Category Archives: Loneliness/Solitude

The Solitary of Your, Confinement

These four walls, the solitary of your, confinement, you can’t, EVER, break out of that, you’re now, trapped for L-I-F-E!  You will long to, reach out, but, nobody’s “out there”, as you’d, “off-the-grid” living in an, undisclosed, location (kinda like the “address” of my ivory tower???).

The solitary of your, confinement, you got nobody ELSE to blame for that but you.  As you’d been the one, keeping everybody who tried to reach out to you, out, and eventually, every one of us out there, stopped trying to reach you, ‘cuz???  Lights are on, phone’s ringin’ off the HOOK, but, nobody’s, H-O-M-E!

and this, is how you’ll, live!

photo from online…

The solitary of your, confinement, with fate as the, warden, and, you ain’t NEVER gonna be released on “good behavior”, ‘cuz you ain’t NO good, and, besides, where you gonna go, if you do eventually, get released?  Got NOBODY to love you, to care for you, so you might as well, just rot, in that hell of your own, loneliness then!

The solitary of your, confinement, that’s all your own, making, and I can’t help you, as, “the number you have reached, hadn’t been in service since LAST century!”, and you will keep on, reaching out, and guess what, “honey” (still sarcastic here!), I’m no longer “available”, ‘cuz I’d been, DEAD, since………when was that again???  Oh yeah, ’08!

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Filed under Being Alone, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Observations, Properties of Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

Solitude

The portrait painted with the poet’s, words, translated…

Between heaven and earth, there’s no world you can, squeeze, into.

The distances between raindrops, however, is, more, tolerant, the years squeezed through the spaces, how easily, it’s only, false fat.

the painting by the writer, courtesy of UDN.com

The shadows of the birds in flight, rested atop the surfaces of the waters, thoughtless.  The light blues, the navy blues, deep blues, midnight blues………..no ripples in the heart, but quite, deep, the real depth can’t be expressed in written forms.  The coldness bit, like the sharpened teeth of, the silence and solitude.

The rain and wind came in late autumn, like the older folks we knew, never, stopped chatting when they’d called us up.

And so, this is personification of nature, there’s, that scent, of being solitary, but not the loneliness which, hurt.

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Filed under Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Story-Telling

Hiked that Trail Paved with Lonely…

Hiked that trail paved with lonely, we both had, or rather, I had already, finished “trekking”, while you’re still on it!

Hiked that trail paved with lonely, we learned to make lonely our constant companions, and because this is a one-way street, from start to finish, ain’t NO turnin’ back where we’d come, there’s no way we can, track backwards…

like this song by Celine Dion & Il Divo, off of YouTube

I Believe in You – Il Divo and Celine Dion – YouTube

(and yes, the link works!)

Hiked that trail paved with lonely, I had, and, I heard the wind howl so loud, and didn’t bring a warm enough coat, because it, sunny, too bright away from this trail I didn’t anticipate that I’d gone to hike up.  And so, as I’d walked farther into, the woods of lonely, I’d felt, colder, and, eventually, had to, stop to make a fire.

Hiked that trail, paved with lonely, and now, you will be on that “journey” to discover what loneliness is truly about, and you still won’t come to the same conclusions as I had about lonely either, oh no, lonely hurt you through your childhood, while it’d, accompanied me, became my best companions in childhood.

Hiked that trail, paved with lonely, we are all lonely, no matter if we got tons of friends, loved ones, families who love us like crazy, we are still, all alone, solitary, individuals………

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Filed under Being Alone, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Companionship at Old Age

GET a D-O-G, that’s my ADVICE!!!

Companionship at old age, someone who can, take care of me, as I age, someone with whom, I can, connect with intimate (not SEX!!!), someone with whom I can, share my innermost feelings with, someone who will, accept me for who I am…………

Companionship at old age?  Yeah, be your own companion, because if you can’t even, get alone with yourselves from before, and if you’d, failed to set up that tight-knit connection to your own loved ones, what the #$%@ (maxed!) makes you think, that your next-of-kin will, want to, stay close to you?  After all, it is, too important, that we surround ourselves with those whom we are, related to by blood (our offspring, next-of-kin, relatives, spouse, etc., etc., etc.), right?

how nobody wants to end up with…

living alone, in the, darkness…photo from online

Companionship at old age, very important, because, the lack of socialization, can make your brains deteriorate more quickly, than the original speed that your brains, deteriorate at.  Companionship at old age, not just anybody at random, but those that you cared for, raised when they were children, and, because you’d taken care of them, put clothes on their backs, foods into their stomachs, provided for their school tuitions, there’s, NO reason why they wouldn’t want to be near you, when you’re, old and gray, right???

WRONG! Despite how much you think you’d, given to your children, if you can’t make them feel the love you have for them, who’s to say, that they won’t turn out as ingrate like I became one, huh???

And yes, this is still, from the life and times, of a total INGRATE: ME!!!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Awareness, Being Alone, Connections, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Karma, Loneliness/Solitude, Messed Up Values, Observations, Old Age, Perspectives, Socialization, Values, Wake Up Calls

Lonelier than Alone

I’m, lonelier than alone, wrapped myself, in your, loneliness here.

Lonelier than alone, this, was how you’d, left me, and, I HATED it, being so, disconnected, so separated, from the rest of what’s, formerly, known to me, and now, reconnecting won’t be, so easy, been, too out of touch.

Lonelier than alone, you’d, kept me, wrapped me in your, misery, as, misery LOVED, company!  Lonelier than alone, this is, what you’d, given to me, since we wed, I thought I found someone to share my heart with, someone who’s, willing to, give ME his heart too, turned out, he was only looking to TAKE, and NOT give!

查看來源圖片like, this???  Photo from online

Lonelier than alone, I don’t want to be, but, I’d been kept, by this man who said he loved me, inside, this, gilded cage, the confines, of these, four-walled, high-end, white-picket fence prison.  Lonelier than alone, I want to, break free from this, but, I got kids, and I can’t, leave them, NOT when they’re, so little, and still need their mommy to care for, to love them…

Lonelier than alone, I will, always be, with you around, and I still, would choose to be, lonely by myself, but what I got was, lonely with Y-O-U!!!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Excuses, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle

The Air, My Friend

taken from the papers here…

Translated…

They all thought I was playing, actually, I’m, crying.

This, is the mindset of loneliness, that lack of understanding from the outside world, that longing to be, accepted, by the group…

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Loneliness/Solitude, Self-Images, Socialization, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

Getting Out from Postpartum Depression

Translated…

Upon hearing recently, that a woman committed suicide due to postpartum depression, after work, my husband inquired, if I’d felt okay lately?  If something’s up, I needed to let him know.

Compared to three years ago when my firstborn got here, my husband had metamorphosed from that self-centered big boy, into a man who puts his family first.  That year, my first child came, my husband’s “living life his way” made me feel so very helpless and alone, the “active participations” from my in-laws made me feel even MORE pressures; plus the economical burdens, I’d washed my face with my tears every single day.

Even after my month long recuperation is up, the anxieties, the self-mutilations, even the thought of taking my child with me to suicide, still circled around my mind again and again.  I’d told my husband of it, and, he’d blamed me for being too anal.  What’s most impressive was, when I’d told him I’d wanted to get professional medical help, he’d replied, “You should go to Africa instead, fighting to survive there every single day, that’ll keep your mind away from feeling depressed!”

Whether or not it was a joke, I’d still can’t believe, that someone who’d educated as he, a dentist, graduated from a public university, can say something so awful.  And, if my husband, who had medical trainings behaved as such, then, what trials must the other women who are also dealing with postpartum depression be faced with, would they be able to, receive the understandings of their separate families?

Thankfully, I have a supportive group of church friends, they’d helped take care of my child, took me to the free counseling sessions offered by the church; the counselor, after knowing my situation, encouraged me to see a professional.  In the seeing of the psychiatrist, I’d found, that other than the medications, the national health insurances also covered the talk therapy sessions as well.

Through the talking therapy session, I’d slowly felt better, learned to introspect and gotten some techniques to help me get along better with my husband.  From the three to four times fight a day, to one fight every three to four months, and now, we have two babies, and are expecting a third.  My friends joked about how intimate I must be getting with my husband, driving us to have so many children.  Yeah, certainly, compared to the postpartum depression experiences, we are now, interacting, so much better.  Postpartum depression may be a crisis of a marriage, but it can also be a chance, to better your interactions with your partners too.

And so, this woman worked, very hard, to get herself OUT of her own postpartum troubles, and, postpartum depression is still NOT a myth, you LOSERS, it’s real, and so, the next time your separate ladies start showing signs after they gave birth to YOUR young, DO show us some kindness!

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Alone, Family Matters, Healing Process, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Obstacles in a Relationship, Postpartum Depression/Postpartum Psychosis & Other Problems from After Birth, Properties of Life

Rainy Days

From a Chinese blog I’m a subscriber to, translated, by me…

The days of rain, made me feel like I’m molding up

In the boredom of my days, I’d only had books, to help me pass the time now

Oh, how I hope, I could, graduate sooner………

Don’t force me to do something I don’t want to do

There’s nothing wrong with me, not wanting to talk, not having an opinion on stuff

And, I’d much not wanted to get punished for it

You want me to pretend?  I simply, can’t

Being a good student constantly, it’s become, too tiresome to me now

And, my bad temper still didn’t just start yesterday either

So, this, sounds like a teen, wanting to be left alone, by all of her/his adult counterparts, but, you see, the adults, they just won’t leave you alone, and how is it that I know?  Oh yeah, I was once, a teen too, and this, is just the internal workings of someone who’s juggling life, as well as her studies, and, life, is not at all, easy, for the children in this day and age, so, STOP pushing them already!

ghfggdrbjn1

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Properties of Life, The Teenage Years

Attire

A short prose, translated…

There was the label, “Made by the Universe” on my shirt collar, the style was Galatic, the material was of ordinary values, every Wednesday, I’d worn it to the nightclubs, and, drank down my own loneliness.

And, that just shows, how ALONE we are all feeling, in this VAST universe, because we’re desperately longing, for that connection with someone else, and that, is still because, we are all, too caught up in the pursuits of things that are of NO value whatsoever, the emptiness of modern man’s soul is seen here.

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Writing

Finding Refuge in the Silence

I’d found refuge in the silence, it was so loud before that it disturbed me in my thoughts, but now, it sounded very peaceful, and I have NO clue what brought about this change.

Finding refuge in the silence, this, usually takes some time to achieve, because nobody’s used to the silence that quickly, but, eventually, you’d learn that no matter how hard you’d scream, how loud you cried, after all that passes, it’s still the DEAD silence, accompanying you, and so, you learned to deal with it.

And soon, you will discover that hey, silence isn’t at all that bad, in fact, it’s kinda comforting, with just ME and me alone.  Finding refuge in the silence, is what you must learn to do, so, SILENCE yourselves, and, at first, the silence might get too loud for you to handle, but hey, that’s the FIRST step to dealing with it.

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Filed under Being Alone, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Philosophies of Life, Socialization