Fooled me once, that was, enough, I won’t let you fool me, again! This is why, we should, NEVER, allow anybody to borrow any money (and I don’t mean a quarter, a dollar, etc., etc., etc.) either here! Translated…
Six months back, a friend whom I’m not really acquainted with lost his job, and texted me, to borrow some money.
I had this rule of letting my friends borrow the money, which was, “borrowing is giving”, I’d set myself up, mentally for that, otherwise, if I can’t get what I’d loaned my friends back, I will have to pursue after them, and we might end up, never be friends anymore. I don’t want to make that same mistake again, and so, I’d, handed him a few thousand dollars, told him that it was “to help him take care of his aging dog, the medical costs”, and, I’d showed him my willingness to help him out, and, made sure I didn’t, hurt his, pride. And, in order to discourage him from asking for another loan, I’d, given him, a whole lot less of what he’d, asked me to borrow him too.
I thought, that he got it, knew, that I’d, “given the money for him, instead of letting him borrow the amount”, that there’s not a, next time, and yet, recently, he’d sent another message to me, “Chiu, can you help me one more time? I am really embarrassed to ask this.”
I’d, introspected that maybe, I was, too, evasive in my means, and gave him the wrong idea, that I’m a “free loan’s agent” for him. It seemed, that on the more important matters, I should, just, be, blunt about it. I’d thought for a bit, and, allowed the message to say “read and not respond” for awhile.
Since I’d loaned him the money, he worked in the sales from before, and started, selling things to me; on FB, I saw him and his wife, at the Shoreside Café enjoying their leisure with their pets. It’s not that I wanted to see someone live badly, nor am I wishing that someone falls to the lowest of low in her/his life, and never come back again; but it seemed, that my friend had, started a brand new career, that he’d not needed to nickel and dime anymore, and under these, circumstances, and he’d, asked me for more loans, and I can’t help but wonder, if he started having the habits of depending on me, and abused the kindness of those around him.
And of course, all of the above were my own, speculations, there’s no way of checking if it was true or false. Point is, once money is involved in friendship, the relationship, the interaction is bound to turn, negative. The friends you aren’t that acquainted with, may not care about this, which was why they’d, asked, over, over, and over again; on the opposite, I’d, saved up all I can, donated to the charitable causes to help those who are really in need, I have no desire, of becoming that A.T.M. to him.
In the “part-timing economy” trends, there are, less and less of the full-time worker positions. Or maybe, I should be, a bit, nosier, guide him to set up a “company of one”, to take in clients, and offering them the individual services that they may need from him. In other words, to not try for that full-time position at a company anymore, to use his sills and experiences, and make a living off of that.
To the end, what I’d learned from this was, helping another, we must find the right means for the individual, especially when it came to the matters of the money, because once you’d not thought through the matters thoroughly, you may, easily be tricked into “offering the person your goodwill”, which he will use for something that’s, bad.
And so, this individual was, too kind, to loan that friend who’s not really familiar with him the money, had it been me, I would’ve told the person, sorry, I’m a little tight on cash myself (even if I wasn’t), that way, I would NOT feel cheated out of my kindness, nor allowing that certain someone to abuse my kindness.