When Death is the Only Gift I Can Give to You

Death is, the only gift I can, give to you, love!  I don’t want you to, suffer anymore…

When death is the only gift I can, give to you, I can’t!  I just, can’t bear the thought of, losing you, it’s, too painful!  When death is the only gift I can, give to you, because you’re, in so much pain, and you’d, become, reduced, to less than you were, from when you were still, healthy, happy, and free, and now, you got, trapped, inside this, sick little body of yours, growing weaker by the day!

When death is the only gift I can, give to you, will I be able to, just, let go, of my love for you, knowing that, you’d be, better off, DEAD?  And, how can I, say goodbye to you, my love, after we’d, shared, so many years of our lives together, of all that we’d, weathered through with each other, huh?

like this???photo from online

You’re, asking too much of me, and I just, can’t!  I can’t, let you go, you mean too much to me, I can’t, lose you, it hurt, just, thinking about it!

When death is the only gift I can, give to you, then, I will, force myself to give you just that, because, I will, NEVER allow you, to suffer, like someone I used to love, suffered, before he was, put down!

So yeah if death turns into, the only gift I can, give to you, then, I shall, give it, and nobody says SHIT about it!!!

Complying to the Homestay Quarantines, But Got Discriminated Against, & the Pays Cut

The experiences of an individual who was serving his at-home quarantine for MERS-CoV, mandated by the government, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

With the rises of the cases of MERS-CoV, the CDC can almost use the management techniques, to make the locals comply, and yet, the process had a ton of troubles that needed, amending. 

a live news footagewith the caption that reads: even if you’re not ill, we will, STARVE you to death!  found online

I took a flight from China, arrived back home from China at the bottom of January, before I aboard, the airline company asked everybody to get their temperatures taken and recorded.  There weren’t that many passengers, and I’d worn my surgical mask all the way, but not used the lavatories.  As I arrived, because of my work, I’d had to go to three days of work consecutively.  And yet, by the fourth day, I’d received a call, telling me that I need to quarantine myself at home, reason being one of the passengers of the flight I was on was confirmed with the diagnosis of MERS-CoV, that everybody who was onboard the planes needed to have quarantine in their homes.  As I got off work, arrived at my home, there was a man holding the papers that mandated I go into house arrest for the quarantines immediately.

It happened so suddenly, at first, my work wouldn’t allow me to take the long leave of absence, demanded that I continue to work.  But if I don’t stay at home during the quarantines, if I got caught, the first time, I’d needed to pay a $60,000N.T. fine, and the second time, the highest amount of fine goes up to $150,000N.T., my company will be fined as well.  I’d handed my manager’s number to the members of the CDC, to have them mediate the matter, while I’d, started on my fourteen days of at-home quarantine.

There are others living at my home, while I was in quarantine, they’re still, working and carrying out their usual routines, not restricted by the government.  Because the law didn’t specify the wages for the at-home quarantines, during the time I’d called 1992 multiple times to ask the Labor and the Department of Sanitations about the matter, and I got the exact same replies: the related units will help me take care of it, that I need not worry.  During which time, they’d even told me to order take outs daily!  But, because I stopped getting paid for work, and needed to have an extra expenses for my meals, it became, too burdensome for a working class like me!  During which time, I was forced, to have my cell phone GPS on file, I was getting zoomed in on, even when I was asleep, or when I went to the bathrooms, due to bad receptions, the police or the workers in the Sanitation Department would come calling me at the house, I’d walked on eggshells.

the items taht are bare necessities of the individuals’ at-home quarantine sessions, chart rom onine

To prevent the spread of the illness, I’d worked alongside the homestay quarantines of the government.  But the problem showed, that after my fourteen days of quarantine, I’d returned back to work, found my wages deducted for over half a month, and the rest of my coworkers treated me like the plague, dodged me all they could, even the owner of the company, transferred me to the outermost unit that works from outside the offices.  And some of the coworkers tattled on how I was in the at-home quarantine programs to my clients too.

As these all happened, I felt like I had contracted, the bubonic plague, I’d followed the laws here, and yet, as I returned back to work, I was, discriminated against all around.  The managers of the various units of governments who’d promised me that they’ll help me mediate the matters of my wages and everything, all evaded their responsibilities, it’d made me feel, cheated!

After I’d gone through this experience of at-home quarantine, other than confirming that I’m, healthy, I also experienced firsthand, how there are, so many, shortcomings of the system including: the placement of my family members who live in the same residence as I, the living standards of the individuals in quarantine, along with the matters of my wages during the time I’d stopped, working, the tracking down of those in quarantine is an invasion of privacy, and as those in quarantine returned back to work, they’re, discriminated against by the company, the coworkers.  What’s worst was, that the government didn’t have a specific department window set aside to answer all of our, inquiries, and afterward, the departments evading the responsibilities for the problems they promised to help us solve!  This sort of an at-home quarantine surely is, problematic!

Yes, because there’s NO SET protocol for this, and even if there were the protocols set up, people still don’t follow it, and that, is the problems of the members of the working class, being in quarantines at home for traveling to countries with MER-CoV, and I don’t think this is going to improve, anytime soon!

Passing Through, on a Bamboo Raft, a Poem

On burying one’s own, offspring, translated…

A Bamboo Raft, Like a Red Lotus Passed Through

Vanished, into the Fog

“Affinities of Children, Thin Like the Foams on the Waterfront”

So True These Words

Watching the Sunset Light Withering in the West

Time Has No Place Here

Memories Can’t Hide

The Awareness, Electric Shocked

Who isn’t, Like that Small Raft

Drifting in-Between Life & Death

Listening to the Heaviness of the Repentance of Love & Lust

With the Broken Bridges, Severed Off Streams, the Dying Smokes

And so, this, is finally, coming to one’s senses about the finality of life, because you’d lost the ones you loved when they were too young, and you are, still living, you’d, needed to, cope with losing the ones you cared for, loved, your, own young…

Forgiving Her Predatory Father…

Because he’s my “daddy”, and I love him!  Yeah, uh, how FUCKING retarded are you, huh?  And, you DO realize, that it’s WRONG, what that M***ER F***ER had done to you, right?

Forgiving her predatory father, she had, because, she loved him, after all, without his sperm, she wouldn’t even EXIST!  And besides, he’s the PRIMARY source of income, and, her and her family relied on him for bringing in the dough, and besides, in just a few more years, she’ll be, an adult, and she won’t need to, PUT up with him, coming into her bedroom late in the nights, undressing himself, and getting too close to her no more………

Forgiving her predatory father, she didn’t want to, after all, how can you, possibly, forgive a man for RAPE, especially when he WAS (past tense???) your father!  But, for the sake of her family, at her own mother’s urging, child, if you don’t forgive him, he’ll get sent to prison, and what’ll, happen to us???  (and that constitutes as emotional BLACKMAIL!!!), and so, she had, NO other viable options, but to state it in court, “I forgive my father!”

And so, this PREDATORY father learned what???  Oh yeah, I can get away, with RAPING my own daughter any time I want to, besides, the law’s on MY side, and her mother doesn’t believe her…

What do you think is gonna happen, to this child who will eventually, become adult?  Yeah, I can’t even begin to IMAGINE it…………

Dreams, that Fell, into the CRACKS of Reality…

There were, those, dreams, that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, that were, never seen, or heard of, ever again!  Where did they go?  Is there, a blackhole, that SUCKED the life out of all things that used to be alive, from this realm, to the next?

Dreams, that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, they got lost, in the tramples of the day to day, don’t you remember, a long, long, long, long, long time ago, back, when you were, way too innocent, to KNOW, that you can’t, live on dreams alone, what, did you want to be, when you “grow up”?  Now that you’re, all grown up, did you ever, got the chance, to pursue becoming whatever it was, that you wanted, to become as a kid?

this, is where those dreams will be found…photo from online…

Dreams, that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, I’d, made that unmarked grave (you know, those mounds you see in those, vacant places around???) as their, final resting places, and, I’m sure, that NOBODY will, EVER come look for them again, so, I’d, still, gone to that burial site of all those dreams that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, to see them, to talk them, to hear them, tell of their, tales, of how someone (their “owners”???) used to love them, and cherish them so very much, until the person, grows up………

Dreams that, fell, into the CRACKS of reality, they will, continue, to fall into those cracks, and get buried alive, until one day, you look back, and realize, where those dreams, were lost in time, and by that time, you go and dig ‘em all back up, they would’ve, suffocated to death, as you’d, buried them alive, back when, you were, a whole lot younger.

Dreams, gone up in flames here…photo found online…

 

 

 

The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimi Liao, translated…

I Heard His Cries

I Felt His Despair

I’d Touched His Sorrows

I’d, Closed the Book

He’d, Vanished So Suddenly

Then, Immediately, Came to Me Again

And so, this showed, how the pen IS, mightier than the SWORD, the words touched people, even AFTER they’re done, getting spoken out there, and the influences of words will keep on carrying over…

All the Hurtful Things You’d Said to Me

I wish that I can say, that none of it mattered, but, it’d still, affected me, but, I’m slowly, becoming, desensitized to it.  All the hurtful things you’d said to me, had become, something, that fueled me, those awful words that had, gotten too deep, into my ear canals, had finally, made me deaf!

what it felt like at the beginning…not my photo…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, after so many years, it’d, still hurt, but, a little less every single day, and, I suppose, that one day, all the hurtful things you’d said to me, will NO longer affect me, it’s just, that that day, hadn’t, “arrived” yet…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they don’t matter now, I’d become stronger, hearing all the hurtful things you’d said to me, and, they no longer, hurt me anymore, they’d become, nothing more than those cold winter winds that cuts through the skin on the surfaces now……………

and now…

no longer “registering”, ‘cuz I’d, tuned you O-U-T!!!

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they’d, become, this never-healing infection of my childhood days, and growing up, I’d, carried all my scars that marked my body, and now, as I’d become, an adult, those scars became scabs, and, underneath those ugly scabs, there are, newly, grown-in layers of skin, waiting to come out.

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Turn to Take Care of You This Time

From the mind of a son, translated…

The year that I’d interned at the emergency room, I’d always feared that my father would become one of the patients, every time I’d heard on the announcement system, that there was an unknown male patient, I’d always gone to check.  My father had been ill a long time, one morning, he had a stroke, was found by a neighbor, to be lying at the park, having a seizure, but after being treated, he’d gotten stabilized, and can now, live on his own.

I can’t believe, that my father who’d always been so strong, how he’d missed the signs of him growing weaker, back then, I’d spent all of my waking hours on my post, learned to ask the patients what was the matter, and how to treat their difficulties, and, in this busyness, I’d gotten a call, as I’d dialed back, it was, a stranger, telling me about my father’s conditions, how ironic!  My heart became twitched and tangled, I’d immediately rushed to the other hospital, saw my father, panting hard, at a corner of the emergency room; what’s worse was, I’d worked through the days and the nights, and neglected to ask him how he was, and was completely clueless about his mental and physical health.

I should’ve known, that my father had concealed his condition from me, because he didn’t want me to worry, I should’ve gotten that something wasn’t right from how fatigued he looked, all those knowledge I’d learned from medical school allowed me to look at every patient’s situations subjectively, but, I couldn’t see clearly what was going on with those I loved………I’d started doubting my love toward my father now, compared to those who’d kept me up all night long, thinking over their conditions, I don’t even know when was the last time my dad went to his doctor’s appointment, must there be a give and take between a greater kind of love and the love you have for those who are close to you?

There was a time, when I’d gotten trapped in the emotions of self-blame, before my father’s bed, I’d looked over his charts hard, trying to find a way, to make this love I have for him complete; but, what surfaced into my mind was not the medical knowledge, but the days my father and I spent together.  The tears of regrets stained my white robe, and, it was, as if my father heard my helpless cries, he’d worked hard, opened up his eyes, and told me, to not worry so much, word by word.

My father couldn’t control his drool, and, it’d slowly overflowed from the corner of his lips, I’d wiped it up lightly, I didn’t want someone else to look after him again, even as my father ushered me to head back to work, I’d still told him no.  This time, I want to, keep watch over my father, as his son.

And this, is how someone had become too focused on his job, that he’d forgotten about how important family is, but gladly, he’d gotten that wake up call just in time.

Her Life in Picture

On her funeral, her families and friends put together a slide show of her life in pictures, kinda like the ones played at those weddings???

It’d started out with her as an infant, her first step, her first word, so many firsts, to be recalled.  Her life had been a run-on, like the sentence?  She just, kept going, going, going, ‘til she’s finally gone, and, the story of her life, it’d played on, like a projector that’s broken, it just, looped around, endlessly, guess that, would be how her life was, huh?

Her life in pictures, there were ups, and downs, and, a whole lotta in-betweens, and, none of that mattered now, she’s gone, and, she’d managed to change so many lives, and, brightened up people’s lives with her mere presence, and, although she was real young when she’d passed away, nobody can disagree, that in her short life, she’d made the most of her time here.

Her life in pictures, but how?  How can someone’s life, be reduced to a few pictures?  After all, a person is changing, growing, every single day, and, there’s NO way possible, that anybody can manage to capture every single breath the someone takes………