Category Archives: Loneliness/Solitude

Lonelier than Alone

I’m, lonelier than alone, wrapped myself, in your, loneliness here.

Lonelier than alone, this, was how you’d, left me, and, I HATED it, being so, disconnected, so separated, from the rest of what’s, formerly, known to me, and now, reconnecting won’t be, so easy, been, too out of touch.

Lonelier than alone, you’d, kept me, wrapped me in your, misery, as, misery LOVED, company!  Lonelier than alone, this is, what you’d, given to me, since we wed, I thought I found someone to share my heart with, someone who’s, willing to, give ME his heart too, turned out, he was only looking to TAKE, and NOT give!

查看來源圖片like, this???  Photo from online

Lonelier than alone, I don’t want to be, but, I’d been kept, by this man who said he loved me, inside, this, gilded cage, the confines, of these, four-walled, high-end, white-picket fence prison.  Lonelier than alone, I want to, break free from this, but, I got kids, and I can’t, leave them, NOT when they’re, so little, and still need their mommy to care for, to love them…

Lonelier than alone, I will, always be, with you around, and I still, would choose to be, lonely by myself, but what I got was, lonely with Y-O-U!!!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Excuses, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle

The Air, My Friend

taken from the papers here…

Translated…

They all thought I was playing, actually, I’m, crying.

This, is the mindset of loneliness, that lack of understanding from the outside world, that longing to be, accepted, by the group…

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Loneliness/Solitude, Self-Images, Socialization, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

Getting Out from Postpartum Depression

Translated…

Upon hearing recently, that a woman committed suicide due to postpartum depression, after work, my husband inquired, if I’d felt okay lately?  If something’s up, I needed to let him know.

Compared to three years ago when my firstborn got here, my husband had metamorphosed from that self-centered big boy, into a man who puts his family first.  That year, my first child came, my husband’s “living life his way” made me feel so very helpless and alone, the “active participations” from my in-laws made me feel even MORE pressures; plus the economical burdens, I’d washed my face with my tears every single day.

Even after my month long recuperation is up, the anxieties, the self-mutilations, even the thought of taking my child with me to suicide, still circled around my mind again and again.  I’d told my husband of it, and, he’d blamed me for being too anal.  What’s most impressive was, when I’d told him I’d wanted to get professional medical help, he’d replied, “You should go to Africa instead, fighting to survive there every single day, that’ll keep your mind away from feeling depressed!”

Whether or not it was a joke, I’d still can’t believe, that someone who’d educated as he, a dentist, graduated from a public university, can say something so awful.  And, if my husband, who had medical trainings behaved as such, then, what trials must the other women who are also dealing with postpartum depression be faced with, would they be able to, receive the understandings of their separate families?

Thankfully, I have a supportive group of church friends, they’d helped take care of my child, took me to the free counseling sessions offered by the church; the counselor, after knowing my situation, encouraged me to see a professional.  In the seeing of the psychiatrist, I’d found, that other than the medications, the national health insurances also covered the talk therapy sessions as well.

Through the talking therapy session, I’d slowly felt better, learned to introspect and gotten some techniques to help me get along better with my husband.  From the three to four times fight a day, to one fight every three to four months, and now, we have two babies, and are expecting a third.  My friends joked about how intimate I must be getting with my husband, driving us to have so many children.  Yeah, certainly, compared to the postpartum depression experiences, we are now, interacting, so much better.  Postpartum depression may be a crisis of a marriage, but it can also be a chance, to better your interactions with your partners too.

And so, this woman worked, very hard, to get herself OUT of her own postpartum troubles, and, postpartum depression is still NOT a myth, you LOSERS, it’s real, and so, the next time your separate ladies start showing signs after they gave birth to YOUR young, DO show us some kindness!

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Alone, Family Matters, Healing Process, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Obstacles in a Relationship, Postpartum Depression/Postpartum Psychosis & Other Problems from After Birth, Properties of Life

Rainy Days

From a Chinese blog I’m a subscriber to, translated, by me…

The days of rain, made me feel like I’m molding up

In the boredom of my days, I’d only had books, to help me pass the time now

Oh, how I hope, I could, graduate sooner………

Don’t force me to do something I don’t want to do

There’s nothing wrong with me, not wanting to talk, not having an opinion on stuff

And, I’d much not wanted to get punished for it

You want me to pretend?  I simply, can’t

Being a good student constantly, it’s become, too tiresome to me now

And, my bad temper still didn’t just start yesterday either

So, this, sounds like a teen, wanting to be left alone, by all of her/his adult counterparts, but, you see, the adults, they just won’t leave you alone, and how is it that I know?  Oh yeah, I was once, a teen too, and this, is just the internal workings of someone who’s juggling life, as well as her studies, and, life, is not at all, easy, for the children in this day and age, so, STOP pushing them already!

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Properties of Life, The Teenage Years

Attire

A short prose, translated…

There was the label, “Made by the Universe” on my shirt collar, the style was Galatic, the material was of ordinary values, every Wednesday, I’d worn it to the nightclubs, and, drank down my own loneliness.

And, that just shows, how ALONE we are all feeling, in this VAST universe, because we’re desperately longing, for that connection with someone else, and that, is still because, we are all, too caught up in the pursuits of things that are of NO value whatsoever, the emptiness of modern man’s soul is seen here.

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Writing

Finding Refuge in the Silence

I’d found refuge in the silence, it was so loud before that it disturbed me in my thoughts, but now, it sounded very peaceful, and I have NO clue what brought about this change.

Finding refuge in the silence, this, usually takes some time to achieve, because nobody’s used to the silence that quickly, but, eventually, you’d learn that no matter how hard you’d scream, how loud you cried, after all that passes, it’s still the DEAD silence, accompanying you, and so, you learned to deal with it.

And soon, you will discover that hey, silence isn’t at all that bad, in fact, it’s kinda comforting, with just ME and me alone.  Finding refuge in the silence, is what you must learn to do, so, SILENCE yourselves, and, at first, the silence might get too loud for you to handle, but hey, that’s the FIRST step to dealing with it.

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Filed under Being Alone, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Philosophies of Life, Socialization

Infidelities, Most Likely to Happen, Three Years After the Marriage

From research statistics, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Shu-De Technical University Human Sexuality Department manager, Yen-Ching Lin said, that modern day women are financially independent, have a strong sense of themselves, and, once the quality of their marriage drops, they have a higher chance of having affairs; the Graduate Research Department in its 2010 survey of 400 married women in southern Taiwan, the rate of infidelity was 36.5 percent.  Lin believed, that the statistics for the married women in the central and northern parts would be roughly the same as well.

This study showed, that the partners of the affairs who were friends made up about 44.3 percent, the highest, followed by coworkers, friends from online, exes, and, the time when the affairs are most likely to start would be three years after the marriage.

And on top of that, the results of a survey by the Sexology Research Department before Valentine’s Day showed, that the rate of modern day female college students who had already had sex makes up about 43.5 percent, compared to the 27.3 percent from seventeen years ago, there is a clear increase, the primary reason for this being how open the societies had become.  Lin said, that from the researches conducted abroad, the women who had had sex prior to marriage are more than likely to have extramarital affairs after they are married, and, modern day women are expecting higher quality from their marriages, compared to the last generations, and so, they are bound, by the cultures, to stay in a marriage, so, they’re more than likely to find an exit for their own emotions.

On the males’ front, although the sexology department didn’t conduct such researches, however, on a survey over the subjects of one-night-stands, twenty-five percent of surveyed males are accepting to the idea, thirty-three percent of the subjects HAD experiences with one night stands, and men who wanted to try out one night stands, make up sixty percent.

Lin suggested that couples need to work hard, in making their relationships work, just spend more time with one another, showing cares and concerns for each other often, it shouldn’t be that difficult, to keep happy in the marriage.

So, there you have it, from the lips of the researcher, and, this still just shows, how as we advanced in every single way, our behaviors are falling backwards, and, just because you can, doesn’t mean that you would do it, where’s the moral restraints???

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Abusing Someone's Trust, Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Bad Examples Parents Set for Children, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Betrayals, Choices, Commiting Adultery, Divorce Rates, Divorces, Downward Spiral, Extramarital Affairs, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, My Thoughts on Various Issues, News Stories, Perspectives, Relationship, Social Issues, Socialization, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

I Will Follow You, Lonely, Wherever You Go

I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, just don’t PLAGUE my life, with your presence!

I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, and, don’t you think that you should, return the same courtesy I’d shown you, BACK to me too?  So, why are you still, tagging along my tails, when I want to lose you now?

I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, and, you won’t, get rid of me, because I will REFUSE, to leave you alone, just like how you’d refused to, GO away, when I’d asked you to.

I will follow you, lonely, wherever you go, because you’d plagued my life, with too much of your company, and, since I can’t get rid of you, my enemy, I might as well, start, getting acquainted with you, be your friend, because, isn’t it easier, to keep a friend, than to fight with an enemy constantly?

So, I will follow you then, lonely, just don’t leave me alone, I can’t spend a minute, with nobody else’s company, I need something to hold on to, something, or someone, I can, lean on!!!

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Filed under Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Loneliness/Solitude

A “Cougar” from Malaysia Came to Taiwan to be with Her Boyfriend, Got Trash Talked by His Mother

Look AT how much love cost here???  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A Malaysian woman of forty-two years of age, Lee, flew across the oceans, to be with her younger male friend whom she met online, by eighteen years of age, in the airports, when Wu’s mother saw Lee, she’d screamed at her, “How OLD are you?  Do you know how old my son is!?”, then, the mother took her son, and left, Lee didn’t have enough money, to travel back home again, Wu called up the airport police department to report the situation, and asked for help on Lee’s behalf, Lee’s family in Malaysia wired the money for her to buy the tickets, and last night, she was successfully, on the plane back home again.

Before Lee boarded the flight, she refused to blame Wu and her mother, Wu, who is currently unemployed, because of his mother’s being against it, didn’t get a chance, to take Lee home with him, but he’d promised that he’ll work hard, to make enough money, after he’d had enough saved up, he will fly Lee back to Taiwan again, and, be together with her.

The Airport Police Department received a call, late night two nights ago from Wu, said that a Malaysian woman was stagnant in the first terminal of the Taoyuan Airport, and was in need of assistance, the patrol officers spent three hours, looking, and finally found Lee, who was sitting, all alone on the benches.  Lee wasn’t wearing enough clothes, with a small bag, with her cell phone, and some other simple items, shaking like a leaf, and the police took her, to find a place for her for the night.

The forty-two year-old Lee is fluent in Chinese, she said, that she was married at eighteen, has five children, ages ten to nineteen, she’d been living under the violence of her husband, had filed for divorce.  A year ago, she’d gotten online, where she met the twenty-four year-old, Wu, they hit it off, she’d only asked him, if he’d minded that she was married before, and with children, Wu didn’t mind, wanted her to bring nothing, to fly to Taiwan to meet, promised that he’ll take care of her.

She’d spent over six months, finally saved up $6,000N.T.s, bought a one-way ticket to Taiwan, two afternoons ago, arrived here, in Taoyuan Airport, Wu promised that he was meeting her at the entrance halls.  But, Wu, being unemployed, didn’t have any money on him, and Lee had less than $1,000N.T.s, they couldn’t even afford the bus fares.

Wu called his mother in Kaohsiung for help, Wu’s mother and her family drove up north, but, when Wu’s mother saw Lee, she’d grilled her hard, “How old are you?  Do you know how old my son is?”, she’d dragged her son away, leaving Lee, all alone, in the airport.

After the airport patrol officer heard her story, he’d tried to contact Lee’s family in Malaysia, for them, to wire the money to the airport, so she could buy her ticket back, and, Lee was finally, able to get on the flight back home again.

Apparently, this, is what NOT thinking things through can get you, this woman thought that she was set to meet up with love, without realizing, that love had a fine print, and, because the man is still living at home, relying on HIS own mother, unemployed, he had to follow his own mother’s orders, and that just shows, how those LOSERS still RELIED on their mamas, and that still also shows, that LOVE is nothing, that love conquers NADA!

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Expectations, Issues on Gender, Loneliness/Solitude

The Complete Single Day, Life as a Single Parent

Translated…

I’d been a single mother for five years, my son went with his father, and I have custody over my daughter.  After I’d had several honest to heart conversations with both our parents, as well as my children’s father, my ex-husband finally agreed, mid last year, that the older brother and younger sister could have four days out of the month to spend together.  And so, the very last weekend of the month, my daughter would head over to her father’s, and, these two days became my “single days”.

I’d gotten used to life with my daughter by my side, and, suddenly, from Friday evenings to Sunday evenings, I no longer had her company, her voice no longer resonated through the house, the bed became so spacious, it was, really hard, for me to adapt, I’d missed her so.  In order, to keep myself from missing her too much, I’d headed over to the office on Saturdays to work, buried myself in work; and on Sundays, I’d slept in, and take my leisure breakfasts, then, headed out, to ride, to hike, or to meet up with my friends.  And, all of a sudden, it came time, to pick my daughter up again.

During the two days my daughter was away, it was like an early onset of my empty nest, at first, I had troubles, filling up this void, but now, I’d gotten used to it.  And, life is just like so, when there came varied situations, we must all, make adjustments, to work, to transfer our attention elsewhere.

Recently I’d read the activities of the volunteers on the United Daily News, I’m going to sign up as a volunteer too.  I believe, that when my empty nest comes, or when I’m about to retire, I can already live this life I’d already planned out well.

So, your daughter going to spend the weekend with her father became your trial-run for your own empty nest, and, it is important, to have multiple hobbies, established, WAY before you’re retiring, or your empty nests really actually HIT you, because if you’d waited until then, to start planning it, well, it’ll be, too late then.

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Filed under Being Alone, Divorces, Empty Nest, Issues on Gender, Loneliness/Solitude, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Women's Issues