Category Archives: Women’s Issues

Unending questions of a girl child

Gender Discrimination, Happening, in the Unnoticed Places…

The First Assertion

As I walk towards my house, I see her tottering behind her mother. She is completely oblivious of her surroundings. Her mother is holding her younger brother in her hand. At times she tries to keep up with the fast pace of her mother and at times of her aunt who is also walking along with them. Although the baby is secure in his mother’s arms, no one is bothered if the girl child is indeed trailing them. Maybe she also knows it. Her speed becomes even more. The poor child deprived of nutrition seems weak. She is making every effort to silently grab the attention of the ladies clattering in front of her.
As we reach a fork road, the family turns towards left and I turn towards right, I am bound to think. Maybe I am making things up. But it is evident in everything everywhere that the…

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Filed under Awareness, Discriminations, Gender Inequality, Life, Loss, Observations, Social Awareness, Socialization, Vicious Cycle, White Picket Fence, Women's Issues

Walking Out of the Darkness After Losing My Marriage

The growth of a woman, translated…

My close friend, Hsin-Yi and two girlfriends’ floral shop opened, a few of us, their close friends, made the time, to give them the congratulations.

We saw how in the small space of the shop, there were so many colorful bouquets, potted flowers, and fashionable pots, plus the professional floral arrangements too, with the explanations of the concepts, it’d made us all happy for her, that she could, get from underneath the dark clouds of the loss of her marriage, and find her strength again.

Three years ago, after Hsin-Yi’s husband had an affair, she was in pain, but, for the sake, of giving her daughter a complete home, she’d decided, to put up with her husband’s bad behaviors, but in the end, she couldn’t save, this already shattered marriage of hers, and ended up divorcing her husband.

After her divorce, she took her five-year-old daughter, moved back in with her parents, other than helping with caring for her daughter, the family members would give her encouragements often.  Plus, her two girlfriends from college would often come by to say hi, have heart-to-hearts with her, hoped, that she could, get out, from under the failed marriage, to not get trapped by the depressive moods, and encouraged her, to make plans for herself, and her daughter’s sake as well.

Later on, Hsin-Yi and her two girlfriends decided to go into business together, the three of them decided to open up a floral shop.  Because Hsin-Yi had the working experiences as a wrapper at a floral shop from before, she’d naturally took up the work of packaging, selection of the flowers, as well as the designs for the pots, and the two of them were in charge of the finances and sales.

The three of them worked with the plans of opening up shop, their days were fulfilled, and, it’d ignited that sense of hope, in Hsin-Yi’s life again.

For the sake of gaining a wide variety of customers, as well as upping her own professionalism, six months before they’d opened for business, Hsin-Yi especially took lessons in how to make corsages and bouquets for the brides, hoped, that she could add to her own professionalism, to offer her customers more choices, and to give her daughter a bit more material wealth as well.

Hsin-Yi told me, that getting divorced is not scary, what’s scary was getting sucked, into the glooms of the divorce.  She’s grateful to her own family’s support, as well as her girlfriends’, giving her a lift in time, so she could get stronger, and, start again.

So, this, is with the support from her friend, that this divorcee had found herself again, and, having a social support system like this one is especially important, when you’re going through a major change in your life such as a divorce.

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Filed under Attitude, Cause & Effect, Choices, Cost of Living, Friendships, Life, Observations, Values, Women's Issues, Work Ethics

Two Rapists Out on Parole Escaped, Hsinchu, Taichung, on High Alert

Yeah, and, we’re, NO longer safe here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

It was, extremely rare, but, the sex offender out on parole, De-Yen Lin on the early morning of the 27th this month had, managed, to destroy the electronic ankle bracelet and took it off himself, got away from his residence, the D.A. already put out an arrest warrant.  The news got out, that a sex offender on parole had broken loose, it’d made the women in Hsinchu and Taichung worry, they’d asked the courts, the D.A. to watch the sex offenders more carefully.

The Taichung D.A.s office manager, Xiao-Wen Chang said, that De-Yen Lin (age 49) twenty years ago, committed robbery and rape multiple times, was sentenced to life in prison, but because he’d shown signs of remorse and behaved well in prison, he’d gotten the chance of parole.  At the start of two years ago, Lin was indicted on charges of theft, and because he was a sex offender, he was forced, to have an electronic anklet on him.

On the early morning of the 27th, the court appointed officer was watching the monitor, and found that Lin wasn’t at home, the D.A. immediately issued a warrant on his arrest, hoped, that he could turn himself in.

The Facebook Group, “Seeing the North of Hsinchu” two nights ago, posted the note: “a Released Rapist on the Loose, Women be Careful”, said, that the sex offender from northern Hsinchu, Lee severed the electronic anklet and ran off, it’d immediately gotten the online community’s attention, and the article was passed from one member of the online community to the next, and, that, was when the Hsinchu Police Department confirmed the statements.

Guo-Shen Lee (age 43) committed thirty-four cases of robbery back in 1992 in Tainan, and three of these cases involved the rapes of women, and he’d taken items such as Rolex watches from them, and was nicknamed that “Wolf of Rolex”, the following year, he was caught, and, from his first trial to his seventh appeal, the judges all gave him the death penalties, and, on the appeal of his ninth trial, the judge gave him life in prison, four years ago, he’d paroled out, and had the curfews of from nine at night to six the following morning, and he must have on, an electronic tracking anklet at all times.

Two years ago in June, Lee had sex with a hooker, and was sentenced to five months in prison for obstruction of societal values, and, he could not have his parole anymore.  The District Attorney’s Office received the notice of Lee’s parole getting taken away on January 5 this year, the very next day, Lee took off the electronic tracking anklet, and was on the run, on January 16th, the District Attorney’s Office sent out an arrest warrant for Lee, but they didn’t tell the public that he was a sex offender.

Two nights ago, the Facebook group “Seeing Northern Hsinchu” posted photos of Lee, told the online community to keep an eye out for him, the police subprecinct from northern Hsinchu received so many calls from the public, asking if the source of the news was real.

Why didn’t the police department issue the notices of this sexual predator’s escape?  The police station said, that the arrest warrant issued by the District Attorney’s office is the same as letting the public know; the District Attorney’s Office in Hsinchu said, that if after four, five months from now, Lee is still not yet arrested, then, they would consider posting his name and photograph to the public.

And, by then, guess how many more ladies are gonna get raped and murdered?  Exactly, this, is NOT good way, to deal, how can you ask the public to feel safe and secure, if a sex predator is on the loose?  It’s the justice system’s way of covering up, and, finding ways, to dodge getting blamed for not being careful enough if you ask me!

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Crime & Punishment, Criminals, Government, Policies, & Politics, Miscelaneous, Nowhere Is Safe, Observations, Reforming a Sexual Predator, White Picket Fence, Women's Issues

Treat Yourselves Better

Call it, an understanding from life if you will, translated…

As I’d marched past my half-way marker, I’d finally managed, to find a dozen of my elementary school classmates.  We hadn’t seen one another for forty years, and, we were all very surprised and moved as we met back up again.

Huei-Huei, who had her heart set on never marrying, in the end, still marched into the marriage, and, because she’d had her children late, they’re at their teenage years, the time when kids give their parents the headaches; and, she’d had to take care of her husband’s business, she couldn’t make the time as she lived in the middle parts of the island.  From the gatherings we’d had before, she could only watch the photos through her cell phone screen.

And, two years later, on this day, Huei-Huei took the opportunity that her daughter attended a conference in Taipei, and accompanied her daughter and gathered with us again.

But, I saw how stressed out she was, of the members of the family as she was with us, it truly made my heart ache.  I’d told her, “you’re here now, just go with the flow”, she’d rarely made trips, and so, she needed not worry about the goings on of her house, learned to relax herself a bit, and NOT carrying everything upon her two shoulders.

After all, we’re no longer young, nobody knows when life will end, so, we must live in the moment, take advantage of the now.

Seeing my other classmate, Pam, she’s outgoing too, also married late, without any kids, she is very good, at mastering her own life.  Wherever there are goings on, she could be found there, she’d lived her days to the fullest, and had the word, “happy” written all over her face, and, she’d looked younger and energetic.

Because of work, I’d needed to go into the hotels for conference meetings, and, would come across a ton of fashionable ladies there, they’d eaten together, and carried on in conversations in a relaxed manner, they looked leisurely.

I think, that the pressures modern day women face is way more than those who came before us, other than working hard to make a living, we’d also must take care of, raise our children, be good to our in-laws, and, we all had heavy loads we needed to carry; if we can’t find a way to de-stress, and learn to treat ourselves with kindness, then, we may have missed out on a lot of the good stuff in our lifetimes.

And so, this, is treating yourselves kindness, as a woman, because we women are giving to our families, pouring our hearts and souls out at work, and, after we’d come home, we’d still had to, take care of everything else that’s happening there, and, we run around the clocks, 24/7, and, if we don’t treat ourselves kindly, then, nobody’s gonna!

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Filed under Attitude, Cost of Living, Expectations, Interpersonal Relations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Women's Issues

The Persistence of Beauty

The ins and outs of life, translated…

My good friend, Fang-Hwa is an Asian-Korean, the descendant of the Khitan tribe, her large eyes, erect nose, deep facial features, always amused everybody around her.  And yet, in the decades that passed, she’d kept her body fit, combined with her natural flair, it’d made us, a group of middle aged woman who are gaining weight super envious.

That day, on our gathering, everybody started awing at Fang-Hwa’s good looks again, she couldn’t help but explain to us all, “There IS a price to pay for being beautiful!”  turns out, after Fang-Hwa got pregnant, she’d bought herself a fitting, expensive dress for herself, put it on, took a photo of herself in it to keep in on file.  And, in the later stage of the month-long recovery after birth, she’d started controlling her own diet, and started exercising, and something she did every single day, was fitting herself into that extravagant dress, and keep on telling herself, that she MUST fit into it perfectly.

From the beginning, when she couldn’t even pull it on, to being able to squeeze herself into it, but couldn’t pull the zipper up completely, to fitting perfectly in it, as her maternity leave was over, she’d returned back to work, looking radiant.  At the same time that we’d all raised our glasses to her, we’d all felt awful, about how we didn’t have the foresight back when we went through our month’s worth of recovery after birth, causing us all, to not find a suit that fitted after we were to return back to work, compared to the persistence of beauty that Fang-Hwa had, we all bowed down to her!

Maybe you’d believed, that everybody has a different standard for what being beautiful is, why couldn’t we just be happy, and go with the flow?  Surely, being full-figured can be beautiful too, but, we’d often heard people complain about how they don’t feel well into their favorite clothes, but, we’d raised our white flags, when great food presented themselves to us.  The result of letting ourselves go was that we’ll forever be envying over how slim others looked, and, we couldn’t control ourselves, and no matter how pretty the clothes are, it is still, a complete WASTE!

We’d always used our regular selves, and expect a different future; we’d always envied others’ good fortunes, without realizing, that behind this beauty, there’s a strict self-fulfillment, a persistence that is ongoing.  So, you shouldn’t just envy those who looked beautiful around you, but instead, take their methods, and, surpass yourselves.

So, this woman’s beauty is NOT absolutely easily had, she’d had to work really hard, and, she was motivated, and because she kept on persisting, that, was why she was successful, and this can be applied to everything ELSE in one’s life, not just losing weight.

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Filed under Attitude, Cause & Effect, Lessons, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, Translated Work, Values, Women's Issues

Should I Get a Divorce When My Husband Has an Affair?

Marital difficulties here, a Q&A, translated…

Q: L whose marriage is in the MUCK wrote…

Having known her husband for seven years, married for ten, has a daughter and a son, Mrs. L wrote several letters describing how her marriage is sinking: when L was pregnant with her firstborn, her husband became addicted to porn sites, and was about to head off to a motel with an unknown woman, and was stopped dead in his tracks by L.

In the seven years’ time, disregarding L’s words, her husband used the accuse of getting closer to god, became a spokesperson of god, to help others resolve the issues in their lives; and ever since, he’d given less and less time to his families, and, the two of them are slowly drifting apart.

Last November, she’d found out that her husband had an affair with a married female coworker, not only did her husband NOT admit to wrongdoing, instead, he’d blamed her, for not making him happy, causing him to need to find someone else, believed that it was, ALL L’s fault.

During this time, a lot had happened, L told the female coworker’s husband that she was cheating on him, the husband started becoming verbally abusive, and stated that he wanted a divorce; and, L felt, that her husband had become possessed, since he “became” closer to god.

And now what was phasing L was that the in-laws hoped, that they wouldn’t divorce, for the sakes of their young children; but her husband said, that after they’d split, they will each take a child, but, both children wanted to live with L.  Although she has work, however, she’d feared, that after the divorce, her husband won’t pay her alimony, she won’t be able to keep her kids in school, although the counselor had suggested that L gave the custody rights to her husband, but L didn’t want to, and, everything became stagnant.

A My Opinion

I don’t believe, that L really wants a divorce.  In her letter, she talked of how much the Valentine’s Day present her husband gave to her meant so much, that it wasn’t that he went out of his way to buy it, but it was a gift from the company he has business with, and, she is also hesitant, because of the issues of her children.

L can first, think about what’s LEFT in her marriage, half a dinner roll?  Or, just some, breadcrumbs?  Meaning that she needed to figure out, HOW much there is, left in the marriage, WORTH her working hard over?  And, if working hard can really make her marriage improve?  And, what are both of their attitudes?  And their shared beliefs?

Based off of what I’d read, L’s husband is someone who does as he pleases, and, when he’d done wrong, he’d wanted her apologies, and, that, was NOT his first affair either, and clearly, he’d shown, a LACK of self-control, with a total LACK of disrespect for the marriage.  But L must think thoroughly, is she was willing to give her husband another chance?  Or to get divorce, so she could have a brand new life?  If you continue to engage in the silent treatments, you’ll only end up, draining yourselves dry.

And so, for the sakes of her children, and the words of her in-laws, this woman was STUMPED on whether or not she should divorce the husband who cheated on her, and, apparently this woman CARED a LOT about the marriage, and yet, her husband’s behaviors had let her down, time, and time again, and, this, is clear to see, from an outsider’s angle, but, because this woman is involved in the play of things, that, was why she couldn’t see the truth, that, is why she felt troubled…

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Betrayals, Choices, Cost of Living, Decision-Making, Despair, Divorces, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Letting Go, Life, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives, Unrequited Love, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

A Mother, with a DEAD Fetus

This, is what I am………oh, wait a sec, I’m still a VIRGIN, meaning that I’d never done THAT!

A mother, with a dead fetus, how’d that happen?  Did someone CUT it (the sex is still unknown???) out, when she’s still pregnant, like in an abortion?  Or, did she actively, KILL “it”, because she’s NOT yet ready, to take on the responsibilities of being a mom?

A mother, with a DEAD fetus, how could she have gotten that abortion, on her own child?  Didn’t she see, ALL the things she would’ve gotten to do, with this supposed, but now, DEAD and NONEXISTENT “child” of hers?  Was she NOT excited, like all those first time mothers, mothers-to-be, expectant, of her first born?

A mother, with a DEAD fetus, it (the fetus) was, CUT out of her, as it was, agreed, by the family of the guy who KNOCKED her up, because he was, already married, and from a well-known family, that just couldn’t weather through ONE more scandal, and so, this woman’s ILLEGITIMATE baby boy or girl (as the sex is still, undetermined???), got CUT out of her, and, the mother had only  but a minute’s time, to say goodbye, to that DEAD, not-yet-formed completely FETUS of hers…………

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Filed under Being Alone, Being Exposed, Betrayals, Choices, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Early Exposures, Getting Exposed Too Young, Innocence Lost, Issues on Gender, Letting Go, Loss, Messed Up Values, Moral Responsibilities, Observations, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Social Issues, Tragedies in the World, White Picket Fence, Women's Issues