They all thought I was playing, actually, I’m, crying.
This, is the mindset of loneliness, that lack of understanding from the outside world, that longing to be, accepted, by the group…
Upon hearing recently, that a woman committed suicide due to postpartum depression, after work, my husband inquired, if I’d felt okay lately? If something’s up, I needed to let him know.
Compared to three years ago when my firstborn got here, my husband had metamorphosed from that self-centered big boy, into a man who puts his family first. That year, my first child came, my husband’s “living life his way” made me feel so very helpless and alone, the “active participations” from my in-laws made me feel even MORE pressures; plus the economical burdens, I’d washed my face with my tears every single day.
Even after my month long recuperation is up, the anxieties, the self-mutilations, even the thought of taking my child with me to suicide, still circled around my mind again and again. I’d told my husband of it, and, he’d blamed me for being too anal. What’s most impressive was, when I’d told him I’d wanted to get professional medical help, he’d replied, “You should go to Africa instead, fighting to survive there every single day, that’ll keep your mind away from feeling depressed!”
Whether or not it was a joke, I’d still can’t believe, that someone who’d educated as he, a dentist, graduated from a public university, can say something so awful. And, if my husband, who had medical trainings behaved as such, then, what trials must the other women who are also dealing with postpartum depression be faced with, would they be able to, receive the understandings of their separate families?
Thankfully, I have a supportive group of church friends, they’d helped take care of my child, took me to the free counseling sessions offered by the church; the counselor, after knowing my situation, encouraged me to see a professional. In the seeing of the psychiatrist, I’d found, that other than the medications, the national health insurances also covered the talk therapy sessions as well.
Through the talking therapy session, I’d slowly felt better, learned to introspect and gotten some techniques to help me get along better with my husband. From the three to four times fight a day, to one fight every three to four months, and now, we have two babies, and are expecting a third. My friends joked about how intimate I must be getting with my husband, driving us to have so many children. Yeah, certainly, compared to the postpartum depression experiences, we are now, interacting, so much better. Postpartum depression may be a crisis of a marriage, but it can also be a chance, to better your interactions with your partners too.
And so, this woman worked, very hard, to get herself OUT of her own postpartum troubles, and, postpartum depression is still NOT a myth, you LOSERS, it’s real, and so, the next time your separate ladies start showing signs after they gave birth to YOUR young, DO show us some kindness!
From a Chinese blog I’m a subscriber to, translated, by me…
The days of rain, made me feel like I’m molding up
In the boredom of my days, I’d only had books, to help me pass the time now
Oh, how I hope, I could, graduate sooner………
Don’t force me to do something I don’t want to do
There’s nothing wrong with me, not wanting to talk, not having an opinion on stuff
And, I’d much not wanted to get punished for it
You want me to pretend? I simply, can’t
Being a good student constantly, it’s become, too tiresome to me now
And, my bad temper still didn’t just start yesterday either
So, this, sounds like a teen, wanting to be left alone, by all of her/his adult counterparts, but, you see, the adults, they just won’t leave you alone, and how is it that I know? Oh yeah, I was once, a teen too, and this, is just the internal workings of someone who’s juggling life, as well as her studies, and, life, is not at all, easy, for the children in this day and age, so, STOP pushing them already!
A short prose, translated…
There was the label, “Made by the Universe” on my shirt collar, the style was Galatic, the material was of ordinary values, every Wednesday, I’d worn it to the nightclubs, and, drank down my own loneliness.
And, that just shows, how ALONE we are all feeling, in this VAST universe, because we’re desperately longing, for that connection with someone else, and that, is still because, we are all, too caught up in the pursuits of things that are of NO value whatsoever, the emptiness of modern man’s soul is seen here.
I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, just don’t PLAGUE my life, with your presence!
I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, and, don’t you think that you should, return the same courtesy I’d shown you, BACK to me too? So, why are you still, tagging along my tails, when I want to lose you now?
I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, and, you won’t, get rid of me, because I will REFUSE, to leave you alone, just like how you’d refused to, GO away, when I’d asked you to.
I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, because you’d plagued my life, with too much of your company, and, since I can’t get rid of you, my enemy, I might as well, start, getting acquainted with you, be your friend, because, isn’t it easier, to keep a friend, than to fight with an enemy constantly?
So, I will follow you then, lonely, just don’t leave me alone, I can’t spend a minute, with nobody else’s company, I need something to hold on to, something, or someone, I can, lean on!!!