The Most Precious Thing of Our Marriage is the Gratitude We Feel Toward Each Other

The SEXIST belief of how women are in charge of what happens within the household (all the chores are up to us!!!), while you losers (not name calling!) are all in charge of working your nine-to-fives out!  Translated…

Because of my children are growing up fast, they’d gotten a ton of energies in them, and naturally, it’d made me busier at home, recently, my wife had been working in and out, sweating like crazy, and, the accumulated stresses that she’d had, became, that final straw that’s, cracked her, back, one day, she’d gotten furious over something, stated, that she’d been working from the beginning, and we didn’t not only thanked her, we’d, taken her for, granted, that she’d become, completely, drained.  Suddenly, the air froze at home, the smokes are rising up then, without the joys of motherhood, with that added, crisis of losing my, marriage now.

Based off of the estimates of the offices of internal statistics, the rate of divorce was up to 47,888 pairs in 2021, second, only to China, second in all of Asia, while, the age group that’s found to be most prevalent for divorces are from ages thirty-five to thirty-nine, and suddenly, it’d dawned on me, that I’m, right at the highest risk of the divorce groups.

There’s a joke: at age thirty we see others around us marrying, start panicking because we didn’t have anyone; at age forty, we see, that everybody around us is, divorcing, and we’d felt glad that we never, tied the, knots.  Looking at today, less and less are choosing to get married, and more and more are, getting, divorced; the experts and scholars tried to find the reasons behind all of this, and, as the studies, research results showed, it was due to how “one side gave too much, and the other side not being, grateful enough”, it’d made me think hard.

how it used to, be…illustration from online

After we’d fought, I’d started, introspecting, if the household chores are split up unevenly, or that I’d, taken my wife’s giving to the family for, granted.  And further, all of these accumulations from long ago, maybe, it’s, the problems of the ordinary marriages, that we’re always, grateful for those who are outside of the realms of family, but not enough thanks given to those who are closest to us, and giving to us, selflessly.

Thought about how I’d, boasted to my wife, how I’d, automatically, did the laundry, hung them up in the closets after they’re all dried, and did the dishes too, and hoped to get a praise, but my wife was confused, because she thinks the household chores are originally, both our, responsibilities, why was I the one, “helping” her out?  Her words were a, rude awakening, so, I’d, believed that it’s a woman’s work, doing all the, household, chores.

Based off of the study of Harvard University, the 724 adults the school followed up since 1938, as the participants of the study are all in their nineties, they’d discovered, that the key to happiness, is originally built on “an amicable relationship”.  In sum, through scientific proof, the key to happiness is, “gratitude”.

It’s never too late, as they say, first, we must, learn to, verbalize our gratitude, then, act on it, toward the household chores, stacking up at home, we must, work in them too.  It’s never late to save your marriages, start offering one another the verbal thank yous when you were younger, and keep that heart of gratitude, say thanks, do more household chores, you will, live in the marital bliss!

and this, is how, it SHOULD, be! Comic from online

And so, this is still based off of the sexist beliefs of how women ARE, in charge of what’s in the house, while all of you, LOSERS (not name calling!) are supposed to be the “bread winners”, but that may be true, in the CAVEMEN days, these days, we women are also, working our separate five to nines (instead of nine-to-fives), and when we clocked out from our offices, we go home, and work some more around the house, because, if we don’t, then, who will, and most of us preferred our homes to be, neat and, tidy, that’s why, we women are, slaving ourselves, and you men don’t even help out enough, because, it’s etched in your BRAINS that you’re only in charge, of, “winning the breads”.

WAKE up!  This is NOT the CAVEMEN days, when all you losers (not name calling!) go out hunting with your god damn, oversized, clubs, leaving us women at home, tending to the “hearth”…

and this, is what we’re, or should, aim, at!

Self-Abasement

Lesson learned, from the love that broke her, with the help of a coworker, who saw her suffering, and gave her a lift, to get her out of this FUCKED up marriage of hers, translated…

Every time there’s a fight, he would always not bite his tongue, talked down at her, called her stupid, ignorant, and as everything blew over, he’d, apologized to her profusely.  He thought that his apologies actually, meant something, that it deleted everything, not known, how his words had such, an immense effect on her, like that mirror which was shattered, even as you’d taped it back together, you still, see the, cracks.

His words would come back up as a reminder to her in the days when things weren’t going well, she’d, introspected repeatedly, too stressed, that as she lay herself down to sleep, she’d started having the nightmares, lost too much weight, became, pessimistic, and self-abased, it was her coworker who’d noted that something was wrong who’d, given her that needed lift up, forced her into psychotherapy, she’d started, getting, better; this was also the very first time in these past few years, that the thought of leaving him came up.

being talked down to in a relationship, like this, photo from online

Later, she’d, left him.  At first, the days were, hard, but slowly, everything looked up.  Two years after she’d gained her freedom, she saw things more clearly then: even if the mirror is broken, her face was still, whole, no matter how bad the injuries were, they all belonged, to that, mirror; she’d know, that, only when someone is a, shattered mirror, that is why, everything looked, broken.

And so, this is the wisdom that this woman learned, after her coworker helped her get out of an, abusive relationship, and NOBODY deserved to be treated like nothing, but, there are, men and women who are, treating one another as, NOTHING, in a relationship, because, these individuals were, the NOTHINGS to begin with, too insecure about themselves, that they needed to belittle another, to feel all that!

Expanding the Conversations Beyond “Had You Eaten Yet?”

How the grandparents found ways into interacting with their grandchild, using HIS, interest profile, translated…

One day last week after supper, my third-grade grandson, Cheng-Cheng brought a three-by-three Rubik’s cube to show me, said that he’d been playing, that after he’d mixed up the colors, it takes him about forty seconds to put the same colors all on the sides, I’d commended him on how amazing he was, and asked him if he could also teach grandma to do it too?  He’d told me sure, then, asked me for a pen and paper, and started dictating to me the steps to solve the Rubik’s Cube, with the notes written for me.

Holy, I don’t even know what a Rubik’s Cube was until this day, plus, the nine-year-old child’s lacking in the means to teach well, my head started, swelling up.  But in this process of him teaching me, I’d found, that he was, so very, patient, as I’d asked him questions, he’d repeatedly shown me how, until his dad upstairs called him up to take a bath, Cheng-Cheng still didn’t want to go yet, because, he’d not yet taught me how to solve the third layer of the Rubik’s Cube yet.

I’d told him, the lesson can’t be finished today, we do it another day!  Rushed him to go upstairs to take a bath, then to bed.  As he got upstairs, he’d immediately LINED me: “If you have any questions, line me anytime.”  So, my young grandson was really into, training me to solve the Rubik’s Cube.

After lunch the following day, Cheng-Cheng was responsible, coming over to continue teaching me from yesterday, I’d told him “Cheng-Cheng, I went shopping for the groceries, I didn’t find the time to digest what you’d taught me from yesterday, and I’m sorting through the produces I got today right now, I don’t have the time here, we shall begin again, tomorrow then!”

And, to make sure that I understand what my grandson was talking about the following day, I’d, found the videos on the Rubik’s Cubes that night, with Cheng-Cheng’s beginners’ lessons, I’d, immediately, finished the Rubik’s cube.  Yay, great!

But the following morn, I’d still decided to let him teach me, to make him feel, that he’d, taught his grandma how to solve the Rubik’s cube, that way, it would, please him more?

Still recalled how when he’d started playing go, he’d often bugged the two of us to play with him, we didn’t know a thing about go, and so, we’d, immediately started flipping through the volumes, and we’d also, found the videos on how to play online, then, we’d started, getting it.  Although, playing with him, who’d won the young champion trophies, we’d felt like we were, slaughtered, but, winning and losing isn’t our, focus, we just want to, have more opportunities to interact with our grandson.

And so, as he’d asked us to accompany him to play the piano, to play soccer, badminton…………we were, both, very happy to oblige.  Getting involved in what he’s into, hoping we could, increase the chances of interactions with him, to have common conversation topics, because I do NOT want our conversations to get reduced to, “have you eaten today yet?”

And so, this is how this young grandchild, got his grandparents active in learning new things, because they want to interact with him at his level, and seeing how diverse the child’s interests are, that’s why, the elders had, upped their abilities to learn things.

How Do You Make Up for Missing the Coming of Age of the Children? In the Custody Battles, Do Not Make the Damages Even Harder

How family relations is too important to overlook for all you parents who are, too busy, making ends meet, and NOT spending enough time, with your own young, borrowing from the failed marriage of the singer, Wang, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The marriage of the singer, Wang and his wife, Lee went bust, the woman stayed silent for two whole days, then, started on the offensive, quoted the female blogger, “the one who’s absentee always has a valid excuse”, mentioned how Wang missed all the important milestones of their children’s lives.  The experts told, that the “false” single families are increasing by the numbers today, that there would need to have the “high concentration” of family interactions, to make up for it.

Lee believed, that if you cared, then, you will make the time for it, that love is reflected on the behaviors, not on what is being said, but she’d forgiven, backed down, and Wang stayed absentee, and his children had been disappointed repeatedly, and cried over, over, and over again.  A lot of the middle school and elementary school instructor stated that their story is a great example of “family education” and “emotional education”.

The associate professor of World Journalism University, Jeng stated, whether it be single-parent families or falsified single parenthood, there are, many stories of children coming out of these families well-rounded, the forefront is that the parents need to give the children what they needed the most.  Jeng told, if it’s a false single-parent family, the couple need to explain why they’re absent in the children’s lives; if it’s a single parent family, then, the parents must consider what’s best for the child, when fighting over the parental and custody rights.

The associate professor of Human Development and Family major of the Taiwan National Education University, Wei said, whether it be single parent families or not, the focus should be on having high-quality interactions.  Liking taking an hour of your days, to just spend time with your young, to sit down for a meal together, to exercise together, to stroll together, otherwise, the family interactions, lacking in high quality time together, will eventually, crack, wide open.

And so, this still showed, how very important it is, for you, stupid (b/c that is what you all are???) parents, to MAKE the time, to spend it with your own young, because, they are only young for a very brief moment in your lives, and, if you don’t take advantage of the time with them when they were little, do NOT expect them to be closer to you when they’re older, and, there’s just, NO making up for lost time, with your children IF you had missed out on their younger years, do NOT think, that you can make up for it because you can’t, and that, is the lesson to be taken away, from this.

If You Can’t Even, Get Along Well Enough with Your Mother-in-Law, How the HELL Do You Expect to Get Along with Your Daughters-in-Law???

Uh, this is what I call, a STUPID QUESTION, so, SCRATCH that “last statement” on how there are, NO stupid questions as I’d, stated, previously…

If you can’t even, get along well enough with your mother-in-law, and how the HELL do you expect to get along with your daughters-in-law?  You can’t, and, no matter how you say, that you won’t repeat what your @#$%ED up mothers-in-law DID to you when you married those, mother @$#%ERS (still NOT name calling here!), you will still, fall, into, that vicious cycle, even IF you do have, enough, awareness, ‘cuz, it takes, more than awareness, to map out that, brand new course.

And yet, what the @$%# (maxed out) would I know?  I’m still, unmarried, with NO children (not physically!), but heck, I still, know my SHIT ‘round this subject, so, don’t doubt me.

The thing is, we will all, pass down how we were, mistreated, by our own, mothers-in-law to our own, daughters-in-law, because that, is just how humans behave, and, there’s, NO way, of, snapping, OUT of this, vicious cycle, unless, you have, that extra-sensitive perception (not like clairvoyance, I’m afraid…), and is, super, duper aware, of, everything that’s, currently, happening all around you, otherwise, you will, NEVER break out of that, vicious cycle, and I got NO need to worry ‘bout getting STUCK, inside, that “vortex” cuz???  Oh yeah, I got, ZERO plans of getting married (just bring that GUN to my wedding, as I’d stated previously???), got NO need to have this, already DEAD daughter of mine, and yes, I still, endured through, a whole lot of, abuse AND neglect, along with, other forms, versions, of BULLSHIT you can, or can’t, ever, imagine, so, do NOT, question my authority on here, ‘k???

Mommy is in need of her F-I-V-E, so, class is, no longer in session, ‘til next time, my “children”…

Uh, you have GOT to be, shitting me on here and, I do apologize (N-O-T!) for my, condescending, tone of voice…for this one, N-O-T!

When You’d Become, the Sum of My Parts

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I can’t, do without you, I’d become, totally, completely, hooked (woe would be me!!!).  When you’d become, the sum of my parts, we’d become, too intertwined, too, mingled together, like those balls of yarns that those kittens played with, without the supervisions of humans?  They end up, tangled up completely, unmanageable.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, it would be, super, duper hard, for me, to live without you, I’d grown, to rely on you, for every single one of my needs, and yet, you don’t, give me any, and so, I shall, die…

what that, looked like…and it’s, still NOTHING good!  Photo from online

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, nothing’s, interchangeable, I gotta, have you in my life, or else, I will, die, I can’t even, go a second, without you on my mind, what am I, supposed to do, I think about you when I’m awake, and dream of you, when I sleep at night.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I’m destined, to get, SCREWED over, which is why, I’m now, working, too hard, to make SURE, that you don’t become, the sum of any part of who I turn out to be!

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, well, let’s see, how it’ll end, and I gotta feelin’: it ain’t, gonna end well, not for me one bit, and yet, I can’t, map out my brand new path, my path is, too entangled, with yours now………

The Lawmaker was Accused of Domestic Violence by His Girlfriend, He’d Found Himself an Attorney

A member of the legislation, accused of abuse by her/his partner, from the Front Page Sections, bad news, and the abuser IS a lawmaker too!!!  Translated…

The member of the legislative committee of the Executive Department, Tang was accused by his girlfriend last year for domestic violence, his girlfriend accused, that last May, they started arguing about the matter of pets, Tang bit her arm, and, got physically violent on her, injured her leg, yesterday, they’d trash-talked each other on FB, “Could it be that you’d taken what you saw in the legislative department home?”

The man, Tang and his office didn’t make any statement yesterday, the spokesperson of the Legislative Department, Kolas Yotaka stated, that Tang already hired an attorney for the matter, and everything will go accordingly to the judiciary process.

Based off of understanding, the girlfriend who was bitten by Tang took the injury examinations report she got from the hospital to the police to report the domestic violence she’d endured through with Tang, that last May, the two of them started fighting on matters relating to the dogs, and the fight got worse and worse, they’d started pulling at each other, Tang bit her arms, and pushed her down, she’d injured her foot because of his pushing her.

The girlfriend thought that that was all the fight was, but, Tang lost emotional control suddenly, ran to the lanai acting like he was about to take the leap; the girlfriend saw, took out her cell, started recording, then, as she recorded him, she’d gone up to pull him back down, to prevent him from attempting to commit suicide.

Tang’s girlfriend didn’t press charges immediately, until half a year ago, as the statutory period was almost up, did she go to the local substation to press charges against him; toward the police inquiries, she’d been, more than conservative, and only provided them with the documentations of her foot injuries and being bitten, and told the police what happened simply, and didn’t mention of prior incidents that may, or may not have happened from before.

Three days ago, Tang’s girlfriend stated on FB, “the legislator, Tang has NO say in my interpersonal relations.”; early yesterday morning, she’d posted, the violence came and went, “is this a representation of what’s happening in the legislature right now?”.

In an interview in November of 2016, as the very first cross-gender legislator, Tang said, that he’d been with his partner for over a decade, that they understood one another perfectly, “I feel like my destiny is intertwined with hers”; they live together, shared two dogs, seven cats, a total of nine “companion animals”.

And so, this, is a bad example, if what this woman accused her partner is true, and, the partner is a lawmaker too, and, if a member of the legislature couldn’t even follow the laws, how do we expect our country, run by these, law breaking lawmakers to run well?

Forgiveness Found, with an “I Love You”…

It’s, just too easy, to forgive, when someone says, “I love you”, isn’t it?  But, wouldn’t that be, the other person’s excuse of getting her/himself out of the troubles s/he got in?

Forgiveness found, with an “I love you”, it’s, unreal, as you can be more than one-HUNDRED percent certain, that whatever bad deed the individual is apologizing for, will reoccur, because that, is how it goes!

Forgiveness found, with an “I love you”, yeah, I used to fall for that too (not really, I’d just, allowed people to apologize to me, and just, let them SLIDE, how young I’d been from before, right???), but not anymore, NOT since my DEATH, circa late September to early October of 2008…

So, unless you want to still get STUCK in the vicious cycles of your abuse, yeah, sure, why not, forgive that certain someone for all the done you wrongs, with their poisonous “I love you”!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All the Hurtful Things You’d Said to Me

I wish that I can say, that none of it mattered, but, it’d still, affected me, but, I’m slowly, becoming, desensitized to it.  All the hurtful things you’d said to me, had become, something, that fueled me, those awful words that had, gotten too deep, into my ear canals, had finally, made me deaf!

what it felt like at the beginning…not my photo…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, after so many years, it’d, still hurt, but, a little less every single day, and, I suppose, that one day, all the hurtful things you’d said to me, will NO longer affect me, it’s just, that that day, hadn’t, “arrived” yet…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they don’t matter now, I’d become stronger, hearing all the hurtful things you’d said to me, and, they no longer, hurt me anymore, they’d become, nothing more than those cold winter winds that cuts through the skin on the surfaces now……………

and now…

no longer “registering”, ‘cuz I’d, tuned you O-U-T!!!

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they’d, become, this never-healing infection of my childhood days, and growing up, I’d, carried all my scars that marked my body, and now, as I’d become, an adult, those scars became scabs, and, underneath those ugly scabs, there are, newly, grown-in layers of skin, waiting to come out.

Getting Out from Postpartum Depression

Translated…

Upon hearing recently, that a woman committed suicide due to postpartum depression, after work, my husband inquired, if I’d felt okay lately?  If something’s up, I needed to let him know.

Compared to three years ago when my firstborn got here, my husband had metamorphosed from that self-centered big boy, into a man who puts his family first.  That year, my first child came, my husband’s “living life his way” made me feel so very helpless and alone, the “active participations” from my in-laws made me feel even MORE pressures; plus the economical burdens, I’d washed my face with my tears every single day.

Even after my month long recuperation is up, the anxieties, the self-mutilations, even the thought of taking my child with me to suicide, still circled around my mind again and again.  I’d told my husband of it, and, he’d blamed me for being too anal.  What’s most impressive was, when I’d told him I’d wanted to get professional medical help, he’d replied, “You should go to Africa instead, fighting to survive there every single day, that’ll keep your mind away from feeling depressed!”

Whether or not it was a joke, I’d still can’t believe, that someone who’d educated as he, a dentist, graduated from a public university, can say something so awful.  And, if my husband, who had medical trainings behaved as such, then, what trials must the other women who are also dealing with postpartum depression be faced with, would they be able to, receive the understandings of their separate families?

Thankfully, I have a supportive group of church friends, they’d helped take care of my child, took me to the free counseling sessions offered by the church; the counselor, after knowing my situation, encouraged me to see a professional.  In the seeing of the psychiatrist, I’d found, that other than the medications, the national health insurances also covered the talk therapy sessions as well.

Through the talking therapy session, I’d slowly felt better, learned to introspect and gotten some techniques to help me get along better with my husband.  From the three to four times fight a day, to one fight every three to four months, and now, we have two babies, and are expecting a third.  My friends joked about how intimate I must be getting with my husband, driving us to have so many children.  Yeah, certainly, compared to the postpartum depression experiences, we are now, interacting, so much better.  Postpartum depression may be a crisis of a marriage, but it can also be a chance, to better your interactions with your partners too.

And so, this woman worked, very hard, to get herself OUT of her own postpartum troubles, and, postpartum depression is still NOT a myth, you LOSERS, it’s real, and so, the next time your separate ladies start showing signs after they gave birth to YOUR young, DO show us some kindness!