Leftovers

This is the FATES, of traditional Asian women, despite how the times had, already, advanced into, the modern day, where the emphasis is more on gender equality, but a lot of us women, are still, bound by these, traditional, gender stereotypes of how the female roles should be played out, and we get, trapped by it!  Translated…

After I’d started living on my own, the most annoying thing in my life is, the, leftovers.  This, seemingly nitty-gritty item, but needed to sort through by the meals “business”, often taxed up my mind, although, this is no huge thing like the philosophers are contemplating on, just the traces that remained of my three square meals per day, but it’d, gotten really deep inside, and annoyed, the hell out of, me.  The timelines of life, there must be, close to half of the total time, spending, on how to resolve the matters of, the, leftovers, do we, reheat them up for the meals later, do we, “mask” them up as the lunches of love packed by us to serve to our significant, others?  Or do we, bring them to the office, to SHOW off how we are, cared for?  Or, should we just, toss them away?  Reminding ourselves, to separate the leftovers, to take them out by the curbside on trash collection day, to NOT allow it to start stanching up our, ordinary, days.

Leftover, the remains of our, lives, but it’d, deeply, affected the aesthetic of our lives.

When I was young, I’d not needed to worry about this problem.  Served onto the tables, were all the items that gave us that incredible appetite, the heated up food.  There were, too many choices, given to our chopsticks, raising up in midair, and, in time, we are, still, considering what we wanted to eat, the difficulties on our tongues, that was, patented to our, childhood, years.

During the time, I’d not remember the exact time when my mother served us our, meals, for the kids who’d, stolen out after they were fed to play, they’d not even, considered what the leftovers, looked, like?  Could the “leftovers” became a pronoun for our, mothers?  My oldest cousin said he’d hated the stir-fried cabbages, too simple; my youngest female cousin hated the seaweed soup, that it was too tasteless.  And so, what was favored by all, the more popular dishes, the pork, the chicken, the shrimps, the steamed eggs, were cleaned off the plates in a jiffy, as for those unfavored steamed, less flavored items, had become, frozen, into, a sort of, an animosity, while my mother became the sin bearer of these, and as everybody goes off, she’d, sat, under the dimmed lights, and, started, eating, those, leftovers.

illustration from UDN.com

I’d gotten a call from my mother at night, toward the adult children, there are, always, the silence that got lost in time in these calls, on the other end of the world, came the asking of how the weather was, and I’d always, slurred to answer her.  After a while, I’d remembered, finally, that my aging mother, toward the cold sounds of the echoes of my responses, must be like, how she used to, eat those, leftovers that we didn’t, finish in our, younger, years too?

On the other end of the world, she’d reminded me, “just toss out the leftover, and don’t eat it, it’s not good to eat them reheated up over, over, and over again.”

But, how much left do we, thrown out?  And, it’d become, hard for me, to weigh and measure this.

Perhaps, half a bowl, that already, mixed to, nothing but chaos inside that served bowl of, rice?  Or, the too savory, too spicy sauce that still had, a-third portion remaining, with the leftover chopped up stems leafy greens; or, must we, finish the plates up, only left the traces of the, pork flosses?  These three meals a day, before we pour them out, as we’re about to, push them into the refrigerators, I’d always, thought again, and gain, and, my mind goes back and forth, back and forth, trapped in tossing them away, or saving them, don’t know how much that’s leftover, that’s, worthy for the world to, keep?  And, how much of what’s remained, should get tossed out, matter-of-factly?  I’d had to, consider this, many times a day, and, felt confused for my mother, who’d been, trapped inside the, vicious cycle, how did she, get along, well with all the leftovers we’d given to her?  In the long road of life, with nothing but the leftovers, taking up her life, the time for recycling the foods, the reheating up the dishes, constantly, back and forth, thinking about, time, and life rushed by her, side as moments like these came and, went.

Leftover became a sort of a fate, teaching the older generations of women, to wait on, endlessly.  When she was younger, she’d lived for her parents; after she was married, she’d lived for her children.  As she aged to elderly, that richness of her life already, gotten, taken out of hers, she’d become, nothing more, than the leftover of who she had been, that’s, remained, as she’d become, the leftovers of fate, in between heating and throwing out, she’d already, forgotten, her original, flavors already.

and unfortunately, they’re not the least, “neatly plated” like, these…photo from online

And this is actually not about the leftovers the family had for their meals, but the fate of traditional Asian women, and although, the traditions are slowly, less and less imposing on the younger generations but, there are still, the gender expectations that imposes themselves onto us, women, how we should give up everything we want, for the sake of our, families, this is still, the primary values that’s rooted too deep in the Asian cultures, which is why, women in these parts of the world, are fated to take on the, leftovers of everybody else’s, life.

Visiting My Mother-in-Law’s by Myself

The women burdened by the societal expectations of what it means to be a daughter-in-law, and this is still nowhere NEAR changing, anytime soon!  Translated…

Been married nine years to date, because my husband works out of country, every holidays, every New Year’s, I’m the only one in Taiwan, and I’d gone to my in-laws alone by myself often.

My in-laws told, that they wanted to see me more often, I’d known, that it’s my responsibilities to show more care and concerns for them, but, my husband not being in the country, it’d made me feel, a bit, pressured.  For about four years on New Year’s, I’d gone to my in-laws on my own.  No need to help with the meal preps, no need to even lift a single finger, I was fed well, and lived comfortable in their home, but I’d still wanted to run from this, “seemingly mine, but doesn’t quite feel like mine”, space.  I’d started asking why I’d felt like so.

Thinking on it more closely, maybe, it’s my loneliness working, the double dose of it—on the one hand, it’s the loneliness of separating from my husband, another, the loneliness of facing this expectation, this responsibility I suppose.

My in-laws, who are related to my husband, but, the link between me and my in-laws wasn’t, present at all, and I can’t feel comfortable enough, getting along with my in-laws the way I would with my friends either, even if my in-laws are very kind and gentle toward me, they’re very open too, but, I’m sure, both they, and I still expect me, to act more according to what a daughter-in-law should behave as.

My friend once told me, the long-distance/the dual-life couples are becoming the norm of society now, and there are the doing away with the traditions.  I can understand what her words, meant, and knew, that there may be a lot of others like me, who other than needing to cope with the long-term physical separation from their spouses, and also have to face with being companions with one’s own spouse’s families, and all of these feelings, all of these things aren’t, easily, managed at all.

So, this is how you feel, caught, because you are married into your husband’s family, and around the holidays, he works away, and can’t make it home, and you feel that obligation to stay with your in-laws, and this is still from the expectations of us women, in our roles as daughters-in-law, that’s from tradition, and although the in-laws may be more opened these days, you still can’t help but feel the pressures, because it’s the cultural expectations, of how women should put their own husbands’ families, first, before their own.

You Only Want What’s Superficial

You only want what’s superficial, and yeah, I can, certainly give you that, but why the FUCK will I, huh?  I know I am MORE, than what I have on the surfaces, I am, a woman, of DEPTH, and got NO need to, paint that dumb-blonde bimbo look on my face, just to, satisfy your needs (and dudes, don’t EVEN!)…

You only want what’s superficial, what’s no more than the eyes perceive, well, I’ll give you that, in my hourglass figure, my long skinny legs, oh, would you like me to give you a striptease too, huh?

Yeah, I’ll strip all right, oh wait I am, already, a WORLD RENOWNED, STRIPPER here, and the only thing I will EVER be “stripping” would be, my @#$%ING (maxed out already!) M-I-N-D.

and this, would be, what’s, ideal for all you, mother @#$%ERS, right??? Photo from online

So yeah, you all can just, SHOVE your superficialities, all your god damn NEEDS, up your own separate sorry, ASSES there, ‘k???

Note: this is still just ME, “bitching” ‘bout, stuff, this is still NOT directed toward anybody out there, okay???

You only want what’s superficial, and surely, I can be, as superficial as you need me to be, but I still have MORE depth, and I will REFUSE to STOOP down to any of your lowered levels of brain activities!

This is still NOT the QUEEN (moi!!!), insulting anyone, but feel free to see it as that, if you wish to, and send me a “complaint”, why don’t ya???

It’s ALWAYS the Female Characters in the Stories that Were Tried, Too, Hard…

Started reading the compilation of fairytales I’d bought from awhile back, and noticed something that’s, quite, ODD.  It’s ALWAYS the female characters (Sleeping Beauty, that princess in Thousandfurs, etc., etc., etc.) who’d been tried, too hard, why IS that?

women portrayed as either M-A-I-D-S! illustration found online

Is it because that WE are women, and we DESERVED to be TRIED, and what of you, huh?  You are MEN, and you were supposed to stand UP on your own two feet, or at least, that’s what I thought, but, do you?  Do YOU???  Of course N-O-T.

And, this extends to MODERN DAY society too, you @#$%ERS (refrain myself from “swearing”…) come home, kick your shoes off, and start SAGGING down on that COUCH, (with that large ASS imprint already???), and expect us all to turn ourselves into MAIDS that served you???

NEWSFLASH: we modern day women, unlike you, sons-of-bitches (not the four-legged “varieties”, as those are, WAY easier, to TRAIN!!!), we work around the clock, from the moment we opened our eyes in the morn, we start running, whether if it’s in the homes, or out, and most of us have our jobs outside of our homes, and we work, just as hard as you, if not harder.

or in a COMATOSE! inside that coffin! From online

So, do NOT expect things to be handed to you, ‘cuz (don’t know ‘bout the rest of y’all BREASTFEEDING women out there!) we ain’t gonna take it, NO MORE!

That, is What You Get, for Not, NEUTERING All the Men in Your Lives, Completely…

Those sons-of-bitches (four-legged and otherwise!), they all start doing their “business”, all over the places, and that, is what you get, for not, NEUTERING all the men in your lives, completely.

I mean, you DO realize, how we women gotta, TRAIN them, sons-of-bitches (the four-legged, AND the two-legged varieties!), correctly, right?  We can’t allow them to do their “business” everywhere inside of our homes (there’s carpeting, that will have that huge PISS stain!!!)…

because how “cute” they looked, we’d, not punished them for what they D-I-D, which leads to, even MORE repeated, BAD behaviors! Photo from online

And because as women, we have the tendencies of letting our more nurturing sides (that’s what’s believed, right???) take over when they start @#$%ING things up in our lives, making a huge mess take over, that’s why, we unknowingly, continually, WIPE their sorry ASSES, which in turn, caused them to, SUCK even HARDER on us, bleeding us, dry!

And it’s still ALL our faults, because we do NOT go down HARD on them that very first time they’d (cheated, lied, peed on the ground, where there’s NO newspaper……….) fucked up, which aided them into believing, that hey, it’s okay if we FUCK, LIE, HUMP, yada, yada, yada, yada, because my “honey” will always be there, to clean this SHIT up FOR me.

We still got our selves to blame, for them mother FUCKERS (don’t pardon me here!), because we allowed them, to DRAIN us dry, and by that, we’d become, the ENABLING “parties” of this, dynamic duo of ABUSE!

As the Government “Allowed” Us, Women, to Spend Our New Year’s Eve with Our Own Families of, Origin

The government here, RE-iterated that it SHOULD BE ALLOWED, for us women who are married (still so totally NOWHERE N-E-A-R the vicinity of THAT shit here!), to go home to our own individual families of origins for New Year’s Eve meal gatherings…

Now, the government had, called out to the families with the sons, to be “more open” to the idea, to allow us women, to have the needed “time off”, seeing how we’d waited on them (our husbands and their families) hand-AND-FEET, all year long already, to give us a break!

And called out to the in-laws to not be so “narrow-minded”, to allow us women, to head home to our own individual families of origins on New Year’s Eve.

Now, there ARE, a few (more like a ton of!) problems with that:  first, who the FUCK (so???) says, that we can’t go to our own families of origins on New Year’s Eve to have the meals, and, this government’s “graciously allowing” us to do that, wouldn’t that be insinuating that before the statements made, we weren’t allowed to?

and the “caption” reads: one in five believes that women are inferior to men, study shows…from online

Secondly, who the FUCK (no need to pardon me here still!) says, that once we women are married, we are, SLAVES to your (men’s) families, as the traditions of this god damn CULTURE stated (not in so many words still!), that we’re supposed to be MISUSED as the maid, heading home on the holidays, serving our in-laws, our husbands (1@ a time, hello, hello, hello???), and their siblings, however many there are! Hand-and foot?

And third, just because we are married to you losers (just bring that UZI to my wedding, remember???) that does NOT mean, that we’re, your SLAVES, “honey” (still sarcasm “talkin’” here!), and, that’s that.

We will NOT take any more SHIT from you losers, our has-beens (b/c that’s what you’ll become, IF you do NOT behave yourselves!), and, all you mothers-in-law out there, DO remember, that we are the ones, who will be able to give your STUPID little boys their children, and unless all you mothers want to get CHARGED with INCEST (sex with your own direct next-of-kin, hello, hello, hello!!!), DO show respect to us, women who aren’t related to you, okay???

This is still ME, asking you, “nicely”, and trust me, nobody want to see me mean, just ask my two already DEAD boys, they’d seen me like that from high school, and they’d, DUCKED out for cover.

When Everything “Nurturing” is Assigned a Female Sex

This is still, S-H-I-T, I mean, who the @#$% (maxed out!) says, that nurture is synonymous with the, female gender characteristics, huh?

And, what OF, those FEMALE heads of companies, the C.E.O.’s of some, Fortune 500s that make ALL the decisions, and tackles the problems of the companies’ operations, assertively, huh?

But, that’s just it, since the start of time (don’t ask how long ago that was, ‘cuz…how the @#$% would I know???), you men put us, women, IN our places, locking us up with those, chastity belts (uh, you’ve got to be shitting me!), keeping us inside them, gilded cages, and you head out of the “hearth” (the WHAT again???), and bring home the bacon, the bread, going out, hunting with them, big-ass, clubs………………

and THIS, would be, MORE like it!

found online…

Which forces the role of the nurturer, onto us, women, because IF we don’t take up that role, then, who’s gonna!  And this is just how sexism continues, even today, and yeah, we women are slowly getting on an equal basis with all of you, mother @#$%ING, sons-of-BITCHES (still not the four-legged “varieties” I’m afraid…), but we’re still, not quite there, at the same level as you losers out there.

And this is still just SHIT, I mean, why the HELL should we women, suffer the consequences, of those who are before us, who are used to living the role of the “fitting wife”, the good mother, the nurturing, type?

I mean, what if (here’s that though!), we want to focus on our job, we are, career-oriented, like you losers, huh?  Then, we’d get TRASH talked, for NOT taking CARE of the “hearth”…

Yeah, you’ve got to be, shitting me here!

The Most Precious Thing of Our Marriage is the Gratitude We Feel Toward Each Other

The SEXIST belief of how women are in charge of what happens within the household (all the chores are up to us!!!), while you losers (not name calling!) are all in charge of working your nine-to-fives out!  Translated…

Because of my children are growing up fast, they’d gotten a ton of energies in them, and naturally, it’d made me busier at home, recently, my wife had been working in and out, sweating like crazy, and, the accumulated stresses that she’d had, became, that final straw that’s, cracked her, back, one day, she’d gotten furious over something, stated, that she’d been working from the beginning, and we didn’t not only thanked her, we’d, taken her for, granted, that she’d become, completely, drained.  Suddenly, the air froze at home, the smokes are rising up then, without the joys of motherhood, with that added, crisis of losing my, marriage now.

Based off of the estimates of the offices of internal statistics, the rate of divorce was up to 47,888 pairs in 2021, second, only to China, second in all of Asia, while, the age group that’s found to be most prevalent for divorces are from ages thirty-five to thirty-nine, and suddenly, it’d dawned on me, that I’m, right at the highest risk of the divorce groups.

There’s a joke: at age thirty we see others around us marrying, start panicking because we didn’t have anyone; at age forty, we see, that everybody around us is, divorcing, and we’d felt glad that we never, tied the, knots.  Looking at today, less and less are choosing to get married, and more and more are, getting, divorced; the experts and scholars tried to find the reasons behind all of this, and, as the studies, research results showed, it was due to how “one side gave too much, and the other side not being, grateful enough”, it’d made me think hard.

how it used to, be…illustration from online

After we’d fought, I’d started, introspecting, if the household chores are split up unevenly, or that I’d, taken my wife’s giving to the family for, granted.  And further, all of these accumulations from long ago, maybe, it’s, the problems of the ordinary marriages, that we’re always, grateful for those who are outside of the realms of family, but not enough thanks given to those who are closest to us, and giving to us, selflessly.

Thought about how I’d, boasted to my wife, how I’d, automatically, did the laundry, hung them up in the closets after they’re all dried, and did the dishes too, and hoped to get a praise, but my wife was confused, because she thinks the household chores are originally, both our, responsibilities, why was I the one, “helping” her out?  Her words were a, rude awakening, so, I’d, believed that it’s a woman’s work, doing all the, household, chores.

Based off of the study of Harvard University, the 724 adults the school followed up since 1938, as the participants of the study are all in their nineties, they’d discovered, that the key to happiness, is originally built on “an amicable relationship”.  In sum, through scientific proof, the key to happiness is, “gratitude”.

It’s never too late, as they say, first, we must, learn to, verbalize our gratitude, then, act on it, toward the household chores, stacking up at home, we must, work in them too.  It’s never late to save your marriages, start offering one another the verbal thank yous when you were younger, and keep that heart of gratitude, say thanks, do more household chores, you will, live in the marital bliss!

and this, is how, it SHOULD, be! Comic from online

And so, this is still based off of the sexist beliefs of how women ARE, in charge of what’s in the house, while all of you, LOSERS (not name calling!) are supposed to be the “bread winners”, but that may be true, in the CAVEMEN days, these days, we women are also, working our separate five to nines (instead of nine-to-fives), and when we clocked out from our offices, we go home, and work some more around the house, because, if we don’t, then, who will, and most of us preferred our homes to be, neat and, tidy, that’s why, we women are, slaving ourselves, and you men don’t even help out enough, because, it’s etched in your BRAINS that you’re only in charge, of, “winning the breads”.

WAKE up!  This is NOT the CAVEMEN days, when all you losers (not name calling!) go out hunting with your god damn, oversized, clubs, leaving us women at home, tending to the “hearth”…

and this, is what we’re, or should, aim, at!

A Real Man LOVES His, Families

This is BULLSHIT, because the PRE-disposition of this is, that ALL household chores are, OUR problems, not men’s, well, you know what losers, that’s NOT our problem, you are half responsible for HALF of everything, when we say our, “I do’s” here, okay???  Yeah, and so, ladies, don’t go ‘round high-fiving each other, just ‘cuz you’d trained your LOSER HAS-BEENS to do them, household chores, they ARE supposed to do that, without being told, because it’s HALF as our family as it’s, theirs, remember, so, don’t be glad, when you find one day, those fucking (so???) sons-of-bitches husbands or boyfriends do the dishes for you, ‘k???  Translated…

I had NO plans to be married or have children, but as I’d met my husband, a man who is willing to love me and my family, to care for me, I’d started, changing my thoughts, and got married.  For over ten years, he’d not changed at all from before to after, instead, he’d turned more mature, and more responsible, and I was glad, that I’d not, made the wrong choice.

It’s too important, selecting the ones we’re to marry, which will, alter the path of the second half of our, lives.  Entering into a marriage, it’s not just the process of adjustment for the two individuals, but the merging of two, separate, families, the respects the two families show for each other, and the willingness to allow for the time needed to adjust to one another.

a man, doing WHAT he is, supposed to be, doing originally, that WE don’t NEED to praise them over!

photo from online

“How is it that it’s your husband, doing the dishes?  You’d let him?”, after a family gathering, my husband saw me working in the kitchen, hadn’t had time to eat ye, but, with the used eating utensils stacking up in the sink, so I’d, continued to clean up.  He’d told me, “I’ll do it, go eat now.”  As I picked up my bowl, and my chopsticks, an elder female member of the family asked me this.  I’d turned and smiled to answer, “it takes me way too long to do the dishes, he worried, that after I was done, I won’t have any more appetite.”, the other elders all started commending on how loving, how gently my husband is toward me, and started pouring their, hearts out, “during our times, men weren’t allowed in the kitchens, let alone, to do the, dishes.  You are, certainly, blessed, with an amazing mother-in-law, who’d let your husband help you.”

Many years, I’d agreed to how I’m blessed with good fortune, with a husband who is willing to give to this marriage, with loving in-laws who treated me like their own.  But, other than being blessed with the good fortunes, the willingness to “work together to make the family work” is even more, important, because without this thought, you may be blessed with good fortune, but you still won’t have a good and happy, marriage.

The workings of a marriage, a family functioning well, it’s the result of both the husband and the wife’s, hard work, not just on one person’s doing; and, this starts from the smaller matters of the day-to-day, the chores, to start building that sense of coownership of our family, and our senses of, responsibility.  “A good wife is loved”, I can’t say that I’m, a perfect wife, but, if someone says, that I’m my husband’s, “better half”, I would have to say thanks to my husband, for treating me kindly, for loving me, to help me, be, a good and fitting wife to him.

The couples who treated each other with respect, will surely, grow old together; and a man who truly, loves and cherishes his own wife, is, a real, MAN!

And this is still, based off of the beliefs that household chores are NONE of YOUR beeswax, which is SHIT, because, uh, hello, who is this family again???  Oh yeah, it’s the two of “us” (just SHOOT me, why don’t ya!!!), and this is still SHIT, because this is based off of the assumption that we women need to slave ourselves over them household chores, after we do our own separate nine-to-fives, and that’s just BULLSHIT!  And so, this woman here, does NOT have a “good husband”, based off of the meanings of what a “good” husband should be.

A good man should SIT, STAY, good boy, now, go FETCH!  And that, would be, HOW we all need to, RE-train our men, to HELP out around the house.

You have got to be SHITTING me here!

A Mother, Leaving Her Own Young, to Pursue Her, Happiness…

Is this selfish, or is this, a M-U-S-T???

A mother, leaving her own you, to pursue her, happiness why is this, believed to be, selfish, huh?  Because as women, we must, get enslaved by our own families, to give everything up, all our wishes, dreams, to fulfill their needs, because it’s a woman’s nature, to sacrifice for her families, is that it?

A mother, leaving her own young, to pursue her, happiness, why shouldn’t she, she’d raised them up to the point where she knew they could, take care of themselves well enough, so why can’t a mother, leave her own young, to pursue her own, happiness?  Because it’d been, ASSIGNED to us women, that WE are, bound by our families, because, families are already that TOP priority for ALL women in the world, is that it?  Because we are, expected to, raise our babies up, to care for them, to give everything we have (including our lives if we must!), to our own, families, so their needs are, well taken care of.  But why?  Why is this, asked of us women, and NOT of you, men?

where we expected to live!

photo from online…

That’s just gender inequality still, and even to this very day (yes, the Time Machine did NOT take us back to the DARK AGES, when you losers go out hunting with your large clubs, and we women staying in them caves, tending to the children, and the “hearth”!), we women are expected, to fulfill these, traditional gender norm rules, assigned to our mothers’ mothers’ mothers’ mothers’ mothers, all the way back, to, millions and billions of years ago, and that’s just SHIT if you ask me, but yeah, I know, I know, W-H-O asked Y-O-U!  Right???

A woman, leaving her own young, to pursue her own happiness, make certain that we know our own priorities, and, before we all put on them, dancing dresses, dancing shoe, to go and have that needed margarita (still don’t drink here!) with our girlfriend AT happy hour, we made sure EVERYTHING in our homes are, set to, functioning on their own, and we’d made sure that it worked perfectly, unless one screw comes loose, and that’s not something we can alter (Murphy’s Law anyone???), and that’s still, NOT our faults, we women DESERVE our needed breaks, so, give US a break, huh???