Category Archives: Communications

The Dry-Erase Board Used for Reminders, on How We Interact with One Another

Translated…

A very long time ago, my friend dropped a white board off at my place, I’d hung it on the walls of my living room, can’t think of a use for it right away though.

Back then, my five-year-old son was very intrigued with the cartoon, “The Sea Thief King”, and, I’d often busied myself about the house that I’d forget to remind him to watch it.  Later on, I’d drawn a picture of a clock on the dry-erase board, with the minute-hand on the time when the cartoon starts, told my son, whenever he sees the time on the dry-erase board corresponds with the time on the clock on the wall, then, it’s time for his cartoon.  With the reminder of the white board, he’d never missed an episode again.

Back then, I’d thumbed across an issue that the whole family shouldn’t miss, but, there was no way to get everybody here at the same time to tell my family members, and fearing that I may have missed someone, I’d taped the newspaper to the dry-erase board, and wrote the words of warnings.  For instance, a while ago, the drinks were placed in bad plastic cups, I’d put down, “For the sakes of your own health, don’t drink the drinks anymore.”, with the newspaper clipping as the evidence, it’d become more persuasive, my children and my husband rarely buys those drinks now.

A while ago, my son was prepping for his examinations, I didn’t want to nag him to spend less time on Facebook, I’d written down on the dry-erase board, “My dear son, you must put everything into your examinations, and just focus, I hope you will perform well on it!”, not long thereafter, he saw the words on the board, he’d erased it, and I knew, that he’d received my care and concerns.

One evening, my husband placed a paper box in the kitchen, told me, “this box is for you to place the items that don’t need to be refrigerated and the larger fruits.” I told him, “I don’t want too much clutter on the floors, it’s hard, to wipe the floors clean.”  After he’d heard, he’d told me angrily, “I can’t do anything that fits you, can I?” I was stunned, quickly ran to the front of the white board, wrote the words, “the smaller matters the wife decide, the bigger issues, the husband’s calls”.  A little while later, my husband passed by the dry-erase board, I’d called out to him, “Honey, did you see what I wrote?”, he’d started laughing, “Yes, my beauty, I saw it!”

Thanks for the PR dry-erase board at my house, helping us all with communications, without the fuses, adding more fun!

And so, this, would be a great way to interact with your families, after all, you all don’t share the exact same schedules, and, writing it on a board once, beats having to repeat to your families over, over, over, AND over again, plus, NO one likes a N-A-G!

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Filed under Communications, Expectations, Family Matters, Parent-Child Interactions

Advising Us All, to Not Get Addicted to Facebook

The first of the Relativity of Literature for the month of June, translated…

Jia-Hsien Yang: I will never forget the day I got hooked on Facebook.  It was a period of my life when I felt most lost—yes, that, was during the time when I’d buckled down, and wrote out my doctoral dissertations, in the research center’s research rooms, the days grew dark.  During that entire year, I did not write a single poem at all, I’d checked out my progress on Word, to see if I’d written another extra five hundred characters and added three more notes.  At the same time, I’d started, writing on Facebook, back then, Facebook was not yet “populated”, I’d only gotten a handful of kudos, felt a bit cold.

At first, it was only, a place, to smooth over the wound left by my doctoral dissertation.  As a few years had come to pass, it’d become this demon that prevented me from moving forward in my research.

But, before anything becomes an addiction, it would get tangled up, I’d written and you’d reposted, love and Facebook, are both like so.  And yet, it’d become this method, this stage, and people are all, coming up on stage to perform now, to show themselves, to set up one’s own image, and forcibly, report our own whereabouts to the world.  We can classify our “friends”, decide how far, to spread the news of ourselves to the world, or to give a dissection of oneself in depth.  There were my friends who’d insisted on not adding their professors, or their students, as “Friends”, some had kept the bosses, the managers, or subordinates away, as your mom and dad learned to use Facebook, and wanted you to add them as your friends, this, was the commonly shared trouble for us all.  Mmmmmm, that’s right, I’m the kind, that added some of my relatives, and at the very end, I’d blocked all of them out.  This, was the weirdest part of this sort of interpersonal relations: we’re allowing strangers on Facebook to read up on the goings on of our lives, but, we wanted to keep the cousins out.

As my workload increased, I’d had a TON of idiotic postings.  As I’d gotten kudos for my idiotic postings from the scholars, it’d shocked me so (for instance, recently, Professor Cheng came to give me a kudos).

Juan Tang: Facebook wasn’t born from the stars, and, the nights flowed, never endingly, and, perhaps, this, is the end, of my career in writing creatively.  I’d spend all of my days in the research labs, silently took in, all the losses I’d suffered, in the online chess games.  Constantly, fighting it out, with unknown players, never knowing, who will end up, slaughtering me to pieces.

But, I HATED Facebook, I hate how it is like a whirlpool, sucking my entire world in.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh, could this be, the biggest BANG of my life from here on out?  The nature of Facebook, is not for someone, middle aged chubby men like me, it’s a place, for those adolescents to bullshit in.  And here, we would use “Kudos” as way of attack, and, the beauty in quantity is measured, the qualities step aside, with the experts, using their fingers, every single person who’s not that good gets a kudos, Facebook is the holy ground for online democracy that’s for sure.  People of all ages, living in all parts of the worlds, can state their opinions, and, those who’d followed the leaders get commended, those who don’t, get shunned.  The pages are refreshed so quickly, the applauses died too quickly too, it is, a world, without too much “friction” (who gives a SHIT about “your weird goings on”, your “innocent ways”, and “simplemindedness”).

Then, why are you here, Old dude?  Oh, I’m here, to tell them, to get out, to tell them to stop sliding on their cell phones, to not rant on bullshits, to read those useless articles, to give out kudos for no apparent reasons………for the sake of having a successful conversation, I’d taken up their brain dead way of communication, to laugh out of turn, like chasing the pointless trends, to pretend, that I’m an outdated, but still in the game, old geezer, standing on the side of the young, of the open, of the future (but what if, I’m not?), to deal that FATAL blow, to the ancient belief systems.  Can’t believe, that they’d loved it when I got angered, posing their innocence, and giving old geezers who tried to mess things up like me kudos; can’t believe it, getting kudos feels even better than that $300N.T. whole body massage I just got at Hsin-An Massage Palace.  (oh, I’m in love, beep-beep, beep-beep), forget it, I’m about to forget to head home now, I like you all, younger boys and girls, it’s so funny, Uncle will chit chat with you all a while, do you think my words are funny………

Jia-Hsien Yang: Well, uh?  You seemed to become possessed when you talked of Facebook, it’d showed, how normal I actually am, how I’d followed the rules to the “t”.

Facebook, in the same level’s mirage, how it’d mocked the goings on of the party in front of the temples, it’s truly, a high pressured world.  There is always something going on, there would always be two different points of views, duking it out, we can’t keep our silences, we must show where we stand; if we don’t, we are deemed as aloof, uncaring, chicken.  And, all of a sudden, Facebook had replaced all the actions of man, like how everything you see on Facebook IS the whole world.  No wonder as people marched onto the streets for protests, they needed to post the photos online (I’d done that too), otherwise, who will know that you were there?  Who would know, that you are, showing care and concerns for the society right now?  I’d often pondered: if I didn’t think clearly, if I couldn’t speak wiser words than those already spoken, using a different angle, I’m just, “checking in” at the right time and the right place, other than making my Facebook account into my bulletin, my views into stickers, making myself, into a drop of water, in this big and vast ocean, what’s the meaning of it all?  Of course, this, is probably, too much of an individualist belief.  Perhaps, someone would say: what’s so bad, being a part of a group?  I’d recalled, the difference in The Gilded Age’s Ling Ding and Hong Hsiao now, I don’t want to be Ling Ding, and I lacked what it takes to be Hong Hsiao, but, their differences gave me a revelation.

Like I’d destroyed the atmosphere that Juan Tang was creating by sarcasm of the partying scene in the temple celebrations now……but, Juan Tang said, that there’s not that much friction in this world, no wonder, I’d feel very relaxed and happy when I’d logged on Facebook; the designers are truly wonderful, allowing us to block each other from seeing us if we felt like, and, allowing us, to stop interacting with those who had offended us somehow.  I’d started ranting now, as I’d opened up on my views of Facebook, but, at the same time, I’m reminded, of the two years, nine days’ ago posting of mine, and I’d reposted something I’d posted some seven months ago back on my front pages, to be used, as a reminder to myself, as well as others.

And still, at this moment, I’m feeling, kinda anxious about, not posting anything of value on Facebook for so long now.

And so, this, is two people’s opinion on the usage of Facebook, and, undeniably, Facebook had become, the way we connect with one another, as it’d connected strangers, but, do remember, the saying of how the more you friends you have on Facebook, the less friends you have for real, because you’re spending all that time online, “following” the goings on of those Face friends, instead of getting face-to-face interactions with those who are next to you.

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Filed under Being Exposed, Communications, Connections, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Facebook, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Observations, The Observer Effect

With the Right Usage, the Words Come Out Right, and Everybody Can be a Motivational Speaker

The magical properties of those words, translated…

Words have souls, every single world, or phrase, can ignite a long line of associations in one’s emotions.  For this, those who can use the words well, if you can transfer the use of words, into the verbal communications with someone, then, you can clarify the point of your speeches to others.

Just like how from before I’d stated how “so” and “but” would give hints about what’s to come next, and how different people expect the words that followed these two to be: one leads toward the results, the other, brings about denying, and turning someone down, researches from linguistics showed, that a LOT of the couples started arguing from the word “but”.

Everybody would want to be in a situation where you don’t blurt the wrong things out, you can try to write down what you wanted to say first, tone it up, then, you can become an expert word user too, and say things that are wise, from other’s points of view.

So, this is all about communicating, isn’t it?  The purpose of communicating is to just get your points ACROSS, and, there are instances when emotions must be taken into considerations, and, because there’s NO book telling us how to behave, in which situations we come across, we can only go with our previous experiences…

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Filed under Communications, Lessons, Life, Professional Opinions, Properties of Life, Socialization

Conversations Online…

The MINIMALIST approach to interactions…

Sup!  Not much…and that, is ‘bout it, and that, is what conversations online reduced human interactions to, and, because of this MAGIC invention of the WWW, this had, turned into the TREND of things, of how we relate to one another.

Conversations online, I got so much to say to you when we’re “chatting” via some IM program online, but, when we met up, we’d both fell silent, WHY, is that?  I mean, has something changed, when we met up in person?  Do those conversations online work better, because we have NO idea what one another look like, which means, that we CAN’T make judgments based on how one another appeared?  And, what’s changed, now that we’d met up face-to-face, am I not what you expected?  Are you not, what I thought?

That, would be the problem with conversations online, because, when you talk online, you can mask yourselves up as whatever or WHOEVER, but, when the two of you go out, meet up, face-to-face, that façade is, lift off, and, surely enough, you will get disappointed over one another, because you held that expectation of who one another is, when you hadn’t met up yet, which is why, a LOT of the interactions worked so well when the two of you were just “conversing” online, and, don’t work at all, when the two of you sit down, FACE-to-FACE!

Conversations online, with the use of emoticons, abbreviated words like lol, so, instead of seeing someone actually, LAUGHING at that NOT-EVEN-FUNNY joke you’d just told, you’d get that EGO boost, which was much needed, and that, is how you two maintain connection, rapport online, until when the two of you really actually meet up together, FACE-to-FACE, then, everything goes WHAM, CRASHED!

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When the Only Interaction with the World You Shared is Limited to Online

This, is really, really BAD!!!  But, because of all those current developments of modern day technologies, there’s NO way of avoiding this, I’m afraid…

When the only interactions with the world you shared is limited to online, you are missing out, on a HELL of a lot, you don’t get to see that look of excitement, when you tell someone the good news about whatever, you can only imagine the way they looked.

When the only interactions with the world you shared is limited to online, then, you are, a modern day CAVEMAN, and, with little to NO physical interactions with the outside world, you’ll become, very strange, and, end up like that WEIRD lady with ten THOUSAND cats in that cul-de-sac of that neighborhood, you know, the house where as the kids walked by there, they’d all become, tippy-toed, and hushed?

When the only interactions you shared with the world is online, then, you’d lost the physical connections with people, and, you may have a ZILLION friends on Facebook, or some other online social networking sites, but, HOW many of those “friends”, can you count on, when you’re in trouble?  That’s still, uh, let me C-O-U-N-T………(this, is me, counting???): N-O-N-E!

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Filed under Awareness, Communications, Connections, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Issues of the Society, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Socialization

Learn to Read, Then You’ll Be Able to Commuicate Effectively

How to effective communicate, an IMPORTANT lesson indeed, translated…

A lot of people wished and hoped that they could have excellent communication skills, and, there had been an influx of books on the topics, naturally, some felt, that having good communication skills can be trained, so they’re willing to pay the big bucks for it.  And, all of these views, are only, half-way there, the most primitive form of communication starts with the families.

The parents are our earliest models of human interactions, through observing our parents’ ways, we’d started modeling after the way they’d communicated with one another, the influence of the parents is especially important, in helping the child to establish interpersonal relationships and communications as well.

But, some would say, that my parents aren’t really talkative, they’d not even proven that I’m too talkative to the others in the world, because they told me, that the world is dangerous, feared that I might get tricked, then, does that mean, that I will NEVER be able to communicate well with others?

If there’s a need, there must be a “cure”, otherwise, where do you think all those books on communicating well come from?  With an inherent disadvantage, you can still make up for it.  Good communication can be established with reading habits, not just reading in silence, but to read aloud, and to write it all out too.

You all must be very curious as to why that is.

Here, reading means the generals of knowing how to observe, to model after the right kinds of ways you’d communicate, and to adjust your ways of conversing with others through the observations of micro facial expressions.  But, observation can only be achieved through staring at someone else nonstop, being mistook for a psycho; reading, however, is much simpler, through the words on the pages, you’d be able to visual what is going on, all of these, are learning that occurs later on in life, something that is not inborn.

For instance, in middle school, the students would fight to read those novels of sword fights, and, in the off-periods, everybody would talk about it, and made gestures, as if we were the characters in the stories, about to duel it out, and this, is the prove of practicing communications.

And, another mentioned way, writing, is also an alternative way to communicate, and it would help the brain to connect and structure the words, when the dialogues are presented in written form, you will find, that you’re ability to express yourselves have increased.

With the combinations of reading more, after accumulating enough vocabularies, then, you’re conversations become more and more enriched too.

On mentioning of writing, everybody must be wondering, what would words have anything to do with communication?

Let me give you an example, in on conversations, we’d often used the word, “so”, “but”, and, from a written perspective, “so” represented the results, however, “but” is meant to disregard it.

The occurrences of “but” is way higher than “so” in verbal communications, and, it would make people confused, initiate a misunderstanding, even, a fight.  This, is the igniting keyword for a lot of the family disputes as well.  And so, “but”, should be listed as one of the “carefully used” words for verbal communication, because it rarely occurs in a pleasant conversation.

Of course, other than “but”, there are, a lot of other words, arranged differently, can create different meanings, and, all of these are, the wonders, of using words.

Reading is the basis of establishing means of communication, and, practicing talking and listening, is the start, of building up of great interpersonal relationships.  The next time we’ll discuss how to use words, to create influence in life, so, more people will notice you.

And so, there you have it, the KEYS to communicating well, and, you DO have to read first, before you can effectively communicate, and here, reading does not mean flipping through those pages of books, it also includes observing other people’s nonverbal cues toward what you have to say, after all, don’t over seventy-percent of communication happen NONVERBALLY? (Correct me if I’m wrong!!!), so, it IS important, to keep an eye on other people’s expressions when you’re talking to them too.

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Filed under Communications, Expectations, Lessons, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Socialization, The Observer Effect

The Disclosures to a Stranger

Translated…

In the depth of autumn that year, I’d gotten the call from my eldest brother, telling me, that our mother was not going to make it, so, I’d packed some simple needs, rushed back home.  With the straits opening up, on the boat from Kinmen to Xiamen, there sat a kind-looking older woman next to me, she saw how I had this worried look on my face, thought that I was suffering from the motion sickness from the boat moving too much, she’d shown me some care and concerns, “Are you okay?  Do you need some assistance?”

The woman’s kindness touched my heart, and, I’d told her that my mother’s about to die, and that I was rushing home, to see her, that it may be the very last time I will ever get to see her.  But, my husband had just lost his job, with our two young children, I worried about my mother’s conditions, at the same time, I’m also distressed about my two young children back home in Taipei, and, a thousand worries filled me up, and, my moods dropped, to the lows of the lows.

I don’t know why, but I’d poured my heart out, to a complete stranger.  As the older woman listened in silence, and, nodded from time to time, to let me know, that she understood what I was going through, after I’d finished talking, I felt this weight, lifted off of me, and, I was filled, with the strengths, to take on the unknowns of my future.

These couple of years, in going to and from the straights, I’d also bumped into strangers who’d poured their hearts out to me too.  When I met someone, with whom I’d shared the affinities, I would, strike up conversations with them share with them, what was on my mind.  During our short meetings, we didn’t need to know where one another was from, where we’re going, without the masks, the vulnerabilities inside us all, started to show, and gotten the release they’d needed.  Then, we’d waved to one another, turned around lightly, with the courage, and the strengths, to face up to the next challenges in our separate lives.

So, this, is the advantage of, pouring your hearts out to a complete stranger, like those people with whom you’d met, for the very first time, because, they don’t know you, so, they wouldn’t have that preconceived notion about you, and so, the interactions would be more than genuine, and, by pouring your hearts out to a complete stranger, your worries found an outlet, and, you felt that burden you’d carried from before lifted, just a little bit, from your shoulders, and, you’re more than likely to, lend that helping ear to someone else who needs in the future, and that, is how the cycle of kindness also rolls around.

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Filed under Communications, Connections, Helping Behaviors, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Life

When We Can Only Relate to One Another Online But Not Face-to-Face…

The DOWNSIDE of ALL of those social networking sites…unfortunately, this, is what we’re currently looking at!

When we can only relate to one another online but not face-to-face, why IS that?  We had so much to chit chat about when we were “connected” online, so, how come, there’s this deafening silence between us, now that we’d met up?  When we can only relate to one another online, but not face-to-face, perhaps, it’s because we’re interacting, through the medium of a screen, that we feel safer, less exposed, compared to when we sit face-to-face, at that café, for that uneasy AND awkward blind first date.

When we can only relate to one another online, but not face-to-face, and, this, is all due to this overgrowth of reliance on the internet, to connect people of the world, and, just like that statement: the MORE friends you have on FB, the LESS friends you have for real still rings true!

When we can only relate to one another online, but not face-to-face, well, maybe, those married couples out there can “ding-dong” one another, for cups of coffee, instead of turning their heads to say, “hey, you mind getting me a cup of coffee?”

 

 

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Filed under Being Exposed, Communications, Connections, Cost of Living, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Messed Up Values, Observations, Wake Up Calls

My Husband’s Misinterpreted Me

The interactions between a couple here, translated…

Early in the morn, before my husband headed out into the community to volunteer, he’d told me, that he was going to get two boxes of dumplings from the old streets home after the activities were over, that way, we’d have our servings of protein, as well as starch too, and all I needed to do, was to broil up some vegetables, and there goes our suppers.

At six-thirty in the evening, the moment my husband walked in, he’d shouted out with excitement, “I got some pan-fried dumplings!”

I was washing the veggies, and, my face turned, and I’d asked him with an annoyance, “didn’t we agree on getting dumplings?”

“You’re the one who told me you wanted the pan-fried dumplings, that, was why I’d bought them!”, his face also turned colors.

“Why do you always NOT get the message I’d sent?”, I could no longer hold down my anger anymore, “Pan-friend dumplings are fried with oil, while dumplings are cooked with water, which one’s healthier?  If it were me, would I choose something that’s so unhealthy?”

“I distinctly heard you said that you hadn’t had pan-friend dumplings for a long time, so that, was why I’d stood in line, especially to buy them for you, if I’d gotten the dumplings, then, I wouldn’t have needed to stand in line!”, my husband looked so innocent.

“So, you’re the one who wanted it.”, I’d finally decoded his hidden messages, but I’d still felt fumed on the inside, “Do you NOT recall how many RED markings there were on your health exams?”  “Oh!  I’d bought it already, so, won’t you give it a rest already?”, my husband is now, getting annoyed.

Yeah!  It’s been such a long time, since I’d had those pan-fried dumplings, and, they smelled amazing, because of how hungry I was, I’d stopped grilling him.

I was naturally timid and feared the darkness, in the depth of the nights, after my husband went back to bed, I could still slouch up on the couch, to watch those late night soaps, naturally, it was because of the company of my dearly beloved husband.

If we dissected our lives, and analyzed everything, the conclusions we arrive at would be that “life is made up of the smaller matters of daily living”, same as in marriage.  Living this long, I’d already come to understand: we must tolerate how sometimes, we would misunderstand one another in communication, that there may be sparks from time to time, life would then, be happy, and our marriages, steady.

I’ came to bed, saw my husband already fast asleep, I felt more than comforted, I’d gotten closer to him, to snuggle, closed by eyes, and, deleted all the bad emotions for the entire day, one, by one.

This, is an example of NEVER going to bed angry, and, sometimes, even IF you’re married for a long time, there would still be misreading one another’s messages, and, at this time, great tolerances would be needed, to resolve the issues, like this woman had come to her senses on the matter, after all, the two of you are going for the long run together, aren’t you???

 

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Filed under Communications, Expectations, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship

Being Put Down by Her “Better Half”

The interactions of a husband & a wife, translated…

Meng taught at a private technical high school.  Her husband is a professor at a university, when they were just wed, it’d made everybody envious of them.  Unexpectedly though, a few days ago, Meng called me up, told me she wanted to divorce her husband.

Upon hearing, I was shocked, and I just asked her all about it, Meng told me she’d worked for a private technical high school, and is regularly under great pressure, every time she’d gone home, and said a few words of complaints to her husband, he’d put her down.  Meng said, that the purpose of her, pouring her heart out at him was not so he could talk down to her some more, nor was she looking for a solution from him, for her problems at work, she just hoped, that he could, keep his horses, and hear her rant for a bit, instead of putting salt on her wounds, and turning her down, invalidating her feelings.  After I’d heard, other than trying to calm her down, I’d shared my own experiences with her.

When my children were in the middle school years, they attended the school where I taught, and, as the children of teachers, the spotlight was often on them, and so, when my sons didn’t do that well at school, and was shown care and concerns by others, I’d told my husband, that I was under great pressures, he’d always acted so relaxed, as if it wasn’t even related to him; he’d even told me, so long as my children grow up healthy and strong, the grades don’t really matter.  Later on, my daughter had gotten into a very famous language school in the south, and my son, into a very good high school too.

When my son was in his junior year in college, he’d told us he wanted to drop out and start his own business, I’d almost passed out, I’d hoped, my husband could talk him out of it, but my husband told me, to take care of myself first, and that the children will have their own blessings in life, to not worry so much.  And now, my son had not only graduated from university, he’d also served his army terms, and is ready, to head off abroad for a graduate degree.  Two years ago, my daughter wanted to go to the States to study too, she didn’t want to go through a middleman company, did everything herself, in the end, all the schools she’d applied to for the first year didn’t take her at all, I was so totally worried, and, my husband said coldly, “why you so hurried, when the timing is right, she shall fly!”, turns out, my daughter flew abroad without any troubles last year, and is now, living her dreams of going to study abroad.

I told Meng, at the time when my husband said those words to me, I too, felt, that he was turning me down, and was very annoying, but later on, I’d thought about it, everything he’d told me was reasonable too, and, if the two of us got into it back then, then, the results may have been a whole lot worse.

And so, I’d told Meng, “it is difficult, making a marriage work, and if you can’t change him, then, change your thoughts, see him as your best guardian then!” but, I believe, that at the time of the events, as husbands, you should NOT say anything, just give your other half a hug, that, is the best way to soothe them.

And here, you still see the gender difference of the expectations of what we women are searching for, when we complained to you, and how you would automatically TACKLE our problems FOR us, when in actuality, all you need, is to just SIT, and listen to us rant, and, after we ranted whatever it was that was bugging the HELL out of us to you, we feel, a WHOLE lot better, but, you losers still take that “problem-solving” approach, and this, will ALWAYS be what’s between the genders when we communicate, because that, is how the male and female minds think differently!

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