On dealing with loss, and grief, of losing someone we love, translated…
Three Months Ago, My Husband Died in a Car Accident, We’d Been Together for Thirty Years, and I was, in Mourning, Deeply. My Daughters are Both Married Already, there’s only Me Remaining at Home, and, Every Time I Saw My Husband’s Belongings, I’d Missed Him, and Started Crying, Uncontrollably. My Friends Suggested that I Pack Up His Belongings, to Groom Through My Own Feelings, But, Every Time I’d Started Doing that, I Can’t Stop Myself from Breaking Down, Felt like I Can’t Ever, Get Back Up, Get on with My Life without Him, What Do I Do?
As you lost your loved ones, their belongings wouldn’t vanish, and the items left behind, became, “remains”. The expert in the funeral business, Kuo staid, that it normally takes three months to half a year to digest all those feelings of loss, of sorrows, or maybe, even longer, he’d suggested that before sorting through the remains of things left behind, we need to sort through our feelings first, then, start on taking care of what’s left behind by the ones we loved.
The Life & Death Care Foundation C.E.O., Kuo also mentioned, the most ideal state of being to sort through the remains is when the individual is still living, to start, saying goodbye to the, items, but life is, never predictable, sometimes, someone we love died so suddenly, or had been bedridden for a very long time. At this time, the families, other than needing to cope with the deaths of their, loved ones, they are also in the midst of the difficulties of sorting through their loved ones’ belongings.
After Sorting Through the Items and Donating Them Out, Telling the Recipients the Items Belonged to Someone Who is Gone
Kuo pointed out, sorting through the remains occurs in three stages: classification, collection, toss or donate. He’d recommended that the remains get separated into three categories, first, “thrown away”, including medications, clothes, shoes or anything that’s used, the items that you wouldn’t feel bad about throwing away, can all be placed in this category.
Second, the “Reusable”, like books, new clothing, tossing out, would be a waste but, keeping them, there’s no use, save them in the stack of “reusable”, to donate to the welfare organizations or to those who might be in need of use, or, find a thrift shop to sell. There’s no agency that takes in these items that were left behind specifically here, Kuo believed, that before the clothes were donated, do let the organizations know that they belonged to someone who’d passed, so the organizations wouldn’t have any issues.
Keeping What’s Sentimentally Valuable or Valuable to You
Lastly, there are the items that are, “of sentimental values”, “the items with the sentimental values are the hardest to sort through”. The experts stated, placing everything that’s hard to say goodbye to after someone you loved is gone into the “memories we shared” files. Including photos, paintings and art, or the items they’d collected, place all you want to keep with you in a cluster, then, categorize them by types. The photos, in the longer-keepsake boxes, the collectibles that your loved ones left for you, you can either sell them off, or keep them.
Kuo mentioned, “traditionally, the clothing would be, burned, but I believe, that those clothing items with sentimental values can be kept,” she’d said, the clothes have the scents of those whom you loved, it can keep the nostalgia alive, while, the rest, after discussing with the families, can get tossed into the recycle bins.
Kuo stressed, that through the step-by-step, sorting to the items of your loved ones who’d passed, it’s saying goodbye to those whom you’d, lost, collecting up your loss, and sorrows, so you can, face the rest of your lives, without them.
And so, this is how we need to say goodbye, to those whom we loved, and died, and yet, it’s, not that easy, because at the very beginning after they had just died, we missed them like crazy, because of the love, the connections that are still, intact, and we can’t even, bear to, sort through anything that belonged to them, this is only natural, but, eventually, as time passes, you will find the strengths in yourselves, to, sort through the things that your loved ones left behind, and, separate these items into piles of donate, keep, sell, etc., etc., etc., and, after you sort through every piece, you’d fully and properly, bid the ones you love so much, farewell.