Category Archives: Codependence

Self-Abasement

Lesson learned, from the love that broke her, with the help of a coworker, who saw her suffering, and gave her a lift, to get her out of this FUCKED up marriage of hers, translated…

Every time there’s a fight, he would always not bite his tongue, talked down at her, called her stupid, ignorant, and as everything blew over, he’d, apologized to her profusely.  He thought that his apologies actually, meant something, that it deleted everything, not known, how his words had such, an immense effect on her, like that mirror which was shattered, even as you’d taped it back together, you still, see the, cracks.

His words would come back up as a reminder to her in the days when things weren’t going well, she’d, introspected repeatedly, too stressed, that as she lay herself down to sleep, she’d started having the nightmares, lost too much weight, became, pessimistic, and self-abased, it was her coworker who’d noted that something was wrong who’d, given her that needed lift up, forced her into psychotherapy, she’d started, getting, better; this was also the very first time in these past few years, that the thought of leaving him came up.

being talked down to in a relationship, like this, photo from online

Later, she’d, left him.  At first, the days were, hard, but slowly, everything looked up.  Two years after she’d gained her freedom, she saw things more clearly then: even if the mirror is broken, her face was still, whole, no matter how bad the injuries were, they all belonged, to that, mirror; she’d know, that, only when someone is a, shattered mirror, that is why, everything looked, broken.

And so, this is the wisdom that this woman learned, after her coworker helped her get out of an, abusive relationship, and NOBODY deserved to be treated like nothing, but, there are, men and women who are, treating one another as, NOTHING, in a relationship, because, these individuals were, the NOTHINGS to begin with, too insecure about themselves, that they needed to belittle another, to feel all that!

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Awareness, Broken Promises, Codependence, Life, Obstacles in a Relationship, Properties of Life, Relationship, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

The Prelude to His Thunder…

She could hear that lowered, rumbling noise, coming, from, TEN miles away…

She knew exactly what would come next, and, despite what her, better judgment told her, she still, ran, out into, the downpour, and surely enough, she got, STRUCK!

The prelude of his thunder, she’d heard it, for too long, and, even though she knew what to expect what’s coming after that thunder roll, she’d still, stood, and it’d, angered him ever the more.  Surely, she’d, earned herself, a beating, once again.

查看來源圖片
knowing damn well, what’s to come next! Photo from online

The prelude of his thunder, she should’ve known better than to, push his buttons, but she gets off on knowing, how she could, make him, tick, it’d become, the numbered funs she could ever get, in her life, living with him…

The prelude of his thunder, it keeps on, rolling, and he got no clue what’s made him tick, what’s made him rage, but, she knew it all too well, for she’s the puppeteer, and he, merely, a puppet, on her, strings………………

It’s, a toxic relationship, and they both knew it, but, still, trapped themselves in!

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Codependence, Life, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle

In the Crease of a Book, a Poem

It’s NEVER good, being, THIS, passive in a relationship here, because you leave your selves, at, someone else’s mercies…translated…

The Thinned Back-Ridge of the Book was Stopped, Your Sight

Came in from the Pages……with that Moisture

——————Passing through the Preface, the Table of Contents

Disregarded My Copyright

As Well as the Recommendations of the Experts

Like an Inchworm

With Light Fingertips, Flipping Through

Measured Those Fresh Green Words

Broken Holes in the Pages with Your Repeated Criticisms

Shocked, I saw the Rotted Away, Autograph that Resembled a Masterpiece

and the TINY folded upward corner is all you get!!!

all you’re allowed, is this, tiny little, corner, opposed to, the rest of, this volume of, book here…photo from online

You’d Covered Up the Pages Lightly, Used Your Breaths, to Turn the Pages

With the Majesty of Sniffing the Richness of Life

Knowing that the Warmth of Your Palm was Once on the Pages

Surely, the Eyes that Stayed Turning, and Longing

Couldn’t Contain Your Self in Front of Some Words of Love

The Butterfly Wings Trembled at the Folded Crease of a Book

The Roses Don’t Need to Bloom Fully, There were the Holes Then

Yet the Skies Disallowed You to Cocoon Yourself in

How Do You Explain to that Sharpened Beak———

The Page Numbers that’d Fallen Down, How You’d, Cherished

Those Lies that Tangled You, Up

Nobody Know How Far the Skies Extends

How Far Down, is Your, Bottomline?

We Looked Toward Each Other—in the, Farthest, Distance

About to Miss Out, Like How the Axle Tilted

Avoiding that Returned Light, a Enormous Question

Was about to Get, Solved, Resolved, by You…………

So, this, is on waiting for someone, to love, to notice you, you’re now, the objective, because you’d, allowed the other individual to take control of the initiatives to reach out to you, and that’s not good, because, you will be at the person’s mercy, hanging on her/his every last word, and when s/he loses interests, you’ll be, left alone, with, nothing, not even, your self!

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Because of Love, Codependence, Life, Philosophies of Life, Poetry, Properties of Life, Unrequited Love

The Air, My Friend

On the need to hear that certain someone call out your names, and this is, codependence, it’s not good!  The column by Jimmi Liao, translated…

The wind blew by, the ears, floating along

The wind stopped, the ears hung down low.

The ears floated at the lobes, where’s the wind?

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, courtesy of UDN.com

空氣朋友。(圖/幾米)

Who cares where the wind comes from,

All I care about are the breaths of love

You’d called out to me, my ears floated up

You fell silent, my ears, drooped too

And so, this speaks, of that longing, for someone, or it can be interpreted becoming codependent on the love you feel for that certain someone, which isn’t good, I mean, think about it, if your ups and down is solely reliant off of someone else’s calling out to you, wouldn’t that be, too sad???

Leave a comment

Filed under Because of Love, Codependence, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life

The Landlady of the Rao River Night Market Beaten into a Coma by Her Own Son

Another BLOOD-SUCKING L-E-E-C-H we have here, as his families finally, CUT him off, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Man Couldn’t Get His Mother to Hand Over the Deeds to the Properties, the Neighbors Heard the Shrilling Cries, Called the Police.  The Police & Fire Department Broke in to Save the Woman, the Son Taken into Custody.

A man in Taipei, Jeng, couldn’t get his mother to sign over the deeds to the properties that she owned, in the midnight hours of last, he took a huge nail puller, hit his mother in her seventies until she was in a coma, his younger brother was beaten up by him too, the locals heard the shrilling “help us!”, they’d called the police, the police and fire department broke down the door and saved the injured mother and son pair, Jeng’s mother lost consciousness, was taken to the I.C.U. for observations, the district attorneys charged Jeng on domestic violence and attempted murder, and the courts mandated for his being taken into custody.

Based off of understanding, Jeng’s mother collected the rents from the Rao River Night Markets, has two sons and a daughter, after her husband died, she inherited the properties, the first floor, she’d rented the space to the shops, and lived on the second floor with her second son, and rented out the first and third floors to tenants.

Based off of understanding both of Jeng’s sons are unemployed, the eldest who was involved lives on the boundaries of Songshan and Xinyi District, at Huling Street, because he got into drugs, and had priors in drugs, he’d gone home often to ask for money, and demanded that his mother signed over the deeds to the properties, to attempt to get his hands on the family’s assets.

The fifty-year-old eldest son at around one in the morn, returned to his mother’s home, demanded that she signs over the deeds of the property that’s worth $20,000N.T.s, but the mother was already in bed, and not paid him any heed, and this caused Jeng to feel upset, he’d used the large nail puller, and attacked his mother’s head, hands, his mother lost consciousness.

This tragedy happened late at night, because the elderly screamed out the shrilling “HELP!”, the neighbors heard, and called the police immediately, as the officers arrived, nobody answered the door, but due to safety considerations, the police called over the fire department to break down the door to save the elderly.

As the police and firefighters entered, they’d found Jeng’s mother on the ground of the second floor bedroom, suffered severe head injuries, with blood over her, she’d lost consciousness, they’d sent her to the E.R. immediately, she regained consciousness, and is now, in the I.C.U., the second son who was injured, and ran to the balcony to call for help, suffered fractures on his wrist and hand, and arm.

The police subdued Jeng and arrested him, confiscated the nail puller that he used, the case is being reviewed as attempted murder from domestic violence.  The neighbors told, that Jeng was unemployed, not gotten along with his families, only when he ran out of money, would he return home, and asked for valuables from his own mother, and, they couldn’t imagine that as he got home late last night to get more money, that he’d, beaten up his family members when they refused to give him the money he asked for.

The attorneys said, that in the more severe cases of domestic violence, the families can file for an emergency protective order, and after the courts reviewed over the facts and believed that the abused are in immediate danger, then, they will issue the restraining orders in four hours, and contact the local stations to keep the records of the case on file.

And so, this, is what happens, because you allowed this son of yours to SUCK you dry all those years, and now, you’d finally decided that ENOUGH is ENOUGH, and he couldn’t get the money from you this time, and, he flew into a rage, and, started attacking you, and this is still caused by the parents’ spoiling their own young, because you allowed him to SUCK you dry before, so why would this time be any different?  That I think, was the main reason why this man had, blown up and attacked his family members.

2 Comments

Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Codependence, Cost of Living, Life, Properties of Life, Spoiled Rotten, Spoiling Children

I Need You…

I need you, I’m desperate here, won’t you, help me out, come, to my aid, rescue me???

I need you, uh, that’s, nice, but, I don’t, have any need, for anything (instead of anyone, ‘cuz of the “downgrade”???) like you, and beside, nobody was EVER there for me when I needed someone to help me out, so, why the !@#$ (maxed out???) do I need to, be there for you right now, huh?

not an order like this…查看來源圖片image from online

I need you, but I sure as hell don’t, the only one I’ll ever need, is me, and I got me all right!!!  I need you, why?  ‘Cuz, you’re, supposed to, love me, for rich or for poor, in sickness & in health, ‘til death!  And, you can’t, break that promise you’d made to me!!!  Why not?  ‘Cuz you say so???  That’s NOT REASON enough, not for me!!!

So, this ends in then?  Let’s not have this god DAMN !@#$ING (maxed out???) discussion EVER again.

but more like, this, I suppose…查看來源圖片image from online

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Codependence, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dependency, Excuses, Loss, Vicious Cycle

When You’d Become, the Sum of My Parts

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I can’t, do without you, I’d become, totally, completely, hooked (woe would be me!!!).  When you’d become, the sum of my parts, we’d become, too intertwined, too, mingled together, like those balls of yarns that those kittens played with, without the supervisions of humans?  They end up, tangled up completely, unmanageable.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, it would be, super, duper hard, for me, to live without you, I’d grown, to rely on you, for every single one of my needs, and yet, you don’t, give me any, and so, I shall, die…

what that, looked like…查看來源圖片and it’s, still NOTHING good!  Photo from online

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, nothing’s, interchangeable, I gotta, have you in my life, or else, I will, die, I can’t even, go a second, without you on my mind, what am I, supposed to do, I think about you when I’m awake, and dream of you, when I sleep at night.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I’m destined, to get, SCREWED over, which is why, I’m now, working, too hard, to make SURE, that you don’t become, the sum of any part of who I turn out to be!

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, well, let’s see, how it’ll end, and I gotta feelin’: it ain’t, gonna end well, not for me one bit, and yet, I can’t, map out my brand new path, my path is, too entangled, with yours now………

Leave a comment

Filed under Cause & Effect, Codependence, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Excuses, Expectations, Lessons, Love Turned into Obsession, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Vicious Cycle

Because You Don’t Want to Die Alone…

Because you don’t want to die alone, seeing how, nobody WANTS to be alone, when they’re, still alive, why would anybody want to die, all alone on her/his own?  Because you don’t want to die alone, you’d started, imposing your imminent death onto someone you knew from long ago, and that person, was the only one, that you’d known, who’d, come to, your beck and call.

And because s/he allows you to control her/him like that, you’d, started taking advantage of the fact of how s/he couldn’t, turn you down or away.  Unbeknownst, you’d, started, using manipulative ways, to control the other person.  Because you don’t want to die alone, but, you know what, EVERYBODY dies alone, nobody (not even G-O-D) can help you through the passage from life TO death!

Because you don’t want to die alone, such, a selfish motive, still, you’d, used it, as a VALID excuse, a form of, rationalization, of how and why people, should treat you kind, because you’re dying, therefore, you DESERVED to be shown, some extra kindness, right???  WRONG!!!

Because you don’t want to die alone, well, when I die, I’d much rather be, alone, on my own, and, someone will find me, a little while, AFTER I’m dead and gone, and follow everything I would’ve, specified, in my will, to handle MY final affairs…

1 Comment

Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Bad Behaviors, Codependence, Excuses, Letting Go, Life, On Death & Dying

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under Codependence, Dependency, Despair, Enmeshment, Life, Loss, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Fate of a Woman, Wake Up Calls

Can’t Do without Your Smiles

Gotten so very used to, seeing your bright smile, greeting me good morning, that I can’t do without them now.  Can’t do without your smiles now, they’d become, a part of my day to day living, as we’d gotten closer to each other by the day, I’m finding myself, getting more intoxicated, by your love lately.

Can’t do without your smiles now, because, seeing that bright smile from you, lets me know, that I’m doing something right!  Can’t do without your smiles now, they’re way too important, for me, to live without, I can’t imagine a day, without seeing your bright and shiny smiles, they’d, lightened up my day for me.

Can’t do without your smiles now, I just, can’t imagine a life without you in my life, you’re everything that’s good, that I’d want in life.  Can’t do without your smiles now, can’t imagine how it is, that I’d gotten along my life without you, compared to before you first flashed that smile at me, my life faded into gray, from before I met you, and, when you smiled at me, looked my way, my world, it lit up!

Can’t do without your smiles now, why are you taking the only thing that makes my existence meaningful away?  Do you not realize, how important you are to me?  How can you be so fucking cruel?  Don’t leave me, without your smiles, I will, die for sure…

Leave a comment

Filed under Cause & Effect, Codependence, Messed Up Values, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship