When You’d Become, the Sum of My Parts

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I can’t, do without you, I’d become, totally, completely, hooked (woe would be me!!!).  When you’d become, the sum of my parts, we’d become, too intertwined, too, mingled together, like those balls of yarns that those kittens played with, without the supervisions of humans?  They end up, tangled up completely, unmanageable.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, it would be, super, duper hard, for me, to live without you, I’d grown, to rely on you, for every single one of my needs, and yet, you don’t, give me any, and so, I shall, die…

what that, looked like…and it’s, still NOTHING good!  Photo from online

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, nothing’s, interchangeable, I gotta, have you in my life, or else, I will, die, I can’t even, go a second, without you on my mind, what am I, supposed to do, I think about you when I’m awake, and dream of you, when I sleep at night.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I’m destined, to get, SCREWED over, which is why, I’m now, working, too hard, to make SURE, that you don’t become, the sum of any part of who I turn out to be!

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, well, let’s see, how it’ll end, and I gotta feelin’: it ain’t, gonna end well, not for me one bit, and yet, I can’t, map out my brand new path, my path is, too entangled, with yours now………

Please Let Go, and Trust in Me, Having an Overbearing Mother

The problem here, is still NOT with the daughter, but with the mother, but, does she realize it???  Of course N-O-T, translated…

From awhile ago, on the news, a certain organization had been losing money by the year, the second-generation owner decided to sell of the office building, for cash, the founder, as he was, interviewed, stated, “My heart ached as my son did it, but now, I’d, trusted in his decisions entirely!”

This pair of father and son made me so envious, and at the same time, I’d, felt heartache for them both, because how I’d, wished that my own mother, can trust me like this father had his own son too.

From the views of the world, I guess, I’m, the pride of my parents: made high grades, gone to an all-star institution, and, managed to pass the exams for a public office on my very first try, I’d never needed my parents to worry over my school performances or my work.

Although my mother stated verbally, that I’d, done well for myself, but she’d, never had faith, that I can, handle things on my own, whether it be how I’d spent my money, how to treat others I meet, whether to have children after I married, who should care for my child if s/he was born…………my mother’s criticisms came at me, never-ending, “it’s for your sake”, was her most widely used phrase, and her weapon.

She’d never understood, that what she’d believed to be a show of care and concern, her nagging, was interpreted as how she didn’t trust me enough, I’d tried to tell her, but her response was always, “Those with your last names, can’t take any criticisms from others!”

When I was interning, I’d, lived at home, I’d had a crash on a rainy day, and, as I’d, bent my knees, my injuries started bleeding, but I’d not let my mother know, I’d, bent down, holding the pains in, as I’d helped clean up the house, until my mother rode out to get the groceries, and found the head of the motorcycle dented, that, was when she’d, found out.  I’d gotten into another, serious crash after I was married, and, it’d been years to this very day, I’d still, not told my parents what had happened to me.

Of the two wrecks I got in, I was, very scared, but I knew, that other than feeling anxious over me, and nagging me, my parents couldn’t do anything for me, and they’d, surely, blamed me, for being, too careless too.  And so, no matter how painful, I’d much rather, hide the truth from them.

I’d never doubted the love my mother had for me, but every time, as I’d, wanted to show affection towards her, she’d started, lecturing me, and in the end, she’d added, “Nobody else is going to tell you this, I’m your mother, that was why, for your sake, I’m, telling, you the truth!”  in my mother’s mind, I’ll never be, enough, there are, always things, I can, improve, and, all of my good performances are, matter-of-fact, and yet, the imperfections, are what pricked at her, and she’d needed to, get rid of them.

But, my dearest mother, you know what?  Your daughter may not be perfect, but, she’d always tried very hard, worked hard, can you just, let go, and trust in me?

And, hopefully, this woman’s mother can see this article, and change the way she interacts with her daughter, but, I’m still, NOT holding MY breath, because parents like these, they think what they’re doing, IS for the good of their young, and they just keep on, doing whatever the F*** (maxed out???) they’re doing, using their same old ways, probably because they were, treated as such by their own parents (‘cuz these sorts of SHITS still gets passed down, from one generation to the next, like D.N.A.???) and this daughter is going to, have a very difficult time, getting closer to her mother that’s for sure…

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Air, My Friend

taken from the papers here…

Translated…

They all thought I was playing, actually, I’m, crying.

This, is the mindset of loneliness, that lack of understanding from the outside world, that longing to be, accepted, by the group…

A Good Man Who Don’t Mean NO Harm…

Another “lesson” in SELF-DECEPTION here, if you want to call it that…

She’d shown up late, to a luncheon with her friends, with her dark shades on, and her face is, powdered, MORE heavily than usual too!

She sat down, took her dark shades off, so she could read the menus, and that, is when her friends realized, that there were, shiners, bruises, on her face and around her eyes.

They all looked at her, in that way, you know, like they got something to say, but before the words came, they’d, swallowed them hard, back down, and so, she’d started explaining to them, what had happened to her…

She said, “He’s a good man who don’t mean no harm, it’s just that his best friend got laid off, and they worked in the same positions in the company, and, he’s stressed out over that, because he feared, that he’ll be the among the next ones, to get the ‘boot’, and, being the sole economical provider, if he’s out of a job, then, we’re, ALL screwed!  He’s just, under, a TON of stress lately………”

A good man who don’t mean no harm, but here are the facts, he DID harm you, with his words, his emotions, or with his fists, and feet too, even, and, each time after he’d said those harsh words, used his emotional blackmails on you, he’d always feel oh so god DAMN remorseful, looking at you, with those, sad puppy eyes, and that, is when your god DAMN maternal instincts (and yeah, that, is EXACTLY what’s screwing you ALL over, it’d screwed ME over too, but no more!), kicks in, and he knew damn well that is the way to go too, and so, he’d buttered you up, fed you mouthful after mouthful of his sweetened lies, and, you just, gobbled it right down too (are you god damn FUCKING retarded here???).

A good man who don’t mean no harm?  Yeah right, get REAL, if he IS a good man, then, he wouldn’t have taken it all out on you and your children, would he?  But, because you watched YO mamas, getting BEATEN up, SHOUTED at, by YO daddies, you in turn, learned from watching, and all of this is still ongoing, without YOU being AWARE of it, wow, how god DAMN FUCKING (and no, NO need to “pardon” me this time!) RETARDED CAN you get, ladies???

 

 

The Burdens from Caring for a Developmentally Delayed Child was Too Much, the Mother Jumped into the Water, the Father Tried to Save Her, Both Parents Ended Up Dead

It is hard enough, taking care of a normal child, and this family needed to care for one that’s developmental delayed, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A woman with a Chinese descent, Chen was found, drowned to death, close to where she lived, in a large ditch, her husband, Wang was missing; and because Chen had prior records of attempting suicide, and was saved, the police believed, that it was because of the stresses she’d faced, taking care of her developmentally slow son, and she couldn’t handle it, took the leap into the river, and her husband who couldn’t swim went after her, and was drowned too, and missing, the firefighters are searching for Wang through the nights.

The police investigated, that Wang (age 39) , married Chen (age 30) from China, both of them worked in a factory, has a six-year-old and a two-year-old son, but the older child was developmentally delayed, and harder to care for, the couple got along really well, but, because taking care of their older child was hard, and so, they’d gotten into verbal altercations from time to time.

The police told, that the three generations of the family lived under the same room, the grandparents on the first floor, Wang and their children, on the second; at around four in the afternoon yesterday, the youngest child cried about how he wanted his mom, tripped and fell at the entry of the staircase, the grandfather didn’t see the daughter-in-law come down to check on the child, felt it was odd, and, after the grandfather gone upstairs, he’d found both the parents aren’t around, immediately called it in.

The family stated, that Chen, ten days ago, had gone to the drainage systems in Hsiu-Shui to attempt to drown herself, but, her father-in-law found her in time, and prevented her from so doing; yesterday afternoon, Chen went out again, and her husband ran out without putting on his shoes, perhaps, because Chen wanted to kill herself, the husband ran after her, to prevent her from doing so, and, to save his wife, he leapt with her, but, because he couldn’t swim, they both drowned.

Chen left behind a notebook, with the final words for her son, “Mom knows you’re not a healthy child, but, mom will go, to a far away place now, to watch you boys grow up from afar.”  “Mom really loves you very, very, very much, you are my cherished babies, both of you…”, as the family members read how Chen spoke of nothing but love toward her sons, they all felt bad, that she had died.

The relatives of the Wangs said, that the eldest son is slow-to-learn, and reacted slowly, the family would take him to the hospitals for follow-ups, the parents of Wang not only helped the couple look after the child, also treated Chen, their daughter-in-law, as if she were their own, they couldn’t figure out, what drove Chen to commit suicide.

Perhaps, it’s how she felt awful about her son’s conditions, and she could do nothing about it, and, with the strains from her day-to-day living, she just couldn’t get through, but that, is all speculations now.

Both the Deceased and His Killer Went Abroad When They Were Younger, Were Very Close to One Another Normally, the Last Note from the Suspect: Mom, Dad, Don’t Cry for Me

The aftermath of murder-suicide, a follow-up story, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The murdering of his classmate, Liu by Huang from Kaohsiung Medical University, because he was jealous, as the news got passed, everybody in their department was shocked, stated that although they were three, four years apart, but, they were sent abroad to study, and, because of how similar their backgrounds were, they’d hung around together usually.

The classmates stated, that after the news of Liu three days ago, everybody in the department was having a difficult time, accepting; and these couple of days, when Huang failed to show up for class, everybody thought that it was because he was upset about Liu’s murder, nobody expected the end to be like this.

The medical student, Chen stated, that both Huang and Chen did well in class; both were optimistic, and were both very actively involved in extracurricular activities too, Huang belonged to the football team, Liu acted in a miniature short film directed by a fellow classmate, they both interacted normally with the professors, as well as other classmates too.

The school investigated, that Liu and Huang were Chinese students from Canada and U.S. respectively, both studied abroad when they were younger, because of the similarities in their background, they’d become, the best of friends after they’d started in Kaohsiung Medical School.  Huang showed up for activities on April 28^th, then, never showed up again, nor was he there, for the meeting of extracurricular club he belonged to, and, the upper class member was just about to tell the professors about it, and the professors were on the verge of trying to find out what happened to him, they got the news of his death.

The office of Student Affairs had already counseled the close friends of these two young men, the classmates were all, heartbroken, “We were together, and, all of a sudden, they both died”, as for the words of how they got jealous of the attention of a girl, the school said, that they’d heard the classmates talk of how they were both seeing someone, but, they’re not clear on the details.

Yesterday, the school managed to get into touch with both Huang and Liu’s parents, both their parents started crying like hell, upon hearing the bad news, “We’d worked so hard, to get them educated, with such bright futures, and now, they both died, it is really difficult, for us, to accept.”

Huang who’d burned charcoal to commit suicide left two notes, one was for his parents, the other, for his younger brother, in the one for his parents, he’d stated, “I’m truly sorry toward you, I hope you won’t feel sad about me again, I was, my mistake, to have, let you down, I love you, I’m sorry, I couldn’t fulfill the duties of a good son to you, if I could, I’d wanted to return to before, when I was led, by the Lord.”

The other note, was for his younger brother, he’d told his younger brother, to take good care of their parents, said that he’d set an awful example, wanted his younger brother to behave, to listen to the teachings of their parents.

And so, this, is the aftermath, and, from this you can clearly see, how easily love can turn the best of friends against each other, that just shows, that love is something you need to be careful around…

After He’d Gotten Him to Pass Out, He’d Strangled Her to Death, Toasted His Body, to Mislead the Police

Love became murder here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A medical student, Huang, from Kaohsiung Medical School, was suspected of getting jealous of his girlfriend, after he’d strangled his classmate, Liu to death, he’d toasted his corpse, then, set up the scene to look like an accident, back then, Huang suffered from smoke inhalation, the police called him in as a witness, but because the police realized, that Liu’s body was torched after he’d died, they’d called Huang back in, and, Huang was afraid of getting charged, he’d texted an apology to Liu’s families, then, committed suicide by burning charcoal.

Both Men Were from Families of Doctors, Both Lived in Mansions

The police investigated, that the third-year medical student, Huang (age 27), and Liu, the victim who was four years younger, were both from medical families, both their parents had high hopes for them, they’d bought mansions for their sons in Kaohsiung, so they could focus on their studies.

The police investigated and found, that Liu lived in a Baroque-style high-end apartment in Sanming District, on the early morning of April 28^th, the super of the building found the fire alarm going off, he’d immediately called the fire department, and sent someone up to his floor to check on him.

And because there are passcodes for each and every home of the building, the super called Liu’s father to get the passcode, then, brought in the fire extinguisher, saw that the smoke was from the kitchen, shortly thereafter, the police and firefighters finally arrived, and the fire was already put out.

After the Confrontation, He’d Strangled the Man, Torched Up His Body, to Make it Look Like an Accident

The super told the police and fire department that back then, the two stoves were still smoking, and Liu was found, with his upper torso torched to black underneath the kitchen sink, and Huang lay still in the living room, on the couch.

Huang suffered from mild smoke inhalation, as he was lifted to the hospital, he’d lied to the police on how he and Liu were drinking and chatting, that he’d fallen asleep, but the investigators found, that the area of burns on Liu’s body wasn’t enough to kill him, suspected that the cause of death wasn’t so simple, set up an autopsy yesterday, and called Huang in in the mornings.

Because Huang failed to show up, the police rushed to the mansion close to the Art Museum in Kaohsiung to find him, they rang the doorbell, nobody answered, they felt something was off, had a lock smith to open up the door, as they’d entered into the property, they’d found Huang dead, by burning charcoal, with two suicide notes.

The police found, that Huang had disclosed to a classmate on how he’d confronted Liu for the sake of his girlfriend, he’d added medication in his drink, after Liu was out, he’d lost control, and murdered him, he’d already found a lawyer, was ready, to turn himself into the police.  The D.A. reexamined the body, found that Liu’s neck, and hyoid bones were broken, and there were traces of impact on the back of his head, believed, that “he was torched up after he was killed”.

Liu, who was murdered by his classmate, Huang, the coroners found there were torch markings on his stomach, suspected, that after Huang strangled Liu, he’d moved his body to the gas stove, “roasted” him, then, set the scene up like it was a gas explosion, they’d already taken the residues close by the stoves to trace.

The police said, that before Huang started burning charcoal, he’d sent an apology to Liu’s father, and, Liu’s father told the investigators, “had I know he would commit suicide, I would’ve done everything to stop him.”, and because the text was sent at one yesterday morning, Liu’s father didn’t check his cell until he got up this morning, and it was already, too late.  Huang’s father was in deep grief over his son’s death, wouldn’t describe what he saw to the press.

The investigative officers found, that last month on the 27^th, Huang went to confront Liu at his place, and that he’d premeditated the murder, was suspected of adding sleeping pills to the victim’s drink, and, after they’d had a bit to drink, they got into an altercation, and, Liu had, passed out, and, Huang took advantage of the time when Liu was passed out, strangled him to death, then, roasted his corpse on the stove afterwards.

The police also stated, that based off of the time, as Huang was roasting the body, he’d used Liu’s cell phone, texted his girlfriend, “I’d accidentally set a fire while I was making instant noodles”.

Afterwards, the police investigators found, that the cause of death wasn’t so clear cut, asked Huang to come to the police station for further questioning, Huang realized, that he couldn’t escape punishment, told his classmate he’d found himself a lawyer, and was ready to turn himself in, and admitted to drugging, and strangling his classmate to death through his lawyer.

Based off of understanding, Huang and Liu were both into a second-year female student, the two of them started pursuing her together, but because Liu shared similar experiences with her, in the end, the female student chose to start dating Liu, this caused Huang to feel upset, thus, the seed of murder got planted.

Liu’s girlfriend was notified by the police, two days ago, she’d helped with the investigations, back then, she’d told the police, “I couldn’t speculate on Liu’s death”, told the police, that Huang and Liu had pursued her together, but she’d chosen Liu in the end.  Based off of her words, Huang and Liu got along well and interacted nicely, never got into altercation, and hadn’t heard that Liu had any bad business with anybody.

Both Huang and Liu’s fathers are doctors, Huang is from Kaohsiung, Liu, Pingdong, both were from well-to-do families.  Huang’s parents bought a two-bedroom apartment for him, and the price of the areas around where he lived was three to four hundred thousand dollars per twenty-five square feet.

Liu’s father, for his son who got into Kaohsiung Medical School, bout the house in the high end locations, and five years ago, it cost $200,000N.T. per twenty-five square feet.  Liu’s family back home in Pingdong said, that he was loved by his grandfather since he was little, and the family still couldn’t tell the elder about the grandson’s death.

Scholars: Having High IQ Doesn’t Mean Having High EQ as Well

The medical student, Huang was suspected of getting trapped into a love triangle, after murdering his classmate, Liu, torched up his body, then, attempted suicide; last year the graduate from N.T.U, Wen-Yen Chang also committed murder on his ex-girlfriend, Lin on the streets last year too.  All of these well-educated kids, how could they possibly commit such awful crimes?  The dean from the criminology department of Chungchen University, Hsu pointed out, “Having a high I.Q. doesn’t necessarily mean that the E.Q. of the person is high as well.”

Hsu said, that from before the schools would round up all the “bad students” who were studious together in a class, believing, that they had better control over the high-risk students, but in recent years, one can see the trend of the crimes committed, were done by intelligent, studious students with bright futures, of these, murders because of love took up the majority.

Hsu said, that the culture in Taiwan still worships degree, and most are still believers of “Good grades is everything”, and ignored the importance of having better interpersonal skills; and those who couldn’t handle it, are more than likely, to do awful things when they met a difficulty in their lives.

So here, making the grades is NO longer a big deal, having the ability to problem-solve, ability to withstand the trials from one’s own life, that, is the key to success, like these examples of men who’d murdered because of love, that just shows you, that we may need to, SHIFT the focuses of education of the younger generations here…

His Nights, Consumed by the Shadows

His nights, consumed by the shadows, and, he’d just, pull those way too not thick-enough covers over his head…

His nights, consumed by the shadows, and he has absolutely NO recollections, of WHEN those shadows started showing up in his nights, and now, they would, pay him visits, every single night, and, he just, couldn’t fend them off at all.

His nights, consumed by the shadows, it’d become, too grueling, for him to cope now, and, in order, to NOT let those shadows into his mind, he’d forced himself, to stay awake, ALL through the nights, and, during the daytime, because he couldn’t sleep at all at night, he’d become, lethargic, and, couldn’t do anything REPRODUCTIVE at all!

His nights, consumed by the shadows, there’s no way he’d found, that he could use, to effectively, chase all those nightmares away, after all, they (the nightmares) were all, sown down, into the field of his mind when he was real young………

Childhood, Hauting You

You don’t know why, but, you’d been, haunted by those childhood days from so very long ago…

Childhood, haunting you, because you’d NEGLECTED to pay enough attention to that damaged child that’s within you, and now, s/he is coming back, night, AFTER night, gnawing you, making you feel her/his (depending on your gender!!!) pains.

Childhood, haunting you, how, do you get rid of it?  You can’t, unless, you can find H.G. Wells, and have him build you that Time Machine, so you can go back, and change things, but, H.G. Wells is already DEAD!  Childhood, haunting you, how can this be, you’d wondered to yourselves, I’d left my childhood, so very long ago, and I’m already, an adult, so, how come, I’m still gnawed, by these painful sensations that I’m, just, remembering now???

Childhood will ALWAYS haunt you, as you were, just like me, ABUSE and NEGLECTED by those two PRIMARY attachment figures in your lives (hello, hello, hello???), and you still have NO way out, of that messed up state of mind you’re still currently, STUCK inside of!