Category Archives: Dependency

I Need You…

I need you, I’m desperate here, won’t you, help me out, come, to my aid, rescue me???

I need you, uh, that’s, nice, but, I don’t, have any need, for anything (instead of anyone, ‘cuz of the “downgrade”???) like you, and beside, nobody was EVER there for me when I needed someone to help me out, so, why the !@#$ (maxed out???) do I need to, be there for you right now, huh?

not an order like this…查看來源圖片image from online

I need you, but I sure as hell don’t, the only one I’ll ever need, is me, and I got me all right!!!  I need you, why?  ‘Cuz, you’re, supposed to, love me, for rich or for poor, in sickness & in health, ‘til death!  And, you can’t, break that promise you’d made to me!!!  Why not?  ‘Cuz you say so???  That’s NOT REASON enough, not for me!!!

So, this ends in then?  Let’s not have this god DAMN !@#$ING (maxed out???) discussion EVER again.

but more like, this, I suppose…查看來源圖片image from online

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Codependence, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dependency, Excuses, Loss, Vicious Cycle

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!










Filed under Codependence, Dependency, Despair, Enmeshment, Life, Loss, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Fate of a Woman, Wake Up Calls

Slipped a Date Rape Drug to a Married Woman, Used Illegal Substances to Control Her, to Force Her to Sell

From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Liang was accused of using ketamine, date raped a female coworker, and afterwards, forced her to continue to have sex with him, using the sex footage he’d kept the very first time, and he’d used drugs, to force the woman to leave her home, to get sold; after the police were told, they’d chased the leads on Liang for about six months, and, two days ago, they’d found his hiding place, and arrested him on charges of human trafficking, drug possessions, forced sexual acts, along with other charges too.

Liang claimed that his coworker was libeling against him, that it’d never happened; the Shihlin District Attorney’s Office believed, that Liang is a primary suspect, and runs the risks of destroying the evidences, and going back to his old ways, the courts believed, that Liang’s cell phone was already turned in, and that it’s still not yet certain, if the woman who’d turned herself in, was really actually controlled by drugs by Liang, set his bail at $50,000N.T.s.  The D.A. wanted to overturn the ruling on his bail hearing; the police will also be more prone in patrolling, to keep the woman safe.

The victim woman accused, that two years ago, in February, Liang asked her out, wanted to ask her about how to pursue another female coworker, but, she’d gotten drunk, and Liang gave her ketamine to smoke, and took her to his car, and when she was in a daze, raped her; later on, Liang had threatened her, continually, using the sex tape footages, and flashed a gun, saying that he will do something awful to her families, forced her to have sex with him over twenty times.

Last January, Liang threatened her to leave home, rented a suite in the metropolitan area of Keelung, to force her to sell for sex, and, all of her johns are all Liang’s friends; she’d said, every time, Liang would ask his friends for $5,000N.T., but she never got a cent from it, Liang would only give her ketamine and amphetamine to use.  She’d stated, that because she’d been hooked, she’d seen customers over ten times a month, that last year, when her husband sued Liang for obstructions of family, that, was when she’d finally been allowed home.

She’d pointed out, that after she got home, she didn’t DARE tell her husband about what Liang forced her to do, until last August, when Liang asked her out again, gotten her high, and raped her again, as she’d returned home, she was in a daze, her husband asked her about it, that, was when she’d told him what Liang did to her, and the husband immediately called the police.

And this, is how easily, someone CAN and WILL get sold, a little date rape drug, some illegal substances, and, threatening someone’s families, and that, is all it takes, and, because the victims are usually too scared to say, that, is why these perps will keep on, taking advantage, but, gladly, this woman’s husband helped save her from this LOSER!

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Filed under Cost of Living, Dependency, Messed Up Values, Observations, Sex Sells, Sexual Assaults, Sexual Misconducts, Slaps on the Wrist, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Solicitations, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

When Your Only Hobby is Work

Time to confess, and so, here it is: the CONFESSIONS of a WORK-A-HOLIC!!!

When your only hobby is work, then, the entertainment values of your lives will hit the trash dumps, and, you will stop, enjoy that things that you used to enjoy doing, which is work soon enough.

When your only hobby is work, there’s NO way, to escape, because, work is now, plaguing your thoughts, even when you’re NOT there, your thoughts keep circling around work, and, you can’t even pay enough attention, to what you’re currently doing, IF it’s not work-related.

When your only hobby is work, look on the bright side, at least, you’d still have that, right?  But, eventually, work will become a total drag, and a bore to you, and, you’d lost, the ONLY thing you ever really thought to enjoy.

When your only hobby is work, then, I am so sorry, because, you will NEVER, break from that vicious cycle.  When your only hobby is work, what are your goals from work?  And the purpose of your work is?  When you can finally answer that, then, you can, make your appointment with the “counselor”, because, you’d be better prepared, to get off, that ADDICTION train then.

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Filed under Cost of Living, Dependency, Excuses, Expectations, Life, Socialization, Vicious Cycle

Letting Your Mind Go Offline, by T. Brady

We ALL need some time, to DISCONNECT from the web, especially at this day and age…

We all need to take a break from our screens, and not just to rest our eyes.  The downtime lets us get a little creative thinking done.

Executives’ toys that live on a desk to be played with, some say, are a productive distraction: Magic 8 Balls with cryptic messages; Zen gardens with the little rakes; Newton’s Cradle, the dangling metal balls that knock against one another, the ends flying to demonstrate Newton’s law of the conservation of momentum.

Such objects provoke dialogue and relieve stress, says Adrienne Appel of the Toy Industry Association, and are useful in the digital age.

“With today’s extended work hours, multiple screens and multiple devices, it’s even more important for people to step back and take that moment to de-stress,” she told The Times.

Scott G. Eberle, vice president for play studies at the Strong museum in Rochester, New York, said desktop toys can induce a meditative state.  Mr. Eberle has written on subjects like day-dreaming, and he sees creative value in objects like Newton’s Cradle.  Watching them can create a sense of detachment.

“Ideally, you need to move yourself into a state where your mind is offline,” he said, adding that lava lamps and fish tanks work as well.

Since much of our public space is being filled by the advertisers, Matthew B. Crawford reported in The Times, it’s harder and harder to get offline.

“In the process, we’ve sacrificed silence—the condition of not being addressed,” Mr. Crawford wrote.  “And just as clean air makes it possible to breathe, silence makes it possible to think.”

He noticed that the trays used to place items for X-ray screening at airports are now covered with advertisements, and he was jarred by the sight of all the lipstick colors offered by L’Oreal when he put a memory stick in the tray.

This noise blocks out the silent moments we used to savor when traveling, which contribute to the creativity and innovation, Mr. Crawford argued.  Silence is now marketed as a luxury good.

“In the business-class lounge at Charles de Gaulle Airport, I heard only the occasional tinkling of a spoon against china,” he wrote.  “I saw no advertisements on the walls.  This silence, more than any other feature, is what makes it feel genuinely luxurious.”

His neck muscles relaxed, and he felt revived, after just twenty minutes.

These days we don’t have much chance to relax, Teddy Wayne wrote in The Times, because of ICYMI (In case you missed it.)

Twitter and online alerts appear every few seconds to bring links to the attention of those who may have missed them.  The news industry is publishing stories twenty-four hours a day, entire seasons of TV shows are released at once and most movies are available at any time.

It’s impossible to keep up.  But it’s also possible to access any of these things at any time “so there is no excuse for missing one—and, therefore, a more urgent compulsion to catch up,” Mr. Wayne wrote, “in case you missed it.”

Manoush Zomorodi, the host of a New York radio show called New Tech City, which examines how technology affect our lives, complains she hasn’t been bored in seven years.

She traces it to her first iPhone in 2007, Ms. Zomorodi, 41, started a project called “Bored and Brilliant,” which asked participants to avoid their devices and embrace idleness, hoping the wandering of mind is a more creative one.

Of course there is an app for it.  “We’re trying to embrace the ridiculousness of it”, she told The Times.

So, looks like we’re ALL kidnapped by these modern day inventions, huh?  Because we feel this need to stay connected (it’s still the individual’s problem if you ask me!), and so, we’re, tuned into whatever everybody else is doing, and thus, we find ourselves in the midst of this information overload, and, we wanted to unplug, but, how can we, we’d become reliant on these systems, these modern day technologies, and, it’s still due to the lack of control that people have over themselves, if you ask me, but hey, WHO asked Y-O-U again???  EXACTLY!

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Filed under Addiction to High-Tech Devices& the WWW, Awareness, Connections, Cost of Living, Dependency, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Life, Messed Up Values, Socialization, Vicious Cycle

Caring for My Demented Mother, Accompanying Her Every Single Day, Making Her Laugh

Accompaniment became the MOST important thing at this stage in life, translated…

My mother had been diagnosed with dementia for almost a decade now, in these over 3,000 days, I saw my mother go from a well and able-bodied bank teller, and deteriorated into an infant that needed help in everything, all the changes big and small was like the movie “I Miss Myself”.

About a decade ago, when my mother started showing signs of forgetfulness, repeated certain behaviors, I’d taken her to the doctors, after a series of tests, we got the confirmation, that it was, Alzheimer’s, thus, began, a very long journey to taking care of her.

From the medical volumes I’d understood: that dementia is an incurable condition, you can only do all you can, to delay the progressions of deterioration, and so, at the beginning, I kept using things that my mother was familiar with, to help steady her memories, recalled the scenes in the photographs, had her recognize the individuals, and the mindset of her in the pictures, or the use of abacus, to have her do simple addition and subtraction problems………etc.  Seeing how much fun my mother was having, I’d felt very achieved as well.

But slowly, my mother could no longer handle the small matters of life, in order to accompany her without any distractions, I’d quit my teaching job, and took strolls with her on a daily basis, took her to eat her favorite foods.  At which time, my mother’s mindset became like a child’s, and so, I’d taken her to the parks, so she could play with the children there, seeing how naïve my mother looked, I’d prayed: do let the illness progress NO further.

But, my mother still slowly deteriorated away, to the point that she needed professional care, and so, I’d had to put her into a home, and I’d still gone to visit her every single day, entertained her, made her laugh.

All the way, accompanying my mother through her dementia, I’d understood a lot of things.  From this, I’d also realized, that: taking care of the demented elderly, you can’t rely on the medications solely, accompanying them is even MORE important.

This, is from the experiences of a caretaker of a demented elderly person, and she is right too, on that you need to accompany your demented parents more, and, take them out a lot, to get them into newer environments, to help slow down the progression of deterioration, but here comes the problem: at this day and age, we all got things to do, we’re all busy, making ENDS meet, where do we find the time, to watch over our own demented, elderly parents for 24/7?  We can’t, can we?  Which, is why we’re hiring all those foreign hired helpers to do OUR jobs for us!

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Filed under Awareness, Choices, Connections, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Dependency, Expectations, Issues of the Society, Lessons, Life, Observations, Old Age, Perspectives, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Socialization, White Picket Fence

The Depth of Love Between Sisters-in-Law


I’d carelessly heard Mei-Ching who was single stated in the phones, “I’ll be home late, you head to bed early.”  Out of curiosity, I’d asked, “who are you talking to?”, she’d told me it was her older sister-in-law.

“How did you end up sharing a room with your sister-in-law?”, I’d spoken.

Mei-Ching said, “Over a decade ago, my older brother fell in love with another, left home without a word, abandoned his two young kids, and my sister-in-law.  My sister-in-law couldn’t deal with this sudden onset of his betrayal, would often become hysterical, started screaming, crying, especially in the night time, she’d become even more emotionally unstable.  Even though I’m so much younger than she is, but, as a woman, I knew how she felt.  And so, I’d make a cup of tea, or make some juice for her, and, the two of us started holding conversations in her bedroom.  When we got tired, I’d put my sister-in-law to bed like a mother would her child, and I’d stayed close by her side too.  later on I’d discovered, that maybe it’s how she’d gotten an outlet for her emotions, plus I was accompanying her, she’d become much calmer now; and I’d enjoyed sharing the ins and outs of my days with her, and so, we’d gotten used to, bunking together.”

Mei-Ching used her empathy, understood the hardship and pains of her sister-in-law; and, she’d felt Mei-Ching’s kindness toward her, treated her like a sister too.  This sort of a close bond between sisters-in-law, it became a good topic we carried on in conversations.

And so, this woman became her ex-sister-in-law’s shoulder to cry on, because her older brother was irresponsible, and, they’d become companions, as the sister-in-law became reliant on her emotionally, and, she’d enjoyed sharing the ins and outs of her life during the day time with her sister-in-law, and so, this had become, a symbiotic interaction.

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Filed under Dependency, Despair, Family Matters, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Interpersonal Relations, Letting Go, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Displeased at How His Wife Left Him On His Birthday, His Birthday Became His Date of Death

From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A janitor, Huang had not gotten along with his wife for a long time, he was displeased at how his wife took his four kids and went back to her parents’ house on the eve of his birthday, he’d burned charcoal at their rental place.  And because Huang’s friends couldn’t find him, and found a note, “Farewell” on his Facebook, they’d asked Huang’s wife to go home to check up on him, and that, was when the family realized that he’d committed suicide, “his birthday became his date of untimely demise”.  The wife cried as she’d told, “I too, was beaten by him so I ran off!”

Huang (age 40), had been married to his wife for many years, the eldest son is in his first year of high school, the youngest daughter just entered elementary school, the neighbors sighed, “He’d left his four kids behind, what’s going to happen to them?”

The family of six rented their home in Gongguan, and they’d lived off of Huang’s wages as a janitor.  In these couple of years, because of the differences of opinion, the couple would often get into fist fights.  Last Friday, Huang’s wife got beaten up so badly, that she’d gone to the VMH in Taipei; the hospital suspected that there was abuse, and called the domestic violence prevention hotlines.

The wife couldn’t handle getting beaten up, two days ago, she’d left with her four kids to her own mother’s house, but yesterday was Huang’s birthday, and his family is all away, he’d left the messages “My birthday is on the 20th”, and “Farewell”.

Yesterday, Huang’s friends wanted to find him, dialed up his cell phone, but nobody picked up, told his wife, “go home and check on him”, as the family returned home, they saw him, burned charcoal.  As the fire department, and the police came, lividity had already set in, he’d died for a long time.  The police cased the scene, Huang had burned the charcoal with an offering urn, and shoved towels under the doors, and that there was NO outside forces that could have caused his death.

The neighbors said, that the couple would often get into fist fights, and either that the wife is hospitalized for it, or it was the husband, and the kids would often scream, “Mom, don’t fight with dad anymore”; a couple of days ago, Huang wheeled a bunch of things across the streets, and he “didn’t look happy at all”.

And so, that, would be a way that a man TRIES to make his wife regret, and yeah, maybe the wife will blame herself, for a while, but, after awhile, she will eventually let go, because it was NOT her fault, and that still just shows how irresponsible this man was, leaving behind his family…

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Filed under Abuse, Abuse of Power, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dependency, Despair, Loss, News Stories, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Suicides

Thoughts of an Addict

Here Comes Another “Round” of Abuse…

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Filed under Abuse, Abusing Someone's Trust, Addiction, Adult Children, Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Because of Love, Betrayals, Children in Mindset, Codependence, Dependency, Despair, Enmeshment, Issues of the Society, Life, Obstacles in a Relationship, Overbearing Parents, Overinvolvements of Parents, Parent-Child Interactions, Properties of Life, Pursuits of Pointless Things, Rationalization, Self-Deceptions, Socialization, Spoiled Rotten, Spoiling Children, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

Effects of Social Media on Marriage

I still MUST reiterate, just because two factors appeared together, doesn’t mean that A causes B or vice versa, from the Houston Chronicles, written by: H. Alexander…

Love and marriage may go together but so do Facebook and divorce, that’s according to a study based on Texas couples.

The University of Boston analyzed figures from a University of Texas survey.  1,160 married couples aged 18-39 were polled with questions designed to measure the quality of their romantic relationships.

Researchers noticed that the more the spouses used social media, the more likely they were to say they thought about the Big D, and we don’t mean Dallas.

To conduct their study, the team first looked at data from married individuals collected between 2008 and 2010, according to Boston University. They compared divorce rates across 43 states with Facebook penetration—the number of Facebook accounts in each state—divided by the total population.

They found that a 20 percent increase in Facebook users in a state could be linked to a 2.18 percent growth in the divorce rate.

The Texas numbers specifically showed that in non social media couples just 16 percent contemplated divorce.  In couples that used social media that number was up to 32 percent.

“The apparent association between the use of Facebook and other social networking sites and divorce and marital unhappiness in the United States raises troubling questions not only about how we use these tools, but how their use affects marriage,” said James E. Katz, Professor of Emerging Media Studies at Boston University.

“The institution of marriage, already under siege in many quarters, seems to be facing yet further assault from people’s growing enthrallment with social media.” Katz said.

Researchers admit their findings are merely a correlation at this point with no element of causation actually proven (it could just be that the only people not on Facebook are in their 90s and too far along in their marriage to think about divorce now) but the authors say it is definitely time to take stock of our social media usage.

Or we could find ourselves having to update our relationship status some time soon.

And, upon reading this, ladies and dudes, don’t go hurrying to DELETE your Facebook accounts, because we still have to take into consideration the samples that the study used, and if there are racial differences, or if it’s only in a certain race, and NOT all the races out there, and so, there’s still a LOT of issues still waiting to get figured out from this study, but this supports the statement of “the MORE friends you have on Facebook, the LESS friends you have face-to-face”, and this should be generalized to EVERY single friendship network accounts, NOT just Facebook, because the more time you’d spent, interacting with those “friends” online, you’d have less and less time to spare for those around you, like the people who are close to you, those with whom you interact face-to-face with???  Yeah.


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Filed under Addiction to High-Tech Devices& the WWW, Dependency, Facebook, Life, Marriages, Trends