Category Archives: Interpersonal Relations

Articles of interpersonal relationships, either created by me, or found in the papers, or other media

You Win

This is how the high-tech devices, get between the love the two of you shared, because, you CAN’T divert his attention from “her”, no matter what, you just, can’t compete, and so, you admit to losing, and, make your, “exit”…translated…

You won!  I chose, to back out of the game.

On the MRT trains, as he sat by my side, he kept his eyes glued on you.  The attention I’d longed for from him, he’d, given it all, to you.  In the morning when we rose, before bed, he’d not even, given me a second of his time, only paid a ton of attention, to you, all he sees is, you.

In that space of privacy of only two people, I’d become, that unwelcomed, third, wheel.  And, as I’d, talked until I lost my voice, and can’t talk anymore, it’s all, wind to his, ears; and as you’d called to him, he’d immediately, tuned in, completely, focused.  Wherever he’d gone, he’d, taken you, without you, it’s like, he’d lost, his, soul.  Oh how I’d hoped, to become you, becoming the center of his, life.  But I know, that I will not, beat you, I admit, I lose.  You happy?

I HATE you!  Smartphone.

And so, this, is how addicted the modern day man can become, to the high-tech devices, to the point, that we ignore those who are around us, whom we should be, paying, more of our, attention to, well, what can we say?  We are, children, of the high-tech age, and that, is that.

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Filed under Addiction to High-Tech Devices& the WWW, Cost of Living, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Messed Up Values, Perspectives, Properties of Life

As I’d Loaned Him What He’d Asked

Fooled me once, that was, enough, I won’t let you fool me, again!  This is why, we should, NEVER, allow anybody to borrow any money (and I don’t mean a quarter, a dollar, etc., etc., etc.) either here!  Translated…

Six months back, a friend whom I’m not really acquainted with lost his job, and texted me, to borrow some money.

I had this rule of letting my friends borrow the money, which was, “borrowing is giving”, I’d set myself up, mentally for that, otherwise, if I can’t get what I’d loaned my friends back, I will have to pursue after them, and we might end up, never be friends anymore.  I don’t want to make that same mistake again, and so, I’d, handed him a few thousand dollars, told him that it was “to help him take care of his aging dog, the medical costs”, and, I’d showed him my willingness to help him out, and, made sure I didn’t, hurt his, pride.  And, in order to discourage him from asking for another loan, I’d, given him, a whole lot less of what he’d, asked me to borrow him too.

I thought, that he got it, knew, that I’d, “given the money for him, instead of letting him borrow the amount”, that there’s not a, next time, and yet, recently, he’d sent another message to me, “Chiu, can you help me one more time?  I am really embarrassed to ask this.”

I’d, introspected that maybe, I was, too, evasive in my means, and gave him the wrong idea, that I’m a “free loan’s agent” for him.  It seemed, that on the more important matters, I should, just, be, blunt about it.  I’d thought for a bit, and, allowed the message to say “read and not respond” for awhile.

Since I’d loaned him the money, he worked in the sales from before, and started, selling things to me; on FB, I saw him and his wife, at the Shoreside Café enjoying their leisure with their pets.  It’s not that I wanted to see someone live badly, nor am I wishing that someone falls to the lowest of low in her/his life, and never come back again; but it seemed, that my friend had, started a brand new career, that he’d not needed to nickel and dime anymore, and under these, circumstances, and he’d, asked me for more loans, and I can’t help but wonder, if he started having the habits of depending on me, and abused the kindness of those around him.

And of course, all of the above were my own, speculations, there’s no way of checking if it was true or false.  Point is, once money is involved in friendship, the relationship, the interaction is bound to turn, negative.  The friends you aren’t that acquainted with, may not care about this, which was why they’d, asked, over, over, and over again; on the opposite, I’d, saved up all I can, donated to the charitable causes to help those who are really in need, I have no desire, of becoming that A.T.M. to him.

In the “part-timing economy” trends, there are, less and less of the full-time worker positions.  Or maybe, I should be, a bit, nosier, guide him to set up a “company of one”, to take in clients, and offering them the individual services that they may need from him.  In other words, to not try for that full-time position at a company anymore, to use his sills and experiences, and make a living off of that.

To the end, what I’d learned from this was, helping another, we must find the right means for the individual, especially when it came to the matters of the money, because once you’d not thought through the matters thoroughly, you may, easily be tricked into “offering the person your goodwill”, which he will use for something that’s, bad.

And so, this individual was, too kind, to loan that friend who’s not really familiar with him the money, had it been me, I would’ve told the person, sorry, I’m a little tight on cash myself (even if I wasn’t), that way, I would NOT feel cheated out of my kindness, nor allowing that certain someone to abuse my kindness.

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Filed under Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Perspectives, Preying on Others' Kindness, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls

A Wedding Present of Kindness

How her friend’s kindness toward her, touched her very deeply, got her started in helping others in need, because she was helped, offered assistance by her friend from before, translated…

My room and board had been covered by the factory I work in, so I’d, sent my wages, along with my overtime inside the envelope where the boss handed me as a monthly wage packet, straight to Pingdong, helping my mother raise the five younger siblings I have.  As I got to marriage age, met someone who was compatible with me, I didn’t have a cent under my name, his family just filed for bankruptcy, the two of us believed, that so long as we work hard together, we will, get more money, and, there’s nothing we can’t, conquer that comes our way.

The man didn’t have the dowries, the woman didn’t have the marriage gifts, and the matchmaker we’d found at the spot.  As the wedding date approached, my mother-in-law changed her mind, “without a dressing mirror that the bride marries in, it will bring bad luck to the husband’s families.”, I got angered, and starred crying and telling this to my hiking buddies whom I’d just met as I’d started hiking, and she’d become, ecstatic, “I was just, having troubles, coming up with a wedding present for you, now that I know your need, this had, resolved my troubles, of having to think what I’m getting you for your wedding.” And shortly thereafter, she’d sent the delicate, and costly dressing mirror to my new home.

I’d originally, would rather not marry, and not accepted her gift, but she’d stated to me lightly, “money is nothing, I can give you this gift, and maybe, I will need your help sometime in the future………”, and yet, before I can, repay her back for her, kindness, she’d, immigrated to South America due to the problems of the construction company set up and owned by her older brother, and I’d lost contact with her since.

Due to her blessing, my life after marriage, my work, all of it went, smoothly, and I’d, never forgotten her words, “I can afford it for you.”  Someone helped me through my hardships in life, and, it’d, sparked up the heart of gratitude in me, and, I’d, taken her kindness into my heart, and kept, helping those around me who needed.

And so, this, is how one act of kindness, become, an infinite number of kindness, because, these good acts multiple, just like how the bad things in this world multiple too, it’s just, that when we’re touched, and offered assistance to by others, we usually, take it to our hearts, and we, never forget it.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Helping Behaviors, Interpersonal Relations, Kindness Shown, Lending a Helping Hand, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Distance

So close, yet, so far, far away, you and I, on an attraction that is there, but, stayed, unspoken, unexpressed…translated…

You and I, the distance between us, from where you are on the driver’s side, me, on the, passenger’s side.  Not that far away, but, there’s still, that border between us, that we can’t, and we shouldn’t, cross.

or maybe, because it’s that patch of loneliness that belonged solely to you, or maybe, because I’d been, mobile, but always, walking alone, then suddenly, we were able to, start off that conversation easily.  Even though it was only a few serendipitous meetings, the exchanges of a few short bus stops, but, we’d, left traces of ourselves in one another’s, lies.  But, that was, all I know, if I don’t alight the bus you drive, then, we will, never, bump into, one another, again.  I’d loved this sort, of an, accidental encounters with you.

the seasons changed, so do our attires, the only thing that stayed, were the masks we put on our, faces.  That way, I’m, camouflaged enough, to keep myself unknown to you, even if, I alight the bus you were driving again.

But unfortunately, my cover got blown, you’d made me at one sight, without any extra facial expressions, but I saw your excitement for seeing me, shining through your eyes.  Then you’d told me, recounted, how started from the day of the month, of last year, to this very day, how long you’d not, seen me.

This sort of a concentration, of focus, it was, out of my expectations.  I felt a bit, touched by your gesture, but at the same time, that scent of light sorrows that came too.  I’d loved, that ambiguous flirtatious means, knowing, that someone is, silently, expecting my appearances; but I’d also felt a bit sad too, that this was, a sort of a mirage of beautiful feeling that existed, only because, of the, mysteriousness.

Without the nitty-gritty of daily living getting between us, no age difference, no differences in our habits of life, we were like those pen pals who’d written one another for years on end, sharing our multitude of feelings with one another in words, and, as we’d put our pens down, we’d, returned back to our, separate corners, to, work hard for, our own, lives.

Well, we shall, keep on, maintaining that distance then.  No means of contact, there wouldn’t be any differences, interferences, or the possibilities of, cruelty.  But know, that as you stopped at the lights, you would wonder, if you’ll get to see me, crossing the streets, like how when I’m lonely and feeling down, seeing that gentle gaze out of your eyes, it’s, a comfort that I’d, longed for.

This was the settling distance that’s quite comforting between us, until we meet again, by chance.

And so, there’s, that I like you, but I’m not saying it here, because you two had interacted enough number of times, the two of you connected, but, it doesn’t go beyond the professional sense, and sometimes, it’s best it’s kept at that, because, you do NOT want to burst those bubbles of attraction and feeling of liking that the two of you have for one another.

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Filed under Because of Love, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Memories Shared, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Keeping that Heart of Gentleness

Doing his job, offering assistance to others, he deemed it to be his job description, but for someone who is immobilized, the individual’s actions of going that extra mile to offer the services means, a hell of a lot!  Translated…

Seeing Chen walking out of his office, I’d gotten up, out of my seat, pushed the elevator button for him.

Chen was carrying a bag of something, walked slowly, smiling, grinning, but this time, he’d not taken the elevators, instead, he’d, handed me the bag, told, “I’m truly grateful toward you all, a bag of food for you and your colleague to share!”, I’d immediately pushed the bag back to him, didn’t feel right getting a reward for what I was paid to do in the first place.

But Chen insisted, then, turned and left, I’d caught up with him, because I didn’t know his full name, saw the name printed on his identification, made a mental note, thanked him for the foods.

like this, just, doing his, job…photo from online

Awhile ago, the restrooms on the first floor was being renovated, and those who worked on the first floor had to go up to the second floor to find the restrooms, but, for someone with a handicap, it was a bit more difficult, after all, that’s, an extra way to walk, and had to, get into the cramped elevator with the crowds.  As a first line worker, I’d shouldered the responsibilities for pressing the floor buttons; it’s work, but it’, something I do every day as is, it’s not considered lending someone a helping hand, just empathy is all.

I think, it’s because, of all of these situations I’d bumped into at work and in life, I’d, trained my heart to be softer.  In other words, I should be the one thanking him.  Even though my term of work is about to be up, I’d had to leave this work environment, and, as I find work elsewhere, I shall, also, take this heart of gentleness with me there, to treat everybody I meet there kindly, to keep this heart of mine, gentle.

And so, this is what you learned, from your interactions with others on the job, what you do, pushing the elevator buttons for those who entered into the elevators may be ordinary for you, but, for someone like the man who’d especially came by to thank the individual, because he wasn’t mobile enough, it’s something big, and, this individual will take this heart of helping others, of serving others, to her/his next job, because s/he knows, that what s/he does, makes a difference, no matter how little, to another human being.

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Filed under Helping Behaviors, In the Workplace, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Lending a Helping Hand, Life, Properties of Life, Translated Work, Work Ethics

A Simple Act of Helping Someone Out, that Made Everything, Different

Lessons that’s learned, after that incident, and, you’d done your, good deed for the day, and bringing a smile to the kids’ and their instructor’s, faces, translated…

The classroom instructor, Mrs. S is loud, and she’s in charge of those, innocent, young first graders who’d not been, socialized enough yet, and, there would be the actions of the kids, that made Ms. S scream aloud for help.

One day, she’d left the classroom to get the snacks for her class, before she left her class, she’d told the students, to “behave”, and yet, as she returned back to the room, she saw the young children, running around like wild animals, she’d started, screaming aloud at them, too loud, and it’d made my ears, buzz.  Although, I’m not the one she’s directing her anger towards, but, being forced to listen to her screams, it’d, upset me, and, the tropical depression in the atmosphere then, was, uncomfortable for me.

I’d felt awful in that instant, and thought, that heading downstairs, to pick up the snacks only takes a few minutes, and, had I offered to help Ms. S to go get it, then, she wouldn’t have to leave the classroom, and the kids would start running wild, then, wouldn’t I have traded my thirty-seconds’ life in for the peace, and quiet?  For S, for the children, as well as for me too, it all worked out well

And ever since, as I saw that the snack times were about to be here, as I’d heard the noises get loud in the next room, then I’d, gotten up out of my seat, tilted my head in, “I’ll go pick up the snacks for the kids!”, S was stunned, then, immediately, she’d, led the kids to say thanks to me, and, that smile out of gratitude that was on her face, the kids expectant looks, made this errand, more than, worth it.

Although, we can’t turn back the hands of time, but, if we’re, willing, to help one another out, we still will be better in our interactions, relations the next time go around.

And so, this, is what you’d learned, from listening in to the goings on of the classroom neighboring to yours, and, afterwards, you’d, actively helped out, and, helping this other teacher out, was no big deal for you but, for the other classroom instructor, it means, a whole lot, because she couldn’t leave her students alone on their own, seeing how they’d, gotten too rowdy, raucous and loud the last time, and she’d, grilled the whole class that last time.

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Education, Helping Behaviors, Interpersonal Relations, Lending a Helping Hand, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, The Education of Children

The Exchanges of Kindness, from a Bystander’s Perspective

Watching kindness, as it took shape, the exchanges of two complete strangers from a train, translated…

“I’m sorry, this is my seat, but it’s fine, I like the window seats, I will trade seats with you”, there’s that sunshine shining through his smiles, that uncle had the innocence of a child.

The settled in the aisle woman who was sliding on her cell phone, noted something, was on her way to get up, then, settled back down by his gentleman nature.

The shot conversation that came on February 28th, on the northbound high-speed rail, the two only exchanged words for no more than three short seconds.  Then the train started moving, and everything fell, silent then.

I was seated to the left back side to them, and was moved by what I saw.  Because this unplanned, unexpected kindness of exchange between people, it wasn’t set up like in the movies, planned.  The sense of kindness that came from within, that unaffected, unannounced, not only does it calm oneself, but also, made others around them feel settled in, so rare in encounter, surely, they are people with the experiences, the morale, and the, stories too.

I straighten up my back, felt compelled to tell the man thank you on behalf of the woman.

We all must’ve had the instances when we were walking in the rain in a typhoon, with the trials that came with every single step, and, no sight of hope; but, are there, a different means of interactions to be had, if we can’t dodge it, then, why not just, trek through it?  Easier said than done, but how can we, not scapegoat on someone else around us, when we are, having it bad?  Only those who’d experienced the pains at their most painful, can understand the happiness that comes with the, ordinary.

The ride of an hour and a half, the train took us across half the island, before February 28th, the war was already in the distances, happening.  Wherever there’s people, there are, conflicts, but, this period of time that’s compressed, the two individuals sitting next to one another, aren’t enemies, but they’d, not exchanged another word more, such a shame.

The P.A. came on on the trains: Banciao Station approaching.  That woman got up, tipped her toes, silently, picked up the luggage she’d set down on the right front of her seat.  Before she got off, she’d turned toward the man, smiled, and, nodded to acknowledge him.  The gratitude was passed without the verbal communications, they’re, already, acquainted.  Getting along by themselves, not disturbing each other.  Forgetting this meeting that they had, leaving the warmth of the interactions behind, parting ways.

Being a bystander, my purpose, is to witness all of this, to know, that love is still, passed around in this world.

And so, this showed, how the kindness of a stranger can touch someone so deeply, and, hopefully, the writer who was a bystander, can take this act of a kindness s/he encountered from the strangers s/he saw on the trains, to others around her/him.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Kindness Shown, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Companionship at Old Age

GET a D-O-G, that’s my ADVICE!!!

Companionship at old age, someone who can, take care of me, as I age, someone with whom, I can, connect with intimate (not SEX!!!), someone with whom I can, share my innermost feelings with, someone who will, accept me for who I am…………

Companionship at old age?  Yeah, be your own companion, because if you can’t even, get alone with yourselves from before, and if you’d, failed to set up that tight-knit connection to your own loved ones, what the #$%@ (maxed!) makes you think, that your next-of-kin will, want to, stay close to you?  After all, it is, too important, that we surround ourselves with those whom we are, related to by blood (our offspring, next-of-kin, relatives, spouse, etc., etc., etc.), right?

how nobody wants to end up with…

living alone, in the, darkness…photo from online

Companionship at old age, very important, because, the lack of socialization, can make your brains deteriorate more quickly, than the original speed that your brains, deteriorate at.  Companionship at old age, not just anybody at random, but those that you cared for, raised when they were children, and, because you’d taken care of them, put clothes on their backs, foods into their stomachs, provided for their school tuitions, there’s, NO reason why they wouldn’t want to be near you, when you’re, old and gray, right???

WRONG! Despite how much you think you’d, given to your children, if you can’t make them feel the love you have for them, who’s to say, that they won’t turn out as ingrate like I became one, huh???

And yes, this is still, from the life and times, of a total INGRATE: ME!!!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Awareness, Being Alone, Connections, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Karma, Loneliness/Solitude, Messed Up Values, Observations, Old Age, Perspectives, Socialization, Values, Wake Up Calls

The Air, My Friend

On what we surround ourselves, is what our lives, become, the column by Jimmi Liao, translated by me…

Allowing the Flowers to Take Over My Home, Then, there Would be the Visitors of Flowers, the Neighbors of, Flowers too, and, Life Will Become, ever the More, Colorful.

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, off of UDN.com

空氣朋友。(圖/幾米)
We are, the company we keep…

This showed, how we are, interactive, how we’re, involved with our external environment, whether or not we like to admit to it, no matter what, the outside, our externalities, will have an affect on our lives.

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Filed under Creative Writing, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Socialization

The Frontline Workers Interacting with the Customers Often Treated as the Scapegoats, the Service Industries Really Need to Reconsider the Beliefs of “the Customers are Always Right”

The customers aren’t, ALWAYS right, because, we all had, encountered, MORE than, our shares of, unreasonable, customers, right???  Am I right, (everybody, high-five me!!!), off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

In a local grocery store in Minnesota, recently, there was a man in his sixties, who’d wanted to buy the Campbell imported cheeses.  He was at home, staying out of the outbreaks for too long, and, it was a rare occasion that he’d made it out for a shopping trip, he’d gone around the grocery store, didn’t find it, had the store clerks look for it, which the store clerks didn’t find; and he’d, demanded that the clerk go to the warehouse to see if there are any, and, the store clerk checked for the stock on the computer in the storage, none.  Then, the customer raged out of control, started making a huge scene.  This was, the frequent encounters of the employees of the service industries in the past two years in the U.S., the consumers had become, more and more, difficult to handle by the days.

查看來源圖片
“I want to see your manager!”…photo from online

The store clerk, Loona told of the experience, that the atmosphere at the grocery shop was anger, confusion, and fear.  She’d believed, that as everybody watched the man go off, people must be thinking, that the outrage the man was acting out on, probably, had, NOTHING to do with the imported cheese.

What’s before us, is, a weird era, with the outbreaks continuing on.  As people are in the shops, on the airplanes, and talking with the customers’ service reps, there were the outbursts of angers from the consumers: “I want to speak with your manager”.

And, these maliciousness made the owners of the business rethink the prime principle of “the customers are always right!” in the service industries.  If those working in the service industries have to play the role of calming therapists to the customers, then, their superiors, managers, became the bodyguards who must, keep the safety and wellbeing of their, workers.  And, every single time, as these “bodyguards” showed up, they should not tell the workers, “you’re fired”, instead, to the customers, “you are on the blacklist, don’t come here again!”

what the modern day consumers got, spoiled into

查看來源圖片
and no, this is still, NOT, C-U-T-E!!! Photo from online

But yeah, that’s never going to happen, because, we all want our businesses to be flourishing, don’t we?  And so, even IF the consumers are acting up and out, for unjustified reasons, we can’t do anything about it, we can only, blame those cashers, store clerks, for not calming their customers down, after all, this is an industry where, we are, solely, reliant on our customers happiness, their satisfactions at our shops, to make a living, as for the rights, the wellbeing of those workers hired by our companies, yeah, let them deal with it on their own.

And so, this, is still, how messed up, the values are, and it’s all because, of how the businesses are, spoiling the consumers, rotten, telling them, that they’re, ALWAYS, right, when they’re, not!

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Filed under Abuse, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Messed Up Values, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Spoiled Rotten