Back in school, a group of us, hormone-raging boys getting together, and the topics of our discussion are already on girls, and, the conclusions of our discussions are always, “I want to get me a girl!”. And, we can’t EVER get that innocent mindset of our seventeenth year back again, the girls are so leisurely, like creatures from another planet, what, are they all thinking of?
And now, my daughter is in college, plus I’d taught for over twenty years, my female students would often share with me what’s on their minds, and, I’d finally learned, that most of the boys had missed the BUS.
A very good looking, and economically well-off female student, after she had a rough marriage, she’d sighed, “If I’d only had the wisdom on mate selection, then, my life will not get stuck here.”
“If you can have your youth to do over again, what qualities would you look for in a man?”, I was curious.
With a daughter already, past age thirty, the female student said, with this set tone of voice, “Someone who gives habitually.”
“The habit of giving?”
“Yes, I worked with my ex, he’s good looking, I felt, that he was someone I could rely on, but, I didn’t expect, that he’d be so selfish to give to me.”
“But, before you wed, guys usually mask up their bad qualities, how would you be able to tell, if he’s the giving kind?”
“Teacher, I’d found that you can watch his interaction with his friends, a selfish man wouldn’t have that many real friends, after I wed, I’d realized, that my ex had only coworkers, and, he had barely, NO friends he could talk to.”
Last week, as I’d gone to visit my wife’s eldest sister, both families, with college age girls, we’d started talking about mate-selection, my eldest sister-in-law mentioned a similar standard to what my female student mentioned—look at how he’s getting along with his families. “A guy who is hovered over by his kin probably couldn’t keep a good relationship with his wife later on, because his wife becomes his closest of kin.”, my wife’s eldest sister-in-law continued, “people are creatures of habit, a person who’s used to being looked after couldn’t start looking after someone else after s/he wed.”
I’d recalled the four brothers that we are, of my third eldest, he’s the most hardworking, although he was diagnosed with cancer, but, after he’d returned to the workforce, he was able to attract my third sister-in-law who’s quite good looking and a great catch. Later on, the two of them worked together, started up a company of their own, and now, they own four separate companies. Turns out, that the good habits of your younger years, not only will they feed to the blessings from work in the future, it could also help you find the love that lasts for life.
My college age girlfriend is now, taken up with a boy, my wife asked me why I’m not at all worried, I’d smiled and answer, “I had done my ‘investigation’, that boy had gone to work at construction sites with alongside his dad, he’d helped built the MRT stations in Taipei too, plus, he’s very kind toward his families, and my heart is at ease with this kind of habitually giving to others kind of guy.”
Of course, a love that allows people to give their lives for, is a never-ending coursework in life, my daughter, as well as my own student, they both have a long way to go. But, as a father, and a teacher too, I’d hoped, that the male students won’t keep making the same mistakes when they were younger. Life is a long and winding river, with enough energies saved up, it will surely, merge with another huge river, and the energy that’s accumulated is not the brand new hairstyle, but the ability to help do the dishes without being asked, or to not slack off during cleaning time in school.
So, men, who are looking to find the ladies, the next time the bell rings for the cleaning period, don’t just fall flat at your seats, DO pick up those brooms and dustpans, and run to your designated cleaning area, because the girls are waiting, for a man, who can shoulder up his responsibilities.
So, this one teaches you H-O-W to observe someone, from the smallest perspectives, and, what better place is there, to examine someone for who he really is, at his own home, after all, you’re most comfortable at home, and, that, is when everything that’s BAD about you shows, and, it is important, to watch the interactions of someone with her/his family, but that, would still NOT be the primary or KEY determinant of how good a man he is, consider every single aspect there!