Category Archives: From a “Victim” to a “Survivor”

Raped, by the Silences…

We are raped, by the silences, because, we’re, afraid to tell anybody what had, happened to us, because, if we tell our truths, the outside world will only, ostracize us more, saying, that it’s our fault, that we shouldn’t have, behaved too provocatively in front of that man, that we were, just, asking for it, therefore, we’d, kept our silences.

what we were…picture found online…查看來源圖片

Raped, by the silences, we were, because, we’re, too afraid to talk, too afraid for our lives, as well as the lives of, those we loved and cared about, and, can’t even begin to imagine the shame they will feel, if our stories, busted out into the open!

Raped, by the silences, there’s, no way this will, ever come to an end, because, those predators are still, lurking, waiting, for their chances to, attack, and even though, we only come out, during the daytime, sometimes, it feels, like nights…

Raped, by the silences, we were, we were all, victims before, but, I’d, managed to, turn myself, into a god DAMN survivor here, I will, NEVER be quieted, be silenced again!!! what we are now…

what we have the potentials of becoming…picture found online

Raped, by the silences, there’s, nothing we can do, to change the past, change what’s already been done to us (and no, we NEVER enjoyed it!!!).  Raped, by the silences, no we don’t, keep our lips sealed, because what was shameful, wasn’t US, it was, what was, done to us!

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Basic Human Rights, Being Exposed, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Lessons, Life, Overcoming Obstacles, Rapes, Sexual Assaults, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

Risen from the Ashes

Like a phoenix, we had, risen from the ashes, but, say that we weren’t scorched from before would be a total L-I-E!!!  Risen from the ashes, you must, otherwise, you’ll just be mistook for those dusts that gathered around the house, that someone will eventually get around to wiping off…

Risen from the ashes, it won’t be easy, after all, getting burned is still the easiest part, now comes the hard part, building everything back up, with nothing provided to you, because everything you’d taken to be familiar, had all become, ashes.

Risen from the ashes, you will, you MUST, otherwise, you will, be gone, and, you don’t want that, do you???  Risen from the ashes, we will all get, at least, ONE chance in our lives to do so, but, some of us were able to, and not others, why is that??? Risen from the ashes, I had, and, I got burned too, and yet, I’m still in one piece here, and, I guarantee that this process would be extremely hard, but, once you’d done it, once you’d conquered all the difficulties of your own lives, I promise you, that you will, see that big blue sky, opening wide for you!

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Wear Tragedies Like Armor

On Overcoming Obstacles in Life

no longer silenced movement

work hard     While everybody has experienced at least one form of tragedy, none of us experience the same tragedy. Everyone who was abused as a child has their own story, feels their own way, copes their own way, and experiences pain in their own way.

Your story can seem so similar to the person next to you, and you can tell them you understand, but unless you’re them, you can’t assume you understand exactly what it is that they’re going through.

One thing, every child abuse survivor shares, is the need to cope, the need to not just survive, but the ability to thrive. You cannot get back the childhood that’s robbed from you, that every survivor shares too, but you can live your life in such a way, that you love it enough to make up for it. Whatever you wanted to do as a child, a sport, play an…

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The Author of The Vagina Monologues Came to Taiwan to Speak Up Against Sexual Violence

The tale of a survivor, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The sixty-one year old Ensler, back in 1994, wrote the Vagina Monologues, Eve ENsler, she’d talked about the cultural differences, the age, along with sexual preferences, and the views on the woman’s vagina, and it’d spoken of the desires of women, the shame and being raped, she’d won the highest award in drama, the Tony Award.

In 1998, she set up V-day, and put forth the Vagina Monologues, and used fifty lanagues, and toured around 167 nations, and managed to raise billions of dollars to prevent violence, and was chosen as the “100 Most Influential Women of the World” by Newsweek, and “150 Women who Changed the World”, by a British periodical publication.

“Some would comment on my greatness, so I could do so much, but I’d told them, that I’d turned these movements into my strength, into my nutrition for life, they’re better than chocolate.”  Ensler spoke truthfully, she was raised in a very violent home, after she was raped by her father, she felt dirty, awful for a very long time, and had even started, mutilating herself.  After the women’s movements got started in the ‘60s and ‘70s, Ensler who saw herself as a feminist, immediately got involved with the cause, and started writing scripts.  On an interview, the audience who are facing menopause had nothing but negative things to say about their vaginas, she was shocked at women’s attitude toward their bodies.  She’d started interviewing people, for more stories, and it’d allowed the taboo word of “vagina”, to become, the star of her show, and she’d gotten involved personally, in setting up the Broadway productions of her book.

Ensler said, that she’d found that a lot of women of many nations believed that being the victims of rapes is shameful, and that, was why they’d kept silent, but, keeping silence only makes matters worse.  Awhile ago, she’d met a female leader in the Philippines, said that she too, found her strength through the misfortunes of her life, “a lot of the revolutionists faced pains and difficulties, but if you can get through it, then you can gain energies from the experiences, start to metamorphose, pain will become the driving force for changing the world”.

So, this woman overcome her childhood abuse, and is now, speaking up and out, to help others who’d been through similar things, and she is very brave, for doing what she does.

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Spinning

Still in the PTSD cycle here, but surely, getting closer to healing every single day…

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Healing Process, Life, Turning One's Life Around, Vicious Cycle

Raised by Your Abuse & Her Neglect

I was, raised by your abuse and her neglect, and, I was hurt a lot as a child, just as you were too, and yet, you weren’t wise enough, to KNOW how to treat me right! Are you FUCKING retarded???

Raised by your abuse and her neglect, and look how well I’d done, growin’ up. Raised by your abuse and her neglect, I would’ve hoped for better parents growing up, but seeing how NOBODY gets the first selection of who they were born to…

Raised by your abuse and her neglect, and now, I’m all grown up, and, I will N-E-V-E-R, EVER, EVER, E-V-E-R, allow this pain, this betrayal I’d experienced, to get passed down, to this next generation in MY freakin’ god DAMN bloodline legacy.

Raised by your abuse and her neglect, how could you? Abuse and neglect your own offspring, and call it love?  And, just because you never had the good kinds of parents who loved you unconditionally, doesn’t give you the R-I-G-H-T, to NOT love me unconditionally too, does it?  Of course N-O-T, because RIGHT, is R-I-G-H-T, and WRONG, is W-R-O-N-G!

Raised by your abuse and her neglect, I will N-E-V-E-R, hurt my own, as you’d done yours, and now, you will face, a future, filled with regrets, and you WILL be paying, dearly, for your mistakes, with both your lives, along with the lives of the ones you loved, and cared about, and that, is still??? Oh yeah, NOT my P-R-O-B-L-E-M, because it’s NOT in my B-A-C-K-Y-A-R-D???  Uh, D-U-H!!!

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Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

From a victim to a survivor here, translated…

When I heard people tell me, “On the fact that B had died, we really don’t know how to make you feel better, so, that, was why we didn’t call.”, on the other end of the line, A started crying hard.

A is a hard working career woman, not only was she able to keep herself well economically, she’d also supplied more than her share of the household income. But, underneath her amazing work abilities, A had the life of an abused woman—after getting beaten by the husband, she’d reported it to the police, gone to the hospitals to get her wounds documented, left home, to get started on healing, later on, she fell into the soft words of B’s consoles to get home again.  Year after year, this was the same script that kept happening, again, and again, it’d made ALL who really actually tried to help A out feel helpless, like it wouldn’t be right, for them not to offer assistance, but, they can’t really help her out, because she keeps circling around in that same vicious cycle.

One time, we’d learned that A moved back in, I’d immediately called her up, to get her to move back out, told her, that IF she couldn’t make her mind up about leaving home, then, B may not do as they’d both agreed, go to the hospitals regularly to get checked, and the kids that grew up in this violent environment, it would be hard, for them to develop well psychologically. And still, the feelings still overcame A’s rationalism, in the end, she’d chosen to stay at home, with her abusive husband, and B, refused to check herself into the hospitals.

And, this only exacerbated, several years later, one day, A’s mother just so happened heard the rumors floating around A’s neighborhood, “We’d often heard a household getting too rowdy, followed by a woman’s crying.” She shocking realized, that the woman that the neighbors heard crying might be her baby girl.  She did some checking into it, and, it WAS her daughter, and so, the mother took her baby girl out of her abusive home.  A, who’d finally had enough of being abused regularly, finally made up her mind, never to return home again, and so, ever since, the status of A and B’s marriage became “separated”.

The days of being abused is just way too scary, A and the kids now lived independently and steadily, from day to day, with NO contact with B whatsoever. A short while ago, B who has NOBODY next to him died all of a sudden.  When A and the kids went to pick up the house, she’d found, that as her husband was starting to live alone, he’d started to change, had prepared for the children’s education and everything, and still, he’s already gone, and, no matter how much he’d saved up, it’s not going to be enough, to make up for that emptiness he’d left in them.

Had A been more stubborn on leaving, and never returning back home again, and break the vicious cycle of domestic violence earlier, maybe, it would’ve all ended differently. To every abused woman, leaving the home, making changes is never an easy choice, and yet, if you’re able to set up your minds, and end this vicious cycle, there’s still a good chance that you can rebuild your families again.

This, is still ALL in H-I-N-D-S-I-G-H-T, and, there’s a ton of “had…only…” involved in this “equation”, and, it is hard, for someone who’s been abused LONG term, to finally SNAP out of it, and, when this woman finally decided to make the changes, everything starts improving, but for this loser who’d abused her, his change came a bit too late.

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Getting Away from Being a Victim of Abuse, She Started Holding the Director’s Board and Became a Director of Documentaries

The story of an amazing survivor, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Vietnamese documentary director, Jing-Hong Yuan, married a Taiwanese man, but was abused, after a period of pain, she’d divorced the man, took her daughter, and started working as a volunteer.  Later, she’d met her current husband-the documentary director, Chong-Long Tsai, she’d started taking up photography, and started going behind the cameras, and filmed the stories of her Vietnamese sisters too, and, her films showed the adaptations, the hardships the newly migrated immigrants go through, and she became the first female immigrant director.

Yuan recalled how when she first got divorced, she took her daughter, without anybody to help her out, and, as she hunted for a job, she’d endured through a TON of discriminations.  She was very persistent, worked hard, to prove her own worth to the outside world, other than her regular job, she’d also worked as a volunteer, helped those who were troubled like she once was, her sisters.

Later, she’d met up with Tsai, and, in his encouraging her to, she’d picked up the cameras, at first, she’d taken shots all around, aimlessly.  Back then, one of her close girlfriends was in a jam, and, it gave her a goal, she started filming the stories of her Vietnamese sisters, and completed the documentary, “On the way to losing a marriage”.

Other than filming documentaries, Yuan also taught Vietnamese to children in elementary schools in Chiayi, even, for the sake of encouraging the kids to take up their mother’s tongues, she’d put up the time after school, and lectured at various schools, on her story, shared her experiences with the children from migrated workers.

She and her sisters from local Chiayi formed a supportive network, offered assistance to the community, along with those migrated workers just like her, without the assistance from the local governments, she’d raised the funds herself, even though, this, was not at all easy, but, she’s enjoying her work.

Even though, Yuan was busy working, in order to not make her daughter feel estranged about her culture and language, she’d still managed to find the time, to teach her child Vietnamese, and, at home, the two of them would communicate using the mother tongue, and, writing, reading, speaking in Vietnamese is no trouble for her daughter at all.

Yuan had been the silent supporter of the educational development of the Vietnamese language, hoped that she could give back to her own country, using what she has herself one day.

Yuan actively taught her own daughter to speak Vietnamese, other than adding to the competitive edge of her child, she’d hoped, that one day, her daughter can return to Vietnam, and help with the development of education locally.

And so, because this woman was discriminated against, that, was the primary driving force, for her to usher the education of her mother tongue, and she hoped that her own offspring can return back to where she came from, and help the locals there, and this, is a very strong woman, after she’d gone through being abused, and she still turned the hurt, into her strength.

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Getting Out of the Mindset of Being Bullied in the Workforce, Working Hard to Conquer the Traumas

Bullying NO longer just occurred across the playgrounds on the schools anymore, it’s happening, in the WORKPLACE too, by A-D-U-L-T-S, if you can believe that!!!  Translated…

Because I was singled out and bullied by a former coworker, I’d left, in a hurry, from the construction agency that a relative had set up.

I’d thought originally that “after I left, I’ll feel better”, but the truth isn’t at all so.  When the night falls, I’d feel this uncalled for sadness and sorrow, rushing up, and my tears came from what seemed like a broken faucet.

I’d lost sleep every single night, but because I’d worked so hard, to hold back my tears, I didn’t make a single sound, even my husband who was sleeping next to me didn’t know.  I’d desperately wanted to break free from the tight grasp of my own sorrows, but I’d found myself to be so helpless.

If that wasn’t bad enough, two years later, I still have yet to walk out of the gloom, and I’d discovered, that there was a cyst inside of my uterus that’s eight centimeters large.  Back then, a TON of negative thoughts filled my head, I thought that the cyst was malignant, and that I was about to die.

But gladly, it wasn’t malignant, and, after the doctors confirmed this, a series of changes took place in me.

I’d started donating regularly to charitable purposes, because I wanted to put the thought of “helping others makes me happy” into practice, on the one hand, I could help others, on the other, I’m giving myself good karma.

My younger brother who worked in Shanghai, would sent me photographs of beautiful sceneries, along with jokes to share with me, my older sister helped me find a job, to help me pass the time and to increase my household income, to draw me out of this dark cloud I was under.

A few years ago, I’d started writing stories, and sending it in, and my stories were accepted and printed by the papers, and it’d given me another sort of bliss.

Last year, a relative had passed on, I’d gone to offer incense as a final respect, and met up with my coworker, from fifteen years back.  And even though it’s been fifteen years already, my heart still ached.

Afterwards, for the very first time, I’d told my husband about the bullying I’d endured through right before I quitted my job back then, and, thanks to his kindness, his love, and his empathy, it’d allowed me to examine how I truly felt after I’d talked about the events completely, and gave me a chance, to reexamine my wounds from back then.

I know, I will NOT be beaten, so long as I keep on working at it, I WILL win this battle completely, and I will live a more amazing life, and I will laugh even harder.

And so, you’d slowly, and FINALLY, gotten OUT of the gloom, because you have a support network, with your husband by your side, to offer you a helping ear, and sometimes, that, is all it takes, to have someone there, hearing your story, and after you’d told it aloud, you will feel a WHOLE lot better, and the reason why you couldn’t feel that light was because you’d NEVER had the chance of telling what happened to you aloud, and now that you had, you no longer needed to carry the burdens of your past.

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No Longer Silenced

No longer silenced, is the voices that I hear, they’d grown so FUCKING loud, and they’d kept me up, for nights, and nights on end.  I’d worked real hard, to ignore their pains, their sufferings, their anguished voices, but, in the end, they’d gotten so god DAMN loud that I can NO longer tune them out, so I’d started listening.

No longer silenced, I will NOT be gagged, E-V-E-R, because I’d found MY voice, and, I’m using it to B-I-T-C-H (and that, is still what I’m currently doing, in case you all were wonderin’…).

No longer silenced, because a child had been sacrificed, and, after that child was put up there, on the ALTAR, and offered to the whatever, as the fire got to her feet, she’d cried out in fear, but, all the onlookers just looked, waiting for one another to do something (here comes the bystander effect, AND the diffusion of responsibility!), and, as the crowd gathered up, NO one feels compelled to take any actions, to help save this child, as that next dude or dudette right next to me will do it!

No longer silenced, because I’d remained wordless LONG enough, and, the sufferings I’d felt, are too real, too painful to keep ALL to myself, and, it’d become sickening to my body, I MUST let them all out, so, there you have it.  Everything IS O-U-T, in the open now!!!

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