Traumatized, Between a Parent & a Child

The adults’ careless words that impacted a child into the adulthood years, this showed the extent of your words, and their effects in your children’s lives, translated…

When I was five, I’d always, slept, with upside down on my parents’, bed, they couldn’t understand why I’d needed to sleep with them, and, they couldn’t, get me to stop climbing in next to them in the middle of the nights, but, because I’d, adjusted my sleeping postures soon enough, they’d, allowed me to sleep with them, and they’d, forgotten this, tiny interlude of my, childhood years.

But I still remember something that upset me during this period of time. 

Late one night, I suddenly woke, heard my parents in conversation, I’d not moved an inch, I’d not wanted to listen in on their conversations, just wanted to, fall back to sleep again, but, a sentence that’s stayed with me came into my ear canals, ‘if my daughter was so-and-so that would be wonderful!”

The person my parents were referring to was my older female cousin, very well-behaved, did excellent academically too, it’s only natural, that the adults, loved her so, but, am I, really, that awful?  I’d started, to cry in the darkness, until my parents finished their conversations, fell asleep, I’d, still, stayed, wide awake, shocked, at this “secret” I’d heard.

“So, mom and dad don’t love me”, this thought started, rooting itself down inside of my young mind, and after this long, even though, the vines that entangled me in were, already, cut off almost, completely, but, I couldn’t, uproot this thought one bit.

The adults may think, that children can’t understand, or that they forget easily, and sometimes, their, careless words, blurted out, had caused the traumas in your young’s mind forever.

And this is precisely W-H-Y, you FUCKING (don’t pardon me here!!!) adults need to WATCH what you say in front of your kids, because even IF you think they’re not listening, their eyes are still, watching G-O-D, with their ears, tuned IN to your words, so, DO take this into consideration, the next time you want to blurt something out, even IF you don’t mean it so seriously, your young will, take it to heart, ‘cuz that’s, what we, children, ALL do!!!

The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimmi Liao, on the calming words of reassurance, offered to a young child, translated by me…

The Cloud Rocked Me in its Arms,

Hummed that Lullaby,

Don’t Worry Little Baby, Fret Not Little Baby

The Clouds are Light, the Wind Gentle, Everything Will be, All Right………

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, off of UDN.com

We are all in need, of this sort of a reassurance right now, especially with this whole world currently going crazy, and, the safest place we can find is here, inside our minds, for in our own minds, we are, able to, live on freely, without any worries or fears!

The Railroad that Extended, Through Our, Childhood Years…

The railroad that extended, through our, childhood years, it’d, sped off, west (or was it, east) bound, and, it’d, not slowed down one bit, just kept going, going, going, ‘til it was, completely, G-O-N-E…

The railroad that extended, through our, childhood years, they’d, taken us very far, helped our imaginations soar, didn’t it?  And yet, reality, eventually, dragged us all back down to the ground, and we get, trampled on!

what that, looked, like…with no end in sight…photo from online

The railroad that extended, through our, childhood years, do you, remember it?  How it runs, on, and on, and on, and on, and on?  How we thought we couldn’t, get to the terminal stations?  Well, we’re, here, the end of the line, where childhood is, completely, gone, and we can’t, EVER, get it back again.

The railroad that extended, through our, childhood years, oh how I wish, it could, keep on going, until eternity comes, but it can’t, it’d, ended already, as I got my, innocence, STOLEN from, under me, back as a young child from before.

And no, it still, was, NEVER my fault!!!

A Different Life

With the assistance given to these families by the foundation, these families can finally, have some sense of, normalcy in their, functioning, translated…

In the meetings that day, the senior early childhood intervention educator, Mrs. Shih told everybody, there was a student’s mother whom she’d lost contact with that’s gotten reconnected with her on FB, told her that her twins who were, helped by the center from before, who’d, received the early intervention helps are, in the universities now.

Mrs. Shih said, as the mother told her how her children were doing, it’d, deeply impacted her, because as the twins were sent to the early intervention center, they had troubles, feeding themselves, and yet, Mrs. Shih wasn’t as experienced as she is now, she’d, become, too nervous when looking after the twins, worried, that she may, injure the twin if she weren’t, careful enough; but, over a decade later, the twins had the abilities to take the entrance exams for college, and, they’d, both gotten into the public universities too.

I’d once heard other coworkers, sharing the tales of success.  The person in the story was, Shen, he’d lost his parents, and lacked that secure attachment, he’d, needed to hug everybody he saw, and in the end, he was called, the “sexual predator”; but, as he’d been sent to the foundation for placement, he’d, learned to express his insecurity in an alternative method, and because of the company he had from his teachers, his peers, he’d, changed his manners from being timid as he’d come to the center, to now, being able to, laugh out loud.

There was, also, the younger brother of a guy, that he’d, felt like an older brother to his own older brother, because his older brother needed to get taken care of more.  Thankfully, after the older brother received job trainings, he’d, started working, not only was he making his own way, he’d no longer needed to, be watched over staying at home, and he finally had the time, to do what he wanted to do, and felt the burdens, lifted from his shoulders now.

If the early interventions didn’t happen, then, the twins may still need someone else to help them at meal time, let alone how they’d, taken the college entrance exams; had the teachers not helped Shen adjust his behavior problems, he would now still be, misunderstood, as a “sex predator”; if the older brother didn’t get the job training he needed, the younger brother would still be, carrying that burden of taking care of him, and NOT had a life of his own, the life that he’d, wanted; and, those families that were, torn apart, because of the children’s conditions, after the children were, placed in the early intervention programs, the atmospheres at home became much better; and, the aging parents, who could, no longer look after their own young, and after they’d asked the First Welfare Foundation for assistance, they’d now, found time to breathe, for themselves…………

Every time I’d heard these stories, it’d, moved me very much, the teachers at the First Welfare Foundation, had originally, just wanted to, help the needed to have a better, a more comfortable life, but, their work had, touched the families as well, helped these families, changed for the better, giving a higher quality of life, of the family members.

Reason why I’d started this column, is because, I want the world to know, how extraordinary these teachers are, how they’re, using their, professionalism, their passions, persistence, and love, to help turn the families they’d helped, around, giving the families, new hope, so they can, keep on, hoping for, a better, a brighter future for themselves.

And so, this, is considered the fishing pole program, because this foundation had helped those who are, mentally decapacitated to have a skill set, to train them to take care of themselves, so, their families no longer need to worry about them all the time, and, this is an amazing program, and we should have more of these, social welfare foundations that are, doing this sort of work in the world.

The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimi Liao, translated by me…

The child to the sloth, or, the sloth, to the child…

Let’s take it slow now…………

No matter how quickly the world changes………

Let’s just, take it slow……………

No matter, how worked up others are around us………

We will, continue to, take it slow together………

One day…

Someone will, finally, get us………

Understanding, that slower is faster……

We’re in no rush……………

Slowly, slowly, slower, slower………………

And this, would be how hard you’re all, PUSHING your children, to catch up to your tempos or paces, and by doing that, you’d, deprived your young, of taking their times, to grow UP slow, at their own paces, and, at the same time, you’d, SLAUGHTERED your young children like P-I-G-S, depriving them, of a happy, AND carefree childhood!

The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimi Liao, translated…

I Heard His Cries

I Felt His Despair

I’d Touched His Sorrows

I’d, Closed the Book

He’d, Vanished So Suddenly

Then, Immediately, Came to Me Again

And so, this showed, how the pen IS, mightier than the SWORD, the words touched people, even AFTER they’re done, getting spoken out there, and the influences of words will keep on carrying over…

What? I’m Korean!

Finding out why, and, letting go of that feeling of being betrayed, realizing, that what the adults in your life did, was what they thought was, best for you, translated…

Ever since I could recall, I’d lived alone, with my mother in Korea, we’d never spent, a day apart. Later, I’d come to Taiwan to study, to marry, to have children, and settled down in Taipei, with my mother there, by my side. But, shortly after she passed, my former classmates from Korea sent me a weird news: there were, a couple of Koreans who were, desperately, searching for me, and claimed that they were, my relatives.

How’s that possible? Am I, zoomed in, by the international scam artists?

From before when there was only a small circle of Asians we’d associated ourselves with, there’s, that invisible sense of pride from being Chinese, that was, that sense of superiority of being Chinese, not wanting to be with the Koreans, we were, living, on someone else’s land, but felt, that they were, second class citizens. This weird belief, showed the most when someone is arguing with an Asian person, when we only needed to blurt out, “You looked like a Korean!”, it was, the biggest sort of insult to the individual, and, the person you’re arguing with will totally get outraged when you’d called them that.

like this family???  Photo from online…

Growing up in this sort of an atmosphere, I’d only begged to pass the Korean language exams, and, every other course in high school, I’d made straight A’s, only Korean, I’d scored toward the bottom; and, my communication abilities was just enough, for me to use when I go shopping in the marketplaces.

When the Korean who’d come met me to show me he was related to me, he’d provided the adoption papers, and photos of me as a young child, mailed everything to me, and, all of those, “evidences” proved, that I was, a Korean, heads down!

Isn’t it outrageous, thinking that I was, Chinese all along, and then, I turned out to be, Korean? This was, the biggest kind of irony. I refused to admit that I was, Korean, I hated that classmate who’d, exposed me for who I was, and I’d, hated my birthmother, for giving me up for adoption.

After six months’ worth of struggles, my second eldest sister kept making those international calls to care for me, and, repeatedly, sent the presents to my husband and my two children, and my heart finally, started, to disarm itself, and finally agreed to, meet with them.

In the city of Suwon, I’d finally, met my five sisters and my younger brother. All these middle-aged uncles and aunts, as they’d, described of the hardship and trials they’d weathered through in life, I’d not heard a single word of complaint, their persistence, optimism, passion, comparing to my own prejudices, my aloofness, my dissatisfactions, made me so ashamed I wanted to find a hole to hide in.

What right had I, to hold my prejudices against Koreans? And, why can’t I understand, the pains and hardships my mother who’d carried me for ten whole months, and know how trying it must’ve been, for her, to give me up for adoption? Had it been not my birthfather’s death when he was way too young, had it not been my mother being too young, and needed to remarry, had it not been for my second eldest sister crying for one whole weeks at my adopted mother’s home, and got “returned”, and I got sent up for adoption, my fate would’ve been, so totally, different, how could I have gotten to live as an only child, cherished, sent to Taiwan for my college years, to become a teacher, to meet a good man, and marry and have children.

or this???  Photo from online…

And now, both my mothers had passed, but the love they had for me, was enough, to last me, my whole life. Toward my birthmother, other than being grateful, there’s, that extra understanding; for my adoptive mother, other than, being grateful, there’s that sense of, missing her forever!

And so, it’s all due to fate, that this had, happened, and, back when you were a child, you may not understand WHY it was, that you were, given up for adoption, and perhaps, you’d carried the resentments toward your birthparents, for giving you up, and your adoptive parents, to keeping the truth from you, but, as you got older, and started your own family, you’d, realized, that given the situations of your past, all those adults did what they thought was, best for you, and, you’d become, grateful, for having everything that you have in life…

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Child without Christmas

A child without Christmas, because s/he is orphaned, without love of anybody, left abandoned, in those drop boxes outside of those age-old churches…

A child without Christmas grows up, experiencing nothing BUT the icy cold weather, the coldness of other people’s stares, because s/he is unloved and unwanted.

here’s someone who probably wouldn’t experience Christmas as something wonderful, photo from online…

A child without Christmas, becomes lost around the holidays, and, everywhere s/he looks, there’s, so much love flowing from others’ lives, and, s/he grew even more resentful of life and fate!  A child without Christmas, how, does a child grow up without Christmas?  How can a child, NOT know ANY love, and still live to grow up into adulthood?  Or, maybe, the child without Christmas, had died, a long, long, long time ago, and, s/he became, another Ghost of Christmases Past?

A child without Christmas, feels the pain, creeping up, as the Christmas season draws near, and, s/he stopped, heading outdoors by mid to late-November, because the “scent” of the season grows stronger, as the year nears end………

how can you possibly think about what you’re getting for X’mas IF you can’t even have your most basic needs filled from day to day?  Photo from online…

An Elementary School Girl Used Her Scholarship Prize Money to Help Support Her Household, Two Elderly Men: Let Me Help Her Too

Kindness from all around, from the Newspapers, translated…

“Do let me help her!”, the special report from the papers this March about how the elementary school age girl, Wei-Han Wang lived with the low-income assistance money from the government that supported her family of four, consisting of her grandparents, and an older brother, how although life was hard, she’d not gotten beaten by it. As the newspaper printed her story, “Grandpa Yeh” came to the school himself, and told the officials he’d wanted to sponsor Wei-Han Wang by the month, and “Grandpa Chen” sent a letter, with cash enclosed, it’d warmed up Wei-Han Wang and her grandmother’s heart.

The news report pointed out, that Wei-Han Wang was only in the fourth grade, and yet, she’d accumulated a whole STACK of awards, from when she was in the first grade, she’d received $2,000N.T. for scholarship for excellent academic performances, which she’d turned into her grandmother, to help the household, and she’d earned scholarship money from a foundation too.

A week after her story was told after March 10^th, an eighty-year-old elderly C.E.O., Yeh went to the elementary school to visit, after he’d met the principal, Chen, he’d shown her a newspaper clipping from his wallet, told her, “I want to help her out!”

Grandpa Yeh said, he grew up poor, that he’d started his business from nothing too, that now he has the abilities, and he was very moved by the young girl, Wang’s story, wanted to give her a better life, and so, he’d made the trip to Bitou, and expressed how he’d wanted to help Wei-Han Wang out each and every month.

The principal, Chen was moved, told him, that Wei-Han’s grandmother believed that there are those less fortunate than she, and turned Grandpa Yeh’s offer down, but Grandpa Yeh helped install the wind-resistant windows, he’d also bought the cleaning equipment for the outside walls of the school to help the school, so the kids won’t have to sit through the cold winters in class.

a photo of the young girl in school, courtesy of the UDNpapers.

Several months later, on August 23, the elementary school received a registered mail signed by “Grandpa Chen”, with the newspaper clipping, and $6,000N.T. cash; Grandpa Chen who teaches as a professor at Poli-Sci University said, that he thumbed across the story about Wei-Han in the newspaper, he was very moved by the hardworking mannerism of the young girl, he’d clipped the news off, and placed it in the first page of his notebook, and would read it once every single day.

Awhile ago, he’d passed by the local office of the Department of Education, he’d asked the secretary there for the address of Wei-Han Wang’s school, wanted to send her something, also, to fulfill the wish he’d carried, for so long already.

As the Wangs received Grandpa Chen’s money for help, they were very moved, and, Wei-Han told the press happily, that after she’s older, she too, will help others in need as well.

the letter written to the young girl by the elderly man who’d donated to help her and her family out, from UDN.com…

So, this, is how the cycle of kindness gets passed down, because someone saw something that moves him on the news, and, decided to help the person in need, and, the person in need who received the help, was touched, and she’d made a wish too, to help someone else in need when she’s able to, and so, the cycle of kindness is also, rolling here………

 

The Debris of Childhood

We’re all, impacted by this, because they (whoever they may be???) still don’t call it “growing pains” for nothing, do they?  Nope!

The debris of childhood, we’re all, feeling the impacts of the destructions, at various stages in our lives, and for some, because they refused to acknowledge, that their childhoods are so FUCKED up (and your point being???), that they needed a lie to live in, and so, they’d made up this HUGE wonderful lie, that they actually had amazing parents who loved them.

The debris of childhood, had you been impacted yet, I had, my life was sent, on that CRASH course, and, I was tossed, from that rollercoaster called my own life, but, I’d held on, refused to let go, and that, was how I was able to survive!  The debris of childhood, are you ready, to face it, up front?  Can you, handle the truth, that your parents may be like mine: abusive AND neglectful?  Because NOBODY can choose her/his family of origin, that, is why all families of origin is a SOURCE of pain for all!