Category Archives: Re-Experiencing the Trauma

The House of Her, Nightmared Past…

How many nightmares, can a house, “hold”???  She kept wondering, as she got out of that house she grew up in…

The house of her, nightmared past, she’d tried so hard to, escape from, to get away, but, no matter how far she’d, drifted from that nightmared house where she grew up, her mind always, dragged her ass back!

things that continued to hurt her that she can’t, get away, from…photo from online

The house of her, nightmared past, where she’d been, tortured, raped (it wasn’t “physical”, or so she’d, recalled…), and left for dead, but she’d, not died, because, she’s still, right here (don’t ask where!)…

The house of her, nightmared past, she couldn’t, outrun, it’d, become, a part of her, long, long, long ago, before she, grew up!  That house of her, nightmared past, it’ll, always be right there, in her mind, NO matter how hard she’d tried to erase that part of her childhood, it won’t, “go away”, that, easily…………….

Leave a comment

Filed under Innocence Lost, Life, Loss, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Suppressed Memories, White Picket Fence

Trekking These Streets of the, Past…

Trekking these streets of the, past, it’d brought back, many, memories…

Trekking these streets of the, past, don’t know which sort of ghosts I’ll, bump into, and frankly, I’m a bit, scared here.  Trekking these streets of the, past, why am I here again, I just, walked this path, not too long ago, and yet, it seemed, that I’m, right back where I, started from, why is that?

with these walls, falling apart, piece, by, piece…photo from online

Trekking these streets of the, past, I’m getting really tired and weary, but, my feet had, put on those, god damn, DANCING shoes that kept going, going, going, all night (like in the story with the princesses who’d, snuck out???), and they just, won’t, allow me to rest for some, reasons.

Trekking these streets of the, past, I don’t want to anymore, I want to just, CAMP my ASS down on the ground, and refuse to walk any longer, like that TWO-YEAR old, but I’m, way past two already, which would make that, unacceptable, behaviors, so, no terrible-two tantrums for me then?

Leave a comment

Filed under Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Suppressed Memories, Values

On that Weekend Before Mother’s Day, I Met, the DEVIL!

The DEVIL takes, MANY, “forms”…

On that weekend before Mother’s Day, I met, the DEVIL!  He’d, extended those, withered fingers toward me, and I was, way too young, way too naïve, way too, unsuspecting, as the DEVIL “dressed” himself up as, a frail, elderly person.

On that weekend before Mother’s Day, I met, the DEVIL, and, he’d, reached out, and, touched me, because he’d asked me for a hug, and due to my previous experience with another, kinder, elderly man, I thought, that he’s, harmless, but turned out, he was, POISON.

On that weekend before Mother Day, I got MOLESTED, by a stranger, and he’d, attempted to attack me again, only, only that there WAS no, second time ‘round, ‘cuz I’d, wised up, and what was worse what, the DEVIL destroyed my trust, and I could, no longer, interact with the outside world, as I once had, with that, kindness of heart anymore.

I would’ve NEVER have guessed that the hands of the Devil will look like this…

photo from online

THAT, was the EFFECT of, meeting, the DEVIL, and, there are, still too many evil, and good in this god damn world that I’m currently, residing in, and I know that, NOT all people ARE, like that, but I just, kept my, guards, UP a lot of times now.

Guess, that was, a much-needed, wakeup call for me, to TEACH me the lesson of, not be, mistaken by how someone appears, and to NOT show kindness to others, unless, they show kindness toward me, first………

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Improper Misconducts, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Lessons, Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Sexual Misconducts, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

The Male School Instructor Had Abused a Male Student to the Point that the Student Would Pass Out Twenty-Times a Day

The abuse by this ill-fitted school instructor that’s caused this male student to suffer from dissociative symptoms, and PTSD as well, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

A male instructor, Liu asked a ten-year-old male student to look out for his young son who just started in school, believed that the student he’d asked to watch out for his son didn’t do his job, he’d beaten the genital of the student with a drum stick, and abused the ten-year-old for a whole year, causing the boy to start exerting the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, and he’d fainted in school twenty times once.  The Taipei District Court found that Liu the instructor, used his authority as a school instructor, abused a helpless student, during the trial, he’d ignored how he’d caused the child to become psychologically ill, that he deserved a harsh punishment, sentenced him to four years six months for obstructing the growth of young children; this can be appealed.

The victimized male student wrote the thank you notes to the judges, “Thank you, judges, for serving justice for me”, “it’d been four years since, although I’m taller, and more mature now, but it’d still, stayed in my mind, I kept replaying the scene of me, getting beaten up by Mr. Liu.”

Based off of investigations, the instructor, Liu believed that the student didn’t care for his son well enough, had multiple times abused him in class, using the drum sticks to beat on his genital, his bones in the calves, or smacked the back of the student’s head, temple, the nose ridge, and slapped him across the face, insulted him, “Your father is stupid, your mother, a fool, that’s why a trash like you were born, you IDIOT!”, and forced the student to not tell anybody about his abuse.

The victimized student started exerting the symptoms of dizziness, stomach troubles, and started in September of the following year, he’d started having the fainting spells in class, started screaming and begging for forgiveness, and was later diagnosed with PTSD with symptoms of dissociation.

The instructor, Liu denied the allegations of abuse to the end, and claimed that he was libeled and slandered against by the young student.

But the homeroom instructor of the boy told, that the victim would pass out in class, ten to twenty times a day, that as he’d fallen down, he’d started, convulsing, kept ranting, “I won’t do it again, I’m sorry, Mr. Liu, I won’t, do it, again!”

The Collectivist Court found, that before the boy was placed in medical treatment, he’d never disclosed what Liu had done to him, later, as he’d disclosed what had happened to him when he was unconscious, and his families heard, that he had, NO reasons to, frame Liu.

And so, this is how the victims of abuse, suffered from the dissociations, reliving the traumatic moments of what had happened to him, and this instructor was awful in his means of abusing the student, and he NEVER should’ve asked a TNE year old KID to take care of his own young, first grade son, the boy is still a child himself, and how the @#$%, can he, possibly, take up the responsibilities of caring for another child who’s, only, a few years younger than he is?

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Exposed, Crime & Punishment, Early Exposures, Excuses, Expectations, Improper Behaviors of School Instructors, Nowhere Is Safe, Punishment Doesn't Fit the Crime, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Unsafe in the Schools, Violence in Schools, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

DADDY by Kristin Garth — Punk Noir Magazine

PATTY GIDDIS                                                                Inbox – iCloud  3:23 am   Fine let’s talk this way   To:  mgiddis@aol.com   Daddy,   Maybe this way you won’t hang up on me again or worry about my roommate knowing my sordid secret.  She’s not even here to peek over my shoulder at what I’m typing – actually would never […]

DADDY by Kristin Garth — Punk Noir Magazine

Leave a comment

Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Awareness, Children Murdered, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Choices, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Everyone Else's Fault, Excuses, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Incest, Interactions Shared with the World, Life, Losing Sight of What's Important, Loss, Love Became Murder, Memories Shared, Messed Up Values, Negligence, Nowhere Is Safe, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, White Picket Fence

See My Pains

See my pains!  But, how the, FUCK (so???) can you!

See my pains, you never had, and you never, will, and I’d become, more than, fine with that now.  See my pains, you never did, where the FUCK (so???) were you, when I got, SEXUALLY MOLESTED (and yes, that was, what that was, called, and add the “charges” of Munchausen by Proxy, learned THAT in Abnormal Child Psy, PSYC 4363 WAS, the “course number”!), where the FUCK were you, when I’d, RAPED all those, girl (most of them were in the “population”???) dolls that I had?

See my pains, you never did, and you still, don’t, only, only I’m, no longer, in pain (save for when I have my monthly SHITS here!!!), ‘cuz, I’d, resolved, EVERYTHING already, and, nothing can ever, get to me, again.

See my pains, you never will, and you still, don’t acknowledge my sufferings growing up, but hey, who the FUCK needs your, validations again?  I sure as hell don’t!  See my pains, oh wait, you can’t, and you never will, and I’d, stopped, trying to, make you.

And now, I shall, sit here, on the sidelines (not playing these games no more!!!), and watch, as your worlds, CRASH down and you will end up, BURYING your own, precious children, and when you look sorrowful, helplessly at me, guess what I will say to you?

Oh, yeah, I’m absent, from all of this shit, I’d, checked out!

And there’s, NOTHING you can do, to MAKE me feel a thing about anything again, as in, E-V-E-R and that, is that!

Leave a comment

Filed under Abandonment of Children, Burying One's Own Child, Cost of Living, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Innocence Lost, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma

The Traumas Your Minds Can’t, Remember…

The traumas your minds can’t, remember, well, guess what?  Your bodies, keep track, and, there, ain’t NO way, of dodging, that hard-hitting, tornadoes that’s, comin’, all your, ways there.

The traumas your minds can’t, remember, other parts (don’t ask which “parts”) of your, entire, “being” will, keep on, keeping track of, and, you won’t know, when the triggers of what happened will, make you, unwind, and everything will, break loose, suddenly, because that, is how it goes!

The traumas your minds can’t, remember, oh, but your minds, remembered them, every single last one, it’s just, that your minds knew, you are, not quite ready yet to deal, so, to protect you, they’d, wrapped you up, inside, those, bubbles, to insulate you from the pains.

with the layers, one, inside of another, and another, and another, and, another…photo from online

But eventually, your body remembered and, it will, remind your minds of, your traumas, and, it will, HIT you, too hard, ‘cuz you’d been wrapped, safe and sound, insulated, unsuspecting, just like IDIOTS (so???  Feel free to take them offenses, why don’t ya!), without a single clue.

Then, WHAM!  All hell breaks, L-O-O-S-E, and…

Yeah, sorry, I’m not here to help, ‘cuz, my hands are, T-I-E-D!

NOT my problem, I’d already, DEALT with every single, FUCKED up shit in my fucking life here, and besides, I got my best friend, NIMBY, as my, best, “defense”, so………

Leave a comment

Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Children Murdered, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Coping Mechanisms, Healing Process, Life, Mental Health Issues, Overcoming Obstacles, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma

The Female Government Employee of Hsinbei City Suspected of Being Raped, in the Process of Counseling, She’d, Melted Down, Committed Suicide, the Offices of Sanitations Got Corrected

Forced to relive through the traumas of her rape again in the counseling sessions, which led to her suicide!  There’s the faulty proceedings of counseling for certain here!  Off of the Newspapers, translated…

The female employee, Lin of the Offices of Sanitations of Hsinbei City two years ago after she was raped, committed suicide, from before she’d accused a CEO of a certain physical therapy center, Liao for long-term sexual assault, the members of the Examination Committee, Ji, and Chang investigated into the matter and believed, that the Hsinbei Offices of Sanitations was faulty in the means of handling the matter, that in the process of counseling the employees in need, the office didn’t follow the protocols, and started up the case to correct the offices.  The Hsinbei City Office of Sanitations responded, that they are, taking the advices of the committee members, and will work their hardest to strengthen the means of gender equality and sexual violence prevention.  The members of the examination committee posted the reasons for the investigations yesterday, that two years ago, the Hsinbei Offices of Sanitation received an anonymous letter, and because it wasn’t related to the office, based off of the rules of the “executive proceedings”, it’d not handled the matter, the head of sanitation office Chen still gave it to the deputy of the sanitation offices, on the means of caring for the workers, the personnel started up the “employee assistance care protocols”, in the office, they’d talked with Lin, and it’d caused her to melt down, and, the local offices of sanitations admitted that the means were faulty, that this sort of an ambushing her to tell what had happened did NOT fit to the protocol of handling such matters.

The members of the examination department stated, that as the Hsinbei City Sanitations Department learned that Liao had raped Lin, but not followed the protocols of reporting based off of “criminal indictment laws”, that it’d severely damaged the reputations of the government, that it was, improper.

The members of the examination committee pointed out, that the case showed the structural difficulties of rape and molestation victims in a power struggle, the perp is the superior of the victim, and the abuser used one’s power, and/or opportunity, causing the victims hard to reject, severely impacted the rights of the victim’s will; the related units should set up a proper connection of these sorts of power status struggles, to ensure the rights of the lesser.

The Hsinbei Offices of Sanitations told that back then, the workers received the case that it was said to be of personal and romance, that in the means of protecting the workers, they’d started the care processes, and in the procedures, the woman disclosed that she was raped by the former employer, and as the office learned, it’d immediately started up the counseling and legal assistance for the woman, but, she’d still committed suicide, that it was, tragic.

And so, this just showed, how hard it is, for the victims of these sexual assaults to open up, they feel ostracized, and probably blamed themselves for allowing the rape to happen, and, because there’s not a proper counseling network set up to help, this woman committed suicide, which gave the city room for improvement on their means of handling such matters when it happens (and it will!) again!

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse of Power, Cost of Living, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, White Picket Fence

The Increase in Cases of Child & Adolescent Sexual Assault Cases, the Human Rights Foundation Started the Research of Visiting the Cases

In hopes, that somehow, this can, help reduce the number of cases!  This DDP government is still, WAY too ideal, but nowhere NEAR real, in this matter too, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

There’d been many cases of child sexual assault cases, the National Human Rights Committee announced the systematic data collection of the systems of reporting these things nationally, Chen who’s the head of the Examination Department, and a chairperson of this committee stated, that the prevalence of child and teen assault cases recurring again, that this is the first time the Human Rights Agency started up the national’s reporting systems, hoping to lower the number of these cases.  The member of the committee, Chang told, that the preventative interviews would be of five hundred individuals, and the results of this research will come out by July of next year.

Chen stated, that based off of the reported cases of 7,787 rape in 2021, there were 4,520 underage minors who were victims, about fifty-eight-percent, more than half; the reports on the children’s rights found, that in the sexual assault cases in schools back in 2020, those from elementary school to high school age got up to 233 cases.

Chen said, the Human Rights Committee needed to try and figure out why these severe cases of child, adolescent sexual assaults are happening repeatedly, hoping to borrow the Australian government’s investigative means, to do the researches into the placement facilities of minors, and the sexual assaults occurring in the schools.

She’d told, that setting up the cases individually won’t get the whole picture of the problem with the systems, that the committee would focus on listening to the experiences of the victims, to find out the structural problems of what’s causing these sexual assaults, rapes in the minors, and work together with the government units to prevent the recurrences of these tragedies.

The member of the examination committee, Tien called the victims of child sexual assaults as “survivors”, she’d stated, that it would be nothing easy, for these victims to come out, that Australia had set up the funding of seven hundred million N.T.s and seven hundred employees to help achieve this, that Taiwan does NOT have this sort of resources, everything is hard at the beginning, but this must get started.

Chang pointed out, that the interview will start on the school level, the rape victims of the placement facilities first, the victims of the sex trade, even if the individuals are over eighteen, so long as they were assaulted as minors, they are all going to get interviewed, that the program will recruit the interviewees, and is planning on interviewing a hundred survivors face-to-face.

Yeah, this is a plan, that will, totally, NOT work, because who the FUCK that’s been raped, molested, abused sexually would be willing to, tell her/his stories to the public, to get SHAMED again, to RELIVE those traumas?  Yeah, nobody, that’s who, besides, this sort of things are personal to those who’d weathered through it, and, for most of us, we just want to, put it all behind us, soon as we are through, dealing with the events of these, traumas of our, younger years, so yeah, this is still, too ideal, so, good luck, on getting enough “sample” for the “pool” there, DDP!

Leave a comment

Filed under Abandonment of Children, Basic Human Rights, Childhood, Children Murdered, Idiocy, Life, Overcoming Obstacles, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Rapes, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Reality Clashes with Dreams, Sexual Assaults, White Picket Fence

A Part of My Past, that I Just, Don’t Want to, Re-Visit…

“It’s just a part of my past that I just, don’t want to, re-visit again!”

And that was all she, wrote…

But, you can’t help but wonder, what had, happened to her when she was so young, that made her, shut away, all those, memories of old, and, being as young and innocent as you, you kept on, prodding, prodding, prodding her.

Until she had enough of you, badgering her nonstop, and finally, snapped!

what that looked like, for her…

illustration from online

And, you’d come to know, that there’s, that taboo on the past, that you are never supposed to, mention to her about, and, that taboo, it’d, tagged along, as you grow older…

A part of my past, that I just, don’t want to, revisit again, and yet, it kept on, visiting, revisiting me, when I close my eyes at night, I can’t even, ward them off (like evil???), every night as I lay myself down to sleep at night (prayed my soul the lord to keep, yada, yada, yada!), they always, come back, to haunt me.

A part of my past, that I just, don’t’ want to, revisit again, and, despite how I wanted to, leave those memories behind, they can’t stay suppressed forever, even as I’d, worked too hard, casting them out of my mind during the day, there’s no way, of warding them off at night, as they manifest themselves, and became those horrible things that frightened me in my dreams………

Leave a comment

Filed under Childhood, Coping Mechanisms, Life, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Suppressed Memories