Category Archives: Family Matters

A Family, Together, in the Defense Against MERS-CoV

What the lockdowns made people realize about their family and how they’re, relating and interacting with their, loved ones, something good that came out of the outbreaks of MERS-CoV, I suppose…translated…

Started on May 17th, I’d sent the slips in for my first grade and first year preschool daughters’ for their absences.  And, the following day, the Department of Education quickly announced that school’s out for the whole island, and suddenly, the complaints came from all the parents around; and yet, I’d been fighting one to two since my children were born for more than seven years, this didn’t, faze me one bit.

Other than preparing the three meals regular, clean our home, disinfect everything, sitting with my children as they studied and corrected their assignments, I’d even stood in as the art instructor, the piano tutor, the P.E. coach, the master baker, etc., etc., etc., etc.……………, all of these, seemingly, unnoticeable, real-life experiences all became, too precious to me.

I was once, crushed by the nitty-gritties of every day life, and gotten taken for granted, and I was so angry at my husband and children to the point I wanted to run away from home in the past, and yet, as the outbreaks are hitting us all too hard, I saw, that break of dawn.

Staying safe at home with the children, gone according to schedule in helping them in their studies (photographing all their work, leave the messages on the boards, shooting the videos of doing the assignments, and streaming it online, including the exercise training sessions too), we’d become, comrade in war here!  By the time I got through everything my children needed to get completed for school, it’d, spent up all the time we usually had, for arguing with one another, to the point of how the coaches came up with their own diet plans on the menus, that was when I’d realized, that life in the first-grade, is nothing easy, and so, I’d become, even more tolerant of my eldest, for her, scatterbrain, and given her more encouragements now.

I took the kids to bake the breads, pizzas, help them know the foods we consume, giving my youngest daughter some easy problems she can solve, so she can feel the challenges of school.  We also turned on the Podcasts to learn English, to listen to the stories, watched YouTube to see how the outbreaks are going currently, learned the proper way to wear a mask, along with how COVID-19 can spread, originally, we got ticked off by each other quite a lot, but in the defense against the outbreaks, we’d, stood together on the same side.  What’s magical was, my youngest in her first year of preschool also gained some scientific knowledge, “so or spit can stay for so long, we can’t touch everything now!”  because we are all locked in, we’d found a ton of time to learn on our own at home, and we’d watched the movies after supper, and share the thoughts of what we saw in the movies, then, we’d said goodnight to one another, satisfactorily, our lives are now, simplified, but, quite blissful.

the family is now like this…

查看來源圖片
closer to each other than before the outbreaks…photo from online

Even though, there are the leftover housework for tomorrow, the outbreaks that are, making us all on edge, the nitty-gritties of the homework assignments, along with what are we having for our next meals, when we’re still eating this one, but being able to closely, observe our own loved ones, to understand them, to reduce the needs to go out, and our wants in life, it’s a sort of an introspection; grooming thoroughly through how I’m feeling, finding comfort, and soothing that fatigue.  Seeing how bad it is for other countries, we are better able to, cherish the hard work, the kindness of this island.  Seeing how hard the medical care professionals are at work, seeing how we as a people work hard to stop the spread of the virus, seeing the wonderful natures of our own loved ones—because our lives can be gone any second, naturally, we’d, treated them with that gentle kindness.

I’m really grateful for my role as a housewife, everybody keeping one’s own loved ones safe and sound, this is, the best contribution we can, give to the world now.  I’m grateful for COVID-19, even though, I’d wish that you get, eradicated from the planet, but, I’m grateful, that you’d, given the opportunity to be closer to one another, to learn together, to learn to be, more tolerant toward each other.

And so, this, is the lessons from MERS-CoV, and, normally, you wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn it, because, if the world is “normal”, we wouldn’t have to, lock our selves up in our homes, and maintain that social distance when we go out, but because of the outbreaks, we’re, changing the way we’re, relating to everyone we come into contact with, and because we can’t go out that much (only three times for shopping for groceries now), we learn to, adapt ourselves, to getting along better with our families.

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Properties of Life

The Most, Unforgettable, Words

Because you’d, spent some time with your own mother, you have, NO regrets, after she’d, died, translated…

“The North Wind Blow/the Snow Falls/Underneath that Lonely Light/Only My Mother………” that folk song came, from the radio, and it’d, roused up the feelings of missing my own mom, along with our very last, conversation.  The lucid memories are like the wind, taking me, to that old mansion, so suddenly.

It was February that year, the weather, a bit, colder, my father-in-law was in critical condition, hospitalized, and, I had another worry, my mother, who’s not, doing at all, that well.  I’d called home during that time, my mom who’s, weakened was always, too drowsy, only spoke a few short words, then, passed out.

One day I received a call from the hired caretaker, said that my mother’s oxygen level was low in her blood, my heart tightened, and I took the high-speed rail, southbound immediately.

The afternoon sunshine, slanted in to the vacant living room, passed through that long hallway, I’d arrived at the bedroom on the first floor, where my mother was, fast, asleep.  I walked to the bed, saw her slender face, the room was filled with the sound of the blood-oxygen machine and her heavy breathing.

I’d called to her light, “Mom, I’m home!”, she’d opened up her eyes, “Why are you home?  Have you eaten yet?”, then, she told me she wanted to get out of bed, and I’d, helped her onto the wheelchair with the homecare nurse, and took her to the living room.

on her, deathbed…

like this??? Artwork from online

My mother’s weakened body can’t sit up straight, she’d told me weakly, that her mouth tasted, bitter, I told the nurse, to get some plum pieces, that was from two weeks ago when I’d come home, it was my mother’s, favorite.  The nurse broke off a small piece to give to her, she’d looked at the nurse, told, “Give some to second eldest too.”  Her words was this surge of warmth, entered into my body, that was my mother’s love for me, I knew she was sharing it because she loved it so.

Not long thereafter, she’d told us she was short of breath, wanted to return back to bed to lie.  So we’d, wheeled her back to her bedroom, put her to bed, then, she fell into a comatose, slurred her speech, until the end.

As I’d lost my father and my eldest sister, they’d not had the opportunities to have a final word with us, and so, my mother’s, “give a piece to second eldest” became something cherished, it was the love overflowing for me from my mother, and it’s, also, something that was, unforgettable, as I’d, remembered my mother since.

And so, this, is on life and death, of how important it is, to BE with, one’s own parents, of how important those moments that you will NEVER get a chance to live again means, after the loved ones, passed on, to leave, NO words of love unsaid, to have, NO regrets, left behind!

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

Sharing Underneath the Starry Night Skies

A good way, to put that cadence on the past year, and start off fresh, on a, new note for this year!  Translated…

For the New Year’s in the past, we’d, gone by tradition, passed it day after day, gathered at the round table for the New Year’s Eve meals, gone to the relatives’ to wish everybody there a happy New Year, to the hot tourist attractions to visit……….it’s, a holiday, that “gathered” us all up.

But thinking back, that was, more like a, sort of, formality.  And, the protocol of that was, watching T.V., sliding on our cell phones, or, saying the words that don’t show any, real care or concerns.

illustration that came with this article, courtesy of UDN.com

圖/蛋妹

My ideal New Year’s, is to, REDUCE this sort of a vacant interaction, but with more conversation, communication.  Turn off the T.V., put up those cell phones, on the day like New Year’s, get out of the house, to sort through what’s on our minds.  Go to a place where you see your stars, lifting up your heads, sharing your thoughts with one another.  Everybody sit in a circle with leisure, and take turns, telling about what one gained in this past year, what touched us in the last year, to get rid of those formalities of how we are, supposed to, show our cares and concerns, and truly, listen to what one another is, sharing.  Becoming an audience, also, a part of the group that shared everything.

And so, this, is something that’s, needed, in this day and age, because, we don’t talk with each other in depth regularly, that’s why, we’d become, so, disconnected through the entire year, and, the New Year’s is a good time, to restart that connection, to share with one another, what we’d, endured through during the past year, to find closure to the year before, so we can, start off on another year, on a, clean, slate!

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Filed under Because of Love, Connections, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, Story-Telling, Values

To Help Better the Interactions of Parents & Children, the Taiwanese Fund for Children & Family Foundation Workstation Opened its Workshops

The foundation’s attempts to shift the focus back to parents interacting with their own young, and hope this works…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The joys of becoming parents from the start, may be gone, in the pressures of providing for our own children, the very first friendly space set up by the Taiwanese Fund for Children & Family Org “the Taipei Green Corner Wenshan Parent-Children Workshop” had its grand opening yesterday, differing from the normal services provided in the childcare realms, it’d hoped that through the constant companionships of professionals, it can help the parents and children find a positive way to interact with each other, and strengthens the values of parental education, which hopefully, can reduce the chance of child abuse, and be used as the first line of defense against child abuse.

a play place like this one, where the parents can interact with their own young…photo found online

The Taiwanese Fund for Children & Families pointed out, that every child deserves to be treated well, that the Green Corner Wenshan Close Corner Workshop in Taipei is the very FIRST space that the foundation’s set up that’s parent and children friendly, acting as a companion to all parents.  Using the community as a fall back, of prevention, to help the parents accompany their young to grow up, to show that every child is unique, a different and separate entity from the parents.

The foundation gave the example, the mother, Feng, was once very depressed dealing with her own children’s behaviors, the parent and child conflicted a lot, and through the intervention from the workshop, the mother restructured the way she’d interacted with her own young, and learned to be a more balanced mom, viewed the child’s uniqueness as positive, and the parent-child relationship slowly improved.  Another full-time mother, Jia-Jia has two children, and in the process of caring for her young children, she’d felt alone, and fell into self-doubt, in the social workers of the Wenshan Close Corner, she’d found the meanings to raising her own young, and found the values in herself too.

And so, this is, a necessary service, and thankfully, this not-for-profit organization found a way, to provide it for the parents who feel they’re, all alone on their own, raising their children up, and, parenting skills is a LEARNED behavior, and it’s usually, through experiences, that we will finally, acquire, the right methods to deal with our own young, and this not-for-profit center helps the adults BE better parents to their own young, which is WHAT we’re in need of current day.

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Filed under Connections, Family Matters, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

No Worries

Can’t set our minds at ease, no matter what, because we cared too much about each other!  Translated…

My son has, absolutely NO faith, that his scatterbrained mother can take care of his young by herself, and I can’t feel secure, that he’s riding out late at night, making the deliveries, it’s, a looped around cycle of worrying, between parents and children.

The sudden onset of the outbreak of MERS-CoV, it’d, impacted the industries across the world, being on the front lines in the tourism industries, you can’t imagine it.  And, even though, we’re, going into, the post-outbreak times, the tourist industries tried to make it, by, proposing the trips within the country, but my daughter-in-law is responsible for the tour groups abroad, and, it’s going to take a while, until that start back up again.  In this very hard time, those who worked in her office took the pay cuts, some got laid off, everybody was on high alert, some quickly, transferred to alternative industries of work, to take the baseline minimum monthly wages to make ends meet.  And at this time, my young granddaughter came, and, other than the basic living needs, there’s, this extra expense, and so, my son had to, start making the deliveries after his regular work hours.

Canceling the nannies, and I’d become, the temp nanny, and I, naturally, supported my son’s methods of saving the money.  Actually, I’d, longed to have a grandchild a very long time, and, as I was gloating on it, my son handed me the Holy Bible of childcare that the nurses made from the hospital for the new parents, reiterated, “When you make the milk, first the water in the bottle, then the formula, make sure that the formula is melted completely, to the left and right, don’t shake the bottle up and down then, place it under the sink to get it cooled off, it can’t be too hot.” “Pour the unfinished amount out, don’t save it for the next feeding time.”  “Now the diapers have the signals of if it’s wet, when the signal turned from yellow to blue, time to change.” “Newborns shouldn’t sleep on their tummy, it would cause sudden infant death.”  “oh, and don’t feed her any water!”

I nodded, like a good student, listening to the words of the school teacher, thought: this first-time grandma, is an excellent master back when, it’s just, I hadn’t, be in the realms a long time, I’d just, lost, all of my childrearing methods.

illustration from UDN.com

圖/黃鼻子

And, even though he’s away at work, he was, ill at ease, my LINE kept ringing nonstop.  “Mom, nothing’s going on, I just want to check in.”  “Did you put her down to a nap yet?”  “She cries a lot these few days, can you manage it?”, and, to stop him from flash-messaging, I’d sent him the photos of my young granddaughter, even though it was over forty years since I took care of a baby, but I still got it, I can, so totally, handle, a baby.

And, I’d, finally set my son’s mind to ease, but he’d, gotten me worried, I’d told him as he was getting out, “If you bump into a gambler, a drunk, or a drug dealer, if something feels like it’s, going south, RUN like the wind!” my son laughed at me, “it don’t matter who’s calling the deliveries, so long as they pay up.”  He’d not come home late in the night, and I’d not dared, sat in the living room and wait up, and, as I heard the key turn the lock outside, my unsettled heart calmed, and suddenly, by the following second, I was, able to, drift off into dreams.

Recalling how forty years back, I’d worked night and day, to help pay up the debts accumulated by my in-law’s family, my son were given to my ill mother-in-law and my chain-smoking father-in-law, I’d often snuck back home during work, to check out my eldest with two snots rolling down from his nostrils, getting held too tight, by my mother-in-law, whose bones had been malformed from arthritis; and my youngest son was often burned by accident by my father-in-law who had a cigarette in his mouth, dozed off to sleep, and yet, as I saw how sorry my in-laws looked, I couldn’t blame them.  And, no matter how awful, how insecure I’d felt, I still needed to believe, that these grandparents who may not be able to handle them, have the best intentions in mind, and will do their best, to care for my young sons.

Let go.  Set your heart at ease.  I’d, warned myself: the outbreaks shall pass soon, and everything will become normal, I just need to take care of my granddaughter well, so my son won’t have any worries, working, we both, need to, have that ease of mind here.

And so, this showed, just how, intertwined the parents and children are, from before, you worried about your own young, and now, he worries about his own young, and you too, and this, is just how parents and children are, we all worry too much!

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Filed under Cost of Living, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Translated Work

He Said He Was, Tired, the Dramas of Life

On how a father couldn’t let go, because of how much there is, keeping him in the world, even though his body is, slowly, quitting on him, translated…

The morning sun shone brightly, the green forests of Nantou made oxygen an abundance, we took in the deep inhales, and exhales.  He walked ahead of me, the destination: a nearby elementary school, for a workout, the step counter showed 2,130 steps.  He’d made a pact, that he was, going for 10,000 steps a day.  He’d executed this plan of his alone for months already, and, I can only manage to find the time, on the weekends when I didn’t have to, work.  I’m really, looking forward to the good particles from the sun, to making his body healthier, the serotonin, the dopamine, the adrenaline…………

“If I die, you need to, look after yourself well,” he’d stated to me.  “What happens to the child?  What happens to dad?  No, this is not the discussion I want to have right now…………” this was the conversation that began, many, many, many years ago, with a period of time of him in the hospital, with the medical treatments, to bring his life back to normal, we’d, moved to the mountains in Nantou, hoping, that the clean air can, keep him healthier.  Taking his elderly a hundred-year-old father here to stay was his wish, Nantou’s countryside is a great place, with the conveniences of hospitals, with the Veteran’s Hospitals, the Christian Hospitals, etc., etc., etc.  Although he’d needed the sleep aids to go to bed at night, and yet, being able to have these verbal exchanges with him, to fight over the television for the shows we wanted to see, we had, our, share of, a simpler life together.

Although, having to head back to the hospitals regularly annoyed him, he’d still, followed the doctors’ orders, took his meds regularly, kept a regular schedule of life, but don’t know why, or when it’d, started happening again, he’d, felt ill again.  His heartrate got past 120 per minute, he’d started, losing weight quickly, and needed to return back to the enclosures of the hospital wards.  I’d asked him where he’d hurt?  With his hand of his chest, he’d told me, it wasn’t, hurt, it was, painful for him.

In the lobby of the hospital, he’d, pulled on my hand, looked me into the eyes, said to me, “Honey, I’m tired now, let me go, let go of my hands, it’s really, painful for me to stay, I can’t, take it anymore…………”, I’d, let go of his hand, wrapped my arms around his waist, put my head, on his chest.  How I wish I could, get inside his heart, to find out where he was, hurting, why was it, that his most beloved father, his siblings, and his, dearest daughter, and his wife, couldn’t, make him, stay?

Sometimes, the body’s just, been tried too hard, and it wants, to quit, but the only reason why the individual is still alive, is because s/he didn’t want to, leave her/his families who loved her/him behind, like this is the case here.

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Filed under Family Matters, Letting Go, Life, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

Seeing You Off

The final passage, remembering the woman whom you’d come to know, as your, mother-in-law, from your father-in-law’s second marriage, translated…

Sitting silent, in the back of the church, on the wooden bench, stared at the white coffin, paved with flowers in the shrine, hearing the pastor slowly, told of your, eighty-two years of colorful life; as the pastor described you as being straightforward, generous, it’d, made me cry, and I’d, lifted up my head and smiled, started recalling the thirteen years of friendships we’d, come to share in life.

It was a snowy day in April in Norway, my husband who’d, planned to be single for the res of his life, drove me in his car, and, came to your door, my father-in-law, and his second wife, you, immediately led us in, and, in a panic, started, preparing the snacks, the coffees to serve to me, an unwelcomed guest.  Back then I wasn’t, fluent in Norwegian, I’d spoken in fluent German with my father-in-law, and, it’d, made you, who lived in the U.S. for over a decade object, that you had difficulties understanding us, and, we’d, realized that we had, excluded you, and immediately, we’d, both started switching to talking in English then.

On Christmas Eve that first year of our marriage, you’d, burst the hopes of your three daughters, sons-in-law, and nine grandchildren’s dreams of family union, you’d come to our home, and, baked for us, the traditional Norwegian pork ribs, meat balls, and sausages, and prepared seven types of pastries.  And, as lucky as I in the first time, I’d, scooped up, the only almond, hidden inside the rice pudding, and received, that special award for piggy almond candy.  Underneath the Christmas tree with the Norwegian flag, were the gifts, stacked up, you, my father-in-law, my husband and I, the four of us, sat around the tree, and started, tearing open the presents, the excitement, the joys, it’d, filled up the house.

The summer that my mother, second aunt, and nephew visited Norway, you’d not just, invited them, you’d also, found your youngest who’s my age, along with your young granddaughter, who’s around the same age as my nephew as company, you’d, set up a wooden board in your yard, with the balloons, and started, shooting the darts.  And even though, it’d rained that day, we’d, still, had a ton of fun; to this very day, my mother still talked of the cherries, the raspberries, and currants you grew in your own yard.

On your seventy-fifth, because your body was, ailing, you’d, delayed your birthday celebration in May, but you’d, not told us flat out, only asked, if we’re available to show up in June.  And, as my husband and I arrived, I’d found, that it was, a family birthday celebration your daughter, son-in-law, and grandson had set up for you; we’d, not brought anything, and we were, embarrassed, but you’d laughed and told, that it was because you didn’t want any presents, that was why, you’d, not told us it was to celebrate your birthday.

illustration from UDN.com圖/錢錢

2017 was, especially cruel to you.  First, your best friend who lived in the U.S. died in the spring at the age of over ninety, several months later, it was, my father-in-law, the second love of your life, passed away, in the autumn.  On the evening my father-in-law passed, you, me, and my husband, the three of us, stayed close by his side, until he’d, swallowed his, last breath.  You’d, dragged your, deteriorated health, your, slow steps home; the following day, we took you to the funeral home, to set up my father-in-law’s final affairs, you’d spoken of how you’d, not slept through the night, that you’d, paced around in the living room; even as your kids and grandkids were there, to accompany you, it still, didn’t, take away from your losing your husband.

Within two years after my father-in-law’s funeral, I sat here, in this, same church, heard the same pastor, hosting your funeral.  This pastor was the one who’d, conducted the wedding ceremony of you and my father-in-law thirty years back, he’d retired since, but, two years ago, he’d, made an exception for my father-in-law, spoken on his funeral, and this time, for you too.  You marrying my father-in-law, had once cast a huge shadow for my husband’s not introducing me to his own mother, but, for the eighteen years, the three of you had, died, and all the displeases of the past are now, gone, with the wind.  I’d heard of the news of your death as I’d returned from Egypt, I’d, come, to see you off, I’m so grateful for your kindness toward me, even more grateful, that you were, a “stand-in mother-in-law” to me, giving my families and I, such, wonderful, memories.

And so, this, is on how strong the connections of strangers who became, families are, and this still just showed, how if you’re kind to your daughters or sons-in-law, they will, reciprocate, and love you like you were, their own, parents too.  This is quite rare, to see a stepmother-in-law and a daughter-in-law get along so very well together.

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Filed under Connections, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Friendships, Lessons, Letting Go, Marriages, Memories Shared, Observations, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Story-Telling, the Finality of Life, Values

Using the Soaps with the Idols to Teach the Children, on Parent-Child Relations

The parents need to think hard, on WHY it is, that the kids wouldn’t DARE tell them something that’s important that’s happened with them, what this mother learned, from the soap operas, translated…

A short while ago, my daughter and I got into a soap with the idols, with a scene where the female main character accidentally lost the bracelet that was given to her by her fiancée’s grandmother, although she’d found one that looked like it online, but it’d cost $200,000. And, she was pressed for the time to get it, and she saw an ad posted by loan sharks, and called in for the amount to buy the bracelet. In order to pay up the debts, she’d started part-timing like crazy after her regular job, and, other than stressing herself out, she’d started playing that game of spies with her families too.

As I’d watched, I’d frowned, asked my daughter, “Do you think she’d handled it well?” “She needed to take responsibilities for her own losing that bracelet!” “Or perhaps, she could go to her families to discuss the matter.” “She’s not a mama’s girl, she’s already working, and, if she’d told her families, her families will probably, grill her for being careless and stupid!” “Family will always be your pillar of support, and even if her family members scolded her, it’s from the perspectives of care and concerns! Being truthful with the family, that, is showing trust to one another, and, after you’d lied once, you’d needed to, make up even more lies to cover them all up, how tiring would that be, can you imagine?”

On that day, I saw a note on the entrance at our house by my daughter, she’d come clean, that she’d lost the cell phone I gave to her two days ago at cram school. She was flustered and scared, and didn’t dare to tell me, but after she’d seen the conversations of the woman in the soap, she’d, decided to, admit to her own mistakes, and reported her cell phone missing to the police already, and stopped the services.

As my daughter came home, and mentioned what happened to me, she’d started crying, and, she must’ve been feeling so bad these past couple of days. I think, perhaps, there’s, that fragile heart that’s, underneath the seemingly tough exteriors, that are, in need of the families’ love and support.

And, from this, it’d, reminded me, that it is truly difficult, balancing between the disciplining and loving our own young. The kind of education I’d received from my own parents are, “the more harshly we’d treated you, it’d showed how much we cared for you”, and, I’d been, quite strict with my children, and, had I know about this as it’d just happened, naturally, I would’ve, blown up, and not only that, I’d, probably, nagged my daughter about it incessantly too, it’s a wonder, that she’d not dared tell me what had happened, right after it’d, happened. Thankfully, my daughter listened to what I’d, told her, and, that soap opera, became, the role model for us both accidentally.

And so, this still showed, how there’s a lesson to learn everywhere, so long as, you’re willing to, keep your minds open, and take the lessons that the world is, teaching to you.

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Lessons, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Getting Out from Postpartum Depression

Translated…

Upon hearing recently, that a woman committed suicide due to postpartum depression, after work, my husband inquired, if I’d felt okay lately?  If something’s up, I needed to let him know.

Compared to three years ago when my firstborn got here, my husband had metamorphosed from that self-centered big boy, into a man who puts his family first.  That year, my first child came, my husband’s “living life his way” made me feel so very helpless and alone, the “active participations” from my in-laws made me feel even MORE pressures; plus the economical burdens, I’d washed my face with my tears every single day.

Even after my month long recuperation is up, the anxieties, the self-mutilations, even the thought of taking my child with me to suicide, still circled around my mind again and again.  I’d told my husband of it, and, he’d blamed me for being too anal.  What’s most impressive was, when I’d told him I’d wanted to get professional medical help, he’d replied, “You should go to Africa instead, fighting to survive there every single day, that’ll keep your mind away from feeling depressed!”

Whether or not it was a joke, I’d still can’t believe, that someone who’d educated as he, a dentist, graduated from a public university, can say something so awful.  And, if my husband, who had medical trainings behaved as such, then, what trials must the other women who are also dealing with postpartum depression be faced with, would they be able to, receive the understandings of their separate families?

Thankfully, I have a supportive group of church friends, they’d helped take care of my child, took me to the free counseling sessions offered by the church; the counselor, after knowing my situation, encouraged me to see a professional.  In the seeing of the psychiatrist, I’d found, that other than the medications, the national health insurances also covered the talk therapy sessions as well.

Through the talking therapy session, I’d slowly felt better, learned to introspect and gotten some techniques to help me get along better with my husband.  From the three to four times fight a day, to one fight every three to four months, and now, we have two babies, and are expecting a third.  My friends joked about how intimate I must be getting with my husband, driving us to have so many children.  Yeah, certainly, compared to the postpartum depression experiences, we are now, interacting, so much better.  Postpartum depression may be a crisis of a marriage, but it can also be a chance, to better your interactions with your partners too.

And so, this woman worked, very hard, to get herself OUT of her own postpartum troubles, and, postpartum depression is still NOT a myth, you LOSERS, it’s real, and so, the next time your separate ladies start showing signs after they gave birth to YOUR young, DO show us some kindness!

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Alone, Family Matters, Healing Process, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Obstacles in a Relationship, Postpartum Depression/Postpartum Psychosis & Other Problems from After Birth, Properties of Life

My Turn to Take Care of You This Time

From the mind of a son, translated…

The year that I’d interned at the emergency room, I’d always feared that my father would become one of the patients, every time I’d heard on the announcement system, that there was an unknown male patient, I’d always gone to check.  My father had been ill a long time, one morning, he had a stroke, was found by a neighbor, to be lying at the park, having a seizure, but after being treated, he’d gotten stabilized, and can now, live on his own.

I can’t believe, that my father who’d always been so strong, how he’d missed the signs of him growing weaker, back then, I’d spent all of my waking hours on my post, learned to ask the patients what was the matter, and how to treat their difficulties, and, in this busyness, I’d gotten a call, as I’d dialed back, it was, a stranger, telling me about my father’s conditions, how ironic!  My heart became twitched and tangled, I’d immediately rushed to the other hospital, saw my father, panting hard, at a corner of the emergency room; what’s worse was, I’d worked through the days and the nights, and neglected to ask him how he was, and was completely clueless about his mental and physical health.

I should’ve known, that my father had concealed his condition from me, because he didn’t want me to worry, I should’ve gotten that something wasn’t right from how fatigued he looked, all those knowledge I’d learned from medical school allowed me to look at every patient’s situations subjectively, but, I couldn’t see clearly what was going on with those I loved………I’d started doubting my love toward my father now, compared to those who’d kept me up all night long, thinking over their conditions, I don’t even know when was the last time my dad went to his doctor’s appointment, must there be a give and take between a greater kind of love and the love you have for those who are close to you?

There was a time, when I’d gotten trapped in the emotions of self-blame, before my father’s bed, I’d looked over his charts hard, trying to find a way, to make this love I have for him complete; but, what surfaced into my mind was not the medical knowledge, but the days my father and I spent together.  The tears of regrets stained my white robe, and, it was, as if my father heard my helpless cries, he’d worked hard, opened up his eyes, and told me, to not worry so much, word by word.

My father couldn’t control his drool, and, it’d slowly overflowed from the corner of his lips, I’d wiped it up lightly, I didn’t want someone else to look after him again, even as my father ushered me to head back to work, I’d still told him no.  This time, I want to, keep watch over my father, as his son.

And this, is how someone had become too focused on his job, that he’d forgotten about how important family is, but gladly, he’d gotten that wake up call just in time.

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Filed under Despair, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, On Death & Dying, Parent-Child Interactions, Professional Opinions, Properties of Life, Socialization