Category Archives: the Finality of Life

Lives We Can’t Save…

There are, just, too many lives that we can’t save, we only have, two hands, and, looking out, there are, so many who are, hollering out for help, and, it’s just, IMPOSSIBLE, to get to all of them in time.

Lives we can’t save, what do we do with them?  They’re still alive for each of us, even AFTER they all died.  We are, forever, plagued, by the what could’ve beens and if…only’s…

…not my photograph.

Lives we can’t save, there’s, NOTHING we can do about them, they’re all, already dead AND gone, all we can do, is, stop focusing on the losses, and, focus more on what we’d done right.  But, it’s hard sometimes, ‘cuz, that life that’s lost, with you close by, had, imprinted itself, etched, onto your soul.

Lives we can’t save, no matter how hard we think, we can’t, go back to the past, and remake the choices we’d already made differently, to change the outcomes………

rescuers in the aftermath of an earthquake in Nepal, photo from online…

Those lives that we can’t save, are we going to, allow them, to imprint deeply, onto our guilty consciences, or, are we going to, turn cold, and, think to ourselves: it’s just the way things are, there’s no way of changing that now.




Filed under Lives Lost, On Death & Dying, the Finality of Life

An Elderly Man in His Eighties Leapt the Building and Committed Suicide…His Final Note Was Taped to His Hands

Some bad news here, from the Newspapers, translated…

The eighty-one year-old elderly got tired of being ill for a very long time, early yesterday morning at around five, he’d climbed to the roof of his twelve-story building, took the leap downward, and died, the body was discovered, with a note, taped to the left hand, the families confirmed, that it was, in the elderly’s own handwriting, and, they have NO opinions of the police, ruling it as a suicide.

The police stated, that most who’d committed suicide would leave the last note where they’d leapt, or inside one’s own home, there would be rare incidents where the suicide notes were taped to the person who’d committed suicide, suspected, that Lin may fear, that after he was gone, nobody could find his final note, that, was why he’d taped it to himself, but, this action had made the police feel, that the cause of his death wasn’t so clear cut.

The police investigated, that the elderly and his three daughters and a son all lived in the same community in Sanchong District, but they all had apartment complexes, the elderly lived with a foreign bedside assistant; the family said, that the elderly had been diagnosed with multiple illnesses, Parkinson’s, bloating in his lungs, couldn’t control his bowel movements and bladder, before he’d died, he’d complained to them on how he’d wanted to die.

Yesterday at around five in the morn, the elderly man took advantage of the time when his bedside assistant was fast asleep, climbed to the roof of his twelve floor building, took the leap downward, as the neighbors heard the loud sound, at first, they thought that it was a gas explosion, and called the police to report it as a gas explosion, as the police came to the scene, they’d found the elderly man, lying in a pool of blood, with multiple fractures, and because the impact of him, hitting the ground was very hard, his right arm was severed from his torso, he was, clearly, dead.

In his suicide note, the elderly mentioned of how he’d been diagnosed with multiple serious condition, that he’s elderly, and didn’t want to be troublesome to his families; after the family members read the note, confirmed that it was in his handwriting, and didn’t have any rebuttal toward the police, ruling the man’s death as a suicide.

This, is what old age will look like, because you’re ill, and, you feel, that life isn’t worth anything anymore, so, you’d committed suicide, and maybe, being sick can get you in an awful mood, and, being elderly makes you think, that there’s not that much keeping you here, but, what about your children?  Or those who cared about, and loved you?

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Issues of the Society, Mental Health Issues, Old Age, Suicides, the Finality of Life, The Right to Choose How One Will Die

What If, Nobody Misses Me When I’m Gone???

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  Then, I will be, forgotten, by the rest, of this great, and big ol’ world!

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  I want someone to miss me, even IF, it’s just that one single solitary person on earth, to know, that I mattered…

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  And, what IF, nobody says ANYTHING nice about me as a person when I was still alive, for my eulogy?  Because all I cared about, was ME!  What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  I don’t want to be, brushed to the back of people’s head, I don’t want to get left behind, like some unimportant memory.

What if, nobody misses me when I’m gone???  What’ll become OF me?  I must do something, to MAKE sure, that people WILL remember me, but what?  What, can I do, to MAKE sure that I’m remembered???  I can either do something really good, or really bad, so, which one will I choose to do???

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Filed under Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Expectations, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Losing Sight of What's Important, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, the Finality of Life

Spoiling My Demented Mother, So What IF I Needed to Treat Her Like a Child from Time to Time

So here, we’re treating our demented elderly parents like our children? Would that work? I wonder, translated…

Both my parents resided in the southern regions, but my father feared that we may worry, and kept the fact, that my mother started showing signs of dementia from us, for instance, she’d forgotten to cook when the skies turned dark, or how she’d buy the same items of clothing over and over again, how she didn’t know how to pay for her meals at the breakfast shops, how she’d neglected to pay attention to how messy the house became. It wasn’t until my mother strayed from the group when they’d gone on tour at 101, did the family decide, to ask my younger sister, who runs a afterschool care program for kids.

But, from the mentioning of my younger sister, as my mother saw the kids misbehaved, she’d scolded them harshly, making them cry; my mother loved sweets, and would drink the juice boxes that belonged to the students; without watching her closely, she’d wandered out of the front gates of the school, and, they’d have to send our search parties for her.

In order to alleviate the stresses of my younger sister, caring for our mother, I’d picked my mother up during the summer and winter vacations. At first, toward my mother’s inquiries and blames, I’d automatically reply to her, using my teaching methods. For instance, my mother often forgot to eat, and, in the midnight hours, she’d said she was hungry. I’d tried very hard, to convince her, that she already ate, but she’d scolded me, “Are you trying to starve me to death?” Afterwards, I’d thought about it, make her a cup of milk, problem solved!

After just a few short days, staying with me, my mother hollered about how she wanted to go home, and stared out the windows a lot. Missing home, she’d missed the paper flower, that was planted outside her front door, it’s just, that she will never, find her way back, to the home she was familiar with again.

Because of my mother’s dementia, she’d forgotten about the miseries of her life previously, I’d wondered often, if I could have this last parts of her life to do over again, I would’ve certainly, gone from the angles of her needs, to love her, to allow her to have things her way, so she, who loves looking pretty, can have a happier life.

But, you can’t, and this, is all, regrets talking, but hey, it wasn’t your fault, because, NO demented elderly person comes with a “manual”, and, each situation is different, meaning that the signs in one demented elderly, may not apply to the behaviors of another, and so, we still must, live with what we’d done, or didn’t do, and move on…



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Filed under Because of Love, Being Exposed, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Expectations, Family Matters, Hindsight, Letting Go, Life, Mental Health Issues, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Wake Up Calls

Dragged On, by This Ailing Body of Mine…

This would be, taking, someone ELSE’s persona…

Dragged on, by this ailing body of mine, I feel, so incarcerated, so trapped, inside, this body that no longer feels like mine anymore, and yet, because I can still “function” (meaning that I still got a pulse, a VERY STRONG one to boot!!!), the doctors, they wouldn’t, consider, letting me die a good death.

And, recently, I’d had yet, ANOTHER stroke, that rendered me, handicapped, and, I’d started, needing the help, to wheel me everywhere,, and, I’m still trapped, by this ailing body of mine.  Dragged on, by this ailing body of mine, why, oh why, can’t I just die?  I’d been made to suffer, since the moment that my dearly beloved family told the doctors to SAVE me, but, at the price and the cost, of losing MY dignity as a human being, because I’m totally, incapable of performing the MOST basic of all functions in life, like I’d needed someone ELSE, to WIPE my ass for me, someone, to bathe me too!

Dragged on, by this ailing body of mine, why must I be?  I’m just, too tired of, relying on EVERYBODY to take care of me, I don’t want to live like this anymore, and yet, I can’t, be euthanized yet, because, save for this problem of immobility and loss of speech, caused by my stroke awhile ago, every OTHER part of me, is still, quite healthy still………


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Filed under Basic Human Rights, Choices, Downward Spiral, Euthanasia, Expectations, Issues of the Society, Letting Go, Life, My Thoughts on Various Issues, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life, Right to Die, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Story-Telling, the Finality of Life

The Jingles of Love


Reading the article, “The Beautiful Sound of the Bells”, it’d reminded me of my second eldest sister, who is eight years older than I.

My second eldest sister had been like my eldest sister, managed everything about me, big and small issues, and, on the weekends, she still didn’t take days off, she’d stayed at home, to watch the family shop.  And, in her spare time of watching the family shop, she’d blinked her beautiful, round eyes, and hummed the tunes that were popular for those who were born in the fifties, “Asking the Clouds”, and, “Watch the Colorful Clouds Fly”.  In my memories, there would be many who’d admired her so, who’d come to our shop to buy things, for the sake of watching her at work, and to hear her beautiful voice.  At which time, the “Bells of Love” she’d sung would become even more moving, “the bells sounded off, jingling, kept calling out to me, like asking me, if I wanted to, sing along with it, to sing out the hopes of love, with the accompaniment of the music……”

My sister after she married, she’d immigrated to the States, twelve years ago, she’d come back from Texas.  At age fifty, she’d hoped, to returned, and settled, back into her roots, without realizing, that the moment she’d stepped off that plane, she’d gone straight, into the hospital, until she’d died, she was never able to, make it back home, to the family she loved dearly.

In “The Polar Express”, it’d mentioned, how you only need to believe in Santa Claus, then, you’d be able to hear the jingle bells.  I don’t know if Santa really DOES exist, but that year, at age seven, I’d had the chance to put on that pure white ballet dress and shoes, and, danced along to an old classic, my second eldest sister made it possible for me to.  During the time of filing the taxes, she’d asked her boss for more hours, and, made my dreams come true, just like Santa would.

Remembering my second eldest sister, I’d played out the song, “The Bells of Love”, and, my tears came, uncontrollably with the sounding off of the notes: the bells, jingle, jingle, jingled…

A story of loss is what this is about, and, you can see how close this woman is to her sister, her sister became like a spoiling parent toward her, and, it was very unfortunate, that this woman’s older sister had passed away, just when she was about to return back to her roots, and, she’d remembered all the kindness shown to her by her older sister, and that, would be the memories of her lifetime…

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Filed under Family Matters, Interactions Shared with the World, Kindness Shown, Letting Go, Life, Loss, the Finality of Life, Translated Work

A Murder-Suicide, an Act of Love

On the Right to Die, Euthanasia, still an issue of ethics, from, by: M. Fortier, G. Wayland, & K. Underwood…

A husband and wife were killed in a New Hampshire hospital Tuesday in an apparent murder-suicide shooting that their friend told NECN was an “act of love,” not a crime.

Mark and Katherine Lavoie both died after shots were fired just after 6 a.m. at Wentworth-Douglass Hospital in Dover, friends and family confirmed to NECN. Authorities have not revealed the pair’s identities.

The New Hampshire attorney general’s office said the investigation is still in its early stages, but the two deaths appear to be the result of a murder-suicide. Autopsies will be conducted to determine the cause and manner of the deaths.

On Facebook, Mark Lavoie stated his anguished motives for wanting to take his wife’s life, writing in part, “now because of my selfishness in dialing 911, she is experiencing the only thing she feared more than her illness, life-support on a respirator.”

Barbara Hanson, a friend of the Lavoies, told NECN that it was not a crime, but an “act of love,” and that the two were soulmates. According to Hanson, it wasn’t a secret that Katherine Lavoie was battling depression, and she said she believes Katherine tried to commit suicide on Sunday night, which was when her husband called 911. Hanson said Katherine Lavoie ended up on life support at Wentworth-Douglass Hospital.

“He knew Kathy would not want to live as a vegetable, and I think he knew he would be so broken without her that he needed to be with her and that’s why he did what he did,” Hanson said, adding, “This was not something that was done out of hate or loathing or anger or despair. This is something that was done out of pure, absolute love.”

So, this husband is making right what he thought he’d done wrong, because he felt, that having called 9-1-1 to save his wife’s life had made her suffered even longer, and so, he’d murdered her, then, took his own life, and, it is, an act of love, because he couldn’t withstand to see his wife suffer longer than she needed to…




Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Euthanasia, News Stories, Properties of Life, Right to Die, the Finality of Life, Values