Category Archives: Parent-Child Interactions

Stop Tangling, the Roles of Fathers are Equally Vital as the Roles of Mothers

On the fathers, missing out on their children’s coming of age, because they still believed themselves, to be the “breadwinner”, and this is still, SEXIST, as children need BOTH parents to grow up into, well-adjusted adults here, and yet, do any of you know this???  Yeah uh, right!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The MERS-CoV pandemic started back up again, as the preschool age children were scanned and found to be positive of contraction, normally, it’s the mothers who look after them, but, the other children in the families also need mom, and, at which time, the mom usually need to go into quarantine with the child who’d contracted the virus, and suddenly, the dads started, shoulder the roles of both father and mother, and they’re normally, fazed, not known how to handle it.

Mother’s Day is here, in my several decades of experiences as a pediatrician, I saw a ton of moms, whom, for the sake of their own young, sacrificed themselves to the point that they lost sight of who they are, to the point of becoming, the “transformer robots”, and this has the biological and the cultural bases.

I’d had fathers in my treatment clinic, who’d not studied hard in school, and felt, that it was okay that their children don’t study too, and, allowed their own young to play all the games on their cell phones as they pleased, to telling their children that they’re going off to serve their jail sentence as “going to get schooled”, and he’d not felt that studying would get you anywhere, and naturally, he’d, let his children, go free.

As we’d become parents for a while, we’d come to understand that the way we use to raise our own young can affect the children’s sense of bliss, and everybody gave the credits of this to the mothers, but, the researches now showed, that if there’s a “good father”, the child is less likely to commit the crimes, or to drop out of school when they’re older, and when they are older, it’s easier for these children with the presence of fathers in their lives to hold a higher paying job, and be emotionally/psychologically stable, with a good relationship with others.

The researches had even found, that if a child has a good father, by age three, the toddler would have a higher I.Q., and, in the child’s life, there would be, less problems psychologically, this was referred to as the “fathering effect”.

The importance of the roles of fathers in a family, usually relates to the “sole economic providers”, but, a lot of the statistics of researches now showed, that men are the ones, helping, or, hurting their own young.

The father and the mother, are the, most important teachers in a child’s life, the father would want to know, what does my child learn from me every day, as the children are observant of the parents’ behaviors, the daily living, the morals, the relations of the family members, how the families treat one another, along with the interpersonal relationship skills too.

And some of the parents believed, that it’s enough, just to, stay beside the children; but this is, meaningless, there must be “participation and interactions” as this is the KEY.  And, the foundation of warmth and that safe and secure feeling of the home is absolutely necessary, if you spend a lot of time with your children, and they’d not accepted that you had, or that you’d, insulted them repeatedly, this sort of a father will only cause the negative effects on the child’s life.

The fathers normally believed, that they just needed to work hard to bring in the money, this is the “toolman father’s” mindset.  If you don’t catch up to the times, you would think, that infants don’t know the effects of time the fathers spends, playing with them, interacting with them, taking care of them, to the point, that years later, the child wouldn’t even care, to forget what their fathers had put in in those, earliest years of their lives.

The fathers are involved, in sports and play activities with their young mostly, if from when the infant is only a month old, the fathers get involved in the infants’ lives, then, by the time the children turn one, then, the cognitive abilities would be higher than that of the child’s, age group, and by nine months, the infant will learn to play with other children, and this is very beneficial to the infant.

So, stop tangling yourselves, the role of the father IS equally important as the role of the mother, and, the two parents needed to cooperate, to compliment one another in the means of childrearing.

And so, this still showed, how important the role of the father is in a child’s life, but unfortunately, all you, stupid men all still believed that wow, I’m the one, bringing in home the beard AND the bacon, I’ll leave the childrearing means to my women to do, and your kids grow up without their daddies, and, become, ill-adapted, because you are absent in their lives when they are younger, and, what the @#$% (maxed out!) makes you think that now that you’d grow old and gray, they’ll be willing to, circle around you, now that you need then, I mean, it’s not as if you’d spent time with your young, is it, no, you only worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, provided the hard-earned dollar to the necessities of our lives, and that’s still, bullshit here!

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Filed under Gender Roles, Issues on Gender, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

The Transformation into a Princess

The lesson this father learned, from his baby daughter, who is in her, Queen Elsa stage of life, translated…

I have a four-year-old daughter who loved nothing but skirts, but, in her preschool, for the kids to stay easily managed, and having the agility to do the class activities, the preschool told the students that they can’t wear skirts or dresses to classes, and so, on the weekends and holidays, she’d, made up for it, putting on the skirts, the dresses, to satisfy her own desires of being dolled up like a princess.

Since we received the preowned princess dress from a friend, she’d, found that hidden princess side of her self, even though, she’d not seen any Disney princess films, but through the social networking in her school, she’d become, the master of “Frozen” by Disney, “let it go” became her overly used phrase, and on the weekends, she’d insisted, on becoming Elsa the queen, with that crown on her head, a magic wand in her hand, then, she would allow us to take her out, she’d, put her heart, her soul, her being into this, as a father to her, and a film director, I don’t know how to react to it, and realized, just how, powerful an influence the movie industry has on the people.

I wrecked my mind, do I, allow my daughter to exercise her own free imagination, or to restrict her, to set a right kind of value system for her to follow?

little girls, dressing themselves up as princesses

photo from online

This semester, I’d started teaching a master class, “Writing Scripts for Young Children”, I’d set up the discussion times with my students on the matter of “children” from before.  First, understand the minds of the young children?  How the children’s thought processes worked?  How do they express themselves?  How to get along, communicate, then lastly, what we want to, give to the children?  This order is quite vital, but in the Asian culture, stressing raising outstanding children, we only cared about what we’re, feeding to the children, how to make them absorb what we’re giving to them, to make sure they learned the lessons quickly, and all of the lessons we have to teach all at once?  As for the children’s thoughts, or feelings………we’d ignored, wait until they’re older, then, we tailor to that.

On the weekend, I took my young daughter, dressed up as Queen Elsa to Costco to shop, because of how she’d stood out, the ladies working at the sample tables, and demonstrating the new products all came to say hello.

“Hi, princess”.

“Princess, you are, beautiful!”

“What are you looking to buy today, princess?”

“Are you Princess Elsa?  I saw your movie once!”

All the way, my daughter was very conversational with everybody who’d greeted her, it’s her dad who felt, embarrassed, and boy oh boy, am I glad, that I’d put my mask on.

“Does it bother you, or make you uncomfortable, that you’re getting, everybody’s, attention?”, I’d asked my daughter.

“no.”, she’d responded.

“So, you enjoy all the attention then?” I’d inquired.

“Sure, because they’re giving me compliments, affirming me.”, she’d told me.

Actually, this child of mine, had suppressed her feelings from when she was a young child, refused to express herself, and we’d had to guess what’s on her mind a lot.  It took my wife and I a ton of time, and worked hard with her, for her to finally express her own emotions, to tell her thoughts to us, and now, the results are finally, apparent.

what these, little girls, loved…photo from online

Before we give to the children, and teach them things, we must first, know what they’re thinking, how they’re, feeling; understand, empathize, allowing them to tell us, give the children their own means of expression, to valid what they experience, this is, the core value of writing for children.

Letting the children be themselves, versus training them to be someone else we expect them to become, this is a huge matter for not just the parents, but also, a must-learn lesson for everybody in this world.  I’m too grateful to my princess, teaching her father, the “king”, to learn this, important lesson.

So, the adults learned something from the children here, because there is, a lot to learn from your own kids, but, mostly, you @#$%ING (maxed out!) adults think, that we’re older, therefore, we know more than you do kid, and, we will silence you, because you got nothing important to say, after, we are older, AND wiser, having lived longer.

And yet, there are, a ton of things, that the adults should be learning from their own young, not the other way around, children are, born wise, and then, they grow up, become, stupid adults.

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Imaginative Play, Lessons, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Self-Images, Socialization, The Doll Corner

Locked Down

We are, strangers, living, under that, same roof here!  There’s the estrangement, the distance, between these two family members here, translated…

Thinking back six months ago, the city had never actually been, under lockdown.

At noon on the fifteenth, the city fell under another wave of alert, the footages from the foreign media press made it look like the prophecy of doomsday.  As I returned home, I saw my mother sunk inside that single seat, half lain down, with her head, neck on one end, her knees, across the other side, made a V, with her long white hair that hung over to the sides, fuzzing up the cloth of the seat.  My mother didn’t open her eyes, but her eyeballs were turning underneath her eyelids, “go wash your hands as you come in,” she’d, dictated to me.

At that moment, the city is, completely, locked inside her house then, due to the halting of the school sessions, my mother could no longer go do her volunteer work at the school, and, most of the time, she’d, sunk in her chair, and occasionally, lifted her eyes to see what’s on the T.V., hearing the news blaring out the numbers, falling asleep, then suddenly, awaken by the fire alarms in the kitchen, she’d gotten up in a hurry, gone to the kitchen, since her knee cap had deteriorated, the footsteps sounded uneven, the echoes of the sounds stopped, by the door, I’d not wanted to let her know, that I’d, discovered her, she’d used the slowest speed, pulled back the door, but the door made the clacking sound from the ceiling, the radio still blared out the lessons, I’d keyed hard on the keyboards, some meaningless symbols, to try to cover it up, but of no avail, I saw my mother out of my peripheral vision, by the cracks of my door, I’d, heighten up my voice, and, she’d, immediately shifted her gaze back to my hand, and the eye she can’t see started, blurring, and rolled around, I’d turned my head, and, stared at her, and, felt that anxiousness that came with me, being, watched, and used the noises of the words I’d blurted out to her, to lock myself in, to not see if she’s still, standing there.

illustratin from UDN.com

“Before you were married, you’d, exactly like you are now,” that was all she’d said to me at lunch, I’d continued chewing those words I wanted to say to her, and swallowing them all down with the food, even though, I’d never, examined it closely, what exactly was it that I wanted to say to her, and although, I’d, kept my throat locked up, not made a single noise, but the chewed up food, mixed with my saliva, stayed in my throat, and finally, they can’t be held in anymore, “what’s wrong with that?”, and what came after, was the shock, and this time, it was her jaw that’s, dropping, chewing her food with her mouth wide open, and the slurping sound of the soup, interrupted by the burp, signaling she’s full, I’d remembered that the order you ate your food showed your philosophy toward life, the personality traits assigned to those who ate the meats, the vegetables, the soups, but my mother didn’t fit in any of these categories.

Until the final day of the stage three alerts, I’d found myself back in my elementary years, imagined what my mother was doing when I was away, and I saw this afternoon, that she sank into the couch, falling asleep, or, agilely, used the toes, to pick up the remote control nearby, I’d started, giggling then, like I was the one, peeping outside of her door, if my peeps can pass through the peephole, and matched up to her gaze, “wash your hands first when you’d come home”, she’d told me.

And, there’s, that estrangement of this mother and daughter, the daughter seemed to want to get closer to her mother, but, there’s, that aloofness, that not-to-be-bothered feel to her mother’s, manners, that kept the woman away from connecting to her, and, this is magnified, because they are sharing the same roofs, living together at home, during stage three alerts.

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

Can I Try it Out Myself?

What the mother learned, of her self, of her child’s growing up, willing to take the risk, and the responsibilities for her own, actions, translated…

“May I try it?”, my fourteen-year-old daughter pleaded with me.

I’d stopped the second wave of attacks, held my tongue, based off of my teaching experiences of twenty years, and the thousands of students I’d observed.  At this time, she is telling me what she actually feels, but, am I hearing her loud and clear, trying to change her mind?

My daughter wanted to add two more activities of piano accompaniment in her church youth group activities aside from the regular scheduled I’d set up for her for the cram school sessions and the extra talent classes.  But she’d not played for many years, and she may need the extra time to get to her original level of playing skills, while in her academic, she’s the kind that needed to study step-by-step to see the results of her hard work, she couldn’t even have enough sleep regularly, and, thinking about her health, as her mom, blocking this voluntary activity for her, I’m just in it, besides, I’m sure, that more opportunities like this one will present themselves to her in the future.

“Let me just try it, okay?”, yeah, why can’t I, just allow her to?  Why am I worried that she might not be able to, handle it?  Do I trust her enough?  Didn’t we encourage our own young, “you need to try it first”, she’d not yet begun, and so, how can I possibly, set up the outcomes FOR her then?

Did I respect her decision?  If she was willing to take full responsibility for her own actions, then, what right have I, to ban her from it?  Didn’t I raise an independently thinking, responsible for herself child?  She’s so brave already, in after assessing her situations, she was still willing to take on the challenges, why can’t I support her?  Am I afraid, that other than her being too tired, she might not manage?  And, didn’t we tell, that “defeats are what makes you a little closer to success the next time”?  Why must I, strip her of her chances of trying it, to deprive her of getting what she may need to success?

In the parenting expert’ book, “Is Letting Children be Harder than Having to Discipline Them?”, the reasoning is quite easy to understand, and yet, this wasn’t from the textbooks, but the accumulation of wisdom that came with the years.  Every lesson in parenthood is quite easy to understand, but if we don’t think on it, and introspect ourselves, then, we’d gone, in the, exact opposite directions.

My child was willing to try it, that’s a show of her courage and self-confidence.  Willing to share her thoughts with me, showed that she’d trusted me in our interactions.  Wanted my consent, because she respected my opinions on the matters, so naturally, I’d needed to, support her decisions, to be her, strong backup support system.  Giving her praises for her willing to put in the time, for her sense of responsibility, and, wish that she’d gained something positive from the experiences.

As for me, I should feel grateful for her expressing herself to me, to help me know my own shortcomings as her mother, to mature, as parents, we really, have a, lot to learn still.

And so, this is how this kid teaches her mother, about letting go, it’s the child’s life, she should be allowed to choose what she wanted to do, and, if she thinks she’s up for the challenges, then, why shouldn’t the parents support her on it?

But, most parents here, are with the academic-track mind, zooming in on the grades, the percentile scores of the exams, that they forgot, that they’re not the ones, who will be taking responsibilities for living their own children’s, lives.

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Filed under Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Overinvolvements of Parents, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls

That Final Lesson of Life

Mom’s been gone ten years now, as she’d left, it was like her her whole life, continually worrying over us, that we are worried about her, she’d not become bedridden, she had a heart attack riding in the car on the freeways, and, as we’d rushed her to the hospitals, she was already in heaven, leaving us, flustered.

Born after the second World War, our families are traditional, not stated of love, we can’t even express the love we feel for one another well.  Or maybe, it’s how simple the world once was, or maybe, the schools just didn’t teach us how to express the love, but as mom left this world, she’d, gave you that makeup lesson on it.  Back then, you’d not known it yet, and now, it’d, dawned on you, and, as you grew older, it’d, caused, that warmth that overflowed from your heart.

from when you were a child…

photo from online

During those years of the past, you’d gone home often, to accompany mom out on walks, or to take her out to dine.  Once as you were about to cross the roads, mom suddenly took your hand; at that very moment, you’d felt, awkward, knowing you can’t back away, then you’d, squeezed her hand, and shockingly noted, how tiny her hand was, how soft.  You’d, held it with so much care, like holding on to an easily cracked, egg, and, you’d recalled, that back in your childhood years, she must’ve, taken your hand as you were a young child too, to get across the streets, to shop in the marketplaces, to take you to school, to pick you up afterwards.

And now, you’d often thought: a tall man, leading his mother with her hair all white with his hand.  That sense of shyness from the beginning, to that head up high and proud, strutting, such a beautiful, yet, quite rare, sight from the streets.

And so, this, is what you’d remembered about your mother, that she’d needed you to hold her hand, but, because of the way you were raised, you are not expressive in the physical forms of intimacy toward others, because that, was how you were, socialized from before.

to when you became an adult, and she, an elderly

like this…photo from online

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Filed under Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

The Final Trial

Out of a book I’m reading, translated by me…

I would see the mothers and daughter holding intimate conversations from time to time.  They’d treated one another with respect, and as independent from each other, the mother didn’t treat the daughter as something she owned, maintained the distance, at the same time, still were able to, relate to one another intimately.  Every time I see this combination, I’d, felt envious.  To tell the truth, it’s something really nice.  For me though, my relationship with my mother consisted of the never-ending fights, sometimes, we’d, impacted one another hard, sometimes, we’d, ignored each other, and finally, I’m, to where I, currently am.  Back then, I’d wanted to leave home, to get married early, to want another family.  And yet, I’d come to understand, that I will find no place to belong in at a young age, so I’d, forced myself to become, independent.  And, from this perspective, my mother would be, awesome.

So, why did I have such a mother?  About a year ago, this question surfaced to my mind.  Because no matter what, children can’t choose their own parents, and, it’s this sort of a drawing by chance.  If you drew good parents, then, you’re blessed, and if you didn’t, you would be, tortured in life.

As the question started growing inside of my mind, I’d finally decided, to pay a visit to the fortune teller one afternoon.  I only needed to provide my date of birth, my place of birth, and my time of birth, then, the individual will be able to read my life.  I’d, originally, not believed such a thing, but this was, the only straw I can grab onto, to save myself.

Anything, anything at all, I just, needed a reason, for why I was, born to, this woman who was, my mother.

The fortune-teller told me, that I’d owed my mother a favor in a past life.  That’s it, I was, graced by my mother in another life?  And, it was, from a lifetime ago, there’s nothing I can do, and so, I’d, immediately, accepted the claims of that, fortune teller.  And, my mother being my mother, was also something, she’d lacked, control over.

The fortune-teller told me, that facing the trials right now, is the ultimate test of my spirit, if I passed, then, my soul will no longer need to get trapped in the cyclic karma, and I won’t come back as a human being again.

And of course, that was, that, a fortune-telling session, there was no way of me knowing for certain if it is true or false. But for me, even if it’s untrue, it’d helped me find the salvation I needed.  The words of the fortune-teller gave me that heart of ease now, and I can, better accept the problems I have with my own mother.

The most important gain from this session, was I now know, that I’m, tested by God right now, and, if I didn’t visit the fortune-teller as I’d done when I had, I may still be, living in a depressed mood every single day.

As my mother passed, in the current moment, my state of mind felt like that finally solved math problem.  Although, I’d not made the perfect scores still, but, at least, I’d, passed the exams.

And, this just showed, how we’re, often trapped by the whys of life, we want a valid reason, to make sense of why and how things happened the way that they had, and, this woman, she’d found the answer she was in need of (regardless of whether or not it’s true or false), that she’d found closure, to the awful relationship she’d always had with her own mother, and she’s, moving on with the rest of her life, leaving that baggage, behind, for she’d, carried it for too long, all the way up to the point in her life, and now, she’s finally, letting go.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Childhood, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life

The Young Alien & Mr. Sun

How this young child is, learning about the world, through the inquiries he had for him mommy, on the inquisitive nature so a young child, translated…

Not long ago, my son became a “freshman” of the preschool class of children.  The preschool was in the midst of a field, with the tiny train station, the electric cable cars.

In three months, my son is turning three.  At this age, the children are stubborn, and started exercising their own autonomy, giving the adults, huge, headaches.  Being as young as he, he was, an alien from a different planet, accidentally “landed” into this world of ours, and, everything here, the rules, the orders of how things happen, surely, is totally, unfamiliar, to him, and, toward this, weird and unknown planet he’d, landed on, it must be, unsettling for him, I suppose?  Up to here, I guess, I can, settle myself down, to cope with his, tantrums again, who’d, sometimes smiled, sometimes, acted upset, totally, unreasonable.

how parents can feed to the curiosities of children, starting at a very young age…photo from online

He’d, relied on my words, to get to know this world.  For instance, we park our cars in the parking lot, our car parks in the basement level one of the garage; if we’re to go out on the scooters, he knew, to press the B1 button on the elevator when we get in.  For instance, early in the morn, is when everybody goes out to work, and in the evenings, it’s time for everybody to come home from school and from work too.  Like in the evenings, he’d still wanted to play longer out, then I’d told him, that the skies are getting dark soon, that mommy would get nervous, to ride her scooter home in the darkness.  I’d lifted him, high up, to show him that red sun that’s, half-set not the western skies in the distant mountains, told him: “that’s Mr. Sun, he’s about to get off from work and when he does, the skies will, turn dark!”

And today, I rode out on my bicycle to pick him up.  As I strapped him in, he saw that sun setting by the edge of that distant mountain, he’d pointed to it, stated, “mom look, the sun is about to fall down!”

“Yep, Mr. Sun is about to get off work!  He’s headed home for his supper!”, I’d told him.

He thought a bit, stated, “going to B1?”

I can’t help but smiled.

“Maybe.”

“Does he live in B1?”, my young son pressed.

“Mommy wouldn’t know, does he, live in, B1?”

I pedaled hard, got my bicycle, through the fields, passing through the buildings that grew taller, taller, and taller before us, rode into the darkness, with the neon signs, waking up in the nights.  The night breezes, blew our conversation, far, far, far off into, the distances.

And this is, an ordinary day of after work, of picking your young son to get home, and, in these few short moments from picking him up to arriving home, you two shared the wonderful moments of connecting to one another, and, your son will, keep these memories of his younger years intact, and, he will be, intrigued by the outside world because, you allowed him to inquire, to ask questions he may have regarding his surrounding environment, getting that love of learning about things he never encountered before going inside of him.

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Filed under Lessons, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Socialization

Let’s Switch Bikes

The son’s thoughtfulness for his mother, on their rides out to the riverside by bicycle, translated…

Under the lamppost after the sunset, the river brought over that gentle breeze, you’d first, lifted up your own bicycle upstairs, then, hopped your way downstairs, and swiftly, carried up my bike.  “Mom, let me help you with that.”  Your voice started changing already.  You got taller, I now have to, lift my head, to see your face.  Passing this staircase, that’s freedom waiting for you there, in the month of June, you were kept indoors, staring at the computer screens, taking your school courses, you’re, feeling, very, stuffed up.

As we rode our bikes out, it’d always been dad first, then your younger brother, you, with me as the last.  Looking at your back as you rode, I’d recalled the day you finally learned to ride, at the age of four, I’d, let go, then, you’d, ridden forward.  That very first time we took you to the riverside to ride, at the age of seven, your younger brother was in preschool then, and, you had me all to yourself then, so very excited, you’d been, expecting the day since the day before.  On that day, I’d, rented a dirt bicycle to allow you to ride free, we’d gone ten kilometers without stopping, just, speeding away, and we’d, made a pact, to remember what we see on the way, and, make a poem together at the end of the path.  During that time, we’d gone on “dates” like those, sometimes, it’s for my marathon runs, with you, riding alongside, as my companion, and, as we got tired, we’d, stopped, taken out the book, the foods for our, picnics together.  These past few years, we’d, stopped riding out together as much, you no longer have the half days, and, the medication I take for treating my cancer, it’d left me, weakened in my joints, and I couldn’t, go the longer way.  At age twelve, you’d, gone alone on your own, with a backpack, followed the group of cyclists out to circle around the island, up and down those slopes, rain or shine, becoming independent, and strong.

illustration from UDN.com

The whole family moved forward, seeing me lagging behind, you’d, stopped to wait, I told you to go ahead, that I will ride at my own pace.  You wouldn’t, worried that I may not know where you guys would go.  Then, you’d, pulled over, lowered your seat, “mom, let’s switch bicycles, my bicycle rides better.”  Then, you got on my lady’s bike, allowed me to go ahead of you, and, stayed on the back.  In this time of the entire world seemingly have halted, it’d felt, that times slowly, marches on, and, at this moment, the time had, switched our places, you at the tender age of, thirteen.

I held tight to your bicycle handle, it’d felt still heated, and more strength came from my, legs, the wheels had, become, lighter.  Seeing how I now rode with more ease, “like I told you, my bicycle rides better!”, you rode next to me, with your mask on, eyes, squinted, smiled and told me, “let’s ride through the riverside quickly, the wind feels, so good, like we are, riding through a, romantic, forest here”, and that smile was, exactly like how you’d looked, a few years ago, when I’d taken you out for a ride by the riverside.

And so, these, are the moments the two of you shared, as mother and son, and your son is kind and gentle, he’d noted your needs, and, showed his concerns for you, and it’d made you feel warmed up.

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Filed under Because of Love, Family Matters, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

When Parents Expect Children to Read Their Minds

How you, STUPID parents (b/c that is what you all are!), expected us to play that guessing game, reading your minds, but, we don’t want to, and besides, why the @#$% (maxed out!) should we, huh???  That’s the problem, with parent-child interactions, you @#$%ING parents always expects us to read your minds, well, guess what, we won’t, because we had had enough!  Translated…

My friend Li-Wen had never been close to her mother, for many years, one of them lives up north, the other, south, they’d accumulated a ton of displeases toward one another in life, they’d not, talked it out openly.  Although all of us friends, tried consoling her to let go of her stubbornness, but she refused.  Actually, we are, only outsiders, looking in, we couldn’t possibly know exactly what went on between them, how much she’d hurt, over all these, years.

Or maybe, she still had yet to, care for that hurt child in herself, that’s probably why she couldn’t, get along well with her mother!

Right before the New Year’s, her aunt who lives close by bought the fruit gift baskets to send to her mother, told her to pick it up after work.  She’d bluntly told her aunt, that she’s busy up to the New Year’s, that her aunt should just, mail it.

what you, stupid parents expect us to be able to do…

photo from online

All of her friends started, blaming her for not being courteous enough, and not being, understanding enough, while Mei-Feng don’t see what she did wrong.  “Li-Wen and her mother don’t live together, the two of them lived far apart, as Li-Wen picked up the fruits from her aunt, supposedly, she would, mail the gift baskets too.”

Li-Wen told, “my aunt wanted me to take the fruits back to my mother, so I can, break the ice with my mother.”

“Wow, such a round-and-about way!  Do all the elders need to, go around the circles, to make us do things?”, I’d, become surprised of how their communication wasn’t, more straightforward, “If Li-Wen’s aunt felt that she hadn’t gone to visit her mother in a long, long time, then, she should’ve just told Li-Wen her thoughts directly, but why didn’t she?”

The group of us started, chiming in on how our own elders are exactly like so, my mother’s like that too, so-and-so too…………they all wanted us to play the guessing games, and, when we guessed them wrong, they get, upset with us, and we can’t, not guess at what they’re thinking and feeling, it’s so, tiring!

Why can’t the parent-child communication be like it once were, just opening up, like, put on your coat when you go out when it gets colder out, when you’re hungry, telling the parents that you want some foods, plain and simple?  Mei-Feng started, “If I feel upset, I would definitely tell my children, and, there are bound to be the disagreements of our opinions, but, we just, say it out, keeping everything bottled up, nobody can know what you’re thinking about.  No comment means, no comment; agreeing by YA!  Much simpler, isn’t it?”

Yeah, speak what’s on our minds, so simple.  Actually I can’t, even guess at what thoughts I will, come up with, how can I expect my own young, to play that guessing game, to read my mind?

And so, this, is how the elders feel disappointed by us, their, offspring, because we don’t want to play the guessing games, even IF we’re, quite good at these stupid mind games that we were forced to play on the way to growing up, and yet, that’s the problem with all of you, older generations, you do NOT verbalize what you want from us, and as it was me, I would play DUMB, because that, is how I do it, but for you???  How would you handle situations like these?

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Expectations, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls

I Don’t Need You Anymore, Mom

Trying to get the parents to stop worrying about their own young here, a poem, translated…

I Don’t Need You Anymore, Mom

The Speed to Which I’m Currently Traveling is 291 Kilometers

Right Inside the Washer

That Story inside My Pockets

Sped with Me

Gotten Wet, then Ruined

Mom, No Worries

I Shall Dry My Self up in the Sun

Becoming a Piece of Paper

That Swayed, Wandered, in the, Wind

So this, is a child’s attempts, to stop the parent from worrying about her or him, and the child may be going through some trials, but, to help her/his own parents feel more at ease, s/he’d told the parent, that s/he is still, fine.  That, is what a lot of us, children would do, because we don’t want to cause anymore troubles for our own parents, they got enough on their plates already!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Poetry, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence