Category Archives: Do-Not-Resuscitate

the D.N.R.

Because of Your Not Ready to Let Me Go, I Had to, Suffer, Longer than I Had to…

tattooed, around the area where the tube is, supposed to, go in…photo from online

I’d been found, in the TERMINAL stage of cancer, it’d, progressed too advance, metastasized, took over, my other organs as well, but because of your not ready to let me go, I had to, suffer, longer than I had to.

I get, that you love me, and couldn’t see me die, but heck, EVERYBODY dies, I’d, already, come to understand that, through the course, of this, illness, and, as my cancer had, progressed, little, by little each and every day, I’d, become, less than all I once was, I’d lost, ALL my dignities, I’d started, wearing DIAPERS for crying on loud, and needed people, to carry me up and down, and I can’t even, sit STRAIGHT, in my god damn, WHEELCHAIR either!

Despite everything that’s been done, my cancer is still “on”, in fact, it’s, MORE than on, and, this last round of chemo, it’d, left me, so FUCKING weak, I can’t even see anything in front of my eyes now.

查看來源圖片the forms…photo from online

Is this the way, I want to live? HELL no! And yet, you’re, still, keeping me here, but W-H-Y, huh? Why do you, HATE me so, that you feel compelled, to DRAG me through this SHIT in these dying days of mine? And, why can’t I, just, have some peace, and just, live from breath to breath?

I’m NOT afraid to D-I-E, by any measures, in fact, I wish I were DEAD now, and yet, look at, these tubes that are, attached to my body, there’s one, to drain out the excess fluids, one that’s, in my arms, to draw the blood out for testing’s sake, and oh, do you not see, this tube that’s, stuck down MY fucking throat here? And, don’t EVEN, get ME started, on what feeding time is like every single time here???

Now, ask yourselves this: would THIS be the way, you all want to, live out the rest of your lives? And, if you could have a choice, wouldn’t you, just, want someone, to PULL the P-L-U-G-S?

So, why are you, still, keeping your own loved ones, connected to that monitor, beeping, beeping, beeping, beeping, beeping, and beeping away, huh?

This is, completely, I-N-H-U-M-A-N-E, and NOBODY deserves to, LIVE like this, especially, NOT during those, final days, years, months of her/his, life………

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Bowie Tseng Witnessed Life & Death Firsthand, “Leaving is What He Wanted to Do the Most”

The interviews with those considering euthanasia, whose been in ailing health conditions, from the Entertainment Sections, translated…

Bowie Tseng in Basel, Switzerland, witnessed the 104-year-old Australian biologist, Goodall, ending his own life by euthanasia, in the final three days of his life, she’d stayed with him, ate with him, held conversations, in that final moment, she was, filled with ambiguity inside, “in just one hour, he will be gone, and I’d messed up the time he should be spending with him family, because of work, until he’d finally asked those around him, ‘what are we waiting for?’, the employees of the clinic told him, ‘there are still forms we need to fill out’, he’d sighed, ‘there are always forms to be filled out’, at that moment, I’d, let go, I shouldn’t use my own sorrows, to interpret him leaving the world happy, that’s what he wanted to do the most, as a bystander, we should, give him our blessings.”

獨家/親眼目睹百歲生態學家安樂死 曾寶儀:巨大震撼!photo fo Bowie Tseng interviewing the elderly man in Switzerland, from UDN.com…

Bowie Tseng took the documentary filming, in the past few months, she’d trekked to Great Britain, Switzerland, the Netherlands, and Ireland, to interview those who’d lost their loved ones by euthanasia, and in February, she’d also, interviewed the activist for euthanasia in Taiwan, Dar-Jen Fu, “he’s weak, needed morphine to stay alive, in the interview sessions, he was still full of responsibilities, claimed the purpose of his wanting his own death.” And, before she set foot to go to Switzerland, she’d thought of a million questions to ask Goodall, the biggest shock for her, “I’d never interviewed anybody who’d determined her/his own date of death, how do I go about approaching him, how do I ask my question, to not be offensive toward him, how do I, say goodbye.”

Bowie Tseng said, “He’s older than I imagined him to be, I’d held onto the oldest hands I’d ever shaken, with the years on them, wrinkles, spots, and because of muscular atrophy, the joints were very apparent, but he was still very strong. I’d gone with him and his family to the botanic gardens for a stroll, he’d petted the plants along the way, I’d asked him if he was saying goodbye to them all, and he’d asked me, ‘why would I?’, at that very moment, I’d found, all the questions I’d wanted to ask him to lose meaning, because he doesn’t care anymore.”

There’d been war between the pro and anti euthanasia groups, Bowie interviewed a British elderly woman, who was born with severe handicap, and in the entire interview, she’d needed the respirator connect to her, and every fifteen minutes, the nurse had needed to help get the phlegm out of her lungs, but because of her optimism toward life, and her two marriages, despite how bad her conditions for staying alive was, she’d spoken up against euthanasia, and her speech had helped altered British law, and, gotten the parliament to vote against euthanasia. And BBC filmed the life of “Simon”, the businessman who had ALS, who’d not progressed to the point when euthanasia should be a consideration for him, he was accompanied by his own wife, to have it, as the footages come out into the open, it’d shaken up the entire world. Bowie Tseng said, “I’d interviewed his wife this time, and she’d told me she was regrettable for doing this, she believed, that death is not the business of the individual, although you may be ill, but you still don’t have the rights, to take away the time your family gets to spend with you.”

something used, to show that you don’t want to be resuscitated, photo from online…

After this experience, Bowie Tseng said, “I will work hard, to cherish my life every day, every gathering with friends, every meal, I will work hard, to make all of this meaningful.”

And so, because this woman was personally interacting with these individuals who are in the process of getting euthanized, it’d impacted her, on a personal level, and, she’d bore witness to how bad someone was living, and yet, still was against euthanasia, this is probably going to be, the most memorable experience of interview that this woman will ever have in her entire life.

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Wanting to Grow Old with Children Accompanying

The trials someone faces toward the end of a loved one’s life, translated…

“We’d all wanted to hold our children’s hands, to watch them get older, but unfortunately, fate had other plans………” as Shu-Mei talked, she’d started, sobbing. She’d shared with the patients and the families, her own experiences, “Do we, or don’t we resuscitate?”, that is the final questions, that a lot of the terminally ill patients will face, it’s also, a heart wrenching memory for Shu-Mei, her husband had been gone sixteen years now, and yet, that intense heartache had, stayed.

Her husband was diagnosed with a rare condition when he was forty-six, he’d become bedridden for over a decade, and, couldn’t control anything, he’d already, become so discouraged, to the end, when he was on the respirators, he’d still had difficulties breathing, the doctor said, that only a tracheotomy can save his life, and, her husband wanted to die, and they’d, turned down the doctor’s offers, but, as their daughter came to see him with her five-month-old son, it’d, sparked his will to live again.

The doctor saw how he was hesitant, gave them three weeks to think about it, during which time, Shu-Mei lost a lot of weight, the whole family was living under this, dark cloud. If they’d decided to put him on a respirator, the patient will be living, off of the respirators; if they don’t, then, very shortly thereafter, he would die, he will, NEVER see her husband again. Shu-Mei was confused on what she should do, her husband asked her, “Do you want me to die?” She’d naturally not be willing to let him go, started crying, and became, silent, and respected whatever he’d, decided. It’s just, that during these years counting down toward death, he’d always worn his frowns, and, gotten stuck between life and death, don’t’ know if he’d, regretted it?

圖/豆寶illustration from the papers…

“Back then, the medication had yet to pass the coverage of the health insurance plans, it was very expensive, there were the expandable items of phlegm tubes, the diapers, the feeding tubes, the caretaker’s fees………”, Shu-Mei told me, even as her whole family started saving up, it wouldn’t be possible for them, to pay for his care, she’d needed to work days and nights, and his daughter part-time through school, and they’d needed monetary assistance from their families, friends, relatives every now and then too. For the years, the medical bills, she’d, stuffed them all inside a drawer, and after her husband passed, she’d started, sorting through them, and, the amount exceeded five million dollars, she could bought a house with the money saved up. “Although taking him off life support only took a total of fifteen minutes, but there’s, such a high price for it, and, as life continued, and the patient had, suffered, it’d also, put the loved ones under great duress.” Shu-Mei told me, the pain, got in too deep, into her heart, that it’d, slowly, suffocated her.

A woman in the support group, whose husband was ill, started, sobbing after she’d heard, she said that they’re currently, facing this difficult choice, especially that they didn’t have enough money saved up, and she worried that she’s not as strong as Shu-Mei had been. Another woman looked worried, that her husband just had an intubation, at the age of thirty-something, he’d, fallen very ill, her mother-in-law loved this youngest son the most, and couldn’t stand seeing him die, and even if her son can no longer call her mom, even if he’s kept alive by those machines, she was willing, to keep him alive. It’s just, that the wife found, that her husband, when his own mother wasn’t looking, he’d tried, to disconnect himself from life support, seeing how twisted and in pain her husband’s face became, she said, that there isn’t a day she hadn’t cried.

Shu-Mei patted her gently on the shoulders, and cried with her, “We all want to grow old with our children, having each other with, but, fate wouldn’t allow it”. If it’s already set, then, just live with it, everything shall pass eventually. Shu-Mei consoled with the woman in her support group.

This, is a hard issue to deal, to let go, or to keep hanging on, but, when the patient is suffering so much, it’s only the right thing to do, to unplug her/him off life support, but, a part of you just, wasn’t willing, to let someone you love die, and so, you have to, struggle hard over the matter, and, eventually, you will, realize, that letting the person you loved dearly die is the best choice, because, keeping the person alive, means prolonging their sufferings, and, nobody wants to see their loved ones suffer toward the end.

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Early Death, Their Way, by: J. Hoffman

Early Death, Their Way, by: J. Hoffman

From The New York Times that came with today’s paper…

Tumors had disfigured Ashley Leigh McHale’s features and spread to her organs.  A year ago, AshLeigh, 17, flew from her home in Catoosa, Oklahoma, to the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, with thin hope of slowing her melanoma.

A social worker stopped by her hospital room, and they began a conversation that would be inconceivable to most teenagers: If death approached and AshLeigh could no longer speak, what would she want her loved ones to know?

The social worker showed AshLeigh a new planning guide to help critically ill young patients express their preferences for their final days—and afterward.

If visitors arrived when AshLeigh was asleep, did she want to be woken?  What about life support?  Funeral details?  Who should inherit her computer?  Or Bandit, her dachshund?

When she died in July, AshLeigh was at home as she had requested.  Per her instructions, she was laid out for the funeral in her favorite jeans, cowgirls boots and the white shirt she had gotten for Christmas.  Later, the family dined, as AshLeigh had directed, on steak fajitas and corn on the cob.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I’d had to make these decisions during our extreme grief,” said her mother, Ronda McHale.  “But she did it all for me.  Even though she got to where she couldn’t speak, AshLeigh had her say.”

A national push to have end-of-life discussions before a patient is too sick to participate has focused largely on older adults.  Recently, providers have begun approaching teenagers and young adults directly, giving them a voice in these decisions.

“Adolescents are competent enough to discuss their end-of-life preferences,” said Pamela S. Hinds, a contributor on pediatrics for “Dying in America,” a 2014 report by the nonprofit Institute of Medicine.  “Studies show they prefer to be involved and have not been harmed by any such involvement.”

There are no firm estimates of the number of young patients facing life-threatening diseases at any given time.  Cancer, heart disease and congenital deformities together account for an estimated eleven percent of deaths among adolescents in America, about 1,700 per year.  And thousands live with the uncertainty of grave illness.

“If you are one of the children for whom this matters, or one of their parents, this is a huge opportunity,” said Dr. Chris Feudtner, a pediatric palliative care physician and ethicist at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.

But shifting from hushed talks with parents to conversations that include young patients has met some resistance.  Many doctors lack training about how to raise these topics with teenagers.

Yet research shows that avoiding these talks exacerbates the teenage patient’s fear and sense of isolation.

In a 2012 survey examining end-of-life attitude among adolescent patients with H.I.V., fifty-six percent said that not being able to discuss their preferences was “a fate worse than death.”  In a 2013 study, adolescents and parents described such talks as emotionally healing.

Teenage patients can guide, even lead, their medical care, Dr. Freudner said.  Including them in the discussions acknowledges a terrible fact that patients and family members struggle to keep from each other: the likelihood of death.  “Then people can be together, as opposed to be alone,” Dr. Freudner said.  The teenage patient can address intimate topics, including, “the scariest aspects of the human condition—mortality and pain—but also love, friendship and connection.”

Karly Koch, a college student from Muncie, Indiana, has been treated for many serious illnesses, including Stage four lymphoma, all related to a rare genetic immune disorder.  Her older sister, Kelsey, died of the condition at twenty-two.

Last spring, Karly, then nineteen, developed congestive heart failure.  As Karly lay in the intensive care at the National Institute of Health, a psychotherapist approached her mother, Tammy, with the new planning guide.

“Do we talk about dying?” Mrs. Koch recalled wondering.  “Maybe Karly hasn’t thought about it—do we put it in her head?”

“We had already buried a child and had to guess what she wanted,” she continued.  “So we wanted Karly to have a voice.”

Karly’s reaction?  “She said it wasn’t like we were telling her something she didn’t already know,” Mrs. Koch said.

The guide used by Karly Koch and AshLeigh McHale is called “Voicing My Choices.”  It is the first guide created for adolescent and young adult patients.

The intention was to create a way for them “to make choices about what nurtures, protects and affirms their remaining life and how they wish to be remembered,” said Lori Wiener, a principal investigator on the research that led to the planning guides.

In straightforward language, the guide offers young patients check boxes for medical decisions like pain management.  Another section asks about comfort.  Favorite foods?  Music?  What gives you strength of joy, the guide asks.  What do you wish to be forgiven for?

By offering young patients opportunities to write farewell letters, donate their bodies to research and create rituals for remembering them, the planning guide allays one of their greatest fears: They are too young to leave a meaningful legacy.

Last July, Karly Koch had an experimental bone marrow transplant.  With twelve medications a day and a surgical mask, she is out and about in Muncie.  Karly takes classes to become a physical therapy assistant.  She delights in “normal people” activities.

Her parents keep Karly’s copy of “Voicing My Choices” in their bedroom cabinet.  “It isn’t gloomy to go through,” Karly said.  “It’s kind of fun to get your feelings out there.”

“Now looking at it,” she continued, “I think I’d like to add some things.”

So, this, is a way, of helping young people who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses cope with their own final affairs, and, it’s a great thought, because it will give the families some comfort, knowing that their offspring had the chance, of voicing their opinions on how they wanted to go, and it gives respects to the terminally ill, and shows respect toward life too.

 

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The Tragedies that Were Caused by Misunderstandings in Terminal Care

On the medical fronts, translated…

From the horrible experience of a 24-year-old young woman diagnosed with liver cancer:

Even though, Pearl had been inoculated with hepatitis B shots as she was younger, but because the antibodies were gone, she’d still contracted hepatitis B.  She didn’t know she needed to go for an abdominal ultrasound every six months, along with the importance of getting her alpha FP fetal proteins checked, and when she’d found out she had liver cancer, the tumor was already nine centimeters, too big to be removed.

The family decided to not tell her, just told her, that it was a benign tumor.  Pearl believed the words of her family and friends, and only took to natural therapies and alternative therapies.  But the cancer cells spread too quickly, in a short four months time, the patient was already terminal, and she’d felt a ton of abdominal pains.

Pearl’s mother works for a church, the pastor’s wife had positive experiences with terminal care, she’d worked hard, to convince the parents to send the daughter into the terminal treatment ward, to allow her to be well taken care of in the body, the mind, the soul and the heart.  Pearl’s parents went for a tour in the terminal ward, felt satisfied, and hoped to place their daughter there; but unfortunately, Pearl’s sister refused, said, “as long as my sister is alive, I will NEVER allow her to be placed in the terminal wards!”

And so, Pearl stayed in the regular ward, but because they couldn’t manage the pains well, she’d cried out in pain every single day, and wanted to die.  And she’d lived on for three more weeks afterwards, and, the girl passed away, in her own screams, as the tumors in her liver burst open.

The Common Misconception that the Public Has for Terminal Care

Most of the knowledge that the Taiwanese people have of terminal care is negative, but in reality, terminal care is already in abundance in the more advanced countries, and the WHO spoke positively of it, that it’s a modern day method, to making the quality of life better for the terminally ill.

Terminal care is not the same as waiting for death, nor is it giving up hope, or giving up on the aggressive treatments!  After all, there IS no such terms as “aggressive treatments” or “passive treatments”.  Related treatment measures include: healing, controlling the illnesses, supportive treatments, less invasive therapies, along with terminal care, which option one chooses, should be reliant on the conditions, and not on which doctor’s methods the patients choose to follow, or which ward they’re staying in.

For instance, a person with multiple organ failures, because of her/his vital organs had failed, and couldn’t trade in for a brand new set, even though, the person is in the ICU, at this time, the only thing that CAN be done is the supportive and the alleviating types of therapies.

And so, this, is why there’s a need for this terminal care program, because we don’t want our loved ones, or ourselves, to suffer to the very end, do we?  Nope, and yet, because there’s barely ANY education in the matter, that, is why the subject is not being discussed enough at all.

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A Father Couldn’t Continue to See His Son with Acute Lymphoma Suffer, So, He’d Let Him Go

From the MSN news pages in Taiwan, translated…

This, would be the biggest blessing for Yun-Han, because he won’t be made to suffer any longer; it’s also a blessing of our love toward him, and we wouldn’t blame each other for any of it.

“I’d told him, daddy says, you will totally get discharged from the hospital today.  Getting out of the hospital could mean going home, or going to the home in heaven, but, you WILL go home today!” at the end of the year four years ago, the C.E.O of the Carnegie Foundation in Taiwan, promised his seven-year-old son who’d been diagnosed with acute leukemia, Yun-Han Hei.

“I did keep my promise (meant the child did get discharged from the hospital on that day!)”, after he’d spoken, Li-Yen Hei started sniffling his nose.  His wife, Yuan Chu too, bid farewell to their son.

An hour after that, the young boy, Hei finally gave up his fight of a year and four days.

“I’m a fighter that won’t give up until the last second, and I feel, that it wasn’t time yet.  But, I’m real glad, that Li-Yen had reminded me to say my goodbye to our son.”  Chu told the press, with her beautiful smile.

Being able to say the proper goodbyes at the final stage of life, is a blessing in its own, for those who were survived, and those who’d passed away.

At first, Hei and Chu were onboard for the invasive treatment measures that their son had undergone.

Yun-Han had a high fever on Christmas Eve, and was rushed to the emergency room of NTU Hospital, and that same day, the doctors confirmed their diagnosis of acute leukemia, his white blood cell count rose up to forty thousand and he was immediately admitted into the children’s intensive care unit.

The doctor on duty at the E.R. that day was the expert on children leukemia, Xien-Tang Chou, who’d mapped out a plan of attack for the family, and he’d told the parents, that they’re working with St. Jude’s Children’s Cancer Research Hospital in the U.S., plus, Hei’s younger brother, is the assistant manager of the Washington University Seattle hospital, he too, helped with the reading of the charts.

The parents ended up giving up on the treatment options, because they saw how much pain their son had undergone, and decided to let go of him, and, it must’ve been really hard, after all, the child is still very young, his life hadn’t even started yet, and, for the parents to give up on the treatment options, it must’ve been a really hard struggle, but, they decided it’s for the best, because they don’t want their young son to suffer so much, after all, the treatments are too painful for adult, and this, is a child we’re talkin’ ‘bout here…

 

 

 

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He Couldn’t Stand to See His Wife Being Tortured by Her Illness, He’d Murdered Her in the Hospital Ward, Then, Attempt to Commit Suicide

Tragedy that stemmed from too much burden on the primary caretaker’s shoulders, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The retired veteran pulled up the drapes, stabbed his own wife’s chest once, then, stabbed himself twice, there were six or seven other people in the same hospital room, and they never noticed, the neighbors didn’t believe it, “He loved his wife dearly”.

A retired serviceman, Ku, didn’t want to see his wife keep on being tortured by her illness continuously, yesterday at noon, he’d asked the caretaker to go away, in the MacKay Hospital in Danshui, was suspected of stabbing his wife to death, then attempted to commit suicide; there were six to seven OTHERS in the same hospital ward, but nobody noticed anything, it wasn’t until an hour later when his friends came by to visit, was he discovered, and, his life was spared.

“Please, just give me the death penalty!”, the eighty-three year old elderly man, Ku lay weakly on the bed, and was very helpful in answering the inquiries of the district attorney; he’d told the D.A. “Even though I’m a murderer, but, don’t be afraid of me.”, as he begged to be given the death penalty, he wanted to follow his wife.  The D.A. considered that he’d admitted to murdering his own wife, and that he was injured and elderly, that there was NO need to jail him, said that his bail was set at $100,000N.T., and, returned him to his family.  The elderly man, Ku’s children couldn’t believe that their father had murdered their mother, they’d melted down.

The police pointed out, that the sixty-four year old Kuo, started nine years ago, would faint often and have dizzy spells a lot, just last month, she’d passed out abruptly, and was rushed to the MacKay Memorial Hospital in Taipei, and was diagnosed with viral encephalitis, and sent to the ICU, at the bottom of last month, she was transferred to the neural department hospital ward in the Danshui hospitals, the family hired an around-the-clock bedside assistant for her just last month, and the elderly man would go accompany his wife every single day, and didn’t go home until dusk, and had made soup for his own wife too.

The woman was bedridden and couldn’t walk, but is lucid, the caretaker, Yeh said, that yesterday, she’d taken the elderly to rehabilitation, at eleven fifty, she’d returned back to the hospital ward.  Ku told him to take her lunch, she’d returned to the hospital room at twelve thirty, and found the curtains drawn, and she saw the elderly man lying on the folding bed next to the hospital bed, she thought they needed time together, and so, she’d left them alone.

Ku’s neighbor, a woman named Chen went to visit them at one in the afternoon, back then, the other two beds had three to four visitors conversing, she’d asked about here Kuo was, and when she’d pulled open the curtains, she’d screamed, and carried the bloody knife back to the nurse’s station for assistance.

Kuo was lying in her bed, with multiple layers of clothes covering up her face, there was a knife wound in her chest area, in the heart; the elderly man, Ku slashed his own left wrist, and stabbed his own torso on the right side.  The paramedics worked hard, to resuscitate Kuo, but she still died, and, after Ku was rushed to the E.R., he was okay.

Ku told, that he and his wife married for forty years, had never had a spat, that his wife was hospitalized for encephalitis in August, and when it got serious, she was in a coma, he didn’t want to see her keep suffering, that, was why he’d taken the advantage of the time when the foreign bedside assistant was out on lunch, to kill his own wife.  The D.A. and the police examined the wife’s body, and found that the knife wound on her chest was what killed her, and they’re going to do an autopsy at another date, to clarify the cause of death; and Ku’s own knife wound on his abdomen wasn’t just on the surface, it showed that he’d intended to kill himself.

The neighbors said that Ku loved his wife dearly, and never heard them fight, and sometimes, they would go out together, to walk, none of them believed he was capable of murdering his own wife.

Because taking care of one’s own spouse became way too hard, and, she’s NOT getting any better, and so, killing her, putting HER out of HER misery seemed like the only logical thing to do, and, that, would be from the “humane” side of things, but, from the legal front, you are taking the life of another human being, and that, is just wrong, and so, there’s a LOT of moral concerns up for debate on this one…

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