Category Archives: Being Exposed

All the Hurtful Things You’d Said to Me

I wish that I can say, that none of it mattered, but, it’d still, affected me, but, I’m slowly, becoming, desensitized to it.  All the hurtful things you’d said to me, had become, something, that fueled me, those awful words that had, gotten too deep, into my ear canals, had finally, made me deaf!

what it felt like at the beginning…not my photo…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, after so many years, it’d, still hurt, but, a little less every single day, and, I suppose, that one day, all the hurtful things you’d said to me, will NO longer affect me, it’s just, that that day, hadn’t, “arrived” yet…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they don’t matter now, I’d become stronger, hearing all the hurtful things you’d said to me, and, they no longer, hurt me anymore, they’d become, nothing more than those cold winter winds that cuts through the skin on the surfaces now……………

and now…

no longer “registering”, ‘cuz I’d, tuned you O-U-T!!!

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they’d, become, this never-healing infection of my childhood days, and growing up, I’d, carried all my scars that marked my body, and now, as I’d become, an adult, those scars became scabs, and, underneath those ugly scabs, there are, newly, grown-in layers of skin, waiting to come out.

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Being Exposed, Bullying, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Despair, Downward Spiral, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Miscelaneous, Obstacles in a Relationship, Things Left Behind

Being Different…

I’m like you all, my classmates, but, not exactly, I have a mom, who’s from a foreign world as opposed to the one I’m currently “staying in”…

When I first entered into class, I spoke the mainstream languages with a perfect tone, absolutely NO weird accents, but, the other kids, they’d still, made fun of me.

not my drawing.

I tried to fit in, tried to engage myself into their discussions, but, every time they saw me approaching, they’d all just, scattered and dissipate, as if, they’re avoiding me, like I’m the plague or something!  And, it’d, hurt.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being different, but, the feedbacks from my external environment seemed to prove otherwise.  I keep on, getting the signals, that I should be thankful, being different from everybody else, and yet, in my day-to-day interactions, that “theory”, it just, can’t seem to work out that well at all!

not my picture.

And now, after being casted away, singled out by my cohort, I’m starting to feel ashamed of my difference, and eventually, I’d become, so scared of being different, that I’d do anything, to blend in with the rest of the crowd………

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Bullying, Discriminations, Life, Perspectives, Violence in Schools

Brought Up that Way

“You can’t blame him”, she’d told, all her friends, as they all showed their condolences toward how she got that shiner on her eye, along with those bruised cheeks, again!

Brought up that way, that, was the sorry excuse that she’d used, to rationalize why he would take the downs of his life out on her!  Brought up that way, excusing his bad behaviors, how long, can you keep on, lying to yourself?  I know how much you wanted to believe in his FALSE promises of how he’ll change, how he will NEVER lay a hand on you, but, by NOT taking actions against HIS abuse, you’re only, getting yourself deeper…

Brought up that way, you’d been, using that, to EXCUSE his bad behaviors, and how many times had he hit you?  Gosh, I dunno, let me C-O-U-N-T………Brought up that way, yeah, so, let’s, examine the situations, shall we?  So, based off of that way of logic, shouldn’t ALL men who were raised under abuse, BE abusive?  But, NOT all MEN raised by abuse are abusive to their spouses (although the occurrences of abuse is higher, than the occurrences of not!).

Brought up that way?  So, I can BEAT the SHIT out of someone, when I feel awful about me, if I saw my father, beating on my mother every single night of my childhood?  Or, can I say those “accidental” hurtful words to you, because I heard daddy, yelling those mean things to mommy, and, they actually thought, that I was, already, asleep, as their arguments occurred, LATE in the nights?

Stop making excuses already, brought up that way?  Yeah, I too, WAS raised up by VERBAL, EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL abuses, as well as SEXUAL molestations, and for that, I’d taken it all out, on my D-O-L-L-S, ‘cuz they can’t fight BACK, so, don’t tell me I don’t know SHIT ‘bout scapegoating here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Excuses, Family Dynamics, Lives Lost, Loss, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

The Debris of Childhood

We’re all, impacted by this, because they (whoever they may be???) still don’t call it “growing pains” for nothing, do they?  Nope!

The debris of childhood, we’re all, feeling the impacts of the destructions, at various stages in our lives, and for some, because they refused to acknowledge, that their childhoods are so FUCKED up (and your point being???), that they needed a lie to live in, and so, they’d made up this HUGE wonderful lie, that they actually had amazing parents who loved them.

The debris of childhood, had you been impacted yet, I had, my life was sent, on that CRASH course, and, I was tossed, from that rollercoaster called my own life, but, I’d held on, refused to let go, and that, was how I was able to survive!  The debris of childhood, are you ready, to face it, up front?  Can you, handle the truth, that your parents may be like mine: abusive AND neglectful?  Because NOBODY can choose her/his family of origin, that, is why all families of origin is a SOURCE of pain for all!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Being Exposed, Childhood, Children Murdered, Cost of Living, Growing Up Too Fast, Innocence Lost, Life, Properties of Life, Things Left Behind, Vicious Cycle

Hiring Adolescent Girls to Strip Online, Only Pays Them $8000N.T. a Month

Because???  Oh yeah, SEX still SELLS!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Chien was suspected of working with an agency and illegally recruited twenty-six young men and women to work as strip reporters, and hold webcam conferences with the clients completely nude, and, the workers got scammed by the layers, and, only managed to get paid just three-percent of what the audiences paid to the company; some of the employees changed their minds about working there, and were threatened to get exposed if they don’t keep on working by the agency, some wanted a name-brand bag, and, had webcam conferences with clients with her top off, and only managed to receive a little over $8,000N.T.s for working a little over a month.

The Detective Department two nights ago, separated into teams, went to Kaohsiung, Yilan, Changhwa, Chiayi, Tainan, and Pingdong, etc., etc., etc., the studios, as well as the members’ residences, arrested Chien and the twelve agents, they’d confiscated the computers, the tactic manual, along with other times, the police booked the individuals based off of laws against sex trade of children, human trafficking,, and other laws; the police said that of the twelve agents, one of them was a transgendered person, and, of the twenty-six underage platform sex news reporters, at least two of them were just teens.

The website runs on memberships, and, there were over four hundred strip reporters, and the one-on-one sessions with the news casts via webcam or by phone sex would cost $2N.T.s a minute, and one sex reporter to multiple audience is $5N.T per minute, and for the top off, completely nude, topless, sexually illicit behaviors, the website would change anywhere from $500N.T. to $1,500N.T.s, the station would earn anywhere from four, to five million dollars N.T. per month, but the agency, and the website took about ninety-seven percent of the total earned, and only three percent would be given to the strip reporters.

And so, IF you have a brain, then, you’d see, that it’s NOT a good deal, after all they’re asking you to go all O-U-T in front of a CROWD, and, what do you get?  Almost NOTHING, compared to how much the agents are getting, and this is still happening because???  Oh yeah, SIMPLE economics: supply AND demand?  Hello, hello, hello?  Sex still SELLS, but the cash goes into the pockets of, NOT those who are topless, and, that, is just what you get, if you’re DUMB enough, to think that it’s EASY money!

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Filed under Abuse of Power, Bad Behaviors, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Innocence Lost, Loss, News Stories, Scams, Sex Sells

A Letter Written by His Daughter, the Father Who’s Sexist Was Mandated to Divorce

Sexism, in practice, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A woman, Huang, accused her husband for playing favorites with their seven-year-old son, and not loved their sixteen-year-old daughter equally, she couldn’t put up with it, asked for a divorce.  The judge based the letter written by the daughter that stated, “You’d never put your heart on me…you’d told me, that there are a lot of other relatives who looked out for me, that you didn’t need to take care of me anymore…”, and, on the stands, she’d stated that “the verbal exchanges my father had with my younger brother is MORE than the number of words he’d exchanged with me my whole life”, believed, that Huang’s accusations are valid, and, allowed for the divorce.

Huang accused, after her daughter was born, her husband didn’t show ANY care or concerns, and refused to pay for the daughter’s schooling or living expenses, that all the related costs were paid for, by her side of the family, the two had lived together, separately now; the husband said, “you owe me a son”, she’d immediately gotten impregnated by him, but, after her son was born, her husband started playing favorites with her son, it’d hurt her daughter so.  She said, that because of the pressures of her marriage, she’d put her heart and soul into religion, last year, after her daughter went to Canada to study, she’d decided to move out, and made her mind up on divorce.

Huang’s husband rebutted, he’s just not really comfortable at showing care and concern, but, in his daughter’s growing up, he’d accompanied her, and had given her a cell phone, as well as a laptop as presents, and that after the son was born, he’d become better off economically, that, was why he’d started providing for his own son’s education.

The judge called on their daughter to the stand, the daughter showed a letter she’d written to her father last August, “You’d probably not known how I’d dated a younger boy back in middle school, because I’d longed to be loved by a guy, after I’d broken up with him, I’d cried for so long, because I actually thought, that no guy can ever love me, you’d once told me, that there are, a lot of other people who loved me already, that your love would not be necessary, it’s really shocking, that parents would think, that they’d given too much love to their own children…”

The daughter took the stand, and confirmed, that since she was growing up, her father never talked to her in depth more than five times, when her classmates came over, her father would stay in his room, and wouldn’t come out to meet them, but he’d accompanied her younger brother every single day, given a ton of toys to her younger brother, “The verbal exchanges my father had with my younger brother is MORE than the verbal exchanges he’d had with me”.

The judge believed, that Huang’s accusations were valid, that it did, cause their marriage to break up, and the two had slept in separate rooms for a very long time, granted the divorce.  The daughter clearly stated that she wanted to live with her mother, and her husband had no objections, and so, the custody of the teenager went to the mother.  From the social workers’ home visit notes, Huang would often gone abroad to attend functions of religious matter, couldn’t accompany the seven-year-old son long-term, and so, the custody of their son was given to her husband.

So, this, is how FAR favoritism got!  And, the man did it, too obviously, I mean, yeah you are excited to have a son, but, you still should NOT ignore your daughter completely, you’d shown a lack of care AND concern toward her, and, what kind of a father ARE you, to play favorites like that!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Socialization

The Dangerous Thing About Trust…

It’s either make, or BREAK, and, when you BREAK, you REALLY, REALLY, R-E-A-L-L-Y DO B-R-E-A-K!

The dangerous thing about trust, is that if you’d placed your trust into the wrong people, then, you’d be, totally SCREWED, and, there’s ALSO that GOD DAMN problem of T-R-A-N-S-F-E-R-E-N-C-E (hello, hello, hello, Uncle Siggy, anyone???).

Trust is a dangerous thing, especially in this world, filled with a TON of SHIT, how do you know, WHO you can trust?  I mean, lookin’ ‘round here, you’ll see, ALL those GOD damn BUSINESSES that put people’s lives in danger, because they’d wanted to save up on the dollar, and, you ALSO have people, who are still ABUSING one another’s trust, everywhere.

The dangerous thing about trust, you can’t just, TRUST anybody, especially strangers, because you don’t KNOW what their intentions are, and, more often than not, their intentions are NEVER good!

So, what, do we do?  Do we, become skeptics, in the realms of trust?  Do we, still keep that faith, that people are naturally good, and, how, can we, make sure, that the environment won’t get to us, with ALL those bad news that are still currently, playing, playing, playing, AND replaying out there?

 

 

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Filed under Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Expectations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life