The Keeper of the Temple that Helped Me Resolved My Doubts

Looking back through the years, finding the blessings you had been given, feeling grateful toward all who’d, helped your family, and now, you’re, paying it, forward…translated…

It was, forty-two years ago, back when my husband and I had been dating for three years then, we’d talked of marriage, and so my mother took me to a temple to ask.  My mother was illiterate, and I hadn’t had enough of worldly experiences yet, and can’t decipher the meaning of the verses of the slip I’d drawn out.

The man who’d helped decipher the meaning of the slip told my mother, “this marriage will be harder from the beginning, but there will always be someone who helped them out, and in the end, it will, be a good ending for both”, as my mother heard, she’d let go of her worries, and, agreed to marry me out.

After we were wed, the adjustment periods before our children were born, the adapting to one another’s personalities, the establishment of the relationship of me with my mother-in-law, along with our starting up our business, all of it tested me, as a new bride.  As Lunar New Year came, although I am a working woman, I’d still had to gone out early to shop for the items, to cook two large tables’ worth of foods, to pass the evaluation of everybody on my husband’s side.  I’d once cried in secret too, and felt like Cinderella, and objected to my husband too, “marriage IS, the tombstone of love”.  To the point of me getting into confrontation with my mother-in-law, and my husband just, left home, and he almost committed, suicide.  But, just like the man at the temple told  me, “when you are troubled, there will be those who will help you light the way”, the relatives, the coworkers, had always helped me a whole  lot, when I felt stuck, to help me get through the difficult, times.

With the births of my children, we’d put our wages to good use, and, three years later, we’d borrowed the amount for our home from our relatives without any interests, we’d purchased our own home; and, the smiles, the innocent laughter of our young children, it’d, made us feel, more blessed to have each other as family, and we’d, begun, tasting the sweet fruits of our, labor then.

We’d been married for forty-two years to date, and, we are referred to as the “it pair” by our friends, relatives and families.  I’m more than grateful for the man who’d managed the temple from my younger years, who’s, given me, that blessing, and grateful to all who’d offer me a guiding light in my marriage, that’s how the two of us, learned to, appreciate each other, and continue to live happily together.  More importantly, I’d often, reminded myself, that I can become, someone’s help when others are in need too.

And this is the act of, paying it forward, because you were helped by those around you, who’d offered you the assistance when you needed it the most, and you’d felt gratitude toward the kindness shown to you and your husband, and now, as you’d become, able to, you are paying it forward, lending those in need, a helping, hand too.

In Advance

A poem, on showing kindness to the outside, world around us, translated…

In a Room Not Bright Enough

The Fluorescent Light Feared the Light Too

Finding a Man of Legend

Who’ll Take You to Count the Seas

He Saw Your Shadow Before

Hiding Behind, Him

all it takes is…some attention on our, parts, to note that there may be a need, and just simply, offer that helping hand…video from YouTube

You Two Shared the Exact Same Sun

He’s Very Light, Light to Very Close

You Two Shared the Same Shoes

The Old Days Became a Guide Dog

If You Can Find a Stranger in Advance

Hand Him that Tiny Flower

Watching that Small Face

Looking Surprised & with the Smiles, Blooming Open

How you can make the day of someone you encounter, by these, tiny acts of, gentle, kindness, and yet, we all, often, neglected to know and to note, that a simple smile toward someone we don’t know, can actually, brighten up her/his day by a hell of a lot, so, we don’t, do that…

Good Neighbors

This is more important, than the residence being, at a, good location, because having a good neighbor is for life (if you plan to stay in your residence for a long, long, long time!)…translated…

The house next door had been on the markets for almost two decades, but, nobody asked about it.  Its balcony was taken over by my husband’s green thumb ventures, and the doorway became my children’s bicycle parking lot.  I’d originally, believed that we will keep on, owning this, dual duplex, but, five years ago, someone bought the place, and we’d, immediately, started the retreat, and, cleared off the lot we’d, taken over.

But, the neighbors who bump into each other every day in the stairs, are they, easy to get along with?  And, aren’t they, fearful of the fengshui of the residence, being, directly faced to, the roads?  Before we met face to face, I’d felt ill at, ease.

Firs time we’d bumped into each other was after I just showed, climbed up to the balcony of the roof, in my loose pajamas, ready to dump my laundry load into the washer, I’d heard my neighbor coming too, I still had the towel wrapped around my head.  At the moment, it was, quite, awkward, it was like the two of us were, seeing one another, naked, not knowing where we can, hide, and so, we’d, only, casually, nodded to one another, I’d pressed the start button on the washer, then, rushed back to my apartment then.  It seemed, that in the future, I’d needed to be, fully, dressed for these trips up to the roof then!

The time waiting for the garbage trucks that’s best of connecting, my new neighbors were the “Sheng’s”, my last name was “Wu”, we both had minority last names, after a few times of chit chat, I’d found, that we connected pretty well.  And she’d told me that she’d purchased this residence, because it was closer to her older sister’s, and secondly, the apartment was directly at the middle of the road, which is good, for to back her car right in to the garage.  And as I’d heard her reasons in thinking in reverse, I’d finally, felt, relieved, that my new neighbor wasn’t, anal at all!

this is what makes our properties, that much MORE, valuable…photo from online

Ms. Sheng loved the flowers and plants too, in a couple of years, the lanai is, blooming, especially the sweet olive that constantly gives off that aromatic scent, every time I went out, I’d, smelled it, and it’d, lifted up my moods.  Once I saw her clipping the hedges, I’d commended her on being a green thumb, that the plants on the lanai that my husband looked after, for twenty whole years, paled by comparison to hers.  She saw me picking up a malnourished pot of thyme, she’d taken the plant from my hand, said she’ll, nurse it back to health for me.  If only, I’d, become neighbors with her, a whole lot, earlier!

And ever since, “sharing” became our secret code.  Every now and then, the surprise would, show up on my doorsteps, either the seasons fruits, vegetables, or the items stewed by her, or the famous delicacies from all over the places.  And, because we don’t really get to catch each other when we’re both at home, so we’d, used LINE to let each other know, that things had been, placed, and, we’d still, received the kindness from one another, even if we don’t see each other face to face for days on end.

Being blessed to be neighbors with Ms. Sheng, although we’re not yet at the familiar of “Mi Casa Su Casa” yet, nor is going to sit in one another’s home regularly our thing.  But this, a bit connected, but not too clingy, this just right distance, was the fundamental basis, for setting up the amicable relationship with the neighbors.

So, this is how, you’d been blessed with a good neighbor, and surely, there were, the anticipations of what each other would be like, and how you would interact with one another, well or awful, but once you got to know each other, and found that you two had things in common, the rest is, history, and now, you’re, relating to one another, on a regular basis, and, it is, a blessing to have the good neighbors, not all of us are as blessed, to have good neighbors, and so, we must, cherish the amicable relations with them, if we ever get to have these, well-rounded, interactions with our, neighbors.

Leaving Something Behind for This World: No Act of Kindness is Too Small

These are, the seemingly, unimportant acts of kindness that these individuals showed toward their local communities, and those around them who are, in need, but it all adds up to something major, no acts of kindness is too small!  Translated…

My neighbor, Mr. Chang and his wife, are both over seventy, whenever the weather’s good enough, they’d, gone out, with the long tongs in one hand, plastic bags in their other hands, followed the sidewalk around our local community, and started, picking up the disposed of garbage, the plastic cups, the cigarette boxes, the used masks, the broken glass containers that may injure someone, they’d seen as eyesores, and, once they’d discovered these things, in a jiffy, they’d, picked them all, up.

I’d commended them on their goodwill, helping us to keep our living community neat and tidy, but they’d told me, “it’s no big deal, it a way to get the exercises we needed, in.”  but, is it, something, small?  After Mr. Chang retired from his job as a mail carrier, he’d started involving in the above-described “exercise routine”, his wife and his means to keep the environment cleanly, isn’t a best form of present for the earth? 

There’s a relative of mine, M who lives in Miaoli, later, as he’d come of age, he’d started a business, and a family, living in Sinchuang.  Every time he’d come back home, he’d handed me an envelope, with two, to three thousand dollars, hoped that I could, donate the amount to the students in need on his behalf.

Such kindness and good will, he is an employee of a factory, moved away out of his hometown, but still wanted to do what he can, to take care of the younger children back here.  Although the donations he’d made were in huge sums, but, the children who are living in poverty, because of the money, they got their hot breakfasts provided, and for those students who couldn’t afford the graduation trips, with his donation, they got to go, and now, as M entered into his elderly years, he’d continued giving back, using his actions, he’s telling the world, that everybody can help somebody.

And, these are, only a few examples from the writer’s immediately living environments, you don’t have to go ALL out to give back to the communities you are living in, you only need to pay a little extra attention, to see what you can do, to make your local areas better, picking up that piece of trash lying on the pavements, that’s a way, and although, it’s such a tiny act, it still counts.  No kindness is too small to get noted, and besides, all the tiny acts of kindness, add up into, something MAJOR.

Mom’s Allowance

The purpose of money, is to spend it, to make you, happy, whatever you want it to be used for…and this woman, donated the allowances given to her by her, daughter, and spent the amount to help others…translated…

The weather’s turned colder, I’d taken out the cotton shirt left by my mother to put on, as I’d reached into the pockets, I’d found, multiple receipts of her donations to the various charitable foundations.  There were the notable temples, the orphanages, the chartable, foundations………….

Or, maybe, it’s because she was born in a family with nothing to offer, I’d gotten a taste of everything that’s bad in my life, when I started earning in the wage, I’d, given my parents the allowances, even if they were in small amounts, I’d believed, that it was, better than, nothing.

After dad passed, I’d still kept up the rituals of giving allowances to mom, although she’d told me, that she had had enough to live off of, that there’s nothing she needed the money, for, besides, she’d, saved everything I’d given her from before!  I’d always, consoled with her, to put a little extra in her pockets when she went out, to feel more, secure, that when she sees something she wanted to eat or to have, she could, buy the items to make herself happy, she’s aging now, it’s best, that money can, make her, happy.

putting the money her daughter gave to her for allowances to good use

like this…photo from online

But my mother kept to her, frugal, means, rarely, spent anything I’d, given to her, I’d reminded her, that money is for the sake of using, so long as she’d not hurt anybody with it, no matter what she does with the money, it’s all, for a good, cause.  Later as I’d gone back to visit with her at home, she’d started, sharing with me, what new things she’d had to consume, or how she’d, spent, a few hundred dollars, with our neighbor to travel for the day.  Every time I saw that glow on her face, I was so happy that I’d gotten, teary, eyed.

Sometimes she’d told me, that a member of the family is having a birthday, or there was a newborn baby of a relatives, she’d sent in the presents, the money to congratulate them, and sometimes, when the monks came by her door, she’d, donated to them too…………

In the past, I’d only heard her using the allowances I’d given her to use them to keep the connections with others going, never heard her donating to charitable causes.  And now, as I saw all these, receipts, I’d found, that she, who’d loved helping others out, had been, doing just that, without anybody’s, knowing.

So, this is how this woman, spent the allowances given to her by her own young, she’d, donated the amount, to those in need, and, spent some, to make herself happy, and that’s the right way to use money, and this woman left a legacy of acts of kindness, helping those in need behind for her young to model after.

Putting the Donations to, Good, Use

The tale of an amazing, cycle of, kindness, that started with the, school instructor, which the student received, and now, as the student became able-bodied, she’d, given to those younger generations of children who are growing up in poverty, to help them get a, proper education, so they won’t keep on, living in that vicious cycle of being raised in, poverty…translated…

My friend, M is an educator for years, not only does she work hard in instructing her students, she’d also, put everything she had into interacting with them, after the students graduated, to starting in life, families, they’d, returned back to school to visit with her often.

Awhile ago, a student, S who works for an international trade company, S, asked M out for lunch.  S told her, that he’d returned from his travels, and had bought something to give to her, told her, that she can only open the present as she’d, arrived, home.

As M got home, she’d, unwrapped the present, it was a box of 100-percent chocolate, she’d thought, that her student was, thoughtful, knowing how she’d, loved the chocolates pure.  But, as she’d picked up the chocolates, she’d discovered in her surprise, that there were two huge stacks of, thousand dollar bills, she’d counted them, a total of $200,000N.T. in cash!

“Why did he give me money?”, M was surprised, thankfully, there was, a card, attached, the contents of what’s written in the card was how S was grateful for her instructor for turning her life around, she was from a lesser background, and only wanted to have the bare minimal to live off of, she’d never considered her own, futures.  In her middle school years, her homeroom instructor was M, and M had, found that English was S’s strong suit, so she’d, bought her the study guides; applied for her student to get the free meals at school, found the extra support of money for her afterschool study programs; and used the various “excuses”, to give her the allowances for spending, said it was her wages for part-timing work.  And, moreover, she’d cared for her after she’d graduated from middle school, and gave her the assistance, help she’d needed, on everything in her, life, that everything she had, everything she’s, become, graduated from the grad school programs, finding a steady job, and now, she’s, taking care of her own families’ living, needs, she’d owed it all to, her school instructor.  That the cash amount, paled by comparison to what she’d, received from her, instructor, that she must, accept her gift, with the P.S., “my parents gave me life, but my teacher loved me.”

M’s eyes got misty after she’d read the card, she’d immediately contacted S, stated that she’d understood her heart, but, she couldn’t, accept the, cash.  S stated to M, if she’d sent the cash back to her, she will, get, mad!

helping the younger generations to get a better education…illustration from online

After thinking on it closely, M went to visit the man in charge of her local borough, and discussed the matter with him, asked if there are children who are in need of, financial support in the, neighborhood, and gave out two laptops to the community college students who are, studying hard, but without the means to purchase the needed laptop that can help them have the needed equipment for school; and the remaining amount, was set up as a fund for the middle school student who was raised in poverty, with only his grandmother at home, to help him get through his, education.

M told the young man whom he’d given the money to to write a letter to her student, S, as the cares and concerns from an unknown stranger is, especially, precious, S is also, glad to see her instructor, M’s, arrangements, working out.  As M shared the tale with me that afternoon, I’d felt warmed on the, inside, a student who knew to show gratitude for her instructor’s helping her, a loving school teacher, this world is, with more good will and, is now, more beautiful than, before.

An amazing tale, of how the lives are, changed, with this school instructor’s, simple care and concern toward her student, and now, the student is, giving back, just as she’d been shown the love, the care and the, concerns from her, school teacher, this is how the cycle of kindness will, continue.

Becoming a Gift to This World

On the legacies we leave, behind, what will it be???  Money, good will, hope?  What is, the most important thing, that you want to, leave behind, for the, world???  Translated…

Because of work, I met a ton of philanthropists who showed kindness to this, world.  Their dreams are not to set up a colony on Mars, to go to the deepest part of the oceans to explore, nor, building a city without humans, but, how to make the planet less awful, or, to ensure, that in decades time, some people can and will, change for the, better.

For instance, a philanthropist would walk in the mountains for three hours, to see if there are, any changes to the farm in the distant regions he’d given to had, improved or not.  There’s one, who’d, used his influence and connection in his field of work, donated the medical needs of masks, equipment, through the non-diplomatic means, not only did he save the lives, he’d also set up the interactions of the two countries.  Recently, I’d, discussed with them, how we can, help the children who’d become orphaned in the pandemic.  Most of these children’s parents, are medical professionals on the frontlines, and, most of these children are too young, to not realize, that their parents are, gone already.  And, comparing to our means of managing them as cases, they’d only reminded us of two things: if they were your own children, how will you tell them?  How do you systemize telling them what happened to their parents?  These two are completely, contradictory to me: how would the parents sought out a model to raise their own young!  Every child is unique, with the different resources that each individual child needs, and, parents would, need to, help them find their own ways in life that’s best fitted to them individually.  How can this be by the book, systematic, and one-size-fit-all? Later, we’d worked with the local not-for-profit organization, set up a set of support systems, and, it actually, became, systematic by the day.

giving back to the communities, making this world better…photo from online

Another philanthropist, had hoped that the amount donated can be put into setting up a hospital. “What system?”, this is word with such wide meanings, I’d become, somewhat, confused.  “It’s easy to get the hardware going, but, the software in this hospital was, lacking.  For instance, there’s not enough of the nursing staff members, long hours of work, and, when these nurses worked too long, then, chances are, they would make the errors more easily, this is NOT the problem with the nursing staff, but with the systems.  I want my donation to help them find a long-term means of operations.”  And suddenly, I’d become, more, knowledgeable, and, nobody knows, how long it’s going to take, to set up such, a system of operations, and the complexities is, unimaginable, how long does he plan to work on this?  And yet, after few rounds of discussions, we were actually, able to find a series of plans to enforce, from going abroad to observe, slowly, they’d develop a working means to operate.  And, there were the philanthropists, who, at the final moments in their, lives, still told us how they’d wanted their donations to be, used, helping the universities to set up a stronger kinesiology department.  Even as the person was already, gravely ill, even if the paperwork, everything is already, set to go with the professionals, he’d insisted on visiting the university personally, to ensure that the school knows what he’d wanted to, give to it.

When we oversaw the endowments of American philanthropists, in the process of discussion, we understand what they cared about the most.  They rarely boasted about their amazing achievements from before, and all the matters on the taxes, they’d already, set everything up with their, attorneys prior, “What I will leave behind for the world” is what they cared about the most, what they’d, stressed.  After I’d become acquainted with a certain philanthropist, I couldn’t help but asked, “what will happen to your offspring?  Don’t you want to leave something behind for them too?  As an emergency fund, even.”, he’d responded, “the money won’t give them any help that they’re, in need, of”.  And most of these are the entrepreneurs, I think when they were younger and working hard, they’d only considered the benefits.  And, this sort of a mindset still didn’t change until the very end, it’s just, that now, it’s, directed toward a different targeted group, from before, they may have the development of their enterprises in mind, and taking care of their, employees, and now, it’d become, “how do I benefit this world”.  It’s so very cool, to work hard, to ensure what they’d worked so hard to gain, becomes, a gift to the, world!

And so, this is on the motives to do good, because we want to leave a legacy, because we want to make a difference in the lives of those who come after us, because we want to contribute what we can (maybe it’s quite small!), to make this world a better place, and that, is the shared state of mind of all these, entrepreneur, philanthropists that this writer had come into contact with, shared, and we need more people like these, because this world is too driven by personal benefits, and greed too.

The Time to be Kind to Someone in Need is NOW

How seeing an elderly woman, who can’t afford to purchase the simple meals, made her more empathetic, and driven to help others in need more…translated…

The drizzling rain came again, as work let out, passed by the door of the packed meal shop, I saw the elderly woman who made a living off of collecting the recycling materials wandering, her hunched back gazed toward the whiteboard that had, “No more compassion packed meal boxes today”. She seemed to be caught in a difficult, situation then, placed her hand into her pocket a long, time, as I passed by her, I saw the stacks of cardboard boxes in her shopping cart, covered only with the plastic bags, and, she’s getting them, wet.

I’d, imagined, that the elderly woman didn’t have enough  for a meal box, and that script started, rolling in my, mind then, and I’d thought of, I should, pull the money out, to purchase a packed meal for her?  And the signal for the pedestrian passing turned green then, out of reflex, I’d, propped up my umbrella, and crossed the streets, as I got home, I couldn’t, shake off the image of the elderly woman, wandering outside the door of the cafeteria.

Many days later, my good friend, Wen and I went out for some tea, and she’d told me of how a local woman who picked up after the recycling materials, couldn’t make enough to buy food.  Wen lives in Wanhwa, and, her home is right next to the recycling yard that closed at the start of the year, she’d bumped into the elderly who’d collected the recycling materials often, with the rusted shopping carts that they’d pushed around, in it, the stacks of cardboard boxes, plastic bottles, in exchange for the needed spare change they’re, living off from day, to day.  Wen told me, “one kilogram of materials only gets them three, to five measly, dollars.  One meal costs twenty to thirty recycled materials; it’s quite difficult to imagine, that in this time of economic affluence, people are living like this, but this, is what I encounter day to day.”

“Last Day of Operations will be December 25^th, thank you for all of your, support!”, that was the large black in bold letters on a pink poster said, posted in front of the bulletin board outside of the steel-roofed shack of the recycling yard, this was, thunder and lightning to those who picked up the scrap metals, the recycling materials to make their ends, meet.

Wen then used her cell phone, found the newspaper article for me to read, “the owner of the junk yard couldn’t do a thing, he kept on getting reported, he’d gone all over the places, to try to keep these individuals who are having in hard, to have their livelihoods provided for them, but, no one was willing, to, stand with them, look at how cold and cruel this world, became”.  Wen’s words, hit my heart really hard.  “on every cart, there’s just not the weightiness of the junk, but all of their, stories, the hardship of, their, lives, too.”

Is it, a coincidence?  That I keep on seeing the elderly woman in front of the cafeteria, kept, recalling the tale of the aunty, and I’d, regretted, not lending them a helping hand at the time.  “What they longed for, was never a whole lot, but only the most basic, stability of life.”  Who would be willing, to wander the streets, to walk around hungry at their, age?  I shall, take this lesson I learned today, and start, exercising my ability to lend a helping hand, a packed meal box is something small, but it’s, huge enough, to warm up someone’s, heart.  Starting with my self, I shall, pass the acts of kindness, all around me.

And so, these are the lesser, who are, living, below the poverty lines, that we usually don’t give a second look to when we pass them by, but, think about it, WHO, in their right states of mind, would want to, live like this, especially in one’s own, elderly years, and, all that’s needed, is something tiny, a few dollars of foods that we can give to those in need, from the local food shops.  But do we stop, and pay attention to these people, who live, below the poverty lines?  Of course N-O-T, as we all got, too much on our, minds.

An Elder Who’d Left an Everlasting Impression

Because she’s an example, of a loving adult to all who are, younger…translated…

Two and a half years ago, I’d written an article, “The Likable Elder”, for my elderly, 106 year-old neighbor, Grandma Wang, on how she’d gotten along on her home, living alone, how she was, very likable; and on this day, we’d, gone to her funeral on the verge of her turning, a hundred and nine.

With no next of kin, we couldn’t begin to imagine how the turn out would be.  The man in charge of the borough, who’d looked out for Grandma Wang told, that as she’d lived until almost 110, a combined ceremony wouldn’t be fitting for her, that he was going to have a special funeral for her alone!  I was a bit worried, that if people came to pay their final respects, who will stand in as the ushers to greet those, mourners?

In the funeral service, the man in charge of the borough, and the younger generation who were neighbors to Grandma Wang, whether if they’re in Taiwan, or overseas, all sent the flower baskets, the funeral was decorated, it was warm, and without any, scent of her being an elderly who lived alone.

The funeral home provided us with the black robes, asked if there are the offspring?  We’d told the funeral service, that she had no next-of-kin, and the person hosting the services told us, that if we are willing, we can wear the robes as her, adopted children.  Huan, who often visited her, the brother and sister pair, the Yang’s that live next door to her, I, my older sister who’d rushed over from Kaohsiung, along with the daughters of the Chiao family who’d come back every year from the U.S. to visit her, we’d all raised our hands, said we all wanted the robes.

A social worker from a charity who’d visited grandma regularly told, that she was in awe, that there were, so many of us who are willing to dress in the robes, which showed how loved, how cherished grandma was.  What’s more moving, was a social worker who’d made the meal deliveries to Grandma, although already transferred to other units, not only came for the funeral, she saw grandma all the way, to the towers.  She’d told, that she will, forever keep grandma’s cares and concerns for her in her heart for as long as she shall live.

On grandma, everybody has the heartwarming, memories that’s, special and unique to each individual, being with her was like back in our parents’ arms, being loved, cherished, concerned over.  She’d always told us, to get back home to be with our own loved ones, that she was okay on her own, to not worry over her that much.

On the day, in the moment when the rains and winds of the typhoon took that break, we’d recalled what grandma taught to, us.  We’d bid farewell to this, wonderful, loving, kind, and wise elder, and formally, our childhoods all, came to an, end as well.

How this elderly woman made such a difference to the lives of all whom knew her in life, and this still showed, how you don’t really need to have children, you can have them, they’re, all around you, the younger generations that you come into contact with, you can care for them, and surely enough, they will be grateful for you, for loving them, and you would have, taught them the lesson of giving, of love, that they will keep to heart forever.

The Miracles of, Love

How the children would, observe, and follow the adults’ behaviors in interacting with their, elders…why it’s important, that we all, show respects to our aging family members like we’re supposed to…translated…

My mother-in-law had three daughters, two sons, my husband was the youngest, because we are both full-time employees, after our son was born, my mother-in-law quit her job, to care for her grandson, and, we started, living as, an extended, family.

With my in-laws’ growing older, their health deteriorating, they’d had to visit the hospitals more and more frequently.  I’d discussed with my husband, hoping that my in-laws can from time to time, live at my eldest brother-in-law’s home too, so we can, have a, breather.  But my husband felt, that my in-laws had lived with us for more than twenty years to date, moving to his eldest brother’s, both won’t be, comfortable.  But to soothe me, he’d told me, “then, how about, you go to your parents and stay for a whole months, to, travel abroad for a whole month for vacation time?”, because in the days, I only needed to make the lunches, and suppers for my in-laws, taking them to the doctors, emptying their pans, nail clippings, my husband took care of, I didn’t say anything on it anymore.

illustration from UDN.com

Before the end of year two years ago, my mother-in-law had surgery because of her arrhythmia, and, it took over one hour extra than what was expected, and, she’d stayed in the I.C.U. for many more days, the hospital sent the critical condition notice, and we’d still held on to that hope.  My mother-in-law’s children took turns, offering her the encouragements in the I.C.U. at visiting time. And, my husband also, turned my mother-in-law’s bedroom into a handicapable space for her.  I’d told my son, that as he’d gone into see his grandmother, to tell her, that we’d, set up her room at home, and we’re all, waiting her to get better, to come, home.  And, like a miracle, my mother-in-law recovered, two days later, she was transferred to the normal ward, and, successfully got, discharged.  As my mother-in-law returned home, I, my second youngest, and third youngest sisters-in-law took over in caring for her, with my husband to the side, assisting, my mother-in-law, who hated being a burden, although already at ninety, used her strong will, to work hard in physical therapy, it took her only one month, from being bedridden, to being able to feed herself, and walk, and our lives are, back to, normal.

At the start of March this year, my mother-in-law got hospitalized again due to heart failure, I was in the hospital, taking care of her, as we were conversing, she’d told me, “a few days ago, Chih-Ming (my husband) helped me pour out my bedpan, he’d not looked disgusted, instead, he’d, smiled.”, I’d become, confused, and asked, “the feces smelled bad, why did he smile?”  she’d told me, that he saw that the colors and the shape were healthy, he was, glad!

From before, I only saw my husband helping my mother-in-law with the needs of life, giving her the foods she’d enjoyed, actually, my husband fulfilled what Confucius believed to be, the most, difficult of filial piety!

My husband looked after my mother-in-law with so much care and concern, and our children saw it, whenever they’d gone traveling, they started, bringing home the local delicacies for their elders too.  Once, my mother-in-law couldn’t stop coughing, my youngest quickly, patted her back down, asked, “what’s wrong, grandma?”, suddenly, I’d, felt moved, from before, I’d deemed my husband foolish, that he’d, shouldered the burdens of caring for his elders on his, own, and, as I saw what my sons were doing, I’d felt, that I’d needed to, stop calculating, to not think about fairness, I have a household that’s, full of, love, and that’s, beyond, comparison to anything else.

So, this, is how the children are still, watching us, adults, on every move we make, like how this woman’s sons, took after their father, in showing the tentative care and concern toward their, grandmother, and this man became, a perfect role model for his own young.