The Positive and Negative Outlooks for Growing Older

Aging positively or aging negatively, it’s all, in our, attitudes, how we interpret things of our own, pasts, do we focus more on the better, or the worse days, and that will be, the determinant, of how GOOD our old age is!  Translated…

A life of noting and knowing the tracks of, time, we all have different attitudes, for some, the older they grow, the wider the world, becomes, and yet, for some, the path they walked, became, narrower, and narrower, with every step they, took.

with the social supports of the people in your age group…photo from online

A good friend of my mother’s, is in her nineties, with many grandchildren and children, who are all very established in their work individually; she’s affluent, with good health, she’s what everybody envied as “the success group member”.  But she’s always hung on the displeasures of her pasts, and would go into details, in retelling those times that’s made her upset, of how someone some day, said something bad about her, how someone had, wronged her, who’d treated her bad…..the more she got into it the angrier she’d, turned and on how her dead husband had cheated on her, she would grow ever the more, emotional.

And, everybody would try and console with her, that she’s more blessed than everybody else around her, to NOT let those things unworthy of her remembering, trouble her, and she’d, nodded and agreed, and yet, shortly after that, she’d started, recounting all the upsets of her, past days again, and everybody around her is at wit’s end to try to get her to feel better, so, to the end, people who used to visit her often, stopped, visiting.

And now, looking at my aunt in her eighties, she’s so passionate about her life, and, loved recalling how more than a decade ago, she’d gone with her group of friends to Europe on that self-help trip for over a month.  Now she’s elder, and traveled a whole lot, less in the long-distance flights, but she’d continued, traveling the shorter distances, told us, that this is how she made her, most, precious, memories.  Being active in her community, she’d entered the line into the meal deliveries program of the local community, encouraged people around her, to accumulate the credits of helping in long-term care, so they can, use those credits later on as they may need to, to make sure that the community serves its function in keeping everyone in the neighborhood well.

or, basking in the miseries of your own loneliness of old age…photo from online

As for all those things that’s upset her in the past, she’d told, that she had awful memories, she’d forgotten all of them now, believed, that the deterioration of the mind, and memory loss were actually, blessing to the old age, helping us, let go of the burdens of worrying.  Loving poetry, my aunt had, become the, embodiment of the attitude described by the poet, Su, “happy living, returning back to innocence”, such a, wise, woman she is!

The tracks of life, left two different, results, this is what our generations can, learn, from.

And so, the former woman, she’d only, focused on everything bad that’s, happened to her, and maybe, it’s because when she was younger, she’d felt, that nobody was there to lend her a helping ear, to hear her pour her heart out, to dump her emotional garbage, so she wouldn’t, have such a heavy burden, and then, look at the woman the writer described as the second one, she’s thankful, for everything she’d been, given, and, she carried that positive attitude to her own life, and, she’s also, giving back to her communities, she’s engaged in living, with tons of hobbies, which is what the first woman failed to carry, and WHO, would you want to become when you’re, old and gray???

or you can be, happy alone too! With that hobby that keeps oneself, happy…photo from online

The Air, My Friend

It’s better to try and fail, than to never try at all…the column by Jimmi Liao, translated by me…

Knowing the Feat is Impossible, But Still Went After it Stubbornly, and, When You’d Failed, You Stated Proudly, “At Least I Gave it a Try”.

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, off of UDN.com

Amazing that You Had, Tried So Hard!

The Ones Who’d Chosen to Lay Flat, Now Covered Up Their Faces in, Silence

When you’d found your courage to, try, that’s success, and it does NOT matter what happens after you’d tried, because failure or success, no longer, mattered as much, because you’d, already taken that bat and, SWUNG hard!

The Red Bean Pastries, Remembering My Father, a Poem

How we can, get through the hardest times of our, lives…translated…

In Dreams, I’d Inquired

How Did You Chase Away the Coldness of the, Years?

Bite by Tiny Bite, Chewing it Slowly

The Red Bean Paste Became that Nostalgia, You’d Told Me

like this…photo from online

Continued Reviewing Over the Eternally Burning Red Flames

The Laughter that Surrounded the Sun’s Warm Embraces

The Games of the Childhood Years

The Sorrows, Disarmed & Then, Surrendered

So, this is on how we must, focus on the happier memories of our pasts, to keep us going through this life, and yet, sometimes, there are, nothing BUT the bad memories, that we can’t, find anything that’s happy from times before…

Come What, May

Took the wrong trains, and she’d still, gained that extra vacation she didn’t plan to go on, and, also, got the hard-to-come-by opportunity to meet up with her son, who works on a ship too!  Translated…

My best friend, M is independent and optimistic, although her son who works on a merchant ship as a first mate, and can only come home once he’s sailing once or twice a year, her married youngest son doesn’t live with her, in her empty nest, she’d busied herself around, to have no time to feel bad for herself, because she loved photograph and enjoyed volunteering, her days are fulfilled and happy.  When she’s not on call, she’d often carried her camera, up the mountains, down to the, seas, chasing the maples, the flowers, leaving all the beautiful tracks in her photograph, although I’d jokingly named her “Energizer Grandma”, I’m actually, in awe of the attitude she carried to living actively.

M laughed and told me, that she actually, is a scatterbrain, and would often cause the humorous moment in her life, she’d taken the words of Master Shen-Yen, “when a problem surfaces, face it, deal with it, accept it, then, let it go”, she’d applied these four principles in her life, she could always, take everything as it comes.  Awhile ago, she’d heard the red forest of the pine needles in Luodong Exercise Park was beautiful, she’d slung her camera on her back, taken the trains there, in the early evenings, she’d texted me, “I’m on my way home now, after I sorted through the photos I took today, I’ll share them with you.”

her get-up-and-go attitude…without any plans, just taking life as it comes…photo from online

I didn’t have the time to respond to her yet, she’d texted, “oopsy!  I took the wrong train, took the Zichiang straight to Hualien instead of the northbound.”, then, told me, that it’s okay, that she was going to treat this as an accidental vacation, and that she’s staying in Hualien that night, she could have a day-long tour of the city the following day.  She’d stayed at a hostel close to the train station, and, as she’d settled herself in, she’d wanted to call her youngest, and, her eldest called, told that his business ship was docking for the supplies in Hualien.  And, this wrong ride by accident, gave the two of them time to spend together, she got to see her eldest whom she hadn’t seen for a whole of six months, it’d made M ecstatic, “this wrong ride was, so totally, WORTH it!”

I’m thinking, that it’s her no-plans, easy-going, whatever-may-come attitude, that’s caused her to have a good ending on this taking the wrong trains; had it been me, who’s timid, and anxious of mind, soon as I’d found I was on the wrong train, I probably would’ve gotten, totally, stressed out, not knowing how to, cope.  I should, really, learn from, her!

So, this still just showed, how WELL those, plans worked, this woman took the train the wrong bound by accident, and yet, she wasn’t, flustered, because it’d disturbed her original plans of doing something, instead, she feels, at ease, to take this, mini-vacation that was granted to her, by her own, mistake, and she got to meet up with her son, whom she hadn’t seen in a long, long time too.  It’s a blessing, that she can be, so, serendipitous, not needing everything to go a certain way.

No Matter Hard Life Gets, Just Keep on, Smiling

The importance of keeping that positive attitude, in tackling whatever comes our ways, that way, nothing will get too hard for us to handle…translated…

These years, we’d hired a foreign nurse’s aide from Indonesia, to help me care for my husband who could no longer take care of himself.  On the different nurse’s aides, I’d found, that these girls who’d drifted from across the oceans, are so full of positive energies, they’re always, wearing their, smiles.

the only way to make our own lives, easier…photo from online

That day, the nurse’s aide Tea, just fed my husband his lunch, but he’d forgotten that he’d eaten the following moment, started shouting at her, “Why didn’t you give me my lunch!”, she’d smiled and responded, “Grandpa just had lunch, I’ll feed you more in a bit.”, and, even so, my husband still won’t settle down, screamed at her, and, Tea didn’t get impacted, and patiently soothed my husband.  Tea’s look of ingenuity, it’d made me feel bad for her, and I’d, apologized on behalf of my husband’s behaviors to her, profusely.

She’d consoled me instead, said that as she’d decided to come here, her mother told her, to work hard here, to treat the elders she will be caring as her own family member, that way, her moods wouldn’t be impacted as much; and to not be afraid of getting scolded, because, the elderly may have unstable mood swings.

“No matter how hard life gets, keep on, smiling”, the words from her mother, she’d, remembered to her heart, and so, she’d, carried that positive attitude in everything she’d encountered.

This conversation was an awakening to me.  Certainly, try our best, to put on that smile, every day, it would surely, make our lives, easier for sure.

So, this is the lesson this hired help taught the woman who’d hired her, to find the light in the grays, and even if there’s no light right now, keep holding on, because life will, eventually, break through those, dark clouds that we are, under, because, the dark clouds won’t stay forever in our, lives, things are destined to get, better.

The Different States of Mind in Illness

How the daughter’s empathy toward her mother in illness like she was, taught the mother an, important, lesson…translated…

A cool day of autumn, also the time when the virus started, spreading, quickly, the members of my family started taking rotations, falling, ill, first, my two sons, with fevers, runny stomach, then it was, my husband fallen ill, my husband told my sons, “don’t pass it to mom, otherwise, the house will, shatter.”  But unfortunately, I still, caught it, with my youngest daughter catching it too, and, other than feeling upset over how I wasn’t, careful enough, there was, nothing I could, do.

like this, they both, caught it…photo from online

That evening, my youngest daughter started, not having, her appetite, then started, vomiting, in the middle of the nights, my stomach started, turning, for the entire night, the lights were flicking on and off in the bathrooms, like, malfunctioned bulbs.  The following day, the two of us were, drowsy in bed, but, the turning of our stomachs, I’d, forced us to get to the clinic to get, treated, we’d, walked like ill old ladies there.

Soon as we entered the house, I’d told my daughter, that if she felt nauseous, she needed to go to the toilets, or find a close by trash can, but, not long thereafter that, she’d, puked on her hug pillow, I’d started, screaming at her, “did you NOT hear my reminders a bit ago?”, thinking of how I needed to clean up after her, I’d, lost control, gotten, hysterical.

At noon, to get the meds in, we’d, put a couple of pieces of toasts in the oven, then, we’d, curled up at the ends of the couch, started calling out in pain, because no position was, comfortable enough, my daughter told, that maybe we should watch T.V. to divert our attention, thinking that this may be, a good, option, I’d, turned on the T.V., and followed the Butt Detective on his, case.  Don’t know if it’s how the body couldn’t keep attention on the dramas, or that the drugs are finally, setting in, before long, we’d started, falling, drowsy and sleepy, we’d, returned back to bed, and become, mush.

From dawn, we’d slept until dusk, such a long sleep, soon as I opened my eyes, I saw my daughter’s, childish, face, and I’d asked if she’d felt a bit, better, she’d said yes, in her sleepiness, I’d told her, that I hoped I can recover in an, instant, but she said, “it’s kinda nice being sick with you mom, we get to, sleep together, like back to before, patting mommy’s back hugging you.”, and I’d, recalled how we got at one another’s throats earlier, I’d, said to her, shamefully, “I’m sorry, I was a bit, mean to you at non.”, she’d responded back, “you weren’t, you fell ill, too.”

Being sick, my daughter and I had different attitudes, I’d, believed, that I was sick, so everybody around me had to, put up with my, upsetting, moods, and, let my anger loose, soaking myself in my own, misery; looking at my daughter, in her own discomfort, she’d, tried to help herself feel better, and, started, finding that childhood moment with me back again, because of her gentleness, that had, helped, dissolved my irrationality.  Lying in the bed that was torturing to me for the entire, night, I’m too grateful, that you fell ill with me, I can’t, fight the viral infections, but, I can, choose to, deal with it, in a, different, mood.

So, that’s the lesson, that the child taught to her, mother, the mother SNAPPED at the daughter, and the daughter showed, an adult understanding to her mother, became the parent in that moment of interactions.

Not Relying on Others is a Blessing on Its Own

The attitude is, the KEY here, to living better in the elderly years!  Translated…

On the weekends, I’d come to the marketplace, heard that vegetable stand owner complaining to the ladies who were shopping, “my son and daughter-in-law are both working, they’d made, six-digit incomes per month, and yet, they’d, never, given me, a, cent!  Ahhh!  Woe is me, wanting the money to spend, I’d had to, earn it, my, self!”

Recalled how last time I’d purchased the items from her, she’d, complained about, the same, things, and I couldn’t understand it, why does this mother constantly, criticized her own, offspring?  Had her son and daughter-in-law known this, how would they, feel?

I’d gotten to the end of the market now, there was, another, vegetable stand, with the produces being sold, in the seasonal, although there’s not that wide in variety of the items, but that elderly in her seventies, as she saw the grocery shoppers coming her way, there’s, that, welcoming smile on her dark complexion face to greet us, “homegrown, no pesticides, want some???”

like this…photo from online

Once I became, very, curious her, and inquired, at her age, why didn’t she just, take it easy and just, stay at home?   She’d responded, “it’s really hard for the younger generations to make enough to live off of, I’m still agile, I’d planted all of what I’m selling, and I shall, keep on, working physically, for as long as I, possibly, can, especially when my grandson came home to visit from Taipei, I’d, stuffed that bag of homegrown tomatoes or longan for them to take home, and everybody would hug me and say, ‘thanks grandma!’, this is, blessing, to me!”

Looking at the happy and agile elderly woman, and her optimistic view of life, it’d, given me a lot, I hope, that in the future when I’m an elder, I will, not rely on my own young, and be empathetic toward my own, children’s, hard work to make a living on their, own too.  And so, every time I’d gone shopping, I would, always, go to, the elderly woman’s’ stand, hearing her called out in that energetic voice, “come take a look, if you see something you want, take it home, I’ll give you a, discount!”, and even if I don’t buy anything from her, I got to, bring her infectious joys of life home with me.

So, these are, two very, different attitudes, both elderly women are, selling the fruits and vegetables, but the first elderly woman was pushed to, because she felt that her offspring had earned a lot of money but not given a cent to her, that she had to work in her old age, while the other elderly, she was, happy at work, because she  has a very positive attitude of being able to move is a blessing.

The Air, My Friend

Which “version”, would you, prefer???  The column by Jimmi Liao, translated by me…

……..

I Accept, this Sort of an, Ending.

I Still Carry Hope for Life.

I Feel at Peace, No Regrets, and, Okay………

I Can’t, Accept This as the End Result.

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, courtesy of UDN.com

I’m Completely in Despair about Life.

I Feel, Pain, Regret, Remorse, and, Heartaches.

So, these are, the choices that you will be, handed, to either, COPE with whatever it is that hurt you in life, actively, or passively.  To see things, on the brighter side, or the, darker.  Optimistic or pessimistic, it’s all in the, switching of that, one, thought here.

The Experts Attributed the Lone Wolf Massacres at Random to Social Isolation

How this, younger group tend to believe, that it’s not their fault, that they’re, just, not as “blessed” as others, that’s what caused them to get angry at the rest of the world, which was what drove them to, commit, murders…off of the Front Page Sections, translated….

“Like Many Years Ago in Japan”

There’d been news of random massacres in South Korea recently, and, there were those online who’d, copied the behaviors, stating, that they’ll also, go out and commit the killings, and these “suspects” are mostly in their twenties and thirties, younger generations without steady jobs, the experts analyzed, that the two primary causes of these are social isolation and unemployment for this age group.

The scholars in South Korea believed, that the perp, Choi, who’d, rammed people over with his car, and hacked people down at random on the third of this month, Zhao, and the victim of the dismemberment of the woman, Jeong, all of these cases are random, and the perps were all younger generation of twenties to thirties, they’re all, isolated from the society, and they all felt wronged by the world.

the scene of a random massacre…photo from online

As Choi was arrested, he’d claimed, that because of his priors, “no matter how hard I’d worked, I can’t, make it, so that’s why I’d, committed murders”, “I’m unlucky, and I want others to feel what it’s like to be, unlucky like me”.  Although Choi was not poor,  but he’d not gotten accepted into the specialized art high school to study, and was disinterested in the normal high school courses, left home, and lived alone, started working at an early age, and, felt how cold and cruel the world was toward him.  Before he’d gone out to kill, he seemed to have posted, told of his behaviors, “I have only a few more days left, I will soon, depart for, another, world”, the neighbors told, when he’d gone out, he’d always, covered his face up.

As for the woman, Jeong Yoo Jeong, used the app for finding a tutor, to murder a female student from a namely South Korean high school girl.  They’d never met, but Jeong went to the place where the girl lived, and brutally, murdered her.  And she’d told the district attorney, that she’s the most pity person in the world, upset, displeased over her own, upbringing, and what’s happened to her in life.

The Thinktank experts in South Korea told, that there are, more and more of the younger generations who can’t socialize, or interact the normal ways, to maintain a healthy social circle, which is closely related to how they are, faced with the, economic problems in their, lives.

And, the analysis also pointed out, that this trend was similar to what was happening in Japan more than a decade ago.

a news report…

So, this is attributing everything that’s going on, to how the economics of the countries are, not going well, you can’t find the jobs you wanted to find, one that pays high enough, and you started despising everybody who have it better off that you, not realizing, that hey, they’d worked hard in their lives, and it’s all on you, for feeling that you’d done, a whole lot, but not enough’s returned to you, and you started feeling that the world isn’t fair, which was what drove you to kill, and it’s still on the individual person’s perceptions of the world, her/his socialization, that’s caused them to, blame all of their troubles on all things external, when what’s inside of them, that may be where the problems, lie, but they don’t believe that they are, responsible for what had happened in their, lives.

If There’s that Reset Button on Life

Flipping the coins, one side is regret, the other, fate, which side do you think yours will, land, on???  Translated…

As I was having breakfast with a younger generation, we’d started talking about the hot Japanese soap that just got off airing awhile ago, “BRUSH UP LIFE”.  The ordinary female protagonist, died in a car crash, and was told by the man who’d led her into the “afterlife” that she had two options: first, “reincarnate”, or a “do-over”, she’d selected the first, but became an reincarnate of a large anteater, and decided, to, returned back to live as her former self again, because she had the memories of the life she’d had, she was able to, amend many of the mistakes she’d made the last time around, there’s no climax to the story, everything was, ordinary, but as I’d watched, I’d smiled, and tears started, flowing from my, eyes.

If you can have your life to do over again, what would you like to change?  I’d asked the younger generation of relative with me.  She’d, sipped at her coffee, “too much, I wanted everything to do, all over, again!”, she’s in her midlife years, and, rented a stay in Taipei, had had a daughter out of wedlock, other than working her regular job, she’d, part-timed for everything else she’d needed.  Money was always, short, she’d had to, split up the medical costs of her mother’s care with her brothers, and provide her daughter with tuitions away from the city where she lives.

“I could’ve been, somebody, if only I had the chances.  Had I studied harder, had I, not met the wrong man, had I not insisted on having my daughter out of wedlock, had I not been too rash, talked back to my boss in that good company, had I not lent my money to my younger brother for his business, and invested in real estate, had I not trusted the words of the stock experts, and ended up losing my life’s, savings………my life wouldn’t have become, a total, FAIL!”, the words came like the bullets shooting out of a machine gun, stressing how she’d, regrated everything in HER, life.

illustration from UDN.com

Before she was done, the alerts on her LINE sounded off, she’d clicked open her phone, then, started, smiling, told me, “my daughter bought a bag for me using the money from her part-time job, look at the picture of the bag, pretty, isn’t it?”, looking at how satisfied she appeared, it would make you believe, that what she’d told from before was all a, lie.

A bit later, her phone rang, again, she’d said okay, okay, wiped her lips, then rushed off, “my younger brother told me that my mother misses me, I’m off then.”, and, this is a sweetened, burden, that everybody wouldn’t mind, carrying, I suppose.

If the do-overs are given, life might be completely different than what it is now, but it wouldn’t, actually be better than how we have it now, who says, that that retake is a guaranteed A+?  that in the do-over of life, you will have it, better?

Looking at her back as she rushed off, I’d thought, if it were me, would I, want that, do-over in life?  Which part of life?  I’d once had a ton of complaints toward my ill and debt-ridden mother-in-law, blamed her for dragging me now, as I’d worked days and nights, but, she’d also, taken care of my two children in her illness for many years on end too.  Especially noting how I’d loved the specialty foods, she’d always, made the items on the occasions, and I could see her, hunching her back over, using her deformed fingers from her arthritis, to wrap up the rice with the leaves, the leaves weren’t tight enough, but, she’d, put her whole heart into it.  And, at the start of my marriage, life was really, pressing us hard, the moment I’d opened my eyes, the collectors came, and I was, trapped in the nitty-gritty of everyday living, I was, totally, pushed overboard by life itself, the pressures, too, enormous for me to handle. And now, I’d, sat in my spacious living room, and instead, I’d, started, missing those days that our family of six, cramped inside that, illegally-built up apartment, eating the foods that my mother-in-law had made, and still, cleared off the bowls.

heads or, tail??? Photo from online

And, all of the tracks, got washed away in the passing of the, years, and, the upsets I’d felt, already, gone, away, and I’d now felt, thankful for how I was, trapped in the four-walls then, that’s, forced us, to work hard, and tried turning our lives, around, why would we need the do-overs, just, accept what’s lacking from your lives that’s already happened, the days that came easily, they’re, easily, forgotten, and then, when you look back you’d, regretted the days that were, too easy, that you’d not done, anything of, value.  Sometimes, it takes, a huge detour in our lives, to note, that the roads are, open wide up, ahead for, us.

So, this is on the twists and turns of, life, and, if you could have your life to do over again, would you, this is, trick question, it might, trap you in regrets, of what might have been, what could’ve happened but, hadn’t, and, that’s now how anyone should, lives, after all, our fates are, already set since birth, and all we all need to do, is just, follow this path of life that we’re, traveling down, and trust that fate will take us to, wherever it is that we’re, supposed to go…