The Positive and Negative Outlooks for Growing Older

Aging positively or aging negatively, it’s all, in our, attitudes, how we interpret things of our own, pasts, do we focus more on the better, or the worse days, and that will be, the determinant, of how GOOD our old age is!  Translated…

A life of noting and knowing the tracks of, time, we all have different attitudes, for some, the older they grow, the wider the world, becomes, and yet, for some, the path they walked, became, narrower, and narrower, with every step they, took.

with the social supports of the people in your age group…photo from online

A good friend of my mother’s, is in her nineties, with many grandchildren and children, who are all very established in their work individually; she’s affluent, with good health, she’s what everybody envied as “the success group member”.  But she’s always hung on the displeasures of her pasts, and would go into details, in retelling those times that’s made her upset, of how someone some day, said something bad about her, how someone had, wronged her, who’d treated her bad…..the more she got into it the angrier she’d, turned and on how her dead husband had cheated on her, she would grow ever the more, emotional.

And, everybody would try and console with her, that she’s more blessed than everybody else around her, to NOT let those things unworthy of her remembering, trouble her, and she’d, nodded and agreed, and yet, shortly after that, she’d started, recounting all the upsets of her, past days again, and everybody around her is at wit’s end to try to get her to feel better, so, to the end, people who used to visit her often, stopped, visiting.

And now, looking at my aunt in her eighties, she’s so passionate about her life, and, loved recalling how more than a decade ago, she’d gone with her group of friends to Europe on that self-help trip for over a month.  Now she’s elder, and traveled a whole lot, less in the long-distance flights, but she’d continued, traveling the shorter distances, told us, that this is how she made her, most, precious, memories.  Being active in her community, she’d entered the line into the meal deliveries program of the local community, encouraged people around her, to accumulate the credits of helping in long-term care, so they can, use those credits later on as they may need to, to make sure that the community serves its function in keeping everyone in the neighborhood well.

or, basking in the miseries of your own loneliness of old age…photo from online

As for all those things that’s upset her in the past, she’d told, that she had awful memories, she’d forgotten all of them now, believed, that the deterioration of the mind, and memory loss were actually, blessing to the old age, helping us, let go of the burdens of worrying.  Loving poetry, my aunt had, become the, embodiment of the attitude described by the poet, Su, “happy living, returning back to innocence”, such a, wise, woman she is!

The tracks of life, left two different, results, this is what our generations can, learn, from.

And so, the former woman, she’d only, focused on everything bad that’s, happened to her, and maybe, it’s because when she was younger, she’d felt, that nobody was there to lend her a helping ear, to hear her pour her heart out, to dump her emotional garbage, so she wouldn’t, have such a heavy burden, and then, look at the woman the writer described as the second one, she’s thankful, for everything she’d been, given, and, she carried that positive attitude to her own life, and, she’s also, giving back to her communities, she’s engaged in living, with tons of hobbies, which is what the first woman failed to carry, and WHO, would you want to become when you’re, old and gray???

or you can be, happy alone too! With that hobby that keeps oneself, happy…photo from online

Taking Mom on the Grocery Shopping Trips to the Local Marketplaces

The way to get her mother out was by taking her shopping, for the groceries regularly, translated…

As We’d Shopped Around, I’d Heard Mom, Ranted on How the Produces in the Air-Conditioned Shops are More Expensive, Other than Being in Awe at How She’d Known the Prices of Things, I’m Also Quite Glad, that Mom Was, More than, Aware………….

As my mother entered into her eighties, her knees deteriorated, her spine atrophied, which caused her to become, less, mobile, being tough as she, she’d hated to be labeled, continually insisted on using the four-wheeled shopping cart instead of a walker to help her get around, to try and maintain the dignity of her, old, age.  And, this equipment, looked, quite out-of-place when she’d gone to the parks or to the hospitals, only in the marketplaces, it’d become, natural.

like this…photo from online

With the weather heating up, I’d often contemplated where I can take her out to, then, one day, the modernized marketplace in the city came to mind, my mother, who’d cooked the meals for the families, would love it, I suppose!  And so, the convenience of the location of the Nanmen Makeshift Market became a pitstop for us.  Because of the parking, how close it is to the exit, with the more spacious restrooms that are very clean, with the food shops upstairs to choose form, it’d, added more to the good moods that we both shared.  As we’d strolled to the stands, I’d heard my mother ranted on how the groceries with the air-conditioning are more expensive, other than being in awe at how she still knew the prices of the groceries, I’m also glad, that she wasn’t, a bit, slow.

From the south, we’d set out, then, we’d, gone up north, to the famous Shihdong Market, located in Tienmu, naturally, the costs of the groceries and foods, aren’t, cheap, and my mother started nickeling and diming even, harder, refusing to let me pay, as she’d thought that she’d troubled me enough, as I was the one, driving her around, she’d fought to pay for the beef noodles we’d sat down to eat, fearing that the costs of things will, put that damper on my wallet.

On the way back, we’d, followed the Zhongshan N. Road in traffic, to get a different view of the east side of the city, she’d started telling me of a friend who lived in Tienmu who’d passed, and I’d, recalled how that year, mom took me who’d, tested into a far off high school, to transfer on the buses, and finally, arrived to school on time, and I’d felt, the emotions.  At that very moment, I’d wanted to let go of my steering wheel, and hug her hard, and thanking her for caring for me without fail.

And, the grocery shopping that came after, she’d still returned back to her usual shopping grounds, and, the couple who’d sold the seafood would always welcome her, even brought a chair for my mother, for her to select the goods.  And, in front of the farmer’s stand, she’d chatted with the owner on how the climate had impacted the harvests, my mother who grew up in the countryside, was an, agile planter.  Seeing the red centered guava available, my mother, who didn’t have strong enough teeth would always, grin ear to ear.

illustration from UDN.com

Once, the client next to us suddenly asked, how many times I’d come to the marketplace?  Turned out, she’d mistaken me as the hourly hire nurse’s aide, looking after my mother, other than being envious of my mother, she’d, commended me on being a wonderful daughter; and that, was when I’d started noting, how a lot of the elderly who were shopping in the marketplace, were accompanied by the nurse’s aides, and, there were more elders who’d come to purchase their groceries, on their, own.

Since I’d started, taking my mother shopping at the marketplaces, I’d always, prayed for the shopping days to be, sunny, so my mother can push the cart and walk.  I want to let my mother know, that taking her out is no trouble at all, and, paying for what she buys, it’s my responsibility.  I just want to, help her fulfill her wishes, acting as her arms and legs, so she can, continue, enjoying her own, mobility.

Dearest mom, let’s, head to the marketplace tomorrow, to see if there’s something you want to eat.

And so, this is the heart of the daughter, in her accompanying, taking her mother shopping, and, on these trips, the mother-daughter pair became, more connected than ever before, because they’re not sharing the shopping trips together, but also, the love they have for each other too.

Joining a Jogging Group, Made Some Friends, Found a Sense of Belonging She’d Needed, the Woman in Her Seventy Started Involving Herself in the Jogging Groups, and, All of Her Symptoms Got Better

Exercise, making friends, to help reduce whatever she was feeling, and it’d, worked for her too!  The many benefits of joining in a marathon group, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The marathons in Taiwan, are an ageless workout, in recent years, there’d been more than 500 marathons in Taiwan annually, with a lot of people who signed on for these, competitive, events.  Based off of the statistical measures, there’s half of whom signed up for the Taipei Marathon who were selected, and, in a week after the Eva Air Marathon opened up for registration, it’d become, fully booked, and the personal group of running all the way up the 101, in twenty minutes after opening for registry, it was, fully, booked.

And, running became the way that many people use to help fight off anxiety, and improve ones’ own, moods.

Amy who is seventy-one-year-old joined in the running crew last year, she’s the eldest of them all.  Amy originally worked as accounts receivable for a school, after she retired, she’d begun part-timing at as financial advisor, works four days a week, last year, her twin grandchildren were born, and after she got off work, she’d helped with babysitting too, the tight schedule caused her body to malfunction: coughing, stomach aches, she’d found the time, to run as a way of alleviating her stresses from day to day.  After several months of running, the problems that she couldn’t find the causes for, all got, better.

still physically active, in their, years…photo from online, and, running the marathons are, energy, boosts! Photo from online

The running group that Amy belonged to started seven years ago, on Monday, the C.E.O. of the Super Marathon Association, Kuo who’d come in for the lectures, every Thursday, the group members set up the running teams to run, all the members of the group are elderly.

Kuo told, that running other than benefiting the health, it is also good for relieving the depressive moods, a lot of people, after they’d started running, they’d improved on their anxieties, and stresses, and, joining in the running groups, you can make new friends as well too, finding that sense of belonging, create the new interpersonal, connections.

In the past, it’s believed, that running can hurt the knees, and Kuo pointed to the recent studies that proved, that running is a great way to train the knees, the BEST exercise to prevent the deterioration of the joints in the knees.

doing her regular training on the track fields…photo fro online

The good thing about jogging is that the workout is fitting for all ages, and it’s easy for the aging population to begin to jog too.  Kuo pointed out, unless you’re a competitor, there were, rarely any joggers who’d sustained injuries due to improper postures in running, and, most of the injuries happen, due to not having enough energies in the bodies, or not enough, muscle strengths.  The running group that was described that he’d led for seven years, were with the focus of increasing stamina and improving the muscle strengths, which are the foundations to enjoy jogging.  But he’d also stressed, that you don’t need to wait until you gain enough muscle strengths to begin jogging, you can start off running slowly, and do the muscle toning training at the same time.

He’d suggested two things to do for those who wanted to start running in the elderly groups, join a running group first, that way you and your group can keep each other on track, to make more friends; then, to sign up for a shorter-distance, but long time marathon, and, after you finish this first marathon, you will, find more confidence, to keep on, running.

And so, this, is a great activity, you get to, make new friends, who share your same interests in running, jogging, and you also get your needed regular exercise in, and, you only need a pair of running sneakers to begin, and, you won’t have to worry about injuring your knees either, because, unless you’re a professional marathoner that runs, 10, 20, 30K per race, you got no worries, and you get to keep your body and mind healthy as ever too.  and that would be, killing how many BIRDS with only, just, ONE stone?  Exactly, there are, tons of benefits in running and jogging, so, start that regular exercise activity and keep going at it, to keep yourself healthy.

Together, with the Love We, Share

Finding that blessing, of having each other in life to rely on, to, grow old with, the most important things in life, are always, the, most, simple ones…translated…

I’d gone out to walk for exercise after I retired everyday, to train my body and my, mind, and that gave me a chance, to see the goings on of the local schools.

The kids now are, blessed, the tracks were paved with the rubber in elementary schools, and in the middle schools, there were the outdoor swimming pools.  Not to mention the high schools, the newly built stadium, so beautiful, the lawn of green, turned into the field where the marching band practices, on.

having that significant other to grow old, with…photo from online

No matter if it were the tracks, the pools, or, the stadiums, the young students all, gathered together, and engaged in competitions, this made me, envious; after all, I’d, lost contact with those whom I’d worked with before I retired, and, my friends who are of the same age group as I, all, live in their, isolated, states, rarely gathered together, my daughter moved out after she was married, with her husband, and, the only one with whom I get to, interact with, is, my, wife.

My significant other, the one I’m to, rely on, to walk together down this, path of our lives.  And, I’d, come to understand after I retired, that “being together with one another” is, a blessing, and we must, cherish that, to love, each other.

And now, we’d, gotten back to forty years ago, when we were, just, newlyweds, stuck to each other, every day, sharing the conversations daily, and, I’d, tried my best, to not, bicker with my wife, but to, whisper sweetly to her, when we head out, we are always, hand-in-hand, walking together, helping each other along.  I hope, that we get to, stay close to one another until the olden days, this life we are living, ordinary, but, also, very, warming.

So, this is, how simple is, happy, in the end of life, you only have, your, significant other to stay by your, sides, and if the two of you were, kind to each other, than, chances are, you two will, grow old together, supporting each other until the end, but, not all couples are, blessed with, the everlasting, love and relationship.

Not Relying on Others is a Blessing on Its Own

The attitude is, the KEY here, to living better in the elderly years!  Translated…

On the weekends, I’d come to the marketplace, heard that vegetable stand owner complaining to the ladies who were shopping, “my son and daughter-in-law are both working, they’d made, six-digit incomes per month, and yet, they’d, never, given me, a, cent!  Ahhh!  Woe is me, wanting the money to spend, I’d had to, earn it, my, self!”

Recalled how last time I’d purchased the items from her, she’d, complained about, the same, things, and I couldn’t understand it, why does this mother constantly, criticized her own, offspring?  Had her son and daughter-in-law known this, how would they, feel?

I’d gotten to the end of the market now, there was, another, vegetable stand, with the produces being sold, in the seasonal, although there’s not that wide in variety of the items, but that elderly in her seventies, as she saw the grocery shoppers coming her way, there’s, that, welcoming smile on her dark complexion face to greet us, “homegrown, no pesticides, want some???”

like this…photo from online

Once I became, very, curious her, and inquired, at her age, why didn’t she just, take it easy and just, stay at home?   She’d responded, “it’s really hard for the younger generations to make enough to live off of, I’m still agile, I’d planted all of what I’m selling, and I shall, keep on, working physically, for as long as I, possibly, can, especially when my grandson came home to visit from Taipei, I’d, stuffed that bag of homegrown tomatoes or longan for them to take home, and everybody would hug me and say, ‘thanks grandma!’, this is, blessing, to me!”

Looking at the happy and agile elderly woman, and her optimistic view of life, it’d, given me a lot, I hope, that in the future when I’m an elder, I will, not rely on my own young, and be empathetic toward my own, children’s, hard work to make a living on their, own too.  And so, every time I’d gone shopping, I would, always, go to, the elderly woman’s’ stand, hearing her called out in that energetic voice, “come take a look, if you see something you want, take it home, I’ll give you a, discount!”, and even if I don’t buy anything from her, I got to, bring her infectious joys of life home with me.

So, these are, two very, different attitudes, both elderly women are, selling the fruits and vegetables, but the first elderly woman was pushed to, because she felt that her offspring had earned a lot of money but not given a cent to her, that she had to work in her old age, while the other elderly, she was, happy at work, because she  has a very positive attitude of being able to move is a blessing.

Let’s All March, with Our Heads, Held, High

With enough support from the families, and the socializing, the emotional supports needed from the friends, it will make these hard to weather parts of life, pass with, a little more, ease, maintaining the social support with friends, having the families to support us emotionally and physically, is important, as we entered into our, elderly years!  Translated…

My exercising partners, C and H, both had to stop working out with us, because their husbands fell ill.  And, we all worried about hard their lives became, and had texted or called them up to inquire how they are, and reminded them, to take care of themselves first.

And, it’d been, around six months since we were all together, working out, we’d used the excuses of Mid-Autumn Festival to find them to gather out, we’d originally thought they wouldn’t make it, but, they’d still, showed up, right on time.

staying connected with one’s own children in the elderly years…way to get the necessary emotional and social support one needs in the elderly years…photo from online

We’d all reunited, and were really excited to see them, we’d asking them about how their spouses are doing.  Thankful, neither one of them showed the trials of their lives in caring for their spouses on the outside, they were, slimmer, but, they’re still, spirited, with the mascaras, the lipstick on their faces, hearing them talked of the trials of caretaking, there weren’t the tears, nor the, blames.  I’m guessing, that they’d, already, cried, and they found the strengths to face up to the challenges of their, futures, and I supposed, that they’d already, prepared themselves well, as they’re now, able to, come out, to meet up.

In the gathering, H showed the cute photos of her young grandson to us, turned  out, that her daughter who lives up north, worried that her mother who had to go in and out to the hospitals to visit her father who’d been connected by the tubes, that she may feel depressed, she’d left her young son with her mother, and hired a foreign caretaker to help look after her father, allowing H to have the time to play with her young grandson, to get the breather she’d needed from looking after her ailing husband.

And, C’s daughter-in-law, to allow C to take some time to relax, assigned the grandchildren who were in the elementary school years to head over to their grandparents’ home, that way, grandpa who’d had a stroke, with the young children’s company, he’d no longer clung on to C too tightly every day, and, with the grandkids, the grandfather got a chance to practice speaking too.  Seeing how all three of them were getting along so well, C told, thankful for her young grandsons’ companionship, it’d helped her husband who’d lost his ability for expression to start, smiling, again.

Life is unpredictable, who will leave first?  Who will be the one left behind?  None of that is up to us to decide.  C and H are currently at the turning points of their lives, they’d chosen to be optimistic toward their husbands’ illnesses, looking to their futures, after all, they are to, keep on going in their lives.  Especially, with the young grandchildren’s innocent faces and words, it’d made them see the hopes for the future, to find the strengths to keep on carrying on.

and the social support from the friends is important also!

photo from online

I hope that C and H, along with all of the friends we share these, connections with, that we all have, our, perfect days in the bottom halves of our lives.

And so, the attitude adjustment is the most important, and with the children’s thoughtfulness, of placing the grandchildren with the grandparents, that helps too, and, illnesses in the elderly years, is what we all must face one day, and, there’s no way to fully prepare, but we can, surely, lessen the impacts, by preparing ourselves, getting our connections set up, to have the social and emotional supports available to us all when we need, and that would, surely, lessen the strengths when everything hits later on in our, lives.

The Jaboticaba

How we can all, age better, like the, older bushes, and produce the sweeter, fruits too!  Translated…

Around Memorial Day, my younger sister came by with a fruit tree from Hsinchu, and she’d come over on a cab to deliver it.  As she’d arrived, she’d called out to me excitedly, “older sister, come downstairs, help me move this!”

illustration from UDN.com

I’d climbed downstairs, asked her, “why did you buy such a huge tree?”

She’d squinted and told, “Sis, this is a Brazilian grape tree, the owner said it will flower soon.”

Having my doubts, I’d continued, “it takes a grape tree many years to finally flower and bear fruits!  Don’t you remember that grape tree of five, six years, that finally bloomed, then, bore the fruits back home in Zhudong?  You sure that this grape tree is about to, bear the, fruits soon?”

She’d nodded, with that seriousness, “the owner said, so I’d, believed, him.  He’d told me, that the person who’d ordered it didn’t pick it up today, he’d not wanted to haul it all the way back up the mountains, that’s why he’d sold it to me, cheap, for, $1,000N.T.s.”

As we chatted, we’d, carefully, moved the tree along the steps, to haul this elderly tree, back to our, third-floor, home.

The moment the old tree arrived, but where to put it?

Outside on the balcony, the space had already been occupied with the pots big AND small already, including our father’s favorite, corsage orchid, my mother’s houseleek, the Britton’s wild petunia, desert roses, hydrangea, and my younger sister’s favorites, the hydrangeas, strawberries, basil, and, a patch of, clovers that came to our garden all on its own, along with the devil’s ivy that climbed up the walls………….I’d, rearranged the spacing of the potted plants on the balcony, made the space, for the, old tree.

a photo of the fruit tree, from online, growing, all over the, trees! Photo from online

As Memorial Day came, I’d looked after the old tree carefully by the days, watered it on time, giving it the needed encouragement!  That heart of expectation, one, I’d wanted to see, if the words of the owner was true, to prove, that shortly after I bought the tree, it’s going to, flower and bear, the fruits?

At the start of summer, the tips of the branches started growing the white buds, and, many days later, the white flowers came; and after the flowers, every flower produced a grape, and the family were joyous, in, harvesting.

My younger sister connected with this, old tree, it’s the trust in the businessman, also, a show of how strong the life forces of plants can, be.  The flowers would bloom and wither, and the fruits will come in time, I’d thought, “if the old trees are still growing greener by the day, then, why do people, fear, growing, old?”

And so, this is how like a fine wine, things can, age better with time.  Sure, we lose our youth as we grow older, but, at the same time, we’re, gaining more wisdom, with a fuller experience of the years that we’d, already, lived.

She’d Helped the Elders Dig Up the Tales of Their Lives, Telling the Stories, to Help the Elders Effectively Chase Away that Loneliness at Old Age

Helping the elders find that doorway to connect with the outside world that they’d lost contact with as they grew older, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Six months before the ninety-three-year-old elderly woman, Li passed away, she’d hosted an art exhibition of her life’s story and art at a certain café in Kaohsiung, there were 120 who’d shown up for the events that day, and everybody was someone important to her.  Toward the end of the exhibitions, she’d gotten up and bowed to them, “thank you for looking after me my whole life.”, she’d felt very blessed, that she’d had a very rich and fulfilled life.

Li was a child bride who’d lived through the harder times, she was a battered woman under her ex’s abuse, an ordinary elderly woman who lived in a small house in the alleys, although she was brave and steady her whole life, she’d felt that there was nothing worth mentioning of her own life, to the point that she’d felt lonely as her body grew weaker as she got older.

Six months before the show, the New Life Art’s C.E.O., Kang helped her looked back through her whole life using art.

In the process of reviewing over her life, Li told a ton of stories, many of which, her children didn’t know about, and that was when her own children learned, that their mother who’d been illiterate when she was younger, to change her own life, ran from Zhongli to Kaohsiung, and she’d saved someone else’s life, and quickly found a group of supporters who could help her survive, and that was when her children gained a brand new respect toward their, mother, “mom’s amazing!”

Other than putting that new force of life into her own family, recalling the past also helped her connected with thing of her past.  Li recalled those friends she had from long ago, whom she’d lost touch with, and she’d immediately called them up.  Some of her friends are no longer alive, but she’d still, put them into her creations of her own memories.

Kang worked with Li for six months, she’d gained a new understanding of companionship—the powers of companionship doesn’t necessarily come from the “physical person”, but when you think about that certain someone, remembering the love, remembering the times you two had shared, whether or not s/he is around, you’ll feel, no longer alone or lonely.

Kang told, that in her service, she’d responded back to the elder’s loneliness by letting them tell the tales of their youths to her, she’d invited the elderly to tell her what had happened in the past?  How did they feel?  How did they respond to the situations?  Then, they’d talked about how the elderly feels about the events right now?  Through this process, the elderly were able to review over things in their lives, and also, created the new connections with others.  A lot of the elders could use their artistry as a point of origin, to start up the conversations with their own, families.

And so, this person had found a way for the elderly to open up, through art, and, that is needed, because as we grow older, we will, lose the connection with the society, because we will have less and less in common with what’s going on, as we’re, old, and the rest of the outside world is, still, quite young, and this program helps the elders find that connection back, and it’s important to feel that connection to the outside environment, to age gracefully.

With the Wisdoms, We Can Age Gracefully Alone

Aging, gracefully, continuing on our lives, growing older, with nothing, bothering us, it’s all in the, attitude, translated…

Returned home from my friend’s funeral, my baby rushed up to me, with that deep look of passion, hearing me tell her how much I’d, missed my, friend.  And yet, a little while later, she’d, started, yawning, reminded me, “time to take me outside”, in this era of aging and living alone, it surely, isn’t easy, to feel, free, with a furry child isn’t enough.

First, we need to maintain a balanced diet, and regular exercise routines, and sharing that connection with our friends who’d shared similar interests; remember to go to the scheduled physicians’ visits and take our meds on time, getting the health exams regularly, to prevent the diseases and illnesses; to set up that living will, to sing a DNR, to ensure that we will be, respected in our, final rites.

with old friends…photo from online

Also, make the better connections, be someone likable, treating our neighbors, our friends with that ingenuity, that kindness, be patient, as we listen to their stories; learn to order things from online, to call up the rides, be in the groups, to set up a well-rounded communication network.

We also need more confidence, but remaining flexible, using that openness to welcome all sorts of possibilities of life.  When there’s the remodeling needs in our home, don’t panic, go find the DIY tips on YouTube first, for instance, how to change the valves in the toilets, replacing of the faucets, cleaning the filters in the air-conditioning units, and for the major things, go to the plumber/electrician you’d called on normally; to analyze the issues with a calm mind, solicit the advice from experts, set up a plan before acting on it, the clouds in the skies, will always have that glow of white around it, when you have kindness, and good thoughts in your minds and hearts, all shall be, resolved, without much troubles.

When you’re lonely, you can go into the embrace of nature, enjoy reading, music, and art.  When I sketch and paint, I’d kept, taking apart the structural, denying, then, when I reassembled, enjoying myself, in the colorful paints, and that gloom inside of me, got the needed, outlet.  Give others a break, give ourselves a break, everything that we can’t pass through became, no big deal.

and an old dog by our side…photo from online

And so, this is the right kind of attitude as we age, I mean, there’s, not much that should be, bothering us as we grow into our, golden years, and we should, let it all, go, but sometimes, we just, trap ourselves too hard, and that’s no good.

Kids

As the parent, age-regressed back to, childhood, and the child grew up, into, adulthood…role reversal here, translated…

“Look!  Two yolks in the egg!”, “The cuttlefish glowed in the dark!”, before I started school, my mother would use these, tiny, surprises, to enlighten, me.

And, as I grew older, all of these items became, what she’d, packed for me for lunch to take to school.  In first grade back then, there wasn’t the provisions of the school lunches, the steam baskets to reheat up our foods, it was from her making it in the morn, and, she’d, brought the lunches to me at school.  In middle school, there was a classmate who had the eyes on the sunny side up my mother made for me, and he’d, often, traded with me with the best item his mother packed, for him.  As I’d started working, I’d continued this habit of getting my lunches from home, and when I was on a conference call out of office, I’d asked my colleagues to finish my lunch for me, and they’d always had nothing but good things to say about the lunches, and I’d told this to mom, she’d always smiled, and not said, a single,, word.

I kept on believing, that it was a matter of fact, that the lunches my mother made for me are with a ton of good stuff in it.  But as my father died, the few years after that, the lunches became, lighter, lighter, and lighter still.  My mother no longer dyed her hair, started forgetting things, she’d not gone to the favorite marketplace to shop for her groceries as she used to anymore.  The neurologists diagnosed her with dementia.

But, the “missions to feed her children”, this very first act she had been taking on since I was little, had been, deeply, etched into her, mind.  When she woke in the early morn, she’d often, mumbled to herself, “what’s for breakfast?”, after supper, she’d asked me, “Do you need to bring a lunch from home tomorrow?”, and she’d only, inquired, and not made anything else that came after that.

And I’d had to, start, learning the duel with the pots, pans, and the steel spatula.  My mother had dentures, a loss of her appetite, and every time we ate, she’d eaten like a baby, slowly, chewing down her food.  She was originally, quite, slender and slim, she’d, shrunk even more as she aged, and, when she was in a mood, she’d become, more like a kid.

And so, we’d, still interacted with each other from forty years ago, it’s just, that I’m now, her parent, and she, my child.

Only when it comes to cooking, she’d, recalled her status of, a mother.  I’d, coaxed her to come to shop for groceries with me at the marketplaces, then, she’d, followed me, who’s not even agile enough in the kitchens in, that’s become, a daily, routine now.  And, all of these, familiar, realms which she dominated, it may reduce the holes in the sift temporarily, to slow down the losses.

One time, the T.V. said something about an “aged soy sauce”, and, I couldn’t understand what it’d meant, and I’d, asked her, without a second thought, she’d, responded, “it’s black bean soy sauce!”, and, that was, a moment of, wonder, like how the sun finally, came out, after a whole season of, rain.  Actually, I, who’s still, testing out the waters in cooking, still hoped to grab a little something onto, from my mother, the knowledge that returned temporarily, after the tsunamis of memory loss hit, became, ever the more, precious.

illustration from UDN.com

One night there was a outage, we’d, lit up the candles by the gas stove, she started cleaning the vegetables, I, cooked.  The candle light swayed like the star light, illuminating my mother’s, silvery, whites.  At that moment, I’d felt, that a lot of times, life is, about preparing a simple meal, from start to, finish.

After we took out the trash after the meals, sometimes, I’d led her by the hand, to go to the nearby super convenience store to buy something, to get her exercise of the day in, just as how half a century ago, she’d, led me by the hand, pointed to the flowers by the sides of the roads, the puppies now, she’d, turned into, an, innocent, child.

I didn’t have any children, but, I do, because, there’s, always, the child that lives, here.  That child had, grown, old, and the adult, age regressed back, to the, innocence of the childhood, days again.  We’d, switched, places now, becoming, a full circle, and that, is the rotation of the, stories, of this, home.

And, so, this is how you took care of your own, mother who’s, demented, just as she’d, taken care of you, shown you the world you live in, when you were, just, a young, child, and, this is a good thing (not the dementia), but how you have the chances, to, mother your own, mother, to take care of her, to repay her for, raising you up, into, adulthood…