Category Archives: the Finality of Life

Secrets & Rebirth

When death occurred, so very, suddenly, we couldn’t, adapt, but, eventually, as time passes we’d, learned that it’s the love we felt for those whom we lost that will, forever, stay, translated…

My in-laws live out in the countryside, still very agile, and healthy.  Every now and then, we’d gone home to visit them, the two would start complaining about each other, and everybody was laughing and enjoying ourselves, not known, that bad luck was, already, at our, doors.

On an August morning four years ago, my father-in-law lay slanted on the floor, passed out into a coma.  We’d rushed him to the hospital, where we were told, that he had a hemorrhage in his brain stem, he’d fallen into comatose after the surgery, was in, a vegetative, state.  In the hospital, my mother-in-law kept telling me, “Your dad always called me weaker, that he would let me die before him, how can he do this now?”, not wearing enough clothes, she was pale, but, without any tears, and stated to us, “if you are going to set up the funeral for your father, don’t waste time nor energy, just do it like the elderly neighbor woman.”

Destiny is this, when it comes, you can’t, stop it.

On that very afternoon, as my father-in-law was taken to surgery, I’d given my mother-in-law a lift home to rest a bit, the families called us, told that my father-in-law’s surgery went well, that they got the hematomas out, the two of us, embraced and started crying, we’d thought, that the skies are, turning light.  And yet, not long thereafter, my mother-in-law complained that her heart was beating too fast, that she was, feeling, ill, and the ambulance came over, again.

the new life after their elders are, gone…

photo from online

In the E.R., this time, it was, my mother-in-law who’d gone into, a comatose.

The doctor on duty told that it might be the Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, caused by enormous emotional distress of sudden onset, causing the heart to not be able to cope.  A week later, my mother-in-law had an embolism in her brains, and we’d decided, to have her, unplugged then.

My father-in-law kept his promise, stayed alone on this earth, to withstand the tortures of his body, he’d become, slimmed down very quickly, and a year later, he’d, finished all of his, missions on, earth.

That old house dimmed down, faced the sunset, all alone now.  We live in the city, and rarely made it back, didn’t want to, get reminded of, all of, this.  Until the start of the pandemic, in stage-three alert, we had, no other places we can go, and finally, we’d, returned back to their, old, stay.

Cobwebs, geckos, the cracks on the walls, the dust, the leaks……….from that day four years ago, there were, the traces of that day that remained, we’d, started, cleaning up, and, a lot of the, secrets, they’d, begun, surfacing, back up.

At the bottommost layer of that old camphor cabinet, we’d found the saving books and the stamps stashed there under the few bowls; the camphor beams on the roof, there were, the gold necklace my in-laws saved for their granddaughter as dowry; in the notebook there was, the ledger of how much they’d spent by the days, they’d only spent $5,000N.T.s on groceries, there were the diaries my mother-in-law kept during my father-in-law’s service terms, when they were, separated, with how much she’d missed him…………..

Those who’d, suddenly departed, couldn’t say goodbye in time, using this means, to leave traces of them selves behind, so those who’d survived, can, slowly, heal, using their own ways.

Last winter, we’d started setting up the racks out in the garden to plant a loofa; started in October, the bright yellow flower of the squash started, fighting to get our, attention, the fruits were, grown in by the huge numbers now.  The yellow and green colored country scene, the new life began, in the, old-style mansion home.

And so, life still goes, on, even after those whom we loved and cared about are, gone, and, after the griefs all you will remember about those whom you’d loved and lost, are the, better memories all of you had made, and share.

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Filed under Fate, Life, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Values

Crossing the River Styx

There was, a huge group of “us”, who’d been lost, up there, and now, we’d, followed this, long, long line, one leading before the other, journeyed down into, the underground.

I’d not noted this, but, those “souls” whom I’d originally, set out with, are all, gone, as my companions.  And now, I’m about to, travel across, this, final threshold…

Crossing the River Styx, as soon as my feet touched the waters, I’d, gotten that thrilling feel, suddenly, the air was, no longer inside my lungs, and I’d, fought, really hard, to keep this, final breath within my lungs (forgot that I was already, D-E-A-D???).

look on the bright side, at least, THIS guy’s going to be with me, for a, little, bit…

illustration from online

Crossing the River Styx, I know what’s, on the other side (heaven, or hell???), at LEAST, it’s not this state of, LIMBO, so it’s, a lot, better…but, soon as my feet touched the water, I got that feeling of death, entering into me, and, it’d, thrilled me: I’m not ready to die yet, I don’t belong here!!!

Crossing the River Styx, just one more step, and I’ll be, underground, but I can’t, I just, can’t, let go, of this, final breath, because I’m scared (of what???)………

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Filed under On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Values

A Ghost that’s, Led Me, Home…

A Ghost that’s, led me, home, no, I’m not, kidding, I’d, followed Casper, and, he got, a little too, “friendly” for my liking there, home…

A ghost that’s, led me, home, never thought, that it would be the way, it, went.  A ghost that’s, led me, home, and now, I’m, falling asleep, in this, cemetery of, dreams that I found me in.

A ghost that’s, led me, home, that is, how it sometimes go, isn’t it?  I mean, we followed this road, not knowing where it might, lead, and surely, we became, scared, as the road continued to wind, twist and turn ahead.

following that road that leads us, home…photo from online

A ghost  that’s, led me, home, that, is how it goes, and I will, keep on, following you, my little ghost, home, and, when I’m finally done with time here, then, we will, finally, become those, ghosts that’s been, led, home, and turn into, ghosts, that lead, others, home too…

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Filed under Letting Go, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, the Finality of Life

Do I Let You Go, or Do I, Not???

Seeing you, growing weaker, weaker, becoming, less and less, than what (instead of a who now???) you were from before, I’d caught between letting you go and making you stay.

Do I let you go, or do I, not???  And, I gotta say, it makes me feel powerful (muah-haha, my EVIL laugh!), to have your lives in my hands.  But, do I let you go, or do I, not???  I mean, I can, just, pull that tube off of your oxygen mask, and put you out, of both our, miseries, but I really don’t want to get charged with, murder, but, that means, that you would have to, keep on, living with that, dying breath of yours, not yet, “expired”.

and that would be what that, looked, like…photo from online

So, what do I do, huh???

Do I let you go, or do I not???  It’s really, not up to me here, ‘cuz I am NOT G-O-D, nor would I, want to be, I’m just, an “innocent bystander” (am I now???) to your life, watching all of this, circle ‘round, flashing by, in a, huge, B-L-U-R…

Do I let you go, or do I, not???  Can I get back to you on that, I’m still, thinking about the “right” answer here, ‘cuz I wouldn’t want that SOLID F on my “grade report”.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Awareness, Euthanasia, Life, Observations, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Right to Die, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, the Finality of Life, The Observer Effect, White Picket Fence

Using the Article of an Old Friend to Remember Him, Who’d Been, Gone

Ways to keep those whom we loved and lost with us, at all, times…the way this individual commemorate her/his friend who’d passed on, translated…

After a friend passes away, what means would you use, to, remember her/him?

Before my friend died from his illness, he’d, already, exhausted all the treatment options, the doctor suggested that he check into the hospice, to help him go through this final passage of his life.  The day before he passed on, he’d texted me while he’s still lucid, “I’m not crying wolf this time, this time it’s for real!”, I’d felt unwilling, and asked, “Are you afraid?”, he’d responded without any hesitations, “no!”, I’m thinking that it was heaven who’d given him that extra a year and a half to prepare himself, so during the time when he was diagnosed to this, final passage, I’d felt, that he’d, accepted his own, fate.

I was like a companion who saw him off on a ride, stood by the platforms with the steam engines running, watching that train about to depart, giving off the steams.  And, just as it’d happened, the conductor finally called aloud using that whistle, told all the travelers, to, get, onboard.  His final message was, “The time is here, do take care, god speed!”, I’d read these words of his right before I got o work, not greeted him like I usually had, “You still alive?”.  And although, I’d gotten used to his not writing me back, it’d still, worried me a little bit.

in memoriam of…

photo from online

Before I head home, a friend told me sorrowfully, that he’d already, gone on that ride.  I got home at night, sat at my desk, sorting through my own, emotions.

He’d submitted the articles regularly, I’d used his pseudonym, found the article’s he’d written online, read the passages of how tried he’d been eight years ago raising his children up, also read up on how his mindset altered as he got diagnosed……and it was like I was holding that conversation again with him then.

Ever since, I’d always looked forward to the half an hour on Friday before I got off work, as I’d started using that thirty minutes, make a cup of coffee for myself, then, head online, to find an article written by him, like he was still in the office, chatting with me, right before we were to, clock out, quietly, I’d, heard him share the goings on of his life, to review over the connection we once shared.

The world does not stop turning as someone we know dies, but, we are able, to use our own ways, to make sure those who cared about who’d passed, are still with us every day of our lives.  And, every week, the half an hour I have with my friend on Friday, always brought the surprises to me, not knowing which article of his I was going to read up on, would I smile, or, sigh.  No matter, this thirty minutes before I clock out from work, is that setting sun, full of the warmth of the radiant colors of sunset.

And so, this is how we can, keep someone whom we cared a whole lot about, after s/he is gone in our lives, by finding ways to remember them, the things that reminded us of those whom we cared about who are, already, gone, to keep those we loved and cared about a whole lot still with us, even after they’re, gone.

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Filed under Connections, Lessons, Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

He’d Wheeled His Mother Who’d Died to the Park to Dispose of Her Body, Didn’t Get Caught Until a Year Later

He should’ve known better, after all, it was, her mother, who’d, passed, and yet, instead of giving her a proper burial or have her cremated, he’d, left her body at a children’s playground…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Lee in Taichung found his eighty-five-year-old mother dead at home, didn’t call it in, instead, in the depth of the nights, he’d wheeled her out on her wheelchair to a children’s playground a kilometer away to dispose of her body, left her corpse on the slides, then left, the police caught Lee a week later, but because he wasn’t caught in the act, they’d not taken him into custody, and Lee ran, and got an arrest warrant on him, he’d not gotten caught until recently, the district attorney’s office charged him on disposing of his mother’s body illegally.

The investigators found, Lee (age 55) originally lived with his own mother, on the evening of March 22nd of last year, Lee found his mother dead of illness at home, he’d not called up the paramedics, nor the police, instead, he’d used the wheelchair left by his landlord on the first floor, then, put his mother’s body on it, wheeled her out.

At around eleven late in the evening, he’d wheeled her body to a children’s playground locally, Lee left the body on the slides, then, left, the following morn, as the locals were exercising, they’d found the elderly woman leaning against the slide, with her head hung, not moving, they’d gotten close to check, and found that she was dead, the locals were thrilled, they’d notified the police.

The police arrived at the playground, because the elderly woman had no identification on her, they’d treated her as a jane doe first, and, after the coroner’s autopsy, they’d found that she didn’t have any external injuries, and there wasn’t any toxins in her blood, the police sorted through the surveillance footages, and found that it was Lee who’d, dumped the elderly woman’s, body, Lee was called in.

Lee claimed at first, that he was wheeling his mother out for a walk, back then, his mother was still breathing, then he’d changed his statement to how she’d died at home, and not known what he was to do, that was why he’d, wheeled his mother to the park, he wasn’t consistent in his statements.

The police called up the family to the morgue to identify the body, the elderly woman’s other sons positively confirmed it was her, but Lee didn’t show, he’d lost contact, the police went to his home, his rental place to find him, but they weren’t able to, and there was an active warrant for his arrest signed by the D.A.’s office.

Lee was out on the run for close to a whole year, and it wasn’t until recently, did he, finally, get caught by the police, and the D.A.’s office asked the courts to mandate him into police custody, which the courts signed off on, the coroner’s believed, that the elderly was dead before she was disposed of by her own son, that he’d not leave her to die in the park.

Yeah, that made it, a whole lot, better, right?  I mean, at least this LOSESR did NOT leave his own elderly mother to D-I-E, in the park.  This just showed, how easy you can, dispose of a body, and yet, in the end, you still, get, caught.

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Filed under Bad Behaviors, Improper Misconducts, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Messed Up Values, On Death & Dying, On the Wrong Side of the Law, the Finality of Life, White Picket Fence

The LAST Ride, Before, You Were, Gone…for, Good

The LAST ride, before, you were, gone…for, good, you took me on, and I was, a bit, scared, as the speed you were, riding me, was way too high, it’d felt like I was, flying, and it’d, scared me, but, I loved you, so, I’d, gone along…

The LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good, didn’t know, that that, was the very LAST time I’ll, ever, see you, alive, I was, way too, young, inexperienced of the world, until, until, you took me on that, LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good.  Then, all of a sudden, I’d become, an adult, with her childhood, left, behind!

That LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good, thought that you will always, watch over me, and I guess, that in a sense, you still are, watching, over me, just, not in this world that I’m currently, left, behind in is all.

what that, looked, like! Photo from online

So many things I’d wanted to say to you…well, there’s, nothing I can think of, to say to you, after all, you are, a stranger to me, through my early childhood days (and even IF you’d been present, I wouldn’t, remember it!), my adolescent, you’d, come in and out, made the, occasional, visit, here, and there, then, my adulthood, we’d, reconnected, sorta, but, you’re still, a stranger to me, the more I’d, found out about you, and now, you’re, gone, for good!

I keep on, replaying that LAST ride, before you were gone, for good, and, I thought I had more time with you, but in the end, time was, a liar, it’d, stolen everything from our, lives………

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Family Dynamics, Growing Up Too Fast, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Things Left Behind, Wake Up Calls

My Father’s Watch

The values that’s, assigned to your father’s, favorite, watch, based off of how he’d, lived his, life, that you now, carried forth…translated…

My father was almost, completely, blind before he passed, and that’s why he’d, placed his cherished pocket watch into the drawers, and never took it back out again.  I remembered this watch very clearly, when I was young, when my father came home, he would, carefully, take the watch off his wrist, then, wash his hands thoroughly, then, put the watch back on.  Sometimes, the watch had, slipped into the sink, and the surfaces scratched up, and he’d, felt really bad over it.

On this day, my mother found his watch.  It was, in the original box with the warranty papers, like how he’d taught me to write, each stroke is perfectly written, easy to read.  As my mother sent me the photo of his watch, I’d smiled, that was, his style all right, even as he’d become, visually, impaired toward the end, he still, kept his collected items, very neat.

an heirloom, like this!

photo from online

My father’s watch was very unique, as when I was still wearing the electronic watches, I’d watched that watch of his, with the second hand keep on ticking away, not at all resembling the sound of the second hand on the clocks; and, although he’d not worn it long, as I’d, shaken the watch a bit, the second hand started, going around again, just like him, he’d been gone a very long time, but whenever I’d recalled him, saw his belongings, he’d, surfaced, back up into my mind again.

I’d decided to take my father’s watch to the U.S. with me, and wear it often like the ad of the watch: Generations to Generations, passing it on, like an heirloom of, sorts.

Those who put this watch on, will keep on, walking on, they will keep on, working hard, dressing well enough, doing the things delegated to them, correctly.

So, it’s the values you’d, associated with this watch of your father’s, that you took, not just the watch, as the mementos of what he’d, left behind for you, and, it’s interesting, how things have that value assigned to them, that gets, passed from one generation to the next.

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Filed under Family Matters, Life, Memories Shared, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Things Left Behind, Values

The Tears for, Ukraine

The Tears for, Ukraine

Fell from the Heavens Above

Drip, Drip, Drip

As They’d Fallen Out of Heaven

They’d Turned Red

Seeped into the Soils

Dyeing the Earth to Crimson

The Tears for, Ukraine

looking up to heaven…photo from online

It’d Fallen For, More than Six Months Now

Yet it’d Felt Like, It’d Been Going on for an Eternity Already

When oh When, Will God See, and Put an End to the Deaths?

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Filed under Abuse, Abuse of Power, Interactions Shared with the World, Life, Poetry, Right to Life, the Finality of Life, Tragedies in the World, White Picket Fence

Leaving the Good Financial Sense for the Children is Better than the Inheritances

The absolute necessity of a living will, so nobody can fight over what we leave behind after we’re, dead, and gone!  Translated…

My parents never told us, just how much assets are in their, possessions, but we’d, never cared too much over it.  Awhile ago, mom considered her own conditions, started forgetting things, and decided to tell us the financial situations.  My parents are genuine, honest people, didn’t make much, didn’t save much, I’d not cared about how much they would be leaving for us, but, I’d hoped, that they could use all the money they’d saved up, to live out the rest of their lives, with ease.

The most ideal would be, spending all the money we make up completely, at the moment we swallowed our, final, breaths.  I deeply believe, that passing the good financial senses is way more important, than leaving a summed, inheritances for them.  I’m really blessed, for having parents who knew the values of saving up, using when they needed, saving as they saw fitting.  Every month, they’d deposited a sum from their pays first, then, use the leftover sums as daily spending, that way, they wouldn’t spend all they made before the month was up, and had more to do the good deeds via donations and such.

like this!

found online

Actually, even if we didn’t tell our children how much was in our savings before we died, the inherited can always check through the tax office, it’s quite convenient, and, the living will will, prevent that if there are, conflicts, then, it can’t be, contested, because the living will was already written, signed, and, dated.  My parents passed to us, the values of honesty, they’d only verbally told us that we should, split everything up among us evenly.  And, all of us daughters, kept to our work posts, although we didn’t strike it rich, but we’d never felt, that our parents’ savings would be, ours.  And every time I saw the siblings fighting over the inheritance, I’d thought it was, quite abnormal.

And, if you have inheritance, you can decide if to save it and give it to your own children.  Or maybe, you should, consider donating it to charity, that way, it wouldn’t give the unfitting offspring a chance, to fight over it.

And so, this is on the matter of what we should do with our assets when we’re gone, and, the best way is to set up that living will, and get a notary public, and however many witnesses the laws required to be there, to sign for the papers, that way, that living will will then be validated, and, if your children fight over what you leave behind, then, the living will will be there, and they can’t contest it, because you’d, drafted it, and had a notary public to sign for you, and the witnesses too.

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Filed under On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Things Left Behind, Values