Category Archives: Mental Health Issues

When You Get Depressed…

Hey, don’t drag ME down with ya!  I just, climbed out, of that HOLE, not long ago, and yet, it’s, your, turn…

When you get depressed, my skies, stays dark, with the shadows, and the thunder clouds, rolling in the distances, coming, near, near, and nearer, threatening that huge storm.

When you get depressed, get your self out, I don’t CARE what you need to do, see that therapist, pop a ton of pills, eletroconvulsive therapy even, just, get it, F-I-X-E-D already!

like this…

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photo from online

When you get depressed, it affects me too, because I’m, your wife (yeah, uh and you wish!!!), and, being, an emotionally-connected couple, we feel, EVERYTHING that one another’s, going through (and I still wonder, WHY can’t you go through MY labor pains for me here!!!).  When you get depressed, I knew better than to get in your way, I’d, ducked for cover, hide, underneath, anything I can find, and, keep my fingers crossed that it’s (whatever I’m hiding under???) sturdy enough, that my protective covers, don’t get, blown…………………

And yet, I still, get, H-I-T, by your thunder, lightning, and everything that, hurts!

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Filed under Connections, Enmeshment, Life, Marriages, Mental Health Issues, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Huang: Writing on FB, Getting Along with My Illness, “Everybody, I’m Experiencing My High Cycles of Bipolar Right Now”

Opening themselves up, to the online community, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Telling the World about Their Depressions, They’d Fought BACK the Tabooed Names of Mental Illnesses

“I really want to die”, Huang had posted the line on FB many a times, sometimes, she’d told the process of slashing her own wrists in detail, or, posted the photos of her own self-inflicted cuts on her wrists. Huang sad, since she was sexually assaulted by someone she’d met online, she’d started experiencing hallucinations and became suicidal.

Replying to the Comments, Don’t Force-Feed Me the Chicken Soup of the Soul

“I wrote on impulse, because when the emotions came, it became too hard for me to bear”, there were those who’d left the comments of, “hey, don’t get upset” or told her to seek out spiritual guidance on the comment sections of her posts; Huang replied back, “Don’t force-feed me the chicken soup for the soul”.

Huang, posing at her favorite spot in school, the staircases, with the sun shining down

黃靖茹喜歡校舍樓梯間的陽光,她常在這裡拍IG上的配圖。記者許詩愷/攝影
“I just want to be free, I just want my pains to be acknowledged, that others won’t have to be tried as hard as I’d been”

Six years ago, Huang went into counseling for her cyclothymia, and was treated with prescription medications.  This is a milder form of bipolar, when she had a relapse, she may be bedridden for two weeks, only cried, not eaten, not spoken, and mutilated herself.

Born in 1999, as a millennium baby, she’s used to writing her thoughts on FB, she’d told the real-life experience of her being sexually assaulted, being overcome with her cyclothymia.  “Everybody, I’m manic now!”, she’d still announced on FB, sounded like “menstrual cycle”, very, matter-of-fact.  But, on FB, she’d, reduced that impulsivity she’d felt, and, gotten to learn to get along better with her own mental illness.

There’s no nationality of the younger generations’ coming out with their hurt.  The Japanese tennis star, Naomi Francois, in Time Magazine stated, “I hope that people can understand, it’s okay to not be okay!”  Because she wasn’t well psychologically this year, she’d, refused to go to the press conferences of the French Open this year, and she was fined; after she’d won the first rounds of tennis matches, she’d announced that she was out of the competitions, due to her depression.

The famed gymnast, Simone Biles, who won FOUR Olympic gold medals in the Tokyo Olympics this year, she’d dropped out, stated, “I need to take care of my mental health now.”

And, this still just showed, how far, these younger generations had come, from being socialized to not tell about it, to breaking down the barriers of discriminations, the taboos of mental illnesses, opening up about their own experiences with mental illnesses, post-traumatic stress response, and, their experiences are going to, help a lot of whom are experiencing similar things, and, these are, brave younger generations of women we need to look up to.

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Filed under Abuse, Life, Mental Health Issues, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma

Lee Set Up the Lost-from-Society League, to Help Change the Unfriendly Atmosphere of the Society, “Stop Seeing Only the Illness & Not the Individuals Who Have it”

The experiences of her bipolar, and how she’d, used her experiences, to help others who are experiencing similar trials in their lives, offering them the support she worked so hard to get, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

When Yun Lee was twenty-one, because she had the self-mutilation wounds on her wrists, her school reported her as “attempted suicide”.  Since that day, she was labeled as “person of interest” by the local offices of sanitations’ system of “suicide watch”.  Lee was placed in psychiatric care, and psychotherapy, but this was, a despairing process of her to experience.

Three years ago, Lee gathered her own journal entries and used the pseudonym “Lin” to publish the book, “Note of Psychological Illnesses”, criticized how the psychiatrists only see the illnesses, and not the patients.  Using a pseudonym, because she didn’t want to announce to the world that she has bipolar, she said, the society expects those “who help others to be mentally stable”, that the notes of her self-mutilating process were nowhere NEAR okay, if she disclosed that she’d had these encounters, it may impact her jobhunting process.

Until two years ago, she’d started writing under her real name.  Because she and other psychiatric patients like her, set up a “Taiwanese Psychologically Ill Association”, a support group from the angle of trauma medicine, to help the voices of the psychologically ill patents get heard, to change the unfriendly system.

“Homosexuals also came out together”, Lee had been out of the closets for many years already, the experience of coming out as a lesbian was from her “Crazy Persons’ Movement”.  She’d called herself “crazy”, and, embraced the blemished identity of being psychologically ill, like how some of the homosexual persons called themselves “queer”.

「精神病手記」的作者李昀一直關注精神病友的權益,也與病友寫信維持情感支持。記者胡經周/攝影
the woman, who wrote the book on her own mental illness, who cares a whole lot of others who’d been diagnosed with a psychological illness like her, replying back to them in letters…photo courtesy of UDN.com

Lee pointed out, the psychologically ill persons’ reasons for not “coming out” is same as the reason why homosexuals couldn’t, worried that they may lose the connection with the “normal” people in the world: “When you’d become nothing in the society you live, this, is how it kills us, not the illnesses themselves.”

The writer, Hsu was thirty years prior to Lee, and back then, the talks of homosexuality, mental illnesses, were even more, tabooed.

Two decades ago, as those who had depression were afraid to go get treated, Lin penned down, “Goodnight, Depression”, to describe his own experiences with depression.  After his book was published, he’d received a ton of reader responses, and showed his passage to the psychiatrist treating her/him, and, another had placed his publication on the nightstands, to remind her/himself, that “I’m not alone.”

In 2009, Lin left his final note on his blog, ignited a discussion on the boards.  Hsu knew, that he didn’t WANT to die, and the reason he’d published that final note was because he was in too much pain, that he couldn’t, take it anymore.  “Maybe, I’m, making an example of myself, to the other people with psychological illnesses, that if you can’t take it, seek out help.”

Writing, showing up, these are, all, signals of S.O.S., a need to be, understood.  Lee often received calls from others with shared experiences as she, “They felt that I understood what they are going through.”  But even IF we have the same diagnosis, that doesn’t mean that I understand what another individual is going through, that I can, empathize with them.  “Every patient is an island”, with varied reasons of what drove us insane, and we are all unique, in the expression of our, insanity, but, “being together is enough, at least, we won’t, feel, so alone in this.”

And so, this points out the importance of having that needed social support when you’re in trouble, but, even if there are supports, people don’t normally seek it out, because, they’re all still, socialized into thinking, that, mental illness is bad, that if I come out of the dark, people won’t understand me, and so, they keep on, suffering on their own, without knowing, that all they need to do is to, reach out, and, help will come to them, and besides, that very first step out, is always, never easy, because you don’t know how the outside world will see you, and nobody wants to be labeled as, CRAZY, so that’s why, all of these sufferings, are going, unnoticed.

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Filed under Life, Mental Health Issues, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Socialization

On the Physical Assault Case of the Female Store Clerk, Nobody IS a Bystander

On the random physical assaults, the attacks of the innocent individuals by the mentally ill, and how none of us are, free from the responsibilities of how someone got injured by a person with psychological illness, observations, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The case of the female store clerk being physically assaulted in Pingdong brought up the matter of those who are mentally ill and living among the general public.  Mostly, those who has a mental condition, aren’t labeled as violent, but they should live, in seclusion, away from the public.  Because statistics show that there’s a higher rate of acts of violence in those who hadn’t been formally, diagnosed.  On this, I have three points for you to consider:

First the patient’s own sense of pathology is the most basic of preventive means.  If you’re human, then you will fall ill, and, if you are ill, there are the treatments in therapies, medications to help relieve your symptoms, an individual who doesn’t know how to treat one’s own body well enough, it’s truly a shame, and in the end, s/he’d used violent means, and made the victims and oneself, pay.

Secondly, the stereotypical beliefs about mental patients which were too deeply rooted in the minds of the public.  Some reports used words like, “the individual is seemingly psychologically ill, and that’s why s/he committed a crime that caused regret”, and, if we’re exposed to this sort of wordings long-term, the general public is bound to set up their minds about what psychological illnesses are.  And once that label gets slapped on, it would be hard to rip the labels off, and so, as the media press reported on the case, of the police officers tried to solve the crimes, they would naturally assume that the individual is, psychologically ill, thus, carried the prejudices in investigating, reporting the cases.

Thirdly: there’s a lacking in interpersonal relations and social support and the social security nets being set up.  Every person has a subjective point of view, some of us, are stubborn in a certain thought, and that can’t be changed.  You can say that the man has obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, anxiety disorder, but, to the individual, as s/he is experiencing the feelings, the thoughts, it’s, too real to her/him, and when the condition gets too serious, then, the chances of tragedies might occur.  And, to spot the abnormal behaviors through supports from the relatives, friends, families, as well as social network, social welfare programs, to not allow an incident, to become that final, straw.

Nobody wants oneself, her/his family members to get ill, and I’m sure, that none of the psychologically ill patients would want to see these sorts of tragedies to keep on occurring, it would become a pressure in one’s own life, as well as causing that widespread panic in the society.  We all must, take part in keeping the society safe, nobody is an outsider in this.

And so, this is on the lack of awareness of psychological condition, of how we are used to slapping that label on someone, because let’s face it, that would be, WAY much, easier, than to help the person get the help that s/he will require, to recover, and so, that’s why this sort of tragedies keeps on happening, again, again, again, and again, and we’re all, responsible for why this keeps on, happening, because we didn’t do anything, to help that person in need out, and the person CRACKED, and went on that shooting, stabbing rampage, and nobody can be without, the responsibilities for doing SOMETHING about it, because we can all chip in to help out, it’s just, that we used that, hands-off, N.I.M.B.Y. attitude to it all.

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Filed under Abuse, Crime & Punishment, Life, Mental Health Issues, Murder, On the Wrong Side of the Law, Perspectives, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

With a High Chance of Repeatedly Offending, Placed in Protective Custody for Five Years, the Families of the Deceased: Can’t Accept This, Will Fight for an Appeal

Another case of how a VIOLENT OFFENDER, with a mental condition had, escaped, the death, penalty here, still NOT justice that’s what this is!!!  How the insanity plea, worked in this, psycho’s, “favor”, and there’s NOTHING that anyone (including the justice systems) can do about it, crime & Punishment, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The man, Chen clubbed his neighbor, Chung to death, the Pingdong District Court, based off of the psych evaluation by the psychiatric department of the hospital, believed, that as he’d committed the murder, he was relapsing from an episode of severe paranoia from his schizophrenia, that he couldn’t control his own behaviors, used the first of Penal Code 19, found him not guilty, and placed him in protective custody for five years.  The families of the victim couldn’t accept this, they will ask the district attorney’s office to fight for an appeal.

There are just a case of how a female store clerk, Pan got her eyes gouged out by the man, Yang who also has schizophrenia, and yesterday the courts found Chen not guilty by insanity, which broken the promises of the local government’s setting a safety net for the sake of the locals.  The legislators also questioned on when the holes in the systems will get patched up, with the recurrences of these events?

The assault on the female store clerk of the super convenience shop, the head of the village, Chang who had been attacked by the perpetrator led a group from his village, to head to the Sanitations Department of Pingdong to make their proclamations, Chang told, that now, the people in the village are all on edge.  A villager, Wu told, that Yang had been in and out of the hospitals multiple times, and had multiple physical assaults on record too, but none of it stuck, and now, he’d used, a more fierce method, gouged someone’s eyes out, and the people are in a panic, due to this huge hole in the security net.

The assistant director of the Pingdong Department of Health & Sanitations, Chang told, that they will discuss with the Central Government on how to reach that balancing point between the rights of the mentally ill and the security of the local societies, that there is, a need for toughening up the reinforcements in the laws, that she will discuss the matter with Central government.

Two years ago in December, Chen first banged on his neighbor, Wu’s door with a wooden bat, beaten Wu to skull and hand fracture; last August, he’d clubbed his neighbor, Chung to death, after the one death, one injury he’d caused, the D.A. finally, prosecuted him on murder charges.

The courts investigated, that started in 2016, Chen had multiple hospitalizations due to schizophrenia.  After the cases happened, the Pingdong Jia-Le Hospital and the Kaohsiung Medical School Hospital’s psych evaluations all found that he was symptomatic of schizophrenia, with strong persecutory paranoia.  The Kaohsiung Medical University hospital found that the coworkers, the neighbors, became the persecutory individuals of the self in life, causing Chen two get into multiple fights with others, without the proper treatment measures, and his life being shut in, lacking that strong social support system, in the end, causing the brutal physical assault on the individuals whom he had the persecutory beliefs from.

The judge believed that it was Chen’s paranoid schizophrenia that’s made him committed murder, that he didn’t have control over his own actions.  Based off of the first of Penal Code 19: “no punishment for individuals who are undertaken by the mental conditions, who couldn’t control one’s own behaviors”, gave him a not-guilty verdict.  But considering the severity of his assault, of how Chen’s conditions can’t be watched over by his own family, and without the proper treatment measures given to him, there’s a high chance for him to offend again, that it’s seriously dangerous, placed him in five year protective custody.

And so, this is still, nowhere NEAR, justice for the victims, because this man poses a danger to himself, as well as others, but because he’d been diagnosed with schizophrenia, instead of charging him with attempted murder, and physical assault, he only got a slap on the wrist, placed in protective custody, in the, psych ward, and what happens, if, after his release, his schizophrenia “acted up” again, and he murders someone, huh?  You just don’t let these loose cannons go all over the places on the streets, and yet, there’s nothing that the justice systems can do, because he’s been, diagnose with a mental condition here!

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Crime & Punishment, Excuses, Improper Misconducts, Life, Mental Health Issues, Messed Up Values, Murder, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Punishment Doesn't Fit the Crime, Right to Life, Vicious Cycle, White Picket Fence

The Holes in the Security Nets of Society: the Case Had Been Discharged Many Times Before, and Passed the Psych Evaluations of the Professional Psychiatrists

How safe, are we, if the psych ward can’t, even, correctly identify the dangerous who might harm others, huh???  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The social security nets is the vital policies of the president, Tsai, yet, there were the repeated cases of attacks on locals in Pingdong by someone with schizophrenia, the female super convenience store clerk had been severely wounded, and the president’s policies are questioned.  The head of the county, Pan stated, that this is a serious problem, a lesson learned, that he will, evaluate the laws more closely.  The psychiatrists suggested the families to get their loved ones into treatment, to not go soft of these individuals with these conditions.

Based off of understanding, Yang, the assailant from eleven years, had similar records, started in 2017, he was treated, and categorized as “difficult to cure”, every time he was admitted to the psych wards, he’d started crying that he wanted to be, released.  Pan said, Yang had been in and out of the hospitals multiple times, and had been evaluated closely each and every time, other than the related rules, all the assessment made for his discharge went through the professional evaluation of the psychiatrists.  But, the patient had injured others multiple times, Pan stressed that he’d already, requested that the hospital enforce a stricter rule of evaluation, and the man will be admitted to the psych ward as a long-term resident now.

The C.E.O. of the Pingdong Clinical Psychologist Association, Hu told, that the case has violent tendencies, always used threats of violence on others, that she’d advised to have him locked up long-term.  If the families wanted to take him home, then, they must learn how to interact with the case, to avoid violence, to change their ways of, interacting, relating to him from before.

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a place like this then…photo from online

Hu said, that psychological disorders aren’t a “get-out-of-jail free card”, the penal code 19 states, that punishments shall be waived if the individual can’t tell the difference of right and wrong behaviors due to psychological disorders, or other mental conditions.  But, the third of penal code 19 also stated that “unfitting to be used if the act of harm was intentional, or the individual admitted to knowing what’s right and wrong!”, and, if treatments aren’t given, there will be, the criminal charges enforced.

Hu suggests that the family seek out help as early as they possibly can, a lot of the families, due to their lack of understanding of the psychological disorders, are afraid, with the communications with the trained professionals, they can accumulate the skills to caring for their loved ones, and can, more easily, avoid similar acts of violence from recurring.

and this is the modern-day “version” of the psych ward…

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with the professional shrink’s treating the patients individually, photo from online

And so, this, is due to the lack of education, because the families aren’t trained like the professionals at the hospitals, they couldn’t offer the help that these mental patients needed to recover, and, if these mental patients aren’t getting the help they needed, then, some will become, violent, if they have the violent prior tendencies.  The system of evaluation is still, too loosened, too, lacking in this case.

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Filed under Bad Behaviors, Issues of the Society, Mental Health Issues, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Violence in the Media, White Picket Fence

During the Outbreaks, Caretaking in the Psychological Sense Became Too Tiresome

The provisions of medications being lacking, because of the lockdown due to the outbreaks of MERS-CoV, trying these families, harder than before, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Toward the issues of dementia and psychological disorder, with the treatment measures of medications and other methods, it’s the methods that work best right now; and yet, due to the outbreaks, the formerly called “dual treatment measures” can only be put off, and after awhile, it’d impacted the rights of the patients, as well as their families.

I work in a community hospital, and found that my patients are faced with the problems of running out of medication, and can’t get the refills.  Primarily this is caused by the clusters of infections, that the hospital halted its clinical treatment sessions for seven to fourteen days, which means that the patients can’t return to get the refills, and this is, a cause of their, unstable conditions.

The nonmedicinal treatment programs, due to the halting of operations, of these, included the centers of activities of demented elderly, along with the long-term care facility of psychiatry that got started last year, the lives of the tempos of the patients got altered, and they’d lost the focal point in their lives; while the family members, lacking the social support, they’d even lost the programs of having the physicians’ home visits to check up on the clients too, to reduce the chances of the spread of MERS-CoV.

Or maybe some would state, that if you can’t go to Hospital A to get the treatment measures needed, then, you can go to the opened and operating Hospital B to get the treatments that the patients are in need of, theoretically, this is applicable, but, not in the practical sense.

Of the reasons, one being, the patients needed to be present at the treatment sessions, if the patients are weakened, immobilized, or residents of long-term care facilities, couldn’t have the family members to get the medications from Hospital B.  precisely stated, only the patients who are still able to move about freely, those who are weakened, elderly, couldn’t.

Secondly, the process of treatment in the psychiatric department is relying solely off of the familiarity of professional with their patients.  To help the patients in the time being, switching them to Hospital B, changing hands of the treatment program’s physicians, it will do more harm than good.  And if this can’t work, then, it’s still the patients, and their families who are, tried hard.

The outbreaks are here for the long run, and, there’s still no end in sight, and yet, the medial staffmember of the psychiatric department are, reduced by the days, with the lacking of medications, the caretaking burdens growing heavier than ever, and even if as a psychiatrist wrote the media a month ago, on how the hopes of the “Dual measures of treatment be returned to operations again”, it’d been over a month now, and still, nothing’s being done.

Based off of my encounters, the health department should get all the units together, to come up with a working plan.  First, in saving up the resources of healthcare plan provisions, to prevent prescribing the access of medications, to reduce the harms of the patients by the medications as a forefront, set up a payment plan for the medications.

Secondly, standardizing the distant webcam treatment sessions, to provide the patients with the webcam treatment sessions, then help the patients get the prescriptions they are in need of, and offer the patients the supports from the long-term care facilities, nursing staffmembers as needed, to help the cases establish the most basic levels of connections; third, using the webcam treatment sessions and the insurance plans, to set up a standardized system of billing and treatment, so the privately owned hospitals have a set of rules they can go by, and can use the adjusted payment methods, to encourage the hospitals to get onboard this program.

The W.H.O. stated that mental health is a vital indicator of wellbeing, for the sake of the welfares of the patients, to reduce the caretaking pressures of the families, there’s still that need to set up a “real social security network”, and the healthcare systems, and the policy makers all need to be, onboard.

And so, this showed, how the problem only surfaces, during the times of the outbreaks, because now, nobody can get into the hospitals, but the elderly population, the mentally ill still needed to get their treatment sessions with their primary treating physicians, and so, there’s, this lacking in the system of provision of care, that needs to be worked on.

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He’d, Struggled on the Bottom of the Socioeconomic Ladders…Partnered Up in Business with His Friend, Set a Fire, Killed His Friend, as He Got Stuck in a Bad Situation

The courts showed leniency for this murderer, and gave him a lighter sentence for murder, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

Lee held a grudge toward his friend, Chen, at the end of the year, two years ago, he’d gone to Chen’s resident, poured the gasoline around his place, committed arson, causing Chen to have burns on his body, he was rushed to the hospital, and died, the first trial found Lee guilty of murder, sentenced him to life in prison, the Kaohsiung High Subsidiary Courts considered how before he’d committed the crime Lee suffered from insomnia, and other problems, yesterday, based off of the rules of the laws of reductions in prison terms, sentenced him to sixteen years, and stripped him of his government position for ten years, this can be appealed.

Lee (age 53) has two sons with his wife, worked as a manual laborer at the fishing ports, but due to the reduction in the catches, his wages got cut to below $20,000N.T. per month, he’d started working as a temp at the waste water disposal unit, he’d also temped at the frozen foods factories as well.

In February of 2018, Lee planned to go into the shrimp business with his friend, Chen, but the work didn’t prove to be fruitful enough, he’d not made any money in six whole months, he’d attempted to kill himself by taking the medications; as he was rescued back, he’d, resumed working in the frozen foods factories again; because his second son is in college, and Lee was out of work for awhile, it’d, caused him economic stresses, plus he’d heard that Chen’s been spreading rumors on how he was lazy around, they’d gotten into an altercation in car sales too, and this, made him want to kill Chen.

On the evening of December 8th two years ago, Lee took a twenty kiloliter plastic keg to the gas station to fill up, the following day at around four in the morn, he’d, poured the gas onto Chen’s steel shack, ignited the fire around Chen’s residence, then, ran off, two hours later, he’d returned back to the scene drunk, told the police that he’d, committed arson.

Back then, because Chen was, asleep inside, by the time the firefighters got him out, he’d had second, third degree burns covering over eighty-percent of his body, as he was rushed to the hospital, he’d, died.

The first trial took into considerations, that Lee turned himself in, that he’d, admitted to what he’d done, that he he’d not reached a settlement agreement with the families due to his lacking of income, that he wasn’t someone without humanity, but the families of the victim asked the courts for a severe sentence, the courts charged him with murder, sentenced him to life in prison, and he’d had to, pay the family members of the man he’d murdered, a total of $2,547,500 N.T.s.

The second trial in the Collectivist Courts found, that Lee was originally sentenced to the death penalty, but because he’d qualified for the sentence reduction for turning himself in, but the first trial didn’t consider that he’d shown signs of depression, was mildly retarded, was insomniac, or suicidal, plus he’d pleaded guilty and was willing to apologize to the families of the victim, but the families of the victim wouldn’t accept his apologies, and that they’d not reached a settlement agreement due to his lacking in ability in paying them, believed that life sentence was still, too harsh, the Collectivist Courts reduced his sentence to only sixteen years.

And so, this is how a mental illness can, gets you a more lenient sentence, and because this man who’d, murdered his friend showed a good attitude (Whatever that meant!) after he’d turned himself in, and was willing to pay the victim’s families, that’s why he got off, easy.

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Crime & Punishment, Excuses, Mental Health Issues, Messed Up Values, Murder, News Stories, Observations, Wrongful Deaths

The Lies of the Ninth

The memories of trauma, suppressed, because the individual, was way too young, and, something DID happen, maybe, just not the version of the story that this person had told, to her/his, adult counterparts, translated…

There was something that happened when I was younger, that impacted me, something that’s, a part of, my chaotic memories…

At nine, my mother wanted me to test into the GT classes of an all-star elementary school, that’s, farther away from where I used to live, I’d gotten in, and, she’d, transferred me there.

On the first day of school, as I arrived home, I’d told her, that I was, almost, abducted by a bad guy, there was, a woman in a covered up motorcycle helmet that told me she’d brought the lunches for my mother to me.  I’d told my mother: back then, I was playing outside the gates of my school, and the woman asked me to go with her, I’d felt that something wasn’t quite right, because mom wouldn’t do that, and I’d, run scared, back to the school.  But, I wasn’t, acquainted with my new school yet, it took me, a long time, to finally, get back into my class.

As I’d told, I’d, started crying scared.  My mother was shocked, the very next day, she’d, called up the school, as well as the Department of Education to, we’d, almost gotten the case on the press; within a week’s time I was, transferred, back to my former school again.

But actually, this, was a story I’d, made up.

illustration from UDN.com圖/豆寶

There were, two primary motives of me lying: to find a justifiable reason for me heading into school ate, and find a way to go back to my former school, that’s not based off of “I don’t want to go to my new school”.

Two years ago, with my deep-rooted guilt, I’d, told my parents this truth, admitted that I was, lying to them from back when in the family therapist’s office, and I’d, made up the stories, from an illustrated book my parents bought for me, “I Have a Way”, and, the details of what the woman whom I’d told had, tried to take me away, came from the illustration of a person in a helmet, trying, to take a child away in the pages.

Because my story was, fully-thought out, without any flaws, to the point, that my parents, as well as the staff members of the school all thought it was, true, for almost, twenty years.

Do children who read, really behave themselves?  The knowledge I’d gained from reading, taught me how to commit a crime.

And yet, up to recently, I’d felt, chaotic of this memory.

There was a part of me that felt, that might there have been, something that’s, happened to me, even though it may not have been, the version of the stories I’d told?  How else, would I come up with, the specific details, including what the woman sounded like, what she was dressed in, what her scooter looked like…………

The me at nine years old, I’d, watched the scenes, played on in my mind, as I’d, “retold” my mother what had, happened (and if I remembered correctly, the highest scoring section of my G.T. exams was in the “thinking skills in space and images”).  And, I’d, started crying like there was, no tomorrow, to the point I was, trembling hard, if I were lying, then, how come I had, such physiological response?  Could it be, that I’d, fooled myself into believing?  Or, had there actually, been something that’s, too awful, too shocked, for the me at age nine to accept?  So I’d, forgotten, and, altered this memory of mine, to make it, fictitious?

Several years ago, I’d gone to a hypnosis therapy session, to deal with the problem of ‘feeling a ton of pain, but I can’t cry”.  This was, completely opposite to the me at nine, who’d, “made up a story, that’s, false, and cried like it actually, happened.”

And yet, at the physical classes, I’d shown, the “reflexive response outbursts” in crying, as the coach helped me to relax my diaphragm, I’d, started, wailing hard, it was, a sort of cry, from the depth of my body.

The coach told me, that the diaphragm is a place where, “unresolved emotions are, stored”, so, there may be, some sort of, very deep trauma from long ago, that’s still, not yet, entered, into my consciousness, stayed still inside of my body.

I’d instinctively felt, that in the lies I’d told when I was nine, there might have been something, that’s made me stuck, as a twenty-nine year-old, grown up right now.

So, something definitely happened to you, because of the physiological response of your body, and this sort of a response only comes, when the body had, experienced, something that’, extremely, traumatic, so, maybe something HAD, happened to you at age nine, just not as you’d, remembered it, being almost abducted by a stranger, maybe, it was, something else, that’s, more serious, because the body, it, NEVER lies, and it’s, up to this individual, to dig even deeper, if s/he can, to find out exactly, what had, happened to her/him in his childhood years, and resolve what happened to her/him, piece, by piece.  And, until this person resolved everything, s/he will, always, have that thing that’s, blocking her/his path, from reaching her/his, full potential.

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Betrayals, Getting Exposed Too Young, Growing Up Too Fast, Innocence Lost, Life, Loss, Mental Health Issues, Perspectives, Story-Telling, Suppressed Memories

The Anti-Social Personalities Easily Straying Off of the Wrong Paths in Life

Here’s a little history of the suspect, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The arson suspect, Tseng who burned down the home for elderly, was suspected of having antisocial personality, the scholars pointed out, that those with antisocial personality traits are impulsive in behaviors, lacking moral conscience, can’t abide by the law; and when s/he hurt others, s/he feels, nothing at all; the psychiatrist, Huang said, that the antisocial personalities are related to the people’s upbringing.

The professor from the crime prevention major of Zhongzhen University, Cheng stated, that antisocial personality disorder needed to be formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist, with the observation of the individual’s behaviors for over six months, for the diagnosis to be confirmed.

The assistant general manager of the VMH in Taichung, the psychiatrist, Huang, stated, that most of the antisocial traits were made by the interaction with one’s own external environments, in the process of coming of age, the person can’t learn how to interact with others correctly, to solve the problems that s/he encounters in life, and often resorted, to the most extreme of all measures, using physical assault, and violence, which made people fear them.

And so, this, is made by nurture, because of your upbringing, you’d, become antisocial, or maybe, a predisposing of the antisocial personality traits are needed, either way, these people are, ticking time bombs in the societies, and you don’t know when they’re all going, KA-BOOM!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Crime & Punishment, Criminals, Mental Health Issues, Murder