Visiting My Mother-in-Law’s by Myself

The women burdened by the societal expectations of what it means to be a daughter-in-law, and this is still nowhere NEAR changing, anytime soon!  Translated…

Been married nine years to date, because my husband works out of country, every holidays, every New Year’s, I’m the only one in Taiwan, and I’d gone to my in-laws alone by myself often.

My in-laws told, that they wanted to see me more often, I’d known, that it’s my responsibilities to show more care and concerns for them, but, my husband not being in the country, it’d made me feel, a bit, pressured.  For about four years on New Year’s, I’d gone to my in-laws on my own.  No need to help with the meal preps, no need to even lift a single finger, I was fed well, and lived comfortable in their home, but I’d still wanted to run from this, “seemingly mine, but doesn’t quite feel like mine”, space.  I’d started asking why I’d felt like so.

Thinking on it more closely, maybe, it’s my loneliness working, the double dose of it—on the one hand, it’s the loneliness of separating from my husband, another, the loneliness of facing this expectation, this responsibility I suppose.

My in-laws, who are related to my husband, but, the link between me and my in-laws wasn’t, present at all, and I can’t feel comfortable enough, getting along with my in-laws the way I would with my friends either, even if my in-laws are very kind and gentle toward me, they’re very open too, but, I’m sure, both they, and I still expect me, to act more according to what a daughter-in-law should behave as.

My friend once told me, the long-distance/the dual-life couples are becoming the norm of society now, and there are the doing away with the traditions.  I can understand what her words, meant, and knew, that there may be a lot of others like me, who other than needing to cope with the long-term physical separation from their spouses, and also have to face with being companions with one’s own spouse’s families, and all of these feelings, all of these things aren’t, easily, managed at all.

So, this is how you feel, caught, because you are married into your husband’s family, and around the holidays, he works away, and can’t make it home, and you feel that obligation to stay with your in-laws, and this is still from the expectations of us women, in our roles as daughters-in-law, that’s from tradition, and although the in-laws may be more opened these days, you still can’t help but feel the pressures, because it’s the cultural expectations, of how women should put their own husbands’ families, first, before their own.

What’s Real is the BEST

The lessons of disappointment, learned, at a, very, young age, too difficult for a child to manage, and yet, we’d still, all, grown up because of these, broken promises that our adult counterparts failed to, keep…translated…

It was 1971, back when the pencil sharpeners were, an extravagance to the families, we’d normally used the small blades to keep our pencils sharpened enough, and, the better from that was that tiny rectangular box with the shaving blades installed, we’d stuffed our pencils into the hole, then turn the pencils to sharpen them.  In my sixth grade year, our instructor brought a large pencil sharpeners the color of the bluest lake I’d ever seen to class, claimed that she was going to sharpen everybody’s pencils during break, all of us became too excited, and, for that period of class, we’d stayed, especially quiet and focused on what she was teaching us.

what the students, used…photo from online

It was break time, I watched my pencil box, with all the pencils already, sharpened to pointy, thought, why would I want to stand in line, I’d much rather quietly, read the “Chinese Children Daily” on the newspaper racks on the back of class, but, a classmate who’d used the large pencil sharpener waved a box full of perfectly sharpened pencils to show me, then, the words on the newspapers, started, going all over the places, and I couldn’t read the contents anymore.

I’d thought, fine, broken my pencil down, lined up, and waited to get baptized by the sharpening of pencils.  And yet, the bell rang, the teacher announced, “I shall sharpen your pencils another time”.

For the entire class period that followed, I’d felt regrettable, and slowly, used the small knife pencil sharpener, to make the perfect curve on my pencils, until the end of our elementary school years, our instructor never remembered his promise to the class, and with time, everybody forgot about it too.  And yet, I’d gained the understanding since, what’s not mine, no matter how beautiful, how wonderful, it’s nothing but mirages, what’s in our hands, no matter how ordinary, how plain, that’s, what’s, real.

And so, this is how it’d felt, getting let down at a very young age, and, the writer learned, to NEVER hold any expectation of anyone else again, and that’s, such a difficult lesson for children to learn, and yet, the writer had, grown up, matured, through this experience of the teacher’s not fulfilling her/his promises to the class.

here’s what the instructor brought to show the class! Photo from online

You Only Want What’s Superficial

You only want what’s superficial, and yeah, I can, certainly give you that, but why the FUCK will I, huh?  I know I am MORE, than what I have on the surfaces, I am, a woman, of DEPTH, and got NO need to, paint that dumb-blonde bimbo look on my face, just to, satisfy your needs (and dudes, don’t EVEN!)…

You only want what’s superficial, what’s no more than the eyes perceive, well, I’ll give you that, in my hourglass figure, my long skinny legs, oh, would you like me to give you a striptease too, huh?

Yeah, I’ll strip all right, oh wait I am, already, a WORLD RENOWNED, STRIPPER here, and the only thing I will EVER be “stripping” would be, my @#$%ING (maxed out already!) M-I-N-D.

and this, would be, what’s, ideal for all you, mother @#$%ERS, right??? Photo from online

So yeah, you all can just, SHOVE your superficialities, all your god damn NEEDS, up your own separate sorry, ASSES there, ‘k???

Note: this is still just ME, “bitching” ‘bout, stuff, this is still NOT directed toward anybody out there, okay???

You only want what’s superficial, and surely, I can be, as superficial as you need me to be, but I still have MORE depth, and I will REFUSE to STOOP down to any of your lowered levels of brain activities!

This is still NOT the QUEEN (moi!!!), insulting anyone, but feel free to see it as that, if you wish to, and send me a “complaint”, why don’t ya???

My Laissez-Faire Attitude Toward My Children’s Education

Drawing from her own experience in education, she’d, stopped, duplicating what her father did to her, to her own, young, instead of falling prey to the myths of all-star schools, translated…

My neighbor’s daughter is about to graduate from the elementary years, she was prodding and trying to find out more about the various middle schools; as she’d learned that my alma mater was very famous, also a pocket list in her considerations, she’d started, asking about my experience.

Because of how I’d done extremely well academically all the way through my elementary school years, my father in his coworkers’ “it would be a shame if you don’t get her into a good school”, he’d signed me up to attend a famed private middle school with a very high acceptance rate of high school entrance and used his connections, to get me in.

As I’d started there, I’d found, that all of my classmates are all of excellent standing in their own might, the winners of the mayor’s award from all over the country, and, it was too cruel, for me, to realize, that I’m not, the best of the best, in comparison with my excellent, classmates.  I’d stopped making the high grades like I’d done in the elementary years, and, feeling that I couldn’t, measure up, it’d made my middle school years, very, unhappy.

Other than it being too difficult for me to compare myself with my other excellent classmates, it’d made me feel, too helpless; and in those year where the focus in on getting the grades, the teachers are used to defining the students based off of their scholastic performances, to belittle those who couldn’t make as high a grade, and it’d made me feel so damaged that I wasn’t, good enough.

Before my son graduated elementary school, the mothers in his class are all enthusiastic, in signing their children up for the private schools, or to move the registry so their young can go to an all-star middle school, and invited me to get with the program.  Actually, I’d already, made up my mind, to NEVER be like my father back then, and the mothers of my son’s classmates, squeezing my own young into, the all-star middle schools.  Although, the intentions are, good, but, based off of my personal experience, the results may not, end up so, well.

The competitive classroom settings may surely, up that competitive edge in the children, but it may also, damage a child’s sense of self-confidence.  And, the three years of middle schools’ worth of not measuring up to others in the classes, and not getting the care, the attention from the instructors, thinking back now, I’d still felt, shattered from when I’d gone to school.

I’d told my neighbor, that this was only, MY experience, that there were the classmates I had back when, who’d, become better performing in the academics once they saw someone who was better, that they’d all become, outstanding in their own, separate fields of, expertise in life.  So, the experience of life, and the feelings are, all unique to the individuals, so, how she should choose, should be up to her own daughter to, decide.

The attitude I have toward my two children’s grades, are that I’d signed them up for the schools closest to home, I’d never considered once, to enroll them into those highly-reputed schools all around.  And, this sort of a laissez-faire attitude, may well be from my own, unhappy experience in the all-star schools!

So, this is how this woman stopped the vicious cycle her father put her in, to prevent the vicious cycle from getting passed to her own children, and because of her bad experience, of having to compete with those who are, more excellent than she was in middle school, it’d made her feel defeated, as if, puberty isn’t hard enough already???  She’d decided, to NEVER put her own children through what her father put her through, even IF he had nothing BUT good intentions for her as a child.

That, is What You Get, for Not, NEUTERING All the Men in Your Lives, Completely…

Those sons-of-bitches (four-legged and otherwise!), they all start doing their “business”, all over the places, and that, is what you get, for not, NEUTERING all the men in your lives, completely.

I mean, you DO realize, how we women gotta, TRAIN them, sons-of-bitches (the four-legged, AND the two-legged varieties!), correctly, right?  We can’t allow them to do their “business” everywhere inside of our homes (there’s carpeting, that will have that huge PISS stain!!!)…

because how “cute” they looked, we’d, not punished them for what they D-I-D, which leads to, even MORE repeated, BAD behaviors! Photo from online

And because as women, we have the tendencies of letting our more nurturing sides (that’s what’s believed, right???) take over when they start @#$%ING things up in our lives, making a huge mess take over, that’s why, we unknowingly, continually, WIPE their sorry ASSES, which in turn, caused them to, SUCK even HARDER on us, bleeding us, dry!

And it’s still ALL our faults, because we do NOT go down HARD on them that very first time they’d (cheated, lied, peed on the ground, where there’s NO newspaper……….) fucked up, which aided them into believing, that hey, it’s okay if we FUCK, LIE, HUMP, yada, yada, yada, yada, because my “honey” will always be there, to clean this SHIT up FOR me.

We still got our selves to blame, for them mother FUCKERS (don’t pardon me here!), because we allowed them, to DRAIN us dry, and by that, we’d become, the ENABLING “parties” of this, dynamic duo of ABUSE!

The Laws Which are, a Step Behind the Scam Artists, the Fake Play on Tackling the Problems of Scams in the Country?

Listen to the DDP government, BULLSLHITTING we the people again, hadn’t we had, enough???  Apparently, N-O-T!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The government announced in July of last year, that it will set up the “team of experts to tackle fraud”, but, the setting up of the system is slow to form, can’t catch up to the innovative scam means devised by the scam artist rings; the conditions of fraud and scams in this country continued worsening, the head accounts, the virtual currencies, the electronic pay, and other forms money laundering are happening all around us, there were the deaths of the jobseekers losing their lives after the scam groups forcibly abducted them, and, it’d made us wonder, that the “team of experts to tackle the frauds”, are “faking it”.

The virtual currencies became a primary method of money laundering now, and the heads called themselves currency traders to dodge arrest, this is primarily due to how there’s the lack of management means for the virtual currencies, that you are not required to have the licensures to trade virtual currencies, the government should get more active in keeping an eye on these, and now allowed the “unlicensed” currency traders to do business, or to trade outside the markets.

Also, the investigations aren’t easy either, the communications app, the social networking sites being prevalent nowadays, the police can’t catch the bad behaviors and to review the data they suspected in time, the drafts of the technology investigations legislature is planning to use the trojan horses to collect the evidence from the internet, to close in on the criminal acts, but with the society still doubting the efficacies, the drafts of this act hadn’t passed yet.

hey, look on the, “bright” side, at least, we didn’t, go RED in the, alerts, we’re only still, only, YELLOW level here! Yay us!!! Map from online

Japan, China set up laws to punish the holders of the accounts who’d allowed the scam rings to use their accounts; Italy pushed forth the information sharing of telecommunications company with the banks, to enforce the accounts and cell phone verification means; there are now, a lot of other European nations that are allowing for the equipment end to keep tabs on the communications.  Now, look at Taiwan, what had we done?  Government announced that it will break up the frauds, the scam rings, what’s the efficacy of that?  We the people, are still, waiting to find out.

And so, we are still, johnny-come-lately, just like how we were slow in tackling the issues of MERS-CoV, we are, too far, far, FAR behind the rest of the world’s major countries in cracking down the scam artist rings, and this government still made us a ton of empty promises, with NO means, no ways of, enforcing the laws, to ENSURE the safety of our personal data from getting stole and misused by the scam artists here.

Thus, turning this god DAMN island, into, a HAVEN for the scam artists.  Well, look on the bright side, at least, that would, put US on the maps for that!

As the Government “Allowed” Us, Women, to Spend Our New Year’s Eve with Our Own Families of, Origin

The government here, RE-iterated that it SHOULD BE ALLOWED, for us women who are married (still so totally NOWHERE N-E-A-R the vicinity of THAT shit here!), to go home to our own individual families of origins for New Year’s Eve meal gatherings…

Now, the government had, called out to the families with the sons, to be “more open” to the idea, to allow us women, to have the needed “time off”, seeing how we’d waited on them (our husbands and their families) hand-AND-FEET, all year long already, to give us a break!

And called out to the in-laws to not be so “narrow-minded”, to allow us women, to head home to our own individual families of origins on New Year’s Eve.

Now, there ARE, a few (more like a ton of!) problems with that:  first, who the FUCK (so???) says, that we can’t go to our own families of origins on New Year’s Eve to have the meals, and, this government’s “graciously allowing” us to do that, wouldn’t that be insinuating that before the statements made, we weren’t allowed to?

and the “caption” reads: one in five believes that women are inferior to men, study shows…from online

Secondly, who the FUCK (no need to pardon me here still!) says, that once we women are married, we are, SLAVES to your (men’s) families, as the traditions of this god damn CULTURE stated (not in so many words still!), that we’re supposed to be MISUSED as the maid, heading home on the holidays, serving our in-laws, our husbands (1@ a time, hello, hello, hello???), and their siblings, however many there are! Hand-and foot?

And third, just because we are married to you losers (just bring that UZI to my wedding, remember???) that does NOT mean, that we’re, your SLAVES, “honey” (still sarcasm “talkin’” here!), and, that’s that.

We will NOT take any more SHIT from you losers, our has-beens (b/c that’s what you’ll become, IF you do NOT behave yourselves!), and, all you mothers-in-law out there, DO remember, that we are the ones, who will be able to give your STUPID little boys their children, and unless all you mothers want to get CHARGED with INCEST (sex with your own direct next-of-kin, hello, hello, hello!!!), DO show respect to us, women who aren’t related to you, okay???

This is still ME, asking you, “nicely”, and trust me, nobody want to see me mean, just ask my two already DEAD boys, they’d seen me like that from high school, and they’d, DUCKED out for cover.

The Handmade Gift Pouches with Love

How when you take the time, to make the gifts yourselves, and not just go out and buy things for each other, it’d become, that much more, meaningful to the, recipient of the presents you give to them, translated…

Every year as the year came to an end, the Chinese knot instructor, Mrs. Shih would always design a gift pouch, used the electric sewing machines to stitch the blessings on it…coinciding with the coming Chinese zodiac, to give us a ton of blessings of the new year.

What’s behind these gift pouches, was some ten odd years back, as Mrs. Shih was searching for the materials to use for her classes, she’d accidentally stumbled upon a ribbon manufacturing plant; the owner, due to the western art styles taking over, didn’t want to follow what was trending them, and barely made his shop run.  Afterwards, Mrs. Shih was asked to design the gift pouches for the small town, and that was how she’d helped the man’s business to continue.  The unique gift pouches hit off the market right away, the ribbon factory received many more orders, and found its, rebirth.  Several years ago, in the pleas of the students in the class, there’s the renewed thought of the gift pouches for the new year, Mrs. Shih said sentimentally, that every year, the designs are a form of self-challenge, also, the thought of being on amicable terms with the local industries as well.

something like, this???

from online

The designs that Mrs. Shih made, are with that scent of celebration to them, and still carried that elegance.  While, the blessings, the wishes for safe passages through the year, already gotten placed into every one of these gift pouches as they were being made.

Every year, I would have the extra sets of gift pouches to give to my loved ones, also, mailed some to my friend’s daughter who’s studying in the U.S. as well, the girl was so happy, and what she’d looked most forward to, was this, tiny present that’s filled with the celebration of the brand new year, and she’d shared this gift pouch with her American friends too.  These years, as I saw the gift pouches, it was like that joy that came to me as I was able to get the zodiac stamps at the post office, but what’s different was: in the pouches, there was the thoughtfulness from my tying up the Chinese knot art, and what’s worth the keepsake, is the warmth of the memories that’s stored inside these, gift, pouches.

And so, this is how much thought goes into giving the presents that’s handmade, and, that just showed, that you do NOT need to spend a whole lot of money, that you can make something for someone that you love, and, the recipient of these gifts will surely, appreciate the act of you taking the time, to make the gifts for them yourselves, and it also won’t put that huge damper on your bank accounts.

It’s the thought that goes into these handmade personalized gifts that you give to someone that mattered to the recipients, the most.

The Miscalculation of Weight Gain that Will Help Me Fit into Those Dresses Perfectly

No matter how beautiful they all are, if you can’t fit into them, they’re still, scraps, and finally, you’d decided, to donate these dresses you loved for all these years, to someone who may find use for them, translated…

It’d made me feel, regrettable, as I’d opened up my wardrobe, saw those classic, elegant, good quality dresses.  As I was younger, I’d loved dressing up pretty, and enjoyed going to the couture shops to shop, once I got into a high-end couture store that was hosting a sale, and, these few dresses are from my carefully selecting from the racks.

I was only in my thirties, and these dresses seemed, a bit, old-fashioned in style, and they were, a bit, too large for me then, but I’d still told myself, that I got a good bargain for the cost, that maybe they would NOT fit me now, but, as I grew older, into midlife, and gained some weight, then, they will fit me, perfectly!

All the way home, I was, gloating, grinning ear to ear, at my gains, and, saw myself in those, dresses, how elegant I would, appear.  As I got home, I’d, gloated to my husband about what I did.

like this??? Photo from online

“Yeah, they look great, but how do you know for a FACT, that you will, gain weight later on in life?  And besides, maybe, you would change your taste in style by then?”, he’d lightly, poured, that glass of cold water, all over my, parade then.

And, he was half right.  I’d, waited until I’m past sixty, still not gained any extra weight, instead, due to the loss of my muscle mass, I kept at forty-five, forty-six kilograms prior to age fifty, and now, I’m, defending forty-two.  And, although, these dresses still won’t my taste contest, but they’d, drifted, farther, farther, and farther away from where I am now!

Back then I thought I was, “preparing for my future”, and now, it’d become, a “waste of resources”.  Gazing upon those few dresses that I’d kept for more than thirty years, although they still appeared, brand new, but the unchanged fact was, “I can’t wear them”, and there’s nobody I can give them to; I’d made my mind up, I shall, donate them tomorrow then!

And, it’d been told, that “dreams are what keep us alive”, and, yet, a lot of things, they don’t go, as we, planned.  Year after year, I’d often imagined, “one day, I shall, put these, beautiful dresses on me”, I’d dreamed this dream for more than thirty years, and, although, the dreamer still, woke up, but, these more than 10,000 days of dreaming on, I suppose, it was, worth what these, dresses had, cost!

And so, this, is how something you thought that were, too pretty to lose, that you’d kept forever (literally!), still end up as, useless, because you hadn’t gained the weight that you thought you would gain in midlife, and so now, you let these items go, but the images of you, fitting perfectly in those, dresses you loved so very much, shall stay forever fresh, in your, mind.

The Male School Instructor Had Abused a Male Student to the Point that the Student Would Pass Out Twenty-Times a Day

The abuse by this ill-fitted school instructor that’s caused this male student to suffer from dissociative symptoms, and PTSD as well, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

A male instructor, Liu asked a ten-year-old male student to look out for his young son who just started in school, believed that the student he’d asked to watch out for his son didn’t do his job, he’d beaten the genital of the student with a drum stick, and abused the ten-year-old for a whole year, causing the boy to start exerting the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, and he’d fainted in school twenty times once.  The Taipei District Court found that Liu the instructor, used his authority as a school instructor, abused a helpless student, during the trial, he’d ignored how he’d caused the child to become psychologically ill, that he deserved a harsh punishment, sentenced him to four years six months for obstructing the growth of young children; this can be appealed.

The victimized male student wrote the thank you notes to the judges, “Thank you, judges, for serving justice for me”, “it’d been four years since, although I’m taller, and more mature now, but it’d still, stayed in my mind, I kept replaying the scene of me, getting beaten up by Mr. Liu.”

Based off of investigations, the instructor, Liu believed that the student didn’t care for his son well enough, had multiple times abused him in class, using the drum sticks to beat on his genital, his bones in the calves, or smacked the back of the student’s head, temple, the nose ridge, and slapped him across the face, insulted him, “Your father is stupid, your mother, a fool, that’s why a trash like you were born, you IDIOT!”, and forced the student to not tell anybody about his abuse.

The victimized student started exerting the symptoms of dizziness, stomach troubles, and started in September of the following year, he’d started having the fainting spells in class, started screaming and begging for forgiveness, and was later diagnosed with PTSD with symptoms of dissociation.

The instructor, Liu denied the allegations of abuse to the end, and claimed that he was libeled and slandered against by the young student.

But the homeroom instructor of the boy told, that the victim would pass out in class, ten to twenty times a day, that as he’d fallen down, he’d started, convulsing, kept ranting, “I won’t do it again, I’m sorry, Mr. Liu, I won’t, do it, again!”

The Collectivist Court found, that before the boy was placed in medical treatment, he’d never disclosed what Liu had done to him, later, as he’d disclosed what had happened to him when he was unconscious, and his families heard, that he had, NO reasons to, frame Liu.

And so, this is how the victims of abuse, suffered from the dissociations, reliving the traumatic moments of what had happened to him, and this instructor was awful in his means of abusing the student, and he NEVER should’ve asked a TNE year old KID to take care of his own young, first grade son, the boy is still a child himself, and how the @#$%, can he, possibly, take up the responsibilities of caring for another child who’s, only, a few years younger than he is?