My Daughter, Who No Longer Needed Me to Wait for the Bus with Her

How fast the children grow up, one day, they still need you, and the very next moment, they no longer, needed you, to watch over them anymore!  Translated…

Having to go to school out-of-district, to the big-eyed girl who’d lived, quite simply, was a huge leap out of her comfort zone, a passageway into, an alternative, realm; while her first obstacle was, take the bus.  For this, she’d asked her classmate to accompany her, and, looking at her animated as she returned, sharing her experiences, I’d thought, she should have, no problems then.

“You will, go with me tomorrow, right?”, the night before the summer sessions, I’d received that, helpless inquiry, which alerted me.  The following morn, I’d gone with the big-eyed girl, to the sidewalk with the huge flamegold, and saw a tour bus, parked by, with the LED lights of “XX Student Shuttle”, I’d said hello to the driver, “I shall be driving this route from here on out”, he’d told me.

Then, going to the bus stop, the two of us, mother and daughter, became our, routines.

how we started…photo from online

And one day, my big-eyed girl did NOT go right up the bus, but instead, traded whispers with the driver, I’d questioned it, but didn’t feel proper to inquire her about it then.  As she’d returned home, she’d told me what the driver told her, “he’d said, you live so close, and you still have your mom accompany you, you need to, learn to get to the bus stop on your own!”, as those words came, the air, froze, “So, will you, still, accompany to the bus stop?”, I’d fallen, silent.

On this night, the darkness draped over us, my daughter didn’t get home, I’d called her cell, she’d not, picked up, which made the wait for her to come home even, longer; then, “CLACK!”, cut open that heavyset air of night, the sound of key turning, my daughter dropped her backpack, mumbled, “I’d accidentally, fallen asleep on the bus, and rode it to the terminal station by accident, there was only, me………….” “How did you get home then?”  “The driver gave me a lift, and he’d told me, ‘young lady, don’t fall asleep again on the bus.’” And, I’d heard the steady voice of the driver, “tell mom, that you will be very safe, there’s nothing she needs to worry about.”

We’d gone from the summer into the winter, I’d thought, that we would, keep on, walking like this, but my big-eyed daughter blocked me from exiting the house with her, looking at her tiny frame, going farther, and farther, and farther, away.  “It’s just a few steps out, why are you, worried?”, her words echoed in my mind, seemingly question my faith in her.  Don’t I trust the characters of the driver?  And, will I give her time, space, to discover who she is, how she is to, become, what and who she wants to, become………….

Then, “Pop”, that thought was, interrupted, I lifted my head, it was the flamegold rain tree’s seed, popping out, the seeds, worked so very hard, to break away out of the shells that once, kept them all, safe, looking back, the shells are still, full but they’d now become, emptied on the inside.  I’d come to understand, that the tree used an entire year, to birth out its, own offspring, and as the seeds are matured, they’d, broken out, and away, far off, and yet, the trees can’t just, let go easily.  Isn’t this, the way of nature, just like how my big eyed daughter will, eventually need to, shoulder her own life, to learn the lessons she would need, and if she’s ready, what right have I, to hold her, back?

“Don’t worry, she’ll be, safe”, the driver’s words echoed between the trees, and the, skies.

and it’d become…like this, as they gained, more independence from us, the parents! Photo from online

And so, this is, watching your own daughter grow up, and, you feel a bit, sad, because she no longer needed you, to watch over her, to take care of everything for her, she is, learning to grow up strong, to take care of herself, and you should be glad, that you’d, taught her well, it’s just, that you feel, a bit, sad, that she’s, needing you, less and less each and every day, but that’s just how life goes.  Children will become, independent of their, parents, and the parents must learn to effectively deal with the sense of, empty nest…

Candy

Lessons of death, and the meanings of death, in relation to, life, learned by a man, from his daughter’s, pet guinea pig…translated…

The daughter and her mother had three guinea pigs, to almost two years to date.  One of them was named “Candy”, the oldest, and the physical wellbeing is, deteriorating, he’d become, very, slow to move around, and it’d, made us worry that his life may, be, nearing, end.

That evening, as I’d rolled down the steel doors of my workshop to turn in for the night, I’d walked over to the cage, and found Candy, DEAD, not moving, lying on his, back, with one, two black patches on his, belly.  Although, this was, predicted to come, but, I’d still felt, a bit, flustered, after all, I’d only took him out to play with him, just earlier this morn, and he was fine in the afternoon too.  I’d pulled open the steel rolling doors, in the darkness, selected a potted plant in my garden, dug up some dirt, placed Candy in to his final, place of, rest there.

This morning, I’d approached Candy’s kennel, the bath sand, the exercise wheel, the tiny castle, the tiny cave, the marble bed, the water………….everything was, as it’d, been, to the food I’d, fed to him, still in his, dish, it’s just, that the owner of the cage is, already, dead and, gone.

as the pet guinea pig lay, dying…photo from online

Looking at what Candy left behind, I’d felt, that how short-lived our physical forms can, be; if my daughter and her mother are willing, that cage can be, used as a home for, another.  To here, I’d suddenly felt, that the relation of Candy to the cage, is merely, a “passerby”, that Candy wasn’t the owner.  And, as this thought came, I’d felt, that vacant, void.

After a short while, the line, “life is not measured by the years, but the good moments you had” surfaced.  This made me feel, a little bit, better.  Although Candy’s life may be short, but, he was the spirit of his, cage, the cage with Candy in it, that’s, alive, without the guinea pig, the cage turned into, nothing more than, an, empty, shell.

It’s hard to predict how long a life is to go.  I’d once heard, that the tiny critters had only lived, for one day, dying in the morning, that’s before their time, and in the afternoon, that’s considered, longevity—and, comparing to this, Candy lived for, two whole, years.  And yet, if I compared it to the sun, the moon, the mountains, and the rivers, the lengthiness of life, paled by, comparison.

There are always two sides to one thing, a beginning, and an, end, life, that coexists with, death.  I’d, encouraged myself, to stop feeling grief over the death of that tiny, guinea pig, that I must, use that ordinariness of mind, to see and experience life in all of its, fragility, and how nothing stays, the same.  I need to learn to cherish what I have in the moment, to take advantage of the moment in time; to enjoy life to the fullest, so when my end finally comes, I can face it, with absolutely, NO, regrets.

And to think, that a tiny little, guinea pig has, such a, huge lesson of life and death to offer to this father.  That still just showed, that everything we encounter is a lesson to be learned, if we only, seek it out, like how this man learned about life, and death, from the death of his own daughter’s, pet guinea pig.

Long Swim at Ludao

The experiences that made you appreciate the beauties of nature more, which hopefully, will drive you to protect it more!  Translated…

It was 2018, I’d, given my virginity of the first long swim in the oceans to, Ludao, it was also the very first time, I went swimming with, a thousand of my, fellow swimmers, to enjoy the beauties of, the, oceans.

For many year, the fellow companion swimmers would ask me to take the long swim in the oceans, and I’d always found an assortment of reasons to turn them down, “Going swimming in Waimu Mountain?  Nah, too many, jellyfishes!”, “Swimming in Wushi Harbor?  The waves are too huge, I can’t manage!”, “over the seas in Kinmen?  But it’s, too, unromantic, how black the sands on the beaches there are”.  “In Penghu, the currents are too strong, I don’t know if I can………”

the events at Ludao, photo from online

“Ludao long swim………”, toward this, location of many beautiful things to see, what excuses can I, have?  I’d gone with close to a thousand of ocean loving fellow swimmers, followed the beautiful female coach to warm up, then, entered into the just right temperature water, gotten rid of the buoy that’s holding me back, swam, toward the, oceans.

This was, a colorful, gathering of friends who loved swimming, there were the colorful swimmers in their swimsuits over the oceans, with the visitors who’d put on the snorkeling gears for show, the parents-children teams as well.  Other than those whom I knew around me, and those whom I don’t, there are, the schools of fishes that are, keeping things active, the coral reefs, while the professional divers kept waving at me, to make sure I was, okay.

This was, a gathering of friends in joy, that you wouldn’t want to get too far off into the oceans on your own of, a grand gathering that keeps you locked up in beauty, that you forget how tired your legs and arms are from kicking and paddling, a lesson of nature, that teaches us to cherish it even more, once you’d, experienced it all.

And so, this is a way, to get closer to what we’re, protecting, to see the beauties that the oceans have to give to us, which will in turn, drive us to protect it more, to reduce the pollutions, because we want what we’d encountered in this swim to be here, for as long as it’s able to, last.

The Air, My Friend

On the need of having someone who’s similar to us, whom we can, share things, with, the column by Jimmi Liao, translated by me…

I’m Fickle,

Living Inside a Chameleon,

Waiting for a Chameleon to Visit Me,

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, courtesy of UDN.com

Then, We Can, Play Together,

In that Game of, Change, and Camouflage,

So Blessed with Someone Like Me

This is, on the, longing, of the need to connect to someone who’s, similar to us, someone with whom we can, share our interests, our thoughts with, and we all need someone like that in our lives, so we don’t feel, too alone in this, world!

The Love for Their Adopted Child

Love is, thicker than, blood, that is, what this story of how this family was “made” possible, showed…translated…

A lot of couples who longed to become parents, but couldn’t, due to, infertility, and although, they can’t have children who shared their blood, they may well be, having the love of children to them.

My older female cousin and her husband kept longing for children, but, five years after they were wed, no news, they’d worried that they’re, past the period of being fertile enough to carry, went to the hospital to get examined, and started their infertility treatments.  They’d tried everything, in vitro, getting their systems healthy enough by traditional Chinese medicine treatment means, asking the goddess to bless them with a child, drinking the herbal remedies, everything, but, there was, no end in sight.

And, no matter how hard they’d tried, things just, didn’t go as they wanted, and, they’d gotten caught up between becoming expectant, losing hope, they’d spun around for decades on end on this, and, what they’d weathered through, only those who’d gone through the same issues can, understand.

becoming a family! Photo from online

On the year my older cousin turned fifty, after discussing the matter with her husband, they were, prepared to become, parents then, decided to adopt.  After the grueling procedurals, they welcomed Kai, who’s not related to them by blood, into, the family.

The young life of only six-months old came into their lives, the midlife first-time mother was quite busy, my older cousin quit her job to stay at home with her adopted son, and, she’d now found a brand new focus in her life, and became, more energetic.  With a child, everything’s set, with the joys and settledness of being parents, they’d hoped to give the young boy a warm home.

In the adopted family, the most difficult is the matter of telling the adopted children where they came from, the fears, the worries that came with the questions, some families chose to not disclose for the children’s lives, some families, were open about the matter.  Time flew, Kai is older, and, my cousin decided that as her son was in high school, is more matured psychologically, to tell him the truth, in case one day, as he’d discovered that he’d been adopted on his own, the shock may hit him, too, hard.

Recalled that day, as my cousin invited her father and my mother to their home to eat, Kai sensed something in the air, he saw how uneasy we all, were, and as my cousin took Kai’s hand in hers, and announced that they have something to tell him, he’d started first, “mom, dad, I know what you were worried about, a year ago, I saw in the household registry by accident, I already knew that I was, adopted, thank you for giving me all your love, I love you guys!”.  The worries were gone, instantly, my cousin and her husband cried as they’d hugged Kai, “Thank you for becoming our son!”  this was a love, that runs, deeper than, blood.

the thing that this family shared: Love! Photo from online

The experts had suggested, “the children can ask the adults what they wanted to know, then, based off of the child’s individual level of understanding, maturity, then, honestly, hold that conversation, to show the brighter side to adoption”.  Adoption should NOT be a tabooed secret, giving the child double the love, that’s, even more, important.

There’s the news of how there are close to eight hundred children waiting for a home in Taiwan, and, adopting the children slowly became a trend here, and it takes patience for the couples who can’t have children to adopt, the process is quite long, it took my cousin and her family, a total of TWO whole years, to formally, registered Kai into their family, my cousin laughed and told me, “it’s longer than the ten months of, pregnancy!”

So, this is, one alternative way that you can have children, by adoption, and, this is quite important, because by adopting the children, you are not just relating to them in parent and children form, but also, in love, and, there are so many children who are in need of better homes in the world, and if you can’t have children, then, you might consider adopting, after all, love will always be thicker than, blood!

That Young Lad Who Can’t Sit Still

Are these signs for concern?  Not really, because, in your interpretations, your son’s being overly active, it’s just him, being, him!  Translated…

The ball that I’d missed, seemed to have eyes, just, brushed too close to my, ears, your jaw dropped, and, as you’d come to, you’d, started bouncing up and down, like that clown, dancing the moves of the most trendy dance at the times.

what the child enjoys doing…physical activities outdoor! Photo from online

You were just born, and started, exerting signs of your, overactivity.  When you were wrapped up tight in the holding cloth, you’d looked quite, “constipated”, but, once we’d, unrolled you, you’d started, waving your arms, kicking your legs, started, dancing like happy crazy, grandma stated, “he’s an, active one!”  Certainly, grandma was, correct, especially after you’d learned to flip over, to crawl, you’d, not spared a single moments, you were, really, agile too, and, when I was spacing out, you’d, flipped to the other side, and, it’d confused, me as to which direction you’d, gone; I just saw you crawled into the living room, and, in a split second, you were, gone, and I’d not found you, until, I’d, followed the tracks to the, bedroom.

Then, you could walk, at home, in the park, on the playgrounds, you’d, stumbled around, checked your, territories, and, what came into my ears during that period were young baby talks, and the giggling, that came into my mind, time and time again, and brainwashed, me, this was, the most melodic song to my, ears.

also, this too! Photo from online

Then, you’d, caught up with what those young boys loved, speed, straddled on that bicycle, without the training wheels, the snake boards too; but, the heated air started, electrocuting you down, you’d, sought out the speed, but without any concerns for your, safety, gotten all those, bruises, bumps, and more, and I can only, ache for you in my heart, as I’d, patched your injuries, up……there’s nothing I can do, as you’d become, this, overactive, little, man!

And so, this is what, raising a boy is like, those boys, they’re going to, bounce up and down, active in their lives, because that, is what little boys do, and, your young son showed the tendencies of his hyperactivity when he was only, infantile, hated lying on his back, always moving around, for you to, catch up, to find him…

A Letter from Lanyu

That cycle of kindness still, rolled, translated…

Opening the mailbox, a letter from Lanyu slid out, I was confused, because I didn’t know anyone in Lanyu.

And, as I’d read it, I’d found that it was, a thank-you note, thanking me for giving her a scooter, to help her take the delivery job when she’d become, unemployed, to help her pass the hardships of her, life.  And, as she’d stated it, now I, remember it.

Just as my son returned back from overseas, he’d used my name, purchased that scooter, and, due to how later he’d started, going on business trips abroad a whole lot, that scooter became, unused.  I’d suggested to him, that rather than letting the scooter go to waste, he should give it to someone who needed it.  The following day, he’d mentioned it at the office, and a female coworker told, that her older sister in Lanyu, because she’d needed the money to care for her ailing in-laws, had sold off her own scooter, and the pandemic made her unemployed, and she’d wanted to become a delivery driver, but didn’t have the money to purchase a scooter.  She’d asked my son, if he can give the scooter to her?  He’d nodded.

helping others, when you see that they’re in need! Photo from online

After he’d given away that scooter, my son told me, that as he’d taken his scooter for the tune-up before giving it away, the mechanic asked, he could’ve sold the scooter for a whole lot, why he was giving it away?  My son responded that the money he would receive from the sale, would get spent up quite easily, but, if he’d given the scooter to someone who needed it for the livelihood, then, the individual may feed the entire family.

Many a year ago, the paper my neighbors and I had subscribed were late for days, and everybody started, complaining.  And as I’d learned that the delivery boy’s scooter was broken, that he was up north on his own, and couldn’t afford to fix it up, and started delivering the papers on bicycle, I’d immediately told him, that I’m about to switch to a new ride, that he can have my current scooter, even though, it wasn’t, brand new, but it will, help him with the deliveries he needed to make.  As he’d heard, his gratitude was like he was about to get down on his knees and thank me, left that deep impression with me.

Or maybe, it’s because when I was younger, I saw how difficult it was to make a living for my parents’ generation, so, when I got older, whenever there’s someone who needed assistance, I’d, lent a helping hand, and yet, this friend from Lanyu, whom I’d never even met, sent me that, thank you note, it was, totally, surprising.

And so, this is how your kindness, had touched the lives of others, because, the assistance you offered to someone, you may think nothing of it, because it’s, too small to mention, but, to the recipient, it may be lifesaving to her/him!

Awarded the Scholarships, it’d Helped Him Get into N.T.U., Now, He’d Become a Tutor Offering the Help to Others at No Charge

Paying back in kindness, because kindness, is shown, to him too, how the cycles of kindness, still, rolls, from one to the next, off of the Newspapers, translated…

In 2005, the Hsinbei City started the Dreams Foundation, the Department of Education hosted the gratitude banquet, the parent of the students who were given the scholarships, Hong told, that the two sons had been awarded the scholarships long-term, and the eldest tested into the electrical engineering major in N.T.U. last year, the two siblings started a small study center, and offered the tutoring to the children from fragile families, free of charge to them.

The assistant mayor, Liu told, that the Dreams Foundation helped 220 students per year, and to date, there’d been the sums of total of $260,850,000N.T.s, and 3,929 students were the recipients.  In 2020, the dreams fund was set up, in 2022, the sports excellence scholarship, using the three types of scholarship, to offer the scholarships to the outstanding scholastic and sports students who were from poverty stricken backgrounds.

The Department of Education held the gathering yesterday, invited three hundred of the recipients and donors, including the tech company Micro Star International Company Ltd., HESS Foundation, the Temple of Taiwan Jingshan, etc., etc., etc.

Of them, the Dreams Foundation in close to ten years’ time, the retired professor from National Education University, Dai who’d donated the accumulated amount of over ten million dollars N.T., was given the certificate of gratitude, his son came to receive it for him.  Dai told, that his father gave his life to education, that when he was younger, he’d, received the assistance from others, hoped, that through the scholarship foundation, the money can help those students who are in need.

helping young children learn, the tutors give their time…photo from online

The student who received the award, Hong told, that since his son graduated from Linkou High School, he’d started studying in the EE major of N.T.U.; the younger son is in the second grade of the Linkou High School currently, his two children received the scholarship funding for eight and ten years.

The two brothers, to pass the kindness that had been shown to them, started up a small study center locally five years ago, to tutor the children from the lesser families without any tuitions, and they’d helped more than ten students to get into their ideal high schools or university each and every year.

And so, this is how the cycle of kindness still, keeps on rolling, because someone helped someone, and, the someone who received the help, feels grateful, and is now, giving back too, and, that is how the kindness cycle generates, and regenerates, and we need more of these things that give us hope in the current world.

Di Who’d Been a Wonderful, Helper in Caring for My Mother-in-Law

The gratitude the families have, for these, migrant workers, for taking care of the elders in the, families in this country expressed, translated…

Di who’d come to us, to help us care for my mother-in-law since, over two years ago now, as we first met up, being strangers to one another, not knowing if the relationship is going last, how will our interactions change through, time, it’d, made us all, expectant, and, a bit, scared.

Di is agile and quite intelligent, everything we’d asked her to complete, she’d done then, close to, perfection, and she’d known to trace her steps too, and made everything run smoothly.  Sometimes, my mother-in-law would get into a bad mood, and, she’d always been able to sort through the muffed air, and, if she can’t express through verbal communications clearly, then, she’d, used gestures to help her convey, and, if she still can’t make things better for my mother-in-law, then, she’d, come to me to ask for help; several times I’d, helped her sorted through the matters of how things had happened, and, thanks to Google Translate, it’d, helped us communicate better, and I was able to, pick up on some commonly used Indonesian words and phrases with it too.

To quickly get Di and my mother-in-law on the same pages of communication, I carried on in conversation with Di using ALL Taiwanese, and after awhile, she’d become, articulate, more or less.

When the holidays came, we suddenly had a ton of people at home, and, naturally came, the increased amount of housework.  To help us out, we’d taught Di to make some traditional Taiwanese dishes for these occasions, and gave her the information on the meanings of these, special, occasions; toward all of the cultural differences, she would always be agile, in her inquiries, asking “what’s this”, and, “why”.

There would be the various family members from all around the country visiting my mother-in-law by the week, and they’d taught Di how to make what my mother-in-law loved to eat, and, she’d cooked the items like the family members had, demonstrated for her to for my mother-in-law.  Because of her religion, Di doesn’t consume pork, and so, we’d stopped buying the pork, sometimes, when my mother-in-law told her that she wanted the pork, Di would still head to the marketplaces, to purchase the pork, to make it for my mother-in-law.

Later, we’d found, that she would use the tools to keep her from being in direct contact with the pork, and so, after we’d found this, when there’s the pork needed to be prepared, I’d, taken over.  In the many interactions we’d had, the relationship we’d, established, other than employee/employers, we’d become more like, friends, or, even more so like, families, and everybody who knew us told us we were, blessed, to have Di come to work for us, and, other than pure luck, I believe, that it’s how we all worked, to make the amicable interactions that’s, made this relationship run so smoothly.

Recalled back to that very first day as Di arrived, my daughter and I took her around the house to show her everything.  And because making the meals for my mother-in-law is our sole purpose of hiring her, we’d, introduced her to the contents of the fridge, the functions of the various layers, the stove, and how to use the assortments of cookware; then, showed her where my mother-in-law sat and lay every day, and how these places needed to be sanitary, completely clean all the time.

Making sure, that we’d covered all the, major basis first, then, we would, start adjusting to the details of things, to even now, we’re still, adapting to each other, learning from, each other.

I’m too grateful that this kind hearted foreign nurse’s aide had been sent to us, with Di, I’m more than certain, that in the days to come, she will, do her best, in helping us take care of my mother-in-law.  And, we will, also, work hard, to carry the responsibilities for caring for our elders, while Di became the “heaven sent helper” to our, family.

And so, this is on being blessed, with a wonderful nurse’s aide that you were hiring, and, some families are quite lucky, to find the right people to care for their loved ones, and, in these cases, it’s mostly due to how the families are kind to the hired help, and, the hired help naturally, reciprocated the kindness shown to them, in doing their best to care for who they were hired to look after.

Gazing into the Distance, a Poem

Regrets over what’s been, lost through time already, and, ain’t NO chance anyone will EVER, get what’s already lost, B-A-C-K!  Translated…

A Painting

Turned All that’s in Your Sight into, Yours Now

A Car Broke Down Because of This

For the Sake of, the Lingering Sights of the Backside

They All Contained, that Segment of, the Desperate Longing for Time to Stay

The Journey Always

Flashes by Second-by-Second

Like that Name

what do you see, what do you, hope to, see??? Photo from online

The Strokes to Writing it

Became Things of the, Past

The Mountains Started, Showing Themselves

Allowing the Wind to Clear Them Off

Of Last Night’s, Rain

Deeper Inward to the Sorrows Which are, Way Beneath

Like the Lake, or a

Sea with No More Raging Waves

All Became, Smoothed Over Like the Crystal Clear

Surface of that, Mirror

Showing the, Chapters of, the Ripples

On the Cliff, You’d Desperately

Tried, Melting Down All that You See

Into, the Sun, Setting

So, there’s not just, the desperation, but also, that intense sense of, longing in this, maybe, you’d lost something or someone, that you wanted back desperately, but, that can’t happen, because, the past is, the past and once something is the past, that’s, where it would, S-T-A-Y!