Should I Get a Divorce When My Husband Has an Affair?

Marital difficulties here, a Q&A, translated…

Q: L whose marriage is in the MUCK wrote…

Having known her husband for seven years, married for ten, has a daughter and a son, Mrs. L wrote several letters describing how her marriage is sinking: when L was pregnant with her firstborn, her husband became addicted to porn sites, and was about to head off to a motel with an unknown woman, and was stopped dead in his tracks by L.

In the seven years’ time, disregarding L’s words, her husband used the accuse of getting closer to god, became a spokesperson of god, to help others resolve the issues in their lives; and ever since, he’d given less and less time to his families, and, the two of them are slowly drifting apart.

Last November, she’d found out that her husband had an affair with a married female coworker, not only did her husband NOT admit to wrongdoing, instead, he’d blamed her, for not making him happy, causing him to need to find someone else, believed that it was, ALL L’s fault.

During this time, a lot had happened, L told the female coworker’s husband that she was cheating on him, the husband started becoming verbally abusive, and stated that he wanted a divorce; and, L felt, that her husband had become possessed, since he “became” closer to god.

And now what was phasing L was that the in-laws hoped, that they wouldn’t divorce, for the sakes of their young children; but her husband said, that after they’d split, they will each take a child, but, both children wanted to live with L.  Although she has work, however, she’d feared, that after the divorce, her husband won’t pay her alimony, she won’t be able to keep her kids in school, although the counselor had suggested that L gave the custody rights to her husband, but L didn’t want to, and, everything became stagnant.

A My Opinion

I don’t believe, that L really wants a divorce.  In her letter, she talked of how much the Valentine’s Day present her husband gave to her meant so much, that it wasn’t that he went out of his way to buy it, but it was a gift from the company he has business with, and, she is also hesitant, because of the issues of her children.

L can first, think about what’s LEFT in her marriage, half a dinner roll?  Or, just some, breadcrumbs?  Meaning that she needed to figure out, HOW much there is, left in the marriage, WORTH her working hard over?  And, if working hard can really make her marriage improve?  And, what are both of their attitudes?  And their shared beliefs?

Based off of what I’d read, L’s husband is someone who does as he pleases, and, when he’d done wrong, he’d wanted her apologies, and, that, was NOT his first affair either, and clearly, he’d shown, a LACK of self-control, with a total LACK of disrespect for the marriage.  But L must think thoroughly, is she was willing to give her husband another chance?  Or to get divorce, so she could have a brand new life?  If you continue to engage in the silent treatments, you’ll only end up, draining yourselves dry.

And so, for the sakes of her children, and the words of her in-laws, this woman was STUMPED on whether or not she should divorce the husband who cheated on her, and, apparently this woman CARED a LOT about the marriage, and yet, her husband’s behaviors had let her down, time, and time again, and, this, is clear to see, from an outsider’s angle, but, because this woman is involved in the play of things, that, was why she couldn’t see the truth, that, is why she felt troubled…

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Never Saw the Underlining Lies

Never saw the underlining lies, because you don’t want to admit to yourselves, that you were tricked, that you were fooled, that you were, STUPID!

Never saw the underlining lies, but, the rest of the world did, as it (the world???) SCREAMED out that warning so loud toward you, and yet, did you hear?  Not at ALL!  You were, too intoxicated, with those sweet lies he’d fed to you, you were, eating OUT of his two hands…

Never saw the underlining lies, and now, you are, paying for that price, a price, that’s, WAY, WAY, WAY above what you CAN afford, but, you’d played the game, and had, lost, BIG times, and, that, would be the end.

Never saw the underlining lies, how?  They were all, UNDERLINED for you, to get your attention, so, how come you still didn’t pay attention to them, huh?  Are you, STUPID?  Or, are you just, S-T-U-P-I-D!!!  Or, perhaps, losing him was too painful, that, you’d rather live in, those sweet lies, than face up, to the COLD, HARD truth of it all???

Never saw the underlining lies, and now, it’s too late, for you to see them, even IF you want to, you won’t be able to, because, they’d become, NONEXISTENT, in this, MADE-UP, fantasy world of yours, so, keep on, living IN your denials, why don’t ya!

My Boyfriend Wanted to Accompany His Spare Who Was Diagnosed with Cancer, for the Rest of Her Life

Troubles in love here, a Q&A, translated…

Q: Ms. Y wrote…

Ms. Y accidentally found out, that her boyfriend had a spare who was in the terminal stage of cancer, who still treated him real well.  Y confronted her boyfriend, and he’d admitted, that it was originally, just for fun with her, and now, he’d wanted to be a good guy, to accompany beside her, to when she finishes her chemotherapy treatments, and when she’s more stabilized, asked Y to give him more time.  Y didn’t know, if her boyfriend is going to uphold his promise?  Could he manage to, really walk away from her?  She’s now, very confused.

A My Advice

It doesn’t matter who the “spare” is, the truth is that the boyfriend cheated on Y.  Whether it was just for fun, or for real, it’s a question that will come later on, the most important being: the boyfriend HAD cheated on her, and that, IS a FACT.

Then, let’s take a look at what’s happening to the spare.  For the terminal cancer patients, first, they’re looking at lengthening her life for five years; and, anybody could feel pity and compassion to an “opponent” under the conditions.  Whether it’s because the boyfriend is really falling for the spare, or that he felt there to be a moral obligation to be with her, from a rational standpoint, the boyfriend HAD been moved.

After the chemo, the cancer patient has a long way to recovery, and, there might be a miracle too (any normal person would want her to get better, right?), and it may also go the other way.  In other words, Y shouldn’t hope, that the “competition” just dies off quickly (but the truth is that of the two ladies, one must be out of the game, so, it’s possible for a couple to be, Y must feel that sense of guilt, for wanting the “spare” to be eliminated quickly); but from a practical side, Y may not want the other woman to get better (this may be a bit hypocritical), then, what is Y to do?  The worst case scenario is by falling into this HUGE mess that her boyfriend had created for her.

If the spare got better, then, wouldn’t Y have waited dumbly, and wasted a lot of her life away?  If the spare died, then, it would still be hard, for a person who’s alive, to compete with someone who’s dead.  In the man’s mind, he will remember the “spare wheel’s” better days (may feel somewhat sorry too), then, in their daily routines, he would naturally start picking at her.

Plus, men are easily cheating, entirely WITHOUT a CONSCIENCE person, can you believe his lies?

Of course, you can’t, believe in his lies, but, part of you is desperate, to believe, that the reason why he’d stayed close to his spare, because she was diagnosed with cancer, is from the goodness of his heart, yeah right!  It’s just another way a man makes cheating LEGAL is all, so, WAKE up, lady, and DUMP HIS sorry ASS already!

The Truth About Stalking Someone…

NOTE: this, is NOT a “how-to” guide, found on Yahoo!.com…

One in six women will be stalked in her lifetime…

The word, “stalking” had taken on a whole new definition in the cultural lexicon.  It’s the word we increasingly use to describe the garden-variety, 21^st-century voyeurism we partake in everyday — behaviors at which no one bats an eye. “Stalking” a person online before an upcoming date is common, even de rigueur. “Stalking” frenemies we haven’t talked to in years (but still know all about via their Facebook profiles) has basically become a new pastime.

But the truth is, actual stalking is not something to simply brush off, mention in passing or take lightly. It’s very real and very scary — and this era, it’s all too easy to get caught up in a stalker’s snare. In fact, 1 in 6 women and 1 in 14 men will be stalked in their lifetimes.

When looking just at women, 1 in 6 — and that’s a conservative estimate — will be stalked at some point over the course of her life. Using a wider definition, though, involving persistent behaviors that make victims uncomfortable or fearful, that number is closer to 1 in 4 women.

There’s an under-awareness about stalking, says Michelle Garcia, director of the Stalking Resource Center. “Some estimates suggest 7.5 million people are stalked yearly in the United States,” she tells Yahoo Health. “And that’s only adults.”

Stalking behavior isn’t uncommon among high school students — especially cyberstalking, which can be done easily from a distance via publically accessible information online. The behavior is also on the rise among the college set: According to a new study from the Crime Victims’ Institute at Sam Houston State University, almost twice as many college students report being stalked in the past 12 months than those in the general public (4.3 percent versus 2.2 percent). In fact, the Stalking Resource Center reports that half of female victims and one-third of male victims are under the age of 25.

You probably know your stalker.

Stalking is not a random crime. Generally, a stalker is someone the victim knows (or knew) well — often an ex or someone who was (or wishes to be) romantic with the victim. “It’s an intimate partner in about 50 percent of cases,” Garcia says. “In other situations, it’s an acquaintance — it could be a relative, a casual friend, or a person you see at the coffee shop every morning.” The point is, victims are usually familiar with, or at least aware of, the person doing the stalking.

For Katie*, her stalker was a guy from her elementary school. “When he added me on Facebook, I thought nothing of it,” she explains. “He would chat me, usually super-friendly, asking me how my day was, etc. — all was well. He wasn’t someone I would ever consider a romantic relationship with, but he was nice enough and we would talk. I even gave him my number at one point. This was my freshman year of college in 2008.”

But Katie knew something was off. ”He started hurting himself ‘accidentally’ and telling me about it, like slamming his hand through a window on purpose and needing stitches, head injuries, you name it,” she says. “This was the beginning of my fear.”

Indeed, another common characteristic of stalking behavior is that the attention is constant and makes the recipient uncomfortable, no matter who is doing it. The stalkers engage in behaviors that raise that red flags in your gut — incessant texts or messages, random gifts, sudden appearances, or, as in Katie’s case, attention-seeking comments and behaviors.

Intimate partners who are stalkers are also more likely to physically approach their victims and most likely to escalate contact, but progressive behavior can happen to anyone. More than two-thirds of stalkers will reach out to the object of their desire at least once a week, often daily, and 78 percent use multiple forms of communication — from letters, IMs, emails, gift deliveries, phone calls, and showing up unannounced. The stalker’s initial approach may seem harmless or soft, but the motives may not be.

Stalking is usually a slow and steady build.

A pattern of stalking is generally not an immediate, in-your-face realization. Pursuit is often a collection of behaviors that start small but then grow to something bigger, from a few strange emails to excessive, unpredictable, in-person contacts. “One of the biggest challenges with stalking is that individual behaviors are part of a bigger picture when it comes to stalking,” says Garcia. “It’s a progression, and it’s always context dependent. It’s not criminal to call or to send someone flowers.”

What constitutes stalking is not an exact science. For instance, if a boyfriend or a telemarketer calls a few times in a day, most people would generally not consider this bizarre. But if a waiter from a favorite restaurant in town, or an ex dumped six months ago continuously Facebook messages someone, it’s a little different. “It’s a series of events, and it can escalate over time,” Garcia says.

There is more information on this, on Yahoo!.com, feel free to check it out, and, all I’m gonna say about this subject, is that you can NEVER be careful with these kinds of things, and, when the two of you are still experiencing the Honeymoon Phase of your relationship, you have the tendency, to misinterpret the possessiveness that the person you’re dating shows towards you, and that, is why you got yourselves SCREWED, and, by the time you realize it, well, it may damn well be, too late, to break free…so, DO watch out for these signs.

For the Love You’d Lost

For the love you’d lost, there’s NOTHING left that you can do for it, but to M-O-U-R-N, and, DO keep this process short and sweet, ‘cuz life ain’t waitin’ on ya!

For the love you’d lost, and you had lost, a TON of good loves, because of your own carelessness, you’d TRASHED the loves you once had, wasted them all away, and now, none of them wanted to be anywhere N-E-A-R where you are!

For the love you’d lost, there’s NOTHING you can do, but to use that rifle, and put IT out of ITS misery, it’d suffered, for way too long, like that dear old dog you ended up, euthanizing, because you could NO longer bear, see it suffer anymore.

For the love you’d lost, what do you want to do for it? Perform a séance, to help it pass to the Great Beyond?  To let it go, into the nights, peacefully and quickly, to end its sufferings, for once, and for all???

For the love you’d lost, there’s NOTHING you C-A-N do, you’re the one who didn’t take good care of it before, and now it’s gone, you are just beginning to feel sorry, that you’d allowed it to go? Too little, too late for that, don’t you think?

After the Break-Up, He Killed His Ex, and Told Her, “Never Again”

Not a “good” bye at all, I’m afraid, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Hsu, fell in love with a married woman, Wu, the two had been dating for almost two years to date, Wu wanted to break up.  Before Hsu committed the crimes, he’d was asked by the residence of the woman’s building, “Why are you here?”, he’d replied, “I won’t come here again.”

The forty-five year old Hsu is a mechanic, his girlfriend, Wu, who’s three years old works as a salesperson for a technology company, she was married twice, the second husband, just passed away because of cancer on the 22^nd, Wu took care of a pair of middle-school aged twin daughters on her own.

Hsu said, that he’d invested ALL his emotions into Wu, he’d given her $12,000N.T. out of his $30,000N.T. paycheck each and every month, to help her household expenses.  Last year, the two had argued in front of Wu’s daughters, Wu felt it to have been improper, asked him to move out, but, they’d still spent nights at one another’s place from time to time.

Hsu claimed, that Wu has a ton of male friends, and would often hang out with her friends, and he suspected that she was unfaithful toward him; awhile ago, Wu told him, “We’re over”, that, was what made him decide to kill her.  But, Wu’s neighbors said, that Hsu is an alcoholic, and would often get into fights in the community with Wu, and got too loud, forced the neighbors to call the police, it’d made the other residents headachy.

Two nights ago, at around seven, before Wu went out to work, Hsu waited for her at the basement, saw Wu walked out of the elevator, he’d hacked her chest, her abdomen nonstop, Wu fell to the ground, and, there was blood everywhere.  Hsu claimed that he’d only hacked her four times, but, the police found six to eight knife wounds on her.

After Hsu assassinated Wu, he’d tossed the knife in the corner next to the elevator and left by foot, he claimed, that he wanted to kill himself then, but he didn’t have the knife anymore, after wandering in the parks, he’d turned himself in at the Sanming Subprecinct at three in the morning yesterday.

And so, this, is how love CAN kill, because she wanted to break up with him, and he wasn’t willing, because he felt that he wasn’t done with her yet, and that, was his primary motive for murder.

Can’t Put His Ex Out of His Mind

Can’t get his ex out of his mind, NO wonder his current feels bad, and it is understandable too, from BOTH sides here, translated…

Chih is a middle school instructor, she’s around age forty, but because she’s sweet looking and kept herself well, it’s HARD to know her age by looking at her.  She didn’t want to get married from before, but, with the coming of age, she’d wanted a partner, and everybody in her family supports her on it.

Through the introduction of friends and family, she’d met Ming who’d lost his wife, the two of them hit it off like old friends, and they’d had similar interests too.  Everybody is happy to see them out dating, and, after they’d dated for a year’s time, we’d all thought that they’re going to get married.

One day, Chih’s older sister asked her when she’s getting married?  Chih told her that she’s going to stall on the idea.  The older sister was surprised and asked her why?  Chih said, because every time she’s with Ming, he’d commented to her, “You look so much like my former wife, even your voice, and the way you’d smiled, it’s exactly identical to her.”  It’d displeased Chih.

Especially when they’d gone out to dine at the restaurant, Ming would order items that his former wife enjoyed; everywhere he’d gone, he’d talked of the days that he and his former wife had shared, totally disregarded Chih’s feelings, like she’s only a replacement for his former wife.

After hearing Chih’s complaints, her older sister never PUSHED her to get married again.

And so, apparently, this man still had YET to get OVER his lost wife, and, because the woman he was dating reminded him of his former wife a lot, that, is why he kept talking about his deceased wife with his new love, and that would totally TICK off a woman, after all, NONE of us want to be anybody ELSE’s replacements here, do we now???  Nope!!!