All the Hurtful Things You’d Said to Me

I wish that I can say, that none of it mattered, but, it’d still, affected me, but, I’m slowly, becoming, desensitized to it.  All the hurtful things you’d said to me, had become, something, that fueled me, those awful words that had, gotten too deep, into my ear canals, had finally, made me deaf!

what it felt like at the beginning…not my photo…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, after so many years, it’d, still hurt, but, a little less every single day, and, I suppose, that one day, all the hurtful things you’d said to me, will NO longer affect me, it’s just, that that day, hadn’t, “arrived” yet…

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they don’t matter now, I’d become stronger, hearing all the hurtful things you’d said to me, and, they no longer, hurt me anymore, they’d become, nothing more than those cold winter winds that cuts through the skin on the surfaces now……………

and now…

no longer “registering”, ‘cuz I’d, tuned you O-U-T!!!

All the hurtful things you’d said to me, they’d, become, this never-healing infection of my childhood days, and growing up, I’d, carried all my scars that marked my body, and now, as I’d become, an adult, those scars became scabs, and, underneath those ugly scabs, there are, newly, grown-in layers of skin, waiting to come out.

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Brought Up that Way

“You can’t blame him”, she’d told, all her friends, as they all showed their condolences toward how she got that shiner on her eye, along with those bruised cheeks, again!

Brought up that way, that, was the sorry excuse that she’d used, to rationalize why he would take the downs of his life out on her!  Brought up that way, excusing his bad behaviors, how long, can you keep on, lying to yourself?  I know how much you wanted to believe in his FALSE promises of how he’ll change, how he will NEVER lay a hand on you, but, by NOT taking actions against HIS abuse, you’re only, getting yourself deeper…

Brought up that way, you’d been, using that, to EXCUSE his bad behaviors, and how many times had he hit you?  Gosh, I dunno, let me C-O-U-N-T………Brought up that way, yeah, so, let’s, examine the situations, shall we?  So, based off of that way of logic, shouldn’t ALL men who were raised under abuse, BE abusive?  But, NOT all MEN raised by abuse are abusive to their spouses (although the occurrences of abuse is higher, than the occurrences of not!).

Brought up that way?  So, I can BEAT the SHIT out of someone, when I feel awful about me, if I saw my father, beating on my mother every single night of my childhood?  Or, can I say those “accidental” hurtful words to you, because I heard daddy, yelling those mean things to mommy, and, they actually thought, that I was, already, asleep, as their arguments occurred, LATE in the nights?

Stop making excuses already, brought up that way?  Yeah, I too, WAS raised up by VERBAL, EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL abuses, as well as SEXUAL molestations, and for that, I’d taken it all out, on my D-O-L-L-S, ‘cuz they can’t fight BACK, so, don’t tell me I don’t know SHIT ‘bout scapegoating here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Debris of Childhood

We’re all, impacted by this, because they (whoever they may be???) still don’t call it “growing pains” for nothing, do they?  Nope!

The debris of childhood, we’re all, feeling the impacts of the destructions, at various stages in our lives, and for some, because they refused to acknowledge, that their childhoods are so FUCKED up (and your point being???), that they needed a lie to live in, and so, they’d made up this HUGE wonderful lie, that they actually had amazing parents who loved them.

The debris of childhood, had you been impacted yet, I had, my life was sent, on that CRASH course, and, I was tossed, from that rollercoaster called my own life, but, I’d held on, refused to let go, and that, was how I was able to survive!  The debris of childhood, are you ready, to face it, up front?  Can you, handle the truth, that your parents may be like mine: abusive AND neglectful?  Because NOBODY can choose her/his family of origin, that, is why all families of origin is a SOURCE of pain for all!

A Good Man Who Don’t Mean NO Harm…

Another “lesson” in SELF-DECEPTION here, if you want to call it that…

She’d shown up late, to a luncheon with her friends, with her dark shades on, and her face is, powdered, MORE heavily than usual too!

She sat down, took her dark shades off, so she could read the menus, and that, is when her friends realized, that there were, shiners, bruises, on her face and around her eyes.

They all looked at her, in that way, you know, like they got something to say, but before the words came, they’d, swallowed them hard, back down, and so, she’d started explaining to them, what had happened to her…

She said, “He’s a good man who don’t mean no harm, it’s just that his best friend got laid off, and they worked in the same positions in the company, and, he’s stressed out over that, because he feared, that he’ll be the among the next ones, to get the ‘boot’, and, being the sole economical provider, if he’s out of a job, then, we’re, ALL screwed!  He’s just, under, a TON of stress lately………”

A good man who don’t mean no harm, but here are the facts, he DID harm you, with his words, his emotions, or with his fists, and feet too, even, and, each time after he’d said those harsh words, used his emotional blackmails on you, he’d always feel oh so god DAMN remorseful, looking at you, with those, sad puppy eyes, and that, is when your god DAMN maternal instincts (and yeah, that, is EXACTLY what’s screwing you ALL over, it’d screwed ME over too, but no more!), kicks in, and he knew damn well that is the way to go too, and so, he’d buttered you up, fed you mouthful after mouthful of his sweetened lies, and, you just, gobbled it right down too (are you god damn FUCKING retarded here???).

A good man who don’t mean no harm?  Yeah right, get REAL, if he IS a good man, then, he wouldn’t have taken it all out on you and your children, would he?  But, because you watched YO mamas, getting BEATEN up, SHOUTED at, by YO daddies, you in turn, learned from watching, and all of this is still ongoing, without YOU being AWARE of it, wow, how god DAMN FUCKING (and no, NO need to “pardon” me this time!) RETARDED CAN you get, ladies???

 

 

A Naked Father Held onto His Dead Son, Sat Dumbfounded by His Front Steps, the Passersby Were Alarmed

A history of mental illness here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Cho who was diagnosed with a mild form of cognitive disorder yesterday at around noon, carried his two-year-old son who had died, sat, nude, in front of his house, and the passersby called the police, as the police rushed over, they’d found his wife, having taken tranquilizers, naked, and passed out on their bed at home, and the D.A. examined the child, and found there were multiple wounds on the boy, they’d suspected that he’d been abused to death, they will do an autopsy, to clarify the cause of death next week.

The District Attorney of Tainan, Lu examined and found, that there were multiple old and new contusions on the young boy’s head, as well as new abrasions, there were multiple bruising on the child’s arms and legs too, there were contusions on his anus that bled, they’re not ruling out his death as caused by abuse.

“My child is already dead!”, as Cho was taken back to the subprecinct, he’d cried, admitted to abusing his own young, and, at the time when the District Attorneys were questioning him, he’d also told them, “I didn’t mean to”, but, his statements were inconsistent; after the interrogations, the D.A. restricted his movements to his residence, and the police will notify the Department of Sanitations, to force him into treatment.

Cho’s residence was in an alley, leading up to the malls, a lot of the passersby saw him, naked, carrying his limp child with his head tilted backwards, and turning purple, they were all shocked; yesterday morning at eleven, as the pedestrians walked by, they’d noticed something wasn’t right, they’d immediately notified the police.

The man in charge of the local borough said, that Cho had strictly prevented anybody from coming close to him, and, it took three firefighters, to distract him, and get his child away from him.  As the child was taken to the hospital, the paramedic said, that he didn’t have a heartrate, wasn’t breathing, and had died, as he was being rushed to the hospital.

The police rushed over to investigate, they saw that the room was messy, pillows on the floor, there seemed to be signs of struggle, but there wasn’t any blood.  Cho’s wife was found naked too, passed out, on the bed of their rental home, after the firefighters shook her and woke her up, she’d slowly regained consciousness, and was taken to the hospitals for further observations.

Cho’s wife said, that in the morning, she’d had an altercation with her husband, felt bad, took the tranquilizers, and passed out, she wasn’t sure what had happened during the time she was passed out.  The Social Services Department had listed her as a protection case, and she is now, placed by the social workers.

The D.A. said, that the husband and wife had different versions of how the child was injured, Cho claimed, that “I’m not responsible for ALL of the injuries”, and whether or not his wife also beaten the child up, or if the wounds were accidental, they will look more into the matter.

And so, we still have here, the DEATH of a young child, and the reasons are unknown, but in these case, usually, BOTH the parents ARE responsible.

The Assistant to the Coach of a Youth Baseball League Molested Over Ten Members of the Team

And no, I still did NOT make this SHIT up, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

There were cases of sexual molestation that occurred in an elementary school and middle school youth baseball team, the eighteen-year-old assistant coach’s rape on a total of ten victims, the detectives, the social services department, as well as the Department of Education set up a specialty squad to investigate in secrecy, after they’d inquired all the students on the team, yesterday, they’d charged Chen, the assistant coach with obstructions to sexual freedom.

“The assistant coach molested me!”, during the middle of March this year, the primary coach of the team asked the students “do you have any comments or questions?”, one of the students raised up his hands, and others followed, and stated, that they were all, sexually molested too, and that, was when the victim students learned, that they were not, the only one who was victimized, the coach believed that this was serious, he’d immediately notified the authorities, and, as the investigations continued, the D.A. and the Department of Education found, that there were, a total of ten children who fell victim.

The victim students told the D.A., that during January and February of this year, at the dormitories of the team, at the assistant coach’s home, in the hotels, Chen the assistant coach had fellated, had anal sex, and, fondled them.  After the case bust open, Chen wrote out a confession, apologizing to his students and the students’ families.

The D.A. found out, that Chen, the assistant coach, because he was an adult, had sexually molested and raped six students, and, after he came of age, he’d forced his students to have sex with him, seven times, and forcefully sexually molested them three time, sexually harassed them twice, the victims were mostly still in elementary school.  As the D.A. went to conduct a search at Chen’s residence, they’d found there was a collection of kiddie porn in his collection from online, and, on the fifth day upon being notified of Chen’s bad behaviors, the D.A. believed that he was at flight risk, and that he may destroy the evidence, asked the courts to take him into custody, which the courts allowed for.

And so, this is a man with priors, and yet, god knows HOW many young victims had there been already, and this time, someone decided to speak up (finally!), and thus, end this losers rape, sexual molestation on the younger children.

How, Can I Go, JUST What You Were Counting On…

Get ready, to get, SUCK into that GOD damn VICIOUS cycle of her/his abuse again, and note: this, is a mind game…

How can I go, JUST what you were counting on, although I’d threatened to leave you, I could never quite, leave you, because you needed me so, and, without knowing, I’m actually, enabling this ABUSE you’d given me too.

How, can I go, JUST what you were counting on, I’d left you, time and time, and time again, and yet, each and every single time, I’d always come, right back to you, and, each and every time I’d set my mind up to go, I was so resolute on leaving you, and yet, for some UNKNOWN reasons, I’d always get drawn BACK to you, why IS that?  I’m really getting tired of living this way now!

How, can I go, JUST what you were counting on, you KNEW damn well, that I couldn’t leave you behind for good, because I’m still emotionally hung up on you, on this so-called love (which wasn’t even love at A-L-L!!!) that you’d given to me.  How, can I just go, JUST what you were counting on, well, you’d made that MISCALCULATION for the very LAST and FINAL time, because without that Dear John (and yeah, still know DAMN well, that you’re NOT “John”!), I’d left you, for good!

How, can I go, JUST what you were counting on, well, that, would be a BAD miscalculation of your part, your WORST mistake, thought that I’d never leave, well, I’d left, and, there’s NO way you’ll EVER be able to TRACK me down………