Category Archives: Parenting/Parenthood

There’s No Fairness on This Path of, Life

This would be a FACT of, L-I-F-E, kid!!!  The conversation between a father and a son, translated…

Summer: The competitions today wasn’t fair?

Me: How was it not?

Summer: They were all sixth graders and we were, fourth graders!

Me: this is, more than, a fair situation!

Summer: How can it be?

Me: You’d played against the group that is older than you, and you’d, lost, that’s normal, and reasonable too, isn’t it?

On this day, the soccer coach at Summer’s school arranged a mix aged competition, the Panthers, a game of eight players, with the fourth graders as competitors of the U10 teams.  And, they were, playing against the U12 teams of fifth, sixth graders.

On the way to the soccer fields, I’d discussed with Sumer, that today’s competition will be a practice competition with the older kids in the school, that he should just, put his skills to practice, best as he can.  He’d started, nodding his head, seemed that he’d, understood me, completely.  Surely, the first game, four to, nothing, they’d, lost.  Then, Summer’s team, the Panthers, lost, ALL the way, game after game, got beaten, by his, U12 older schoolmates.  Using his own descriptions to describe the events: we got, electrocuted by the older schoolmates!

Losing one game, that’s, acceptable.  Two games, it doesn’t feel good.  And, by the third game that they were, losing, Summer immediately started, experience, that people can’t live with, losing all the time.  After losing the series of games, he’d strongly, expressed his, “minor upset” of the matters, felt, that the game has, NO fairness whatsoever.

Toward his upset, I’d thought, where’s the standards of what constitutes as fair and not?  In the competitive world, are there, really, the point of, fairness?  Do we need to, get down to the matter, and discuss it thoroughly the matters of: fair or unfair?  But, as he was, fuming up, I’d not, struck up this, discussion of the subjects.

Since he was little, in soccer, Summer has the will, and the drives to win.  When he’d won, he’d gotten all worked up, and, not hidden his radiant smiles over it, he would also, high-five his teammates, and hug them.  When he’d lost, he’d surely, felt displeased, and, there would be, the aftermath of his losing the games that came.  As the other young competitors started destressing themselves on the cell phone games, he was still, wiping away his tears, unwilling to admit, that his team had, lost the game.  Then, he would contemplate, why didn’t they win this time, and started, evaluating everything, and a few more tears would fall, still refused, to accept that he and his team lost.  This emotional response, more than natural, and normal too.  And normally, it would take a little while, like after we had lunch, or as he’d, gotten completely into the cell phone games, he would then, get himself out of the upset, and, reentering into the group of his teammates then.

For a short while, due to his emotional management when his team lost, it’d, affected the means of how the team played well together, we’d discussed the matter seriously, that if he’d needed to, drop out of the team, to find a new team to join, but he was, unwilling, to, sever off the rapport he’d already, established with the members of his team, and started, changing his behaviors, and, becoming more in tune with his own, emotional response to losing the games.

I kept on believing, that what Summer was upset over, was not because of winning or losing, but the matter of how the games were judged fairly or unfairly.  Winning or losing, was something he could, quickly digest, and accept as is, but back then, he still couldn’t, quite understand, the “difference of opinions on what’s fair and unfair”.

Let’s put it this way, back in the elementary years, he could never accept, why there’s, the existence of, unfairness.  For instance, why was so-and-so, so very, tall, it’s unfair.  Why does someone from class has a cell phone already, it’s not fair.  Why the team members are all leveled differently in their, playing skills, a bit, not fair.  The teachers looked out for certain students, a bit, unfair.

All of these, encounters of, unfairness that troubled him, or maybe, it’s, what he needed to, cross over, before the matter of winning and losing.  I think, even for me, I’d still needed to, introspect my own mind, and troubles, when encountering something that I feel was, unfair.  Fair or not?  This was, a question on the road to growing up, always going to be there, and it will, be a discovery journey we’re constantly on in life too, and will, continue to happen in our day-to-day lives.

And because of this, I wanted to tell him, as the younger graders are playing the higher graders, it’s, going up against someone who’s, out of your level of expertise, it’s only natural that you lose, winning, that would be, unfair, to the, older schoolmates.  Isn’t that right?  If you care about what’s fair or not, you will be more prone to, consider the opposite angles.  Because, you don’t need to get too serious about the fairness of things, because fairness, doesn’t really, exist as black or white.

On the road to life, there’s no, standards of fairness, it’s all interpreted individually differently.  As I finished telling him, Summer then, fell, silent, then, smiled, like he’d, finally understood, that winning and losing is only, in the results, and fair or unfair, that’s all, a false sort of a debate.  Any sort of a debate, there are only, the differences in points of view, it’s nothing on fairness.  I’d recalled, that I’d once told Summer, that in the future, if there’s something he wanted, he’d needed to, work hard to get it, and if he didn’t get it, he should, let go, after all, he had, tried, to attain it.  In the future, I suppose, that will, be how he would, handle things that come up in his life.

And so, this, is on the father’s teaching the son about, fairness, and, there is, no fairness, only the perspectives, the interpretations of what’s fair and what’s not, like how the soccer tournament was uneven, with this young lad’s team, going against older kids, and it’s expected that they don’t win, after all, the kids on the other team are stronger, older, more agile, trained longer than his age group, and this showed, how there’s only the personal interpretations of what’s fair and what’s not, and that’s based off of socialization, and everybody’s socialized differently, so, there’s no, one size fit all!

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Education, Family Matters, Interactions Shared with the World, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, The Education of Children, Values

Instead of Prohibiting the Children from Using the Cell Phones, Try Utilizing High-Tech Management Instead

How to restrict your own children, from getting addicted to the online world, and the high-tech devices, sound advice from the counselor’s office, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Tik-Tok is not, the children’s favorite kind of new age social media, but there are, too many negative news on it, that it’d made the parents worrisome, that if the children are, using Tik-Tok without their, guidance.  The UDN papers interviewed many adolescents’ parents, the following is the first-person interview in summation.

There are a lot of parents around me who watched the videos on Tik-Tok too, there were friends on my FB who’d shared the videos off of Tik-Tok with us, there’s no way of banning our own young from seeing or using this new form of social media.  If we are worried that the kids may view the video footages of sex, of violence on TikTok, and banned it from their use, it only treats the symptoms, and not the disorder itself, in the online era, you can ban TikTok, but you can’t, ban EVERY other form of social network available for the children to download and use, you should set up the clear cut rules of usage of your kids’ cell phones for them instead.

I’d introduced the high-tech devices to my own children by progression, by fifth grade, I’d, given them the iPads, and, as they entered into the middle school years, I’d given them their cell phones.  As the epidemic happened, the school started utilizing the FB groups, LINE groups to assign the homework assignments, and, at this time, I’d taken the advantage, to teach them the dos and don’ts of social media.  For instance, they are only allowed to play the cell phone games after they completed their homework assignments from school, to use TikTok, and, on weekdays, off-line by ten, to avoid the impacts on their sleep.

I know, that there’s, NO way we’ll be there, monitoring the kids over what they’re viewing online, what they’re playing online, but, it’s important that we, as adults, know what programs they’d downloaded onto their cell phones, and how to use certain programs, to prevent the kids from encountering the improper, bad things online.  Using the high-tech device settings it’s more effective than the adults telling the children what they can, or cannot do.

For instance, using the Google Family Link to set the download limitations, using the ratings systems of YouTube that’s available; you can set the usage time on the iPhones too, or limit the time of use of programs on your children’s cellphones.

And so, all of these, are means that are available to all you parents out there, to keep tabs on your children’s time of usage on their high-tech devices, because, let’s face it, high-tech devices had already become, a vital part of our lives, something that we can’t, do without, and, to BAN your own young from using, it’s, just, impossible, so you should teach them how to use their high-tech devices more intelligently instead.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Addiction to High-Tech Products& the WWW, Life, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Fare Thee Well

Lessons that life, and death, have to, offer, to us all, translated…

After My Father Passed On, in 2009, I’d Gone to Join in the Monk Group of Fagu Mountains, and, the Past of Taking Care of My Own Father in His Dementia, was that Gem that Remained in My Memories, But it’d Allowed My Self from the Separate Times to Start the Conversations of Life, and, Death…………

We Will Meet Up Again, Once More

My father was holding on to my hands when he died, that was, the temperature that he’d become, most, used, to.

He saw my smiling at him when he went, that was, the most soothing look to him.

My father also heard my voice, reciting the Buddhist verses, as we lifted his body to the funeral home, and, I sat beside him, on my own, and, recited the Buddhist verses to him for eight hours, and, as soon as the eight hours was up, I’d, kissed him lightly, on the cheeks—a ritual we have for one another when we see each other, and, this day was, no exception.

I’d, rarely, let someone outside of my family care for my own father, even as he was hospitalized, he had the care of the nurse’s aide, we were always, close by his side.  As the workers of the funeral home came, to give my father his final bath, I couldn’t go along with him, and so, I can, only, whisper in his ears, told him to not feel afraid, when they’d, bathed him, and I’d, pleaded with the two gentlemen, do tell my father what you’re about to do before you do it, because, after my father fell ill, he’d become, like a child, fearful of pain, and, dependent too…………” the two gentlemen were, stumped, then, told me in a serious means, that they will.

illustration from UDN.com

圖/江長芳

After my father was bathed, he was lain, inside that coffin, with an indigo blue robe, with a cap on his head, that was, what he’d wanted to be, buried in, his favorite way of dressing up in his childhood years back home.  And, he looked as cute as he’d been, when he was asleep from before, and we can’t help but exclaimed, “how cute!”, had it not been those who are around us, offering their, final respects, and the means of how we should behave ourselves accordingly to the funeral processions, I would’ve, given him, pecks on his cheeks again.  And, as those two gentlemen see me do so, they will surely, become, dumbfounded, again.

Afterwards, they’d come to speak to mom, said, that they’d worked in the funeral business for a long time, that even after my father died, we’d still, loved him, cherished him so, “normally, after we bathed the deceased, we’d, placed them into the coffin, ready to seal up the coffins, and that was, normally, the final time the families ever see the deceased, and most people would start crying like hell, only you and your families, rushing up to the coffin, to fight to tell the father how cute he’d, looked.”

Life is, unending, and we will meet up again, and, I hope that every time we meet up, it’s, with a better version of our selves than from before.  I do believe, that my father passed on, to his own, nirvana with a whole lot of love, and his, will and wishes too.  Some told dreamily, that me kissing him on the cheeks, it will allow him to carry the love of his daughter in this life, to the next, that the next lifetime, he will have a birthmark on his cheeks.  Although that was, only a dream, I’d still, paid special attention to children with a birthmark on their left cheeks, and, when I see her/him, I would, surely, hug that young child hard.

The Lessons for One Lifetime

After my father passed away, I’d become, a monk, and ever since, I’d, tried finding the wisdoms from within, and with the clues I found, I’d, find ways to understand the grand schemes of life, and, met up with, my, self.

Being my own master, it was my choosing, to become a monk, because, “life is not just, owned”, I’d, wanted to, head into the “lessons” of my own life, the author of “The Doctor’s Manual from -45-degrees Celsius”, Lien wrote: “the children who are blessed, should give more than normal people, that way, life would be more, meaningful”.  That line echoed in my mind, I had always been, a blessed child, and I certainly needed to, pass this, sense of blessings out to others.

And now, I’d lived as a monk for a whole decade, and it’d made me feel, that this process of becoming a monk was another sort of “owning”: after parting, we meet back, if we don’t, then, the parting would be, meaningless.  For the ten years, I’d, severed, continually meeting up to my past states of mind in the giving, and receiving from and to others around me.  And, at a certain space and time, there would be things that surfaced back up to mind which I’d already, forgotten, like they’d become, a part of, a parallel track of life I’m currently on now.

My father gave to me, a rich, fulfilling childhood, and gave me the lessons of my life too.  In my memories, he was, sturdy, and authoritative, with a whole lot of love for us.  On the days he came home, he would cook together with my mom, teach her to dance, and, shared with us his encounters from abroad.  Back then, I was filled with the fantasies, hoped that he could take me on the ship with him, and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t, take me along, and, on the day he alighted the ship again, I’d always, cried too hard, and needed the adults to, pull me back, for him, to get on the cabs successfully.  I’d wondered, what was going through my father’s mind, as he’d, left then?

I don’t have an answer for that now.  And yet, as I become older, in love, in interpersonal relations, I’d slowly understood, gained the experiences, that “parting” is, the lesson I’m still, learning, in this lifetime.

And so, this, is common to us all, parting, the lesson of it, and it’s not what’s gone, but what’s, left behind, like the values, the goodness, the acts of kindness, that a person leaves behind for the world, after s/he is gone, that’s, most, important.

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Filed under Lessons, On Death & Dying, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, the Finality of Life

The Snitch

The matter of, secrets, should we keep ‘em, for our young, or should we tell our spouses about them???  Translated…

I’d gone to preschool to pick my three-year-old daughter up, and she saw me, then, started, “daddy, I have a secret, just for you, you can’t tell mommy!”  As I’d heard her told me, I’d thought, finally, it’s, MY turn now.

Growing up in a family with a strict mom, dad’s always been our, best, listener.  And so, growing up, all of our worries, the upsets, the discomforts of puberty, to the major life decisions we are making as adults, we’d both, gone to dad to discuss, and, we’d always begun by stating to our father, “Don’t tell mom!”, but, as I grew older, I’d thought, that something, wasn’t, quite right, because it seemed, that mom always, knew the secrets that dad and I, shared, and, there was, that CRACK, in my father’s, promise to, not tell.  Until one day, as I’d just finished telling dad, “don’t tell mom, okay?” as I received his guarantee that he wouldn’t, I’d, gotten right into what I wanted to tell, while my older brother just, burst out in laughter, “after you’re done telling him, he’ll immediately go and tell mom!”, and, dad just, smiled bitterly, and denied it.

As my daughter told me what was on her mind, I’d, made the affirmations, that she did NOT want me to tell mom.  After battling it out, I’d finally, decided, to keep this, secret for her, to NOT tell my wife.  It’s just, that this didn’t last, because the little girl started, blabbing, soon enough, and, the secret is, no more.  I let out a breath of, relief then, then, I shall, experience, what it’s like, to be a daddy, with the secrets the next time then!

And, this, just showed, how kids need that confidant in an adult, and, it’s up to us, adults, to weigh and measure, if we should or should not, tell our spouses (1 @ a time!), of the secrets that our young children poured into our ears, because, betraying their trust, well, that’s, going to have, an adverse, effect on their lives that’s for sure!

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Filed under Family Matters, Interactions Shared with the World, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

A Child, Never, Held…

A child, NEVER, held he was, and he’d become, fearful, of acts of, intimacy shown towards him, and yet, he’d, longed for, the intimate connections with, another…

A child, NEVER, held, we were, NEVER held, by our parents, ‘cuz their parents got too busy, making their ends meet, and not hold them either, and so, how the @#$%, can our parents, learn that we, as their young, need to be, held?  They can’t, and, chances are, growing up, not being held enough, we all turn into, nonhuggers ourselves too.

not enough of this in childhood…

查看來源圖片
photo from online

A child, NEVER, held, fears that show of, intimacy toward her/him and yet, s/he, longed to, be shown, the sentiments of, that intimate connection with another, and, there’s, NO better way to connect intimately with someone else, through our bodies, is there?  Nope!

And so, this child, NEVER, held, gets, caught, between, the drives of longing to be held, but couldn’t, reach out to get held.  The child becomes, totally, stuck.

A child, NEVER, held, grows up, not knowing, how to, hold, and, just, grabs a hold onto, everything around her/him, fearing, that what s/he loves, will slip, through her/his, grasps, not knowing, that when you hold something (or someone) too tightly, it causes her/him/it to, SUFFOCATE, and whatever that was held too tightly, struggles, to break free…

leading to this…

查看來源圖片
photo from online

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Childhood, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Socialization

Setting Out, on My Own!

As the children grows up, the nest will become, empty soon, and, how are you going to adjust, what will you do, with all that, time???  Translated…

Since school stopped holding the sessions this May due to the outbreaks, other than reducing the times I had to go outside, life is slowly, getting back to normal now, but, my first-year middle school age daughter and my fifth grade son seemed to have gotten used to the comforts of having air-conditioning on full blast, settled in, and on the weekends and holidays, they’d no longer longed to go outside, to get some, fresh air.

from this…

查看來源圖片
mouths to feed, babies to take care of…photo from online

The Sunday morning after the Mid-Autumn Festival long weekend, the gently autumn sun with the light breeze, how I’d, missed those smiles on their faces as I took them out to run outside, I’d suggested that we should go to the beaches of Gongliao to see the oceans, and to see the sand sculpting festivities.  My first-year-middle school daughter, just as I’d expected, turned me down, my fifth-grade son, due to his love of outdoor activities, and his willingly to go along with me, and so, we’d gotten that mother-son-trip to the oceans.

That day was blissful, the sand sculptures were, amazing, my son chased the waves, and got chased by the waves, and under that blue skies, that smile I longed to see on his face finally, returned.  I’d thought of how Mr. Shih, Uncle Leisure-Living told in an interview, that the children in the elementary, middle school, and high school years at home, are like the seasons of summer, autumn, and winter, by the time they get into college, then, it’s, springtime!  He’s referring to how the kids, in their different levels of schools, with the pressures of scholastic, they’d, naturally, adjusted their own participation rates of the activities we do at home.

Being married later, before I married, I’d always gone out with my coworkers, my classmates to the trips; after I had my children, we’d gone out as a family (and I’m more than certain, that my husband in taking us out, was more out of that sense of responsibilities, and duty than having the fun time); as I’m about to enter into my fifties, with the coming of age of my children, I’ think, I shall start, getting used to following my former classmates, my coworkers out on the adventures again, or maybe, I can, set out, on my own too.  Like, “the mountain is the mountain, the mountain, doesn’t look quite like the mountain, the mountain seemed like the mountain”, the three stages, my going off will transfer from alone, no longer on my own, and back to, on my own, again!

to this…

photo from online

And so, with the coming of age of children, they will, eventually, leave the nest, and then, it’s just, you and your husband, and, because the two of you don’t share the same interests, you have no other choice, but to find your own adventures, and, by this way of thought, you already, had your empty nest stage of life, planned out.

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Filed under Empty Nest, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

The Experts: the Psychological Issues Weren’t Resolved, the Primary Suspect May Offend Again

On the male college student who’d endured, police brutality, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The younger generation of a food producing plant, Chang because of a fender bender, beaten the male college student, Song to severely injured, psychiatrists believed, that Chang has records of physical assault, that it may not be related to living under authoritarian parents, or that he was from a single-parent family, the biggest problem lies in that he has poor emotional control, hostility toward others, that there are the hidden negative psychological traits that’s caused him to behave like so; if there’s no resolve to change his lack of emotional control, there’s a high chance that he may well, offend again.

Chang had previous records of traffic violations already, beating on his fellow servicemen; the professor of the counseling department of Changwha Teacher’s College said, there are instances where we may get into conflict with each other, including getting into a wreck with someone, most people will be able to communicate well enough, solve the matter with reasoning.  Chang’s inability to use his words to express, and used his fists and feet, the only way to resolve is by finding the causes of his behaviors, then resolve that cause.

The head of the Changwha Christ Hospital’s Justice Psychiatric Unit, Wang believed, that how the child is disciplined, strict or not, isn’t related to how the person turns into in adulthood, but, if there’s that high pressure environment at home, disciplinarian parenting, lacking in communications, the child will more than likely, duplicate what s/he picked up in childhood, and carry that to interacting with others around her/him.

He told, to see if someone has the risk of violent behaviors, we need to examine if the individual has a history of violence, alcohol or drug addictions, the military is considered a high-tension environment, Chang still behaved violently, and, he suspect that Chang may have antisocial personality traits.

He also believes, that compare to ordinary people, there’s a low rate of violent attacks caused by mental illness, the disciplines of children isn’t reliant solely on the “words”, sometimes, violence IS, violence, not necessarily, psychologically, psychiatrically, related.  Violence has to do with personality traits, the correctional facilities need to intervene professionally with the violent criminals, the medical treatment measures is only part of the equation.

And so, what makes a man violent, his nature or his nurture?  A combination of both?  Or, do we, model the actions of violence, internalize what we watch our adult counterparts do, and then, we act out, and, based off of this case, it’s probably, all of the above!  And it’s still the families’ faults, for not doing RIGHT by their own young, because, the families failed to function right, how the @$#% can you expect the person who came out of this, malfunctioning families, to act right?

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Filed under Abuse, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Life, Modeling Behaviors, Nature vs. Nurture, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Socialization, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

Your Teeth are NOT Made for Biting Other People!

When we tell our kids, “use your words”, this is not, what we mean, that they should BITE someone else, translated…

The very first time my child got bitten by her classmate, it was one bite, the second time, three bites, reason for why my child was bitten was, the one who’d bitten her thought that my child was like, brad.

Thankfully, the external injuries weren’t, too severe, after I took my child in for tetanus shot, the second dose.  We’d blamed ourselves, for allowing our young to get bitten, twice, the first time he got bitten, we’d communicated with him on the angle of, “biting hurts someone”, that he shouldn’t use the “An eye for and eye, and bite the one who’d bitten him back, that he should call for help, and run away as fast as he could.”

I’d told the other parent, “it’s normal, that when kids play together, they may conflict, so long as there’s no serious injuries, and it wasn’t, intentional, we won’t pursue, but you still need to be careful, after all, children are cute sure, but, very, fragile too.” reason why I’d told the biting child’s father this, was because there was the incident of how this classmate who’d bitten another got scratched by the one whom he’d bitten, and, as soon as the father of the other child found out, he became, furious, I think, now that we’re, the victims, we should, take a, milder approach, with more tolerance, to make things easier for both.

like this, in young children…

查看來源圖片
and, guess what’ll, happen next??? that kid in black is gonna, CRY!!! Photo from online

The father of the classmate saw how we weren’t going to, pursue, and, let out a sigh of relief, asked if the teacher had, disciplined on the matter, and he’d told, “then, I won’t nag him anymore when we go home.”, and, it’s still because of this attitude, that my son got bitten, again!

We can understand, that biting is what happens at this age, and, the road to childrearing, isn’t an easy one to be on, we’d cared more of one another’s attitude on the matter, and the thoughts of it, that we needed to work together, and it couldn’t be that our child became “bread” to the other child, because of our, being, too tolerant.  And later, we’d, reached consensus, and my young girl’s father took her to apologize, and promised that he’ll, communicate how biting was wrong to his own young.

Later on, we’d bought the illustrated books, “Your Teeth aren’t Used for Biting Another Person” to teach, and in the same series, there were also the titles of, “Your Hands, Not Made for Hitting”, and “Your Feet, Not for Kicking Someone”, it’s a hard road we’re on, educating our own young, and we shouldn’t take it lightly either.

And, depending on the age, biting, is a part of normal development, and, a preschool age who continued to use her/his teeth to “communicate” with the outside world around her/him, may not have had enough oral stimulation in her/his own oral stages of development, that’s what causes her/him, to bite excessively, or, maybe, it’s because the child is upset, and s/he couldn’t find the right words to verbalize (as a kid that young doesn’t have a rich enough vocabulary bank yet!), that’s why this kid is, using BITING, to show her upset, and, the parents MUST find out what causes her/his own young to want to bite the classmates, to resolve this completely, and, don’t think, that oh, my son/daughter will, grow out of it, because it’s this sort of a, “I’ll just let time pass and see what happens” attitude, that will get you, SUED, because your child’s still a “minor”, and, whatever your kid did wrong or bad, it’s, on Y-O-U!

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Education, Life, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, The Education of Children, Wake Up Calls

Do You EVER Regret, Giving Me Up???

Do you EVER regret, giving me up???  She’d, asked, aloud…

She was, given up, by her own mother, because she was way too young, and got knocked up, by a, married man…

And now, she’s, gone down, that same path that her own biological mother had, got knocked up too, by a, man who’s, already, engaged, and, there was, NO way he’s gonna, back out of that, engagement, after all, she was only, his, one-night, stand…

Do you EVER regret, giving me up???  Loud voice asked, waiting, for an answer, then, the answer came, in a, barely, audible, “peep”: of course I do, I had, no other, choice!

yet, unfortunately, the reality may not be, as “peachy” as this one stated…photo from online

Do you ever regret, giving me up???  Do you, EVER think, about that child you’d had, long, long, long ago, that you’d, already, ERASED out of your mind, huh???  Do you EVER regret, giving me up???  for me, I really could, care LESS, ‘cuz I still grew up, as I was, supposed to, surely, childhood, adolescent, and even now, adulthood is, still, too hard for me to handle sometimes, but heck, I’m handling it, way, way, WAY better than you ever had, M-O-M!

You shouldn’t have had me, and that, is the god DAMN truth!  And yet, for whatever PSYCHO reasons, you failed to get rid of me, and so, here I STAND, I don’t trust anybody, because of how I was, “let go of” by you, and learned at an early age, that I got, NOBODY I can count on, and, this lacking of attachment to someone stable, had MADE me into, who I currently am, and it got NOTHING to do with my nature, it has, EVERYTHING to do with how I got, “nurtured” (or rather, NOT nurtured) by you…

So thanks, old lady, for, absolutely, NOTHING here!

And that, would all that someone (don’t ask who!, ‘cuz, how the @#$% should I know who wrote this???) who was, given up at birth, wrote to her/his, birthmother…

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Adoption, Life, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

Can We Punish the Parents When the Children Behaved Badly?

By the professor of neurosciences here, on the functions of the families individually, and how the families affects the children in educating them, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

A few of my master students who’d graduated came back to school for a visit with me, told me that they wanted to host a thank-you banquet for me, because back in June, the epidemic just got started, and they couldn’t, return back to school then, and the classes, dissembled on their own, and now, the epidemic seemed to have slowed down, they wanted to gather, and they’d wanted to tell me, how they put what they learned in my courses to good use after their graduation.  As I’d heard, I’d, gladly gone to the meal, because as a professor, I’d cared of nothing more than the effects of my education on my students.

That day, a student told me, “Professor, had I not taken your course on brain and emotions, I wouldn’t have realized that ‘you are in control of your own emotions, nobody can make you feel unhappy, you’re the one, making yourself, unhappy.”, I would’ve gotten too angered too like that teacher on the news, tipping the desks over too.”

He’d continued, the parents are spoiling their young rotten, they don’t believe that it’s a big deal if the children plagiarize, skip school, or play their cell phone games in class, eating the snacks, sleeping during class is wrong, he got angered that he couldn’t, teach anymore.  The character education wase not instilled in the families first, the teachers are “lone armies of one”, and couldn’t exert any power, he’d read on the papers, that China is implementing the punishment of the parents for not educating their young well enough at home, he’d hoped that Taiwan could, do the same too.

But, no way that was, happening, so he can only adjust his own mindset, took the time he was angry, to get to know the backgrounds of these students who are making him upset, and that was when he’d realized, that these students who’d been, full on their disciplinary records, were only, looking for, extra attention, they needed the attention, needed the affirmations……………They fitted in to the classics of “learned helplessness”, are the children the schools, and the parents had, given up, on.

He’d remembered me telling the class, that exercise will kick up the production of dopamine in the brain, to elevate the moods, he’d thought, writing his students up will only make the students give up on themselves, because for a student with the sense of shame, getting a written up is a stain on his record; but for a student without any mind to care, it wouldn’t have an inkling of an effect, it wouldn’t make any difference to her/him.  Then, as a punishment, he’d made the student go and clean up the local communities.  And, as the environment became cleaner, the student gained the sense of achievement from the commends of the residents of the local community, and it’d boosted the student’s self-confidence, and self-confidence brings about that sense of self-respect, and that particular student no longer acted up in his classes, and he’d not needed to tell him to “BE QUIET!” every three minutes.

Another student told me, he’d found, that what helped him the most, was what I’d told the class out of the blue.  Turns out one day, I’d told the classes, that everybody has two persona, one in front of others, the other, when we’re, alone, that the best way to observe someone, is when the individual is living from day to day.  Back then, this student was into a female lecturer, in the school where he’d taught, but his families liked the woman at the matchmaking.  Last month, the school sent him and this particular instructor he’d liked to visit someone who’d fallen ill.  He’d told, that as this female instructor saw how the place was messy, she’d, immediately, rolled up her sleeves, gone into the kitchen, and started clearing up the bathrooms and the kitchen areas, and before they’d left, she’d told the elderly janitor thank you, for giving her chance to do something good for him for the day.  My student was very moved then, felt that this female instructor carried the “virtues of being a good wife”, that she was fitting to become the mother of his own young; and decided to drop the matchmaking call that his families had made for him, and marry this female instructor from his school.

I was moved by his “fitting to be the mother of my children”, if every couple can consider closely, their qualifications of becoming parents, then, why would we need the country to set up the laws to punish those, unfitting, parents?

The families, the schools, and the society, are three pillars that make up a country, any one missing won’t do, and it’s a domino effect, one falls, the rest falls with it.  Currently, Taiwan is in a awkward position in that game of tug-of-war between China and the U.S., rather than sucking up, why not, work hard, to earn back that lost respect.  We were once, the head of the four dragons of Asia a long time, ago, why are we, moving, backwards, to the, bottom, of that list?

“Brothers shared the same hearts, no need to get the inheritance from their parents”, with the parents acting right, the schools doing their jobs, teaching the students the right morale, the government officials taking the responsibilities………………, you can count on only you, and nobody else!

And so, this showed, how important, the education in the family is, because the family IS the most basic, functional unit of a society, and, if all these families that makes up the society started, falling off left and right, how can you expect the country to be great?  So, this is on how education should still starts, with the family first, education in the families is, way, way, WAY more important than anything we will learn from school, unfortunately, the families are, mal-functioning all over the places, and, these days, if you don’t have the ability to educate yourselves, then, society gets, totally, SCREWED, and that’s, why the world is, currently, this big a mess, because families are, not functioning properly, and, children these days, well, they lacked the abilities to, educate themselves, after all they grow up, without the proper, role models when they were young.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Child Development/Education of Children, Education, Family Matters, Life, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, The Education of Children, Wake Up Calls