Category Archives: The Fate of a Woman

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Codependence, Dependency, Despair, Enmeshment, Life, Loss, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Fate of a Woman, Wake Up Calls

Why Couldn’t She Care For Her Own Mother & Older Sister Back Home?

Because we’re already married, and, it’s NO longer our responsibilities to, but we’re still asked to, because we are, daughters!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Mr. C felt taken for his good friend, Madam A’s situation…

The sixty-year-old Madam A since she retired from a teaching post in a public school, she’d gotten the monthly retirement pensions.  Her eighty-five year-old elderly demented mother who had a stroke was left in the care of her never-married, eldest sister, who’d helped put A through her schooling to handle.  But now, her eldest sister is getting older too, and was without a job, and could no longer care for their mother.  A was grateful toward her older sister for her kindness, and thought, that the caretaking of the mother, they should shoulder together, and so, asked her husband if she could use a part of her monthly retirement pension, to put into helping her eldest sister and mother, but, the husband was strong and forceful in denying her the rights, and, put strict restrictions on her accounts.

Later on, A couldn’t put up with how her husband had insulted her own families, left her own home, and, used the money she’d earned to help make the ends of her, her eldest sister, and her mother’s livelihoods meet, but the husband said horrible things about her endlessly.  A wanted to divorce, but she couldn’t abandon her only daughter who is living and working overseas, what, is she to do?

A My Advice…

All the earnings that A brings in, was allotted by her husband, and, the husband treated his own family of origin with generosity, but, his in-laws with stingy, he’d used double-standards.  Her husband had put up the money for his own younger brother during the holidays for a very long time, and even covered the expenses of his trips abroad, and A had never said anything about it.

Four years ago, when A’s mother had surgery on her uterus, she’d put up the medical bills of $50,000N.T. herself, back then, her husband was abroad, and, he’d thrown a FIT after he’d returned, claimed that when his mother-in-law sells the house, he will get the medical expenses back.  And now, her mother became demented and had a stroke, her husband had used even harsher words, “Your mother and eldest sister are the TUMORS of our marriage!  BAGGAGE!”

This never-ending insult, caused A to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, she’d wanted divorced, but worried about the effects it would have on her grown daughter, she couldn’t make up her mind about it.

If A really wanted to divorce, her grown daughter is not the issue here, the important thing is, is there nothing left between her and her spouse.  A must make up her mind, and, making up her mind is: collect the evidence, find an attorney, to protect her own assets, to NOT end up with nothing in old age, after working hard her whole life.

And, I’d imagined that this is still a build up, the husband’s behavior toward her side of the family, and maybe, because the husband was NOT a direct member of her family, meaning that he didn’t HAVE a parent with dementia, or siblings that needed the economic supports, that, was why he was not at all understanding to his own wife’s doing things the way she’d done, and, the money she’d earned, was her, what RIGHT has her husband, to put it into a joint account?  And plus, the husband covers for his own younger brother’s living expenses, even travel fees too, so that, is double-standards that this LOSER is holding!

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Filed under Being Alone, Betrayals, Broken Promises, Choices, Decision-Making, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Enmeshment, Excuses, Expectations, Issues on Gender, Life, Loss, Marriages, Messed Up Values, Obstacles in a Relationship, Old Age, Perspectives, Planning for the Future, Professional Opinions, Rationalization, Relationship, Socialization, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Declarations of Independence, The Fate of a Woman, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

From a victim to a survivor here, translated…

When I heard people tell me, “On the fact that B had died, we really don’t know how to make you feel better, so, that, was why we didn’t call.”, on the other end of the line, A started crying hard.

A is a hard working career woman, not only was she able to keep herself well economically, she’d also supplied more than her share of the household income. But, underneath her amazing work abilities, A had the life of an abused woman—after getting beaten by the husband, she’d reported it to the police, gone to the hospitals to get her wounds documented, left home, to get started on healing, later on, she fell into the soft words of B’s consoles to get home again.  Year after year, this was the same script that kept happening, again, and again, it’d made ALL who really actually tried to help A out feel helpless, like it wouldn’t be right, for them not to offer assistance, but, they can’t really help her out, because she keeps circling around in that same vicious cycle.

One time, we’d learned that A moved back in, I’d immediately called her up, to get her to move back out, told her, that IF she couldn’t make her mind up about leaving home, then, B may not do as they’d both agreed, go to the hospitals regularly to get checked, and the kids that grew up in this violent environment, it would be hard, for them to develop well psychologically. And still, the feelings still overcame A’s rationalism, in the end, she’d chosen to stay at home, with her abusive husband, and B, refused to check herself into the hospitals.

And, this only exacerbated, several years later, one day, A’s mother just so happened heard the rumors floating around A’s neighborhood, “We’d often heard a household getting too rowdy, followed by a woman’s crying.” She shocking realized, that the woman that the neighbors heard crying might be her baby girl.  She did some checking into it, and, it WAS her daughter, and so, the mother took her baby girl out of her abusive home.  A, who’d finally had enough of being abused regularly, finally made up her mind, never to return home again, and so, ever since, the status of A and B’s marriage became “separated”.

The days of being abused is just way too scary, A and the kids now lived independently and steadily, from day to day, with NO contact with B whatsoever. A short while ago, B who has NOBODY next to him died all of a sudden.  When A and the kids went to pick up the house, she’d found, that as her husband was starting to live alone, he’d started to change, had prepared for the children’s education and everything, and still, he’s already gone, and, no matter how much he’d saved up, it’s not going to be enough, to make up for that emptiness he’d left in them.

Had A been more stubborn on leaving, and never returning back home again, and break the vicious cycle of domestic violence earlier, maybe, it would’ve all ended differently. To every abused woman, leaving the home, making changes is never an easy choice, and yet, if you’re able to set up your minds, and end this vicious cycle, there’s still a good chance that you can rebuild your families again.

This, is still ALL in H-I-N-D-S-I-G-H-T, and, there’s a ton of “had…only…” involved in this “equation”, and, it is hard, for someone who’s been abused LONG term, to finally SNAP out of it, and, when this woman finally decided to make the changes, everything starts improving, but for this loser who’d abused her, his change came a bit too late.

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Abusing Someone's Trust, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Decision-Making, Domestic Violence, Family Dynamics, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Innocence Lost, Issues of the Society, Issues on Gender, Kids Raising Kids, Letting Go, Lives Lost, Losing Sight of What's Important, Loss, Marriages, Physical Bullying, Rationalization, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Spousal Abuse, Stories of Hope, Story-Telling, The Fate of a Woman, The Observer Effect, Values, Vicious Cycle, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence, Women's Issues

I Love You Very Much, But You’re Still NOT Going to Get “Made”

This one, is to you, my dearest, NONEXISTENT, already MURDERED, DEAD E-M-I-L-Y (and no, I’m still NOT crying here, believe it or don’t, do I really care???)

I love you very much, but you’re still NOT going to get “made” in my body, because I’d made up my freakin’ mind, on protecting you from the outside (of my freakin’ body here!!!).  I love you very much, but you’re still NOT going to get “made”, child, and, I will still have your two older brothers, Andy & Milo, the Irish Setter AND the Golden Retriever.

There are so many things in this world I wanted to show to you, but now, I still won’t get a chance, I wasn’t okay with that before, but I am okay with it now, plus, it’s for the BEST, that you NEVER get conceived, after all, you will BE leading my “old” (and it’s so totally FUCKING wrinkled up right now too!!!) life.

I love you very much, but you’re still NOT going to get “made” in my body, and, I’m doing that for ALL the right reasons, because I AM a protect mother (still NOT biologically, of course!!!), and it is MY responsibility, to KEEP what happened to me growing up, from happening to you too, my love.

The ONLY good thing that came OUT of this SHITTY life of mine is???  Oh yeah, now, at least, I won’t have to deal with that younger M***ER F***ING IDIOTIC grandson of mine that WILL eventually (yeah right!!!) run around in circles NONSTOP, puts words into everybody’s M-O-U-T-H, and that little M***ER F***ER (maxed out, remember???) WILL become a DUCK if “it” ever comes across one, “it” will also go “Woof-woof-woof”, and wag-wag-wag, when “it” encountered a D-O-G, and that, is my life!

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Filed under Abuse, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Fate, Innocence Lost, Loss, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, The Fate of a Woman, Wrongful Deaths

Adding Up the Countless Nights

By adding up the countless nights that you’d cried yourselves to sleep because of that LOSER’s betrayals, how many did you get?  A CENTURY, maybe?

Adding up the countless nights, because I tossed and turned, each and every single night in bed, and my brains, it just won’t let me rest…adding up the countless nights, but why?  Because I need to be reminded, yet again, of how you’d betrayed me, in our marriage, after all, you WERE the one to have had sex with that whore, weren’t you?

Adding up the countless nights, that I’d held my child, as she cried to sleep, rocking her in my arms tonight, I’m reminded, that you’re NOT with us anymore, and, I’m saddened, by your absence in your son’s life, but, you did us proud, you’d given your life for the sake of your country, you went, when your country called on you to serve, and, I will be telling our son one day, of the heroic actions of his daddy, and, he will too, be pound for having had a man like you in his life, as I am, proud, of having HAD a man like you in my life…

Adding up the countless nights, what do you get?  Still NOT quite broken even yet, had ya?  Nope, and, you will NEVER break even, because you’re NOT supposed to…

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Being Alone, Being Exposed, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Story-Telling, The Fate of a Woman, White Picket Fence

The Bad Feelings of Going Back to Visit My Mother’s Household Alone, a Story on Marriage

Because your husband doesn’t get along with your family???  Translated…

Back then, I was about to enter into my husband’s family, from my getting-along-well-with-one-another family of origin, to my husband’s distant, large family, my mother was real worried, because my aunt later told me, “Your mom had once consoled me, I thought, that my daughter’s personality will help her, in dealing with these issues.” Just as my mother had suspected, I’d effectively handled all the mixtures of relationships among the members of my husband’s family; but, I couldn’t change my husband’s distant personality toward his family.

After I married, every time my family got together, I’d gone alone, most of the time, and my mother would gladly accept the reason that her son-in-law, is working hard away, and would remind me to focus on his side of the family more, that I need not come home as often.

And now, my daughter is faced with similar situations, naturally, I saw her heart, and I didn’t work hard, to bust her up, and I’d worked even harder, to live a better life, so she wouldn’t need to worry.

It’s just that my daughter’s lies and when she’d come visit, it’d made me understood how my mother must’ve felt back then, how much worries, sadness, and loneliness she must’ve handled all on her own.

Until you become a mother yourself, you will NOT know the heart of your own mother, and that, is exactly what happened right here, and now, as this woman is also a mother, she watched her daughter, repeated the same path of life she’d taken up.

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Filed under Awareness, Connections, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Self-Deceptions, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Fate of a Woman, Translated Work, Values, Vicious Cycle

Opening Up that Locked Window Inside Your Heart, the Features of a Woman

Translated…

In my impressions, Mei-Yun is a person who’s very strict, never smiled, never talked, always carried this seriousness about her.  With her hair tied up in a bun, wearing a simple suit, with a pair of black flat shoes, that, was the “Professor’s wife” that I knew.

Two days ago, I’d gotten this hard-to-come-by call from Mei-Yun, she’d asked us, a group of friend to go over to her place for tea, to catch up.  As we arrived in her place, I, being sharp in the eyes, immediately noticed that the colors of the wallpapers, the freshly picked roses in the vase, to the few oil paintings on the walls, are not the same as the ones that were there from before.  She, who always kept herself the same, what had made her change so much? Mei-Yun said, that before marriage, she was an upbeat, outgoing young woman, not only did she love dancing, literature, she’d always hung out with her friends too.  Later on, she’d married her husband who is a doctor, and so, ever since, the title of “doctor’s wife” and “Mrs. Professor” tagged along, it’d made her wrap her original personality up.

Toward the outside world, she’d kept this strict impression of herself, and to her family, she’d followed the strict rules of being a good wife and a fitting mother.  But, these couple of years, she’d become more and more unhappy, fearing every single mistake, and also, cared too much about other people’s views of her.

She was diagnosed with mild depression, didn’t know how she can face up to her friends and relatives.  The meds, the visits to the therapists only worked for the time being, until one day, she’d met up with her classmate, Jade, then, everything started turning around.

Jade is naturally optimistic, encouraged her to TOSS away the restraints of how she feared the outside world would perceive her, to just let go, and do what makes her happy.  After Jade’s accompaniment and guidance, she’d picked up her painter’s brush, and got everything she was keeping locked up on the inside onto her canvas.  She slowly realized, that “red”, “yellow”, and “green”, these bright colors, are like her best friends, helping her out from the abyss of her own depression, pulling her into a brighter world.

Seeing how in Mei-Yun’s house, there hung her latest work of art: a little girl, stepping into the sun, with a bundle of colorful roses, violets and daisies, pushing open a window, and finding a deep blue ocean outside, looking very satisfied, that seemed to describe her state of mind right now.

So, keeping UP with this perfectionist façade is too hard, so much so, that it’d made this woman depressed, severely too, and so, she’d made a change to her own attitude, learned to relax, and learned that she should NOT carry and live UP to everybody else’s expectations of her, all she needed, was to live her life, and BE herself.

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Filed under Awareness, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Getting Treatment, Healing Process, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Maturation, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Peer Pressures & Influences, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Relationship, Socialization, Stories of Hope, Story-Telling, The Fate of a Woman, Translated Work, Turning One's Life Around, Values, Wake Up Calls