Category Archives: Innocence Lost

The House of Her, Nightmared Past…

How many nightmares, can a house, “hold”???  She kept wondering, as she got out of that house she grew up in…

The house of her, nightmared past, she’d tried so hard to, escape from, to get away, but, no matter how far she’d, drifted from that nightmared house where she grew up, her mind always, dragged her ass back!

things that continued to hurt her that she can’t, get away, from…photo from online

The house of her, nightmared past, where she’d been, tortured, raped (it wasn’t “physical”, or so she’d, recalled…), and left for dead, but she’d, not died, because, she’s still, right here (don’t ask where!)…

The house of her, nightmared past, she couldn’t, outrun, it’d, become, a part of her, long, long, long ago, before she, grew up!  That house of her, nightmared past, it’ll, always be right there, in her mind, NO matter how hard she’d tried to erase that part of her childhood, it won’t, “go away”, that, easily…………….

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Filed under Innocence Lost, Life, Loss, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Suppressed Memories, White Picket Fence

The Sexually-Illicit Footages Gone Viral, Getting Passed Around, with the “Multiples of Damaging Effects”

How cyberbullying is still NEXT to impossible to stop, in this, high-tech age, and how the law does, SQUAT!!!  Off of the Newspapers, translated…

The Leaks, the Forwarding, the Viewing Online is Enabling, the Legislators Called for an Amendment, to Set up a Specialized Unit to Remove the Images Completely OFFLINE

There’d been an influx of cases of sexual violence footages being found, there’d been an increase of 876 case involving children and adolescents from 2019 to 2021.  The experts stated, every time that these footages get watched or forwarded, it’d a damage, the victims keep on getting “raped repeatedly”.  The legislator,

Wang called out that other than amending the laws, there should also be a unit in the government set up especially to tackle this matter, to ensure that the images, the footages had been, erased completely on and offline.

Based off of understanding, the sexual image violence cases involving the age group of eighteen to seventy-four is continuing on at four-percent, but, there are not that many who came out to ask the law enforcement units for help.  The professor from social policies and sociology, Wang stated, that the sexual assault victims may only get assaulted once in a lifetime, but the effects of the violence is for life, and the damages of those who were caught on tape getting assaulted, multiplies, this is even harder to break from, the post-traumatic stress.

The victims interviewed of the sexual violence footages, because everybody on the streets had seen the videos, they’d not dared disclosed what happened to them to anybody else, worried that the others may blame them, “you were the ones to have consented to get taped”, if the perp is one person, then, the enablers of this assault by footage is infinite, not only the one who’d leaked the footages out, those who’d viewed the footages, those who’d forwarded the footages, are all, enablers.

Wang stated, the filmed are usually enticed, inexperienced, mostly were “tricked”, of the adolescent age group, some perps used the titles of job offerings, companionship charts, getting the victims dressed in next to nothing, then, getting the victims to strip themselves to completely nude.  The victims are primarily females, but, the number of male victims are on the rise too now.

The counselor, Chen stated, that the cases of sexual violence were more prevalent in the less functional families, but with the internet, this form of digital violence had already spread to every single household, and any age can be victimized.  Especially children and teen, they are the group that needs close attention, the victims may find it hard to disclose what happened to them, the families, and schools need to be more sensitive to the signs, to note the behaviors that seemed off for a child.

Wang stated, the laws to prevent digital violence here in Taiwan is not as advanced compared to other countries’, it’d still not yet specified the class behaviors of what constitutes as illegal here.  Until the start of this year, the Executive Department only started listing out the specifics, there are still many details that needed to get written out, a ton of rules that needed amending, hope, that the government doesn’t just set up the rules, but also, find effective ways to enforce the laws, to prevent more victims from being abused, to effectively, STOP the streaming live footages and the footages going viral.

And so, this god DAMN government DARE pride itself for being advanced in the laws to prevent the invasions of privacy, setting up and passing those, anti-stalker laws, yada, yada, yada, and yet, it does, absolutely, N-A-D-A, to prevent the abuse of victims who’d been raped, molested, and captured on tape, and now, the footages of these, sexual violence, with the victims’ faces not blurred out, are going, to spread all over the internet!  Yeah, we’re, advanced all right: advanced, on falling behind HUMAN rights, and the protection of the victims of these, crimes of sexual nature!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Bad Behaviors, Children Murdered, Cost of Living, Cyber-Bullying, Innocence Lost, Invasion of Privacy, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Life, On the Wrong Side of the Law, Properties of Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Theories & Applications, Utilizing the Internet, White Picket Fence

The Sexual Assaults of the Adolescents by a Highway Patrol, There Were at Least NINE Victims

A perp, dressed up as a highway patrol officer!  This is, really bad, because losers like this don’t have that “tattoo” on their bodies, telling you WHAT (instead of a WHO) they are!!!  Translated…

The officers with the decorated records, Cheng, through making friends online, sexually assaulted a fifteen-year-old adolescent male.  The search and seizure of the law enforcement found many files of nude photos of adolescents on his computer, the police had now, positively, identified nine victims, with more than twenty unknown underage minors.  The Taipei D.A.’s office charged Cheng on nine counts of forced sexual assault, sextortion of young children, indicted him.

The police found, started in 2018, Cheng used FB, friendship websites, friendship apps of his cell phone, to meet up with adolescent males all over the country.  Used the excuses of chatting, to meet out for travels, to get them out, his treks were all over Taipei, Taoyuan, Tainan, Kaohsiung, then, used the time of the two of them being alone, to sexually assault his victims, the youngest found was in elementary school.

On September 3rd, Cheng met the adolescent he was preying on online, attempted to assault the victim in the restrooms in Zhongzhen District, as the young man got home, he exerted emotional signs, the parents were alerted, notified the police.  Cheng admitted to having sexual intercourse with the adolescent, but denied the assault allegations.

And, this is still how these sex predators still disguised themselves, and this predator is “dressed up” as a law enforcement officer, this is, very bd, because you still have no way of knowing, that these law enforcement officials re, sex predators, in, disguise

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse of Power, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Adult Children, Children Murdered, Cost of Living, Crime & Punishment, Innocence Lost, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Life, On the Wrong Side of the Law, Properties of Life, Punishment Doesn't Fit the Crime, Sexual Assaults, Sexual Misconducts, White Picket Fence

Memories, Getting Torn, Down

Memories, getting torn, down, let’s, paint it over, ‘cuz these memories grew, too, god damn, old, they’re, such, eyesores already…

Memories, getting torn, down, let’s, just, get rid of, all of these, eyesores.  Oh wait, you can’t, you had yet to, sort through them, while I’m already, done, sifting through these, broken up parts of my, childhood.

like, this…

photo from online

Memories, getting torn, down, this is, only, an, eventuality, an, inevitability, I mean, you can’t think, that you’re gonna be able to, keep them all together, whole, forever, did you?  I mean, you HAD, accounted for the possibility of, memory loss in old age, right???

Memories, getting torn, down, let’s just, get rid of this whole thing, for once, and for all, I mean, I don’t need this “marriage” (just BRING that GUN to my supposed wedding here!!!) that I got locked up by, and you, you’re still, clueless just as the day we met.

And I REFUSE to be with STUPID again!

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Filed under Awareness, Cost of Living, Innocence Lost, Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Things Left Behind

“The Rabbit Hole ATE My Childhood”…

Alice woke, right at the moment, when that, ax, went down toward her N-E-C-K!

She’d, waken up, covered in, cold sweat, she’d, felt around her neck, then, upwards, toward her own, head (thank GOD it’s still there, my H-E-A-D!!!).  She tried getting up, but still felt, dizzy, of the effects of, her decapitation dream…

She’d, walked around the garden, and, found that Rabbit Hole that she’d, followed the Rabbit down from about, two, three hours before (depending on how long she was down for her “naps”).

Suddenly, she’d felt, the breathes, getting out of her, that was when she’d, realized, that SHIT (children should NEVER use that word!), my CHILDHOOD is, G-O-N-E!

how she, woke! Artwork from online

She’d started screaming: “That Rabbit Hole ATE my childhood!”, what do I do, what do I do???  Being as young as she, she couldn’t, comprehend what just, happened, but she knew, that something was, taken out of her life, like there’s now, that hole in her heart!

“The Rabbit Hole ATE my childhood”, she’d told her parents and her nanny.  “Well, there’s NOTHING we can do, I mean, unless, you can, catch that rabbit that stole your childhood away, and, maybe, if we make HIM into, Rabbit Stew, then, you might, get your childhood back, but it’s, NOT a one-hundred-percent thing!”

“The Rabbit Hole ATE my childhood”, well child, be GLAD, that nothing ELSE went missing from your life, what’s the worth of childhood anyways, we’d left all of that behind us, her parents told her, and it still, was NOT, reassuring…

And so, Alice is now, lost, without her own, childhood, and, she’d tried to find that Rabbit Hole in her parents’, garden, but, couldn’t………………

That was, how Alice, became, an ADULT, in just a forty-five minute to two hour nap that one, afternoon.

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Filed under Burying One's Own Child, Childhood, Innocence Lost, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Queen Tina's Fables

The Child, Hiking UP that Mountain Range, isn’t, Problematic

How this bright kid got labeled as a troublemaker in class, on the education of the children, translated…

In the heat of the summer, the group of us good friends met up for a camping trip on Fushou Mountain.  The day after the tents were set up, the Y family planned to take the kids to trek the Hehuan Creek Trails, and maybe, to climb the western peak of the Hehuan Mountains.  Y and the family of three children had already, hiked many tall mountains.  The outdoors camping became natural to them, I was so in awe of them.  The following afternoon, the family returned back to campsite, the painful calls or screams.  What’s even more surprising, Y mom told me that it was her son’s wish to hike up the Hehuan Mountains.

Y’s son is enter the sixth grade, can be active, or he can sit quietly, he is excellent in everything he does, the swim competitions, the fluent Taiwanese speech competitions, or helping to set up the tents at the campsites, it’s, quite impressive.  This introverted, mature-than-his-years young lad made me curious, and so, as Y mom told me that this camping trip/hike was the older son’s wish, I was even more in awe; but Y’s face fell ashen, she’d told me two things, which made her worried, proud, as well as, helpless too.

The homeroom instructor wrote on her older son’s report card, “Very intelligent, can’t follow the rules of the group.  Often stated his ideas, and if he continues, there may be a chance he might turn bad.” As I’d heard I was, shocked, as well as, confused.  Y mom told me what her son’s homeroom instructor stated: when the older son is between classes, he’d hollered to his classmates to play cards; as the instructor explained the term, “lingering on” and as the teacher added the explanations, the older son blurted out, “Durians taste great!”; during the class meetings, the instructor would call out the seating numbers of those who’d misbehaved: two, three, four, five………the older son then told, “You’re one short for a straight flush!”, the whole class burst into, laughter.

Y mom asked her son about all of these, and demanded that he put up his playing cards, and asked, why he’d not played Chinese chess like he used to from before?  He’d responded back, the classmates always lose to him too fast, and he couldn’t, find a good enough opponent to play with after awhile.  And the homeroom teacher stated that he didn’t follow the rules was because he felt that the uniform made him uncomfortable because of the material, he’d taken it off, hidden it in his drawers and as the teacher started grilling him, he’d, pulled it out, and put it on.

Y mom sighed, started telling me the interlude of how her older son hiked up the Shihmen Mountain with the grandparents; that day, he’d felt like it was only a stroll for him, that he’d not had enough exercises, and on their ways back, they passed by the Hehuan Pointy Mountain, he’d begged his parents to climb it, that it takes about thirty minutes.  Y’s mom hesitated, and the son thought it was an okay from her, then, ran off.  Y’s mom started losing it, kept going to and from the hiking entrance and the parking lot, trying to find her son, and finally, she saw that tiny shadow, leaping up and down on the way, coming back down the mountains, her son, she got so furious, stopped talking to him on the way home.  This trip on the western peak of Hehuan Mountain, was originally a punishment, wanted him to think about what he’d done wrong, then, she will decide whether or not to ground him.

I’d understood what’s behind Y’s mom’s helplessness, as instructors, how would we not know, the trials of, taking care of a class full of, students.  And, as a mother, trying to guide her own son to help him shine with his best traits, it’s also, quite difficult, to get it right, there’s no standardized answer to that.

illustration from UDN.com

That leaping up and down, like a monkey on the trees, is a little boy whom she’d, held the hand of, introduced to nature, that older boy who loved the land, nature, a healthy lad.  He too, is on the treks to, growing up, and there would be the forks in the roads, the passages that led him into the forest that made him, distracted; also, the untraveled pas that called out to him to venture towards; as well as the valleys, the creeks, with the mosses that made the rocks slippery, that he may trip and fall on.  He has to be able to hold that quieted conversation with himself, needs to develop a sense of judgment for right and wrong, these enriching trips is raising a kid who has the big dreams of hiking up mountains, taller than the ones he’d hiked up from before, how can this be bad?  Walking on the ridges, seeing the large mountains, and the clouds, how can a child like this, behave crazily?

And because we are tiny, we’d, gained that humbleness, that was the very first lesson we learned, as we first, walked into the mountains and the, forests.

If the instructors are willing to take the time to understand the other sides of the children, listening to them, try to understand them, help in communication, guiding by dialogue, maybe, the instructors will find, that this young child who’d used his tiny steps, step by step, hiking up the large mountains, isn’t misbehaving at all, he has a steady pace, and the eyes that gazed into, the distance, a gem that’s, glowing, just like how his skin was tanned by the sun, walking on the ridges of the mountains he’d, trekked.

And so, this is on how a child is, misunderstood, this kid has a different style of learning, and the child didn’t fit in to the school’s curriculum, probably because he’s too intelligent, and catches on too quickly, which is why he’d become, disruptive, bursting out those comments in class, which led the instructor to believe that he was, misbehaving, but he really wasn’t, he’s just, longing for something that’s, more challenging to him, he’s, way ahead of the rest of his class. 

A kid like this can easily gets SCREWED over by the current education systems, because there’s NO custom-made curriculum to fit HIS learning interest profiles!

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Education, Innocence Lost, Life, Properties of Life, The Education of Children, Wake Up Calls

Meeting Up at the End-of-Year Company Gathering

How the twists and turns of life had been, difficult on this man’s, childhood friend, despite how she became, a famed, singer, life is still, not at all, easy for this woman!  Translated…

Once at the end-of-year company gathering, a familiar singer came to perform, it’d reminded me of that time in my childhood.

Reason why I’d remembered her especially, was because she was the very first who’d professed her love to me.  As I was growing up, I was overcome with illness, and I’d gone to her house to get the glucose shots to get my energy back; her house was the only pharmacy in our little town, and the neighbors’ aches and pains, are all reliant on her family’s pharmacy.

She loved to sing when she was a young child, and would often run to my home to sing for me, or watched the cartoons with me.  Once as she’d finished her songs, she’d told me, that she likes me, and that hoped that I will, NEVER, change, at the moment, I felt so bashful, not known how to respond.  As we were about to graduate from elementary, she and her family moved to Nantou, and lost contact with us, the family’s former, neighbors.  I’d heard, that it was her older brother who took to the wrong paths, after middle school, he’d not continued his education, and her father gave her older brother the money for a record shop, the record shop didn’t make it, they’d owed a ton of debts, sold off two of their houses, and it still wasn’t enough to make up for the costs, and the family can only hide out for a bit in Nantou.  Later, she’d become a single, and gained some fame, that was when I’d known, that the princess when she was growing up, to help her family’s finances, started singing at the restaurants, and got discovered by the talent scouts, climbed the ladder step by step, to being a singer who has records.

As the encore of the end-of-year company party was over, I’d turned to the backstage, to see that princess of my childhood, but I was unsure that after twenty years, she being a star, would she still, remember, me?  The moment our eyes met, my doubts went away instantly, as she’d called out my nickname I used in childhood, and told of how excellent I was, at reciting the texts in class.  The words came fast, as she was to rush to her next performance, and I’d forgotten to get her contact so we can catch up later, and yet, it was, more than, enough, after all, we’re both, okay.

Afterwards, all of her information I’d read up on on the news, only knew, that she’d lost her color in Taiwan, and turned to China to sing, then married, was abused, divorced, then, took her child and moved in with her own mother in Taiwan.

If I could meet up with her again, I can only say, that the cartoon of “Journey to the West” we’d watched together, the Buddhist monk, after all the trials he’d weathered through, he finally met Buddha in the West, and, become a Buddha himself, I hope, that she’s away from the trials of life, and has a smooth-sailing life.

And so, this is this woman’s trials of life, of how she’d gotten to stardom, of how she married the wrong man, who’d abused her like her own mother was abused by her own father too, but, maybe, she’s made a name for herself, as a singer in China, and this friend from her childhood, can only wish her the best in life.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Bad Examples Parents Set for Children, Children Murdered, Innocence Lost, Life, Loss, Observations, Properties of Life, The Fate of a Woman, The Observer Effect

Dreams, Kept Safe, in the, Rabbit Hole

Dreams, kept safe, in the, Rabbit Hole, until, until those, landscapers came, to redo Alice’s parents’, gardens, then, all HELL breaks loose!

The Rabbit Hole was supposed to have been all Alice’s own, her secret hiding place for her dreams, fantasies, her fears too, and yet, one day, her parents decided, to redo the landscape of her garden, and, dug everything up, then, everything was gone, when Alice came home from school that day.

desperately trying to follow her childhood fantasy down the rabbit hole! From online

She’d felt betrayed by her parents, how could they, how could they, just, dig up all her dream in the Rabbit Hole without HER permission?  I mean, yeah, fine, the garden, the home, everything on the land belonged to her parents, sure, but, how could they, prod into, her private little, haven?

Dreams, kept safe in the, Rabbit Hole, she thought, she’d found, a secure and, secret place for all her dreams, her fears, and her hopes, but she’d, miscalculated everything.

That was, the very last time, Alice came back to that garden of her childhood, where she’d fallen asleep, and saw that Rabbit running late…………

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Childhood, Innocence Lost, Invasion of Privacy, Life, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

A Secret Portal Back to Her Childhood, Alice Had, Found…

A secret portal back to her childhood, Alice had, found.  She was so happy, and eager to jump right in, because she’d, forgotten all about what’d happened to her as a very young child previously, only remembered the wonderful things, the dreams of, cotton candy cloud, unicorns, what-nots that she’d had from before.

So, she’d, followed that Rabbit that’s, running late (life’s calling, honey!!!), and, slid down that secret portal back to her childhood, and, started adventuring, back to, before.

she’d crawled in…

S**T (b/c children aren’t supposed to cuss???), I’m STUCK! Found online

A secret portal back to her childhood, Alice had found, but, the moment she’d, started, falling down into the abyss (the Rabbit Hole), she’d, regretted it, and, there’s still, NO turning back to her, she got to, see it through, remember what was once there, but, forgotten already!

A secret portal back to her childhood, Alice had found, she’d, ventured, deep, into that hole, and, got her head chopped off by the Queen, and, because she’d died in her dreams, she can’t, wake back up, into, the reality again…

So, guess, she shouldn’t have been, curious, and now she’d learned, that curiosity does NOT just KILL that C-A-T, it’d, killed her too!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Childhood, Children Murdered, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Innocence Lost, Life, Properties of Life, Queen Tina's Fables

His Face

His face, a monster, that will, NEVER be, erased from my mind…

His face, that’s, haunted me since, and I don’t EVER see him anymore out there, on the streets anymore.

His face, that will, NEVER go away, etched, into my mind, branded onto, my heart, and, no laser surgical removal of this, permanent SCAR will EVER get it off of me.

His face, a face that’s obscene, that just, kept, gawking at me, at us, women, with the, HUGE breasts, with their, long legs in their, super short shorts…

His face, it will, NEVER go away, not for me, for I remembered, EVERYTHING that’s done to me, since I was very young still, and yet, I’d, erased him out of my mind, as a, person.

he used to come, every single night!

photo from online

His face, I no longer took a note of, he no longer, existed, in this, world I live in!  His face, smeared now, and I can’t, even, recall it, but if I focused my mind, I can, make it out, almost, I guess…

His face, the face of the man who’d, raped me, how can I, forget?  He’d, attacked me, every single night when I close my eyes, he’s, the very first thing I see, when I wake in the morn, he’s, everywhere I am, even though, he’d already been, dead (and no, I still did NOT, “murder” him either!), for…how many years had it been again???  Can’t remember, when the last time I saw him, lurking ‘round the corner of that street………

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Awareness, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Innocence Lost, Life, Properties of Life, Suppressed Memories, Vicious Cycle, White Picket Fence