A Hospital Visit

The twists and turns here, you can, never predict what happens, next…translated…

“Let’s go visit him?”  he’d inquired, but his eldest brother didn’t respond, he’d waited awhile, then added, “what do you say?”…………

He’d decided not to prod, this too silent, eldest brother of his.

After they ate, he started having stomach troubles, he’d rubbed his stomach, and that was when his eldest brother started, “Told YOU to NOT talk about weird things when we eat.”

Yeah, sure, what’s all this talk of cancer during the mealtimes, why did I ever mention the hospital, knowing how difficult it is to get through to my eldest brother, and…………

“Well, I’m afraid, that I might forget to tell it to you, that’s why I’d told you.”

He’d explained himself, but, his eldest brother became, silent, once, more.

Yeah, all’s been said, just stay silent if you wish.

He’d given his eldest brother a ride home, the two took off their masks, washed their hands, he’d plugged in the kettle to get the water heated up, put the filters in, and started, grinding the beans, and the eldest brother’s voice came, “do remember, to warm up the mugs”, oh, oh, he’d then, filled up the mug with the broiling water, one tiny mug for each of them, the lighter colored was his brother’s, the darker, his own, the cups used were of light yellow shade, his eldest wasn’t keen on anything else, but the coffee cups.  Yes, he’d recalled his eldest brother, mentioning to him, how he’d collected countless mugs with his former lover that’s cream yellow in color, they’d had sets of two each time they’d bought the new ones.  They would sit opposite of one another, and drink together, hmmmmmmmm, this is, way more, elegant than dressing in matching outfit.  How did they break up?  He’d heard, that there was another lover, he’d not known for sure, and didn’t dare, to inquire.

Their coffee time ended in their silently drinking out of their independent mugs separately, he’d washed the mug up, called out, “I’m off”, opened the door, gone to the China berry in the courtyard, and felt that cold wind against his, face, uh-oh, forgotten his mask.  He’d returned, gone up the elevators. Returned back to his eldest brother’s, not daring to say another word, he’d picked up the mask, then left immediately.

“I say…” his eldest brother’s voice echoed from behind him, “let’s go see that person the week after next”.

He was surprised at the request, stated, “Sure, why not”.

Like a youngest child who got away from a strict father, he’d, moved to his car, he’s forty, so why does he still, fear this eldest brother of his so.

Then, the week after the next came soon enough, he’d driven to pick up his eldest brother to go eat, and, out of habit, returned back to his eldest brother’s place for coffee, as the car was on the road, suddenly, he was told to turn the car around, for him to drive to Dr. Wang’s, this came with no warnings, and, would it not be a shame, if the patient is, asleep.  As they got to the location, the elevator went up to the third floor.  The clinic was tiny in scale, btu there were, six single wards on the third floor, and, those who were there, were all who’d not wanted to get checked in by name at the major hospitals, the bigshots, the man who’d stayed in the papaya shake colored room, ws actually his second eldest brother, whom he’d gone to visit behind his eldest brother’s back many a times already, his second eldest brother with his pale yellow face, begged him to bring his eldest brother to visit, and mumbled, “I’m so afraid I will never get to see him again!”, and his eldest had not gone to see him, not once.  When, did these two older brothers of his started getting on each other’s, bad side?

He’d knocked on the door, the two of them entered in, his second eldest brother was propped up on the bed, with Dr. Wang, sitting on his bed, drinking coffee with him.  That good looking doctor, saw them, immediately got up, after all, it would NOT be proper for the doctor to sit on the bed of his patients, and his eldest brother never once, looked straight at Dr. Wang in the eyes, not even, once, nor did he say a single word to his second eldest brother either.

Yet, he’d felt, that weird vibe, it was, the coffee cup, both his second eldest’s, and Dr. Wang’s, were the light yellow coffee cups, he’d known that style too well, he was the one, who’d, made the coffee at his eldest brother’s, home that time.

He became dumbfounded, there was something inside his mind, he couldn’t quite make out what, his eldest tossed a stuffed red envelope onto the bed, then walked toward the elevator outside, he’d looked at the two, dumbfounded holding the coffee cups, blurted, “I will go too then!”, rushed down the stairs, he could catch up to his eldest who took the elevators right?  He’d known, he’d, behaved, foolishly, again, he’d, acted in that script of fools.

And so, this, is how it goes, when the brothers fall in love with the same man, and maybe, the brothers weren’t ready to come out of the closets, but, they were still all found out, getting caught, in that, love, triangle.

Breeding Intolerance

This is what, the “free” world is doing, doesn’t look so “free” NO more (and your point being???) does it now???  Nope!

Breeding intolerance, we’re, teaching our children (still don’t got one!) to HATE those who are different than they are, and, forget about the constitution and all the “freedom” that are, “given” to WE the people, ‘cuz they’re all, CONDITIONAL, and the conditions under which these freedoms are “given” to us (oh MERCIFUL government, we BOW to you!), is that we OBEYED their rules…

Breeding intolerance, we will HATE everybody who are unlike us, those who are of different colors in skin, hair, eye color, yada, yada, yada, we will, STEOREOTYPE, we will, DISCRIMINATE, and OSTRASIZE them, until they finally, gets OUT of this system of ours.  Breeding intolerance, yeah, sure, the laws are passed for okaying same-sex marriage, so?  We still do NOT give equal rights to the same-sex couples as those heterosexual couples.

Breeding intolerance, that, is what these governments are doing, stating that they’re “free”, that every man (what about women, huh???) are created EQUAL (yeah, you’re all EQUAL all right: all ASSuming ASSholes, all IDIOTS, all LOSERS!), that you have the rights over our rights to abort, whether or NOT we choose to have our babies, because we are, a lesser sex to you.

Breeding intolerance, that, is what the FREE world (doesn’t look OR feel that free no more, does it!!!) looked like, as the CONSERVATIVES run it.

Next, they will go after the rights of women to DIVORCE their abusive husbands, and, take away the rights of our voices to speak up and out…

So, what’s next, huh???  Oh, we’re still waiting for that ASTEROID to come and HIT earth, so everything goes, KA-BOOM!

The Rainbows Keeping Watch Over the Phones Late in the Nights in the, Cities, a Passerby in Someone Else’s, Life

The volunteer lines for the LGBT communities, in training here, this is something that’s, needed, with the increase of sexual and gender diversity, translated…

“Hi, this is the homosexual hotline, how may I be of service to you!”, this was the instinctive response that got etched into my mind the year I’d worked as a call receiver of the hotlines.  Picked up the phones, was like getting the buttons turned on, immediately, I’d gotten into the various modes of answering, ready to catch the LGBT communities’ various troubles.

I’d signed on to be a volunteer, right after the public policies votes.  That was when a lot of people felt upset, with the strong sense of, helplessness passing through the LGBT community.  “What can I do, for them?”, it’s this thought that’s, got me, involved.

The Tiny “Secret Room”

In the times of convenience communications app, who still use the landlines?  But, in the tiny room of the call center, there were, several landlines, with the volunteers, sitting in their seats, talking in whispers, looking a bit, mysterious.

Although it was called a “hotline”, but there are, a lot of the small cliques, for instance, “same-sex families”, “A.I.D.S. prevention”, “gender education”, etc., etc., etc., many of these groups needed to reach outward, the team members are all very active.  Comparing, the volunteers of the call center were much, quieter, and the other groups’ volunteers would always joked, “the call center volunteers are all, autistic!”

like peeling the layers of an onion off! Illustration from UDN.com

Surely, the most active place for the volunteers is, inside that tiny room, the door into the room was like a threshold, only the call operators are allowed in.  And, as we’d gone in to answer the calls, we’d, used the “false names”, and the privacies of every unique case does NOT leave the room, so, nobody knows exactly, what we’re, doing in there, and so, that made the other volunteers, feel, a bit, distant, to us.

It’s not easy to become an operator in that tiny room, we’d had to, go through the evaluations: signing up, getting evaluated, train for six months, and we had to pass an oral exam.

How Can Pressing an Elevator Button be an Obstacle?

But, I never imagined, that the very first obstacle I would come across, was pressing the elevator, button.

The location of the hotline office was at the busy Roosevelt Road, first time in, as I just stepped into the elevator, about to press the button for my floor, I’d, hesitated—there’s, a ton of different folks in and out of the building, there were, the employees of the offices, and also, the residential elderly people too.

The alarm started sounding inside my mind, like everybody was staring AT my, finger, I’d feel anxious: how would the perceive me, after I’d, pressed the “12” for the floors?

But, it’d not mattered which number I’d pressed, there are more than the hotline office on the twelfth.  For a while, I’d felt uneasy over the reactions—but, WHAT was I, fearful, of?

This shame and secret got buried in my mind, and, for a very long, long time, as I got to talking with the volunteers of the hotlines, I’d found, that I wasn’t, alone in feeling like so.

Getting Involved with the LGBT Communities & Getting to Know Myself Again

After I got past the obstacle of the elevators, first what I’d needed to learn, is getting acclimated with the LGBT culture and the community: the gays, the lesbians, the trans, the bis, the gay and lesbian Christians, to the families of homosexuals, and we also needed to familiarize ourselves with the topics of safe sex, and the bad reputations for A.I.D.S.

“Gay” is too generalized a term, and we only know the tips of that huge, iceberg, so, going to classes was like opening up the minds, from the uses of the terms, the cultures (why are there more and more gay bars in business but the trans bars going out of businesses?), to the societal debates (how the H.I.V. patients would get turned down by the dentists?), and it’d made me wondered, was the world I used to know, for real?

And all of these, are what the callers faced, from their, day-to-day interactions.  The male homosexuals’ are mostly concerned about their statures; the lesbians, dealing with the dual impacts of being females and lesbians, and, with the Gay bars more in numbers than the T-bars, which made well be related to how the females can’t feel safe enough to go out at night.

There are a ton of callers who worried over illnesses too, they’d gotten scanned multiple times, but still worried of contracting A.I.D.S.  Reason why this is a primary fear is due to how the media press equated H.I.V. and A.I.D.S. with gays and lesbians, which is why those who’d contracted H.I.V. still keeps on hitting the walls in their lives, for instance, the dentists would use the excuses of “we don’t have the equipment to offer you your needed treatment” to turn them away, but, others who have illnesses by blood contact rarely got, stereotyped or, discriminated against.

Other than knowing those who aren’t the same as we are, we also need to get to know ourselves.  That’s where the “groups” came in, the volunteer candidates would split into groups, led by those with most experiences to supervise, to take turns sharing the experiences, to dissect life, the process of accepting, hen, with the supervising individual, and the rest of the group, offering positive feedback.  Before we can help anybody else, we need to know our own, selves, this was, what I’d learned, the most important lesson, of all.

The Rehearsals that Left My Heart Bumping

Surely, we also needed training in the, various, counseling, techniques too: identifying the emotions, empathy, and disclosures of our own, selves, and know the S.O.P. of taking the calls of the hotlines: greeting the individuals, understanding why they’re calling, in the conversations, collecting the data about the persons (i.e. age, students or in employment, gender orientation, gender identification, city the individuals live in, etc., etc., etc.).  After we get to know some specifics about these individual callers, we’re, better able to, give them the fitting, responses.

The supervisors in class often told us, “don’t rush into giving advice”, if the advices are unfitting, to the point of not responding correctly to the callers’ problems, then, we would be misunderstood as we can’t understand them, instead, catching the callers’ emotions first, to establish that trust in conversation.

On paper, it all sounds, simple, but, putting these theories to practice, that was, something, else!  We would split up into groups, the supervisors would play the caller, we’d taken turns, answering the calls, and, the members whose turns are still on the way, would sit close by and take notes—those exposed, the wrong words being used, the awkward silence, all get, captured down, and we would be evaluated on afterwards.

The supervisors used a multitude of means to interact with us.  Some had, comforted us, “this is only for a few short minutes, you can, do it!”, while other supervisors get into characters right away, started in the roleplay, cried, ranted, cussed, everything, and it’d, made us, too flustered—while in reality, that, is how, multifaceted the callers can be in our line of, work!

Am I, Only, on the, Starting, Lines?

After the test trials, can we start, working on, the, hotlines?  Not yet!  There’s still, a final, and not everybody passes!  On the day of the test, the supervisor I was assigned to played the role of an anxious mother of a gay/lesbian person, started grilling at me, “how do I know that my son/daughter is gay/lesbian?”  “Can’t my child become, ‘normal’ again?” I’d used empathy, to get to the emotions being the caller, avoiding the “right answers” that might “kill”, fearing the caller would, hang, up.  But, she’d not accepted my means, and continued on, and I was, stuck.  As the session ended, the supervisor asked me, “why didn’t you just tell me that you didn’t know?”, then, it’d, dawned on me, how multivariate the callers can be, that there’s no one-answer-fit-all, and we can only, search for the right direction in the words of, our, exchanges.

I’d felt, very, defeated, and felt that I’d not, passed, as I got home, I was so upset, I’d finished a whole can of, chips.

And yet, a week later, I received the notice that I’d been, approved for the, hotlines, and I still can’t understand why I had, passed!  After this “round”, I’d finally realized, that to work as a hotline operator, we need to have a very strong, heart, but, this was certainly, to make sure, that all the hotline operators are highly qualified to work the lines, not to miss any caller.  While, as I’d started working in the hotlines……well, another story, for, another, time!

And so, this, is the training process of someone, becoming a hotline operator for the LGBT communities, because there’s this desperate need, for these individuals’ voices, troubles to get, heard, and yeah, we are now, more opened to the LGBT groups, but, there are still the issues that these individuals come across in their daily living, that they may need an outside perspective to help them see things more clearly, and that, is where this hotline comes in.

If Homosexuality is, a “Crime”…

Then, how many of us in the “general populations” will get, “put to death” (like by the DEATH penalty???)?

If homosexuality is, a “crime”, then, a lot of us in the population don’t deserve to LIVE on this @#$%ING, planet, because of our, sexual, orientation.

If homosexuality is, a “crime”, then, this must be like those, “original sins” that we man are, “charged with”, with our blood, dirty upon birth, and it’s only with the BLOOD of the CHRIST (that DUDE who got, SACRIFICED on that, cross back in???  Jerusalem, was it???), that we’re all, washed clean, and, all it took is the DEATH of ONE, to save, all of us, sinner!

and, here’s, that, “statement”, in a, photograph…

photo from online

If homosexuality is, a “crime”, then, being a lower order of species of living organism is too, after all, we can’t choose it if we were, born, can we?  Of course not, as the two adults (our god damn parents???) consented to score that FUCK on each other.

If homosexuality is, a “crime”, uh, it isn’t, we were born, and, unfortunately, some of us (not naming names still!) while we were inside our mother’s tummies, we got exposed to a little estrogen or androgen, and that’s made us into who we are by BIOLOGY, then, our mothers were the ones deciding to carry us, full-term, or for some of us, we’d, “come out” early as, premature babies, but we still, survived.

And now, the Catholic Church, is “kind enough” to STATE, that “Homosexuality is NOT a crime”, and, we’re all, gracious for His Holiness’s mercy, aren’t we???

Yeah, this is still SHIT if you ask me, but hey, what would I know, I’m just, a HERETIC online, DISSING the “teachings” of the HOLY Bible, which isn’t really, that, holy in the, first place here.

Why Does it Matter, Who I, Love???

Unfortunately, we, do NOT have the right to decide, WHO it is that we want to, be in love with, despite how “openminded” this world is, becoming here…

Why does it matter, WHO I, love???  I mean, I can love someone, who’s the same sex as I am, I know I’m, entitled, to fall in love, just like, that “next guy or gal”.

Why does it matter, who I, love???  And, when is it, anybody’s business WHO I am in love with, huh?  Who I am with (I’m still “with STUPID” here!!!), is nobody’s business, but, my.

photo from online

Why does it matter, who I, love???  Because the world assigned us, into its own, expected gender specifications, and yeah, so what IF, there are, now the laws that passed to allow for people of the same sex to be married, that still doesn’t mean, that this group of us, who are, different compared to the rest of the “general publics” (and, how’s that defined???).

Why does it matter, who I, love?  I can be a man, in love with man and woman, I can be, a man, in love with another man, or a woman, in love, with, another woman, or, someone who just loves, NO humans, and the pets, if I so choose!

So, whoever the @#$% (maxed out!) I choose to love, is, entirely UP to ME to, decide, the law has NO say in it, the family does NOT have a say in it, the society, the outside world (outside of my own, physical presence) has NO say in it, and that, is, that!

And no, still NOT an, “advocate” of LGBT rights here.  But right to live our own lives, HOW we choose….

Just so we’re, clear, I LOVE, four-legged, wagging tail, wet noses, the ones I can train to respond to my commends of SIT, STAY, good boy, now, fetch “mommy” her pink bunny slippers sort of a “gal” here.

GPS for Gays

Let me see, who’s in my vicinity that might be, interested, in hanging out with me here……….oh, I see that blinker, I’ll go there then!  Translated…

The first year of iPhone for me was 2007, my very first smartphone was Sony Xperia from 2012, the prevalence of smartphones in Taiwan back in 2014 got to seventy-percent of the population.  The smartphones combined with the GPS system, with the friendship apps were born, made the physical bodies into geography.  This turned the friendships of gale males upside down.  But, before-Smart to SmartPhones, the transitional phases, there’d been, a very short-lived website: GapMap.  The site is active during the “with the needs, but when the SmartPhones weren’t prevalent enough” back in 2010.  I was still not yet into my doctoral program, still lived with my boyfriend at a suite high up in a building.  My desk was in the midst of that penthouse, and, perhaps, due to the fengshui, I’d not, opened my field of vision, nor my life, wide, enough yet.

One day, my good friend, Doobe told me, that there was a website, GapMap, that I could see those who are…close to where I live—I’d tried register online, the image was like GoogleMap, but, with every person a dot, like the tacks on a map.  And, passing the Fuhe Bridge, there were, the highly inhabited region of Zhonghe and Yonghe, living up to its name of “first class warzone”, the map needed to be maximized, then, maximized, again, to see the gaps between the people.  There was a headshot like a sticker that’s, stuck on my head, I can’t remove it—looking at the face more closely, it seemed like that gay man on the twelfth floor, the one with the French dog.

something that’s like…this! found online

The Fengshui programs told that if the walls aren’t with light, our minds will always and forever be, closed.  And yet, there’s, only limited living spaces in the city.  I’d turned on the GayMap daily, like I was, opening the window, to see a wider, world, to resolve the problems of fengshui of my wall over my desk.  It’s just, that the location of the GayMap GPS, it’s based off of the individuals’ needs, I’d often seen Elvin, Dong, from someplace, hanging themselves above the Hsintien Creek often.  From upstream to downstream, the heads floated, like the ships of an ocean, very interesting, and malicious.  Looked like the people afloat, actually, they’d, swum out of the Red Sea, that was, a way of appearing too.  I’d not cared about cheating a lot, but, going north to south, south, to north, scanning from the origins of the creek, to the exit, it seemed, that I’d, immersed, completely, in water then.

My “field” discoveries ended, with the coming on of the SmartPhones, the friendship apps automatically set up the priorities for me based off of my geographical location in relation to others’, from near to far off.  There’s only a limit to the number of people whom you can see on this trial version of the app, there’s a dense population of gay people in Yonghe, I can’t get my cursor out of Anhe and Shuanghe Boroughs at all—the hands of the goddess that’s blocked up the Monkey King of the digital era.  My friend, Doobe who is out of the engineering majors, told me, that this isn’t difficult, there’s the false GPS system software.  We can be physically in Yonghe, but our minds, Thailand, before we travel abroad, we’d already, set up our location at the hotel we are to check in abroad, and, gotten along with those around us virtually, and, as we physically arrived we are, already, well, connected.  I’m completely taken now, the desks, the walls, and now, my imagination, became, limited.

And now, iPhone got to the fourteenth generation already, and, I’d still gotten reminded time to time of GapMap.  Maybe, it’s more like that gap, opening up this tiny hole in the times.   Can drag it with my hand, or, imagined a false location, I’d wanted to know the gay population in Zhoushan Island too, if there are passionate boys like me in Hai Phong, Vietnam, if there are Dongs who are like me, holding my location above a lake in Vieng Chan, Cambodia………………

So, this is how the invention of the internet, of programs like GoogleMaps, help people stay, connected, especially in this day and age, when face-to-face contact is next to impossible, especially due to the outbreak and all of that, we longed to connect, establish that sense of hey, I know you, “friend”, let’s hang out online, and see what sort of troubles we can get ourselves into, yada, yada, yada.  And these apps aren’t that bad, if you use them in the correct means, if you only use them for the sole purpose of socializing, and connection.

The Next One Will be Better

Caught him cheating, and so, it’s, break up time!  Translated…

The summer evenings, with that, smoky, scent and the breezes so gentle, I’d asked the person I was into to a date at Bitan, and it was getting late, I’d worried, that he couldn’t make the final trains, I’d told him to, go ahead.  Normally, it was me who watched her leave, but this time, he’d told, “every time I’d left before you, this time, I will, watch you go then.”, the two of us stood still at the gates, and I couldn’t, turn him down, and so I’d, told him, to be safe on his way home tonight.

It was midnight, as I was ready to pick up my scooter to ride him, I’d bumped into my professor who was just getting out of a dinner party. We’d chatted for a bit, as I’d, ridden out, readied to go home, I saw the passenger riding on the back of the electric scooter, she looked, more and more, familiar, and I was shocked to realize, that it was my date who’d said she will see me off first; at this time, he’d wrapped his arms around the waist of another man, the two were laughing and talking together.

It was like the primetime soap scripts, I was, shocked, afterwards I’d called him up, and he’d admitted that he had, many whom pursued him, that I was, merely, one of the, many.  I got angry, and stopped all contacts with him, I’d told my friend about this, and he’d only smiled and responded, “thank heavens you found out early, the next one will be, better!”, I’d clasped my hands together, “Grateful I am to you, professor, you’re, with all the, foresights I needed!”

And so, had you not bumped into your professor on that night, you wouldn’t have been delayed, and had you not been delayed, and you wouldn’t have caught your boyfriend with another guy, and so, it was bumping into your professor, that was exactly what fate ordered for you, to find that your boyfriend was, a cheat!

We are Not Allowed to Love Who We Want to Love

We are NOT allowed to love who we want to love, because the LAW states, that the institution of a marriage exists only between a man AND a woman.

We are NOT allowed to love who we want to love, because the world is still, narrow-minded in accepting those who are different than the majority of populations, and those of us who don’t fit this “norm” are forced underground to live, to NEVER come out into the light, to stay inside the closets, LOCKED up.

We are NOT allowed to love who we want to love, the law won’t give us the right to love one another, because we are of the same gender.  We are NOT husband and wife, not spouses, but, partners without the rights over our own way of life.

We are NOT allowed to love who we want to love, because that is how it is, we were born wrong, or so they hinted to us, but, there’s nothing wrong with our sexual orientation, it’s not as if, we can, choose our own sex, or the sex we love, opposite or the same!

Adoptions More Difficult for Same-Sex Couples, Finding Surrogates Overseas is a Long Path

The issues that came rushing up, after same-sex marriage is signed to become, “constitutional”…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The singer, A-Mei’s agent, Chen and his lover Darren married last year, they’d posted the good news, they had a young infant son from a surrogate, it’d sparked up the debate on same sex marriage rights and surrogacy in this country.  The infertilities experts pointed out, that it’d cost three, to four million dollars for same sex couples or heterosexual couples who are infertile to find surrogates overseas, and the adoption processes of after the child gets here, is quite grueling, and the infertility experts called out to the Department of Welfare Sanitations, to amend the laws, to legalize surrogacy.

Chen told, “as I saw the photos I’d started crying aloud, instead, Darren was, quite calm”, having the same last names, they’d nicknamed their son “Chen-Chen”, and currently, the infant is still in the U.S., he said he’d already found a Taiwanese nanny locally, that a month from now, the family will be together, he can’t hold back the excitement.

The two started trying to conceive at the start of 2019, and made the selections of ova, health examinations, harvesting their sperms, testing for the matches, etc., etc., etc., in the end, Darren’s sperm was used, to match up to an Asian female’s ovum, through the legalized surrogacy in U.S., the surrogate mother gave birth to “Chen-Chen” in the U.S., Chen told, that the most difficult part of the process is the outbreaks, causing a lot of the procedures to be adjusted and adapted constantly, that the cost ran up to about $4.5 million.  Because Chen had NO childrearing experiences, he’d started looking for the advices online, and is considering taking the parenting classes, A-Mei was moved to tears, cried harder than Chen did.

first step, “mixing” the sperm and the ovum…photo from online

A lot of the same-sex couples are facing similar trials of life, a lot of the gay men worked up the courage to come out of the closets to their own father, and said, “no matter what, I will have an offspring, to have someone to carry the family’s last names”. The long-term advocate for legalizing surrogacy, Chiao-Tzi Chen said, this is a common difficulty faced by a lot of the homosexual men, children are an important element of a marriage and of a family, but, for the infertile couples, Taiwan makes it impossible to find surrogacy, let alone, the same-sex couples.

Lee who’s an authority in infertility said, “it costs ten thousand U.S. for one in-vitro fertilization try, if more tests are required, then, add another, twenty thousand U.S., and the families need to pay the surrogate another three million N.T.s, and the whole cost runs up to about four million N.T.s to start up.

Lee said, the surrogate mothers provided the uterus, and during the time they are carrying, their lives are, restricted, most pregnancies takes 280 days, the costs to find a surrogate in U.S. is approximately $10,000N.T. a day; if the constitution can be amended here, then with the procedures set up by the law, it can protect the rights of the surrogates, to prevent the bridge of rights of the asking party; and he’d estimated that if the surrogacy is legalized here, it would only cost a million dollars N.T. here.

Lee stated, that waiting for the birth of the child, as the couple returned back to Taiwan, they needed to file for the adoption papers, then, the same-sex couple would become, rightful parents.

then, “implanting” into a woman’s, uterus comes next…

with the “baby”, “mixed” inside, a PETRI dish! Photo from online

Chen said, from the experiences taken from U.S., because the conflicts of adoptions runs a lot higher than surrogacies, Taiwan needed to set up the fitting surrogate laws for the traditional couples here, and, as this gets set up, then, the priorities would be discussing the matters of surrogacies for the same-sex couples, and this will help reduce the problems brought on the declining birthrates.

Yeah, this is on advocating legalizing the process of surrogacy here in Taiwan, because right now, the same-sex couples are going abroad to find surrogates, because surrogacies aren’t legalized here yet, and, by legalizing surrogacy, the government is making our uteruses into “baby incubators”, when that is NOT what we women are, production MACHINES of babies, are we now?  And there are not just the legal issues, but also, the morality concerns here to be considered.

The Gift of, Love

The final gift of love, of acceptance, she’d, left, for her son to have, after she’d, passed away, translated…

The red-and-violet colored paperflower are in full bloom in the garden, she sat, in her wheelchair, with her son, pushing her around, going between the bushes, the wooden beams of the floral rack cut the sunshine into, chunks, and this is, a freeze frame of bliss, while the footsteps of death, are, quarantined, in another, space.

She was hospitalized from the complications of her lung cancer’s metastasis, stayed in the terminal ward now, and, just like most of the single mothers, she’d, worked hard, raised her son up to a man, and her son is, in the high-tech industries, making the top dollars too, and although, he’d, studied away, and worked in a city away from where she lives, the two of them mother and son, don’t see each other regularly, but she’d, firmly believed, that the youths, the breaking up of the earlier years in her marriage, what’s waiting toward the end, is the blessings she was, bound to receive, and yet, her blessings had, yet to be granted to her, and, she’s now, faced with death.  I’d, consoled with her, that her son took a leave of absence for FOURTEEN days from work, just to stay by her side, that instead of wallowing in self-pity, she should instead, cherish this time she has with him, because this, was such, a rare occasions, when it’s just the two of them, mother, and son together!

“My empress, I’m here, for my shift.  Sir, you can, head over to the bank to sort your business out, and worry not, the empress I shall keep, company of!” I’d, intentionally, bowed to her, as the ancient imperial times, she’d started, laughing, and told, that her mood’s lifted up since she started living here.  Her son also told me, “thank you, aunty volunteer!  Since my mother got here, her body stopped hurting and she’s, sleeping, better too!”

illustration from UDN.com

Seeing this wonderful kid off, she’d, smiled that satisfactory, smile, then, handed me her cell, wanted me to record her last words on voicefile for her, that was, the gift she has, for her son, and that, was the very first time I’d ever heard of someone using her last words, as a gift.

We’d, used the backdrop of the flowers in full bloom, and she’d, started, stating the words using the accent of Hakka speaking in Mandarin, told her son things.  She’d felt, that she was always, someone, who’d, lowered her head, worked hard, and NEVER had the courage to, shoulder anything, so a lot of things, she’d, told her son to decide for her.  And, she’d wanted to apologize to her son too, that she’d known of his secrets long ago, she just, didn’t say anything, she was, struggling with it, blamed herself, believed, that it was because she’d not shown him enough care and concern, to cause him to “turn” this way, then, she’d felt that if her son can have someone who’s, supportive of him, a partner for life, so what if, it’s another man that he’s, in love with?  But, as she’s still living, she didn’t have the courage to face her son’s, “friend”, but, she offered them, her fullest, blessings now, this was, the only gift she can, leave, behind for them both………

As the fourteen days were up, her son left for work, on the noon, shortly after we’d, brushed her hair, bathed her body, she’d, set sail, to the, other side.  I’d, handed the cell phone to her son, told him that his mother’s, last words were in the voice recordings.

As I past the waiting room of the families, I saw a good looking, older boy sitting, and my instinct told me, that he was, it, I’d asked him to head into the hospital ward, to be with his “friend”, and tell her thanks, goodbye, that aunt had already, given them, her, blessings.

After I took that boy to the ward, I’d gone to water the plants in the garden, and, that paperflower bloomed, even more, radiantly under the bright sunshine, and I’d, recalled how it was, when I’d, recorded her last words for her, and I’d started humming that oldie, “I want to give you the gift of love, wishing you, all the, happiness of the world…………”

This, is the final gift this mother gave to her son, and, the man’s homosexuality, must’ve, caused some unease in their lives, but, I’m sure, that after this man hears the recording of his mother’s, final words, he will realize, that she’d always been on his side…