Category Archives: Fertility

Finally, We Met

Infertility, miscarriages, that baby bump, etc., etc., all experienced, by a woman’s, body here!!!  Translated…

Been married awhile, my belly stayed, perfectly, still, as I’d discussed with my husband, we’d gone to the fertility clinic, and, as we were checked, we’d followed the advice of the physician for us to continue with the in vitro fertilization, and several times, they’d all, failed, we started contemplating if we want to continuing on to the next stage: in vitro.  To tell the truth, I’m a bit, scared, my husband worried that my body can’t handle it, worried that I may not be physically well enough for the whole thing, told me that it’s okay; hearing his words so warm, I’d, squeezed his hand, told him I want to try it.

The first time, we were lucky, the embryo got implanted, I’d felt so blessed, but by the seventh week, the baby’s heart stopped, and I can only describe the moment of me realizing this as thunder and lightning strike.  I’d held it in, not broken down at the hospital, as we got home, we’d held onto each other and cried too hard, maybe, the affinity is just, not yet, I’d consoled myself.  Waited until I smoothed over my loss, I’d decided to get my systems well enough, then, give it, another, go.  Two years later, we’d gone for the second in vitro, as the embryo was implanted the beta-human chorionic gonadotropin rose up slowly, and, several returns back to the clinic, the fertility specialist told us that this time, it’d failed too, looked at my husband’s face, I’d pretended to be tough, told him, that we shall, try one more time, and if it still didn’t happen, then, we leave it, up to, fate.

And, I held the mindset of, “it might fail again”, got my third in vitro, then, the embryo implanted successfully, and all my digits steadily rose up.  But this time, we both decided to wait until after the first trimester before we shared the good news with our loved ones.  After all, receiving all the concerns, it’d, caused pressures on us too, and, we’d been trying for a very, long time, and we’d thought, if this time is still bust, then, we shall, stop trying.

Although, we’d told one another this, as well as our own selves, but, I’m still, quite, anxious.  Thought about how my first in vitro got only to seven weeks, so this time as I went in for my exams, I’d felt, expectant, and scared, looked up at the monitor screen to see the ultrasound image, I remembered to this day—that seven-week-old tiny little heart, beaten out that strong rhythmic, pulse, with each beat, it was like it was saying, “hi mom, first time seeing you, hello!”

And, after each and every try that didn’t work, you have to go through the loss emotionally, and physically, and yet, the thought of having a baby is too strong to beat, and finally, that heartrate is, steady and stable inside, and now, you just have to keep your body healthy, until your child is ready to meet you in person physically.

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Filed under Advances in Medicine, Cost of Living, Fertility, Life, Loss, Observations, Properties of Life, Values

Meet the “Father” of My, Baby Girl!

I know this is, kinda, late, but I still, feel the need (uh, yeah, get REAL here!!!) to INTRODUCE all of y’all to the father of my, “baby girl”…

Let’s see, who shall be, the father, of my, baby Emily again???  The SUSPENSE is, killing me here!

Oh wow, that “dart” (more like those knives, throwing at the plate that spins around with the woman TIED to the bull’s eye in that, “magic trick” if you ask me!!!) had landed.

And the WINNER is???

CONGRATULATIONS, DONOR X, you are, randomly selected AS, the biological father for MY DEAD Emily!

And here’s what I would expect from you, dude: you need to have a perfect character, no known inherited illnesses, a good bloodline (preferably, “pure”, whatever THAT means!!!), and, basically, just any male sperm with an X-chromosome will do (see, I’d, reduced my “criteria” after I’m already aged???).

wow, too many choices, how, oh how, will I, “select”???

photo from online!

So, there you have it, folks, and this would be, a one-time only deal, so, get a close look (feel free to place the “father” of my baby girl under that microscope!) at who got, “randomly selected” (by that dart, with my eyes blindfolded here???) to BE, the FATHER of my, baby girl…

Yeah, uh, as if, still don’t need NO (and your point being???) tadpoles that can’t lose their god damn TAILS, and grow the legs, and switch from the gills to the lungs) donor SPERMS here, okay???

Now, back off already???

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Filed under Fertility, Humor/Sarcasm, Issues on Gender, Life

When You’re Too Old to Reproduce…

When you’re, too old to reproduce, well, they’re gonna, cast you out, ‘cuz, there’s, basically, NO more uses for you, after all, you’d become, nothing more, than, a “baby machine”, and incubator, for their, sperms!

When you’re too old to reproduce, your value start, declining, quickly, and there’s no way, of getting your worth, back up again, ‘cuz that’s the road that won’t, turn back around, I mean, it’s not like you can go, skinny-dipping in the, fountain of youth, to get your reproductive, tendencies back again, and we all know how important, the ability to, REPRODUCE is here, besides, there are, younger women who are going to, replace you.

When you’re too old to, reproduce, you’re of NO use to us, and, you can’t blame us, for, rounding all you, old ladies up, then, lasso you into that bundle, and then, we toss you out, ‘cuz all we care about, is spawning, to have young enough women who are with, the youth, the reproductive capabilities, still, intact.

And unfortunately, you’re, expired, MA’AM!

That, would be how, they define us, by our, reproductive, tendencies, after all, we allowed them, to do us in like that, to MISTREAT us, to use us as, nothing MORE than, baby machines here.

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Fertility, Gender Inequality, Issues on Gender, Life, Messed Up Values, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

Unfathering, a Child…

How you gonna, do that, huh???  Oh I know, hit that, REWIND button, so the moment your DICK got, shoved UP her you-know-where, and you’d, fired off your shots, you don’t…right???

Unfathering, a child, you can’t do that, “honey”, ‘cuz, it’ not like you can, hit the REWIND, and turn everything backwards, just a few, second, before you decided to, “go in”, can you?  Of course not.

And, although ,you can’t, unfather a child, guess what, I can, ‘cuz I got the POWER (muah-ha-ha, that’s my evil laugh, by the way!) to.

now, the race of, tadpoles…from online

see how all of ’em try to stick their heads in, but none can???

Unfather a child, you already had, honey, and guess WHO the big mama is?  Exactly, and seeing how this is a coup d’état of this HEN house by this ROOSTER (moi!!!), nobody moves!

And, congrats, we’re, no longer your children, daddies, you done your “work”, at the moment you inserted your god damn DICK into our mothers’, vaginas, and that, is as far as fatherhood, goes, for all y’all, sons-of-bitches (where’s that scalpel???) combined…

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Cause & Effect, Fertility, Gender Roles, Humor/Sarcasm, Issues on Gender, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Only Wanted to Have a Child

Translated…

My youngest sister-in-law since she was younger, had made up her mind about having a child, after having several wrong turns, on the verge of becoming an elderly pregnant woman, had found the right man.

After she’d married, she’d severed her ties with getting offered promotions, socializing out with friends, traveling, along with other kinds of beautiful temptations, nor does she dare longed for the sweetness of the honeymoon, she’d started working hard with her husband, to have a baby, before she’s headed into menopause, so she could have the joys of being a mother.

Several years after they wed, my youngest sister-in-law had tried countless ways, and found medical help, she’d tried it all, and, from being an atheist before, she’d started going to the temples of the Goddess in charge of birth.

And still her unmoving faith didn’t move the heavens, but she’d held firm to the belief of she must worked hard, she’d finally gotten beaten by another failure, and became extremely depressed.

Her husband’s sister and sister-in-law had several children, once, the in-laws and her husband suggested that she’d take one of his nephews and love him as her own, she’d broken down, and, ever since, she’d never gone back to her husband’s house again.

Later on, my youngest sister-in-law and a friend went to volunteer at the Association for Abandoned Children, and she’d started seeing the light, and had her smiles and self-confidence slowly returned back to her.  She’s now, focused on going to the center, to help counsel and help the abandoned children as the center of her life, and it’d gotten her husband’s families doubts, that she’d shown more care and concern to strangers’ children more so than those kids who are related to her husband, and they’d all shunned her.

But I believe what she’s doing is amazing, my husband and I are both supportive of what she is doing.  I deeply understood the maternal instinct that my youngest sister-in-law has for giving to children, but, there is this unspoken mixed feelings from her husband’s household, with too much anger, jealousy, upset, and loneliness too, so she couldn’t show any love toward her husband’s nephews.

Actually, in caring for those children who really need, it’s even more so meaningful.  The shaking hands or hugging from these aunts who volunteered can change a kid’s life forever, brightening their futures, and for my youngest sister-in-law who’s had such difficulties in having babies, it’s a kind of salvation, I suppose.

After her failed attempts to have children, she’d transferred her love and wishes of having kids to kids who are strangers to her, and, it must’ve been hard for this woman, seeing how everybody is with families, imagine the pains she must’ve endured, and in the end, she’d still overcome, and gave her love to those really needing it.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Fertility, Healing Process, Helping Behaviors, Perspectives, Properties of Life

My Mother-in-Law Only Liked Boys, Relationship Between a Mother and a Daughter-in-Law

This, IS the 21st Century, you DO realize that, don’t you?  So, why are you, the elders still SUCK in your 17th to 19th Century mindsets???  Translated…

In the day and age, because of the burdens, some of the families only choose to have one child, but I kept believing, that a child who has the company of a sibling would grow up happier.  After I’d had my firstborn son, finally, right before he was about to turn two years of age, I had a second child, and, it was, a daughter, just as I’d hoped.

My in-laws lived in the country side, with my husband’s eldest brother, and my husband and I rented our home away.  During my pregnancy when I’d visited his house, I’d heard my eldest sister-in-law told, “When the neighbors asked, mother-in-law would tell others that you’re carrying a son, said that we’re a family who reproduce sons.”

After I heard, I was a bit unhappy, and that, was when I realized that my mother-in-law only liked sons.  Until after I’d given birth, and my in-laws came to the hospitals to visit, my mother-in-law still inquired, “Was it a boy or a girl?”, back then, I was too glad, that I had an older son already, otherwise, I would surely, go under the fires.

After my daughter was born, I was too busy, caring for my children, and, headed home was too tiring for me, and my kids would have to pack everything up, and, as I’d returned home, I’d be faced with the cobwebs, and so, every time we’d made plans to head back, I’d have to think for a very long while.  This time, when I’d gone back, my mother-in-law asked me if I wanted to have another child, I was shocked.  Even though I wanted to, but, I couldn’t afford to have another child, but, my mother disagreed with my reasoning, I’d changed my thoughts, told her, “The fortune-teller said we would have more girls than guys, and now, I already had a son and a daughter, if I have another, it would surely be a girl again, do you still want me to have one more?”

She’d replied immediately, “then, don’t even bother if it is a girl!”

Actually, whether you have a son or a daughter, s/he would be a treasure in the parents’ minds, why must you be so hung up on having a son? Because that, is the TRADITIONAL and AGE old belief of the Asian cultures, because girls will eventually marry off, and take someone else’s last name, and the babies they reproduce would carry the husbands’ (1 @ a time) last names, and that, is why this mother-in-law is still way too OLD school, and, we ARE living in the TWENTY-FIRST century here (or, did my TIME machine crash back in the 17th, 16th, 15th, or 18th Centuries again???), so, DROP those age-old beliefs of boys are better than girls, because they will have your last names, and, need I remind you all, that females are the ones with the ability to CARRY the kids, unless, you’re talking about the seahorses, or the leaf dragons of the deep sea varieties!

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Filed under Being Exposed, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Fertility, Gender Inequality, Issues on Gender, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Socialization, Translated Work, Trends, Values, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

A Great Companion that Helped Me Through the Hardest Part of My Life, a Story on Marriage

Translated…

Thirty years ago, in order to get pregnant, I’d gone to see an assortment of doctors, western, eastern medicines, gone through endless examinations too.  And, my heart was between expectancy, uncertainty and disappointment.  After many years of trying, I’d even failed in the in-vitro too, it’d caused me to get tired in the mind, body and the heart.  Gladly though, I had my husband there with me, every step of the way, he’d optimistically told me, “It’s okay, it’ll be fine.”

When we’d decided to adopt, the noises came from all over.  My mother-in-law phoned us almost everyday, and blamed us, why won’t we pick a son from my husband’s eldest, second oldest, and third oldest brother’s son, and register him in our household, why must we adopt someone else’s child, are we planning on leaving ALL our assets to an “outsider” when we die………

This sort of never-ending grilling, I was on the verge of breaking down, I was about to give in, but my husband insisted, “It wouldn’t be fair who we choose from, the eldest, the second oldest, the older brothers, what?  Are we supposed to take a son from each of them?”

Later on, every six months, my husband would take me, and my mother-in-law abroad.  My mother-in-law had never given up on her suggestions, but she was NO longer as pushy, but, every now and then, we’d heard her complained.

When my son was seventeen, my mother-in-law died at the age of eighty-three.  Now, my son is twenty-three, I now have to withstand the cruel treatment from my own sisters.

My husband and I started from scratch, I’m a penny-saver, and my husband knew how to keep himself in check too.  Originally, my sisters who are better off than we were, in the changes of the two decades, maybe, they’d run out on their lucks, but, every time they’d asked, we’d never told them no.

Last year, my mother died at the age of eighty-six, left about four million dollars in cash.  My husband told me that I must give up on my inheritance rights, that the money should be left, to be divided among my sisters, and I’m all too thankful to his generosity and kindness.

It’s just that the ease didn’t last long at all, awhile ago, I’d heard the phones, and I’d started to fret again.  The once-forgotten sense of helplessness and panic came right back up again, when my cell showed that it was my sisters, I’d gotten so pissed off, so disappointed, and my heart went completely coldc.

They wanted me to go to a notary public, to register one of their own kids under my house, and the reasons are all too familiar, and too sharp for my ears, “What, you gonna let some outside take over your assets when you die…”, I’m truly heartbroken, the scar that just won’t heal back up, got tore, wide open by my sisters, and on top of that, they’d dumped SALT on it too.

But gladly, my husband was right beside me all the way, as I got through this sadness in life, with an amazing man by my side, it’s more than enough for this life.

And from this, you can see, how important it is, to have a spouse who’ll stand BY your side, who will give you the EMOTIONAL supports as you need, and yet, how many of you ladies can say, that you truly have that?  And, how many of you, guys can honestly say, that you are by your wives’ (1 @ a time!!!)sides, all the way, standing next to them?  Not very many, and, a good man like this, is still, very hard to find…

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Filed under Despair, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Fertility, Life, Loss, Observations, Planning for the Future, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Reality Clashes with Dreams, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Translated Work, Values, Vicious Cycle