Category Archives: Problems with Grown-Ups

Please Let Go, and Trust in Me, Having an Overbearing Mother

The problem here, is still NOT with the daughter, but with the mother, but, does she realize it???  Of course N-O-T, translated…

From awhile ago, on the news, a certain organization had been losing money by the year, the second-generation owner decided to sell of the office building, for cash, the founder, as he was, interviewed, stated, “My heart ached as my son did it, but now, I’d, trusted in his decisions entirely!”

This pair of father and son made me so envious, and at the same time, I’d, felt heartache for them both, because how I’d, wished that my own mother, can trust me like this father had his own son too.

From the views of the world, I guess, I’m, the pride of my parents: made high grades, gone to an all-star institution, and, managed to pass the exams for a public office on my very first try, I’d never needed my parents to worry over my school performances or my work.

Although my mother stated verbally, that I’d, done well for myself, but she’d, never had faith, that I can, handle things on my own, whether it be how I’d spent my money, how to treat others I meet, whether to have children after I married, who should care for my child if s/he was born…………my mother’s criticisms came at me, never-ending, “it’s for your sake”, was her most widely used phrase, and her weapon.

She’d never understood, that what she’d believed to be a show of care and concern, her nagging, was interpreted as how she didn’t trust me enough, I’d tried to tell her, but her response was always, “Those with your last names, can’t take any criticisms from others!”

When I was interning, I’d, lived at home, I’d had a crash on a rainy day, and, as I’d, bent my knees, my injuries started bleeding, but I’d not let my mother know, I’d, bent down, holding the pains in, as I’d helped clean up the house, until my mother rode out to get the groceries, and found the head of the motorcycle dented, that, was when she’d, found out.  I’d gotten into another, serious crash after I was married, and, it’d been years to this very day, I’d still, not told my parents what had happened to me.

Of the two wrecks I got in, I was, very scared, but I knew, that other than feeling anxious over me, and nagging me, my parents couldn’t do anything for me, and they’d, surely, blamed me, for being, too careless too.  And so, no matter how painful, I’d much rather, hide the truth from them.

I’d never doubted the love my mother had for me, but every time, as I’d, wanted to show affection towards her, she’d started, lecturing me, and in the end, she’d added, “Nobody else is going to tell you this, I’m your mother, that was why, for your sake, I’m, telling, you the truth!”  in my mother’s mind, I’ll never be, enough, there are, always things, I can, improve, and, all of my good performances are, matter-of-fact, and yet, the imperfections, are what pricked at her, and she’d needed to, get rid of them.

But, my dearest mother, you know what?  Your daughter may not be perfect, but, she’d always tried very hard, worked hard, can you just, let go, and trust in me?

And, hopefully, this woman’s mother can see this article, and change the way she interacts with her daughter, but, I’m still, NOT holding MY breath, because parents like these, they think what they’re doing, IS for the good of their young, and they just keep on, doing whatever the F*** (maxed out???) they’re doing, using their same old ways, probably because they were, treated as such by their own parents (‘cuz these sorts of SHITS still gets passed down, from one generation to the next, like D.N.A.???) and this daughter is going to, have a very difficult time, getting closer to her mother that’s for sure…

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The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimi Liao, translated by me…

The child to the sloth, or, the sloth, to the child…

Let’s take it slow now…………

No matter how quickly the world changes………

Let’s just, take it slow……………

No matter, how worked up others are around us………

We will, continue to, take it slow together………

One day…

Someone will, finally, get us………

Understanding, that slower is faster……

We’re in no rush……………

Slowly, slowly, slower, slower………………

And this, would be how hard you’re all, PUSHING your children, to catch up to your tempos or paces, and by doing that, you’d, deprived your young, of taking their times, to grow UP slow, at their own paces, and, at the same time, you’d, SLAUGHTERED your young children like P-I-G-S, depriving them, of a happy, AND carefree childhood!

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Two Things that the Middle Schools Failed to Teach the Students

The downside of this reform in education, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

Recently after the results of the college entrance examinations, the related questions are once again, brought up, all of these problems, may be the issues of the systems, but, they are also a reflection of the blind spots of education, we failed to teach the younger generations the following:

Plans for One’s Futures: all the parents know, that entering into college is a very important decision.  But, other than preparing for the entrance exams day and night, what ELSE did we put in, for preparation’s sake?  We’d been led to believe, that so long as we scored high enough, we can attend ANY school we wanted to; but, the colleges are filled with an INFLUX of students who’d chosen the wrong majors, and has an even HIGHER rate of dropping out.  Aren’t the youths of eighteen years-of-age allowed their rights to explore their areas of interest?  Couldn’t they have the chances, to fail at the options they were choosing?  Shouldn’t they get to know the situation in those schools they’re applying to?  Are they really certain, of what they’re doing? 

The writer recalled, back when he’d applied for graduate school in the U.S., in order to make the best choice with limited funding, he’d conflicted between the choices of schools, or the majors, but, after going through that, I’d understood better, the purpose of me, studying abroad.  The whole purpose of the application process, is for the students to sort through their plans for themselves in the next four years, to choose the major that is mostly fitting to oneself.  But unfortunately, we’d educated the students by rushing them through the lessons, then, giving them endless reviews, examinations of the subjects, unwilling to let the students find their own separate piece of sky, no wonder, the college interviews, the entrance exams for the separate majors are almost exact, and, the schools had spent a TON of money, to publicize the academics, and not getting the desired results.

The Students Couldn’t Live Independently by Themselves: undeniable, the process of heading to interviews will take the students all over the map, but, the parents shouldn’t accompany the children to and from, and hover over them, wasting their money away.  An eighteen-year-old youth, in order to fulfill one’s own life, venturing out on one’s own, it’s the MOST meaningful thing in life.  In Europe or the U.S., a youth such as this may have already backpacked around the world, or worked odds and ends, to provide for one’s own tuitions, but, our beloved parents seemed to be more unwilling to let their babies head off to college, and would rather treat their grown children like babies, and had even hoped that the kids would choose schools closer to where the parents lived, so they could look after them better.

To tell the truth, if the parents are having troubles, letting the kids fly solo to school, how could they possible expect, these children will grow up, to be the pillars of the community?

Naturally, a lot of the schools could improve more on the processes of deciding on admissions, for instance, they should have separate offices for the applications, and personnel who handle the matters professionally.  And, the restrictions of the percentile markings from the examinations should also be more lenient, so more of those students from less fortunate backgrounds could get equal opportunities, so they could use the potentials to overcome their backgrounds, to give back to the community later on as they graduated.  But, all of these key determinants of success is based off of the real understanding of the purpose of education: grades are a minor part of life, we needed to help our young work hard to follow their paths, to become more practical in life.  But, all of these, more important values, we’re not, teaching them at all.

Because this application process had just been set up this past couple of years, whereas they’d used the exam grades, to determine WHICH major you are to study in in the past, and so, this, is all new to the students, as well as the parents, and so, the parents AND the students NEED to adapt themselves, quickly, to how this current system works, and that, would be one thing that those legislators failed to consider, before they’d implemented the new ideals.

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Etched into the Hearts

This, is something that cuts so very deep, isn’t it???

Etched into the hearts, and, you won’t be able to remove it, like you could that tattoo of that ex-lover, with laser or whatever either!!!

Etched into the hearts, are the experiences of your painful childhood years, those years that you’d spent, all alone, with NOBODY to care for your emotional needs, because those god DAMN adults just, don’t have a SINGLE clue about how to love you, do they?  Nope!

Etched into the hearts, are the lies that he’d sold you out on, and, you knew damn well, that they’re just that, and yet, because you feared losing him, you’d allowed him, to feed you his lies, out of the palms of his hands.  Etched into the hearts, and, there’s NO way you can get rid of them all now, oh no, they’d become engraved completely, so deep down inside.

Etched into the hearts, are those painful memories, that just keep on, comin’ right back to haunt, to gnaw on you, each, and every night, and, you’re still losing your sleep………

Etched into the hearts, are the images of that child, being brutally, beaten up by her mother’s boyfriend, because she wouldn’t STOP crying, because she needed a bottle, or that her diaper is wet, and needed changing, but her mother’s boyfriend was getting high, and became really annoyed, and so, he’d picked the child up, and, tossed her, out the window, where the baby landed, into the dumpster down below, and, she’d died, from the fall too!

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Is the Child’s Oversensitivity a Behavior Problem?

So this, is what the parents have to cope with, with a way-too-sensitive child at home, huh???  Translated…

“Your daughter is so very quiet—have you ever considered, taking her to the doctors?”

“Jody is so easily hurt.  If she sees that other children were picked on, she’d cried too.  When she’d heard sad stories, she’d cry.  We don’t know what to do with her.”

“Everybody in the kindergarten is eager to participate in group activities, but, your son just refused.  Is he also this stubborn at home too?”

Do these lines sound familiar?  Of course, these words can get to you, as if, your kid’s the one with the problems, but, your child has a keen sense of observation, shows a lot of care and concerns toward others, and is very sensitive.  You knew real well, that if you heed these words, forced him to get socialized, the child would be in a whole lot of pain.  And, if you go with the flow of your child’s personality characteristics, s/he might be well-off.  And still, as the same words keep coming up, you’d started doubting, whether or not you’re fitting as a parent, and that you might be responsible, for your child, behaving the way s/he does.

How to Education Children Who are Too Sensitive?

You feared, that you may be doing things wrong, worried that no one can help you.  You might have already realized, that most of the parenting books all talked about “behavioral problems”, such as getting agitated easily, distracted, rough, attacking.  From this angle, there’s NOTHING wrong with your child.  There were NO mentions of the problems you’d encountered, eating problems, being too shy, nightmares, worries, and, strong emotional outburst, for no apparent reasons at all.  And, you couldn’t discipline your child using normal methods, even IF you’d just criticized her/him lightly, your child would have a complete meltdown.

The Words of Advice from the Experts:

When people tell you, that something IS wrong with your child, don’t believe them, and don’t LET your child believe them either.  Your child is UNIQUE, that, is not your fault.  Naturally, there would be room for improvement in parent-child interaction techniques, but, don’t ever believe that something IS wrong with you, or your offspring.

Based off of studies, fifteen to twenty percent of the children in the population are born naturally sensitive.  And, with this great number, it’s hardly “abnormal”.  Besides, in ALL the species that’s been studied, there are JUST as high records of individuals in the population that are this sensitive.  And, IF that, is the result of evolution, then, there MUST be a reason for it, we just can’t see it is all.

There are many evidence that suggests, that people who are highly sensitive are NOT necessarily shy, nor are they all neurotic OR anxious all the time, or even, depressed.  For some of the more sensitive members of the population, these emotional responses are caused by environmental stimuli, NOT inborn traits.

What, is a Heightened Level of Sensitivity?

People who have a heightened level of sensitivity are more aware of the details in their surrounding environment, and, before they acted, they’d think, thoroughly first before they took the actions.  Whether it be adults or children, those who are sensitive usually have a higher level of empathy, more intelligent, has strong instincts, with creativity, more careful, with a lot of conscience.

They understood better, the result of their own actions, and so, they’re less willing, to do the wrong things.  They couldn’t cope well with higher volumes of sounds, or an influx of information coming to them at any given time.  They would avoid these stimuli, which makes them appear shy or distant from others.  If they couldn’t avoid the circumstances of being under too many stimuli, then, they’d become “difficult to deal with”, or “way too sensitive”.

Although those who are deemed more sensitive pay attention to the details more, but, they may not have a better sense of sight, hearing, taste, or smell.  But, there are those with a better ability in one of their sensory organs.  The key point here, is that when their brains processed the information, they do it more thoroughly.  Not just their brains, those who are deemed more sensitive also have a stronger spinal reflex too.  Their immune systems are more active, they are prone to develop allergic reactions to things.  Which means, that their bodies are designed, to understand and observe this world even MORE thoroughly.

So, just because your kid cries a lot, or wouldn’t play in groups, PARENTS and TEACHERS, that still doesn’t mean that there IS something wrong with the kid, something IS wrong, with Y-O-U, stupid adult, who work so totally FUCKING (oopsy!!!) hard, to FIT all those little ones, inside just ONE square, but hey, some of us are rectangles, triangles, rhombi, circles, along with an ASSORTMENT of shapes AND sizes, and, we still DON’T just FIT properly to the “norm” (whatever THAT is!!!), so STOP trying to FIT your young INTO certain boxes, and just love them for the way that they are, after all, they still did NOT ask to be BROUGHT to the “outside world”, you two ADULTS are the ones to have FUCKED, and, out still popped???  Oh yeah, those “pretty little MISTAKES” of yours, remember?  Uh, YEAH, and, D-U-H!!!

 

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A Father Like Me, a Short Prose

Translated…

Early in the morn, I got into the shower, the jasmine-scented soap caressed my body, I was, a bit shy, told it, that I can manage.  The bubbles started striking up conversations on pointless matters, mostly relating to the topics of cleaning up the dirtiness of human life.  I was very focused, scrubbed myself down, then, I’d turned on the showerhead, with the sprinkling down of the fresh, clean water, I feel refreshed on the inside.  I’d walked in front of the mirrors, nude, holy!  I had, become, transparent now, “How could this be?”, I couldn’t even see myself, “Did I, wash myself away a little while ago?”, I was so shocked to beyond speech.  Outside of the bathroom, my wife hollered at me to eat breakfast, I’d anxiously replied, “Okay, wait a minute.”, I’d rubbed my eyes, and, glared into the mirror, still, don’t see my own reflections, in the mirror, all I saw, was a ray of light, still no signs of myself though…… “What do I do?  I’m lost!”, what would my wife and child, if they’d found, that her husband and his father gone?  “I can’t stay in the bathrooms, I must, work up the courage, march outside, to tell my family what, exactly happened to me!” I’d slowly, pushed the doors open, inhaled in deeply, walked toward my wife and children who are chit-chatting and eating, I’d worked up the courage, spoken loudly, “I’m eating now!”, they’d looked my way for a bit, then, continued to eat and chit-chat, “Don’t they think it strange, that I’m now, transparent?”  I sat down, looked down at my invisible hands, cutting up the corn and bacon omelet, “Didn’t they discover that I’m missing?”  “Do they not care at all?”  “Am I, not even, the LEAST bit important in this family?”  Throughout the entire morning, endless questions, circled inside of my transparent mind.

So, this father had become invisible, finally, as he’d probably just, focused on working, to PROVIDE for his family, without realizing, that ACCOMPANYING his wife and children would be the MOST important thing in his life, and now that he’d become transparent, he’d lost his purpose, his meaning, and, all those long hours he’d pulled in those late nights at the office were for naught, and, had he paid a bit MORE attention to his kids and wife regularly, maybe, they would be able to see him, who knows, it doesn’t matter, as he’d already, turned, transparent now!!!

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She’s Way Out of His League

A Q&A, translated…

Q A pair of worried parents wrote…

Their daughter who graduated college this year, all of a sudden told them, that she fell in love with a man who is nine years her senior in high school, the man was twenty-six then.  And U only graduated from middle school, comes from a single-parent family; his eldest brother is unwed, his second eldest has two children.

After U divorced, his only daughter was in the custody of his ex-wife.  And, the whole family lived off of the shows they’d performed, only U started working odds and ends, to help supply for the family’s expenses.

Their daughter is very into her boyfriend, the mother said that U wasn’t well-educated enough, that he wasn’t from a good enough family, the daughter told her, “a high degree doesn’t mean good character either; nor does it mean, that he’ll be nice to you, to take care of the family, and may not have a steady job.  The boyfriend, U, wasn’t well-educated, sure, but he’s willing to work hard, doesn’t spend carelessly.  As to why he doesn’t have any money saved up?  Because he took care of his family, is a good son, took home ALL of his pay, didn’t keep a cent to himself, would rather have it hard himself, rather than having his mother deal with the hardships of life.  And, it wasn’t his choosing, to be born in such a lousy family, how could he be blamed?”  After knowing each other for so long, U had always been kind toward her, if he didn’t have good intentions, she would totally know, so why wouldn’t the parents let go of their stereotypes, and accept him?

The parents believed, that the daughter is WAY too good for the man, that she’s way out of his league, and that they’re worried, that their daughter might get tricked or scammed by him, because his twenty-six, and she was merely a high school student back then.  Neither wanted to back down, the parents didn’t have any other thoughts, they just wanted to pull their daughter back.

A My Opinion

The reason that the parents were against this, is mostly due to their socioeconomic statuses and level of education, feared that after their daughter married, she will have a TON of hardship to bear.  The problem is, the daughter had set up her mind, “I’m old enough, have my own thoughts, and can make my own decisions.  If he’d lied to me, or treated me wrong, there’s NO way I would stay by him for so long.” My advice, is that the parents should meet the man first, to get to know one another better.  And, even IF they’d met, it still may NOT change their prejudices.  It seems, that the daughter’s persistence is like a carriage with nine horses, pulling outward, and there’s nothing that the parents CAN do, to pull her back for the time being.  And I’m really surprised, as to how come this daughter had been dating U for over seven years, and the parents didn’t know about it, and, in these seven years, they’d already lost the influence over their daughter’s choice.

Change a thought, maybe, just open up about the rules, allow them to date, for another one, to two years on end, and, whether or not she’s way out of his league, so long as your daughter is willing to bear the consequences of her decision, however hard or easy it will be for her, it’s all her choice then.

And so, these parents fell absolutely HELPLESS, over how their daughter was insistent on dating this man, whom they believed, was LOWER in the status quo, than they are.  Well, parents, who the FUCK gave you the right, to judge someone, because he came from a bad family background?  Because you’re way too worried about your own flesh-and-blood’s wellbeing?  Isn’t it more important, that your daughter’s happy with this man, that she loves him, and isn’t it also important, that he treats her kind, takes care of her, even though, he doesn’t have ANY money?  The parents’ values are the ones that needed resetting in this one.

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