Category Archives: the Finality of Life

Wanting to Grow Old with Children Accompanying

The trials someone faces toward the end of a loved one’s life, translated…

“We’d all wanted to hold our children’s hands, to watch them get older, but unfortunately, fate had other plans………” as Shu-Mei talked, she’d started, sobbing. She’d shared with the patients and the families, her own experiences, “Do we, or don’t we resuscitate?”, that is the final questions, that a lot of the terminally ill patients will face, it’s also, a heart wrenching memory for Shu-Mei, her husband had been gone sixteen years now, and yet, that intense heartache had, stayed.

Her husband was diagnosed with a rare condition when he was forty-six, he’d become bedridden for over a decade, and, couldn’t control anything, he’d already, become so discouraged, to the end, when he was on the respirators, he’d still had difficulties breathing, the doctor said, that only a tracheotomy can save his life, and, her husband wanted to die, and they’d, turned down the doctor’s offers, but, as their daughter came to see him with her five-month-old son, it’d, sparked his will to live again.

The doctor saw how he was hesitant, gave them three weeks to think about it, during which time, Shu-Mei lost a lot of weight, the whole family was living under this, dark cloud. If they’d decided to put him on a respirator, the patient will be living, off of the respirators; if they don’t, then, very shortly thereafter, he would die, he will, NEVER see her husband again. Shu-Mei was confused on what she should do, her husband asked her, “Do you want me to die?” She’d naturally not be willing to let him go, started crying, and became, silent, and respected whatever he’d, decided. It’s just, that during these years counting down toward death, he’d always worn his frowns, and, gotten stuck between life and death, don’t’ know if he’d, regretted it?

“Back then, the medication had yet to pass the coverage of the health insurance plans, it was very expensive, there were the expandable items of phlegm tubes, the diapers, the feeding tubes, the caretaker’s fees………”, Shu-Mei told me, even as her whole family started saving up, it wouldn’t be possible for them, to pay for his care, she’d needed to work days and nights, and his daughter part-time through school, and they’d needed monetary assistance from their families, friends, relatives every now and then too. For the years, the medical bills, she’d, stuffed them all inside a drawer, and after her husband passed, she’d started, sorting through them, and, the amount exceeded five million dollars, she could bought a house with the money saved up. “Although taking him off life support only took a total of fifteen minutes, but there’s, such a high price for it, and, as life continued, and the patient had, suffered, it’d also, put the loved ones under great duress.” Shu-Mei told me, the pain, got in too deep, into her heart, that it’d, slowly, suffocated her.

A woman in the support group, whose husband was ill, started, sobbing after she’d heard, she said that they’re currently, facing this difficult choice, especially that they didn’t have enough money saved up, and she worried that she’s not as strong as Shu-Mei had been. Another woman looked worried, that her husband just had an intubation, at the age of thirty-something, he’d, fallen very ill, her mother-in-law loved this youngest son the most, and couldn’t stand seeing him die, and even if her son can no longer call her mom, even if he’s kept alive by those machines, she was willing, to keep him alive. It’s just, that the wife found, that her husband, when his own mother wasn’t looking, he’d tried, to disconnect himself from life support, seeing how twisted and in pain her husband’s face became, she said, that there isn’t a day she hadn’t cried.

Shu-Mei patted her gently on the shoulders, and cried with her, “We all want to grow old with our children, having each other with, but, fate wouldn’t allow it”. If it’s already set, then, just live with it, everything shall pass eventually. Shu-Mei consoled with the woman in her support group.

This, is a hard issue to deal, to let go, or to keep hanging on, but, when the patient is suffering so much, it’s only the right thing to do, to unplug her/him off life support, but, a part of you just, wasn’t willing, to let someone you love die, and so, you have to, struggle hard over the matter, and, eventually, you will, realize, that letting the person you loved dearly die is the best choice, because, keeping the person alive, means prolonging their sufferings, and, nobody wants to see their loved ones suffer toward the end.

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Filed under Life, Loss, Memories Shared, Moral Responsibilities, Properties of Life, Right to Die, the Finality of Life

Wanting to Grow Old with Children Accompanying

The trials someone faces toward the end of a loved one’s life, translated…

“We’d all wanted to hold our children’s hands, to watch them get older, but unfortunately, fate had other plans………” as Shu-Mei talked, she’d started, sobbing. She’d shared with the patients and the families, her own experiences, “Do we, or don’t we resuscitate?”, that is the final questions, that a lot of the terminally ill patients will face, it’s also, a heart wrenching memory for Shu-Mei, her husband had been gone sixteen years now, and yet, that intense heartache had, stayed.

Her husband was diagnosed with a rare condition when he was forty-six, he’d become bedridden for over a decade, and, couldn’t control anything, he’d already, become so discouraged, to the end, when he was on the respirators, he’d still had difficulties breathing, the doctor said, that only a tracheotomy can save his life, and, her husband wanted to die, and they’d, turned down the doctor’s offers, but, as their daughter came to see him with her five-month-old son, it’d, sparked his will to live again.

The doctor saw how he was hesitant, gave them three weeks to think about it, during which time, Shu-Mei lost a lot of weight, the whole family was living under this, dark cloud. If they’d decided to put him on a respirator, the patient will be living, off of the respirators; if they don’t, then, very shortly thereafter, he would die, he will, NEVER see her husband again. Shu-Mei was confused on what she should do, her husband asked her, “Do you want me to die?” She’d naturally not be willing to let him go, started crying, and became, silent, and respected whatever he’d, decided. It’s just, that during these years counting down toward death, he’d always worn his frowns, and, gotten stuck between life and death, don’t’ know if he’d, regretted it?

圖/豆寶illustration from the papers…

“Back then, the medication had yet to pass the coverage of the health insurance plans, it was very expensive, there were the expandable items of phlegm tubes, the diapers, the feeding tubes, the caretaker’s fees………”, Shu-Mei told me, even as her whole family started saving up, it wouldn’t be possible for them, to pay for his care, she’d needed to work days and nights, and his daughter part-time through school, and they’d needed monetary assistance from their families, friends, relatives every now and then too. For the years, the medical bills, she’d, stuffed them all inside a drawer, and after her husband passed, she’d started, sorting through them, and, the amount exceeded five million dollars, she could bought a house with the money saved up. “Although taking him off life support only took a total of fifteen minutes, but there’s, such a high price for it, and, as life continued, and the patient had, suffered, it’d also, put the loved ones under great duress.” Shu-Mei told me, the pain, got in too deep, into her heart, that it’d, slowly, suffocated her.

A woman in the support group, whose husband was ill, started, sobbing after she’d heard, she said that they’re currently, facing this difficult choice, especially that they didn’t have enough money saved up, and she worried that she’s not as strong as Shu-Mei had been. Another woman looked worried, that her husband just had an intubation, at the age of thirty-something, he’d, fallen very ill, her mother-in-law loved this youngest son the most, and couldn’t stand seeing him die, and even if her son can no longer call her mom, even if he’s kept alive by those machines, she was willing, to keep him alive. It’s just, that the wife found, that her husband, when his own mother wasn’t looking, he’d tried, to disconnect himself from life support, seeing how twisted and in pain her husband’s face became, she said, that there isn’t a day she hadn’t cried.

Shu-Mei patted her gently on the shoulders, and cried with her, “We all want to grow old with our children, having each other with, but, fate wouldn’t allow it”. If it’s already set, then, just live with it, everything shall pass eventually. Shu-Mei consoled with the woman in her support group.

This, is a hard issue to deal, to let go, or to keep hanging on, but, when the patient is suffering so much, it’s only the right thing to do, to unplug her/him off life support, but, a part of you just, wasn’t willing, to let someone you love die, and so, you have to, struggle hard over the matter, and, eventually, you will, realize, that letting the person you loved dearly die is the best choice, because, keeping the person alive, means prolonging their sufferings, and, nobody wants to see their loved ones suffer toward the end.

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Filed under Choices, Do-Not-Resuscitate, Life, Properties of Life, Right to Die, the Finality of Life

Lives We Can’t Save…

There are, just, too many lives that we can’t save, we only have, two hands, and, looking out, there are, so many who are, hollering out for help, and, it’s just, IMPOSSIBLE, to get to all of them in time.

Lives we can’t save, what do we do with them?  They’re still alive for each of us, even AFTER they all died.  We are, forever, plagued, by the what could’ve beens and if…only’s…

…not my photograph.

Lives we can’t save, there’s, NOTHING we can do about them, they’re all, already dead AND gone, all we can do, is, stop focusing on the losses, and, focus more on what we’d done right.  But, it’s hard sometimes, ‘cuz, that life that’s lost, with you close by, had, imprinted itself, etched, onto your soul.

Lives we can’t save, no matter how hard we think, we can’t, go back to the past, and remake the choices we’d already made differently, to change the outcomes………

rescuers in the aftermath of an earthquake in Nepal, photo from online…

Those lives that we can’t save, are we going to, allow them, to imprint deeply, onto our guilty consciences, or, are we going to, turn cold, and, think to ourselves: it’s just the way things are, there’s no way of changing that now.

 

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Filed under Lives Lost, On Death & Dying, the Finality of Life

An Elderly Man in His Eighties Leapt the Building and Committed Suicide…His Final Note Was Taped to His Hands

Some bad news here, from the Newspapers, translated…

The eighty-one year-old elderly got tired of being ill for a very long time, early yesterday morning at around five, he’d climbed to the roof of his twelve-story building, took the leap downward, and died, the body was discovered, with a note, taped to the left hand, the families confirmed, that it was, in the elderly’s own handwriting, and, they have NO opinions of the police, ruling it as a suicide.

The police stated, that most who’d committed suicide would leave the last note where they’d leapt, or inside one’s own home, there would be rare incidents where the suicide notes were taped to the person who’d committed suicide, suspected, that Lin may fear, that after he was gone, nobody could find his final note, that, was why he’d taped it to himself, but, this action had made the police feel, that the cause of his death wasn’t so clear cut.

The police investigated, that the elderly and his three daughters and a son all lived in the same community in Sanchong District, but they all had apartment complexes, the elderly lived with a foreign bedside assistant; the family said, that the elderly had been diagnosed with multiple illnesses, Parkinson’s, bloating in his lungs, couldn’t control his bowel movements and bladder, before he’d died, he’d complained to them on how he’d wanted to die.

Yesterday at around five in the morn, the elderly man took advantage of the time when his bedside assistant was fast asleep, climbed to the roof of his twelve floor building, took the leap downward, as the neighbors heard the loud sound, at first, they thought that it was a gas explosion, and called the police to report it as a gas explosion, as the police came to the scene, they’d found the elderly man, lying in a pool of blood, with multiple fractures, and because the impact of him, hitting the ground was very hard, his right arm was severed from his torso, he was, clearly, dead.

In his suicide note, the elderly mentioned of how he’d been diagnosed with multiple serious condition, that he’s elderly, and didn’t want to be troublesome to his families; after the family members read the note, confirmed that it was in his handwriting, and didn’t have any rebuttal toward the police, ruling the man’s death as a suicide.

This, is what old age will look like, because you’re ill, and, you feel, that life isn’t worth anything anymore, so, you’d committed suicide, and maybe, being sick can get you in an awful mood, and, being elderly makes you think, that there’s not that much keeping you here, but, what about your children?  Or those who cared about, and loved you?

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Issues of the Society, Mental Health Issues, Old Age, Suicides, the Finality of Life, The Right to Choose How One Will Die

What If, Nobody Misses Me When I’m Gone???

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  Then, I will be, forgotten, by the rest, of this great, and big ol’ world!

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  I want someone to miss me, even IF, it’s just that one single solitary person on earth, to know, that I mattered…

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  And, what IF, nobody says ANYTHING nice about me as a person when I was still alive, for my eulogy?  Because all I cared about, was ME!  What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  I don’t want to be, brushed to the back of people’s head, I don’t want to get left behind, like some unimportant memory.

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  What’ll become OF me?  I must do something, to MAKE sure, that people WILL remember me, but what?  What, can I do, to MAKE sure that I’m remembered???  I can either do something really good, or really bad, so, which one will I choose to do???

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Filed under Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Expectations, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Losing Sight of What's Important, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, the Finality of Life

Spoiling My Demented Mother, So What IF I Needed to Treat Her Like a Child from Time to Time

So here, we’re treating our demented elderly parents like our children? Would that work? I wonder, translated…

Both my parents resided in the southern regions, but my father feared that we may worry, and kept the fact, that my mother started showing signs of dementia from us, for instance, she’d forgotten to cook when the skies turned dark, or how she’d buy the same items of clothing over and over again, how she didn’t know how to pay for her meals at the breakfast shops, how she’d neglected to pay attention to how messy the house became. It wasn’t until my mother strayed from the group when they’d gone on tour at 101, did the family decide, to ask my younger sister, who runs a afterschool care program for kids.

But, from the mentioning of my younger sister, as my mother saw the kids misbehaved, she’d scolded them harshly, making them cry; my mother loved sweets, and would drink the juice boxes that belonged to the students; without watching her closely, she’d wandered out of the front gates of the school, and, they’d have to send our search parties for her.

In order to alleviate the stresses of my younger sister, caring for our mother, I’d picked my mother up during the summer and winter vacations. At first, toward my mother’s inquiries and blames, I’d automatically reply to her, using my teaching methods. For instance, my mother often forgot to eat, and, in the midnight hours, she’d said she was hungry. I’d tried very hard, to convince her, that she already ate, but she’d scolded me, “Are you trying to starve me to death?” Afterwards, I’d thought about it, make her a cup of milk, problem solved!

After just a few short days, staying with me, my mother hollered about how she wanted to go home, and stared out the windows a lot. Missing home, she’d missed the paper flower, that was planted outside her front door, it’s just, that she will never, find her way back, to the home she was familiar with again.

Because of my mother’s dementia, she’d forgotten about the miseries of her life previously, I’d wondered often, if I could have this last parts of her life to do over again, I would’ve certainly, gone from the angles of her needs, to love her, to allow her to have things her way, so she, who loves looking pretty, can have a happier life.

But, you can’t, and this, is all, regrets talking, but hey, it wasn’t your fault, because, NO demented elderly person comes with a “manual”, and, each situation is different, meaning that the signs in one demented elderly, may not apply to the behaviors of another, and so, we still must, live with what we’d done, or didn’t do, and move on…

 

 

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Filed under Because of Love, Being Exposed, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Expectations, Family Matters, Hindsight, Letting Go, Life, Mental Health Issues, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Wake Up Calls

Dragged On, by This Ailing Body of Mine…

This would be, taking, someone ELSE’s persona…

Dragged on, by this ailing body of mine, I feel, so incarcerated, so trapped, inside, this body that no longer feels like mine anymore, and yet, because I can still “function” (meaning that I still got a pulse, a VERY STRONG one to boot!!!), the doctors, they wouldn’t, consider, letting me die a good death.

And, recently, I’d had yet, ANOTHER stroke, that rendered me, handicapped, and, I’d started, needing the help, to wheel me everywhere,, and, I’m still trapped, by this ailing body of mine.  Dragged on, by this ailing body of mine, why, oh why, can’t I just die?  I’d been made to suffer, since the moment that my dearly beloved family told the doctors to SAVE me, but, at the price and the cost, of losing MY dignity as a human being, because I’m totally, incapable of performing the MOST basic of all functions in life, like I’d needed someone ELSE, to WIPE my ass for me, someone, to bathe me too!

Dragged on, by this ailing body of mine, why must I be?  I’m just, too tired of, relying on EVERYBODY to take care of me, I don’t want to live like this anymore, and yet, I can’t, be euthanized yet, because, save for this problem of immobility and loss of speech, caused by my stroke awhile ago, every OTHER part of me, is still, quite healthy still………

 

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Filed under Basic Human Rights, Choices, Downward Spiral, Euthanasia, Expectations, Issues of the Society, Letting Go, Life, My Thoughts on Various Issues, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life, Right to Die, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Story-Telling, the Finality of Life