Forgiving Her Predatory Father…

Because he’s my “daddy”, and I love him!  Yeah, uh, how FUCKING retarded are you, huh?  And, you DO realize, that it’s WRONG, what that M***ER F***ER had done to you, right?

Forgiving her predatory father, she had, because, she loved him, after all, without his sperm, she wouldn’t even EXIST!  And besides, he’s the PRIMARY source of income, and, her and her family relied on him for bringing in the dough, and besides, in just a few more years, she’ll be, an adult, and she won’t need to, PUT up with him, coming into her bedroom late in the nights, undressing himself, and getting too close to her no more………

Forgiving her predatory father, she didn’t want to, after all, how can you, possibly, forgive a man for RAPE, especially when he WAS (past tense???) your father!  But, for the sake of her family, at her own mother’s urging, child, if you don’t forgive him, he’ll get sent to prison, and what’ll, happen to us???  (and that constitutes as emotional BLACKMAIL!!!), and so, she had, NO other viable options, but to state it in court, “I forgive my father!”

And so, this PREDATORY father learned what???  Oh yeah, I can get away, with RAPING my own daughter any time I want to, besides, the law’s on MY side, and her mother doesn’t believe her…

What do you think is gonna happen, to this child who will eventually, become adult?  Yeah, I can’t even begin to IMAGINE it…………

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Forgiveness Found, with an “I Love You”…

It’s, just too easy, to forgive, when someone says, “I love you”, isn’t it?  But, wouldn’t that be, the other person’s excuse of getting her/himself out of the troubles s/he got in?

Forgiveness found, with an “I love you”, it’s, unreal, as you can be more than one-HUNDRED percent certain, that whatever bad deed the individual is apologizing for, will reoccur, because that, is how it goes!

Forgiveness found, with an “I love you”, yeah, I used to fall for that too (not really, I’d just, allowed people to apologize to me, and just, let them SLIDE, how young I’d been from before, right???), but not anymore, NOT since my DEATH, circa late September to early October of 2008…

So, unless you want to still get STUCK in the vicious cycles of your abuse, yeah, sure, why not, forgive that certain someone for all the done you wrongs, with their poisonous “I love you”!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All the Hurtful Things You’d Said to Me

I wish that I can say, that none of it mattered, but, it’d still, affected me, but, I’m slowly, becoming, desensitized to it.  All the hurtful things you’d said to me, had become, something, that fueled me, those awful words that had, gotten too deep, into my ear canals, had finally, made me deaf!

what it felt like at the beginning…not my photo…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, after so many years, it’d, still hurt, but, a little less every single day, and, I suppose, that one day, all the hurtful things you’d said to me, will NO longer affect me, it’s just, that that day, hadn’t, “arrived” yet…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they don’t matter now, I’d become stronger, hearing all the hurtful things you’d said to me, and, they no longer, hurt me anymore, they’d become, nothing more than those cold winter winds that cuts through the skin on the surfaces now……………

and now…

no longer “registering”, ‘cuz I’d, tuned you O-U-T!!!

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they’d, become, this never-healing infection of my childhood days, and growing up, I’d, carried all my scars that marked my body, and now, as I’d become, an adult, those scars became scabs, and, underneath those ugly scabs, there are, newly, grown-in layers of skin, waiting to come out.

Being Different…

I’m like you all, my classmates, but, not exactly, I have a mom, who’s from a foreign world as opposed to the one I’m currently “staying in”…

When I first entered into class, I spoke the mainstream languages with a perfect tone, absolutely NO weird accents, but, the other kids, they’d still, made fun of me.

not my drawing.

I tried to fit in, tried to engage myself into their discussions, but, every time they saw me approaching, they’d all just, scattered and dissipate, as if, they’re avoiding me, like I’m the plague or something!  And, it’d, hurt.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being different, but, the feedbacks from my external environment seemed to prove otherwise.  I keep on, getting the signals, that I should be thankful, being different from everybody else, and yet, in my day-to-day interactions, that “theory”, it just, can’t seem to work out that well at all!

not my picture.

And now, after being casted away, singled out by my cohort, I’m starting to feel ashamed of my difference, and eventually, I’d become, so scared of being different, that I’d do anything, to blend in with the rest of the crowd………

Too Scared to Tell…

We were, too scared to tell the truth, because NOBODY’s gonna take our words over theirs, after all, they’re, respected, by the community, and, we’re, just nobodies…and besides, who’s gonna believe us?  They’d probably say, that we’re just, looking for attention is all, but, we really aren’t, it REALLY happened.

Too scared to tell, because he was in a position of power, and, he’d used that against her, he’d manipulated her into believing what’d happened, was ALL her fault, when he was, actually the one to blame.

Too scared to tell, that, was how she grew up, and, even though, she’s no longer threatened now, she still chose, to keep her lips sealed, because nobody’d believed her before, why should they start to believe her now?  Too scared to tell, it’s NO use, nobody CAN help her out, and so, she must, weather through the abuse from someone she trusted, with her life, and, the betrayals are not just from him to her, but also, from her, to herself as well…

Too scared to tell, as nobody had ever believed anything she told, from that very first time when her daddy came into her bedroom when she was in her younger years, she DID tell her mama, and, her mama didn’t believe her, and, when she’d told her mama again, her mama got real mad, and that, was how alone she’d felt growing up, and now, she’s all grown up, she’s still being victimized, as she’d learned, to become, helpless.

Signs of Being Bullied

From the papers, translated…

1. Emotionally Low
2. Experiencing a Lot of Tensions, Fearing Offending Someone
3. Fearing Interactions with Others
4. Fearing Lonely, Needing Others’ Company
5. Evading School
6. Nightmares, Insomnia, Other Physical Health Problems
7. Overly Egotistical, Putting on a False Strong Front

• Too Unemotional, with a Lack of Emotional Response

And these, are just some of the most recognized symptoms, so, WATCH out for them, because, the teachers don’t have the time, and, it’s still, UP to you, PARENTS, to recognize these signs, and, recognizing these signs can prevent another tragedy from happening to a child.

Was it Insults? Was it Bullies? A Last Year Middle School Student Leapt Off of the Top of the School Building, and Was Seriously Injured

Bullied into attempting suicide here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A last year student from a certain middle school in Chiayi, yesterday afternoon, took the leap from the roof of the library, he was taken to the hospital, with serious injuries.  This student had been bullied by others by having a stick shoved up his anus, and yesterday, he was mocked, “Your booty hurts”, and, if the reason of him leaping off of the roof of the library has anything to do with this matter, the school is still checking into it.

Yesterday at around three in the afternoon, there were multiple first year students who were cleaning the areas outside their classrooms, who’d heard painful cries, and, they’d walked close, and found this student, bleeding from his head, lying on his side, on the ground, they’d immediately notified the school officials.  The Manager of Student Affairs rushed to the scene, used his own hand as a pillow, protected the student’s head, and the paramedics from the fire department lifted him to the hospitals immediately.

The place where the student fell was between a teaching building and the school library, the school officials realized that there was a tight railing around the outside walls of this new teaching building, that with this student’s thinly built frame, he couldn’t possibly pass over it.

The school said, that the student’s class was on the first floor, and, after they’d reviewed the surveillance, they’d realized, that before the fall, the student had, gone to the third floor of the newly erected building, flipped over the 125 centimeter of protective walls, followed the path, climbed up to the roof of the library building, sat, quietly.

Another teacher, who saw this student climbing over, told him, “Don’t climb over there!”, but, before he had a chance to stop him, he’d already, fallen off.  And the surveillance only had the footage of the student falling to the ground, he’d fell, feet first, then, his body crushed his hands, and he fell to the side.

The man in charge of the student affairs said, that this student was very popular in his class, made good grades, with no records of seeing his counselors, and had only written on his assignment books, “I’m really annoyed”; about a month ago, he was bullied by his fellow classmates, with someone, clapping his hand together, and stuck their hands into his anus, although it was, just a game, and the school had, intervened into the matter too, and the student who’d bullied him had already apologized, but, it seemed, that yesterday, he was made fun of once again, “your butt hurts”.

Based off of understanding, the student’s parents were divorced, his father worked away from home, and would come home on the weekends, he’d lived with his grandmother.  And the grandma disclosed, that these past couple of day, he’d become silent, as they’d regularly carried on in conversations, the grandmother had wanted to ask the teachers if something had happened at school, but, he’d already, taken the leap.

When the student was lifted to the hospital, there was an open fracture on his right hand, a mild concussion, multiple contusions all over his body, he was conscious, but couldn’t answer questions, he was taken to the ICU for observations, to see if he would need surgery.  The department manager of the Department of Education , Hsiao said, that after the student recovers, he will then, inquire to see if he was bullied.

And, as you can imagine, this was, probably a build up, he was physically taunted by someone, and, the last straw was how those who’d taunted him had made fun of him once again, and, he probably realized, that this would follow him like a shadow for the rest of his life, and, he didn’t want to deal with it anymore, that, was why he’d attempted suicide.