The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimi Liao, translated by me…

The child to the sloth, or, the sloth, to the child…

Let’s take it slow now…………

No matter how quickly the world changes………

Let’s just, take it slow……………

No matter, how worked up others are around us………

We will, continue to, take it slow together………

One day…

Someone will, finally, get us………

Understanding, that slower is faster……

We’re in no rush……………

Slowly, slowly, slower, slower………………

And this, would be how hard you’re all, PUSHING your children, to catch up to your tempos or paces, and by doing that, you’d, deprived your young, of taking their times, to grow UP slow, at their own paces, and, at the same time, you’d, SLAUGHTERED your young children like P-I-G-S, depriving them, of a happy, AND carefree childhood!

A Piece of Paper, with Three Young Children, Crying, Saved Their Parents, the Young Children Went to the Subprecinct to Look for Grandpa

Parents who made their kids go through HELL here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

“Uncle Police, I need to go find grandpa, mom and dad said they’re going to kill; themselves!”, two nights ago, deep into the nights, three young children came, to the Shalun Subprecinct, with suitcases, telling the adults; some two odd hours later, the police found the parents, inside the car, with the exhaust gas fuming up, in the mountainous regions of Shulin District.

The police said, that the parents drove the kids to someplace near the subprecinct, gave them a note, told them to go into the subprecinct; the nine-year-old eldest brother, took his five and three-year old younger siblings, walked into the subprecincted, teary eyed, but, the eldest still maintained his collectedness as an eldest child, the officer on duty, Lin immediately notified the assistant manager of the subprecinct, Dai, the constable, Huang, the patrol officer, Lee, and, everybody came to inquire these three young children, what was wrong.

The nine-year-old eldest child took out a piece of paper, with their grandfather’s name and telephone number printed on it, said, “I heard mom and dad said they’re going to kill themselves”, Dai immediately notified the active office, and asked the patrol officers who are online to help out with the searches, as the grandfather and eldest uncle were contacted, they’d both rushed to the subprecincted, asked, “can you please help find them quick!”

The police investigated, that before the incident, the father of the children had texted the eldest brother, asked him to take care of the three young children, his eldest immediately told him, “whatever it is, we’ll talk at home”, the police set up the GPS tracking systems, to find the location of the couple, at a little past midnight, they were confirmed, to be at the mountainous region of Shulin, they’d immediately notified the local authorities, and the fire department to help with the search.

As the police, the fire department rushed to the area, found the sedan, and found, that the exhaust pipe had been connected to a duct, that led into the car, they’d immediately opened the doors, the father is already out, but his wife is still half-conscious, they’d immediately rushed them to the hospital, and, they’re okay now.

The police found, that the couple three years ago, suspected of avoiding the debts, went southward toward Taichung from Banciao, then, lost contact with the family, and this time they’d driven up north, they’d left their kids alone with the relatives.  The Hsinbei Social Services Department already placed the three young boys, and is now, counseling the family of five, hoped, to return the children to their family of origin, so they can all be together again.

So, this, is still, a VERY awful example that the parents set for the children, and, thankfully, the oldest son, who was only NINE had the smart mind, to notify the police, because if he hadn’t, can you imagine how he’d be carrying the causes of his parents’ death on his shoulders???

 

 

 

Is the Child’s Oversensitivity a Behavior Problem?

So this, is what the parents have to cope with, with a way-too-sensitive child at home, huh???  Translated…

“Your daughter is so very quiet—have you ever considered, taking her to the doctors?”

“Jody is so easily hurt.  If she sees that other children were picked on, she’d cried too.  When she’d heard sad stories, she’d cry.  We don’t know what to do with her.”

“Everybody in the kindergarten is eager to participate in group activities, but, your son just refused.  Is he also this stubborn at home too?”

Do these lines sound familiar?  Of course, these words can get to you, as if, your kid’s the one with the problems, but, your child has a keen sense of observation, shows a lot of care and concerns toward others, and is very sensitive.  You knew real well, that if you heed these words, forced him to get socialized, the child would be in a whole lot of pain.  And, if you go with the flow of your child’s personality characteristics, s/he might be well-off.  And still, as the same words keep coming up, you’d started doubting, whether or not you’re fitting as a parent, and that you might be responsible, for your child, behaving the way s/he does.

How to Education Children Who are Too Sensitive?

You feared, that you may be doing things wrong, worried that no one can help you.  You might have already realized, that most of the parenting books all talked about “behavioral problems”, such as getting agitated easily, distracted, rough, attacking.  From this angle, there’s NOTHING wrong with your child.  There were NO mentions of the problems you’d encountered, eating problems, being too shy, nightmares, worries, and, strong emotional outburst, for no apparent reasons at all.  And, you couldn’t discipline your child using normal methods, even IF you’d just criticized her/him lightly, your child would have a complete meltdown.

The Words of Advice from the Experts:

When people tell you, that something IS wrong with your child, don’t believe them, and don’t LET your child believe them either.  Your child is UNIQUE, that, is not your fault.  Naturally, there would be room for improvement in parent-child interaction techniques, but, don’t ever believe that something IS wrong with you, or your offspring.

Based off of studies, fifteen to twenty percent of the children in the population are born naturally sensitive.  And, with this great number, it’s hardly “abnormal”.  Besides, in ALL the species that’s been studied, there are JUST as high records of individuals in the population that are this sensitive.  And, IF that, is the result of evolution, then, there MUST be a reason for it, we just can’t see it is all.

There are many evidence that suggests, that people who are highly sensitive are NOT necessarily shy, nor are they all neurotic OR anxious all the time, or even, depressed.  For some of the more sensitive members of the population, these emotional responses are caused by environmental stimuli, NOT inborn traits.

What, is a Heightened Level of Sensitivity?

People who have a heightened level of sensitivity are more aware of the details in their surrounding environment, and, before they acted, they’d think, thoroughly first before they took the actions.  Whether it be adults or children, those who are sensitive usually have a higher level of empathy, more intelligent, has strong instincts, with creativity, more careful, with a lot of conscience.

They understood better, the result of their own actions, and so, they’re less willing, to do the wrong things.  They couldn’t cope well with higher volumes of sounds, or an influx of information coming to them at any given time.  They would avoid these stimuli, which makes them appear shy or distant from others.  If they couldn’t avoid the circumstances of being under too many stimuli, then, they’d become “difficult to deal with”, or “way too sensitive”.

Although those who are deemed more sensitive pay attention to the details more, but, they may not have a better sense of sight, hearing, taste, or smell.  But, there are those with a better ability in one of their sensory organs.  The key point here, is that when their brains processed the information, they do it more thoroughly.  Not just their brains, those who are deemed more sensitive also have a stronger spinal reflex too.  Their immune systems are more active, they are prone to develop allergic reactions to things.  Which means, that their bodies are designed, to understand and observe this world even MORE thoroughly.

So, just because your kid cries a lot, or wouldn’t play in groups, PARENTS and TEACHERS, that still doesn’t mean that there IS something wrong with the kid, something IS wrong, with Y-O-U, stupid adult, who work so totally FUCKING (oopsy!!!) hard, to FIT all those little ones, inside just ONE square, but hey, some of us are rectangles, triangles, rhombi, circles, along with an ASSORTMENT of shapes AND sizes, and, we still DON’T just FIT properly to the “norm” (whatever THAT is!!!), so STOP trying to FIT your young INTO certain boxes, and just love them for the way that they are, after all, they still did NOT ask to be BROUGHT to the “outside world”, you two ADULTS are the ones to have FUCKED, and, out still popped???  Oh yeah, those “pretty little MISTAKES” of yours, remember?  Uh, YEAH, and, D-U-H!!!

 

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

From a victim to a survivor here, translated…

When I heard people tell me, “On the fact that B had died, we really don’t know how to make you feel better, so, that, was why we didn’t call.”, on the other end of the line, A started crying hard.

A is a hard working career woman, not only was she able to keep herself well economically, she’d also supplied more than her share of the household income. But, underneath her amazing work abilities, A had the life of an abused woman—after getting beaten by the husband, she’d reported it to the police, gone to the hospitals to get her wounds documented, left home, to get started on healing, later on, she fell into the soft words of B’s consoles to get home again.  Year after year, this was the same script that kept happening, again, and again, it’d made ALL who really actually tried to help A out feel helpless, like it wouldn’t be right, for them not to offer assistance, but, they can’t really help her out, because she keeps circling around in that same vicious cycle.

One time, we’d learned that A moved back in, I’d immediately called her up, to get her to move back out, told her, that IF she couldn’t make her mind up about leaving home, then, B may not do as they’d both agreed, go to the hospitals regularly to get checked, and the kids that grew up in this violent environment, it would be hard, for them to develop well psychologically. And still, the feelings still overcame A’s rationalism, in the end, she’d chosen to stay at home, with her abusive husband, and B, refused to check herself into the hospitals.

And, this only exacerbated, several years later, one day, A’s mother just so happened heard the rumors floating around A’s neighborhood, “We’d often heard a household getting too rowdy, followed by a woman’s crying.” She shocking realized, that the woman that the neighbors heard crying might be her baby girl.  She did some checking into it, and, it WAS her daughter, and so, the mother took her baby girl out of her abusive home.  A, who’d finally had enough of being abused regularly, finally made up her mind, never to return home again, and so, ever since, the status of A and B’s marriage became “separated”.

The days of being abused is just way too scary, A and the kids now lived independently and steadily, from day to day, with NO contact with B whatsoever. A short while ago, B who has NOBODY next to him died all of a sudden.  When A and the kids went to pick up the house, she’d found, that as her husband was starting to live alone, he’d started to change, had prepared for the children’s education and everything, and still, he’s already gone, and, no matter how much he’d saved up, it’s not going to be enough, to make up for that emptiness he’d left in them.

Had A been more stubborn on leaving, and never returning back home again, and break the vicious cycle of domestic violence earlier, maybe, it would’ve all ended differently. To every abused woman, leaving the home, making changes is never an easy choice, and yet, if you’re able to set up your minds, and end this vicious cycle, there’s still a good chance that you can rebuild your families again.

This, is still ALL in H-I-N-D-S-I-G-H-T, and, there’s a ton of “had…only…” involved in this “equation”, and, it is hard, for someone who’s been abused LONG term, to finally SNAP out of it, and, when this woman finally decided to make the changes, everything starts improving, but for this loser who’d abused her, his change came a bit too late.

A Game of Hide-and-Go-Seek with His Older Brother Ended in the Two Year Old, Stuck in the Closets

This, is still on the parents’ heads, because you SHOULD BE watching your offspring CLOSELY, parents!!!  From the Newspapers, translated…

A pair of brothers, Lu’s, yesterday morning were playing hide-and-go-seek inside their home, the two year old younger boy originally wanted to hide in the same tight closet space as his older brother, and, he’d accidentally gotten stuck, trying to get in, and, after the younger of the two boys got stuck, the older brother couldn’t get out either, until the fire department came, and sawed the closet in half did the boys break free.

In a certain community in Chunghe, at eight in the morning yesterday, there was an accident of two siblings, getting STUCK inside the closets, as the mother heard the kids crying, she feared, that if she’d opened up the closet door, it would hurt her sons, she’d immediately called up the fire department for assistance.

Based off of understanding, the brothers were playing hide-and-go-seek in their home, the older brother went into the closets first, and hide on the left side, and then, the younger boy followed him, and, as he made his way into the middle portion of the closet, he was stuck, in the space of about eleven inches.

The fire department stated, that the entire wooden closet was about 6’5, with a lot of clothes, packed inside, after the younger boy managed to squeezed in, it was suspected that he became nervous because his arms got caught inside, he couldn’t manage to get free.

“The doors can be closed together to the center, but because the younger boy was STUCK, right in the center, the fire department can only break the wooden panel door on the right, then, managed to get the brothers out.”  After the fire department rushed to the scene, they’d used a sanding machine to break the door up.

“The younger boy started crying out of nervousness, but the older child was extremely calm, and placed a quilt over his younger brother, fearing that the younger brother may inhale some dusts.”  The firefighter, Chen said, that he was able to get in from the right of the closets, and managed to get the younger by out unharmed.

This is still the PARENTS’ fault, because the parents weren’t watching over the kids, and, what the FUCK is wrong with you adults?  You should NOT be leaving your young children alone like that, like that case of the young child, DROWNING in the parks, because he wandered off, looking for his parents, and, because his parents put his older brother in charge of him…however, this case didn’t end tragically, as that last one had.

Buying Her Affection

You CAN’T do that!!!  It’s MY job!

Buying her affection, because you couldn’t be there for her, the major events in her life (graduation, solo performances, etc., etc., etc.), because you had to work, and so now, you worked hard, to give her the things she’d asked you for… Buying her affection, you think it can be done?  What makes you think, that you can just SHOVE money UP her ass, and she’s going to forget about the promises you’d made, to show up at her school play, her music recital?

Buying her affection, that, is the only thing you KNEW how to do, as you’d LOST that connection to your child a VERY long time ago, you’d had to work, you’re a single parent, keeping up with everything, and, between work and work, and still work, there’s just NOT much time you can spare, for the only thing that SHOULD matter to you: your offspring!

Buying her affection, how much do you think it’ll cost?  A million, two million?  Try a Z-I-L-L-I-O-N, because after you’d LOST that right as a parent, you will NEVER get it back, and, in a blink of an eye, your kid is all grown up, and, they will NOT be sparing any of their precious time, to come visit you AT that nursing home, or, maybe, they’ll promise to show, but, something ALWAYS comes up…

Changing Tracks, Gaining the Acceptance

On parent-child interactions, translated…

This year, my eldest daughter who’s in New York, entered into TWO international clothes design competitions: she’d earned the top prize from Spain; and in her entry in Italy, she’d gotten into top ten, and in July, she will enter into the finals.  These two international clothing design competition, my daughter was the only Taiwanese person who’d earned an award, and, she could be the pride of Taiwan, I suppose!

Recalling how years ago, when my daughter asked if she could change tracks, I not only didn’t encourage her, I’d even used sarcasms and mockeries, to show how unsupportive I was of her choice in life.  I’d used my way of thought from when I was raised, to put down my own children, not believing that my kids would have what it takes, to make their own dreams come true.  But now, my daughter, used what she has herself, and gained great accolades, that, was outside of my expectations that’s for sure, other than being happy about it, it made me introspect.

All the way to the top, my eldest daughter was filled with a TON of courage and hardship confronting her choice, originally, she’d already received a master degree in physical therapy from Yang-Ming University, she’d worked at the hospitals as a physical therapist for multiple years, she was paid very well, with steady scheduling too.  Other than work, she’d taken night courses on clothing designs at Shi-Jien University at night, it took her a total of a year and a half, for her to get her degree in that.  I thought, that that, was only her hobby from outside of work, without realizing, that she’s getting closer to her own personal goals in life.

One day, she’d abruptly told me she wanted to get a master in clothing design in the States, back then, I was furious, I strongly told her no.  Because that, was totally unrelated to what she’d taken her courses in before; I recommended that she go for a speech therapist degree, or to test for a therapist certificate in the States, that, would be the right thing to do.  Plus, her two younger sisters are still in school too, and we still have yet to pay up our home loans, economically, it would be hard, for us to give her any monetary supports.  I questioned her about why she didn’t choose the clothes designs major when she’d gone to college, then, it would’ve saved her this whole detour.  She asked us, “Would you have agreed?”

But, my daughter refused to get beaten, for her own dreams, she’d quitted her job at the hospitals, and entered into the economics department’s clothes design competition in Taiwan, she’d gotten first place in the 2010 competitions, at the same time, she’d passed her TOEFL exams, and sent her applications to two of the namely clothes designs graduate schools, and she’d gotten accepted in both, and was offered scholarships too, in the end, she’d chosen to head to New York to take courses in Parsons School of Designs.

And here, I want to give some advice, based off of my own experiences, respect, and believe in your own children, don’t be like me, careful on everything to the point of being unsupportive.  As parents, we should learn to let go when we are supposed to, allowing our kids to do what they enjoy, and, younger generations, if you still have dreams, go ahead, go after them!

And no, you still didn’t hear THIS from me, this, was the experience of a mother, who was all too UNSUPPORTIVE of her own offspring’s dreams, but, her daughter did NOT let the parents’ expectations beat her down, she still went AFTER her own dreams, and now, she’s an achieved clothes designer, she’d made it to the top, and now, the mother looks back, and see how wrong she was, and, had she been just a bit MORE supportive, then………well, it’s too late for that now, because we will eventually grow up, and then, we will NOT need you, parents, anymore!

Allowing Your Sufferings to Go Unnoticed

Time for E-X-C-U-S-E-S!!! In MY defense, I was hurting WAY too awfully, to even pay attention to you, after all, if I don’t take care of No. 1 (and I’m still N-U-M-B-E-R one in my own life!!!), how the HELL am I supposed to have the energy, or even, the ability, to deal with you?

Allowing your suffering to go unnoticed, because I was too careless, focused solely on what is perceived, and I failed to look beneath those painted faces, to see how badly you were hurting, but, you grew up strong, didn’t you?  And, I shall get the C-R-E-D-I-T, for how WELL you’d turned out, because if I’d paid more attention, then, you wouldn’t have grown up in such excruciating pain, and you would’ve NEVER been able to be so strong, child.

Allowing your suffering to go unnoticed, because nobody ever paid attention to MY insecurities either, and, because I had NO role model to take after, how the HELL am I supposed to know what to do, with you?

Allowing your suffering to go unnoticed, because I can, because I’m your parent, and, you need me, you RELY on me to love you, and I’m in the POWER position to decide, whether or not I should love you.

And, that, is just a “minor example” of WHAT bad parenting looks like, and this is still considered N-E-G-L-E-C-T, so, DO be careful, as you are ALL, treading on THIN ice here!

 

When the Child of a Spokesperson of Anti-Drug Was Caught, Using & Abusing Drugs

Whoa!!!  Wait a minute, do you mean, that the mommies and the daddies are spokesmen AGAINST drug use and abuse, while their kid is getting H-I-G-H???  How’s that even possible?  And, one can only conclude, that there’s something V-E-R-Y W-R-O-N-G, with the household education of this child’s family.

I mean, the parents ARE spokespeople AGAINST drug use and abuse, so, how come they couldn’t even STOP their own offspring from getting CAUGHT from getting H-I-G-H???

This, is time, for a PUBLIC apology, after all, the offspring IS legal (an adult), s/he just got caught, red-handed, with her/his head SHOVED, inside of THAT “cookie jar”.  When a spokesperson who preached about the importance of anti-drug, maybe, maybe, the person’s spending WAY too much, contributing to the REST of the world that s/he’d IGNORED her/his own offspring, and so, when something like this happens, the world turns its gaze onto the celeb parents!

My Aunt Took the Hard Road in Love

Some people are just UNLUCKY in love, I suppose, translated…

On my younger cousin’s wedding, I’d met people from my mother’s side of the family whom I rarely got to see, some of whom I hadn’t seen for many years already, like my older cousin’s two sons, I’d still carried the images of them being seven or eight, and now, they’re teens, breaking out already.

“Pearl my older sister!”, a long-haired, plain but beautiful looking woman hollered out at me, “You are…”, before I had the chance to react, my mother’s youngest sister standing behind this beautiful woman stated, “Don’t you remember, she’s Snow.”

What a change!  Standing behind her, were three boys, one, her wild younger brother, another, the youngest brother who’d just entered into middle school, but, there was yet, another boy who was seemingly between my younger and youngest boy cousin’s age, who is he, how come I don’t remember him at all?

Toward my face of questions, the boy didn’t know how to speak up.  My youngest aunt started, “He too, is your younger cousin, the son from your Uncle Chiao who lives in Guanshi.”, then, I started to remember.  When I was in high school, once, my youngest aunt who was pregnant, took me to Uncle Chiao’s to visit, said that Uncle Chiao had been nothing BUT kind to her and her family.  Back then, I was real glad, that my aunt had found someone she could share her life with, someone who’s going to take good care of her.

On the romance history of this youngest aunt of mine, she could write a five-thousand page novel about her own romance.  But, each and every time, the cruel reality always kicks in.

Snow was from the marriage with her first husband, without knowing, that very shortly after Snow was born, the marriage ended, because my aunt couldn’t put up with her husband’s abuse; later, my aunt privately told us, that Snow’s father wasn’t even her first husband.

Not long thereafter, my youngest aunt met another man, and had Snow’s younger brother.  Don’t know if it’s her luck with men, my youngest aunt spent the most part of her life, between the men, and, as a result, all four of her sons had the same mother, but different fathers.

Toward my youngest aunt’s four kids, I truly hope, that they can manage to live their lives to the best of their abilities.

And here, we’re still NOT told W-H-Y, the person’s aunt had so many FAILED marriages, and, we can only hope, that this woman will NOT make the mistakes over, over, and over again, after all, you do NOT want to have a TON of half-siblings, that’s just TOO messed up!