Becoming Her Own, Light

Weathered through the trials of her life, and now, she’s finally able to breathe, a little, easier…translated…

“I’d once felt despair of life too, but thinking of my two children, I’d told myself, that I can’t, fall.”, she stood with her back straight, with her eyes, glowing with light, her words, full of, confidence and flair, hard to believe, that she had been, gravely ill, and walked through the shadows of the valleys of death before, who’d, gotten through her broken marriage, a single, mother.

More than twenty years ago, she’d married over from China, then, found out that her husband was addicted to gambling, and was a, player.  But she was already, pregnant then, she’d, swallowed all of her, tears, hoping that her husband will change one day.  She’d gone to work at a cafeteria, to make ends meet, for more than ten hours a day.  Her husband’s work was on and off, and when he had a relapse of his gambling addictions, he’d gone missing many days at a, time.  Thankful, after the birth of her firstborn, her father-in-law was willing to help her out, so she could focus on working.

And two years, the second child was born, and yet, the bad luck knocked on her door, she was diagnosed of breast cancer in the second stage.  Actually, a year early, she’d felt the lump on her breast, but she didn’t want to take the day off to see the doctor, worried that she’d be spending too much money, which delayed her treatment.  Her father-in-law who felt awful for her, put up the money to get her her surgery.  On the day of the mastectomy, she was all alone, on the hospital, bed, didn’t even know what to ask the heavens for.

As she was released from the hospital, she saw her two children who were still very young, had NO other option, but to, toughen herself up, didn’t dare take any days off, gone to work, and underwent chemo at the same time.  Not long thereafter, her husband passed from complications from his diabetes, and that was when she’d learned, that the resident she’d lived in, had already been put up as collateral for the debts, that now, she owed more than two million dollars.  Thankful for the kind hearted neighbors, who’d helped her apply for the low-income assistance from the government, at the same time, the owner of the cafeteria was willing to sell the shop to her, she’d thought a long time, finally, borrowed a couple hundred thousand dollars from her father-in-law, and started co-owing the cafeteria with her fellow, employee from work, began her life as an entrepreneur.  As she’d become the owner, she’d grown busier than ever before, but she’d increased her incomes.  She’d never viewed herself as a patient, returned to the follow-ups regularly, actively, optimistically coped with her cancer; during the time, her breast cancer came back, but her persistence had, forced death to back away from her.

After a little over a decade’s time, she’d paid up all the debts, and, raised her two sons up into adulthood.  And now, they are both working, and her cancer is now, in remission, the hard times are finally, getting away from her life.

Seeing how she’d talked of her life, like it was no big deal, I’d imagined, that although she’d, weathered through many storms in her life, she’s was the light of her own, self, and finally, the darkness had, gone,, and she’d finally, become that light, that illuminated her own, self.

So, this is the trials of life, this woman weathered through, but she’d, persisted, because she had children to care for, that was where she drew her strength from, and, she’d made it, to the other side, with her cancer now in remission, and her kids grown up, she can finally breathe, more easily now.

The Suppressing of Pains Long-Term Turned Traumatic, the Justice Systems Only Offered Slaps on the Wrists for the Perps, Most of the Victims Made to Re-Experience the Traumas

The need for a safe environment, to disclose, to tell what happened to them personally, is needed, but unfortunately, the society isn’t, as, kind, so the victims of these crimes, will, continue to, suffer…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

There’d been one right after another and other cases of children and adolescents’ sexually illicit videos gone viral of late, the victims are traumatized psychologically, lived their days on eggshells, the assistant director of the Taoyuan Psychiatric Unit, Lee pointed out, the victims who’d been traumatized like this, normally responded by exerting signs of anxiety, depression, a distrust of the world around them.  Lin, the certified counselor told, that most of the victims hid their traumas too deeply inside, the justice department’s giving the perps slaps on the wrists, hurts the victims even more.

and this still does NOT help! Illustration from online

“So of the victims who’d gotten their sexually illicit footages secretly filmed and posted online, these footages may still be online to this, very day!”, Lee pointed out, these victims suffer from a greater psychological impact than the those who’d been sexually assaulted in the past, from before, there’d only been a limited handful of those who’d watched the footages, and causing the victims the pressures; and now, the images and videos get passed around on the social media, to the point of getting posted like the online pop-up ads, or maybe, the pornographic sites got hacked, and the personal data passed online, causing the individuals’ personal lives being, impacted too.

“In another country, maybe someone can recognize a victims!”, Lee pointed out, compared to the past, the images that were recorded without consent, is carrying an everlasting effect, not only would the privacy of the victims get invaded, the traumas for the victims are, unimaginable to the ordinary persons.

Lin told that most victims would experience the acute symptoms of posttraumatic stress, feeling unclean, with the repeated nightmares, blaming oneself, or hating oneself, without the needed social support, the victims may suffer from long-term effects of PTSD.

Lin pointed out, most of the victims buried their pains too deeply, if they don’t speak out about the pains, or deal with the traumas, the individuals may start fearing intimacy, to the point of their personalities start distorting, and, most of the society, the members of the society’s fearing the discussions or the encounters of these experiences, not known how to handle, the justice systems, only giving the perps slaps on the wrists, it’s, another brand new forms of, emotionally assaulting the victims.

this will work, ONLY IF everybody is, nonjudgmental…photo from online

Lin said, to help these victims get away from the nightmares, there’s a need to create a safe environment for them to heal from their traumas in, step by step, by telling the experiences, to help heal their injured selves, and this requires the entire society to work together on.

This showed, the importance of a strong social support systems for the victims of these, heinous crimes, and unfortunately, because most of the society still gets into the automated mode of blaming the victims, even IF it’s the PERPS who are to blame, but that’s how the mentality works, that makes the healing process, that much more difficult than it should be.

The Air, My Friend

It’s better to try and fail, than to never try at all…the column by Jimmi Liao, translated by me…

Knowing the Feat is Impossible, But Still Went After it Stubbornly, and, When You’d Failed, You Stated Proudly, “At Least I Gave it a Try”.

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, off of UDN.com

Amazing that You Had, Tried So Hard!

The Ones Who’d Chosen to Lay Flat, Now Covered Up Their Faces in, Silence

When you’d found your courage to, try, that’s success, and it does NOT matter what happens after you’d tried, because failure or success, no longer, mattered as much, because you’d, already taken that bat and, SWUNG hard!

The Jewelry Designer, Reborn Out of Her Cancer, Anew

The success is not in this woman’s, beating her cancer, but in how she’d, found her self back, through the process of having cancer, and now, she can, walk forward, with those, battle scars, proud, and continue on, to the rest of her life!  Overcoming the obstacles that fate throws at you…translated…

The Most Difficult is Not Being Diagnosed with Cancer, But to Have to, Give Up on the Dreams One Had, Pursued, So, Long……………….

the brooch and the earrings, designed by the writer…photo from online

When I was, twenty-six, I was diagnosed with second stage breast cancer, and overnight, I’d had to, give up on my dreams, as well as, my life too.

I’d, gone by myself to England to take courses in jewelry design, and, due to the pressures from work, relationship, and being all alone in a foreign land, a black dog named “depression”, started, taking up space inside of me.  And, as I’d, finally, gotten my self back up, readied to start off anew, the biopsy shattered everything for me.

Fallen Ill in a Foreign Country, Getting Treatment, Struggled in London for Three Months

“You have second-stage breast cancer”, I went blank, couldn’t say a word out, just, stared at the biopsy results before me, and the tears came out flowing nonstop.

“I’m only twenty-six, how can I have, cancer?”, I’d, pinched my own hand, wanted to wake myself up, thinking I was in that, dream………….

At this time, the hardest wasn’t getting diagnosed with cancer, but on how I’d had to, give up on this dream I’d, chased so long, that’s, within, my reach.  Since my diagnosis, I’d not dared, told anybody I knew, friends, relatives, families, nor my colleagues from work.  I’d worked really hard, to upkeep my original life, pretended to be busying between the office and the hospital, struggled on my own, hard in London alone, for three whole, months.

“Why wasn’t your first thought to just, come home?  Had it been me, I would’ve, dashed for home.”

“I don’t want to give up on my dreams, just because I got sick.”  Being alone, going between work and hospital, and one day, I finally, could no longer, handle the pressures of my treatments anymore, I’d started, wailing in the dormitory then.  Then, suddenly, I’d not wanted to, face this, alone on my own, I’d called my mother, and younger brother and told them, originally, I’d thought that mom wouldn’t be able to handle it, but she was, stronger than I’d, been.

the photo of the jewelry designer, wearing her own pieces…photo from online

“Come back home, mom’s here for you!”, with the compounding pressures of falling ill, my families’ worries over me, and the language barrier, I’d, made one of the, most difficult choices in my life—to, let go.  Before I got sick, I had a lot of, dreams, given my self a ton of pressures, and now, I’d, decided to leave London, to return to Taiwan for treatment, I believed, that this would be, an opportunity for me, and I’d needed, that brand new, start too.

The Most Painful Side Effect, Was the Sense of Self-Abasement & the Self-Blame

I’d once thought, what is, the thing that I couldn’t, handle, the answer is, “becoming, ugly”.

During my chemotherapy, the most severe of side effects, wasn’t from the needles getting, stuck into me, but the self-abasement, and self-blame.  Before I fell ill, I was, very confident of my own looks, and yet, due to the side effects from the medication, I started, breaking out, and the melanin started, saturating, my face swelled due to the steroids, edema, losing my hair…….to the point of, gaining, a total of 17.6 pounds.  It’d, crumbled my original, confidence to face others, as well as the expectations I held for my, self.  During that period, I’d always, hidden in the bathrooms, and cried to the mirrors, became anxious in a crowd, and started feeling the social, anxieties.

I couldn’t bear to hear others talked about how much weight I’d, gained, how people are, looking at me more, and as I walked, I’d worried that my wig might, fall, off, worried that I may see those whom I love cry, can’t accept who I am, right now.

“But you look, very, normal”, yeah, I am, normal, looking, I’d, tried my best, to make myself, appear, normal, to show the happy side of me, to everybody else.

At the time, I was, trapped deep, into the swamp of depression, and often asked myself, “why me?  Why, is it that I’m so young, and needed to, weather through, this?”, returned to Taiwan, with the company of friends, and families, they’d, told me, “you’d, looked, more beautiful now!”, when I couldn’t, accept myself, and, it’d, made me realized, that the inner beauty, is what’s, more precious, and, irreplaceable.

With the Scars, I’d, Been, Reborn Out of the, Darkness

Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was, a perfectionist, while the treatment process of my cancer, the hardest of it, is for me to, accept the imperfections of my own, self.  Finding my self back isn’t an easy task, so I’d, learned to, divert my attention, forget that I was, a patient, returned back to my identity as a jewelry designer, started my own brand, hoped, that I can, make the pieces that people can connect with, that gives them, strengths.

illustration from UDN.com

the inspiring, radiant designs, born out of the darkness of her cancer…

This brand became, a magical, spiritual sustenance, like that light in the, darkness, gave me the motivations to, keep, going.  As I’d put on the jewelries I’d designed and made myself, it was like, putting on the courage, and the beliefs too, using the fullest level of self-confidence, the most, beautiful, stature, to face every new challenge that came, my way.

I’d used “Pluto” as the theme of this series, as Pluto meant the darkness and, rebirth, like how Pluto was no longer one of the planets in the solar system, but it’d still, rotated around the sun just the same, like how I got, deserted by fate, and lost everything overnight, but I still, rotated around what I loved doing the most, and, birthed out of the, darkness.

Some say, growing up is in an instant’s, time, and, the moment I got diagnosed, was that, moment.

“Seeing how brave you are, I’m no longer afraid of my future either, no matter what comes next, I will be able to, weather through, it.”

Never thought, that I can, help someone have the, courage, through my jewelries, I’d decided, to start telling the stories using my jewelries, not only the stories of my self, but also, of others as well, hoping, that my designs can, give them the confidence, the beauty, as well as, the strengths too.

Now, I’m at the end of my, treatment, but I know, that this journey isn’t, over because of my final round of, chemo, I have to, take these scars on my body, and in my psyche, to keep on going, toward the future.

“Cancer gave me a brand new, me”.  I’m a jewelry designer, also, a cancer patient, and I’m also, someone, who inspires others, giving others, the, courage too.

So, you’d, finally gotten through your cancer, and, you’d learned, to NOT define you self, based off of anything that’s, external: wealth, fame, job title, or the parts that you have (breasts???), and, you’d, come out of your cancer, with a stronger, sense of the, self, so, you’d, gained a lot more than, you’d, lost, and now, you’re, using your story to inspire others as well.

diagnosed of cancer at the age of twenty-six…photo from online, from two years ago.

The Kindness that is in Small Amounts, in the Therapies of Life

Passing through the hardship of the teenage years, finding the social support one needed, knowing, that every moment in life is, what defined us into, who we, currently, are, the passages of this woman’s, life, translated…

The Massive Amounts of Malice Made Me Numbed to Most Things in the World, the Environment is Filled with Black that’s, Darker than Darker, the Various Shapes, Sizes, the Assortments of, Black…………

The Days Counting Down

For most, 1997 was, an unforgettable years, as it’d been for me.  Hong Kong had returned to China, and, ever since, we’d, marched toward the directions, that none of us ever imagined.  The case of abduction of the T.V. star, Pai’s daughter, Tom Chang passing away, the publishing of “Harry Potter”, the movie, “Titanic”, that was, an all too, dramatic, year.  I entered into my final year of middle  school, the students who were originally well during the first two years of their middle school years, suddenly, turned, some got into the school, some, like me, were still, struggling, to get to, shore.  My homeroom instructor, Chen, was about thirty something, I’d remembered her as being pretty, also, how she’d, remained, expressionless after she’d read the letter of my peers bullying me in writing.

illustration from UDN.com

I couldn’t find the motives to get out of bed every morn, I’d contemplated, why am I, getting out of, bed, why am I, alive.  When I dressed myself in my uniform, I’d stared at the radio on my drawers, thinking, if only, I can, turn into, a radio, then, I wouldn’t feel so much sorrows in this, world.  That massive malice, it’d numbed me to most things in the world, the environment which I lived in, is, black, and shades that are, darker than the, darkest of, black, the black of the, various, shapes and, sizes too.

As the entrance exam date neared, watching the days counting down, I couldn’t tell if it was counting down to my leaping off the cliff, or counting down to me ending.  Everybody told me, after the entrance exams I shall be, freed, but, before the exams came, I already got, crushed to bits and pieces, so, why and how shall I feel free, afterwards?  Later, mom decided to take me out of this environment, and placed me in the class where my second aunt was the instructor.  She was teaching at a middle school in Zhongli, I’d started living at my aunt’s home, and gone to her school, in her, class, but didn’t get my school registry transferred.  Only took that leave of absence from my original school, it didn’t matter, nobody wandered where I went.

Reason why I’d started remembering was because I’d started sorting through the items at home that I’d, opened up a box of letters, I’d not seen the handwriting a long, long, time, and I’d, started, peeling back the layers of my own, memories then, it was, from my classmates as I’d started, boarding with my aunt, and started school at Zhongli.  As I’d entered the class, I’d not made an expectations of making ANY friends, it was just for two, three short months anyways, besides, I’d, left my previous school because of being bullied, hadn’t quite healed up yet, if someone talks to me, fine, if nobody does, that’s, just as, well too, I’m only, finding a place to live in, to keep myself in, school, to help me, survive, so I can, pass this passage of entrance exams.

The Regular Greetings that Came Daily

The air of life is different in Zhongli than in Taipei, the classmates, quickly accepted me as a part of the group, like I’d, studied there since the start of that semester.  There’s not that many schools that are promoting the entrances in Taoyuan compared to in Taipei, other than a few students who knew that they were heading to Taipei to university, the rest of the class, we all had, what paths of life we’re, to head down already.  During that time, I’d, destroyed my own fundamentals, felt that I was, empathized by the rest of the group, even if it was only partially, it was, already, very, important to me, it’d made me feel, like I was, a “normal human being”, that I can, start all over, in this, brand new lease of my own, life.

The past was, something I tried keeping hidden from others, I was worried that my new friends would know the pasts of me, that I’d transferred because I got bullied.  I deeply believed, I was what those bullies painted me out as, and too glad, these new friends I’d made, hadn’t noticed the “real” me, I got a brand new life, with the new friends, like a released inmate, who’d, buried her previous life down, and started, living anew.  After awhile, I’d found, that the hiding things from other was, not necessary anymore, so I’d, started, talking about it, but nobody really cared, I’m what they see me as, bad in math, eating very slowly, but, very humorous when I’d, talked.

The letter used the straightforward tone of voice, asked me what I’d been doing lately, which boys I liked, new friends, did I go see the movies.  In those times, that was, the focal points of our, lives, we’d exchanged about a dozen letters, which all revolved around these subjects, but we were both, enjoying this, sometimes, when I’d written a bit late, and my friend would, ask in the letter, “why didn’t you write sooner?”, these were, such common greetings, but it’d, reintroduced me to the connection of friendship, and, smoothed out my wrinkled, crumpled, heart.

I’m truly grateful for all of these, genuine, innocent, friends, as I was, building my own world back up from these ruins, they’d used their kindness, their love, to treat me.  They didn’t do anything that’s too great or amazing, but just, shown me the small kindness from day to day life.  And, all of these, kindness, and malice are, too small to be noted, but, it’s these, things, that you can, use, to poison someone to death, or you can, save them from, dying out.

not feeling accepted, not fitting in, hurts! Photo from online

On my final year of middle school, I was at a crossroad of my life, I was, falling down, down, down, maybe, I might have, fallen onto, another, totally, different path of my own life, and made the unimaginable choice for my own, self, grow into someone who’s ,weirdly shaped.  There are, things that we bumped into in our lives, that we can’t understand, and we’d felt, that there’s nothing good in this world for us, that we are, too awful, that nothing will ever, change, that life had become, a total eternal, darkness of the, night.

The friends I’d made in the short time I was in middle school, they may not know that they were, my saviors.  They’d helped me understand, that there’s more than one facet of life, that there a, many different people, many hearts, the various, flairs, those who’d, stepped on you, and the things that made you feel bad, are nothing but, tiny specks of dusts, in the, air.  And one day, you will, be rid of, all of them, or, coexist with them.  Or maybe, we might, become someone, who offered someone the assistance that they’re, in, need, of.

And, this is, what defined us into, who we are, all those things that hurt us, will eventually become, something that fueled us, and those who’d offered us the, helping hands that we are, in dire need of, we will, carry those moments of kindness to heart, and hopefully, pass it on to other we meet in our lives.  What defined us, is those memories of, good and bad, making us, into, who we’re, meant to be, completely, fully formed, well-adjusted, human, beings.  Well, most of us, turn out, okay…

Let Her Fly Solo

The first step to, letting go, as your children grow up…translated…

My daughter told, that she wanted to visit her friend in Europe in a few days, I’d not caught what she said to me, so I’d asked again, what was that?

She’d told me she has two friends who were foreign exchange students in England and the Netherlands, they’d invited her to Europe to travel, she’d wanted to use her spring break, and a few days of skipping the lectures to go, to get two weeks of traveling in, to visit around in Europe.  I’d started mumbling to myself: so sudden, didn’t even book the airfare, the hotels beforehand, without any plans, how is this good for, traveling?

But, immediately, I’d, switched my thoughts, the key to how good a trip is, is in the companions of traveling, with the right people, then, the trip would be, memorable for sure, and seeing how her friends were already waiting for her there, there’s no need to match their individual schedules with one another, this is a rare opportunity, just let her go, to have some fun, no big deal if she misses a few lectures, besides, which college students hadn’t, skipped a class or two from time to time?

illustration from UDN.com

It took her, less than two weeks, from confirming her traveling schedules, to setting out, and, I was worried for her, purchasing the tickets so close to her departure day, and yet, I can, only, search online, and, as I’d checked, I’d found, that the costs were, quite uneven, the one-way airfare ranged anywhere from $500 U.S to $800 U.S., and, she bought the lowest price that she’d ever seen, which broke my belief of “closer to the date of departure, the pricier the tickets”.

Although, I’d, encouraged my daughter on this solo trip to Europe but, after all, she is, a young woman, without the experiences of traveling alone abroad (so many days she was without her traveling companions), a single woman in a strange land, is it, safe?  If something were to come up, what would happen to her?  Will she be able to, handle it herself?  I’m supportive of her out to see the world, but at the same time, I’d, worried about her safety, and can only, construct myself psychologically, again, and again, reminding myself to, let go, that way, she would, have the, opportunities to grow on her own.

Due to the jet lag, we’d rarely found the right time for her to call me up when she’d toured Europe, after a few days, we finally, caught one another, and she’d, stuttered to me, “that first day to the Netherlands, someone pickpocketed my wallet.  What I worried about the most, had, happened!

She’d told me, as she’d found her wallet gone, she’d immediately called up the bank, and the bank stopped the card, and the lost identification cards, the national health insurance, the driver’s license, she’ll have to reapply after her return back home; what she’d felt worst over was the cash she’d, lost, had she known she wasn’t able to keep the cash with her, she should’ve, bought more souvenirs she liked, unlike now, she’d, lost the money, and the opportunities to purchase some, souvenirs.  She’d told, that thankfully, she’d, split up the cash she’d brought from before, and stashed them separately, and it’d, helped, reduced the losses.  Everything she could do, she needed to do, she’d, already done, I need not worry.  And, my husband and I suggested that she head to the local police station to report her wallet being stolen, just in case.  She’d, brought a slip of what the local police recorded down, an alternative sort of, souvenir, I suppose.

On her way back, she’d transferred in Seattle.  Because the flight was delayed for an hour and a half, she only had fifty minutes to catch her flight, and yet, there was, this, long, winding line standing to be security-checked before her, and, she didn’t know when it will be, her turn, and, as I’d heard, I’d told my husband straight away, that she’s not coming home tonight.

And yet, at the final moment, she’d called me up, told me, she’d, just boarded the plane.

We picked her up at the airport, and I’d curiously inquired, “how did you get on so fast?”  she’d told me, that she used her thick-skin, and explained to those before her in line, that her flight is about to take off in twenty minutes, if she could, cut in line?  And, it’d, resolved her problem of, not catching the flight on time.

She’d come back home, and gleefully, shared with her what she saw on the trip, seeing how animated she was, I’m glad, that I gave her a shove as she was, hesitant about it, to give her the opportunity to see Europe in its, beauty, and I’m even happier, to see how she’d, solved the many problems that surfaced during this trip, how she’d, made it on her, own.

Thankfully, I’d, allowed her to, fly solo, for me to realize, to see, to understand, to know, that she’s no longer that child I needed to watch over all the time.

And so this is a learning experience for both the parents and the child, allowing her daughter to fly solo, this is something huge for any parent, and yet, the mother knew, that her daughter needed to become independent, and in the end, it’d, proven, that her daughter has enough problem solving abilities to make it!

Fighting to Stay Awake, on Parent-Child Interactions

On the son’s, learning to manage his own time between the extracurricular activities and his, academia, translated…

“I dozed off in math class again!  What do I do………”, my son LINED me, with that, crying face.

This was about six months ago, when he was still in the community college level.  With the familiarizing of the school campus environment, his learning, he’d gone from his timidness in class to, after classes, going to the libraries to study by himself, to getting involved in the street dancing crew, rehearsed the dance moves until ten in the evening, by the time he’s done with everything in his dorm, and his assignments, it is usually past one.  He’d, not gotten enough sleep, draining his energies out, the mathematical equations, the basic principles of physics got turned into, that gentle sounding, lullaby, which was no surprise at all.

As I’d first learned, that my son had, stowed away in class for his appointment with the Sandman, having been through the tests, the trials of my schooling career, I’d, offered him some advice on how to stay awake; from chewing gun to liven up the neurons, using the mint oils to wake him up, the vitamin B, and as none worked, his classmate next to him can’t take it anymore, pulled out the 100% pure dark chocolates to share with him, hoping that the bitterness, and the caffeine can wake him up, so he won’t be, scapegoated by the professor.

illustration from UDN.com

And, the topics of discussion with my son went form combating the sleeping bugs to tactics to overcome them, other than the handful times he was successful, more of it was his sharing with me, his failed attempts, of how he’d, pinched his own thighs, to wake himself up from the pains, to how he’d, ended up, raising that white flag in, defeat, he’d, never, won, not even, once!

The result of his, repeated defeats, showed in the midterm exams.  The low score finally made him realized, his own, need for sleep, and he’d started, adjusting his, schedules on his own, to shorten the time of his dance rehearsals, and finally, he’d, stopped, going to meet up with the, Sandman in the lectures.

Recalling those days of how we’d, tried to, help him stay awake, I’d had the thoughts of telling him to “focus on the academics, and not on the extracurriculars.  But thankfully, I’d, swallowed these words down.  At age sixteen, for an adolescent, the very first step toward his, independence, is time-management, along with balancing his schoolwork, with his extracurricular activities.  No matter how much people say around him, nothing beats what he’d learned on his own, as he’d, stumbled and fallen, and hurt himself, then tried to, get back up again!  And, of course, we should NEVER, strip our own young of this, “trial-and-error”, just because we can see the difficulties they will be, faced, with.

And, because of how he’d ultimately learned to, adjust his own means, he was able to, be the “Adolescent that played with Fire” at the exhibition show, and, his final grades were all, passing.  As I’d talked with him on this before school began, he’d smiled and told me, “I’d not dozed off in class a long time already!”, and, he is about to, return back to campus, to show off all the cool dance moves he’d, developed during the winter vacation with his extracurricular group soon!

And so, this parent, instead of telling her son, that NO, you can’t go to dance practice, she’d allowed him to stumble on his own, so he can learn, to adjust his own schedules, to manage his own time better, which the son learned to, and, the mother didn’t need to worry about him not passing his classes again, because the son’s found a working method, to study and to dance.  This young man learned to manage his own time, and all the parent did was to, let him do it!

At Age Seventeen, He’d Gunned Down a Head of a Gang, Sentenced to Thirty Years, He’d Finished His College Studies in Prison Now

So, getting caught and getting in prison, was actually a good thing for this young man, how this young man turned over a new leaf by working hard to earn his degree in prison, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The news of a pawn shop in Tucheng was fired into fifty-one times by an underage shooter, Liu, the news shocked the island.  And yet, the already murdered gang leader, Weng was also, gunned down by a seventeen-year-old “hitman”, Liao using that sniper, when Liao committed the crimes, he was underage, started serving in juvenile detention, later, got sent to the Kaohsiung Correctional School, the Mingyang Middle School, as he became adult, he was sent to Taichung Penitentiary to serve out the rest of his term, during the time, he managed to get a degree from National Open University, and is still not yet, paroled out to date.

On May 28^th, 2010, Liao went to the Sun-Moon Biotech Company in Taichung, fired off sixteen shots, and gunned down Weng on site, became, the youngest convicted gunman in Taiwan, the Highest Court sentenced him to thirty years, which was the most severe sentence given to a juvenile offender.

The internal management of the Taichung Penitentiary recalled, more than a decade ago, as Liao was studying in National Open University, he’d done extremely well academically, and he was quite impressed with Liao’s drive to learn, in recent years, Liao had been transferred to Changwha Prison to serve.

like this! Photo from online

The professor who once mentored Liao, the pastor, Huang stated, that since the shooting, to him visiting Liao in lock up of late, during the time of Liao’s incarceration, he’d finished high school, and all the way, earned his bachelor’s degree from the National Open University, it’d moved him, and Liao, in the letters he’d sent, stated that he felt remorse for what he did from when he was younger.

Huang supported Liao’s drives to learn, and told, that other than excelling in the academia, he’d entered into the writing competitions hosted by the prison systems, and as he’d won, he’d donated the cash prize of over ten thousand dollars N.T. to the nonprofit organizations, and charities that helped the released inmates, showing his remorse, and expressed his desires, to give back to the community too.

Huang stated, that recently, he’d gone to visit Liao, and Liao told him, that if he gets paroled out in the future, he would like to join the seminary to further his education.

And so, this is how this young man started making up for his own mistakes, and even though he can’t undo what he did, but, at least, he’d, turned his own life around, studied hard, and if he ever gets released from prison, he will start anew, as a, good person.

graduating, with a, second, chance…photo from online

Heading into the Operating Room without the Worries

The attitude to which, this woman, come to terms with her, cancer diagnosis…translated…

I’d bumped into my friend, S at the hospital, after the greetings, we’d asked what we were there for?  What department are we going to see?  S stated with ease, that she’d just set up the stay at the hospital, she’s getting the operations the following day.

How can that be?  Aren’t surgeries always, stressful and worrisome?  S looked like she was, out for, a stroll in the afternoon.

S saw my question, explained, “last year when I went for my health check, it’d shown that I had a node in my lungs, I’d gone for the follow-up earlier this year, the CT showed that the node on my left lung grew bigger, the oncologists recommend that I have it removed to get a biopsy.  I’d though, it’d not impacted me, it’d not hurt, would it be necessary, that I go, under, the knife?  Guess I’ll, wait for a while then.  And yet, the fact is right before her, she kept swaying between whether or not to get the biopsy.  And so, I’d asked a physician friend of mine, Dr. Huang, and he’d, used only five words, and I was, convinced, to check myself in.”

“Might I inquire, what the four words were?”, I’d asked.

S smiled that stealthy smile, “it’s more than worth it!”

So, is there, a “calculation” of how much going under the knife was worth it or not?

Turned out, Dr. Huang reminded her, that the cancers of the lungs, are mostly, asymptomatic, unless through the low-dose CT, and the biggest myth was, a lot of people believed, that they aren’t smokers, so they won’t have lung cancer, but medically, in Taiwan, ninety-percent of female lung cancer patients don’t smoke at all, and so, this, was a must.  Going under the knife for a minor procedure, to get the truths known, no need to worry over it, most importantly, it’s, early discovery, in the earliest stages, easiest to, treat and cure, isn’t it, quite, worthy?

I squeezed S’s hand, wished her the best, she’d smiled, “knowing, facing it, dealing with it, to get that firmness underneath my feet, this is, such, a wonderful, feeling!”

And so, this is on how attitude determines, everything, especially when there’s the uncertainties in our lives, we must, keep believing, that we are going down this road, and wherever it’ll lead, is wherever we’re, meant to be, and if you carry this mindset, than, nothing will, faze you!

Run, as Best as You, Can

The features of a woman, the values she had, the means of work she’d, carried with her, translated…

The year that Manzu went to college, her family only gave her a month worth of allowance for living.

She’d gone up north on her own, found a rental stay close to Fujen Catholic University, to settle herself in, then, immediately found a job.  Worked days as an operator in a factory plant, and, right after work, she was just in time for her classes.  Before the first month’s worth of salaries came, she’d had a period of time of not having any money on her.  She had nothing on her, and thankfully, she’d told her landlord that she wanted to have the meal plans, and she didn’t, starve, she was glad, that she had, the foresight to sign on with the meal plans.

And, she’d, gotten through her five-years’ worth of night school, didn’t get any more money from her own parents.  Both her parents worked as farmers, worked in the fields their entire lives, never even gotten a chance to retire until they both, died, raised up the eight of them children, “I was the fifth out of seven girls, so I was, a ‘tiny dancer’”, she’d joked.

My high school classmate, Manzu Lin, medium-built, a bit on the slender side, was the notable runner, she had the time of thirteen seconds in the one-hundred meter dash, she’s excellent in sports, but she’d made fun of herself, for “showing all my faults”.

As summer just began, before the bell for the morning study hall came, she would carry the aluminum kegs going back and forth, watered the jasmines in the school, the flowers got clipped to round shaped, like the cute children’s heads, looking up, at her, she’d smiled as she’d watered the plants, the perfect form of a seventeen-year-old adolescent, girl.

As soon as “Fly” started working, she’d started, running fast.  She’d gone to China for ten years, worked in Dongwon, Guangzhou, Jiangsu, Zhejiang, and other places, worked in sales, accounting, as well as management.  The owner of her agency sent her to set up shop, told her, “doesn’t matter if we lose money, make sure we have a spot there.”  She’d kept watch over the factory alone for a whole year, and, didn’t sustain any losses, the new C.E.O. was the brother of the owner of the company she’d worked, lacking the drives in work, and on the weekends, he’d gone to Shanghai, spent all the money, and written it off as the company’s bills.

illustration from UDN.com

The company didn’t develop at all, Manzu disliked that she was going nowhere, sent in her resignation.  She’d learned the foreign languages by her own means, went to stay in Indonesia for four whole years ono end.  Waited until she decided to come back home, she’d, settled down as a bookkeeper at a local construction company.  She’d disregarded how the company’s operations worked, worked hard, to persuade the owner of the business, to reform the accounting department, by the third year, he’d finally given her the okay, and she’d saved the company millions of dollars in taxes, stopped the company from bleeding out.  “I am no expert, I’m just, hard working is all”.  She’d told.

Manzu already showed signs of her hardworking characters, from when she worked as the head of classroom services, she was relentless in checking the students for how clean the classroom looked.  She knew that everybody was complaining on how tough she was toward them, still refused to lower her standards.  Using her natural born excellent sight, she’d much rather get on everybody’s bad side, would not let her duties, slide.  Nowadays, it’s impossible to find someone who carried this sort of high morale, the younger children, even though they knew, that “popularity is only for the time being!  It’s more important than anything else!”

As Manzu had a hysterectomy, she’d still refused to stay put and reset, a few short days after her surgery, she’d returned back to work.  Told her coworkers, “it’d hurt less when I’m working!”

She’s not married, knew, that loneliness at old age will be coming to her, so, as she’d recovered, she’d started, racing, again, before four in the morn, she’d hiked up to Baqua Mountain to the gymnasium, ran the five-thousand-meter laps, then, she would go off to work.  On the weekends, for karaoke, the Sundays of the even weeks, she’d hiked with the hiking buddies, she’d sent all those good morning greetings like clockwork.  Perhaps, to let us know, that if one day, the good morning greetings stopped coming, it would mean, that she had, died……….

After leaving work for thirty years, she was still a junior accountant, and not a formal accountant; she’s not the gold star saleswoman, but could keep the orders of her company when her company was changing its means of operations; she’d used the means of “one word less” to work with her subordinates, and it’d helped them maximized their work potentials.  Hard working, and not known fatigue, as Manzu just returned to Taiwan, she didn’t find work immediately, and started, working as a windshield cleaner at the carwash.

Recalling her past, I saw in her crystal clear eyes, “there’s no upper or lower status quos of life, just run the races best as you can, that’s all that anybody can asks of you”.

And so, this, is the story of, that ordinary woman, with the extraordinary life, she’d, weathered through everything, and is still, working hard, to make her life, count.