Unfortunately, we, do NOT have the right to decide, WHO it is that we want to, be in love with, despite how “openminded” this world is, becoming here…
Why does it matter, WHO I, love??? I mean, I can love someone, who’s the same sex as I am, I know I’m, entitled, to fall in love, just like, that “next guy or gal”.
Why does it matter, who I, love??? And, when is it, anybody’s business WHO I am in love with, huh? Who I am with (I’m still “with STUPID” here!!!), is nobody’s business, but, my.
photo from online
Why does it matter, who I, love??? Because the world assigned us, into its own, expected gender specifications, and yeah, so what IF, there are, now the laws that passed to allow for people of the same sex to be married, that still doesn’t mean, that this group of us, who are, different compared to the rest of the “general publics” (and, how’s that defined???).
Why does it matter, who I, love? I can be a man, in love with man and woman, I can be, a man, in love with another man, or a woman, in love, with, another woman, or, someone who just loves, NO humans, and the pets, if I so choose!
So, whoever the @#$% (maxed out!) I choose to love, is, entirely UP to ME to, decide, the law has NO say in it, the family does NOT have a say in it, the society, the outside world (outside of my own, physical presence) has NO say in it, and that, is, that!
And no, still NOT an, “advocate” of LGBT rights here. But right to live our own lives, HOW we choose….
Just so we’re, clear, I LOVE, four-legged, wagging tail, wet noses, the ones I can train to respond to my commends of SIT, STAY, good boy, now, fetch “mommy” her pink bunny slippers sort of a “gal” here.
What our decisions, means, from lunch items, extending it to, life choices…translated…
When I was studying in the U.S., I’d lived not richly, but I’d also wanted to see the world, during this hard-to-come by opportunity of studying abroad, I would take the cheap buses to travel, sleeping in the hostels with strangers. One time at spring break, my roommate and her boyfriend were heading to Miami, they’d invited me along; at the same time, I’d wanted an MP3 so I can listen to music when I exercised (to those of you who are too young, MP3 is a machine that got invented before the SmartPhones, that you can take with you, but with the functions of playing music only). The trip and the MP3 cost roughly about the same, and I can only have one, not both.
I was stuck in battle then; I’d gone out for exercise daily, with the music, my cardio, my weight-training would feel, way, way, WAY better, and I can have the benefits for a long, long time to come; but, this was a hard-to-come-by opportunity that I had, ventured to the U.S., if I didn’t go to Miami, perhaps, I will NEVER have another chance to go visit there again. That trip was too perfect, my roommate and her boyfriend were, the best traveling companions, and those few days were heavenly, the most memorable of my life, even after many decades, I’d still felt, that that trip, was one of the best I ever had. I’m so glad I chose the trip over the MP3 player.
As I grew older, there were, even more choices that presented themselves to me, what was worse, was most of them can’t get resolved with money. Do I switch track, do I move locally, or move overseas, do I marry someone, do I have a dog, do I have children…………and, behind every single choice, there are, the series of costs of these chances that presented themselves to me, as well as, the risks too. Toward the unknown, we’d often not know what we are to do. As I lectured, the audience would often ask the question of how I chose, sounded a bit, passive, btu, there’s only the thought of, “I don’t want to be that person” standard. Like the Taiwanese idiom of, “looking outside the bowl to what I don’t have”, maybe? They may have selected one path, but, they hated that life. Some loved living out of country, but due to their visas expiring, or that they had to take care of their elders, forced back into Taiwan to live; some have a job, but they’d hated it, and it didn’t fit their interest profiles, they are always in pain, and complained daily about it.
what will it be, which “path” to go towards??? There are, usually, MORE paths, instead of just choices A and B…photo from online
We had all been stuck in that same predicament of don’t want to but have to. My predecessors always reminded me, “you always have a choice”. We’d worked overtime, and slashed the time we have with our loved ones, that was, our own, choices; for the sake of taking that job from out of country, we’d, sacrificed our sleep, our own decision; for the sake of money, we had to, work multiple jobs at once, that was, our own, making too. Honestly, I still, can’t quite understand this thought of “I must” yet, but I’d slowly come to understand, “it’s a blessing to choose what you love, loving what you choose, that’s, wisdom.”
Do you think it’s annoying, having to think about what you want for meals daily? I’d made a drawing can, with the acceptable by me dining places close to my work, when I don’t know what I want for lunches, I’d, drawn a stick out. I call this “systematic means of problem-solving.”, hmmmmmmm, well, then, maybe, it only, sounded, better. This meal I’ll have noodles, Asian or western, nobody can recall three days from today, balanced in nutrition, doesn’t put that damper on my wallets, getting back into the office on time, is way more important to me. My point is, life is a bitch, our brains can only carry so much worries, don’t waste your brains on something like this. When you feel stuck, remember, you ALWAYS have a choice; if you can; and if you can, do choose, what’s good for your own selves, as well as, the world too.
And so, life’s full of choices (or so we are all, inclined to believe!), but, do we, really have choices, or, is choice, nothing more than a mirage, or that it’s just, how we choose to look on the brighter, or darker sides of the things, as there are, always, those two different sides, that we can CHOOSE to live on, that’ll, give us, different outcomes of our own, lives…
PATTY GIDDIS Inbox – iCloud 3:23 am Fine let’s talk this way To: mgiddis@aol.com Daddy, Maybe this way you won’t hang up on me again or worry about my roommate knowing my sordid secret. She’s not even here to peek over my shoulder at what I’m typing – actually would never […]
Two cases of the means of intubation here, but with, totally, different outcomes, on life and death, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…
In the times of outbreaks, the severely symptomatic had signed their DNR, but, the outcomes were, not the same, some, at the moment of critical conditions, retracted the signing of the DNR, intubated and recovered. But there were those patients whom, not knowing what was happening, signed the DNR, but in the advices of other physicians from other hospitals, retracted, and transferred, had the ECMO placed in, and still died.
The woman, Chen in her sixties with diabetes, was confirmed of contraction, sent to a specialty ward for MERS-CoV of a major hospital in Taipei, she wasn’t good, had a serious case of pneumonia, with her blood sugar rising up, and kidney malfunction, her conditions worsened, and the hospitals put her on dialysis.
Chen told, that back then, the medical staff members wanted her to sign the DNR, and stated it clearly, “This is for your own good, also, for the sake of your offspring!”, and so she’d, signed it, and, checked the box of “no intubation in emergency resuscitation”.
But, at the other nurses’ advise, she’d, retracted the consent forms, and this decision seemed to have, saved her life, a few days later, she had respiratory failure, the doctors intubated her, and actively treated her, used the steroids, and she’d turned for the better, and was out of the hospital safely in the end.
the medical staff members intubating a patient! Photo from online
The sixty-two-year-old Mr. Shih didn’t have such good luck, he was confirmed of contraction last May on the thirtieth, was hospitalized at the hospital nearby to his home, within two days of admittance into the hospital, the medical staff members tried actively persuading him to sign the DNR, and he’d trusted the medical professionals’ advice, and signed it.
Mrs. Shih had been confirmed of contraction days earlier, and was treated at a different hospital, as she’d learned of her husband’s signing his DNR, she’d discussed it with friends, of them, one who is a physician advised against it, reason being that her husband isn’t elderly, nor did he have any serious illnesses. And so, she’d tried hard to persuade her husband to get the DNR retracted.
A couple of days later, Mr. Shih’s conditions took a turn for the worst, his primary treating physician called Mrs. Shih up, “Intubation or not, it’s a hope, it’s quite painful for the patients to be intubated, so many patients who’d been intubated didn’t make it.”
The following day, the physician called again, “if you don’t sign the papers, when the time comes, we will, shock him with the electrodes, and, the CPR we perform on him may break his ribs.”, but Mrs. Shih decided to get her husband intubated. A couple of days later, the hospital told her that her husband needed around-the-clock medical care, and transferred him to a medical center up north. But because of the critical condition Mr. Shih was in, they’d put the ECMO in, but the sudden internal bleeding, even as the paramedics did their best, he still passed.
And so, this is on the decisions of life or death, made on a dime, and we are faced with these difficult decisions about our loved ones, especially the elderly family members, and, there’s still no right or wrong way to approach this, and, usually, these moments came too quickly, that we won’t get the time to make that list of pros and cons, and then, decide what we want to do for our, loved ones.
Because this god damn FUCKING (don’t pardon me here) government that’s currently, running ALL our lives to SIX feet under still can’t learn from its, mistakes! Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…
The huge mess of the candidacy from the KMT slip of Taoyuan is still just, getting, patched up; what’s unbelievable, was, that in Miaoli, there was, the messy businesses, yet, again. This time, it was Hsu, who was nominated for the post, after the KMT called him to run for office in front of the press, he’d bowed down, and declined the KMT’s asking, leaving behind, everybody who was, shocked.
If Hsu continually stated that his heart isn’t set in running, and so, how did the Central office of KMT, keep on, nominating, him? This stubbornness of “calling someone to run by force”, isn’t it the same as, slapping themselves, across their own, faces? Besides, this is too important a matter, before they’d made the announcements, should they not CHECK, with the willingness to run for office of the man they were, nominating? Or, to tell the man, that everything that might be troubling him had been, taken care of for him? But, the KMT did, absolutely, NOTHING, and just, issued, the press release.
Falling into that same pothole, twice, the first time may be due to carelessness, and the second time one falls in, it’s, stupidity. From this, the Central office of the KMT may be, short-wired, they’d used the wrong methods to communicate, to handle the matter, that’s how, they’d, messed the already originally pocketed city up. The last time the nomination of the mayoral position, the chairman of the party, Chu wanted to scare Lo, the city councilman of Taipei off the rosters, and yet, it’d, gotten him out; and this time, Hsu didn’t want to be put up for election, and, the party members nominated him against his will. In this day and age, people get upset hearing about forcing someone to get married to someone, and so, how can we, force someone, to, run for, office?
On a deeper level, it may be, that the central office of the KMT is way too, egotistical, way too, wayward, thought, that they didn’t need to communicate with the local regions, and determine everything on their own, from the office of the party. The president, Tsai is, the president, with powers in her hands, that was how she could, command the DDP; and, pray tell, what powers do Chu, and Huang have?
Chu should first, examine how much the people supported the KMT, then, decide how forceful, he is, to become.
And so, you can see, how this party that’s not in power, is already, getting, edgy, as the elections are, coming up at the end of this year, they’re, grabbing at straws, because they don’t want to lose another year to the DDP, and this still just showed, how we the people, are still being, forced to, choose, between, the lesser of the TWO evils, but neither is, good enough, fitting enough, to rule the country, and so, guess W-H-O, suffers, no matter which party we vote for? Yeah, it’s still us, the people, because we (collectively speaking, and no, still NOT a part of that, collective “we” there!) the people are too FUCKING retarded, we only want to, follow our leader, not having a mind of our own, besides, we’d all turned into, mechanical robots, under the rules of, either parties here, so, this country’s politics is still, totally @$%#ED (maxed out!) up!
A loser, caught between his own wife, and his, whore, and it wasn’t until that the other woman (his whore) made the decision to start over with another brand new man, the affair had, finally, ended! Call this, the confession, of a CHEAT if you will! Translated…
I admit, that I fell for, another woman, the night I’d asked that girl to sleep with me away from home, I’d found, I’d started, falling deep. After all, for a man, from loving a woman, to being in love with a girl, that means, that happiness must, learn to, coexist, with the, heartbreaks. I’d met a ton of women, but only as I held her, I’d be reminded, that I was, cheating on my wife of twenty years, like how back in college, I’d, dated two girlfriends at the same time, I am, ashamed of myself.
Making a choice normally comes with, comparing the two, disappointment, and destruction of a relationship. I’d cherished and loved people, not wanted to hurt women and cost them to waste their youth away on me, actually, I don’t want to ignore my own, instincts the most, in my maturity, I would’ve, never imagined, I could, feel my heart skipping a beat in time again, the love came, out of, nowhere, her smile started, surfacing before me, and it’d, made me feel the bliss, I’d loved, seeing me, reflected, from her, brown-colored, pupils.
like this…
and it’s still, ALL the man’s fault here! Photo from online
It’s not that I don’t love my own wife, I do, everybody knew it, I’d help around the house when I got home, took my kids to cram school, kiss my own wife passionately, and made love to her too. I believe, that staying low key, and keeping this as is, can keep everybody safe, and, being in power, I’d given all my time, my money, as well as, my love too, and not wanted get anything back from, anybody else.
But on that day, as she’d, started, feeling something for another man, I couldn’t help but feel that heartache inside of me, and that sense of loss, and that was when I’d realized, that I too, had been, too afraid, to choose, fearing that I may not have, everything I ever, wanted.
And yeah, this is the mindset of a cheater here, he can’t let go of his wife, out of obligation, out of, responsibilities, as she’d kept his home so well, birthed out his children, and yet, he still couldn’t help but fall for that, younger woman, who’d, made him feel, more alive, that’s just the general state of mind for men who cheat, they wanted it both ways.
Well, here’s that NEWSFLASH (again!) for you, you mother FUCKING sons-of-bitches (still not the four-legged varieties, because at LEAST we can all train those to behave themselves!), we want it both ways, it’s just that most women (this might be a generalization, I wouldn’t know here!) are bound by morals, and the society’s views of women who cheat, being labeled as “whores”, “tart”, “harlots”, etc., etc., etc., that would keep us all way, from cheating on our, husbands, and besides, women are more prone to emotional/psychological affairs, meaning that we do NOT act on our urges to SCREW!
What I, CHOOSE, to R-E-A-D, that’s got nothing to do with you, it’s my, personal choice, and, you will NEVER have a say, in WHAT I want to, select, for my own, reading pleasure.
Secondly, what the FUCK! What I choose to read, that’s, my, personal choice, my right to decide, and you ain’t gonna have a say, why? Because, you do not have control over what I am interested, or disinterested in, okay?
Third, what I choose to read, that’s entire, my choice, and, nobody’s gonna have a FUCKING (and your point being???) say, I mean, it’s not like I got that full stack of Playboy CENTERFOLDS, cut OUT, saved in my, “secret drawer” for my, “viewing pleasures” is it?
Then, there’s, yeah, you got ZERO right to tell me, what I can, or can not read, just like you got no right, to tell me what I can, or cannot say, it’s my personal choice, because I say so, okay?
Repeated in that vicious cycle of his own misbehaviors, led him down this path of, no return, and now finally, as he sits in his cell, he’d, realized what he’d done, and what he can do, to turn his own life, around, translated…
For Most, This is a Hopeless Sort of Life……………
My rebirth from the flames, started from owing two hundred million dollars, the ability to introspect, to admit to what I’d done was wrong, was from my twelve years’ sentence in prison. For most, this is a life without the chances, but to me, it’s, a brand new, beautiful, beginning, because, I’m now able to use my mindset of learning for life, to, turn the bottom half of my own life, around.
Walking on That, Right Path, Finally
Back when I was too young to know any better, I’d thought, that putting my fist out to help a friend, is the true meaning of giving them the support they were looking for, and yet, what I got were, the conflicts of the fights I’d gotten in, at age twenty, I’d, faced my very first, prison sentence, being taken into, custody. Everybody told, that the longer you get locked up in prison, the more badass you’d, become, that it’s the path, of becoming a gangster, so, the very first time I got stuck in a cage, I just wanted to, make more friends, to expand my connections. And surely, I’d not changed a bit after I’d made bail, and, I’d, hit the walls, soon enough, and only, stayed out of prison, for one short, year’s time.
The second time I got taken into custody, I’d met a white collar criminal, the worst step I’d, ever taken, and became, a con artist, got on that path of, no return. The second time I’d made bail, I went into business with a friend, and, wrote the scripts, used the cons, to get my very first bucket of gold in life, ever since, I’d, gotten lost in the nightlife, took up the habits of gambling, and, started, squandering everything away to soon, which was a proof of, traveling down the wrong road, it’ll, catch up to you eventually.
illustration from UDN.com
By age twenty-five, I’d faced my third, two years’ worth of prison sentence, being righteous toward my friends, I’d, taken all the blames, and in return, all my friends, they’d, deserted me. My wife went into labor when I was held in custody, and she was too distressed and had postpartum depression, and in the end, my only source of strength was my parents’ never giving up on me, which was, the start of, me, waking up, and turning my life, around. I’d started, making friends with books, started getting into the habits of reading, to change my own heart, and understood the meanings of, “helping others” and the meanings of “helping another is helping ourselves”. My own experiences made me reached out to my fellow inmates, hoping they don’t travel down this same wrong path I had, to improve themselves, for those around them.
The two years’ prison terms, I’d, come to understand, that the justice system is maxed out in giving me my second chances, that every time I returned back to the society, I’d, strayed, farther from I did before, that I may not have the opportunity to get out, on good behaviors again; and, maybe, it’s going to take me more years to finally appreciate being able to feel the love from my parents, to find the blessings of sharing a meal with my wife and children. And yet, in my time of serving prison, I was, blessed by heavens above, as I was told, that I was allowed to make bail a third time, I’d sworn, that in the time I’m serving, I shall, stay away from the bad, and, start walking out, a better path of life for myself.
The Encouragements to Myself, “It Takes Ten Years to Make a Perfectly Sharpened Sword”
After I’d made bail, I’d, still, gathered with those friends, but without, the bad influences, sharing only the ideals, and I’d, come to understand, how those friends’ not, deserting me was, too precious to, come by. As my case was still pending, I’d discussed with a friend on the future direction of my own life, “We’ll try it with you.” with their supports I’d, become, an entrepreneur. And, as I got totally immersed in what I was doing, I fell, in love, and in the process, I’d come to understand the meaning of “there’s a house of gold in every book”, the books I’d read in prison became quite useful in business, I’d started up from the fundamentals, and because of how my partners and I were on the same page, in only three short years, we’d, made a “good grade”. I’m more than grateful to my friends’ trusts in me, from the team of five originally, squatted inside that compressed, tiny office, and now, we’d, expanded to more than thirty employees.
During the time of our startup, I’d worked in the merchandising department, and, used the knowledge I’d read up on in the books from prison, to lower the costs and to barter with the providers, but, being a con artist myself, I got, conned, and, I’d originally wanted to, shoulder the money I’d lost for the firm, but, my partners denied my request to, and said, that the company will pay up the total. And in the end, the providers were touched by my story of turning my own life around, and, refunded the amount we’d lost back to us.
We all eventually, pay for our own, mistakes. My trial dragged out for three full years, as I’d gotten that serving sentence to prison, I’d felt upset, but I’d not, gone back on that promise I’d made three years ago when I’d made bail then, and my families saw how hard I’d, tried to work to turn my life around too.
And to this very day, whenever I get anxious, upset, or agitated, I’d still told myself, “it takes ten years to sharpen that sword”, we needed to trim the rough edges of our own character off, to better our own, abilities too, and I’d understood the true meaning of “only when you change for the better, the meanings of you becoming a man showed.”
still serving his time…
repenting for what he did…photo from online
I am, a textbook example, although I’d still caused myself to get stuck, but I hope, that the life experiences of this decade of life from my twenties to my thirties, can help light the way for all those who are currently lost at the crossroads of their own, lives.
And so, this is the man’s, tracing the wrong steps he’d taken in his own life thus far, and as he’s serving his current prison term (hopefully his very last one!), he’d, realized the wrong steps he’d taken thus far, and, decided to make the changes, to make sure he doesn’t, go down the wrong roads in his own life again, and hopefully, that will to change in him, will be enough, to keep him from straying again.
If I quit, will you, quit with me??? Uh, can I get back to you on that, I have to, think about it first…translated…
I was in the same class with J during our fifth and sixth grade years, although it was only two short years, but, our friendship lasted, long afterwards. We’d, talked over the phones over a ton of things, wrote to one another, shared our lives through the emails. Having a confidant in this life time, I’d, lived to the fullest!
J came back from his studies from abroad, couldn’t find work, so I’d, introduced him to my work. And, just as I’d thought after the interview, he was, on! Yes, I knew it was his integrity, his ability, his attitude, all of it is, excellent. And now, he’s not just a former classmate, but also, a coworker too.
Many months later, maybe, half a year, I’d heard the blames out of my superior’s office. Not long thereafter, several people came out of the office, and one of them was, J. J didn’t look well, to the point of, being, embarrassed to anger. I thought, I should let him, cool down a bit.
And yet, he’d, come over and asked, “if I were to quit, you will, quit with me, won’t you?” And, at that very moment in time, I fell, into, that state of, unspeakable, chaos. I’d, introduced him, and now, he’s, taking me away? Can I leave this job right now? Should I, be supportive on his side, use my actions in quitting, to show my support toward him?
If I say yes, that meant, that I would soon become, unemployed, and, my household economics would lose one paycheck, and, where’s, my next step? If I told him I won’t then, does that mean, that our years of friendship, ends, here?
I’m in chaos now, can’t find a word to say, can’t even, make a, sound.
Shortly thereafter, he’d quit, didn’t take a patch of painted skies with him, nor me either. And we’re, still, the best of friends to this very day!
And so, this, is getting trapped in between the considerations of being on your friend’s side, or, the practical, keeping that paycheck, and, you’d, chosen practically, because, you need the money from the paycheck you’re making, if you didn’t, I’m sure, you would’ve, left the job with your friend, but, he didn’t hold it against you, because he probably, empathized your situation, that’s why the two of you are able to stay good friends.
Which one will it be tonight, biography? Fiction? Essays? Mysteries? Romances? Let’s see! Translated…
The evenings are getting colder now, fitting for a mug of hot cocoa, and getting underneath the covers with, a good, book. And yet, I’d, eaten up, almost ALL the collections I have at home, in the fact that there’s nothing new for me to red, I’d had to, go out, in the chilly weather to the libraries to hunt for more.
Romance?
Nah! I’d had to get through the Christmas holidays from November 11th on my own, the covers for just one, too cold already, no need, to hit my self, even harder.
The exam study guide then?
something, to help me, ease into, sleep here!
photo from online
TOSS! What I’m looking for, are the bedtime readers, not the hypnotic reading materials that can, knock me out cold in an, instant.
The biographies that are encouraging then?
STOP! Monday through Friday, I’m already, keeping myself on that tight leash, forced myself, to push forward, go forth, faster, faster, faster I am in desperate need of rest now.
Cooking, the dessert recipes then?
Uh, the timing’s not quite right. Reading these will only make me feel more and more hungry, then, diet will be something saved for tomorrow, I’ll go on a binge, then, fall into, that state of, deep, regret.
Or maybe, I should, read the mysteries then? The dark night, the cold, with the scary cases, and the swiftly turned on brain, training my logic, as well as speed of thought.
And, now that I’d, set my genre, I shall have the classics then, Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Orient Express” it is!
And so, this showed, how much considerations one considered, in choosing a bedtime reader, this woman considered everything, before she’s finally, settled down to the mysteries, and sometimes, it’s too hard to choose, when there are, too many, options available for us out there, and sometimes, you just, gotta, make that second-decision, and see where it leads you.
Mirroring the World 
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