A lesson, on how to interact with your children, now that, they’re, grown, for M-E-N!!! Translated…
After reading, “It’s Not that I’m Too Aloof, it’s Because, I Never Felt, the Passions” on July 31st, my head bobbed up and down repeatedly through her article, this was, the exact replica of my own, family.
“Your son is out of school now? What’s he been up to? When will your daughter be home? Will she buy the milk?………”, he sat on the couch, in the living room, watching T.V., and inquired, and heaven only knows, how many times, he’d, repeated these, same questions, at first, I’d told him, “I’ll call and check”, then in the end, it really, got to me, and I’d, barked back, “you can call the kids up too, why do I always have to be the middleman?”
As a father, he’d had it easy since the start, while I am on the clock, twenty-four seven, year round, a nanny slash secretary, without pays, for close to, three decades already, never went on strike, nor gotten lackluster over my duties of work. But, with the kids growing up, leaving home, it became more and more difficult to know where they are at any moment of day, and my husband would, yap, yap, yap, wanted the answers to his inquiries, and I find it, harder, and harder, to satisfy his, inquiries.
When the children are still younger, he’d poured everything he had into work, no days, no nights, nor vacations either, and his schedules were completely opposite from us, mother and children’s, and it’s next to impossible when the kids want to see their dad, and when we go out to eat, or to travel, he’d, vanished, and so, if there are things that they wanted each other to know, I am the bridge, the phonelines, and after awhile, this became, the way we’d, interacted in the family, and now, even as they were only, steps apart, or separated by the walls of the different rooms of the house, my husband still used ME as a telephone, and I’m, having it too hard now.
illustration from UDN.com
“Why don’t you ask them yourself? You always complained how the kids don’t get closer to you, and the connections are established through interactions, if you don’t start reaching out, and the kids are, reactive, how can you get close?”
He was silent from not knowing what to respond, patted his own nose, turned, and walked to my daughter’s bedroom door, and asked, in a, hesitant voice, “I’m making some noodles, do you want some too?”
My daughter who was working on her papers, was a bit, shocked at first, then, replied back, sure, waited until she was finished with what she was doing, she’d, gone into the kitchens, helped with the chopping of the vegetables, and the plating too…………the two of them started with that awkward silence transpiring between them, to laughing and talking, it’s such a moving scene for a “bystander” like me, I’d, started, secretly, filming this, such a precious shot of gentle father and wonderful daughter, worth me, saving.
“See, I knew you could do it, your giving to them actively, they will, feel it, and will, reciprocate too, like how when we’d gone to the supermarkets yesterday, she’d gotten reminded that you wanted milk and grabbed a carton for you, ‘giving’ and ‘receiving’ love, it’s, both ways, and, this heat between the two of you you’d, established, will need work.”
As he’d heard my analysis, and my console, he’d, started, stopped ordering people around, and, often used LINE to ask our daughter how she was doing, gone to her bedroom, to see if there’s something our daughter needed…………I’m glad, that the man of the house if BACK! But recently, my daughter asked me to convey to her father, ‘don’t knock on my door so often and call, I’m in a business conference call, I can’t reply.’”
Well, think it’s time, that I teach my husband, how to, take back that constant show of care and concerns, so the love he expresses to our daughter, is just right, not too much, just, enough.
And so, this is how, men all need to get, TRAINED, to interact with their families, because at work, they may be the hotshot bosses, barking out all the orders to their employees, and back at home, they carried that same mode to interacting with their loved ones, and that can be, problematic, and in this particular case, the wife is still, the middleman, unfortunately…