Monthly Archives: November 2022

Fearful of Listening to the Voices of the, People

How We WILL, be HEARD!  Even if it meant, that we have to, rise up, and riot, or even, revolt against the authoritarianisms of these, popularly elected officials, and this time, the voice of the people in Taiwan, was, heard, but this didn’t happen in China, with Xi’s policies of clearing ALL the cases of contraction, locking the country down, and people are getting, restless, and upset, and eventually, they will, riot, revolt too, as the people here in Taiwan, had taught the DDP its lesson this last voting session we just had!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

There were, the continuing tragedies of the China’s clearing all contraction means of handling the pandemic.  The fires in Ürümchi shehiri due to the sealing of the towns, causing the help to not arrive on time, resulted in ten deaths, this started up the riots locally in China, the masses held up the white sheets of papers to protest their upset toward how the government handled it in silence.  “The A4 Revolution” had made it into Beijing, causing the unsettlement, the global economy came into play, as the outside world watches the developments of how Communist China is to handle the matter, and worrying more that the suppression of the towns and cities may cause a political riot.

the white paper movement of China, photo from online…

Xi stressed, “the people are everything”, keeping the people is keeping everything well.  And yet, the people of China can only raise those white sheets of papers up in protest, their voices aren’t being heard by the government.  Xi based his policies off of how he was advanced in the governing powers, disregarded the need for personal freedoms, and the needs of the people in their daily living.  The policies of sealing up the country, eventually got turned over by the World Cup, as the people saw how the rest of the world is living with the virus, returned their lives back to normal; and thus, the government became, a comparison basis of the people.

And, another government that zoomed in on clearing all the cases, Tsai’s, also went under fire of the judgment of the people.  The Tsai government claimed that the country was an example of how we’d kept the cases of contractions down, but, seeing how clearing the cases, to how the pandemic took over the country n such a short time, how the government had to, adjust its policies from clearing all the cases to coexisting with the virus; the higher up officials, sitting atop the glories of wealth and economy, with we the people, bearing the consequences of the bad policies.  People are faced with the high morbidity rates, the high contraction rates too, while the Tsai government doesn’t do a thing, and it’d, attempted to shut us all up, by stripping us of our rights to vote.

Thankfully, we the people of Taiwan TAUGHT the government a hard learned lesson with our votes.  Comparing to the A4 Revolution, it showed, just how important, the votes we’d cast were, and we will, NEVER forgive the Tsai government for taking away the right to vote from we the people.

Xi’s father once stated: the revolution of the party occurred, the people’s voices won’t be heard.  “Fearing democracy is an expression of neurosis”.  The online community used Xi’s father to mock him.  These words, should be a loud wakeup call to Tsai as well: how can she behave like Xi, hiding herself away, for more than seven hundred days on end, because she feared hearing the people’s, voices?

This is classic avoidant personality, not dealing with the problems, and, it’s the leaders of the country, the party in power that’s, avoidant, on the important matters regarding ALL of our (we the people’s) lives here.  And, this country IS, shifting towards authoritarianism, and we the people are still, enabling the government in abusing us, because we are at our wits end, on how to FIGHT, how to DEFY the authoritarianism of the DDP, but we’d showed them by voting a lot of the city and county leaders from that party, OUT of office this last election!

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The Riots Against the Orders to Close Down the Cities in China Different than Tiananmen, the Chinese Dreams Got Beaten by Livelihood of the People, Now the People Demand Freedom

The A-4 revolution of the people, caused by the dictatorship of Xi of China, and how the people of China finally, got FED up, being controlled by the, government, with the growing pandemic as the fuel to this fire that’s starting, to burn right now, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The fires in Ürümchi shehiri leading to the national riots all around, not only did it prove Mao’s “a tiny spark can causes a huge forest fire”, it’d also, caused a serious impact on Communist rule of China, this is the largest scale riot in thirty years in modern China.

Some of the commentators compared this to the Tiananmen Square massacre in 1989, this was, improperly stated.  Research showed, as people get trapped in poverty long-term, they are less likely to riot and rise up, but, as the living standards are improved, to a certain degree, there would be the anti-government activities that start to happen all around.  In the nineties, the communist government of U.S.S.R. and Eastern Europe quickly got taken over after the reforms happened, the backgrounds of Tiananmen too, is quite similar, it’s just that it got, suppressed by the forces.  In political science, the anger of the people that came into being due to this oppression, is “the relative sense of being deprived.”

This current incident however, is a crumbling of the contract of societal functioning between the person in power and the people.  In Thoreau’s philosophy, he’d believed, that the people are willing to give up certain freedoms if the person or party in power put up an equated quality or ideal, and once the social contract crumbled, then the relations of both became led by tension.  This, applied to China, the Communists are able to gain totalitarian control because after the reforms, the economic is taking off, as the speed of development entered into the plateau stage, then, the government must come up with alternative plans to help the system progress.

From the western cultures, the reforms in economics brings about the reforms of the governing systems, Korea and Taiwan are examples of this.  In 2001, in WTO approving China as its members, without the country’s being up to standards in international trades, is due to this ideal of the western world’s
“the evolution of peace”, hoping, that through the involvements, it can cause China to participate in the multivariate politics.  And yet, it’d not worked out, although the Chinese economics is steadily on the rise, and the political environment turned to more open in Hu and Wen’s terms as leaders of the country, but, in 2012, since Xi took power, it’d, shifted back into authoritarianism.

 Before Wen stepped down, he’d stated, with a heavy heart: if we don’t push for the reforms, we may eventually, lose the results of the economical reforms as well.  But unfortunately, Xi didn’t heed Wen’s advice, instead, he’d convinced the people, using another means to make sure the people followed and obeyed his rule: the Chinese dreams.  Simply put, tapping into people’s patriotism, to replace the needs, the demands of the reform toward a more democratic government.  This emotional appeal, normally, can be enforced by reaching out to the law enforcement authorities, to keep the people in check, however, this means of control stop working, as soon as the people can’t even fulfill their most basic needs for staying alive, and losing their personal, freedoms.

What Communist China is currently faced with, is exactly as described, and, comparing to the goals of reform of more politically-oriented from the Tiananmen riots, what the people are demanding, is their living needs be, fulfilled, and if the Communist government doesn’t consider it, then, the riots will get out of control soon.

As the most basic needs of food, shelter, what we need to live our daily lives became, unfulfilled, we are, driven to revolt, because these are the most basic needs of us as humans, to live, to survive on the planet, and as China stayed TOUGH on its plan to clear ALL the cases of MERS-CoV, life gets harder for the people in the country, they’re, running out of their basic living needs, foods, water, etc., etc., etc., and naturally they are, going to, revolt, and, it will in turn, lead to the changes of the formations of the government, because people are now, banding together, to fight against the dictatorship, the authoritarianism of the man who’d called the shots way too long in the country.

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Humbling, Only on the Lips, with the Bad Attitudes, Causing Disgust in the People’s Perceptions of the Government

How the ambiguity of the DDP’s claims of how they have nothing BUT the best interests of we the people in mind, finally, backfired, as we the people started realizing, that the DDP only got its own, best interests in mind…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The day before the nine-in-one voting, I wrote down the list of predictions of the more competitive cities which candidates will win in each, wanted to see if I guessed, correctly, I got a hundred-percent rate of, accuracy.

I’d predicted that the KMT will take the country, and the DDP losing to its, pants.

Basis on that:

The matter of Lin, originally, he could’ve, dropped out of the mayoral race of Taoyuan, and that would’ve been, that, but as Tsai ordered her party, to back him up, it’d already, damaged the images of the DDP to we the people.  Although two days later, Lin announced himself, that he was dropping out of the race, but the damages are, already, done.

The defense against the spread of MERS-CoV was, seemingly, successful, however, the vaccines of Medigevac, no matter how we examined it, is a case of bribery, embezzlement, the government’s, using the people as lab rats, and, the DDP stood still, no matter how the masses questioned the means that it went about in approving the vaccines, and we are all, disgusted by the DDP’s manners.

The executive, the legislative, should be separate but, equals, as clearly stated in the constitution.  The bad actions of the legislators, we the people, kept in mind.  But, as the orders from higher up are becoming more and more arrogant, we the people would start hating the government for it; especially as the party stressed how humble it will be on its lips, but, in reality, the officials are acting exactly, opposite of what they’re preaching, other than we the people, being disgusted with the party, our votes would certainly reflect this disgust we are feeling over the government’s doings.

The week before the elections, the party in power started campaigning like crazy, I suspect, that this is due to how the DDP knew, that the polls are bad, but, they’d still gone all out, in supporting their own party’s candidates, which didn’t do any good.

The society in Taiwan feel for the lesser, as the party in power started attacking the opposing party candidates characters, surely, it would make the people feel disgusted by its behaviors.

The actual politics, is something that’s too complex, too intertwined, the voting, is even more so.

And it seemed, that no one actually, take a deeper look, into the meanings of how the sways around election time for the last twenty-two years, and see the origins of these changes, and understands the meaning of these, shifts.

Of the nineteen million voters in Taiwan, less than ten-percent belonged to any political party, the other more than ninety-percent of voters don’t have party preferences at all.  And, Taiwan, being a place where the voters are, quite, educated, the statement of “we the people are in charge”, is real, at least, on the day of the votes, it was; so, it’s no surprise, the 1.2 million votes would sway with the good and bad, left to right.

After the nine-in-one, we’re, facing up to 2024, and, it would be ambiguous, and not understand how the country functioned, predicting which party, which candidate would, win.

I personally, don’t have any party preferences, nor do I, follow the politicians from the political parties, so I hope, that these elected officials, really show their love toward Taiwan, to keep themselves in line.

And yeah, if these politicians can keep themselves in check, then, we would NOT have this huge mess that this country is stuck in right now.  It’s all because of how those in power got that taste of what power felt like, and became power-thirsty, craving more, that’s led them to, abuse their power status, and we the people too, that’s why, we took control of the government, BACK, this time we voted!

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Solitude

The portrait painted with the poet’s, words, translated…

Between heaven and earth, there’s no world you can, squeeze, into.

The distances between raindrops, however, is, more, tolerant, the years squeezed through the spaces, how easily, it’s only, false fat.

the painting by the writer, courtesy of UDN.com

The shadows of the birds in flight, rested atop the surfaces of the waters, thoughtless.  The light blues, the navy blues, deep blues, midnight blues………..no ripples in the heart, but quite, deep, the real depth can’t be expressed in written forms.  The coldness bit, like the sharpened teeth of, the silence and solitude.

The rain and wind came in late autumn, like the older folks we knew, never, stopped chatting when they’d called us up.

And so, this is personification of nature, there’s, that scent, of being solitary, but not the loneliness which, hurt.

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A Mom Who’s Unlike a Mom

How the daughter became, more like a mother, to her own mother, and they’re, learning from each other by the day, growing “up” together, translated…

“Teacher says we should NOT throw the trash everywhere!” I continued to get corrected by my third-grade daughter on the back of my scooter; “and you’re riding way too fast, it’s too dangerous!”, got corrected by her, although, the shame made my face turned red, but I’m somewhat pleased too, asked, “why can’t I litter and speed?”, she’d started telling of the importance of the keeping the living environment clean, and road safety, being the common responsibilities shared by everybody in the community, actually, I’d not focused on listening to her rant, but I felt glad, that my bad example had, turned into an opportunity for her to, “educate” me.

In the era where the net cafés are all over, I’d wanted to know why the adolescents get sucked in, and invited my middle school age daughter to come with me to experience; but, this young lady straightened her face, told me, that the people aren’t of the good sorts, that there may be “drugs” hidden there, that I may get lured in by the sound, the lights, and the smokes that I might get addicted, that I should be a better role model, because I’m the adult………hearing how self-righteous she’d become, I’d not worried at all, that she might be swayed by the, bad influences now.

more like best friends! Photo from online

In the teens, we may get the feelings of love, of relationship, I’d encouraged my daughter to make more friends who are guys, to get to understand the logics, the thoughts, the views of the opposite sex, I’d even asked her frequently, if she’d met a buddy-buddy kind of boyfriend?  And seeing how I’d gone from excited to, disappointment each and every time, she’d told me, that all her classmates’ parents banned them from dating, and I’d taught her to distract herself with romance, that I was, a, weird, mom.

I didn’t want her to go to cram school, told her to not study that hard, to spend more mind on learning the skills she will find more useful to live on, and to learn the right ways to interact with others, encouraged her own going all out in play in the major exams, to play only a little when she only had quizzes to take, and, play even harder when there are no tests, that way, she can get, fully, relaxed.  Once she’d dropped from first in class to third, I’d taken her out to celebrate, because that way, she now has room for improvement; she was upset of how she’d dropped three places, and felt helpless over how I could, care less about her grades.

I’d treated my only daughter as a friend I’m growing up with, I’d cherished her companionship, other than being my “traffic light”, reminding me to do this, to do that, how I shouldn’t do this or that, I’d often asked her to chase after the movie stars, the singers, to play, to shop.  She has a unique sense of beauty, became my attire consultant, the coach to help me with my work presentation, and I’d even consulted her on how to set up my social networking accounts too, so we talk about everything, there’s no I’m the parent, you should respect me.

Children are our, mirrors, reflecting the actions, the words of us, parents, she’d often made me realized that I was still being impacted by my own childhood upbringing, that I sometimes, get stuck on needed the affirmations of others around me; I’d also found on her, that we would learn, make mistakes, fail, and acquire the abilities to think independently of others, to judge for ourselves.

I don’t need to be perfect, I’m worthy of love, I can, become, the most real version of my own, self, instead of getting trapped in the role of “the ideal mom” role that I’d forced myself, to play all the time.

And so, in this mother-daughter relationship, the daughter became like a mother to the mother, and, the mother, a daughter, and this was still due to the upbringing of the adult, and this woman is lucky, that her daughter was willing and able, to put up with her childish ways, to help her mom grow up, into, a complete being, while she’s already an old soul herself already.

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The Anti-China Card that’s, Failed in This Local Election

How we the people, finally, got too god damn, TIRED, of that same old hand that the DDP played here!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The midterm exam grade report for the government led by Tsai, received a solid F by we the people!  And there are, so many, reasons too, what we the people can’t put up with the most, is how the DDP thought, that so long as they filled the answer sheet up with “Fight China to Protect Taiwan”, the exam administers won’t flunk it.  The results of the nine-in-one proved, that as the government lacked honesty, boasted on its performances, embracing the bribes, no matter how hard they’d played that card of “fight China to protect Taiwan”, it still couldn’t save the elections.

Thinking back to the elections, the original focus should’ve been constructions of public facilities, and the public policies and a reexamination of the local mayors’ ability to govern; but with the fermenting of Lin’s plagiarism, the pandemic getting to an all-time high, as well as the impacts from the disclosures by the DDP commentators, the DDP that’s lost its center clearly, panicked, and can only play that same old tune, attempted to manipulate the local offices elections into the entire country’s people’s against China.

For instance, Tsai called aloud, for people to defy China to protect Taiwan to help the party members’ campaigns, the DDP mayoral candidate, Chen stated that he had the “DNA to defy China and protect Taiwan”, same as the candidates from other cities such as Taichung, the head recruit of the DDP, Ke commended Tsao’s value of fighting against China to protect Taiwan as the “New Values of Taiwan”.

But, the people had reached hoard immunity toward the DDP’s calling to people to defy China and protect Taiwan.  Especially as what went on onstage, is complete, against what’s happened off stage, it’d shown the double-standards of “The DDPs can, but you can’t”, leaving nothing but stench to the “new Taiwan values”.

Tsai’s power is about to be, crippled, and, the claims of “defying China to protect Taiwan” became an open sore, this is merely, a wakeup call to the DDP’s selling the ideologies, and forgetting the core values.

And so, in this election, we the people SHOWED the government, how we will, NOT be bullied by the government run by the DDP, because for the last, how many years again, since the pandemic occurred, the DDP government had, totally, FUCKED (don’t pardon me!) us all up, delaying the imports of the vaccines that were effective, taking the handouts, the leftover, the ineffective AZ vaccines donated to the country, and all of these added up, attributed to how and why the DDP had lost to, their underpants in this election.

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Finally, We Met

Infertility, miscarriages, that baby bump, etc., etc., all experienced, by a woman’s, body here!!!  Translated…

Been married awhile, my belly stayed, perfectly, still, as I’d discussed with my husband, we’d gone to the fertility clinic, and, as we were checked, we’d followed the advice of the physician for us to continue with the in vitro fertilization, and several times, they’d all, failed, we started contemplating if we want to continuing on to the next stage: in vitro.  To tell the truth, I’m a bit, scared, my husband worried that my body can’t handle it, worried that I may not be physically well enough for the whole thing, told me that it’s okay; hearing his words so warm, I’d, squeezed his hand, told him I want to try it.

The first time, we were lucky, the embryo got implanted, I’d felt so blessed, but by the seventh week, the baby’s heart stopped, and I can only describe the moment of me realizing this as thunder and lightning strike.  I’d held it in, not broken down at the hospital, as we got home, we’d held onto each other and cried too hard, maybe, the affinity is just, not yet, I’d consoled myself.  Waited until I smoothed over my loss, I’d decided to get my systems well enough, then, give it, another, go.  Two years later, we’d gone for the second in vitro, as the embryo was implanted the beta-human chorionic gonadotropin rose up slowly, and, several returns back to the clinic, the fertility specialist told us that this time, it’d failed too, looked at my husband’s face, I’d pretended to be tough, told him, that we shall, try one more time, and if it still didn’t happen, then, we leave it, up to, fate.

And, I held the mindset of, “it might fail again”, got my third in vitro, then, the embryo implanted successfully, and all my digits steadily rose up.  But this time, we both decided to wait until after the first trimester before we shared the good news with our loved ones.  After all, receiving all the concerns, it’d, caused pressures on us too, and, we’d been trying for a very, long time, and we’d thought, if this time is still bust, then, we shall, stop trying.

Although, we’d told one another this, as well as our own selves, but, I’m still, quite, anxious.  Thought about how my first in vitro got only to seven weeks, so this time as I went in for my exams, I’d felt, expectant, and scared, looked up at the monitor screen to see the ultrasound image, I remembered to this day—that seven-week-old tiny little heart, beaten out that strong rhythmic, pulse, with each beat, it was like it was saying, “hi mom, first time seeing you, hello!”

And, after each and every try that didn’t work, you have to go through the loss emotionally, and physically, and yet, the thought of having a baby is too strong to beat, and finally, that heartrate is, steady and stable inside, and now, you just have to keep your body healthy, until your child is ready to meet you in person physically.

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Stripping Those Contracted of Their Voting Rights, the Taiwanese Human Rights Activist Group Criticized the DDP for Discrimination

How we continued, to get, controlled, by the DICTATORSHIP of Tsai and her party, the DDP, and there’s nothing we can do about it, and, these are the votes, lost, because they never get cast, because the government banned its people from voting!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Central Elections Commissions, the Command Center announced, that there are around 65,000 contracted who would be banned from voting this year, the chairperson of the Central Elections Commission, Lee stated, to protect the rights to vote and the safety and health of the officials, everything is, by the book.  There were, another seven death row inmates who couldn’t vote in the public issues, who’d asked the courts for a day off from serving the time, the Taipei Highest Executive Courts tossed back the ruling.

The secretary of the Human Rights Advancement Association in Taiwan, Shih told, that the government’s ban of voting by the contracted, is a round-and-about kind of discrimination, that Central Elections Commissions not doing anything about this, is stripping us of our rights to vote.

The head of the Examination Department, Chen said, the executive department should’ve examined the issues of the contracted voting long ago, that if there’s the problems, the department should tell the public about it sooner, that would be the behaviors of a responsible, transparent, government.  The director of the Command center, Wang stated that he would, respect it.

As for the rights to vote for the death row inmates, the judiciary systems believed, that the inmates are citizens, in prison uniforms, other than being restricted by the jail, there should NOT be a ban on their rights to vote.  The Central Elections Commission is only responsible for directing, supervising the voting proceedings, that it’s not a primary unit responsible in overseeing this, the seven death row inmates can’t have a day off using the Central Elections Commission as an excuse.

And so, these are the votes that don’t count: those serving time in prison, those who’d contracted MERS-CoV, those who are in their at-home quarantine sessions, and those who didn’t register with the land offices at their household registry, and, these are all the votes that won’t get, counted, because, this government does NOT give a flying FUCK (so???) about the people’s, rights!

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If You Missed a Beat, Just Catch it, Again

Why vote?  I mean, when the party in power can, override we the people’s, opinions, just take the precedence of that last voting on importing of pork with ractopamine, the restart of Nuclear two, that just shows, how useful (being SARCASTIC here!!!) it is, for we the people, to VOICE our, opinions!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Will you go vote this year?  Honestly, this election, I’d felt, that no matter who wins, there won’t be much change to my life, even if my good friend called aloud, “if you don’t express your opinions, you’re leaving your life for others to decide, you do realize that, don’t you?”

Thought of how the candidates I’d voted for, who’d, gotten elected, and totally, forgot about the promises they’d made to their, constituents, and viewed the number of votes in that stack, as her/his own, volume of voice, so, do I go to the polls this year?  I’m totally, not, motivated, to.

Asking those around me, those who are living out of their registered voter regions, although they all held their separate opinions, but they’d not planned to return home to vote, the server at the lunch shop, chimed on the soaps they were chasing, and voting wasn’t anywhere NEAR the priorities list.

My old friend from long ago, complained on social network, how the candidates campaigning in his area on the weekends got too loud, he’d bluntly stated, “not my problem, who gets, elected, I still have to work hard for my own life, politics means nothing to me in my life!”

Our unimportant vote, maybe, it’d caused that sigh from the politicians; but, reviewing over the election results of the past, it’d actually, reflected the societal atmospheres at the time, and, shaped the thoughts from then on, affecting the younger generations, especially.

The former PM of Japan, Yoshihiko, in his speech to remember Shinzo pointed out: “the mic in the politicians’ hands, aren’t just an amplifier, but it’d, affected the living and the lives of, the citizens.”

Will you vote this year?  Who are you, giving that mic, your life, to?

Yeah, but if we live under a government, that uses all its means, to overturn the people’s decisions, like from before the votes on importing the pork with the ractopamine, the tying the local elections with the issues voting, yada, yada, yada, it’d not gotten passed, and we all went, so, what’s the point of voting again???  It’s, SHIT!!!

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A Conservative Society that Lacked the Conservatism Ideals

Yeah, and ain’t that, somethin’ O-D-D???  On the weird situation of how the government is preaching about, advances in human rights, same-sex marriage rights, and we’d all voted for these, but, we the people become, more and more, conservative in our own belief systems, ain’t that, a, phenomenon???  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

It’s the FINAL countdown to the mayoral elections, and at the same time, the public issues vote of whether or not eighteen-year-olds should be allowed to vote is on, I’d attended the press conference on the matter awhile ago, and there was almost NO one who spoke on the “against” side.  Does this mean, that there are now opposing opinions, that it’s, in the bags already?  Clearly, the facts don’t point that way.

In the recent years, on the discussions of the public policies, there’s no room for “no progression”.  For instance, the death penalty, same sex marriages also showed similar, trends: most people complained on how the government does NOT enforce the death penalty enough, while the sounds from the legal realm called out for the abolition of the death penalty; only the religious groups are against same-sex marriages, and they got laughed at, but, the results of the public issues votes, showed a clear difference of the “voice volumes of against the values.”

This showed: the right to voice the opinions are taken hostage or taken over.  Toward the debates of public policy issues, it seemed that the only right direction was opening up, and “progressing toward the more advanced”, and, as the varied opinionated leaders are in opposition, the “marker of progression” is behind the rest of the world’s.  In actuality, there are, those conservatives in the society, it’s just, that their voices got ignored, covered up by the mainstream.

In western countries, conservatism isn’t negative.  The beliefs of conservatisms, “first, we must make sure that these values don’t injure us, then, we talk about efficacy”.  If the conservative is synonymous with negativity, and it would go underground, then, become a new form of, extremism, turn into hatred for all changes, that everything should be old-school.

The conservatism and avant-garde are both choices in values, they’d interacted with each other, to make the civilizations progress.  In Taiwan in recent times, however, it’d become, a conservative society, without the ideals of conservatism, and that is, problematic.  When the opinions that clashed against one another, the generations can’t communicate to reach that common ground, then, this becomes, a ticking time bomb of our, society.

And so, this is on how we shifted ourselves against the more advanced beliefs, same sex marriages, abortions, whatever, we’re all for that, but, when it comes down to our individual values, we are, against these values because we can’t, uproot that, conservative belief that had been, rooted down into our minds and beings, since too long ago, and you DO see there’s an incongruence, of how the society as a whole is advanced, but the values of individuals are still, old-school, and how this will be, problematic in the end, right???

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