Rewriting the Scripts of Her Own, Life

The twists and turns of this woman’s life, that’s led her down that hard road, and now, she’s, finally able to live better, with a brand new love in her life here, after her husband back home cheated on her with another, the story of a migrant worker, translated…

We’d hired two separate nurse’s aides to help look after our mother, one from Indonesia, the other, from, Vietnam.  They were both amazing cooks, kind and gentle, like our families, we’d, gotten connected and close with them both.

Li who’s from Indonesia was only twenty-one, with her parents, her husband, and a son back home, she’d come to Taiwan to find a better way to provide for her families, I’d seen her on the phones, wiping her tears away, it’d impacted me to see, how young she was, and she’d, already, tasted the bitterness of being separated from her, loved ones.

On the weekends, everybody returned home, Li would fix the dishes from her home country for us to taste, sour, and spicy, crisp and appetizing, those who loved the spicy foods will totally love it. What was impressive was, she’d learned to cook the Taiwanese foods well, and my mother had nothing but good things to say about her, she was full of confidence, as she’d told us, that after she returned to Vietnam, she will operate a small diner, to take the business of the Taiwanese tour groups especially.  Li’s husband, every time as her payday came, would rush her to wire the amounts back home to him, I’d thought, that she needed to prepare herself, and advised that she saved some of what she’d earned here in an account of her own, to not wire everything back home to her husband, in case.  “It’s fine, I trust my husband, he is planning on building a home for us, he needed the amount to buy the lot and the materials to build up our home.”  Other than buying the coffees, the magazines, she’d not spent any other amounts, and what’s she saving up for?

illustration from UDN.com

As her term is about to finish, Li’s heart is already home, she’d looked forward to going home to the families, and we all, wished her the best.  But not long afterwards, she’d called us up crying, her husband had long betrayed her, started a new family with his new love, and gambled all the amounts she’d sent back to him to nil.  She’d given everything for family, and in return, she’d, gotten, beaten down, bruised, she’d become, so uprooted, not known what she’s to cling on to to keep on going in her own life.

She’d ended her marriage with her heart broken to pieces, the kids are placed with her own mother, and six months later, Li returned back to Taiwan again, started working at a factory unit as an operator, the factory was close to my home, and she’d come visit us on the weekends.  “Treat here as your own family home then.” I’d recalled the experts’ words listening to the pains of others, accompanying them as they pass through the hardest parts of their lives, that’s, the best sort of console to those in need.

I’d told her, “life is made up of ups and downs, what you’d weathered through, will eventually become experiences to you, do not let the sorrows, the heartbreaks, to kidnap you forever, rather than holding a grudge and giving yourself a difficult time, just, learn to, accept it.”

My neighbor, Mr. Jiang who’d come to my house often to chat, would bump into Li every now and then, he’d lost his wife, she’d, lost her, marriage, they’d shared that common loss of love, they’d looked to each other for that common support of shared experiences of life, but Li’s failed marriage made her fear it.  We’d encouraged her to let go of the past, to pursue her own, happiness.

As Mr. Jiang accompanied her patiently as she slowly healed up, the two married two years afterwards, and because he didn’t have any children of his own, he’d wanted to get Li’s children to live in Taiwan, to give one another a complete, home.  Li’s scripts of life had been rewritten by her, and she’s now, living her, brand new, life.

So this, is how this woman weathered through the trials of her failed marriage of her husband cheating on her, divorcing her, and finally finding that one true love, with a man here, and this still just showed, that fate is kind, to all who wait, that eventually, things will work out, the way it’s, supposed to.

Come, & Live as a Modern Day Woman

The sighed about how women had, no right to their own lives from the ancient times, and how, as modern day women, our rights had, advanced, by a hell of a lot, comparing to those who lived, before us, translated…

Beauty Yang, come, to my hometown for a, visit.

There’s the best lychee, when they’re ripened, the shells turned to shades of mascara red, the flesh with a bit of acidity mixed in with the sweetness, it will, totally, satisfy all your, desires.  Eating those lychees in the fruit farms, is way better than savoring the lychees delivered overnight from Chang-An, freshly picked off of the branches, you haven’t had that.

the portrait painted by the imperial court artist of the emperor’s court, found online

There’s the scentless, unsmelly hot springs of sodium bicarbonate, the water is slippery to the skin, living alone in the olden days, nobody can be your besties, but in modern day, we loved heading out with our female besties, to the springs, totally nude, and we would sit and gossip and talk of everything.  You can, scream out loud over your first sex, Lee, no problem at all, and, cuss out that heartless emperor of the T’ang Dynasty as you may wish, to speak for the love you’d shared with, another, man, of how there was NOTHING going on between the two of you, that you were, only, casual, acquaintances.

No need to attach yourself to a man with higher power, to get the richness provided to you, just need to, work hard, perfect your own skills, and you can, shine like that star, you can, exist, on your own, no need to rely on the breaths of another, man, and share your husband with other women.

The freedom of speech we have here, declared all the unspoken, unwritten in history, allow us, girlfriends, to give you your, deserved, justice.

Come, drink this lychee whiskey sour n one breath, then, we shall, sang that song together.

Had these beautiful, talented, and independent-thinking concubines of the emperors born in the modern day world, then, their lives would be, a hell of a lot, different, as many of them are quite independent, and had they been born out of the eras of time they were born into, then, they may all become, tough, strong women, who don’t need love who can, stand on their own two, feet, without the presence of that man they’d, made to, serve under.  But unfortunately, in the olden days, women were perceived as properties, and we are now these days, and women’s rights had progressed, little by little in this modern day world…

Meeting Up at the End-of-Year Company Gathering

How the twists and turns of life had been, difficult on this man’s, childhood friend, despite how she became, a famed, singer, life is still, not at all, easy for this woman!  Translated…

Once at the end-of-year company gathering, a familiar singer came to perform, it’d reminded me of that time in my childhood.

Reason why I’d remembered her especially, was because she was the very first who’d professed her love to me.  As I was growing up, I was overcome with illness, and I’d gone to her house to get the glucose shots to get my energy back; her house was the only pharmacy in our little town, and the neighbors’ aches and pains, are all reliant on her family’s pharmacy.

She loved to sing when she was a young child, and would often run to my home to sing for me, or watched the cartoons with me.  Once as she’d finished her songs, she’d told me, that she likes me, and that hoped that I will, NEVER, change, at the moment, I felt so bashful, not known how to respond.  As we were about to graduate from elementary, she and her family moved to Nantou, and lost contact with us, the family’s former, neighbors.  I’d heard, that it was her older brother who took to the wrong paths, after middle school, he’d not continued his education, and her father gave her older brother the money for a record shop, the record shop didn’t make it, they’d owed a ton of debts, sold off two of their houses, and it still wasn’t enough to make up for the costs, and the family can only hide out for a bit in Nantou.  Later, she’d become a single, and gained some fame, that was when I’d known, that the princess when she was growing up, to help her family’s finances, started singing at the restaurants, and got discovered by the talent scouts, climbed the ladder step by step, to being a singer who has records.

As the encore of the end-of-year company party was over, I’d turned to the backstage, to see that princess of my childhood, but I was unsure that after twenty years, she being a star, would she still, remember, me?  The moment our eyes met, my doubts went away instantly, as she’d called out my nickname I used in childhood, and told of how excellent I was, at reciting the texts in class.  The words came fast, as she was to rush to her next performance, and I’d forgotten to get her contact so we can catch up later, and yet, it was, more than, enough, after all, we’re both, okay.

Afterwards, all of her information I’d read up on on the news, only knew, that she’d lost her color in Taiwan, and turned to China to sing, then married, was abused, divorced, then, took her child and moved in with her own mother in Taiwan.

If I could meet up with her again, I can only say, that the cartoon of “Journey to the West” we’d watched together, the Buddhist monk, after all the trials he’d weathered through, he finally met Buddha in the West, and, become a Buddha himself, I hope, that she’s away from the trials of life, and has a smooth-sailing life.

And so, this is this woman’s trials of life, of how she’d gotten to stardom, of how she married the wrong man, who’d abused her like her own mother was abused by her own father too, but, maybe, she’s made a name for herself, as a singer in China, and this friend from her childhood, can only wish her the best in life.

A Working Mom with a Special Needs Child

Because she didn’t want any special treatment from her coworkers, to allow them to make excuse for her lacking in performance from work, that’s why she’d kept her special needs child a secret, and now, her coworker knows, but, they’re, together on the same page, and will offer one another the support they are in need of at work, and in life as well now, translated…

Finally came, that long, awaited sun on the weekends, my husband called out to me to gather the items of a picnic, took the kids, we drove to a park in the suburbs.  The park was at the foot of that mountain, with a lot of acreage, with a parking lot; the plants there were, kept well, it’s a great place, and it’d been one of our favorite, sites to visit regularly.  What’s more amazing was, taking a few turns in the park, there was that quiet corner, with the shades from the trees, the grasses so green, it’s a best place to relax, our, “laziness headquarters”.  And yet, someone had already taken up the spot before we’d arrived there, and before we headed to find another place, the kids ran ahead, told us they wanted to see if the treasures they’d buried were still there.

illustration from UDN.com

There was a couple, underneath the tree, with their two children, the boy, about seven or eight, kicking a ball around close by.  There was a three, or four year old little girl, with her arms wrapped around her mom’s neck, facing me, with that look of innocence, she’s a Downs’s Syndrome baby.  I’d squinted at her, waved at her to say hello, she’d started, grinning ear to ear, then, she looked embarrassed, buried her head in her mother’s chest, with her daughter’s gaze, the mother turned her head, and, as soon as we were eye-to-eye, I saw her smile froze, there was that scent of, hesitation, then, immediately, she’d, called out, my name.

Jen and I worked for the same foreign trade company from before, last year, she was hired from another firm, because she was assertive, and can really work very hard, agile in her interpersonal skills, she’d immediately earned the trust of the owner of the company, and I’d heard, that she’d been put up for a higher up position that was available, she’d, had a smooth sail to the top in her work.  Although we’d not really friends from work, but, we were, both mothers, and exchanged the means of childrearing in the breakroom every now and then, but I’d never heard her mentions of a daughter with Downs’s Syndrome.  My husband and I walked to the corner opposite, set up the matting for the picnic, and started carrying on in conversation, then, my app started chiming, “Glad to see you by chance, I was wondering, can you keep the secret of my family to yourself?”, I’d felt surprised, I’d originally not planned to tell anyone, but, there’s no shame in having a Downs’s baby, so why would she need to hide it?

On Monday at lunch, she’d asked me to join her.  “You can tell, that my daughter is a Downs’s baby”.  I’d nodded, before I wanted to tell her that she didn’t need to explain it to me, she’d immediately carried on, “I’m not ashamed of her, I just hope…………”, she’d paused a bit, “to be treated on equal basis at work is all.”

As a mother, I’d understood the hardships of how working women needed balance the home and work.  I’d once stalled my plans to go abroad for the seminars because I got pregnant, and had had to take myself out of a meeting, because my child had an accident; not to mention how many chances of promotions I’d passed up, because I can’t put in the promised two-hundred percent mind.  “She has to go home to take care of her children”———maybe it was out of kindness, or maybe, my coworkers’ unnoted calculating means, in the workplace where it’s like going to war, this label became so hard and heavy, although it’d given me the time to be with my young, but, it’d, cast out all of my opportunities for advancements at work too.

And, at that moment, I’d understood, as a mother of a special needs child, all of these hardships, may not just have been multiplied, but, all of her dreams, all the visions she wanted for herself, and all she wanted, was to be, treated, equally like any other working woman.  I’d, extended my arms toward her hands that were, in knots, I’d given her an understanding smile, and that meal that we’d shared was, joyous, wonderful, and, nothing else needed to be, said.

And so, this is the hardships of being a mother to a special needs child, and a worker too, you have to keep the fact that your child is special needs a “secret”, because you don’t want any special treatments from work, you do NOT want others to define you based off of your role of a mother of a special needs child, and the writer’s understanding shown toward her coworker, is much appreciated.

We Don’t Got NO Rights!

We Don’t Got NO Rights

No Rights Over Our Bodies

No Rights Over What We’re Supposed to Think

We Don’t Got NO Rights

We are All, Slaves to the Misogynistic World that We’d Been, Born into

despite how hard those who came before us, fought too hard!

photo from online

We Don’t Got NO Rights

No Rights to Speak UP & Out

‘Bout What We’d Been Through

‘Cuz They’ll All Just, Try &, Silence Us

We Don’t Got NO Rights

Because We’re Women

Because We’re, the

Lesser Sex

Because MEN Want Control

We Don’t Got NO Rights!

Life Took a Sharp Turn

On changing tracks, not knowing, if you’d, made the right choices in life or not! Translated…

Life flew by too fast, it’d been six months, since my return back to Puli, this small town to live. The me a decade ago, or even, just two years ago, I’d never imagined a life like this for me.

Being on the rise through school and into the workforce, I’d entered into my first-choice schools locally, and entered into my top choices of university, after I graduated, I’d started working as an engineer in the well-known high-tech companies in Taipei. I’d worked very hard, and my abilities gotten the attention of the boss, in a few short years, I’d gotten promoted, and raises too. Back then, I’d imagined, that ten years later, I should be a high-end manager in the workforce, and would go on business trips to Europe and America often.

like this???the roadsigns of your life…

And now, I’d, walked with difficulties, with my pregnant belly, travelled on foot, delivering the goods that my clients ordered, and pondering, what I needed to update onto my website to sell when I arrived home.

A few years ago, I’d gotten married for a while, as my husband and I started thinking about when to have children, and how we’re going to take care of our kids after they were born. Both working as engineers in the high-tech companies, after subtracting the time for sleep away, there were only, about two hours in the late hours of the nights we can, save for ourselves. We didn’t want to be missing out on the coming of age of our young, so, a change in track was needed. And, something had, happened at home then, after careful considerations, we’d decided to quit our jobs, return back home, and my husband started working in the field, and I, started setting up my online shop.

Recalling how back when I’d just graduated from graduate school, my dad asked me if I wanted to take the public offices examinations. Back then, I was so satisfied with my own life, full of confidence, didn’t consider, that the life of a government office worker wouldn’t suit me well. But now, as my shop online just got set up, I’d had an unstable source of income, and I’d found those job openings in the areas of Puli, and I’d, wanted, to kick myself. After I’d left Taipei, Hsinchu, and Tainan, cities with the larger scale technology companies, it’s like, I’d, whited out my past work experiences. As I’d passed the post offices, along with Taipower offices, I couldn’t help but wondered, if I’d, only taken the government post exams.

imagine how different life can turn out for you…photo from online…

At the age of thirty, for the sake of my family, my life took a sharp turn, and I can’t tell yet, whether if it’s going to be good or bad, but I believe, that so long as I carried the heart I’d had before, worked hard, I can totally, find a brand new direction in life again.

And so, this, is a huge life-changing situation you’re, faced with now, isn’t it? You’d quit your government job, to chase your dreams, so you can have more time with your young, to not miss out in their coming of age, and, although you’re, unsure of whether or not you’d, made the correct choices in life, your life knows where it’s, taking you.

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Couldn’t She Care For Her Own Mother & Older Sister Back Home?

Because we’re already married, and, it’s NO longer our responsibilities to, but we’re still asked to, because we are, daughters!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Mr. C felt taken for his good friend, Madam A’s situation…

The sixty-year-old Madam A since she retired from a teaching post in a public school, she’d gotten the monthly retirement pensions.  Her eighty-five year-old elderly demented mother who had a stroke was left in the care of her never-married, eldest sister, who’d helped put A through her schooling to handle.  But now, her eldest sister is getting older too, and was without a job, and could no longer care for their mother.  A was grateful toward her older sister for her kindness, and thought, that the caretaking of the mother, they should shoulder together, and so, asked her husband if she could use a part of her monthly retirement pension, to put into helping her eldest sister and mother, but, the husband was strong and forceful in denying her the rights, and, put strict restrictions on her accounts.

Later on, A couldn’t put up with how her husband had insulted her own families, left her own home, and, used the money she’d earned to help make the ends of her, her eldest sister, and her mother’s livelihoods meet, but the husband said horrible things about her endlessly.  A wanted to divorce, but she couldn’t abandon her only daughter who is living and working overseas, what, is she to do?

A My Advice…

All the earnings that A brings in, was allotted by her husband, and, the husband treated his own family of origin with generosity, but, his in-laws with stingy, he’d used double-standards.  Her husband had put up the money for his own younger brother during the holidays for a very long time, and even covered the expenses of his trips abroad, and A had never said anything about it.

Four years ago, when A’s mother had surgery on her uterus, she’d put up the medical bills of $50,000N.T. herself, back then, her husband was abroad, and, he’d thrown a FIT after he’d returned, claimed that when his mother-in-law sells the house, he will get the medical expenses back.  And now, her mother became demented and had a stroke, her husband had used even harsher words, “Your mother and eldest sister are the TUMORS of our marriage!  BAGGAGE!”

This never-ending insult, caused A to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, she’d wanted divorced, but worried about the effects it would have on her grown daughter, she couldn’t make up her mind about it.

If A really wanted to divorce, her grown daughter is not the issue here, the important thing is, is there nothing left between her and her spouse.  A must make up her mind, and, making up her mind is: collect the evidence, find an attorney, to protect her own assets, to NOT end up with nothing in old age, after working hard her whole life.

And, I’d imagined that this is still a build up, the husband’s behavior toward her side of the family, and maybe, because the husband was NOT a direct member of her family, meaning that he didn’t HAVE a parent with dementia, or siblings that needed the economic supports, that, was why he was not at all understanding to his own wife’s doing things the way she’d done, and, the money she’d earned, was her, what RIGHT has her husband, to put it into a joint account?  And plus, the husband covers for his own younger brother’s living expenses, even travel fees too, so that, is double-standards that this LOSER is holding!

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

From a victim to a survivor here, translated…

When I heard people tell me, “On the fact that B had died, we really don’t know how to make you feel better, so, that, was why we didn’t call.”, on the other end of the line, A started crying hard.

A is a hard working career woman, not only was she able to keep herself well economically, she’d also supplied more than her share of the household income. But, underneath her amazing work abilities, A had the life of an abused woman—after getting beaten by the husband, she’d reported it to the police, gone to the hospitals to get her wounds documented, left home, to get started on healing, later on, she fell into the soft words of B’s consoles to get home again.  Year after year, this was the same script that kept happening, again, and again, it’d made ALL who really actually tried to help A out feel helpless, like it wouldn’t be right, for them not to offer assistance, but, they can’t really help her out, because she keeps circling around in that same vicious cycle.

One time, we’d learned that A moved back in, I’d immediately called her up, to get her to move back out, told her, that IF she couldn’t make her mind up about leaving home, then, B may not do as they’d both agreed, go to the hospitals regularly to get checked, and the kids that grew up in this violent environment, it would be hard, for them to develop well psychologically. And still, the feelings still overcame A’s rationalism, in the end, she’d chosen to stay at home, with her abusive husband, and B, refused to check herself into the hospitals.

And, this only exacerbated, several years later, one day, A’s mother just so happened heard the rumors floating around A’s neighborhood, “We’d often heard a household getting too rowdy, followed by a woman’s crying.” She shocking realized, that the woman that the neighbors heard crying might be her baby girl.  She did some checking into it, and, it WAS her daughter, and so, the mother took her baby girl out of her abusive home.  A, who’d finally had enough of being abused regularly, finally made up her mind, never to return home again, and so, ever since, the status of A and B’s marriage became “separated”.

The days of being abused is just way too scary, A and the kids now lived independently and steadily, from day to day, with NO contact with B whatsoever. A short while ago, B who has NOBODY next to him died all of a sudden.  When A and the kids went to pick up the house, she’d found, that as her husband was starting to live alone, he’d started to change, had prepared for the children’s education and everything, and still, he’s already gone, and, no matter how much he’d saved up, it’s not going to be enough, to make up for that emptiness he’d left in them.

Had A been more stubborn on leaving, and never returning back home again, and break the vicious cycle of domestic violence earlier, maybe, it would’ve all ended differently. To every abused woman, leaving the home, making changes is never an easy choice, and yet, if you’re able to set up your minds, and end this vicious cycle, there’s still a good chance that you can rebuild your families again.

This, is still ALL in H-I-N-D-S-I-G-H-T, and, there’s a ton of “had…only…” involved in this “equation”, and, it is hard, for someone who’s been abused LONG term, to finally SNAP out of it, and, when this woman finally decided to make the changes, everything starts improving, but for this loser who’d abused her, his change came a bit too late.

I Love You Very Much, But You’re Still NOT Going to Get “Made”

This one, is to you, my dearest, NONEXISTENT, already MURDERED, DEAD E-M-I-L-Y (and no, I’m still NOT crying here, believe it or don’t, do I really care???)

I love you very much, but you’re still NOT going to get “made” in my body, because I’d made up my freakin’ mind, on protecting you from the outside (of my freakin’ body here!!!).  I love you very much, but you’re still NOT going to get “made”, child, and, I will still have your two older brothers, Andy & Milo, the Irish Setter AND the Golden Retriever.

There are so many things in this world I wanted to show to you, but now, I still won’t get a chance, I wasn’t okay with that before, but I am okay with it now, plus, it’s for the BEST, that you NEVER get conceived, after all, you will BE leading my “old” (and it’s so totally FUCKING wrinkled up right now too!!!) life.

I love you very much, but you’re still NOT going to get “made” in my body, and, I’m doing that for ALL the right reasons, because I AM a protect mother (still NOT biologically, of course!!!), and it is MY responsibility, to KEEP what happened to me growing up, from happening to you too, my love.

The ONLY good thing that came OUT of this SHITTY life of mine is???  Oh yeah, now, at least, I won’t have to deal with that younger M***ER F***ING IDIOTIC grandson of mine that WILL eventually (yeah right!!!) run around in circles NONSTOP, puts words into everybody’s M-O-U-T-H, and that little M***ER F***ER (maxed out, remember???) WILL become a DUCK if “it” ever comes across one, “it” will also go “Woof-woof-woof”, and wag-wag-wag, when “it” encountered a D-O-G, and that, is my life!