What the mother learned, of her self, of her child’s growing up, willing to take the risk, and the responsibilities for her own, actions, translated…
“May I try it?”, my fourteen-year-old daughter pleaded with me.
I’d stopped the second wave of attacks, held my tongue, based off of my teaching experiences of twenty years, and the thousands of students I’d observed. At this time, she is telling me what she actually feels, but, am I hearing her loud and clear, trying to change her mind?
My daughter wanted to add two more activities of piano accompaniment in her church youth group activities aside from the regular scheduled I’d set up for her for the cram school sessions and the extra talent classes. But she’d not played for many years, and she may need the extra time to get to her original level of playing skills, while in her academic, she’s the kind that needed to study step-by-step to see the results of her hard work, she couldn’t even have enough sleep regularly, and, thinking about her health, as her mom, blocking this voluntary activity for her, I’m just in it, besides, I’m sure, that more opportunities like this one will present themselves to her in the future.
“Let me just try it, okay?”, yeah, why can’t I, just allow her to? Why am I worried that she might not be able to, handle it? Do I trust her enough? Didn’t we encourage our own young, “you need to try it first”, she’d not yet begun, and so, how can I possibly, set up the outcomes FOR her then?
Did I respect her decision? If she was willing to take full responsibility for her own actions, then, what right have I, to ban her from it? Didn’t I raise an independently thinking, responsible for herself child? She’s so brave already, in after assessing her situations, she was still willing to take on the challenges, why can’t I support her? Am I afraid, that other than her being too tired, she might not manage? And, didn’t we tell, that “defeats are what makes you a little closer to success the next time”? Why must I, strip her of her chances of trying it, to deprive her of getting what she may need to success?
In the parenting expert’ book, “Is Letting Children be Harder than Having to Discipline Them?”, the reasoning is quite easy to understand, and yet, this wasn’t from the textbooks, but the accumulation of wisdom that came with the years. Every lesson in parenthood is quite easy to understand, but if we don’t think on it, and introspect ourselves, then, we’d gone, in the, exact opposite directions.
My child was willing to try it, that’s a show of her courage and self-confidence. Willing to share her thoughts with me, showed that she’d trusted me in our interactions. Wanted my consent, because she respected my opinions on the matters, so naturally, I’d needed to, support her decisions, to be her, strong backup support system. Giving her praises for her willing to put in the time, for her sense of responsibility, and, wish that she’d gained something positive from the experiences.
As for me, I should feel grateful for her expressing herself to me, to help me know my own shortcomings as her mother, to mature, as parents, we really, have a, lot to learn still.
And so, this is how this kid teaches her mother, about letting go, it’s the child’s life, she should be allowed to choose what she wanted to do, and, if she thinks she’s up for the challenges, then, why shouldn’t the parents support her on it?
But, most parents here, are with the academic-track mind, zooming in on the grades, the percentile scores of the exams, that they forgot, that they’re not the ones, who will be taking responsibilities for living their own children’s, lives.