given a ton of toys to her younger brother, “The verbal exchanges my father had with my younger brother is MORE than the verbal exchanges he’d had with me”.

The judge believed, that Huang’s accusations were valid, that it did, cause their marriage to break up, and the two had slept in separate rooms for a very long time, granted the divorce.  The daughter clearly stated that she wanted to live with her mother, and her husband had no objections, and so, the custody of the teenager went to the mother.  From the social workers’ home visit notes, Huang would often gone abroad to attend functions of religious matter, couldn’t accompany the seven-year-old son long-term, and so, the custody of their son was given to her husband.

So, this, is how FAR favoritism got!  And, the man did it, too obviously, I mean, yeah you are excited to have a son, but, you still should NOT ignore your daughter completely, you’d shown a lack of care AND concern toward her, and, what kind of a father ARE you, to play favorites like that!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Socialization

Holding You Close, Traveling Back in Time

This one is about regrets, I’m afraid, translated…

Based off of Chinese traditions, during the month of recovery after birth, women aren’t supposed to go outside.  And, I’d finally waited until my daughter was one month old, I couldn’t wait, to sneak out; but, my daughter was fast asleep in my arms, I couldn’t leave her home alone by herself, so, I’d gotten a thought, “why not just leave her in the car seat.”

My excitement had totally caused me to neglect the traditional beliefs of “the Heat in June is Going to Burn”.  As I’d started the car, I’d driven into the city.  “Hey!  When did this furniture shop get set up here?”  In order to make sure that daughter has a nicely shaped head, as well as good skin, I’d parked the car by the side of the road, and turned off the ignitions, lightly shut the door, I wasn’t going to be long anyways.

When I’d opened up the car again, it was, half an hour later, and I saw my daughter, SCREAMING, CRYING at the top of her lungs, her face had turned purple, it’d shocked me, a first time mom, had I returned a few more minutes later, I may have lost my child.

I’d wanted to drive backwards, to twenty-two years ago, and wipe away this heart wrenching moment, hold you close to me tightly, so, you, the newborn, won’t have any fears, and I would’ve not let you out of my sight for even a few moments in time.

And so, this, is the mistakes of a first time mother, she’d been locked up for too long, and, she’d wanted to get some air, and so, she snuck out of the house with her daughter, and, left her infant child in the car, because she didn’t think that she’ll take too long, but, by the time, she’d come back, her baby was SCREAMING, and that, made her realize, how fragile a young life is, and, that, is a lesson learned, the HARD way, rookie mothers………

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Carelessness of Adults, Cost of Living, Lessons, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Wake Up Calls

A Small Arm Extended from a Trash Bag…the Abandoned Infant Almost Died, Having Been Soaked Under Water from the Rain

A child, tossed away, like TRASH, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A newborn baby boy who was placed inside a shopping bag, early yesterday morning, was found abandoned by the economics department’s mineral center, the shopping bag, because of the previous night’s rain, was already filled up, and the baby boy was soaked completely, almost covered with water, gladly, someone found him just in time, notified the police, and he was taken to the hospital, and was fine now.

While the baby was taken to the hospital, although he was weakened, but he still had a pulse, and there were no external injuries on him, his vital signs are stable.

This infant boy was very weak, as he was taken to the Memorial Hospital of the Chinese God of War, but, he was found, to have NO external injuries, vital signs are stable, about just ten days old, with only a very thin baby suit on him, the hospital already placed him in the incubators to keep him warm.

The woman who’d found the baby was a janitor for the Mineral Protection Unit, Shi, early yesterday morning at eight, when she walked from her house to cross the street to the Mineral Center, saw that there were two plastic bags by the car parked by the side of the road, she thought that it was litter from the public; about thirty minutes later, when she was about to go home after she’d done her janitorial duties, she’d wanted to use her feet, to get the bag, to toss it away in the trash, she’d found that the bag was really heavy, and, at the opening, there seemed to be the hand of a young child, she was so scared that her legs went limp.

Shi quickly told her husband to report it to the police, the officers from the Sanxia Subprecinct rushed to the scene, found that the infant boy was still warm, immediately carried him to the doorway of the Mineral Center, and, the neighbors from all around also gone up to help, some brought towels, some hot water, to help the officers to clean off the infant boy, and, the paramedics arrived after being called, they’d rushed the infant boy to the En Chu Gong Hospital.

The police discovered two plastic bags at the scene, one was where the infant boy was placed, the other had formulas, a bottle, and a towel.  The woman, Shi said, that early yesterday morning at around three, there was a downpour, and when the baby was discovered, the water almost drowned him, and as she’d held him up, he was, drenched, and he didn’t cry, it’d made her heart wrench to see, gladly, he is still alive, she hoped that the little boy will be reunited with his family soon.

The police reviewed the surveillance footages, and found, that at around eleven two nights ago, a young woman dropped off two bags from Anxi Road to the Mineral Center, suspected, that she was the woman who’d abandoned the child, they’re going to track her down.

And so, this is the story, of how an abandoned infant boy almost died.  Can you imagine, someone who is so cruel, so awful, to drop a child off, and, had the woman not discovered him, he would’ve been dead by now, but gladly, the child was found, with NO serious injuries.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Getting Exposed Too Young, Issues of Morality, Issues of the Society, Moral Responsibilities

Working Hard, to Gain Their Fathers’ Approvals

Call it, a bildungsroman if you want to…

Working hard, to gain their fathers’ approvals, and, that was ALL they’d ever wanted, to have their fathers’ proud looks as they’d talked about their children, but, that never came.

Working hard, to gain their fathers’ approvals, they’d done that, and yet, in the very end, they still, didn’t quite, measure up, because their fathers had, set that god DAMN bar too high, because their own fathers too, set those bars too high.

Working hard, to gain their fathers’ approvals, and, as they’d become fathers themselves, they’d become exact COPIES of their own fathers too, making it hard, for their own offspring, to gain their approval.

Working hard, to gain their fathers’ approvals, because as children, we ALL need to see that reflection of pride, in our parents’ eyes, but, that, is something we will NEVER see, reflected, back at us, all we will EVER see is, that hint of disappointment, knowing, that we didn’t do well enough, and, we’re belittled, by our own fathers, just as, they were, belittled by their fathers before them…

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Expectations, Parent-Child Interactions, Vicious Cycle