Category Archives: Problems with Grown-Ups

Two Things that the Middle Schools Failed to Teach the Students

The downside of this reform in education, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

Recently after the results of the college entrance examinations, the related questions are once again, brought up, all of these problems, may be the issues of the systems, but, they are also a reflection of the blind spots of education, we failed to teach the younger generations the following:

Plans for One’s Futures: all the parents know, that entering into college is a very important decision.  But, other than preparing for the entrance exams day and night, what ELSE did we put in, for preparation’s sake?  We’d been led to believe, that so long as we scored high enough, we can attend ANY school we wanted to; but, the colleges are filled with an INFLUX of students who’d chosen the wrong majors, and has an even HIGHER rate of dropping out.  Aren’t the youths of eighteen years-of-age allowed their rights to explore their areas of interest?  Couldn’t they have the chances, to fail at the options they were choosing?  Shouldn’t they get to know the situation in those schools they’re applying to?  Are they really certain, of what they’re doing? 

The writer recalled, back when he’d applied for graduate school in the U.S., in order to make the best choice with limited funding, he’d conflicted between the choices of schools, or the majors, but, after going through that, I’d understood better, the purpose of me, studying abroad.  The whole purpose of the application process, is for the students to sort through their plans for themselves in the next four years, to choose the major that is mostly fitting to oneself.  But unfortunately, we’d educated the students by rushing them through the lessons, then, giving them endless reviews, examinations of the subjects, unwilling to let the students find their own separate piece of sky, no wonder, the college interviews, the entrance exams for the separate majors are almost exact, and, the schools had spent a TON of money, to publicize the academics, and not getting the desired results.

The Students Couldn’t Live Independently by Themselves: undeniable, the process of heading to interviews will take the students all over the map, but, the parents shouldn’t accompany the children to and from, and hover over them, wasting their money away.  An eighteen-year-old youth, in order to fulfill one’s own life, venturing out on one’s own, it’s the MOST meaningful thing in life.  In Europe or the U.S., a youth such as this may have already backpacked around the world, or worked odds and ends, to provide for one’s own tuitions, but, our beloved parents seemed to be more unwilling to let their babies head off to college, and would rather treat their grown children like babies, and had even hoped that the kids would choose schools closer to where the parents lived, so they could look after them better.

To tell the truth, if the parents are having troubles, letting the kids fly solo to school, how could they possible expect, these children will grow up, to be the pillars of the community?

Naturally, a lot of the schools could improve more on the processes of deciding on admissions, for instance, they should have separate offices for the applications, and personnel who handle the matters professionally.  And, the restrictions of the percentile markings from the examinations should also be more lenient, so more of those students from less fortunate backgrounds could get equal opportunities, so they could use the potentials to overcome their backgrounds, to give back to the community later on as they graduated.  But, all of these key determinants of success is based off of the real understanding of the purpose of education: grades are a minor part of life, we needed to help our young work hard to follow their paths, to become more practical in life.  But, all of these, more important values, we’re not, teaching them at all.

Because this application process had just been set up this past couple of years, whereas they’d used the exam grades, to determine WHICH major you are to study in in the past, and so, this, is all new to the students, as well as the parents, and so, the parents AND the students NEED to adapt themselves, quickly, to how this current system works, and that, would be one thing that those legislators failed to consider, before they’d implemented the new ideals.

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Etched into the Hearts

This, is something that cuts so very deep, isn’t it???

Etched into the hearts, and, you won’t be able to remove it, like you could that tattoo of that ex-lover, with laser or whatever either!!!

Etched into the hearts, are the experiences of your painful childhood years, those years that you’d spent, all alone, with NOBODY to care for your emotional needs, because those god DAMN adults just, don’t have a SINGLE clue about how to love you, do they?  Nope!

Etched into the hearts, are the lies that he’d sold you out on, and, you knew damn well, that they’re just that, and yet, because you feared losing him, you’d allowed him, to feed you his lies, out of the palms of his hands.  Etched into the hearts, and, there’s NO way you can get rid of them all now, oh no, they’d become engraved completely, so deep down inside.

Etched into the hearts, are those painful memories, that just keep on, comin’ right back to haunt, to gnaw on you, each, and every night, and, you’re still losing your sleep………

Etched into the hearts, are the images of that child, being brutally, beaten up by her mother’s boyfriend, because she wouldn’t STOP crying, because she needed a bottle, or that her diaper is wet, and needed changing, but her mother’s boyfriend was getting high, and became really annoyed, and so, he’d picked the child up, and, tossed her, out the window, where the baby landed, into the dumpster down below, and, she’d died, from the fall too!

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Is the Child’s Oversensitivity a Behavior Problem?

So this, is what the parents have to cope with, with a way-too-sensitive child at home, huh???  Translated…

“Your daughter is so very quiet—have you ever considered, taking her to the doctors?”

“Jody is so easily hurt.  If she sees that other children were picked on, she’d cried too.  When she’d heard sad stories, she’d cry.  We don’t know what to do with her.”

“Everybody in the kindergarten is eager to participate in group activities, but, your son just refused.  Is he also this stubborn at home too?”

Do these lines sound familiar?  Of course, these words can get to you, as if, your kid’s the one with the problems, but, your child has a keen sense of observation, shows a lot of care and concerns toward others, and is very sensitive.  You knew real well, that if you heed these words, forced him to get socialized, the child would be in a whole lot of pain.  And, if you go with the flow of your child’s personality characteristics, s/he might be well-off.  And still, as the same words keep coming up, you’d started doubting, whether or not you’re fitting as a parent, and that you might be responsible, for your child, behaving the way s/he does.

How to Education Children Who are Too Sensitive?

You feared, that you may be doing things wrong, worried that no one can help you.  You might have already realized, that most of the parenting books all talked about “behavioral problems”, such as getting agitated easily, distracted, rough, attacking.  From this angle, there’s NOTHING wrong with your child.  There were NO mentions of the problems you’d encountered, eating problems, being too shy, nightmares, worries, and, strong emotional outburst, for no apparent reasons at all.  And, you couldn’t discipline your child using normal methods, even IF you’d just criticized her/him lightly, your child would have a complete meltdown.

The Words of Advice from the Experts:

When people tell you, that something IS wrong with your child, don’t believe them, and don’t LET your child believe them either.  Your child is UNIQUE, that, is not your fault.  Naturally, there would be room for improvement in parent-child interaction techniques, but, don’t ever believe that something IS wrong with you, or your offspring.

Based off of studies, fifteen to twenty percent of the children in the population are born naturally sensitive.  And, with this great number, it’s hardly “abnormal”.  Besides, in ALL the species that’s been studied, there are JUST as high records of individuals in the population that are this sensitive.  And, IF that, is the result of evolution, then, there MUST be a reason for it, we just can’t see it is all.

There are many evidence that suggests, that people who are highly sensitive are NOT necessarily shy, nor are they all neurotic OR anxious all the time, or even, depressed.  For some of the more sensitive members of the population, these emotional responses are caused by environmental stimuli, NOT inborn traits.

What, is a Heightened Level of Sensitivity?

People who have a heightened level of sensitivity are more aware of the details in their surrounding environment, and, before they acted, they’d think, thoroughly first before they took the actions.  Whether it be adults or children, those who are sensitive usually have a higher level of empathy, more intelligent, has strong instincts, with creativity, more careful, with a lot of conscience.

They understood better, the result of their own actions, and so, they’re less willing, to do the wrong things.  They couldn’t cope well with higher volumes of sounds, or an influx of information coming to them at any given time.  They would avoid these stimuli, which makes them appear shy or distant from others.  If they couldn’t avoid the circumstances of being under too many stimuli, then, they’d become “difficult to deal with”, or “way too sensitive”.

Although those who are deemed more sensitive pay attention to the details more, but, they may not have a better sense of sight, hearing, taste, or smell.  But, there are those with a better ability in one of their sensory organs.  The key point here, is that when their brains processed the information, they do it more thoroughly.  Not just their brains, those who are deemed more sensitive also have a stronger spinal reflex too.  Their immune systems are more active, they are prone to develop allergic reactions to things.  Which means, that their bodies are designed, to understand and observe this world even MORE thoroughly.

So, just because your kid cries a lot, or wouldn’t play in groups, PARENTS and TEACHERS, that still doesn’t mean that there IS something wrong with the kid, something IS wrong, with Y-O-U, stupid adult, who work so totally FUCKING (oopsy!!!) hard, to FIT all those little ones, inside just ONE square, but hey, some of us are rectangles, triangles, rhombi, circles, along with an ASSORTMENT of shapes AND sizes, and, we still DON’T just FIT properly to the “norm” (whatever THAT is!!!), so STOP trying to FIT your young INTO certain boxes, and just love them for the way that they are, after all, they still did NOT ask to be BROUGHT to the “outside world”, you two ADULTS are the ones to have FUCKED, and, out still popped???  Oh yeah, those “pretty little MISTAKES” of yours, remember?  Uh, YEAH, and, D-U-H!!!

 

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A Father Like Me, a Short Prose

Translated…

Early in the morn, I got into the shower, the jasmine-scented soap caressed my body, I was, a bit shy, told it, that I can manage.  The bubbles started striking up conversations on pointless matters, mostly relating to the topics of cleaning up the dirtiness of human life.  I was very focused, scrubbed myself down, then, I’d turned on the showerhead, with the sprinkling down of the fresh, clean water, I feel refreshed on the inside.  I’d walked in front of the mirrors, nude, holy!  I had, become, transparent now, “How could this be?”, I couldn’t even see myself, “Did I, wash myself away a little while ago?”, I was so shocked to beyond speech.  Outside of the bathroom, my wife hollered at me to eat breakfast, I’d anxiously replied, “Okay, wait a minute.”, I’d rubbed my eyes, and, glared into the mirror, still, don’t see my own reflections, in the mirror, all I saw, was a ray of light, still no signs of myself though…… “What do I do?  I’m lost!”, what would my wife and child, if they’d found, that her husband and his father gone?  “I can’t stay in the bathrooms, I must, work up the courage, march outside, to tell my family what, exactly happened to me!” I’d slowly, pushed the doors open, inhaled in deeply, walked toward my wife and children who are chit-chatting and eating, I’d worked up the courage, spoken loudly, “I’m eating now!”, they’d looked my way for a bit, then, continued to eat and chit-chat, “Don’t they think it strange, that I’m now, transparent?”  I sat down, looked down at my invisible hands, cutting up the corn and bacon omelet, “Didn’t they discover that I’m missing?”  “Do they not care at all?”  “Am I, not even, the LEAST bit important in this family?”  Throughout the entire morning, endless questions, circled inside of my transparent mind.

So, this father had become invisible, finally, as he’d probably just, focused on working, to PROVIDE for his family, without realizing, that ACCOMPANYING his wife and children would be the MOST important thing in his life, and now that he’d become transparent, he’d lost his purpose, his meaning, and, all those long hours he’d pulled in those late nights at the office were for naught, and, had he paid a bit MORE attention to his kids and wife regularly, maybe, they would be able to see him, who knows, it doesn’t matter, as he’d already, turned, transparent now!!!

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She’s Way Out of His League

A Q&A, translated…

Q A pair of worried parents wrote…

Their daughter who graduated college this year, all of a sudden told them, that she fell in love with a man who is nine years her senior in high school, the man was twenty-six then.  And U only graduated from middle school, comes from a single-parent family; his eldest brother is unwed, his second eldest has two children.

After U divorced, his only daughter was in the custody of his ex-wife.  And, the whole family lived off of the shows they’d performed, only U started working odds and ends, to help supply for the family’s expenses.

Their daughter is very into her boyfriend, the mother said that U wasn’t well-educated enough, that he wasn’t from a good enough family, the daughter told her, “a high degree doesn’t mean good character either; nor does it mean, that he’ll be nice to you, to take care of the family, and may not have a steady job.  The boyfriend, U, wasn’t well-educated, sure, but he’s willing to work hard, doesn’t spend carelessly.  As to why he doesn’t have any money saved up?  Because he took care of his family, is a good son, took home ALL of his pay, didn’t keep a cent to himself, would rather have it hard himself, rather than having his mother deal with the hardships of life.  And, it wasn’t his choosing, to be born in such a lousy family, how could he be blamed?”  After knowing each other for so long, U had always been kind toward her, if he didn’t have good intentions, she would totally know, so why wouldn’t the parents let go of their stereotypes, and accept him?

The parents believed, that the daughter is WAY too good for the man, that she’s way out of his league, and that they’re worried, that their daughter might get tricked or scammed by him, because his twenty-six, and she was merely a high school student back then.  Neither wanted to back down, the parents didn’t have any other thoughts, they just wanted to pull their daughter back.

A My Opinion

The reason that the parents were against this, is mostly due to their socioeconomic statuses and level of education, feared that after their daughter married, she will have a TON of hardship to bear.  The problem is, the daughter had set up her mind, “I’m old enough, have my own thoughts, and can make my own decisions.  If he’d lied to me, or treated me wrong, there’s NO way I would stay by him for so long.” My advice, is that the parents should meet the man first, to get to know one another better.  And, even IF they’d met, it still may NOT change their prejudices.  It seems, that the daughter’s persistence is like a carriage with nine horses, pulling outward, and there’s nothing that the parents CAN do, to pull her back for the time being.  And I’m really surprised, as to how come this daughter had been dating U for over seven years, and the parents didn’t know about it, and, in these seven years, they’d already lost the influence over their daughter’s choice.

Change a thought, maybe, just open up about the rules, allow them to date, for another one, to two years on end, and, whether or not she’s way out of his league, so long as your daughter is willing to bear the consequences of her decision, however hard or easy it will be for her, it’s all her choice then.

And so, these parents fell absolutely HELPLESS, over how their daughter was insistent on dating this man, whom they believed, was LOWER in the status quo, than they are.  Well, parents, who the FUCK gave you the right, to judge someone, because he came from a bad family background?  Because you’re way too worried about your own flesh-and-blood’s wellbeing?  Isn’t it more important, that your daughter’s happy with this man, that she loves him, and isn’t it also important, that he treats her kind, takes care of her, even though, he doesn’t have ANY money?  The parents’ values are the ones that needed resetting in this one.

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Why are You Stagnant in Learning?

Translated…

Last week, a friend of mine called to inquire, said that her friend’s daughter was having difficulties in her piano lessons, could she come and talk to me.  After I told her okay, a certain lady did call me up, we talked about what’s happening in her daughter’s life, “My daughter had performed outstandingly in the competitions in the past, and recently, she’d met a fork in the road, couldn’t perform as well as she’d wanted to, but didn’t know how to get beyond it.”  The mother said, the instructor suggested she be sent to another teacher, to get another way of educational methods, and ask me to recommend someone.

“Before I give you a recommendation, let me ask you a question”, I said, “Is your daughter interested in piano, or music?”

“She’s interested in piano, she doesn’t have the habit of listening to music.”

“Doesn’t she attend the piano performances or recitals?” “She needs to prepare for her tests, don’t have time to go.”

“Then, the answer is all too clear.  If your daughter took up Chinese calligraphy, she’d used the techniques, the strokes to write, but didn’t understand the meanings of the words she’s writing, she doesn’t feel a connection to the words, do you think, she’ll be able to write wonderfully?  In other words, even IF she’d been excellent in the technical front, she doesn’t understand the music she’s playing, and is unsure of what she’s trying to express in playing, and is unclear of the purpose of other people’s music-playing, how can she NOT met that fork in the road?”

Can someone just take up an instrument, but NOT learn the music, and NOT liking it?  Of course, that, is your personal choice, even though, it would be a total shame—a ton of parents want their kids to take up an instrument, with the focuses other than just the techniques, for instance, to get the child to have better work ethics, to train the child to think rationally, to increase one’s own ability to feel, etc., etc., etc.  But, NO matter how wonderful these added qualities are, the most directly related to playing an instrument is still learning the music and appreciating it, and, you can’t equate learning an instrument with learning music at all.

If the purpose of taking up a musical instrument is NOT to become a professional, then, you must NOT overlook the importance of music appreciation.  With the child’s classes getting heavier and life getting busier, after letting practice slide for some time, the songs the child was able to play so very well when s/he was younger, may NOT sound so flowing after the child grows up and play it again, and, the child might not even want to play it again.  Which means, that what the parents put in, the money, the time, the energy, they’d only gotten the child’s ability to play the instrument, wouldn’t that be costly, and such a shame too? But, the thought of musicality and appreciation, can independently exist, outside of the ability to play an instrument, and, it would be something that spans across the lifetime.  And, since it’s an investment, the smart parents should make it long-term, to have the children learn to appreciate music and play a musical instrument, so, the child will carry both forth in one’s life.

And this, would be the problem of traditional Chinese parents, they want their kids to be excellent in the techniques of something, but NOT allowing the child to truly appreciate the thing that they’re FORCING on to their offspring, and that’s just the WRONG way of teaching the kids, and, IF you forced your kid to sit in front of that sheet music, that piano for TWO hours every day, what do you think you’ll get in the end?  A kid who came to truly appreciate the value of her/his music abilities, or, just a kid who’s sitting for those two hours, and NO MORE, because mommy and daddy made me?

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My Mother-in-Law Spoiled Him Rotten

Let’s see who gets to PICK UP the pieces on this one!!!  Translated…

Since my husband’s youngest brother and his wife divorced, he took his child home to live with us and my parents-in-law, my mother-in-law, because he felt sorry for her grandson, for not having a complete home, she’d spoiled him rotten, and would do as he’d dictated, and, the child became a self-centered, spoiled rotten BRAT who’d thrown his temper tantrums when things don’t go his way.

Living under the same roof, even though, I disagree with my mother-in-law’s teaching methods of her grandson, but I felt, that I have no place to say anything, until recently, I’d discovered that my husband’s youngest brother’s son started talking BACK to my in-laws, and, he’d used harsher, and harsher words, each and every time, to the point that he was basically cussing them out, and the words that came out of him didn’t sound like anything that a six-year-old kid would be saying, it’d made me realize how serious this became, because this time, is when he should be undergoing some vital growth processes, that it should not be overlooked at all, I’d finally, started talking about this child, in a round-and-about way to my mother-in-law.

I could understand where she was coming from, and, it’s not my place, to tell my mother-in-law, NOT to spoil him as much, and because my husband’s sister-in-law also wanted to get back together with his younger brother, and my mother-in-law wanted to see that it happens, she’d allow her to come a few days a week, to be with her son, and so, I’d suggested to my mother-in-law that maybe, she could describe the child’s mental states to my husband’s youngest sister-in-law, to have her spend more time, communicating with him.  But my mother-in-law told me, that my methodology may not work at all, because the early matured child had come to believe that it was his mother who’d done wrong, that his mother had done wrong towards him, and so, how could he be respectful and willing to listen to her.

Hearing up to here, a mixture of emotions came up to me, I’d told my husband’s youngest brother told, of how he was too busy at work, that he couldn’t manage to find the time, to discipline his own son, and so, he’d left the education of his own child to my in-laws, and his wife, who wanted to patch things up with her son, kept sucking up to him too, didn’t dare tell him right from wrong.  In the end, everybody knew how bad a temper this child had, and yet, NOBODY in the family wanted to tackle this problem face front.

My husband too, tried stepping in, to discipline, but, his youngest brother turned him away, and so, naturally, it was NOT my place to say.  Everybody wanted to make up to this kid, whose family got broken, but, none of them ever though, that spoiling him like so, can only do more damages to his life.

And so, because the in-laws felt that they’d owed this child a complete family, so, they’d let him rule, and, the father of this child too, same as the mother, and so, the adults are overcompensating, while this kid is enjoying, RULING that household, when he is the YOUNGEST of them all, and this, is just a very bad example, and, if this kid doesn’t get STRAIGHTENED out (and it looks like he won’t ever!!!) soon, well, you’re gonna have a BIGGER mess on your hands, parents!!!

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