Category Archives: Interpersonal Relations

Articles of interpersonal relationships, either created by me, or found in the papers, or other media

All the Hurtful Things You’d Said to Me

I wish that I can say, that none of it mattered, but, it’d still, affected me, but, I’m slowly, becoming, desensitized to it.  All the hurtful things you’d said to me, had become, something, that fueled me, those awful words that had, gotten too deep, into my ear canals, had finally, made me deaf!

what it felt like at the beginning…not my photo…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, after so many years, it’d, still hurt, but, a little less every single day, and, I suppose, that one day, all the hurtful things you’d said to me, will NO longer affect me, it’s just, that that day, hadn’t, “arrived” yet…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they don’t matter now, I’d become stronger, hearing all the hurtful things you’d said to me, and, they no longer, hurt me anymore, they’d become, nothing more than those cold winter winds that cuts through the skin on the surfaces now……………

and now…

no longer “registering”, ‘cuz I’d, tuned you O-U-T!!!

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they’d, become, this never-healing infection of my childhood days, and growing up, I’d, carried all my scars that marked my body, and now, as I’d become, an adult, those scars became scabs, and, underneath those ugly scabs, there are, newly, grown-in layers of skin, waiting to come out.

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Being Exposed, Bullying, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Despair, Downward Spiral, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Miscelaneous, Obstacles in a Relationship, Things Left Behind

A Product of His Enviornmental Interactions

He was, a product of his environmental interactions, there’s NO denying that!  Being a product of his environmental interactions, he’d worked hard, to get along with, to adapt, to everything that’s happening around him, because that, is how he would survive.

A product of his environmental interactions, he’d fallen victim, and, once that had happened, he found himself, STUCK, and, NO matter how hard he’d tussled and rustled, he just, couldn’t, get back out again.  A product of his environmental interactions, during the last parts of his life, he’d come to understand, that if one is to ge4t along well with the world, then, one must make oneself malleable, so one can deal with the changes around oneself…

A product of his environmental interactions, he’d become, and, he’d fallen, to that mindset, and, NO matter how hard he’d tried, he just, couldn’t get out, he’s now, STUCK, for good!

A product of his environmental interactions, there’s no way, for him, to rid himself off that, because NO matter where he goes, he is right there, the consequences of his life, will always, be right there, behind him, ready to, catch him, RIGHT in the A-C-T………

 

 

 

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Filed under Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Observations, Properties of Life, Socialization, The Observer Effect, Theories & Applications, Values

A Memory-Filled Garden

Translated…

On the lanai, the mother-of-pearl plant grew to the size of large emeralds, started, glowing.  The devil’s ivy, climbed all over the racks, as they pleased, and, no matter how I’d trimmed them down, they’d still, grew tall.  All of these plants were from my friends, seeing that they’re blossoming, and I’d recalled how my friend had passed; the grasses and the flowers would eventually, wither away, life is too brief.

A decade ago, I’d almost died too.  Back then, a car that came out of nowhere from my alley, it’d hit a student without a motorist’s license, his motorcycle flipped upwards from the ground, and, hit me hard, that I’d become unconscious, as I was about to head off to work.  I’d waken up in the emergency room, the young man told me, “had it not been that the motorcycle had released most of its power, skidding around on the ground, you couldn’t be as you are right now.”  But, I’m still covered with injuries, with the signs of a concussion too.

I’d limped, to my place which I’d rented for just one month, back then I’d thought, if I’d died, my belongings would naturally get spread to others.  Reexamining my own life, I’d have a clean conscience, no bad memories, just that I’d been living for just myself, left NO moving moments for others to savor, and so, my life wasn’t fulfilled, it could even be called impoverished.

And so, I’d started showing cares and concerns toward elderly whose limbs became stiff because of stroke, I’d flipped through the books for them, filled out the forms, and showed cares and concerns for their mental wellbeing.  Since then, I’d kept countless small pieces of potted plants, including the mother-of-pearl plant.  A friend had even invited me to her place, took me to her backyard, said to me proudly, “Take a stem of whatever you want, and plant it at your place!” her husband came out, and helped me picked, he’d pointed to the plant that was right before me, said, “This one, see how fat it is.”  We’d become like children, running to and fro, and, zoomed in on the easier to care plants, at age eighty, they were very energetic, their eyes glowed, and they filled up the garden with laughter.

And now, their house had already been remodeled, and the male head of the house had passed away for many years.  The crape myrtle, camellia, osmanthus, and Jamaican sunset, are all gone now, only the devil’s ivy, still showed a strong life force.

The friend who’d given me the Indian sedum had passed two years ago, looking at all my potted plants, the fun moments we’d had back then came flooding back.  I’d wanted to give him this beautiful garden view, but, instead, they’d helped me create this wonderful memory instead, only beauty surrounded their death, and no sorrows or sadness.

And so, there’s NO sadness, no sorrows, for the friend’s passing, there’s only the good memories that all of you had shared, what better way, to remember the love you’d felt for someone…

 and no, this was still not taken by me!!!

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Filed under Connections, Friendships, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Loss, Perspectives, Socialization

The Child Who Was Sent to Us by Love

On having a student with autism in the class, translated…

In three years’ time, he’d only spoken twice.  Light, a tall and strong boy, diagnosed, with severe autism.

The first time I set my eyes on him, I could tell that he was different, Light’s mom told me nervously, “He’s of normal intelligence, very mild tempered, especially interested in animals and plants, would not attack others without provocation………”  Light gazed outside the window, toward the white sunlight, squinted his eyes, lost in thought, not saying a single word to me.

“Light, what are you looking at?”, “Light!”, that, was the only word he’d spoken, in that first year.

He’d gone to a regular high school, with the focus in competitions and entering into college, it was, truly, hard and trying for him.  He clearly fell behind the rest, in the classes, he’d sat, silent, like a statue, mild mannered and behaving, with the gazes seeming like he was deep in thought, and those lips that are forever sealed up.  As his classmates said hi to him, he’d just sat, silent, and observed.  The teacher worked hard, to try to get him to open up, Light just sat quietly and listened, without any responses.  This silent child, never spoke a word.

The schedule became busy in his second year of high school, Light became like a wood carved figure, followed closely behind his classmates, and, imitated their movements, without any facial expressions, like a grain of sand that existed outside the space and the time.  Only one class, on the relationship between humans and animals and plants, Light lifted up his head, and, a smile seemed to have, curled up his lips.  Then, quickly enough, he’d become, statuesque again.  After class, I’d asked him on purpose, “Light, do you like animals and plants?” “Flower!”, and that, was the only word of reply he’d given in his second year of high school.

The last year’s academic pressures had caused every one of his fellow classmates to be wind up tightly, and Light still trekked between the classes, silently.  On the day of graduation, Light’s mom got all dressed up and came.  “Thanks to the teachers and the classmates’ tolerating him.  The future?  We’re still thinking on it, thank you all for caring for him so.”

I’d placed the present into Light’s hands, “Light, this, is a graduation gift from me.”  Looking at that thickened volume of plant encyclopedia, Light’s eyes twinkled, it was, vague, but I had, caught the light.  Light didn’t say thank you, just gave me a slight nod, he’d followed behind his mom, walked out of the school silently.

I don’t know how this kid will walk through his life, I knew, that parents, teachers, as well as his classmates are merely passengers in his life.  And, everybody gave a helping hand when we’d met up, showed him the care and concerns, and, at the time of parting, we can only say our silent prayers and blessings, hoped, that the passengers in the next parts of his life can use a heart of gentleness, warmth, to accompany this unique child.

I believe, that so long as love is shared between people, that there’s this warmth, every Light in the world, will be touched, by strangers who cherished, and treated them well.

And so, this, is the wishes of a teacher for her student, and, because this student is autistic, he relates to the world around him in his own way, and, his classmates, his teachers had shown him tolerance for it, and allowed him to take his own time, not pushed him into socializing the “normal” way, and, we can only wish and hope, that this kid is going to be just as lucky and blessed, as he go through the rest of his life.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Because of Love, Children with Rare Conditions & Special Needs, Expectations, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Stories of Hope, Story-Telling

Advising Us All, to Not Get Addicted to Facebook

The first of the Relativity of Literature for the month of June, translated…

Jia-Hsien Yang: I will never forget the day I got hooked on Facebook.  It was a period of my life when I felt most lost—yes, that, was during the time when I’d buckled down, and wrote out my doctoral dissertations, in the research center’s research rooms, the days grew dark.  During that entire year, I did not write a single poem at all, I’d checked out my progress on Word, to see if I’d written another extra five hundred characters and added three more notes.  At the same time, I’d started, writing on Facebook, back then, Facebook was not yet “populated”, I’d only gotten a handful of kudos, felt a bit cold.

At first, it was only, a place, to smooth over the wound left by my doctoral dissertation.  As a few years had come to pass, it’d become this demon that prevented me from moving forward in my research.

But, before anything becomes an addiction, it would get tangled up, I’d written and you’d reposted, love and Facebook, are both like so.  And yet, it’d become this method, this stage, and people are all, coming up on stage to perform now, to show themselves, to set up one’s own image, and forcibly, report our own whereabouts to the world.  We can classify our “friends”, decide how far, to spread the news of ourselves to the world, or to give a dissection of oneself in depth.  There were my friends who’d insisted on not adding their professors, or their students, as “Friends”, some had kept the bosses, the managers, or subordinates away, as your mom and dad learned to use Facebook, and wanted you to add them as your friends, this, was the commonly shared trouble for us all.  Mmmmmm, that’s right, I’m the kind, that added some of my relatives, and at the very end, I’d blocked all of them out.  This, was the weirdest part of this sort of interpersonal relations: we’re allowing strangers on Facebook to read up on the goings on of our lives, but, we wanted to keep the cousins out.

As my workload increased, I’d had a TON of idiotic postings.  As I’d gotten kudos for my idiotic postings from the scholars, it’d shocked me so (for instance, recently, Professor Cheng came to give me a kudos).

Juan Tang: Facebook wasn’t born from the stars, and, the nights flowed, never endingly, and, perhaps, this, is the end, of my career in writing creatively.  I’d spend all of my days in the research labs, silently took in, all the losses I’d suffered, in the online chess games.  Constantly, fighting it out, with unknown players, never knowing, who will end up, slaughtering me to pieces.

But, I HATED Facebook, I hate how it is like a whirlpool, sucking my entire world in.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh, could this be, the biggest BANG of my life from here on out?  The nature of Facebook, is not for someone, middle aged chubby men like me, it’s a place, for those adolescents to bullshit in.  And here, we would use “Kudos” as way of attack, and, the beauty in quantity is measured, the qualities step aside, with the experts, using their fingers, every single person who’s not that good gets a kudos, Facebook is the holy ground for online democracy that’s for sure.  People of all ages, living in all parts of the worlds, can state their opinions, and, those who’d followed the leaders get commended, those who don’t, get shunned.  The pages are refreshed so quickly, the applauses died too quickly too, it is, a world, without too much “friction” (who gives a SHIT about “your weird goings on”, your “innocent ways”, and “simplemindedness”).

Then, why are you here, Old dude?  Oh, I’m here, to tell them, to get out, to tell them to stop sliding on their cell phones, to not rant on bullshits, to read those useless articles, to give out kudos for no apparent reasons………for the sake of having a successful conversation, I’d taken up their brain dead way of communication, to laugh out of turn, like chasing the pointless trends, to pretend, that I’m an outdated, but still in the game, old geezer, standing on the side of the young, of the open, of the future (but what if, I’m not?), to deal that FATAL blow, to the ancient belief systems.  Can’t believe, that they’d loved it when I got angered, posing their innocence, and giving old geezers who tried to mess things up like me kudos; can’t believe it, getting kudos feels even better than that $300N.T. whole body massage I just got at Hsin-An Massage Palace.  (oh, I’m in love, beep-beep, beep-beep), forget it, I’m about to forget to head home now, I like you all, younger boys and girls, it’s so funny, Uncle will chit chat with you all a while, do you think my words are funny………

Jia-Hsien Yang: Well, uh?  You seemed to become possessed when you talked of Facebook, it’d showed, how normal I actually am, how I’d followed the rules to the “t”.

Facebook, in the same level’s mirage, how it’d mocked the goings on of the party in front of the temples, it’s truly, a high pressured world.  There is always something going on, there would always be two different points of views, duking it out, we can’t keep our silences, we must show where we stand; if we don’t, we are deemed as aloof, uncaring, chicken.  And, all of a sudden, Facebook had replaced all the actions of man, like how everything you see on Facebook IS the whole world.  No wonder as people marched onto the streets for protests, they needed to post the photos online (I’d done that too), otherwise, who will know that you were there?  Who would know, that you are, showing care and concerns for the society right now?  I’d often pondered: if I didn’t think clearly, if I couldn’t speak wiser words than those already spoken, using a different angle, I’m just, “checking in” at the right time and the right place, other than making my Facebook account into my bulletin, my views into stickers, making myself, into a drop of water, in this big and vast ocean, what’s the meaning of it all?  Of course, this, is probably, too much of an individualist belief.  Perhaps, someone would say: what’s so bad, being a part of a group?  I’d recalled, the difference in The Gilded Age’s Ling Ding and Hong Hsiao now, I don’t want to be Ling Ding, and I lacked what it takes to be Hong Hsiao, but, their differences gave me a revelation.

Like I’d destroyed the atmosphere that Juan Tang was creating by sarcasm of the partying scene in the temple celebrations now……but, Juan Tang said, that there’s not that much friction in this world, no wonder, I’d feel very relaxed and happy when I’d logged on Facebook; the designers are truly wonderful, allowing us to block each other from seeing us if we felt like, and, allowing us, to stop interacting with those who had offended us somehow.  I’d started ranting now, as I’d opened up on my views of Facebook, but, at the same time, I’m reminded, of the two years, nine days’ ago posting of mine, and I’d reposted something I’d posted some seven months ago back on my front pages, to be used, as a reminder to myself, as well as others.

And still, at this moment, I’m feeling, kinda anxious about, not posting anything of value on Facebook for so long now.

And so, this, is two people’s opinion on the usage of Facebook, and, undeniably, Facebook had become, the way we connect with one another, as it’d connected strangers, but, do remember, the saying of how the more you friends you have on Facebook, the less friends you have for real, because you’re spending all that time online, “following” the goings on of those Face friends, instead of getting face-to-face interactions with those who are next to you.

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Filed under Being Exposed, Communications, Connections, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Facebook, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Observations, The Observer Effect

Giving Mom the Applause

Translated…

Since my mother was growing up, her family had been poor, after she’d graduated from middle school, she’d started working in the factory, to help support her family’s income, and, not being educated enough had become, the regret she’d carried.  No matter the issues, she’d always, consulted others, and, she’d turned other people’s assistance down often, and, in her words, there were often, signs of how inadequate she felt about herself.

I knew, that my mother was affected by the values of sexism from her family, plus she’d only had limited education, that, was why she’d felt, that she wasn’t as good as someone else; but my mother had given everything to her family her whole life, treated others with kindness, is a good mother without a doubt.  I’d heard, from my daughter’s teacher, that learning new things can increase the level of self-confidence, to help establish one’s own self-worth; I’d wanted to help make up for the regrets of her environments, so, I’d encouraged my mother to get involved, with the new things.  And so, when my mother turned down the SmartPhone I’d bought for her, I’d used my children’s help, had them play coy with her, begged her, to use IM to get connected with them.

My mother couldn’t say no to her cute grandkids, and so, she’d started, learning to use the SmartPhones, and now, she’d LINED my kids daily, and because the expert in SmartPhone usage among her peers, and helped answered the inquiries of the older members of her neighbors.

Awhile ago, it was, my mother’s birthday, I’d given her an iPad as present, and signed her up for related courses on how to use it at the local community college; she’d gone to class regularly, and can already, edit the photos by herself now, and, making her own doctor’s appointments online, or booking her trips online, are no longer troubling to her at all, she’d even buy the gift certificates in bulk, to treat her close relatives, friends out to dine.  Seeing how my mother’s becoming more self-confident, I’m truly happy for her.

And so, this mother had become an avid user of high-tech products, because her daughter wanted to get her to socialize more, and that, was why she’d bought her the high-tech products, and had her children teach their grandmother to use it, and, by learning to use the high-tech items, the elderly woman was able to get active again, and, she was also able to, enlarge her social circle too.

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Filed under Connections, Expectations, Family Matters, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Observations, Socialization, Values

Treat Yourselves Better

Call it, an understanding from life if you will, translated…

As I’d marched past my half-way marker, I’d finally managed, to find a dozen of my elementary school classmates.  We hadn’t seen one another for forty years, and, we were all very surprised and moved as we met back up again.

Huei-Huei, who had her heart set on never marrying, in the end, still marched into the marriage, and, because she’d had her children late, they’re at their teenage years, the time when kids give their parents the headaches; and, she’d had to take care of her husband’s business, she couldn’t make the time as she lived in the middle parts of the island.  From the gatherings we’d had before, she could only watch the photos through her cell phone screen.

And, two years later, on this day, Huei-Huei took the opportunity that her daughter attended a conference in Taipei, and accompanied her daughter and gathered with us again.

But, I saw how stressed out she was, of the members of the family as she was with us, it truly made my heart ache.  I’d told her, “you’re here now, just go with the flow”, she’d rarely made trips, and so, she needed not worry about the goings on of her house, learned to relax herself a bit, and NOT carrying everything upon her two shoulders.

After all, we’re no longer young, nobody knows when life will end, so, we must live in the moment, take advantage of the now.

Seeing my other classmate, Pam, she’s outgoing too, also married late, without any kids, she is very good, at mastering her own life.  Wherever there are goings on, she could be found there, she’d lived her days to the fullest, and had the word, “happy” written all over her face, and, she’d looked younger and energetic.

Because of work, I’d needed to go into the hotels for conference meetings, and, would come across a ton of fashionable ladies there, they’d eaten together, and carried on in conversations in a relaxed manner, they looked leisurely.

I think, that the pressures modern day women face is way more than those who came before us, other than working hard to make a living, we’d also must take care of, raise our children, be good to our in-laws, and, we all had heavy loads we needed to carry; if we can’t find a way to de-stress, and learn to treat ourselves with kindness, then, we may have missed out on a lot of the good stuff in our lifetimes.

And so, this, is treating yourselves kindness, as a woman, because we women are giving to our families, pouring our hearts and souls out at work, and, after we’d come home, we’d still had to, take care of everything else that’s happening there, and, we run around the clocks, 24/7, and, if we don’t treat ourselves kindly, then, nobody’s gonna!

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Filed under Attitude, Cost of Living, Expectations, Interpersonal Relations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Women's Issues