Category Archives: Fertility

Only Wanted to Have a Child

Translated…

My youngest sister-in-law since she was younger, had made up her mind about having a child, after having several wrong turns, on the verge of becoming an elderly pregnant woman, had found the right man.

After she’d married, she’d severed her ties with getting offered promotions, socializing out with friends, traveling, along with other kinds of beautiful temptations, nor does she dare longed for the sweetness of the honeymoon, she’d started working hard with her husband, to have a baby, before she’s headed into menopause, so she could have the joys of being a mother.

Several years after they wed, my youngest sister-in-law had tried countless ways, and found medical help, she’d tried it all, and, from being an atheist before, she’d started going to the temples of the Goddess in charge of birth.

And still her unmoving faith didn’t move the heavens, but she’d held firm to the belief of she must worked hard, she’d finally gotten beaten by another failure, and became extremely depressed.

Her husband’s sister and sister-in-law had several children, once, the in-laws and her husband suggested that she’d take one of his nephews and love him as her own, she’d broken down, and, ever since, she’d never gone back to her husband’s house again.

Later on, my youngest sister-in-law and a friend went to volunteer at the Association for Abandoned Children, and she’d started seeing the light, and had her smiles and self-confidence slowly returned back to her.  She’s now, focused on going to the center, to help counsel and help the abandoned children as the center of her life, and it’d gotten her husband’s families doubts, that she’d shown more care and concern to strangers’ children more so than those kids who are related to her husband, and they’d all shunned her.

But I believe what she’s doing is amazing, my husband and I are both supportive of what she is doing.  I deeply understood the maternal instinct that my youngest sister-in-law has for giving to children, but, there is this unspoken mixed feelings from her husband’s household, with too much anger, jealousy, upset, and loneliness too, so she couldn’t show any love toward her husband’s nephews.

Actually, in caring for those children who really need, it’s even more so meaningful.  The shaking hands or hugging from these aunts who volunteered can change a kid’s life forever, brightening their futures, and for my youngest sister-in-law who’s had such difficulties in having babies, it’s a kind of salvation, I suppose.

After her failed attempts to have children, she’d transferred her love and wishes of having kids to kids who are strangers to her, and, it must’ve been hard for this woman, seeing how everybody is with families, imagine the pains she must’ve endured, and in the end, she’d still overcome, and gave her love to those really needing it.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Fertility, Healing Process, Helping Behaviors, Perspectives, Properties of Life

My Mother-in-Law Only Liked Boys, Relationship Between a Mother and a Daughter-in-Law

This, IS the 21st Century, you DO realize that, don’t you?  So, why are you, the elders still SUCK in your 17th to 19th Century mindsets???  Translated…

In the day and age, because of the burdens, some of the families only choose to have one child, but I kept believing, that a child who has the company of a sibling would grow up happier.  After I’d had my firstborn son, finally, right before he was about to turn two years of age, I had a second child, and, it was, a daughter, just as I’d hoped.

My in-laws lived in the country side, with my husband’s eldest brother, and my husband and I rented our home away.  During my pregnancy when I’d visited his house, I’d heard my eldest sister-in-law told, “When the neighbors asked, mother-in-law would tell others that you’re carrying a son, said that we’re a family who reproduce sons.”

After I heard, I was a bit unhappy, and that, was when I realized that my mother-in-law only liked sons.  Until after I’d given birth, and my in-laws came to the hospitals to visit, my mother-in-law still inquired, “Was it a boy or a girl?”, back then, I was too glad, that I had an older son already, otherwise, I would surely, go under the fires.

After my daughter was born, I was too busy, caring for my children, and, headed home was too tiring for me, and my kids would have to pack everything up, and, as I’d returned home, I’d be faced with the cobwebs, and so, every time we’d made plans to head back, I’d have to think for a very long while.  This time, when I’d gone back, my mother-in-law asked me if I wanted to have another child, I was shocked.  Even though I wanted to, but, I couldn’t afford to have another child, but, my mother disagreed with my reasoning, I’d changed my thoughts, told her, “The fortune-teller said we would have more girls than guys, and now, I already had a son and a daughter, if I have another, it would surely be a girl again, do you still want me to have one more?”

She’d replied immediately, “then, don’t even bother if it is a girl!”

Actually, whether you have a son or a daughter, s/he would be a treasure in the parents’ minds, why must you be so hung up on having a son? Because that, is the TRADITIONAL and AGE old belief of the Asian cultures, because girls will eventually marry off, and take someone else’s last name, and the babies they reproduce would carry the husbands’ (1 @ a time) last names, and that, is why this mother-in-law is still way too OLD school, and, we ARE living in the TWENTY-FIRST century here (or, did my TIME machine crash back in the 17th, 16th, 15th, or 18th Centuries again???), so, DROP those age-old beliefs of boys are better than girls, because they will have your last names, and, need I remind you all, that females are the ones with the ability to CARRY the kids, unless, you’re talking about the seahorses, or the leaf dragons of the deep sea varieties!

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Filed under Being Exposed, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Fertility, Gender Inequality, Issues on Gender, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Socialization, Translated Work, Trends, Values, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

A Great Companion that Helped Me Through the Hardest Part of My Life, a Story on Marriage

Translated…

Thirty years ago, in order to get pregnant, I’d gone to see an assortment of doctors, western, eastern medicines, gone through endless examinations too.  And, my heart was between expectancy, uncertainty and disappointment.  After many years of trying, I’d even failed in the in-vitro too, it’d caused me to get tired in the mind, body and the heart.  Gladly though, I had my husband there with me, every step of the way, he’d optimistically told me, “It’s okay, it’ll be fine.”

When we’d decided to adopt, the noises came from all over.  My mother-in-law phoned us almost everyday, and blamed us, why won’t we pick a son from my husband’s eldest, second oldest, and third oldest brother’s son, and register him in our household, why must we adopt someone else’s child, are we planning on leaving ALL our assets to an “outsider” when we die………

This sort of never-ending grilling, I was on the verge of breaking down, I was about to give in, but my husband insisted, “It wouldn’t be fair who we choose from, the eldest, the second oldest, the older brothers, what?  Are we supposed to take a son from each of them?”

Later on, every six months, my husband would take me, and my mother-in-law abroad.  My mother-in-law had never given up on her suggestions, but she was NO longer as pushy, but, every now and then, we’d heard her complained.

When my son was seventeen, my mother-in-law died at the age of eighty-three.  Now, my son is twenty-three, I now have to withstand the cruel treatment from my own sisters.

My husband and I started from scratch, I’m a penny-saver, and my husband knew how to keep himself in check too.  Originally, my sisters who are better off than we were, in the changes of the two decades, maybe, they’d run out on their lucks, but, every time they’d asked, we’d never told them no.

Last year, my mother died at the age of eighty-six, left about four million dollars in cash.  My husband told me that I must give up on my inheritance rights, that the money should be left, to be divided among my sisters, and I’m all too thankful to his generosity and kindness.

It’s just that the ease didn’t last long at all, awhile ago, I’d heard the phones, and I’d started to fret again.  The once-forgotten sense of helplessness and panic came right back up again, when my cell showed that it was my sisters, I’d gotten so pissed off, so disappointed, and my heart went completely coldc.

They wanted me to go to a notary public, to register one of their own kids under my house, and the reasons are all too familiar, and too sharp for my ears, “What, you gonna let some outside take over your assets when you die…”, I’m truly heartbroken, the scar that just won’t heal back up, got tore, wide open by my sisters, and on top of that, they’d dumped SALT on it too.

But gladly, my husband was right beside me all the way, as I got through this sadness in life, with an amazing man by my side, it’s more than enough for this life.

And from this, you can see, how important it is, to have a spouse who’ll stand BY your side, who will give you the EMOTIONAL supports as you need, and yet, how many of you ladies can say, that you truly have that?  And, how many of you, guys can honestly say, that you are by your wives’ (1 @ a time!!!)sides, all the way, standing next to them?  Not very many, and, a good man like this, is still, very hard to find…

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Filed under Despair, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Fertility, Life, Loss, Observations, Planning for the Future, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Reality Clashes with Dreams, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Translated Work, Values, Vicious Cycle