Category Archives: Interpersonal Relations

Articles of interpersonal relationships, either created by me, or found in the papers, or other media

My Son Cypress

A heart of gold, of kindness, that’s quite, gentle, is what this young lad still have to this, very day, it’s truly, rare!  Translated…

My son turned twenty this year, he’s good looking, tall and handsome, but in his coming of age, the two of us, mother and son, had, more than our shares of, trials.

the heart of gold of this young child…

查看來源圖片
sculpture found online

He’d been active, with a very soft heart, and, there were, the interesting things that happened with him from when he was a very young child.  In his first grade year, one time as I’d picked him up from school, halfway home, he’d asked me to park the car, I’d parked by the side, he’d hugged his backpack tight, leapt out, I’d quickly followed behind him.  He held that serious face, with a light frown, told me, “mom, I have, so many, presents for you!”, before I could react, he’d, lifted open his backpack, and, so many grasshoppers came out!  He then flew into a panic, and, tried to grab them all and put them back into his backpack, in the sunset, the sight of a young child, chasing after the grasshoppers, is such a moving scene, I couldn’t help but laughed, and he’d, burst out laughing too.

Once, in a carnival hosted by his school, I’d given him a hundred dollars, he’d happily, mingled into the crowd, and vanished.  A little over two hours later, he’d come back, handed me six hundred dollars, I was shocked and asked him where he got the money from?  He’d told me that he saw someone, selling a huge stack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards, for a hundred dollars, after he bought it, everybody wanted some, so he’d only, kept a few, and, given them to his best friends, the rest, he’d sold for ten dollars apiece to others; he’d made some cash, and went back to the man, bought another stack; and started, selling them for twenty dollars apiece to the children passing by.  I was too shocked!  Is this, from the retail thought systems?  Could I have, birthed out, a young Buffett?

There was one more time, we’d gone to Yilan to visit, outside the B&B, there was a pond owned by the place, for the visitors to fish, we’d borrowed the fishing poles, and started our very first fishing try, we’d waited for a long, long time, the rod started moving, and, we both, had fish biting at the same time, as I’d pulled mine up, in his younger sister’s screams, he’d, pulled up his, very first, catch too.  He was ecstatic, as I was trying to unhook my fish, I’d heard his screams of ecstasy turn into wailing, he’d cried out loud, “ouch!  Ouch!  It’s bleeding!”, I’d turned to look at him, he was crying like crazy, and I suddenly understood it, quickly, I’d, unhooked his fish, and, released it back to the pond, then, he’d slowly, calmed back down.  In the night, watching him sleep, I’d thought, how soft this child’s heart must be, reminding us, of that gentleness we’d, already, forgotten that existed.

Into middle school, the heavy course load came down on him, he couldn’t fight it, and found his escape in the cell phone games, and, built up that tall wall to block us all away.  In a heated argument, I grabbed his phone from him, and he’d run out of the house, left, “I’m so unlucky!  Being born into this sort of a family!”  in the middle of the nights, I ran out after him, started crying, he’d heard me calling him, he’d, stopped, turned around, and, it’s still, his soft heart that’s, saved this family, from crumbling down.

After high school, life became more colorful for him, in the school play, he’d gotten that male lead part.  After long rehearsals, finally came the day he was going to perform, I sat in the audience, watched him radiating onstage, I was, so proud of him.

and he’d, grown up..

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into a well-adapted, kind young man…photo from online

Looking back, all the way, he’d stumbled, bumped around, with the big and small injuries, but, he always, wears that smile like the warm sunshine on his face.

And so, it’s this kid’s nature, how soft a heart he has when he was younger, and, he’d, grown up, with his, soft heart still intact, with is, quite rare, because, normally, people lose that heart of gold, as they age, because of what they’d, been through, but this young man, still kept his heart of gold.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

The Balloons of, Goodwill

Noting and knowing what you wrote, that got printed, touched a reader’s heart, that was, enough for you, as a writer!  Translated…

As a person who works with words, I’d been writing, for decades to date, and, I’d been, submitting my articles to the papers for over a quarter of a century to date.  Like the sediments accumulated in the riverbanks, left behind, the pages of my, drafting papers too, and I’d recalled what a writer once said to me, she didn’t know where her readers are.

It’s also these couple of years, I’d met some new friends on FB, they’d read my book, I can see what they looked like too, knew the goings on of their lives, but, through the responses forwarded to me from the papers by my readers, there were, only, two.  (both were sent to me by the editor of the Family subsection)  One was an email, the other, a handwritten letter, with the postage stamps on the envelope, passing through the back counters of a post office, separated, along with the mail carrier’s sweat, and finally, arrived, at the editor’s office.

What was odd was, included, was a pack of black beans, and Mexican primrose-willow, for my cats.  The woman was Ms. Liu, at a time in her life, she’d read my articles which I’d written on my cats, knew that my cats started urinating blood out, recalled how her own old cat once had kidney disease too, and from someone else, she learned that drinking the water from black beans and Mexican primrose-willow can help that it could heal, and it actually, did, for her cat, and ever since, she’d, tried helping the cat owners she’d come across with such a problem.

In her letter, not only did she introduced the origins, the sources of the herbs, and described in close detail how the items should be cooked, how to keep it, how to feed it to my cat.  The words were so genuine, as I read, I saw her heart of, compassion, leapt onto the pages, alive, and warm.

But unfortunate, I was living in the U.S. then, and got the article printed out on the papers after my cat had died, and so, I’d, not made used of that pack of remedies.  The editor of the subsection of the papers sent a photo of that package of medication to me, asked me how I wanted to reply back?  I’d thought for a night, saw that there was a phone number listed, I’d decided to call to say thanks, and, if the individual refused to take my call for any reason, then, I can only, write my thank-you note to the editor of the paper’s subsection, and have him pass it along.

like, this???

查看來源圖片
photo from online

Ring~~~!, the following day, I’d gotten the phone going, then, about to talk to a strange reader, I’d felt, a bit, nervous.  The call was, picked up, “hello!”, it was a woman, with a full-volume of voice, I’d quickly stated my name, and told her why I’d called, and, worried she might thought that I was a scam artist.  And immediately, she’d, believed me, and, I’d, asked her permissions to allow the editor to give the remedies to someone else in need, which she’d, gladly, agreed.  An overseas call, a short conversation, and yet, the balloons of goodwill, started, soaring high, underneath, that sunny sky then.

This time, I’d known since I was younger, that I was going to, be a person who makes a living off of my words, and finally, I’d, become, just that too.  with the blood of a word cooker, word lover inside of my veins.  And although, I’d become stagnant, and caught dead, in the solitude of the literary, but quickly enough I’d discovered, that so long as I can still breathe, my feelings are still, flowing, the words shall, never die in me.  As for the readers, I’d come to believe, that the readers are, quiet, and, maybe, they’re, outside of the realms of the kudos I’d received.  Just as I’m also, a silent, unknown reader, to another’s, work too.

The internet is a brand new world within the world, a poem, an essay, a novel, met and mingled in the vast oceans of various medium, sinking, floating, drowning, dying, or, stand out among the rest.  Whether or not I’m noted, I know, that the only thing staying with me, would be, the words.

Then, I shall, keep on, writing then.  Yeah, the final line of my favorite novel stated it that way: writing, the journey, continues on.

And so, this is through the interactions with your readers, and knowing, how what you wrote gained a response, from that, certain someone else, you KNOW that your writings had, had an affect in someone else’s life, made her/him, response, and it didn’t matter if you’re an acclaimed author, with the books published or not, you’d, become, fulfilled, knowing, that what you wrote had, had an effect, on someone else’s, life.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Helping Behaviors, Interpersonal Relations, Kindness Shown, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Writing

My Neighbor’s Son Had Been Drafted to Afghanistan, the Neighbor in the U.S. Asked Me to Ask the Temples to Bless Him…

When the world is, completely, unsettled, you got, NO other options, but become, more superstitious!  From the Neurology Professor’s interaction with her neighbors from the U.S., on evolution, and what drives human, behaviors, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

A neighbor from when I lived in the States suddenly called me up, asked me to go to the temples to ask for blessings for her own son, said that her son is serving in Afghanistan, that she’s on edge all day long, and the news of Biden’s ordering the withdraw of the armed services came, there was a suicide bombing.  She worried that her son may be the last man who died in Afghanistan, in her anxiousness, she’d recalled of the stories of the lunar calendar July’s passing of the spirits, how the spirits are looking for someone to replace them, and begged me, no matter what, to help her, because, begging for blessings, you get it, she wanted her son to return home safely.

As I got off the phones with her, I’d felt, a mixture of emotions, an American mother who’d gone to the U.S. with her own families to immigrate, for the sake of her own child now, found my number, and asked this of me.  Ahhh!  All parents are, alike.

I don’t understand why humans go to war?  The wars bring destruction to civilizations, causing the people to suffer, during the war in Syria, that little boy who’d died on the beach shocked the whole world, too unforgettable.  I’m sure that all of the people, as we thought about, how we may lose someone we love in war, we wouldn’t, go and start a war.  Then, why are there, so many wars currently going on right now?

The professor of Rockefeller University, Donald Pfaff’s sought out the reason of why we’re a warring species from the evolutional neurological, angle, “The Neuroscience of Fair Play” pointed out, that there are the two opposing forces of good and evil at play in our mind, balancing out our behaviors.  There’s this, “golden rule” that we all have, a moral restraint of sorts.  For all man, there’s that sense of fear, the drive to attack.  As there’s enough resources to live, it’s easier for the good side of man to come out, and once the times got bad, in times of famine, the evil side takes us over.

This is an inborn rule, logged into our genetics, he’d given an example of New York subway: an African American while waiting for the trains, saw a white man fall onto the tracks, and immediately leapt down to save him, back then the train is already speeding into station, he couldn’t climb back onto the platform, and can only cover the man over him, that the train sped past them three inches over.  As the press reporter asked him how he could’ve been so brave, to save a complete stranger, he’d told, that he’d not had the time to think, because if he’d thought about the consequences of his own actions, he wouldn’t have leapt onto the tracks then.

This behavior of altruism showed that human nature is kind, that helping to right the wrongs, is wired into our genes.  There was the instance of a fisher, Lin here in Yeliou who saw a student fell into the oceans and drowning, who’d leapt into the oceans to save him, and ended up drowning to death.

These two forces of good and evil, are both, evolved to help us survive, the animals fight to stay alive, for the mating rights, but on the other side of it, being kind to others, we can, increase our chances of survival, to help each other out.  Mostly, the powers of kindness is greater, animals show sympathy too; if a monkey reaches for the raising will cause the monkey in its neighboring cage to get electric shocks, then the monkey would not reach for the raisins, even if it hadn’t eaten anything for twenty-four hours and is hungry.  But in the years of famine, humans would, risk it all.  Three hungry chimps, as they saw a chimp out on its own, would circle the solitary, and the third chimp would attack, killing it, and, the three chimp would share the dead, especially when there’s a female who’s pregnant, and in desperate need of proteins.

So, how to balance out the good and the evil in people, it’s what we need to work on, to maintain the peace in the world.  Casting aside the hormonal effects in our brains, the differences of humans and animals is in education, education can help us surpass the primitive instincts, to elevate the selfishness, and aggression, to diminish the evils of greed.  If the government of Afghanistan can not be so corrupt, to spend the money on building up the hospitals, the schools, to help the people live better, then, the Taliban couldn’t break through it so easily, taking over the country, making the American armed forces, escape in a hurry.

So, this is on how evolution drives us to survive, and we’re all, animals, fighting for our survival here, and when there’s enough resources we will show more cares and concerns for others not related to us, but when the resources are reduced, when we can’t even, keep our own stomachs full, we still, need to, feed ourselves, before we have the minds, to care about someone else, that, is what this tells us, but there are, the exceptions too!  That, is what makes us, humans, a complex, species.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Altruism, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

If You Can’t Even, Get Along Well Enough with Your Mother-in-Law, How the HELL Do You Expect to Get Along with Your Daughters-in-Law???

Uh, this is what I call, a STUPID QUESTION, so, SCRATCH that “last statement” on how there are, NO stupid questions as I’d, stated, previously…

If you can’t even, get along well enough with your mother-in-law, and how the HELL do you expect to get along with your daughters-in-law?  You can’t, and, no matter how you say, that you won’t repeat what your @#$%ED up mothers-in-law DID to you when you married those, mother @$#%ERS (still NOT name calling here!), you will still, fall, into, that vicious cycle, even IF you do have, enough, awareness, ‘cuz, it takes, more than awareness, to map out that, brand new course.

And yet, what the @$%# (maxed out) would I know?  I’m still, unmarried, with NO children (not physically!), but heck, I still, know my SHIT ‘round this subject, so, don’t doubt me.

The thing is, we will all, pass down how we were, mistreated, by our own, mothers-in-law to our own, daughters-in-law, because that, is just how humans behave, and, there’s, NO way, of, snapping, OUT of this, vicious cycle, unless, you have, that extra-sensitive perception (not like clairvoyance, I’m afraid…), and is, super, duper aware, of, everything that’s, currently, happening all around you, otherwise, you will, NEVER break out of that, vicious cycle, and I got NO need to worry ‘bout getting STUCK, inside, that “vortex” cuz???  Oh yeah, I got, ZERO plans of getting married (just bring that GUN to my wedding, as I’d stated previously???), got NO need to have this, already DEAD daughter of mine, and yes, I still, endured through, a whole lot of, abuse AND neglect, along with, other forms, versions, of BULLSHIT you can, or can’t, ever, imagine, so, do NOT, question my authority on here, ‘k???

Mommy is in need of her F-I-V-E, so, class is, no longer in session, ‘til next time, my “children”…

Uh, you have GOT to be, shitting me on here and, I do apologize (N-O-T!) for my, condescending, tone of voice…for this one, N-O-T!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Family Dynamics, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Obstacles in a Relationship, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

A Cycle of Kindness

Because of the kindness, shown by those graduated, older school members to you, making you, more than willing, to give back to your younger schoolmates too now, this is, an amazing, cycle of help, of kindness that keeps, rolling down, translated…

My son stayed in his room a long time, I’d asked him what he was up to?  He’d told me he will be in a webcam meeting in a bit, to train his younger schoolmates on the techniques of interview.  I’d questioned, that it wasn’t him who’s taking the exams, he’d replied, “back then, my older schoolmates had helped me the same way, of course I am going to help my younger schoolmates now too!”  wow, my son is, really, grown up!  This was, very truth, back then, my son wasn’t, too articulate, a geek too, wanted to become noted in the excellent bunches of students from Jien-Guo High School, not an easy thing.  But gladly, his older schoolmates were, more than willing, to coach him, they’d come back to school to rehearse with him every weekend, and finally, it’d helped my son get into his desired major of medicine.

Of them, the most helpful person was the one who’d, connected my son with his older schoolmates, his homeroom instructor, she’d treated her students like they were her own children, and all the students were, more than, grateful toward her, with a call from her, all of her students would drop everything, and came to her aid.

Especially, the year my son graduated, everybody made the higher grades, and, it’s all on how those graduated students’ willingness to put in the time on their weekends, to share with those younger schoolmates the tips of going into the interviews, to how to prepare the information package to bring to the interviews, etc., etc., etc., and on Memorial Day weekend, they’d, trained them from 8:30 in the morn, to five in the afternoon, to allow the younger schoolmates to get the stance they’d needed, when they are in the interviews, and I was, more than, moved by these, older class members’, giving, there were, a total of twelve students who got into the medical department.

More importantly, these experience of having something offered to them, made these kids know how to give back.  It’s said, that children who are intelligent, were all, selfish, but on my son, and his classmates, I’d, found that, cycle of kindness that, repeated itself.  Because they knew, that they couldn’t get into the universities of their choices, had it not been the older school members’ returning on the weekends to help them prepare, so, they’d, followed in their older school members’ footsteps, returned back every year to help their younger schoolmates, and not only of the same school, my son and his college classmates would also, work together, to help the high school students in the Yunling, Chiayi areas to the highest, the topnotch universities in Taiwan too.

Later I’d asked my son, why did he do this much?  He’d said, that the countryside doesn’t have as much resources as in the cities, if because of their helping out, the kids from the countryside can, have the opportunities to get into the more prestigious universities, wouldn’t that be, amazing?  Hearing this, I’d found, that my son has, grown up, knew to trace to the origins, willing to help others, this would make me happier, than his, making the good grades.

This shows, how the cycle of kindness, can also, snowball, with the previous generations of graduates, coming back to the high school to help the graduating students prepare for their, entrance college interviews, giving them tips, helping them get into the majors of their choices, now, these younger school members, are, paying it forward, because they were, shown the kindness, by the previous generations of graduates, that’s why, they’re now, more than willing, to give back too.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Interpersonal Relations, Kindness Shown, Life, Modeling Behaviors, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Elders Whom Everybody Likes Being Close to

How these two elderly women are role models for us all, not just in their abilities to stay health, but on the positive attitude they take, toward growing older, and living, their lives, to the fullest…translated…

With the advancements of medicine, becoming an elderly person, is the future for us all, but, it’s a lesson, to learn how, to be, a cute elderly person.

There were two role models, of what elderly persons should be like.  Grandma Wang, I’d met through the volunteer program at school, at age seventy-six, she’s, graceful, and, dressed in a way, that’s, visually, appeasing.  After her move from her old home in Chiayi to Taipei, she’d gone to the local elementary school, to inquire if there’s a need for volunteer, and she’d started working, as a “story grandma”.

Some of the stories that Grandma Wang told the students are from the illustrated books, children’s books, and, some stories, were from her own travels, that she’d, changed the parts to.  With the lessons, Grandma Wang would bring her own homemade props, for instance, on the story of the Pygmalion, she’d started, playing the role of the female lead, handed the flowers one by one to the children, with the rise and falls of her voice, it’d, captured the children’s, attention.  Every time she’d walked down the streets, the children would greet her eagerly, “Grandma Wang!”

She also volunteers as the morning homework helper, four days a week, she’d, tutored two children who needed the extra help time.  Other than volunteering, she’s also, actively involved in the community choir too, doing yoga at the gym, to train her muscles, she’d managed to keep her body fit.

staying active in the elderly years…

查看來源圖片
photo from online

Another Grandma Lee, was an elder I’d met when I volunteered to the home visits, Grandma Lee was with a straight back, and you can’t see that she’s, already, ninety.  Her son lives out of country, her daughter lives in Kaohsiung, and often comes up north to visit her.  Grandma Lee had been volunteering at the hospital for thirty years on end, and recently, she’d, stepped down.  She’d gone to the parks early in the morn every day for tai-chi, and had brunches with her fellow martial artists, and, once a week, she’d gone to volunteer at the local borough’s office, and would arrange her time once a year, to go to the hospitals or the nursing homes with the Tai-Chi instructor to teach everybody some simple moves the residents can do to keep up with their physical wellbeing.

And, these two beautiful elderly women had a couple of things in common: first, they’re very physically healthy, with the regular routines for their workouts.  Secondly, both are involved in volunteer work, the embodiments of happy in helping others.  Thirdly, they’re, actively, interactive with their external social environments, not fallen off the connections with society.  I want to take after them, to become, a warm, an elder whom everybody wants to be close to.

And so, these two elderly women are, amazing role models indeed, they are very active, they kept up with their health, exercised regularly, and, found the time, to give back to the community, which is what probably helped them stay youthful, and they’re, role models for all of us indeed!

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Filed under Aging Gracefully, Expectations, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Old Age, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Socialization

The Air, My Friend

On the need to hear that certain someone call out your names, and this is, codependence, it’s not good!  The column by Jimmi Liao, translated…

The wind blew by, the ears, floating along

The wind stopped, the ears hung down low.

The ears floated at the lobes, where’s the wind?

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, courtesy of UDN.com

空氣朋友。(圖/幾米)

Who cares where the wind comes from,

All I care about are the breaths of love

You’d called out to me, my ears floated up

You fell silent, my ears, drooped too

And so, this speaks, of that longing, for someone, or it can be interpreted becoming codependent on the love you feel for that certain someone, which isn’t good, I mean, think about it, if your ups and down is solely reliant off of someone else’s calling out to you, wouldn’t that be, too sad???

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Filed under Because of Love, Codependence, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Let’s Make Friends

Sometimes, all the plans we can make, can’t defeat, F-A-T-E!  Translated…

Rainbow and Lulu were originally strangers, in a chance encounter, Rainbow asked Lulu to borrow some money for her cab fare.

Rainbow was actually ecstatic, that they had the chance to interact, because she’d noted Lulu a long time, and had always wanted to be her friends, but, she’s way too shy to start up a conversation herself.

Because of the outbreaks they couldn’t meet up, Lulu wanted to transfer the money she’d borrowed from Rainbow to her, but Rainbow told her she wouldn’t have it that way.  Rainbow hoped that after the outbreaks are over, Lulu can ask her out for a meal, to make up for the money for the cab fare she’d loaned to her, which would then, give her the opportunity to treat her out the next time, then, it will help steady their friendship then.

As Rainbow was contemplating how they could hang out in the future in an amusement park later, her delivery arrived.  Opened up the door, just so happened that Lulu was the delivery person.

“Wow, such a coincidence!  I have the three-hundred dollars on me, wait, let me sanitize the bills with the alcohol spray for you!”, stated Lulu.

And, Rainbow’s plans of her getting Lulu to go out on a date with her, bust.

It should be best, to naturally, make friends, Rainbow!

And so, this still showed, how plans can get interrupted by fate, like how this individual had it all planned out, and then, fate stepped in, smashed her plans, and, because she’s way too shy to ask the person she liked if he wanted to hang out, she’d, lost her chances.

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Filed under Fate, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life

The Greetings from the Children, it’s the Invitations of Their, Trust

The kid: why should I say hello?  The adults: because WE say so!!!  And that, is the wrong way, to socialize your children!  Translated…

During the New Year’s, a group of relatives gathered, in my memories, I’d always, become, fearful and nervous over this.  As a young girl, I didn’t take to strangers, and hated the loudness, and, as the adults started showing me too much attention, it’d, made me feel, uncomfortable.

The elders who’d come to visit, they’re all, mostly, strangers to me, and whilst I was still, in a daze, my father would pull me over, and urged me, “say hi to your elders”.  And yet, before I could react to the atmosphere that’s, gaining the momentum, couldn’t catch up to the paces of how my father and the adults were interacting, I’d gotten their words of displease.

I was too young to tell the adults, and can only, keep everything I feel inside, allowing it to accumulate, and, “greeting others”, “saying hi” became dreadful, instead of something I enjoyed doing, but “something I had to do!”

Time flew, I’d become, an “aunt”, and I’d found, that I was, really sensitive, like those adults were in my childhood, when the children didn’t greet me.  I’d found, that accumulated over the years anger, displease, upset, with the endless questioning of why when the adults tell us to, we need to do it, and now, their grandkids didn’t have to greet me, and they’d not, gotten, scolded, and were, tolerated?

查看來源圖片
a child who’s shy around strangers…this would be, difficult for them to cope, having them greet your adult friends and distant relatives…photo from online

Time is a good medicine, made our life experience, into wisdom.  I’d started to understand, that the older generations may carry with them that sense of lack of security, and needed to gain their sense of self-worth, sense of authority from without, and used “being greeted”, to satisfy their own needs of, being noted as someone worthy or important.  In the past when I was too young to differentiate, I’d taken it as my responsibilities, the adults’ demands of me, and became, too tried, and filled with anger.  And, as the adults felt upset because I didn’t greet them, it’s their emotions, while my choice related to, “What sort of a person do I choose to be”, finally, I’d, separated the responsibilities now, severed it off, I’d no longer, needed to, be responsible for the other individuals’ feelings, only responsible for my own behaviors, and feelings.

On that day, my younger cousin whom I don’t interact with regularly took his children, boys of age four and six to my house to visit, they’d, stared at me.  My cousin didn’t tell them who I am, nor demanded that they greet me.  I knew, that the kids weren’t familiar with me, that there’s no need to force them to connect.  I’d, called out to them, introduced myself to them as their aunt, continued holding conversations with them, when they got sidetracked and not eaten their meals like they should, I’d, gotten their attention back, and learned that it was my four-year-old nephew’s birthday on the day.

I’d told him, “happy birthday, finish your lunch first, I’ll give you a pudding for your birthday!”, then the child let his guards down, finished up the meal, my six-year-old nephew searched for me, and called out to me, “Aunty, do you want to play the storytelling board games later with us?”, and, I’d spent an afternoon of time in board games with my younger cousin and his family.  As the kids left, they’d not wanted to leave, and, eagerly made a date for our next, game date.

illustration from UDN.com

圖╱Betty est Partout

The kids are so straightforward, son naïve, and the adults needed to, let go of their hearts first, to learn to show cares and concerns toward the children first, to warm up with each other, and, as the emotions became, connected, the kids will trust you, and naturally, they would, interact with you more, and accept you, into their, worlds.

“Greeting”, is no longer something we must do on the holidays, with a little more thought, giving each other a little extra time, it can bring the joys of connections between people, and, what greater joys there are, than when a kid invites you to play the next time?

And so, this adult had, gained the awareness of what she’d hated of what her adult counterparts made her do, to greet everybody who came to the house, and, upon realizing, she’d, not demanded her own nephews to greet her, and this made them more comfortable, and they’d, connected to her more easily, and once the ice was broken, everything flowed, smoothly.

This still just showed, how you parents, should NOT MAKE us, your children greet those adults who are unknown to us, who are, YOUR friends or relatives!

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Interpersonal Relations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Socialization

The Courage, to Face up to Being Bullied

How the adults’ attitudes are what helped this girl, dealt effectively, with the bullies that picked on her in school, the importance, of providing a safe environment that a child feels comfort enough, to tell the adults, translated…

In the meetings, my phone vibrated a couple of times, I saw, using my peripheral vision, that it was from my daughter’s school teacher, with an unsettled heart, I’d found me an excuse, rushed off to the restrooms, clicked open the screen, the photo of my daughter’s glasses being, damaged popped up, in the message, her teacher told, that the two boys from the next classroom thought that my daughter was, horseplaying with them, pinned her to the ground, and scratched her glasses.  I was glad that my daughter wasn’t, physically, injured, but I’d, questioned the teacher’s description of the events, I’d thanked her notifying me first, as for how we’re to, handle the matter, I shall wait until I get off work, and go home to my daughter to discuss with her on it.

like this???

查看來源圖片
taking the smaller child’s lunch money! Photo from online

And yet, my daughter’s telling me of what had happened, thrilled me!  She said she was playing in the track field, the two boys came up to her, without any warnings, they’d, pinned down her shoulders, and, as she tried to break away from them, they’d, pushed her face to the pavement together, and they’d not mentioned that they wanted to play with her from the start, they’re not even her friends, one only took the afterschool help classes with her, the other, a complete, stranger.

From what my daughter had, described, I saw NO signs of friendly interactions, nor was this, some, careless, mistake, this is, a conscious, banding together, picking one someone lesser sort of, bullying someone for the kicks of it.  I was really angry and upset now, my emotions went up and down, she is only, in the first grade of the elementary years!  Then?  I’d asked my daughter if she were hurt, and did she cry?  Was she angry, was she, afraid?

She’d shook her head steadily, she said, that although she couldn’t, beat those two boys, but she’d, remembered their appearances, and, as she returned back to class, she’d, checked to see if her glasses are all right.  I patted her head, felt that she was, brave, and smart, and am, deeply, proud of her. I’m glad, that this incident didn’t cause any bad things to stay with her in life, but I’d, felt, deeply—maybe, I wouldn’t want to, believe, that children that young are with, malice, or maybe, I’m, affected by the eastern values of, the desires of, keeping the peace, how many incidents of bullying, actually, got misinterpreted as, horseplay?  Because of a naughty temperament, because of lacking of awareness and not knowing better, because of some, misunderstanding, because of, not being, careful, enough…………we’d, given an assortments of getting off easy for the bullies, like how in Harry Potter, all the characters, dodged the topic, the name of, Voldemort, they’d, dodged the word, “bullies” and “bullying” too.  Not realizing, that the unwillingness, to face up, to what’s happening, bullying, it’s harder, to resolve the incidents of, bullying.

illustration from UDN.com

圖/Dofa
how the child feels isolated and alone being bullied…

As I’d discussed the matter with my daughter, she’d, decided, to forgive the two classmate who’d, picked on her, and I’d, supported her decision.  I’d thanked her teacher, for making her feel safe and secure, for her, to go straight to her, as the incident was, occurring.  And I’m too grateful for her teacher for believing in my daughter, for being, supportive of her, to protect her.  But what I’d, hoped more is, from the school and the family angles, we can all, get the courage to, face up to the bullies, because, only when we’re, willing to face up to the events, then, we will be able to, sort through it, bit by bit, and let it go.

And so, this, is the importance of the attitudes of the adults, when cases of bullying is occurring in a child’s life, the daughter of the writer is being bullied by the boys, and, she’d, told her teacher, and her teacher had, been there, supporting the girl, giving her that safe place to go to, and the child was, intelligent enough, to note the boys’ names, and told the teacher afterwards.

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Filed under Abuse, Bullying, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Physical Bullying, Properties of Life, Values