Category Archives: Codependence

In the Crease of a Book, a Poem

It’s NEVER good, being, THIS, passive in a relationship here, because you leave your selves, at, someone else’s mercies…translated…

The Thinned Back-Ridge of the Book was Stopped, Your Sight

Came in from the Pages……with that Moisture

——————Passing through the Preface, the Table of Contents

Disregarded My Copyright

As Well as the Recommendations of the Experts

Like an Inchworm

With Light Fingertips, Flipping Through

Measured Those Fresh Green Words

Broken Holes in the Pages with Your Repeated Criticisms

Shocked, I saw the Rotted Away, Autograph that Resembled a Masterpiece

and the TINY folded upward corner is all you get!!!

all you’re allowed, is this, tiny little, corner, opposed to, the rest of, this volume of, book here…photo from online

You’d Covered Up the Pages Lightly, Used Your Breaths, to Turn the Pages

With the Majesty of Sniffing the Richness of Life

Knowing that the Warmth of Your Palm was Once on the Pages

Surely, the Eyes that Stayed Turning, and Longing

Couldn’t Contain Your Self in Front of Some Words of Love

The Butterfly Wings Trembled at the Folded Crease of a Book

The Roses Don’t Need to Bloom Fully, There were the Holes Then

Yet the Skies Disallowed You to Cocoon Yourself in

How Do You Explain to that Sharpened Beak———

The Page Numbers that’d Fallen Down, How You’d, Cherished

Those Lies that Tangled You, Up

Nobody Know How Far the Skies Extends

How Far Down, is Your, Bottomline?

We Looked Toward Each Other—in the, Farthest, Distance

About to Miss Out, Like How the Axle Tilted

Avoiding that Returned Light, a Enormous Question

Was about to Get, Solved, Resolved, by You…………

So, this, is on waiting for someone, to love, to notice you, you’re now, the objective, because you’d, allowed the other individual to take control of the initiatives to reach out to you, and that’s not good, because, you will be at the person’s mercy, hanging on her/his every last word, and when s/he loses interests, you’ll be, left alone, with, nothing, not even, your self!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Because of Love, Codependence, Life, Philosophies of Life, Poetry, Properties of Life, Unrequited Love

The Air, My Friend

On the need to hear that certain someone call out your names, and this is, codependence, it’s not good!  The column by Jimmi Liao, translated…

The wind blew by, the ears, floating along

The wind stopped, the ears hung down low.

The ears floated at the lobes, where’s the wind?

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, courtesy of UDN.com

空氣朋友。(圖/幾米)

Who cares where the wind comes from,

All I care about are the breaths of love

You’d called out to me, my ears floated up

You fell silent, my ears, drooped too

And so, this speaks, of that longing, for someone, or it can be interpreted becoming codependent on the love you feel for that certain someone, which isn’t good, I mean, think about it, if your ups and down is solely reliant off of someone else’s calling out to you, wouldn’t that be, too sad???

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Filed under Because of Love, Codependence, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life

The Landlady of the Rao River Night Market Beaten into a Coma by Her Own Son

Another BLOOD-SUCKING L-E-E-C-H we have here, as his families finally, CUT him off, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Man Couldn’t Get His Mother to Hand Over the Deeds to the Properties, the Neighbors Heard the Shrilling Cries, Called the Police.  The Police & Fire Department Broke in to Save the Woman, the Son Taken into Custody.

A man in Taipei, Jeng, couldn’t get his mother to sign over the deeds to the properties that she owned, in the midnight hours of last, he took a huge nail puller, hit his mother in her seventies until she was in a coma, his younger brother was beaten up by him too, the locals heard the shrilling “help us!”, they’d called the police, the police and fire department broke down the door and saved the injured mother and son pair, Jeng’s mother lost consciousness, was taken to the I.C.U. for observations, the district attorneys charged Jeng on domestic violence and attempted murder, and the courts mandated for his being taken into custody.

Based off of understanding, Jeng’s mother collected the rents from the Rao River Night Markets, has two sons and a daughter, after her husband died, she inherited the properties, the first floor, she’d rented the space to the shops, and lived on the second floor with her second son, and rented out the first and third floors to tenants.

Based off of understanding both of Jeng’s sons are unemployed, the eldest who was involved lives on the boundaries of Songshan and Xinyi District, at Huling Street, because he got into drugs, and had priors in drugs, he’d gone home often to ask for money, and demanded that his mother signed over the deeds to the properties, to attempt to get his hands on the family’s assets.

The fifty-year-old eldest son at around one in the morn, returned to his mother’s home, demanded that she signs over the deeds of the property that’s worth $20,000N.T.s, but the mother was already in bed, and not paid him any heed, and this caused Jeng to feel upset, he’d used the large nail puller, and attacked his mother’s head, hands, his mother lost consciousness.

This tragedy happened late at night, because the elderly screamed out the shrilling “HELP!”, the neighbors heard, and called the police immediately, as the officers arrived, nobody answered the door, but due to safety considerations, the police called over the fire department to break down the door to save the elderly.

As the police and firefighters entered, they’d found Jeng’s mother on the ground of the second floor bedroom, suffered severe head injuries, with blood over her, she’d lost consciousness, they’d sent her to the E.R. immediately, she regained consciousness, and is now, in the I.C.U., the second son who was injured, and ran to the balcony to call for help, suffered fractures on his wrist and hand, and arm.

The police subdued Jeng and arrested him, confiscated the nail puller that he used, the case is being reviewed as attempted murder from domestic violence.  The neighbors told, that Jeng was unemployed, not gotten along with his families, only when he ran out of money, would he return home, and asked for valuables from his own mother, and, they couldn’t imagine that as he got home late last night to get more money, that he’d, beaten up his family members when they refused to give him the money he asked for.

The attorneys said, that in the more severe cases of domestic violence, the families can file for an emergency protective order, and after the courts reviewed over the facts and believed that the abused are in immediate danger, then, they will issue the restraining orders in four hours, and contact the local stations to keep the records of the case on file.

And so, this, is what happens, because you allowed this son of yours to SUCK you dry all those years, and now, you’d finally decided that ENOUGH is ENOUGH, and he couldn’t get the money from you this time, and, he flew into a rage, and, started attacking you, and this is still caused by the parents’ spoiling their own young, because you allowed him to SUCK you dry before, so why would this time be any different?  That I think, was the main reason why this man had, blown up and attacked his family members.

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Codependence, Cost of Living, Life, Properties of Life, Spoiled Rotten, Spoiling Children

I Need You…

I need you, I’m desperate here, won’t you, help me out, come, to my aid, rescue me???

I need you, uh, that’s, nice, but, I don’t, have any need, for anything (instead of anyone, ‘cuz of the “downgrade”???) like you, and beside, nobody was EVER there for me when I needed someone to help me out, so, why the !@#$ (maxed out???) do I need to, be there for you right now, huh?

not an order like this…查看來源圖片image from online

I need you, but I sure as hell don’t, the only one I’ll ever need, is me, and I got me all right!!!  I need you, why?  ‘Cuz, you’re, supposed to, love me, for rich or for poor, in sickness & in health, ‘til death!  And, you can’t, break that promise you’d made to me!!!  Why not?  ‘Cuz you say so???  That’s NOT REASON enough, not for me!!!

So, this ends in then?  Let’s not have this god DAMN !@#$ING (maxed out???) discussion EVER again.

but more like, this, I suppose…查看來源圖片image from online

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Codependence, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dependency, Excuses, Loss, Vicious Cycle

When You’d Become, the Sum of My Parts

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I can’t, do without you, I’d become, totally, completely, hooked (woe would be me!!!).  When you’d become, the sum of my parts, we’d become, too intertwined, too, mingled together, like those balls of yarns that those kittens played with, without the supervisions of humans?  They end up, tangled up completely, unmanageable.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, it would be, super, duper hard, for me, to live without you, I’d grown, to rely on you, for every single one of my needs, and yet, you don’t, give me any, and so, I shall, die…

what that, looked like…查看來源圖片and it’s, still NOTHING good!  Photo from online

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, nothing’s, interchangeable, I gotta, have you in my life, or else, I will, die, I can’t even, go a second, without you on my mind, what am I, supposed to do, I think about you when I’m awake, and dream of you, when I sleep at night.

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, I’m destined, to get, SCREWED over, which is why, I’m now, working, too hard, to make SURE, that you don’t become, the sum of any part of who I turn out to be!

When you’d become, the sum of my parts, well, let’s see, how it’ll end, and I gotta feelin’: it ain’t, gonna end well, not for me one bit, and yet, I can’t, map out my brand new path, my path is, too entangled, with yours now………

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Codependence, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Excuses, Expectations, Lessons, Love Turned into Obsession, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Vicious Cycle

Because You Don’t Want to Die Alone…

Because you don’t want to die alone, seeing how, nobody WANTS to be alone, when they’re, still alive, why would anybody want to die, all alone on her/his own?  Because you don’t want to die alone, you’d started, imposing your imminent death onto someone you knew from long ago, and that person, was the only one, that you’d known, who’d, come to, your beck and call.

And because s/he allows you to control her/him like that, you’d, started taking advantage of the fact of how s/he couldn’t, turn you down or away.  Unbeknownst, you’d, started, using manipulative ways, to control the other person.  Because you don’t want to die alone, but, you know what, EVERYBODY dies alone, nobody (not even G-O-D) can help you through the passage from life TO death!

Because you don’t want to die alone, such, a selfish motive, still, you’d, used it, as a VALID excuse, a form of, rationalization, of how and why people, should treat you kind, because you’re dying, therefore, you DESERVED to be shown, some extra kindness, right???  WRONG!!!

Because you don’t want to die alone, well, when I die, I’d much rather be, alone, on my own, and, someone will find me, a little while, AFTER I’m dead and gone, and follow everything I would’ve, specified, in my will, to handle MY final affairs…

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Bad Behaviors, Codependence, Excuses, Letting Go, Life, On Death & Dying

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Codependence, Dependency, Despair, Enmeshment, Life, Loss, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Fate of a Woman, Wake Up Calls

Can’t Do without Your Smiles

Gotten so very used to, seeing your bright smile, greeting me good morning, that I can’t do without them now.  Can’t do without your smiles now, they’d become, a part of my day to day living, as we’d gotten closer to each other by the day, I’m finding myself, getting more intoxicated, by your love lately.

Can’t do without your smiles now, because, seeing that bright smile from you, lets me know, that I’m doing something right!  Can’t do without your smiles now, they’re way too important, for me, to live without, I can’t imagine a day, without seeing your bright and shiny smiles, they’d, lightened up my day for me.

Can’t do without your smiles now, I just, can’t imagine a life without you in my life, you’re everything that’s good, that I’d want in life.  Can’t do without your smiles now, can’t imagine how it is, that I’d gotten along my life without you, compared to before you first flashed that smile at me, my life faded into gray, from before I met you, and, when you smiled at me, looked my way, my world, it lit up!

Can’t do without your smiles now, why are you taking the only thing that makes my existence meaningful away?  Do you not realize, how important you are to me?  How can you be so fucking cruel?  Don’t leave me, without your smiles, I will, die for sure…

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Codependence, Messed Up Values, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship

If It’s His Ex-Girlfriend, Then, Why Must He Marry Her?

Troubled???  A Q&A, translated…

Q: Ms. C wrote…

Had allowed love to get to her head, couldn’t see the truth, Ms. C sent me a letter, she said, “the boyfriend doesn’t love ‘his current girlfriend’ (she’d especially labeled her as an ex-girlfriend); but his family forced him to marry her, because she’d lived with the family for over twelve years now, and, he must shoulder the responsibilities toward her.  They’d even told him, if after they’d married, and realized, that they still couldn’t get along, then, they can file for divorce, but, he just, can’t abandon her now.  If he doesn’t marry that ex of his, then, the boyfriend’s family threatened to cut him off, and wouldn’t allow him back into their household.”

C said, that her boyfriend is in love with another girl—it’s Ms. C.  she said, that her boyfriend and her are not only really much in love with one another, she’d kept waiting for him, to plan out their lives together.

And now, they’re “in waiting”, as the issues with the ex-girlfriend just couldn’t get resolved.  She wanted to know how she can resolve the stresses of her boyfriend’s family toward them, would his family really force them to split up?

My Advice

From Ms. C’s letter, I can understand, some unspoken truths, which was: her boyfriend was originally with his ex, or maybe, he’d gotten tired about being with her (or maybe, it’s normal), the boyfriend cheated with C, and, thought about, that he’d had to actually get married to C.

Whether it be a new love, or an old flame, or maybe, he’s just stalling, he is irresponsible, without the strengths, stamina, doesn’t want to be the bad guy who brings up the break up, so, he’d used his own family as a shield, and blamed it on them, to stall for awhile, then, he will used a more rash reason that’s made up by himself, “to break his own heart” and break up with C.  C, who is either too young, too naïve, or blinded by love, if she doesn’t wake up soon, maybe, she’d gobbled all his lies right up, and, became a “spare”, who’s waiting for her boyfriend to marry his girlfriend, until they’re divorced.

Simply stated, after the boyfriend had cheated and had his fun, he will still end up, marrying his “ex-girlfriend”, so, DON’T trust him!

And this, is where the trouble is, the woman is still too infatuated with the man, and she will gobble up ALL those LIES he’d sold her on, and, chances are, that she probably will STAY DORMANT, until it’s WAY too late, until the “ex-girlfriend” who’d become her “boyfriend’s” WIFE, and found out about them, and SUED, and, this woman still doesn’t HAVE a clue, because she’s way too BLINDED by L-O-V-E!

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Belief in a Just World, Betrayals, Broken Promises, Cause & Effect, Choices, Codependence, Commiting Adultery, Cost of Living, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Stupidity

Freeing My Heart From You

You took control, of my heart, and, I still have absolutely NO clue, of how you got to it, and I’d worked, so very god DAMN, FUCKING (and your point being????) hard, to free my heart from you.

Freeing my heart from you, this, was NO easy task, because my heart, it’d longed for you constantly, and endlessly, while my head knew, that you weren’t right for me, and so, my heart and my head became, dead-locked, in this battle, endlessly.

Freeing my heart from you, I will keep on working at it, until, my heart can break out, of that cage that you’d built up, to keep it locked up in, and, until it (my heart???) is free from your control, I will NEVER be able to, rest easy.

Freeing my heart from you, but, I can’t even, imagine my own life without you, how the HELL am I supposed to, free my own heart from loving you?  It’ll be hard, I reckon, but, I will do it, a day, at a time, until I’m completely done, with ALL those TWELVE steps.

Freeing my heart from you, I finally hard, and now, it (my heart) never get reminded of the heartaches you’d caused me, as it’d found, another, better, brand NEW man for it to give itself to……

Freeing my heart from you, I had, and, I feel, so free, because I can finally, live, without YOUR abuse, and I’m soaring, free here!  It’s amazing, this feeling of F-R-E-E!!!

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Betrayals, Broken Promises, Cause & Effect, Choices, Codependence, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Relationship, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls