The Charcoal Suicide Attempts Ended in the Older Brother Dying, the Younger Brother Being Spared, the Courts: This Case will Not be Ruled in the Trial-by-Jury

The law’s more humane side, in considering that this case should NOT be tried by a jury, because it considered that it wouldn’t be fitting, to put the families through what happened to their loved ones, again, and besides, the man who’d killed his brother got amputated, and will be in assisted living for the rest of his years…the more humane side of the law that’s normally, cold is shown in this particular, case here…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

As the Younger Brother’s Life Was Spared, He Was Amputated, Charged on Artificial Suicide, Admitted to His Wrongdoing, the District Attorneys and the Defense Shared the Beliefs on Giving Him a Reduction of Sentence

Another long-term care, tragedy.  A pair of brothers in Tainan, the older, due to his illness,  became, immobilized, and wasn’t able to, work, the younger brother had been his sole caretaker for years on end, and became, tired physically and psychologically, the younger brother took his older brother to commit suicide, the neighbors found them, and notified the police, the older brother died, and the younger was spared, and now, he’s being, indicted on artificial suicide charges, to prevent him from getting traumatized again, his attorney filed for the courts to not use a system of jurors, the Tainan District Court, based off of the context of the case, approved.

On February 6^th of last year, the brothers didn’t come out of their homes for the entire day, the neighbors found it to be odd, notified the police, and as the police came, and entered into the residence, they’d found the older brother, lying on his side, dead on the bathroom floors, the younger was still with a pulse, there were the charcoal found in the residence, after the younger brother was saved, he got his legs amputated, couldn’t live on his own, and he was indicted on charges of artificial suicide by the district attorneys’ office.

The attorney believed, that the man had been under long-term duress, that was unimaginable to the outside world, and needed more time to rehabilitate, to recover from his injuries, and had a mental condition a well, that if the process of trial by jury is set, considering the family’s situation, the specifics of the man’s illness will be known to the public by the press reporting, and this would be a damage on him a second time.

The district attorneys point out, that the defendant admitted to what he’d done truthfully, and the attorney only asked for his clients to be on probation, the district attorney was with no opinions of it.  If the courts verified that this is not a trial by jury case, then, it could keep the family members from reexperiencing the traumas of what had happened.  The families told the courts, that they’d hoped to use a regular trial case, and, begged the courts for a not-guilty verdict.

The Tainan District Court pointed out, that the defendant was asked to kill the deceased, out of promising him to, legally, this constitutes as artificial suicide, and, the terms serve in prison if convicted is one to seven years in prison.  The defendant, due to how he was amputated now, is living in a nursing home currently, and, there’s no chance of him, offending again, the courts’ deciding on probation or free of serving a prison sentence objectively to the defendant, it makes no difference.

The D.A. argued that based off of the facts, if the probation terms is founded, if this would have an effect on the jury systems, that there’s room for discussion of whether or not this case gets tried by a jury.

The Collectivist Courts pointed out, that the defendant and the families, had been greatly impacted by what had happened in this case, they feel the most profound, on the impacts of the crimes, that the courts should consider how the trial process would, impact the families, and, measure the sentence terms, then, the laws can get closer to the understanding of the people, and gain the trust of people, in that the laws will punish those who’d done, wrong.

The Collectivist Courts weighed the rights of the defendant, and the amount of efficacy in using the resources allotted to the case, believed, that it would be proper, if the system of jury would not be used.

And so, this is, how this man’s killing his brother, because he’d become, too tried from taking care of him, and his own health conditions added to his stresses, that the courts considered the facts, and from a more humanitarian angle, decided to not have this case tried by the jury, because it saves the families from reexperiencing the traumas of losing their loved ones, of having to sit through the gruesome details of how the murder had occurred.  So in this case, the laws became, more, humane…

The Morality of Euthanasia, Using the Medical Professionals’, Hands Shue: Euthanasia Should NOT Be Advocated by the Department of Health & Welfare

If the agency that’s responsible for all things medical isn’t, MAN enough, to HANDLE this “debate”, then, who do WE the people have, to count on, on these sorts of, matters, huh???   How this DDP government, still, pushes, that BUCK, around, refusing to, TAKE the responsibilities for WHAT we the people, voted them into office for her…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The National Treasure Level Sculptor, Chu because he was fed up with the illnesses, the pains, was suspected of not being able to withstand the trials of his physical conditions anymore, committed suicide on the twenty-second of this month, this shocked all the artistic and literary industries here, and all around, the world as well, which struck up the debate of, “euthanasia”, again, toward this, the head of Department of Health Sanitary & Welfares, Shue stated at the legislature, “the debate of euthanasia should NOT be based off of being ill too long and wanted it all to end”, besides, to persuade the physicians to euthanize the patients, “would cause the ethics of physicians to come into conflict with what they’d been trained to do”, that it should NOT be pushed forth by the Department of Sanitation Welfares.

from before, when the vaccines we needed, can’t get here, on time…photo from online

The legislator, Weng mentioned in the committee discussions yesterday, how these cases of being ill too long, with patients taking their own lives keep on recurring; the legislator, Chiu also pointed out, that the country had already implemented the “hospice medical treatment regulations”, “the right to decide of the patients themselves”, stressing that the laws are respectful of the will of the patients, in protecting them in having an easy death, that you can set a living will up with the medical hospitals for it, but on the means of “accelerating deaths, assisting suicide”, comparing to other countries, we would need to get a wider spectrum of professional opinions, and would have to continue the discussion on the matter with the society.

The filmmaker in France, Jean Luc Godard, the senior sports cast, Fu, both chose to head to Switzerland to get euthanized.  And there are three kinds of euthanasia: “proactive euthanasia”, with the physicians injecting the patient with lethal medications to speed up the process of death, “passive euthanasia”, the physicians’ removing the life support systems, and, “assisted suicide”.

Chiu used the Netherlands that set up the laws to allow for the individuals to carry out one’s own euthanasia, the patients must be willing, and the applications of euthanasia needed to be reviewed over carefully, and the conditions of the patients unable to withstand any more pains from ones’ illnesses, and there’s no way for the conditions to improve in the futures, and, there’s the need for second opinions from other medical professionals, and the qualifications, the procedures, all went through the debating, discussion process by the medical professionals, the legal and ethics, “this country needs to continue discussing this matter.”

when the government does NOT allow us to DIE with OUR dignities still INTACT! Photo from online

Shue told, that it’s awful, that the master sculptor, Chu had taken his own life, but the point of euthanasia is in “getting someone else to help to end one’s own life”, and if the medical professionals should do it, it’s, debatable, and, this goes against the Hippocratic Oath the medical professionals had taken, even if laws passes to allow for euthanasia, there would be no physicians, willing to implement.  On the perspectives of the Department of Health & Welfare, it’s “quite odd” to persuade the medical professionals to break the rules of ethics; in comparing, the patients’ rights act, with the choices of hospice and painless treatments, it can resolve the conflicts with the law, and ethics, at least, it would, rule out, “passively doing nothing to offer the resuscitation measures.”

And so, this is how the Department of Health & Welfare, still passed this HOT potato to someone else, evading ITS, responsibilities, and, this IS the government branch that sets up all the rules for treatment measures, and, because it can’t handle this “debatable” and “ethical” issue, it’d, passed it, around, giving US, that run-around still, and how do we expect this god damn government that can’t even get all the needed vaccines (remember how we were taking the unwanted HANDOUTS from other countries, when the shipments were, late again, because the Department of Health Welfare & Sanitations, DELAYED its, response as the pandemic, started, what???  Three years ago was it???

So this is still, SHIT!

Do We Resuscitate, or Do We, Let, Go?

The end is, near!!!  As the moment came to decide, and all of you, her children can’t, reach, that consensus to unplug or to keep her “plugged in”…translated…

That was, a day of chaos, of trials!  At the start, my eldest brother posted the message of mom experiencing stomach pains in the Family Group on LINE, in the afternoon, everything started, losing, control—mom was in a coma with a high fever, my eldest brother called up the ambulance, took her to the E.R., the E.R. said her blood pressure’s too low, needed a shot, C.T., the physician diagnosed our mother as shock from sepsis, and multiple organ failure, inflammation of her gall bladder, to the medical professional’s asking us if we want intubation, or use the defibrillator………..as all five of us arrived outside of the I.C.U., we were, faced with the signing of the D.N.R., to NOT have the medical professionals perform C.P.R. on her.

The nurse told us, “you guys should discuss this, these are the measures that the hospital will perform for the emergency resuscitations, there may be intubation, injection of the emergency life-saving medicines, shock, and chest compressions, etc., etc., etc.  If you all don’t agree to these measures, then, sign on this piece of paper.”

We all started in discussion.  “I think intubation is okay, but no electrodes.”, “Or, no intubation?  Mom’s already eighty-eight……….”, the sniffling of voices started up.  “Let’s think on it some more………”  “Don’t you all want to at least try to save her, once!”  the roar came.  Followed by the, cries, “How can you say that?”

is this, what you want your loved ones to endure in their final stage of life??? This is what intubation looked like! Photo from online

Ahhhhhhhhhh, I’d come back home to visit with mom a few days ago, we’d laughed, and I’d, done some simple exercises with her too, how did the world turn upside down so fast?  We are all, quite aware, that those of us who wanted mom to stay, are because we don’t want to lose her yet, and, those who wanted to sign the do-not-resuscitate, we don’t want to see her suffer any longer.

To keep her alive?  Or to let her, go?  Of course, I’d wanted to, try to save her, once, at least, and yet, I keep seeing how she’d lost her consciousness, with the mask over her mouth and nose, pumping the oxygen into her, and all those, tubes in her body, the ureter bag, with the machines by her hospital, bed……………..I don’t want mom to be kept alive by the machines, I think, what I want, for her, is for her to die, with as least pains as she possibly can.

And so, some of you guys wanted to save her, and some of you don’t want to see her suffer, and you and your siblings are, deadlocked, and, keeping someone alive like this, is, simply, way too, inhumane, think about it, who would want to live longer, if s/he lost consciousness, and is connected by the tubes, to the, machines, and by keeping your mother alive, you’re, keeping her here physically, and elongating her suffering, and she will be trapped longer, by her, ailing body, and that’s just, not, humane, would YOU want to be kept alive on the machines?

Do I Let You Go, or Do I, Not???

Seeing you, growing weaker, weaker, becoming, less and less, than what (instead of a who now???) you were from before, I’d caught between letting you go and making you stay.

Do I let you go, or do I, not???  And, I gotta say, it makes me feel powerful (muah-haha, my EVIL laugh!), to have your lives in my hands.  But, do I let you go, or do I, not???  I mean, I can, just, pull that tube off of your oxygen mask, and put you out, of both our, miseries, but I really don’t want to get charged with, murder, but, that means, that you would have to, keep on, living with that, dying breath of yours, not yet, “expired”.

and that would be what that, looked, like…photo from online

So, what do I do, huh???

Do I let you go, or do I not???  It’s really, not up to me here, ‘cuz I am NOT G-O-D, nor would I, want to be, I’m just, an “innocent bystander” (am I now???) to your life, watching all of this, circle ‘round, flashing by, in a, huge, B-L-U-R…

Do I let you go, or do I, not???  Can I get back to you on that, I’m still, thinking about the “right” answer here, ‘cuz I wouldn’t want that SOLID F on my “grade report”.

Letting Go, the HARDEST, Decision

On difficult decisions of terminal care, because it’s hard, and we will all have to face something like this at one time in our lives or another, maybe with our own loved ones, maybe, when we get older ourselves…translated…

In This Process of “Letting Go”, it’s Next to Impossible for Those Who Aren’t in the Process to Know What Goodbye is Like………

The idiom of “long-term sickness brings NO good son”.  There’d been the news reports on this matter, and, most of the people after hearing, they’d only felt chilled, or, that it was only, matter-of-fact.  But in the medical realm, we watched the younger generations shouldered up the responsibilities of caring for their elders until the end; and yet, with the worsening of the elders’ conditions, the caretakers usually felt burned out, and started thinking of “letting go”.  And, in this process of letting go, the heavy heart of the love for ones’ next-of-kin, and the sense of responsibilities, nobody on the outside can understand.

Insomnia is the Norm

Mr. Chen is seventy-six, eight years ago, he’d started dialysis, because he was the C.E.O. of a company, even as on Wednesdays he was due for the procedures, he’d still gone to his office to make the rounds first, visiting his old clients regularly.

At the start of last year, he’d started feeling the lower back pains, at first, he thought it was sciatica, after he had an MRI, it was the granulomatous spondylitis, and even as the surgery helped alleviate the symptoms, but, because he was bedridden too long after the surgery, his an elder, and a dialysis patient too, losing his muscle mass had greatly reduced his physical activity levels, and in the end, he’d needed his family to help him get through the days of his normal living.

illustration from UDN.com

This authority in business, a C.E.O., suddenly became someone who can’t control his own body, a patient, Mr. Chen’s moods altered as well.  But, as his families considered placing him into a nursing home facility, Mrs. Chen decided to shoulder all of his care on other own.

As she’d come in to get her insomnia treated, I’d asked her, if her body could take it?  She’d said, she’s older, and as her husband hollered, she’d had to go to him quickly, surely, there was, enormous stress on her, in the past six months, she’d started feeling the strains.  But, thinking about “letting go” of her husband whom she’d stayed close to for half a century’s time, she couldn’t, accept that……………

Her First Words Were “I Want to Go Home”

Another elderly woman, Grandma Shih, who had kidney problems due to her diabetes who is a regular at my clinic, I’d been her physician for more than decades, I’d gotten to know her families well, knew that her offspring took care of her living needs daily, so her kidney function was quite stabilized.  Once I’d thought, that she will never need dialysis, but, her heart failed, and at the age of ninety-three, she’d entered the line of dialysis.

There would be the many situations in the elderly population after the dialysis especially, and, a more complex set of complications compared to the younger generations, for instance, infections from bacteria or virus, or, hemorrhages, it’d made her come in and out of the hospital many a time, she’d become, weakened, in the end, she’d relied on the feeding tubes, and I saw her son, with his eyes red, as he’d, fed the formula into his own mother’s feeding tubes, and I’d felt really bad, and, can’t believe, that Grandma Shih would need this sort of an end-of-life care for her.

As she choked on her own vomit that final time, Grandma Shih lost her vitals on the way to the hospitals, because the conditions were critical then, we’d immediately intubated her, although afterwards, the families held different opinions on intubation, but, at the moment, it was emergent.  Luckily, the elderly pulled through, and started breathing on her own, it’s just that as she was discharged from the hospitals, she’d become, bedridden, and her days and nights were, flipped, causing too much strain on her loved ones, as well as the nurse’s aide too.

Because of necessity, they’d found a facility that can perform the dialysis for her, placed the elderly woman in the home, so she could get the care she’d needed.  At first, as the son went to visit, Grandma Shih remained silent, and her eyes couldn’t focus; but after a week, she’d recalled her son’s name, and started stating, “I want to go home”.  And, this made her son started blaming himself for deciding to place his own mother in a nursing home facility.

In the final passage of her life, Grandma Shih continued staying in the nursing home facility.  Six months after she’d passed, her son told me, “Sometimes I’d regretted it, not known, if I’d done right by her or not”, even if they couldn’t watch over Grandma Shih around the clock—that seemingly easier option became, the road block he tried to cross over his whole life.

Those with the long-term illnesses, are the ones suffering, and, the primary caretakers around them are, too strained, it is a difficult choice, letting go, or not; if you’d chosen to not let go, you’d be straining yourself, and, you have to feel the pains and sufferings of the ones you love dearly; but as you’d selected to let go, you are filled with the unwillingness of letting them die, and this may cause you to regret it for the rest of your lives.

And so, there you have it, this is a difficult decision, that we will all face someday, maybe it’s with our own parents, or, when we get older ourselves, and, there’s still no right or wrong on this, and, that’s just, how life goes, sometimes, we’re, just forced to make these hard decisions for the ones we love dearly, because we don’t want them to suffer anymore, and sometimes, we choose to keep them alive, because we aren’t, ready, to say goodbye yet, and, by doing that, we’re, prolonging their, suffering.

The Elderly Who’d Smothered His Own Daughter with Cerebral Palsy to Death, Ready to Go to Prison

People are caring a lot for this case, because of the conditions of the case, and they’d all signed that petition, to help the man receive a lesser sentence, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Thousands Signed the Petitions and Begged for the Pardon from the President for Him, the Office of the President: We Will Look into the Matters Carefully

The seventy-nine-year-old elderly man, Chen took care of his daughter with cerebral palsy for fifty years on end, two years ago, he couldn’t withstand how his daughter had been impacted by the illness long-term, he’d smothered her to death using a quilt, the courts sentenced him to two and a half years, he is about to start serving his term in prison, the legislator from the KMT, Chen with the local groups hosted a press conference, called out to the president to issue a special pardon for the elderly.  The president’s office responded, that they will consider the matter thoroughly.

The KMT legislator, Chen stated, that his office assistant, Huang is a woman with cerebral palsy, but despite her physical limitations, she’d finished her undergrad, and her master’s program on her own, and served as an assistant to the members of the legislature after graduation.  Huang told, that seeing Chen’s story, she’d felt burdened, she will use her status as an individual with cerebral palsy to represent the eleven cerebral palsy organizations, along with the public members of the community who are taking an interest in this, called out to the president, to have some empathy of Chen’s situation, to issue a presidential pardon for him, so he doesn’t have to serve the prison terms.

Huang said, of the cases she’d worked, there was a single mother in the distant regions who’d looked after her own child with cerebral palsy around the clock, the father of the child couldn’t stand the pressures, and was diagnosed with depression, the two filed for divorce.  Another single father, lost his job due to the outbreaks, lost the income, and looked after his own severe cerebral palsy son at home alone, and the local daycare center, due to the severity of the son’s conditions, refused to take him in.

The cerebral palsy group representative believed, that the government should have a fitting long-term care program, to NOT make the individuals with the severity of cerebral palsy to turn into the risk factors of the society’s security net, hoping that the government can help the families of these individuals to upkeep the quality of life, to keep the tragedies from recurring.  This special pardon asking by the legislator, Huang to the president gained over 1,200 signatures in just two days’ time.

The spokesperson of the President’s Office, Chang stated, that the president had taken a note of the case, and will research into the matter very thoroughly.

In the first trial of Chen’s smothering his own daughter with cerebral palsy to death, the judge believed that his behaviors are “understandable”, after two reduction of sentencing, he received two years six months, and the courts asked the president for a special pardon; Chen’s father filed for the appeals to get the probation, but the High Courts found that his case didn’t fit the criteria for the probationary terms, that the courts had no power to ask for a special pardon from the president on the man’s behalf, tossed back the second and the third trial verdicts, case closed.

And so, this is truly sad, this man had taken care of his own daughter with cerebral palsy, and he couldn’t care for her anymore, because, it’d become too strenuous, he’d taken care of her for fifty whole years on end, and, he’d, suffocated her to death, and, he received two and a half years in prison, and, anybody with any sympathies, and heart would see, that he should get off easy, after all, he’d been taking care of his own young for fifty years on end, and, just couldn’t do it any longer.

He’d Killed His Wife after Thirty Years of Looking After Her after She Had a Stroke, to Release Her from Her Body, the D.A. Begged the Courts for Mercy

Because seeing his wife in so much pain, it’d pained him even more, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The sixty-nine-year-old man, Tsai couldn’t watch his wife who’d had a stroke and had been bedridden for thirty whole years keep on suffering, at the hospital, she’d, suffocated her to death with a plastic bag, and was charged on domestic violence murder; as the trial started, both the Taipei D.A.’s Office as well as his families asked for mercy from the courts, Tsai’s son also said, that his father took care of his mother for thirty years in smiles, never had a word of complaint; the judge believed, that the murder that Tsai committed qualified for two reduction of sentencing, and sentenced him to two years six months, this can be appealed.

The attorney of the defendant used the “murder of mercy”, and it’s a rare instant, that both the district attorney and defense had agreed on it, the district attorney on the case did NOT take Tsai into protective custody, the district attorney in the trial only care if Tsai was responsible for what he’d done or not, the defense had also played the recording of Tsai’s wife’s cries of pain, to prove that Tsai murdered his wife to put her out of her misery.

The judge found that Tsai had qualified for the two “turned himself in”, “understandable circumstances” reduction of sentencing, and gave him half, then half of the lowest terms of the murder sentence of ten years.

The district attorneys stated, that Tsai, because his wife had long-term been tortured by illnesses, on September 5^th of 2020, at the Changgang Hospital of Taipei, he took a bag and suffocated his wife to death, and went to the nurse’s stations, told the nurses, “my wife is now, free!”

Tsai’s wife, after five days’ worth of resuscitations, due to anoxia, complications from her pneumonia, died, the district attorneys charged Tsai on domestic violence murder, Tsai didn’t fight the D.A., and admitted to his guilt, and the district attorneys believed that his situation is understandable, and suggested to the courts to give him a lighter sentence.

And every time Tsai went to court, he’d not talked much, and admitted to the charges, the courts asked the Changgang Hospital to do a psych evaluation, and it’d shown that Tsai was of sound mind when he’d murdered his own wife.

Tsai’s son testified, that his mother had seven strokes, that the first few times, she got better with the rehabilitations, and returned back to work, by the sixth time, the surgery had left her paralyzed on the left side of her body; and since his mother became completely paralyzed, she’d never had a single bedsore, his father took her to physical therapy, like helping her slide her fingers, he’d told her, ‘We’re at Badozi right now, almost to Yangming Mountain”.

Tsai testified, that his father in caring for his mother, he’d grown older and ill too, “there’s not just the medicines for my mother on the bedstands, but also the heart, the hypertensions that my father needed too”, that his father always wore a smile in caring for his mother, and he blamed himself for not being able to shoulder the burdens.

The defense attorney told, that Tsai is in emotional pain in making the decision to kill his own wife, that he’d grown ill physically too, there’s no record of him being treated, he had to work, and look after his wife, and asked the courts to consider Tsai’s mental state to give him a fitting sentence.

The judge believed, that Tsai lost his personal life due to having to care for his own wife long-term, that after he fell ill too, he’d not placed her in a long-term care facility, that he loved his wife deeply, that Tsai couldn’t handle the strains, and selected to take his own wife’s life, to put her out of her misery, “different from the motives of hurting the victim through murder”.

The verdict pointed out, that after Tsai smothered his wife to death, he’d gone to the nurse’s station, and apologized, cried and stated, “I’d killed her”, told the police who came to arrest him that he’d “felt he was about to fall”, claimed that his wife “she’d convulsed and cried out in pain every single day, she wanted to die”, based off of Tsai’s statement, he knew what was happening to his wife, and can’t use the insanity plea to get his sentence reduced to even less.

And so, this is, another case of mercy killing, and the husband can’t stand to see his wife in pain anymore, he felt tried by her pains, and, he’s also, overcome with his own ailments, and killing her, was setting her free from her sick body, and even though this qualified as mercy killing, because that’s his “motive” for “murdering” his own wife.

Decisions

The decisions to stop treatment, or to, continue it, weighing the pros and cons of it, over, over, and over again, in our minds, and, we can only pray that in the end, we’d, made the, right choices by our loved ones.

Upon reading Marcie’s “Difficult Choice” on August 25^th, I was moved, this hard-to-master lesson of life, is, harder to solve than the, mathematical, equations.

I was forty-two on the year, thought of how at age forty-two, my father caught me, who let out the very first cries of my life, and how time flew quickly by, turned all our hairs white, made him hunched in the back, and, eroded away, his aging, skins.  I’d squatted down, helplessly, in the hallways of the hospital, with my arms around my knees, I’d, broken down and cried.  The sun still radiant outside, while my world had, crumbled down, no longer, is it, a full-circle again.

this…

photo from online

After the marrow was extracted, the biopsies on his liver done, I’d, pushed him back to his ward.  “Ouch!” that was the only word he’d, mumbled aloud after he came to, following that, he’d, drifted into that cycle of, never-ending, eternal, waking and sleeping.

The eyes behind the glasses, with that genuineness about it, said, “sir is too elderly and too weakened in physical strengths, I’m afraid, that he won’t able to get through the chemotherapy or the surgeries, you and your families must make up your minds, don’t leave the regrets for tomorrow, the patients are in pain, the families, in even more, pain.”  The young resident stated these words, that, made my heart twisted up even tighter, can it, not be, a “multiple choice” question?

Three years ago, my eldest uncle fell seriously ill, my older cousins couldn’t let him go, his life was, spared, but, he was kept alive, with all those, tubes going in and out of his body, it’d, made the families, relatives, and friends wondered, can we, tie him down with love, to save his body, because we don’t want him to go?  Then, two months later, he’d gone, and, my older cousin kneeled down in front of the altar, and cried like hell, and blamed himself for making the wrong decisions to save his own father then, that he shouldn’t have, put his own father through those two more months’ worth of, trials in the body.

AS my younger brother heard the surgeon’s statements, he’d exclaimed aloud, “of course, SAVE him!”  “my father’s a military man, he would NOT want to live on like this, I want to save him too, but, as his daughter, I know I can’t be, so, selfish”, I’d, finally, got those, words out, and after that, my heart had a hole in it.  My youngest sister cried, shook her head, and waved her hands no too, she was, my father’s, favorite, youngest child, it’s, simply, too difficult, for her, to voice her thought on the matter.

or this…

saying their, final, goodbyes…and letting go…photo from online

I’d, pushed that hospital bed, with all his belongings, took him to the hospice ward.  It is, very hard to describe what it’s like in there, there are the hopes and expectations of getting out one day on all the other, floors, while here, the patients are, walking, a step closer to death by the day, but it’s, not just that.

As we entered into the hospice, my crying, stopped, the sorrows are, all over the places, but my father looked, more at peace, and, as he woke, he’d said, apologetically to me, “it’d been trying on you”.  my foolish dad, can you, breathe, a bit longer, so, your children can, hold you in their arms, longer, so I can, be a daughter, with a father still?

After a full month in the hospice, I took dad home.  In the company of his children and grandchildren, without those tubes going in and out of his body that made his life even harder, he’d gained, an, extra month, two days after Father’s Day, he’d selected to, fall, into, that eternal, sleep, and thus, our, scents of, missing him, started, rooting downward.

So this would be, one of the, hardest decisions that someone is forced to make, to save the loved ones or to just, let them go, I mean, there’s, a lot to, consider in the matter, are you, willing to, try your loved ones longer, just so you can have them with you longer, or, would you be willing to, say your, goodbyes to them, and, leaving, no love unsaid, and, just, let them go?

A Difficult Predicament, the Dramas of Life

Watching her own father, suffering, in this final days, it’d made her realized, how important it is, to set up the D.N.R. for herself, so when the time comes, her own children won’t be tried as hard as she’d been, a lesson learned, from death here, translated…

She stood, at the end of the hospital bed, and, patiently asked the family members’ willingness to place the patient in the hospice program of the hospital.  The patient’s wife opened up her eyes wide, and, stared lost, into the distance, the daughter frowned, and the lips that opened and closed, made no word out.  She’d understood the hardships, that same expression of not knowing what to do had once, covered her own face from before.

Her father passed four years ago, and before that, he’d been, bedridden for four whole years.  As he was diagnosed, she was already, a resident, and has the basic knowledge, awareness of the treatment options of illnesses.  Her father didn’t have any other conditions, not at high risk under anesthesia either, she’d seen a lot of cases like his making full recoveries, and thought, that her father was only getting a coronary bypass, and optimistically planned out the care and where her father is to go to after the surgeries, and yet, she’d, never expected, that her father was, that, exception.  The day right after the surgery, he’d had a hemorrhage, then, a large area stroke, and in the four years of his bedridden days, he’d started losing his ability for speech, for movement, for food intakes, coughing up phlegm, urinating, and defecating, along with other, bodily functions.

illustration from UDN.com

Although there’s the twenty-four hour care provided by the foreign caretaker, and her mother’s visiting her father at the hospital twice very day, her younger sister’s delivering the filtered juices of fruits, vegetables, the other health products into his feeding tube, but at best, her father’s condition didn’t, worsen.

That final hospital stay had, broken her father down completely, with the series of painful, invasive treatment measures and tests.  As the medication and the respirator could, no longer bring his vital signs to stable, she’d gotten a piece of paper, and, started, swaying between her role as a medical professional, and a family to someone who’s, on the verge of dying—as a family member, she’d wanted to do all that she could, for her father to live longer, but as a doctor, she’d known, that all the measures will, become of, no avail.

In the end, she’d, gazed into her father’s, soulless eyes, and knowing that she should, let go.  After all, her father was quite understanding, of the family’s unwilling to let him go, held in the pains, the illnesses, and continued living for four years, for the family to finally say their, goodbyes to him, then, they should too, give him, a proper, final, farewell.

After her father passed, the family was, hovered by gloom, and the conversations that pass between her and her family was like caring for that scab that started healing up, with much care, but, as she was, left alone on her own, she couldn’t help, but blamed herself; she’d retracted every single decisions from before, reviewed over every tiny detail, to see if she’d, gone according to her own father’s, wishes, after all, as her father retired, he’d loved, hiking around a lot, collected a house full of, antiques, loving life, and she’d now wondered, the four years of his getting kept in bed, was it, a form of, punishment to him?

Until the gnash had, healed into a scab, did the family sit down to discuss, and slowly, they’d, all gotten through that time of, depression, of gloom.  As everything was spoken out into the open, they’d all come to understand, that their father with his optimism would hate to see them in regret, blaming themselves, or getting angry at the situation; while, they’d, selected, on an ordinary afternoon, gone to the hospital, to set up their, do-not resuscitate, to NOT leave the decision-making difficulties behind, for their own, loved ones to handle.

And so, this, is what is taken away, learned, from the death of a loved one, and, there will always be regrets of whether or not we’d done the right things by our loved ones, in these, situation, and all we can do, is live with the choices we made, and this family had learned from losing the father, setting up their separate, D.N.R.’s, so their younger generations won’t be tried as hard as they’d been, with their own father.

That Day, Unknown

On watching her husband, suffer, with his terminal illness, waiting, for death to come and, claim him, translated…

That day, my husband was, wheeled into the treatment room, had a “smooth ride” of his cancer treatment processes, no loss of hair, no losing all his weight, he’d only, complained of aches and pains more often, and as the primary treating physician visited his ward, he’d only, begged him for more pain meds, but, after the pains subsided, another sort of illness, took him over.

One afternoon, I’d, rushed off to the hospital, it was the call of the caretaker from the bed next to his.  I’d never seen him like this before, lips trembling continually, kept apologizing repeatedly, I’m sorry, I’m, sorry, the group of doctors hovered over his bed, and started discussing, and because my husband was in and out of comas, and started calling aloud things that don’t make sense, fearing that it might affect the other patients who shared the same room as he, they’d decided to wheel him into the treatment room.

as he’d, become like this…photo from online

And after that we’d, taken, that downhill slope toward, the bottom, he could laugh and chat at first, but, with his getting diagnosed with acute pneumonia, he had an intubation, and because of how the hospital worried that he might hurt himself, they’d, restrained him with the cloth bands to his bed, and his elbows now, bruised up, with the days that came and went, his skins ulcered.  Every day, he’d slept, waken up, waken up, and slept, and can only, stare at the ceilings, as he’d come home from work from before, he’d, ranted, incessantly on what went on during his work day, he can, no longer speak a single word now, and it must be, too, trying for him.

At first, my husband mapped out his, recovery plan, placed it at the bottom of his, desk drawer, he had a strong will to survive then, was optimistic on this path to, defeat cancer, and yet, months passed by, the life and death that came and went in the hospital wards, the elderly who was still there on the next bed, got wheeled out with a white cloth covering the bed today, my husband also, transferred from the normal wards, into the I.C.U., and connected to the machines to live now.

Once, I’d, gotten closed to his ears, told him, “if you still want to live, nod”.  And it wasn’t, as I’d expected, a nod, he’d shaken his head then, for a very, very, long time, with the tears that stained up a huge chunk of his, pillow.  While I, too selfish, can only, struggle within my own self, after I’d made up my mind, I’d still, tried to keep the moments of visiting him in the hospital afterwork, again, and again, and again, hour by hour, and, begged for that, unknown day, to finally, come.

And so, this, is how difficult it is, to watch someone you love very dearly, get tortured by his, illness, and, at the start he had this strong will to survive, thought he was going to, overcome, but, as time went by, he grew weaker, sicker, and now, he can only, lie in his hospital bed, and wait for death, and there’s, nothing you CAN do for him, save for, sign that DNR on his, behalf now.