Category Archives: Parent-Child Interactions

He & His Champion Daughter

The love unspoken, but expressed in all other ways, between this daughter toward her father, translated…

That day, I’d prepared my father’s supper for him, he’d blurted out, “I feel so blessed, to have you as my daughter!  My daughter really treats me, wonderfully!”  and his demeanor didn’t sound like the joking he’d used many a year on end, nor was it an exaggerated sort of encouragement, it was more like the tip of the ball-point pen, on paper, and the ink just, seeped out, naturally., then, slowly, spreading out.

I’d pretended I’d not heard him, focused on setting the table, and, turned on the fifty-fourth episode of the Ancient Chinese soap, so the old man who’s closing in on seventy can, get into, the Ching Dynasty immediately, and, that was, that.

In the deep on the nights, the words of my father, caused me to toss and turn.

Was this the very first time he’d given me words of praise?  Yes, and no.  I’d longed for his approval since I was growing up, so I’d worked my best, to be, a perfect child in his eyes, got into N.T.U., applied for my graduate studies abroad, entered into the field of, finance…….and of course, my father gave me the accolades, affirmed my hard work, but for a daughter, those words of praises, were too, superficial, his alternative motive was the core of it all: be a good daughter.

illustration from UDN.com

And yet, in this, historical moment, I’d not taken my father’s hand in mine, or like a three-year-old, rammed into his arms, not even, a smile.  Toward his thoughtfulness, his daughter, no responses, instead, I’d, tried to, escape it, I’d recalled the term, “phony syndrome”, was it that in my, subconscious, I’d still felt, not quite deserving of, his praises yet?

After my mother passed, every year I’d taken my father abroad on trips, the U.S., India , New Zealand…….I’d set up the itineraries.  I’d even bought him a business class airfare on the trip to the U.S., took him to the N.B.A. draft-pick games; he’d still chimed on to his friends, how Mitchell can really, jump high, but I couldn’t, recall a single name from the players’ group.  My father’s photography skills are, way inferior than my mom’s, loving the beautiful photos, I’d given up and, turned all of the photos with me in it on that trip, as accidental gains, and just, focused on taking shots of my father, which became a bragging right for him in his group of elders.

During the time of the outbreak, I’d cooked for my father every single day, not too greasy, clean, and sanitary, and reduced his going outside, to avoid contraction; every time mealtime rolled around, the foods would be served on the table, and I’d, tried encouraging him to wash his hands more often.  And whenever we had our differences of opinions, I’d, found that hideout in my room, to try to come up with ways, to break the ice with him, and, asked my husband how my father-in-law’s frames of mind worked to use as a model; in his capableness, I’d set up the electronic devices for him, wrote down the steps to use them, hoping that he could, be comfortable at home, and forget about the inconvenience that the pandemic had, caused in his, life.

The habits formed in fourteen days, and my father, is man too.

I’d not thought about getting any praises from him, because this, is my duty to him as his daughter, but, those behaviors, not for short-term, maybe, it’d spanned across the decades of our, lives, surpassing the few months’ of the pandemic growing. 

I’m no imposter, I’m, definitely, his offspring.

I would NOT ask him, the words he’d blurted out that evening, was it intentional, or was it, long-time-coming, nor would I have the courage to apologize, and, that “good daughter”, had used her silence, and the lack of expressions on her face, to respond to the applauses she’d been hoping to get for more than thirty years on end.  Even as I penned this article down, my fingers are, tingling from the nerves.  Thankfully, I have his blood that flows through me, this is definite, believing, that so long as I have the time to be with him, if he stays healthy, this would be, a perfect love we will have, to share.

And, this is the love of a daughter for her father, and, maybe she may not blurt the word I love you out loud, but, her actions showed how much she’d cared, and loved her father, and I’m more than certain, that her father feels her love too.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Kindness Shown, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Properties of Life

Heading Off to Work Together

The children all, moving back in, during the times of the pandemic, to work for the family business, and, you got your loved ones, by your side, there’s nothing more wonderful than that!  Translated…

Since Mr. Chen moved into the neighborhood, at 7:30 in the morn, the rustling of noises came from his yard, the family of five started, chitter chatter, can’t make out what they’re saying, but it’d felt, very, heartwarming; a bit later, the car started, Mr. Chen is off to work with his children, leaving Mrs. Chen at home, then, the alley turned, silent, once more.  Seeing how the family go everywhere together, how they can, take care of one another, and it saves on the gas too.

Once I was hanging out the laundry, I’d bumped into Mrs. Chen who was also busying about on her own balcony, we’d started up conversations, I’d commended how her family got along well, how the children worked together with their father to make the company work, that there would be no trouble for the passing of the torch.  She’d told me, that things aren’t as they appeared on the outside, “actually, because of the pandemic for the past three years, the company received less and less order slips, and the outlooks of my children’s jobs, also, affected, that is what’s happened in my home, my children had all returned back to the nest, and we are all, making life work together.”

like this!

photo from online

Or maybe, they think, that this sudden change messed up their work and plans of life, I’d felt, that this may be, a blessing in disguise, in the unpredicted era of the pandemic, it’s the families’ wishes that they’re all, living together.

Every weekend now, Mrs. Chen always busied in and out, early in the morn, she’d ridden her scooter to the marketplace to shop.  Close to noontime, there came, the cooking ventilation, the sound of the iron spatula against the wok, with the aromatic foods being cooked, it’d made me hungry too, and, the smell of the foods next door, overpowered my steamed vegetables, and, as I’d, plated my cooking, I’d taken a whiff, it’d felt, that my foods, smelled, better, my husband thought that I’d, improved my, cooking skills.

Turns out, that their company isn’t shipping every day in a rush, their days are, easier, and Mr. Chen would take his parents over to their home to spend the weekends.  It’s a wonder, that I would, hear the noises of people coming from the cracks of the window, and, their laughter, animated our quiet alley, made it sound like the celebrations of the New Year coming early, how wonderful!

Today, I saw from my window, the eldest daughter of the family, smiling, getting into the driver’s side, the son on the passenger, and the youngest daughter, with Mr. Chen on her arms, laughing and talking, got in the, back, I’d watched them off to work, and, whispered my blessings to them.  There are the gains in the losses, don’t feel bad for the loss, and, do hooray for what you’d gained; especially in the matter of family, because that is, something, priceless, the best time you have to share with those whom you love dearly.

And so, this, is on how simple happiness can be, how easy it is, that we often, forget, what is, important in our lives, our own loved ones, and, this is especially noted, in times of the pandemic, with a lot of people still, dying each and every day, that makes us want to, hold those whom we love, close.

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Filed under Family Matters, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Mom, Don’t Cry

The realizations of how our parents aren’t all, capable, able-bodied, that they’re now, in need of us, like we needed them when we were, little…translated…

Can’t Believe that the Words of Concern, Got My Mother to Tear Up………

In the Few Days of Companionship, I’d Started Losing My Patience Slowly

It was during winter vacation of my college year, I’d carried my heavy bags, gone back home to Changwha from Taipei.  During the daytime, I’d helped out with my family’s business, as night comes, I’d gotten online, and started playing the online games, killing my classmates virtually, while my mother, she’d always worked until at least ten at night before she comes home.

One evening, she’d asked me to help her make a presentation.  And because making a PowerPoint presentation is like sleep to a college student, I’d inquired about who she was delivering the presentation to?  And, that was when she’d told me, that she was to share the topics on human resources and management; but, my mother is of a nursing background, this was a field that’s too unfamiliar to her.  I’d taken psychology courses from school, and I’d known a bit about human resources management, but hadn’t gotten too deep into the area, and I can only give my mother some advice, based off of what I’d learned.

Because she was not familiar with the field of human resources, my mother, every evening after work, to the entire weekend, would think about how she was going to do the presentation.  As her “advising consultant”, I’d sat with her at the supper table from ten to twelve, brain stormed with her how she was to set up the presentation, what she was going to say.  But, then I would have to give up the time I would be spending with my classmates on the online games.  And so, after a few days of sitting with her, I’d slowly lost my, patience.  In the conversations, I’d acted, impatient.  She’d found that I looked tired, told me, “you go and rest now, I’ll finish the rest myself”.  Then I’d, quickly, made my way into my bedroom, and started, getting energetic in battle with my classmates in our online gaming sessions.

I’d Held Back, Fearing, that I will Sink, in the Quicksand of Her, Emotions as Well

On the morn when my mother was about to deliver her presentation, I’d given her a verbal encouragement, she’d smiled and told me thanks.  In the evenings, it wasn’t quite like her, she’d not come to meet up with us for supper after her presentation, but headed straight home to rest.

As I got home, she’d, dragged her tired body, come out of her room, I’d asked excitedly, “how did your presentation go?”, and, these words of my care and concern, caused her to cry like hell.  I was so flustered, not known what to do, thought that it was something I’d said that’s upset her, I’d immediately pulled her to the couch, sat her down, patted her back, wanted to help her feel better.

“I’d used too much ancient text on the presentation today, and my coworkers mocked that they were in a Chinese class.  I’m so tired, just, too tired.”  She kept pulling out the Kleenex, wiped her face that’s covered in tears and snot.  At this time, she’d become like a big baby, kept demeaning herself.  I’d told her, “You’d worked very hard in this, you’d worried how to do this well every single day, it’s just, that neither one of us has the expertise in this particular subject, it’s an opportunity for us to learn!”  thinking to these few days, how I’d, become upset, annoyed at my mother’s asking me for help, my tears of regret overflowed.  I’d held back my own emotions, worried that I might get stuck in the muck of her sorrows, that I wouldn’t be able to, help pull her out.

illustration from UDN.com

At this time, the Baqua Mountain was hosting its Moon Shadow Lantern Festivals, I’d asked if she wanted to take the trip, she’d rubbed her puffy eyes, nodded lightly.  The multi-colored lanterns illuminated that light of warmth at Baqua Mountain, I took her hand, and strolled in the bridge in mid-air, suddenly, I’d recalled my childhood, that my mother took my hand just like so, as she’d taught me to walk, how she’d, stayed close as I grew up; and I’m grown, and my mother’s, aging now.

It’d only been a little over a decade’s time, slowly, I’d come to realize, that my mother now needed me to look after her.  I’d clenched onto my mother’s hand tighter, worried that as I returned back to Taipei to live, I would have even less time to be with her, don’t know when I will have the chances, to take her hand in mine like this.  This presentation of hers, it’d made me realized, that no matter how strong my mother presented herself is, there are the moments that she’d needed a shoulder to lean on too.  In the past, she’d, sheltered me with her wings, and now, it will be my turn, to help her tackle everything that comes in her life as she grows older.

And so, this, is the daughter’s heart, as she’d learned, that her mother isn’t all-capable, it’s just, that in raising her up, her mother never showed any weakness, and, the presentation she’d helped her mother made, made her, realized, that her mother needed her beside her.

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Filed under Awareness, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Wake Up Calls

The Purposes of the Extracurricular Courses, Getting My Child to Explore Her Interest Profiles

How the parents “groomed” their young offspring, to prepare him to ready to take over the business, with a total disregard of the child’s interest profiles, and this is just, AWFUL, for this kid, and the parent is, really B-A-D too, pushing his own young, to ready him to take over the family business!  Translated…

My husband’s best friend, S is a businessman, he’d jam-packed his schedules, lived and worked, with a business suit on him, drove the imported vehicles to the business meetings, the wages he’d brought in, is probably, multiples from the total my husband and I are, making.  S and his wife has a pair of daughters, we’d gone out on family dates with our children outdoors or to travel; the children who are around the same ages, busied themselves in play, while the adults, we’d, shared the ups and downs of work, and of raising our own children.

One day, S went to a mechanic close to our home to get a tune-up, and asked my husband out for coffee, and my husband took our four-year-old out with him, as the fathers are conversing, my son busied himself with the blocks, S started commending my husband for how focused our son was, and how he was able to, stay at a task a long time, then, started ranting on how his own wife signed their son up for many of the toddler classes, as she saw the recommendations of the classes for young children online, she’d rushed to sign him up.  Recently, Mrs. S took their daughter to the classes on “knowing how to manage our emotions”, and “dessert making” courses, and on the weekends, they’d went out, and it’d made him confused, and he’d felt, helpless of the situation.

As my husband mentioned this to me, I’d first felt, that Mrs. S was taxing herself out, and couldn’t understand why she was doing that, and I wasn’t at a place to comment on the matter, but I’d wondered, what, does S, a father believe, to be classes fitting for his own young?  Turns out, that S found the values of a friend who’d owned a family business, who’d made his own son stay by him at the office, to watch how the adult operated the things, to talk about managing the company with him, learn the lessons in managing a business with the adult, from a young age, the child got a first-hand experience in internship, to know what’s going on in the business.

illustration from UDN.com

S believed, that this, was what his own son should be learning, that the rest is, pointless, there’s no need to spend any extra money on the other courses, or to take up the talents of music, or art, or dance, etc., etc.

As my husband finished telling me, I’d felt that chill inside my mind, is what they’re learning useless or not, such a heavy subject!  Thinking about it, I am, a mom who’d, “made” my children take a ton of “useless” classes too then.  Recalling, I’d taken my daughter to dance lessons, piano, performance art, sports, to the concerts, and from time to time, we’d signed up for the pottery courses too; from when she started speaking, and can express herself, we’d started, discovering the activities that she was into, that she didn’t, object in doing.

This summer, I’d signed us up for astronomy camp, it’d started up her interest in the Greek myths of the constellations, and the locations of the constellations, we’d gone to the library, checked out a series of books on the mythologies, and astronomy too, to help her answer the inquiries about the subject of astronomy that I’m no expert in.

On the weekends, my daughter would play the music of Chopin or Vivaldi that she wanted to listen to; as the exams ended at school, she would make a wish to go see the performances of drama groups, or to sign up for a arts-and-crafts course, or maybe, this is how, at her young age, she finds relaxation from.

Looking back at all of these, I’d asked: then, how do I feel about all of these?  Using my favorite writer, Lee’s words, “Arts is the attempts of humans in communication with God, in the vast openness of nature, the darkened streets at night, a home for those souls wandering lost.  It’s a realm of freedom, the planet that’s surrounded by the oceans, are all of us, humans, created, equal.”

I’d never considered, “if it’s useful” to choose for my children, their extracurricular activities.  If in the world of adults, we’d need coffee to help reduce the annoyances of work, and needed a bit of alcohol, when we hit the troughs in our lives; then, for the kids, the music, the stories, the pictures, the pottery, the outdoors activities, we’d exposed them to, in the process of their getting into the activities, they are being, inspired, moved, and led, this is, paving that invisible path in my daughter’s life, to help her tap into the activities to busy herself with when in the future, she feels alone, or bored—or to exercise until she’s completely drained, then return back to her work post, refreshed; or to rush to a concert, a play, and after a good cry, she will know, that she’d understood other own life, a little more than before.

This was the openness she will have in her life, like how Lee told try to communicate with the heavens up above, or with ourselves, to start off a conversation that leads us into the unknowns, no matter who you may be, this process of introspection, of self-discovery, is equal and free.  That, is what I, believe, it’s what as a mother, I want to, instill, into my own daughter’s, life.

Everything we discovered, may be useless, it just makes her, happy.  But, happiness, is quite, useful, in the, grander scheme of, life.

And so, here, we have two sets of parents, one who gets his own young into the programs that he believes will be useful for his own young son’s future (hello, hello, hello???  He’s just a K-I-D!!!), and every step the father planned out for his son, was “grooming” him to take over the company, with a total DISREGARD of how his own young may NOT be interested in his own field of work.

Then, there’s the mother of the friend of this man, who’d exposed her own young to a ton of varied activities, as the kid hadn’t shown any specific interests yet, and this other young girl, has a fuller spectrum of experiences of variety of activities than the son of the hotshot businessman!

Whose child would you want to be?

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Childhood, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, The Education of Children

Let’s All Take that Step Back

You need to be rational first, in order, to have children who are, reasonable, and learn to introspect on their, own, because children will, follow the adults’, leads in modeling behavior!  Translated…

I am not an authoritarian mother, as my kids started knowing, I’d loved communicating with them, listening to their, thoughts, tried to find that balance between the expectations of them as parents, and the reality.  But, being human, as the problems of educating my young comes up, when life gets to me, I’d had to, tried to work hard to maintain my calm, by deep breathing, and I’d still, lost control from time to time.  I’d once discussed with my three kids, told them flat out: mommy’s human too, and there would be times I’d felt like I couldn’t, handle it; as mommy snaps, started screaming and losing control, what followed was the self-blames, I shouldn’t have lost it, and the regrets, it’d not, felt good at all.

And, as the kids are raised in this sort of an environment, they’d started understanding, that showing their bad moods don’t solve anything, and most of the times, when they had conflicts with one another, they’d, communicate, and tried working it out.

like this…communicating with your young children regularly…photo from online

One day, after a day’s worth of hard work, I got upset, due to some of their, bad habits, and in just a few short seconds I’d, regained my, calm, I’d immediately, zipped up, became, quiet.  My eight-year-old youngest son came quickly, gave me a hug, told me, “mom, don’t be angry, or, you’ll, blame yourself again……let’s, both take a step back each, you don’t get angry, and we promise, we will, change, okay?”, then suddenly, his words, “let’s both take a step back each”, touched me.  My son is still quite young, but recalled what I’d, shared with them.  He’d not wanted to see me trapped again, in the mud and the muck of regret, he’d come to remind me, and, went a step further, promised that he’ll, change, I was very moved, and gave him thumbs up for his trying to communicate, and find the means to solve the problems.

I shall, take my kids, in continuing to learn to accept our, emotions, learn to use a more effectively way, language, to not allow the emotions to take me over, to affect the love we share as a family.

And so, because this mom is usually in control of her emotions, and she’d, lost it once, and her kids checked with themselves, because their mom rarely loses it, and, they’d known what they’d done to upset her, and, apologized, and this made the mother realized, that she was, the example her son modeled after, and, she should keep her emotions in check, even if she’d lost it, every now and then.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

A Mom Who’s Unlike a Mom

How the daughter became, more like a mother, to her own mother, and they’re, learning from each other by the day, growing “up” together, translated…

“Teacher says we should NOT throw the trash everywhere!” I continued to get corrected by my third-grade daughter on the back of my scooter; “and you’re riding way too fast, it’s too dangerous!”, got corrected by her, although, the shame made my face turned red, but I’m somewhat pleased too, asked, “why can’t I litter and speed?”, she’d started telling of the importance of the keeping the living environment clean, and road safety, being the common responsibilities shared by everybody in the community, actually, I’d not focused on listening to her rant, but I felt glad, that my bad example had, turned into an opportunity for her to, “educate” me.

In the era where the net cafés are all over, I’d wanted to know why the adolescents get sucked in, and invited my middle school age daughter to come with me to experience; but, this young lady straightened her face, told me, that the people aren’t of the good sorts, that there may be “drugs” hidden there, that I may get lured in by the sound, the lights, and the smokes that I might get addicted, that I should be a better role model, because I’m the adult………hearing how self-righteous she’d become, I’d not worried at all, that she might be swayed by the, bad influences now.

more like best friends! Photo from online

In the teens, we may get the feelings of love, of relationship, I’d encouraged my daughter to make more friends who are guys, to get to understand the logics, the thoughts, the views of the opposite sex, I’d even asked her frequently, if she’d met a buddy-buddy kind of boyfriend?  And seeing how I’d gone from excited to, disappointment each and every time, she’d told me, that all her classmates’ parents banned them from dating, and I’d taught her to distract herself with romance, that I was, a, weird, mom.

I didn’t want her to go to cram school, told her to not study that hard, to spend more mind on learning the skills she will find more useful to live on, and to learn the right ways to interact with others, encouraged her own going all out in play in the major exams, to play only a little when she only had quizzes to take, and, play even harder when there are no tests, that way, she can get, fully, relaxed.  Once she’d dropped from first in class to third, I’d taken her out to celebrate, because that way, she now has room for improvement; she was upset of how she’d dropped three places, and felt helpless over how I could, care less about her grades.

I’d treated my only daughter as a friend I’m growing up with, I’d cherished her companionship, other than being my “traffic light”, reminding me to do this, to do that, how I shouldn’t do this or that, I’d often asked her to chase after the movie stars, the singers, to play, to shop.  She has a unique sense of beauty, became my attire consultant, the coach to help me with my work presentation, and I’d even consulted her on how to set up my social networking accounts too, so we talk about everything, there’s no I’m the parent, you should respect me.

Children are our, mirrors, reflecting the actions, the words of us, parents, she’d often made me realized that I was still being impacted by my own childhood upbringing, that I sometimes, get stuck on needed the affirmations of others around me; I’d also found on her, that we would learn, make mistakes, fail, and acquire the abilities to think independently of others, to judge for ourselves.

I don’t need to be perfect, I’m worthy of love, I can, become, the most real version of my own, self, instead of getting trapped in the role of “the ideal mom” role that I’d forced myself, to play all the time.

And so, in this mother-daughter relationship, the daughter became like a mother to the mother, and, the mother, a daughter, and this was still due to the upbringing of the adult, and this woman is lucky, that her daughter was willing and able, to put up with her childish ways, to help her mom grow up, into, a complete being, while she’s already an old soul herself already.

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Let’s Go Already!

The man who found that lost child back, only for, a tiny moment, in this interaction he’d shared, with his own, young son, as they went shopping at a, toy store, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

As we grew older, would we become, more and more, calloused toward the world, or are we, more and more, passionate, about things?

I took my child out, he’d misbehaved before we went, I’d nagged him.  As we stopped at a red light, my wife saw that look of disappointment on my son, she’d told him, “you’re actually, a wonderful child, you’re just, not in a, good mood today.”, I’d, immediately chimed in, turned my head from the driver’s side to him, poured my heart out, “yeah, every night as I lay down with you to sleep, patting your head, holding your hand in mine, I feel your, kindness……………”

He’d interrupted me, pointed to the lights which already turned green, started, plainly, “You can go now!”

My son, way cooler than I!

As we grew older, we became, less expressive.  Because we’d, encountered everything, nothing can, surprise us anymore.  Toward the things that are happening all around, we’d accepted them as they are.  As awful things happen to us, we still get beaten down, but we’re able to recover quickly.  We still feel upset from time to time, it’s just, that the time we take to recover from these instances are, shorter, the way we viewed the world became from a bird’s eye view, instead of, from the narrower perspective.

A lot of people stopped socializing as they’re older, because they’d become, disinterested in the “traffic on the roads”.  Reducing the interactions, not encountering the good things, or the bad, we won’t get helped by others, nor would we be hurt, by someone.  Even those best friends we held dear once, became, friends who don’t contact one another as often anymore.  And surely, enough, this, eliminated our chances of, expressing our, emotions then.

child, leading the parent, to rediscover the wonders of, childhood…photo from online

But, as we grew older, we are easily, taken to the fact of just how, tiny we are in the world, how fragile man, can be, that we are, in need of, even MORE emotional support from around us.  So, where do these supports we need come from?  Mostly, from nature, pets, and, children too.

Going into nature, we would be moved by the sun rising, the sun setting, the floating along of clouds in the skies.  With a pet, in bathing it and getting it dried off, we’d felt, accomplished.  Holding our young, we would feel incredible, how these, tiny beings can be smiling at one second, and in tears, the next.  The adults, no matter how cold, before nature, pets, and children will turn, emotional, and willing to, turn on the switch, that allowed our tears to, fall.

Why is it, that we’re all, strong, tough, unemotional, presenting that tougher front in the world, while as we turned our backs, we’d all become, crybabies?

Because, the commonalities that nature, pets, and children shared, they’re all real, genuine, straightforward, unpredictable, living in the now, closest, to the essence of, life.

During the first half of our lives, we’d worked hard in “decorations”: prettying our education degrees, our work experiences, our, finances, our influences on the world.  Doing a lot of things, for the purpose of, achieving something entirely, unrelated and totally, different.

As we entered into the bottom half of our lives, we’d come to know, that we have limited time left, we’d, spent time on our own, “essence” then: the growing old, getting sick and dying, the losses from the experiences of death, the simple joys and the beauties, the depth of pain, of, loneliness.  A lot of the things we do now, are the goals.  Hiking up that trail, not for the sake, of making it to the top, but for the sake of, simply, hiking.

Nature, pets, children, none of these are, “decorated”, they can’t help us attain some other goals, and so, before them, we don’t consider the thoughts of winning or losing.  The day following my son’s telling me, “let’s go already”, he’d clung onto me tight due to separation anxiety.  And I’d, held him tightly too.  The coolness he had from the day before, turned into, cry instantly.  I’d, embraced him in my arms tight, believing, that this physical contact that we were sharing, goes beyond any and everything abstract I can ever, know.  At that precise moment, my son and I, are living, in our own, “essence”.

He’d pointed to the green light up ahead, told me, “Time to go already!”, I continued driving, to the, toy store.  In the shop, he’d turned into, this, foolish kid from the cool dude in the car.  Kissed every single stuffed toy through his mask, and, as he got into playing with everything, his lunch got, delayed.

“Can we go now?”, I’d, inquired.  He couldn’t let go of that koala bear, and became bashful of taking too much time, “okay, we can, go now!”

And, this is the lesson learned in the interaction with his own young son, for that moment in time, his son helped him gain his eyes of a child back, and he’d, started, looking at things around him, like a child would, without all the, calculations, all the filters, and he was able to, return himself, back to, his own, innocence.

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My Father’s Watch

The values that’s, assigned to your father’s, favorite, watch, based off of how he’d, lived his, life, that you now, carried forth…translated…

My father was almost, completely, blind before he passed, and that’s why he’d, placed his cherished pocket watch into the drawers, and never took it back out again.  I remembered this watch very clearly, when I was young, when my father came home, he would, carefully, take the watch off his wrist, then, wash his hands thoroughly, then, put the watch back on.  Sometimes, the watch had, slipped into the sink, and the surfaces scratched up, and he’d, felt really bad over it.

On this day, my mother found his watch.  It was, in the original box with the warranty papers, like how he’d taught me to write, each stroke is perfectly written, easy to read.  As my mother sent me the photo of his watch, I’d smiled, that was, his style all right, even as he’d become, visually, impaired toward the end, he still, kept his collected items, very neat.

an heirloom, like this!

photo from online

My father’s watch was very unique, as when I was still wearing the electronic watches, I’d watched that watch of his, with the second hand keep on ticking away, not at all resembling the sound of the second hand on the clocks; and, although he’d not worn it long, as I’d, shaken the watch a bit, the second hand started, going around again, just like him, he’d been gone a very long time, but whenever I’d recalled him, saw his belongings, he’d, surfaced, back up into my mind again.

I’d decided to take my father’s watch to the U.S. with me, and wear it often like the ad of the watch: Generations to Generations, passing it on, like an heirloom of, sorts.

Those who put this watch on, will keep on, walking on, they will keep on, working hard, dressing well enough, doing the things delegated to them, correctly.

So, it’s the values you’d, associated with this watch of your father’s, that you took, not just the watch, as the mementos of what he’d, left behind for you, and, it’s interesting, how things have that value assigned to them, that gets, passed from one generation to the next.

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Filed under Family Matters, Life, Memories Shared, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Things Left Behind, Values

Expanding the Conversations Beyond “Had You Eaten Yet?”

How the grandparents found ways into interacting with their grandchild, using HIS, interest profile, translated…

One day last week after supper, my third-grade grandson, Cheng-Cheng brought a three-by-three Rubik’s cube to show me, said that he’d been playing, that after he’d mixed up the colors, it takes him about forty seconds to put the same colors all on the sides, I’d commended him on how amazing he was, and asked him if he could also teach grandma to do it too?  He’d told me sure, then, asked me for a pen and paper, and started dictating to me the steps to solve the Rubik’s Cube, with the notes written for me.

Holy, I don’t even know what a Rubik’s Cube was until this day, plus, the nine-year-old child’s lacking in the means to teach well, my head started, swelling up.  But in this process of him teaching me, I’d found, that he was, so very, patient, as I’d asked him questions, he’d repeatedly shown me how, until his dad upstairs called him up to take a bath, Cheng-Cheng still didn’t want to go yet, because, he’d not yet taught me how to solve the third layer of the Rubik’s Cube yet.

I’d told him, the lesson can’t be finished today, we do it another day!  Rushed him to go upstairs to take a bath, then to bed.  As he got upstairs, he’d immediately LINED me: “If you have any questions, line me anytime.”  So, my young grandson was really into, training me to solve the Rubik’s Cube.

After lunch the following day, Cheng-Cheng was responsible, coming over to continue teaching me from yesterday, I’d told him “Cheng-Cheng, I went shopping for the groceries, I didn’t find the time to digest what you’d taught me from yesterday, and I’m sorting through the produces I got today right now, I don’t have the time here, we shall begin again, tomorrow then!”

And, to make sure that I understand what my grandson was talking about the following day, I’d, found the videos on the Rubik’s Cubes that night, with Cheng-Cheng’s beginners’ lessons, I’d, immediately, finished the Rubik’s cube.  Yay, great!

But the following morn, I’d still decided to let him teach me, to make him feel, that he’d, taught his grandma how to solve the Rubik’s cube, that way, it would, please him more?

Still recalled how when he’d started playing go, he’d often bugged the two of us to play with him, we didn’t know a thing about go, and so, we’d, immediately started flipping through the volumes, and we’d also, found the videos on how to play online, then, we’d started, getting it.  Although, playing with him, who’d won the young champion trophies, we’d felt like we were, slaughtered, but, winning and losing isn’t our, focus, we just want to, have more opportunities to interact with our grandson.

And so, as he’d asked us to accompany him to play the piano, to play soccer, badminton…………we were, both, very happy to oblige.  Getting involved in what he’s into, hoping we could, increase the chances of interactions with him, to have common conversation topics, because I do NOT want our conversations to get reduced to, “have you eaten today yet?”

And so, this is how this young grandchild, got his grandparents active in learning new things, because they want to interact with him at his level, and seeing how diverse the child’s interests are, that’s why, the elders had, upped their abilities to learn things.

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Filed under Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Obstacles in a Relationship, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Who’s Coming to Lunch

The kindness shown, by this young mother, toward a complete stranger, teaching her own young daughter the lessons of how important it is, to care about the world around them, translated…

After the Great Heat, the temperatures continued to rise, the entire island became, baked, I was so hot in the kitchen, I had to, desert my cookware, to escape the battlefields.  This was so totally different than that freeze frame of the three-generations sitting together, with the younger mom, and young child, dressed up to the nines, the elderly woman, in her, floral printed cloth shirt, with the old flipflops.  “The stingy daughter abusing the mom?”  “Troubles between the mother and daughter-in-law?  Intentionally, given her a lesson?” don’t know why, my mind started, running through all the possibilities then.

As they ate, they’d rarely exchanged any words at all.  Are they, following that rule of: silence is golden?  Or, are they, following the etiquettes of eating, don’t talk with your mouth full?  The mother, watched over that young girl, patted her face, wiped her mouth away, with gentle love and care, but to the elder, there’s, the repeated, “don’t hurry, eat it slowly.”  As the steaks were served, the mother cut it up into smaller bits and pieces, pushed it to the elderly woman, told her, to eat it, slowly, to chew it down completely, and yet, there’s, that coldness of tone of voice, and we can’t feel any of the heart of a daughter that’s, well rounded enough at all.

kindness towards, someone who’s in, need

photo from online

But, the elderly woman seemed not to care, just focused on the food that’s, before her, based off of her age, she had, a huge, appetite, like she’d not been fed for a long, long time, that she’s planning on, filling up the vacancy that’s inside of her stomach all at once, she’d, gulfed down the salad that was a tiny hill of green, and had two bowls of soup already, the eight-ounce steak, totally, cleaned off her plate, the chocolate cake, the Boston Crème Pie for desserts, all gone, ice cream…three scoops in a breath…as I watched her, I’d, started, exclaiming inside, “Wow, eating contest winner, I’d, read you, wrong!”

And, the elderly woman finally, burped, and got up, satisfied, “Thank you, ma’am, for treating me to this meal, mighty kind of you!” she’d continued thanking the woman, then, turned around, left.  The young girl lightly complained to her mother, “she stinks!  So sweaty, smelled too, bad…………”, that young mother told the child, “Grandma had been, picking up the recycling materials in the heat, look how hard she was sweating, then, you know how hard she’d worked, to, make a living for herself.”

So, they’re not, a family then, to the point, of never meeting before, it’s a wonder, they’re, eating their own meals, with no words of, exchange.  It’s just, that this young married woman had, passed by the elderly, and, felt sympathetic toward her, and invited her to the meals, and, the elderly was lucky enough, to meet someone kind, and got a fulfilling meal.

The steak meals of less than four hundred dollars, I can pay for it too, but, inviting an unknown elderly to come along and eat with me, that’s, a thought I’d, never had.  The young mother’s, “not giving to her like she’s a charity case, and made sure the elderly’s pride was cared for”, her act of, kindness, it’d, given her own young, the best, example.

And so, this is the story of kindness in the world, that the writer had, observed, and, this young mother is, amazing that she’d, invited this unknown elderly woman, whom she’d bumped into on the streets, noted that she was having a difficult time in her life, and, invited the elderly woman along for a meal, and you just don’t get that enough these days, because, we’re all, keeping our heads down, watching for our own means, we don’t really, have the mind, nor the time, or even, the energy to care about, someone else’s needs, and this young mother was a good example for her own young daughter.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Helping Behaviors, Kindness Shown, Lending a Helping Hand, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, The Education of Children, Values, White Picket Fence