My Son Cypress

A heart of gold, of kindness, that’s quite, gentle, is what this young lad still have to this, very day, it’s truly, rare!  Translated…

My son turned twenty this year, he’s good looking, tall and handsome, but in his coming of age, the two of us, mother and son, had, more than our shares of, trials.

the heart of gold of this young child…

sculpture found online

He’d been active, with a very soft heart, and, there were, the interesting things that happened with him from when he was a very young child.  In his first grade year, one time as I’d picked him up from school, halfway home, he’d asked me to park the car, I’d parked by the side, he’d hugged his backpack tight, leapt out, I’d quickly followed behind him.  He held that serious face, with a light frown, told me, “mom, I have, so many, presents for you!”, before I could react, he’d, lifted open his backpack, and, so many grasshoppers came out!  He then flew into a panic, and, tried to grab them all and put them back into his backpack, in the sunset, the sight of a young child, chasing after the grasshoppers, is such a moving scene, I couldn’t help but laughed, and he’d, burst out laughing too.

Once, in a carnival hosted by his school, I’d given him a hundred dollars, he’d happily, mingled into the crowd, and vanished.  A little over two hours later, he’d come back, handed me six hundred dollars, I was shocked and asked him where he got the money from?  He’d told me that he saw someone, selling a huge stack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards, for a hundred dollars, after he bought it, everybody wanted some, so he’d only, kept a few, and, given them to his best friends, the rest, he’d sold for ten dollars apiece to others; he’d made some cash, and went back to the man, bought another stack; and started, selling them for twenty dollars apiece to the children passing by.  I was too shocked!  Is this, from the retail thought systems?  Could I have, birthed out, a young Buffett?

There was one more time, we’d gone to Yilan to visit, outside the B&B, there was a pond owned by the place, for the visitors to fish, we’d borrowed the fishing poles, and started our very first fishing try, we’d waited for a long, long time, the rod started moving, and, we both, had fish biting at the same time, as I’d pulled mine up, in his younger sister’s screams, he’d, pulled up his, very first, catch too.  He was ecstatic, as I was trying to unhook my fish, I’d heard his screams of ecstasy turn into wailing, he’d cried out loud, “ouch!  Ouch!  It’s bleeding!”, I’d turned to look at him, he was crying like crazy, and I suddenly understood it, quickly, I’d, unhooked his fish, and, released it back to the pond, then, he’d slowly, calmed back down.  In the night, watching him sleep, I’d thought, how soft this child’s heart must be, reminding us, of that gentleness we’d, already, forgotten that existed.

Into middle school, the heavy course load came down on him, he couldn’t fight it, and found his escape in the cell phone games, and, built up that tall wall to block us all away.  In a heated argument, I grabbed his phone from him, and he’d run out of the house, left, “I’m so unlucky!  Being born into this sort of a family!”  in the middle of the nights, I ran out after him, started crying, he’d heard me calling him, he’d, stopped, turned around, and, it’s still, his soft heart that’s, saved this family, from crumbling down.

After high school, life became more colorful for him, in the school play, he’d gotten that male lead part.  After long rehearsals, finally came the day he was going to perform, I sat in the audience, watched him radiating onstage, I was, so proud of him.

and he’d, grown up..

into a well-adapted, kind young man…photo from online

Looking back, all the way, he’d stumbled, bumped around, with the big and small injuries, but, he always, wears that smile like the warm sunshine on his face.

And so, it’s this kid’s nature, how soft a heart he has when he was younger, and, he’d, grown up, with his, soft heart still intact, with is, quite rare, because, normally, people lose that heart of gold, as they age, because of what they’d, been through, but this young man, still kept his heart of gold.

A Mother’s Delusions

The lovers, of a, past time, a mother’s interactions with her sons…translated…

My set of, delusions, I suppose, it got started as MERS-CoV started spreading across Taiwan.

“Dad, mom, I will have classes starting tomorrow afternoon, in the morning, I will be picking up my living necessities, are there things you need me to pick up for you, do write it down for me.”  After school started back in February this year, MERS took over the world, and, Taiwan had been tightened on keeping the virus out.  My husband and I are usually busy at work, and my youngest son still stays in school, and, for my son, who’s doing research more than being in the lecturers, naturally, shouldered up the house’s defenses against MERS-CoV.

Remembered, how at first, none of us is familiar with the protocols of the measures.  Every time my husband or I got off work, dragging our steps, set foot into our home, my son could always quickly pick up that spritzer bottle, to sanitize us, and reminded us the steps, the measures to take for our own, protections, until all the details of the steps became routinized.  And we always felt comforted when we saw our son.  When he is energetic, he’d prepared the suppers; when he’s tired, we’d, broiled up some dumplings.  Luckily, he’s more often energetic than he wasn’t, and, most of times, neither one of us is picky with food.

“Mom, don’t worry about it, I’ll take out the leftovers in a bit.  The recycling materials, I’ll sort through them before class tomorrow.”

Often, by the time I got home, the leftover, the recycle materials, are all sorted out, and the clothes hung outside are all, taken in, and folded too, placed inside our room, like how I’d, normally done it.

For me, these simple days are, romantic; being with my family, safe and sound, that is, a huge, blessing.

illustration from UDN.com

After the alerts got elevated in May, school pulled its session, and the offices shut down, my sons and I, stayed at home, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and other household chores, no need to assign anyone to, they all got, done.

It was Father’s Day, the weather is sunny, and the outbreaks slowed down a bit, the family decided to go to the outside of the gym for a five to six laps outside, to allow that sun we hadn’t seen in a long while to shine on us.

Just as usually, we’d started walking, and started chatting, I’d recalled, how it’ll be Chinese Valentine’s in a few more days, I’d blurted out, “boys, you are my lovers from a past life, stay by my side, and don’t get married!”, their father looked at me and smiled, “You have me, an old love, am I not enough for you!”, I’d looked at my lovers, “come on, can’t I just, have some fun here!”, my sons used that exorcist’s gestures, waved over my head, “mom, you can, get back to normal now!”

I think, my sons are, already, used to their mother’s, crazy thoughts and words every now and then.

I knew, that this is, only, a mother’s delusions.  Actually, my sons are just like any children, with their, stubborn sides, had their rebellious stages during their younger years too.  But I’m still, moved by their, many actions often, especially toward me, their mother.

a mother and her sons…

photo from online

And, it’s no wonder, I would, carry this sort of a, delusion then.

And so, this is, the closeness of a mother and her sons, and, her sons are, very gentle, very kind, caring, and concerned toward their parents, and it’s still due to how connected this family is regularly, because these sorts of interactions, just don’t happen out of the blue one day, they must be set up, and they must become, a sort of a, ritual for everybody to get used to.

As Children Get Bullied, the Parents Rushing in, Stepping on the Mines

It’s only natural, that when the kids are being, bullied, you parents would want to, rush in, to BEAT the CRAP out of that other kid, but, hold your horses first…on education of the next generations, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

If the children are bullied, the psychologist at the Student Counseling Center, Chen reminded, that there are, a few, “landmines”, that the parents can easily step on, to make things worse.  The following is a first-person interview summary with the counselor:

As we hear that our children got picked on, it doesn’t mean that the parents needed to rush in immediately, demand the other child to apologize.  As a child gets yelled at abruptly, s/he may feel scared, then, to avoid further scolding, apologize, but, then, the bullies may get harder on the child afterwards, believing, “You tattle told to your parents, making me get yelled at”, and, an originally small argument may get turned into, a long-term bullying.

Another scenario: get pass the teachers, and go to the parents to confront them for what their child did to yours.  And normally, there are, two scenarios that might happen: first, the parents apologize to other parents first, then, turn around, and discipline their own young.  Another, the parents disbelieving that their kid is capable, and the two parents get into it, to the point of the representatives getting called to mediate.

The two end results, neither teach the children anything, if the other kid is the abuser, but hovered over by her/his parents, how would s/he know, what s/he needed to adjust, in interaction shared with another.  And if, forces outside of the school got involved, the homeroom instructor, even as s/he wanted to intervene, s/he can’t, because the school will not allow the instructor to, and in the end, things are still, left, unresolved.

If the adults weren’t present as the bullying occurred, it would be hard to determine who’s right or who’s wrong, and hard for the parents to determine, if their young was a target of bullying.  As the child tattled, s/he will evade on the details, for instance, being the one to hit first, but didn’t tell the parents, and if the parents went straight away to “get even”, and long-term, this child learned, “so long as I told mom and dad, they will, get even with me!”, which is bad for the developments of their personality characters in the future.

The most important thing that parents should do is to try to understand what happened exactly, and report back to the homeroom instructors, if it’s serious to the point to have a mediator to stop the bullying, then, you take, legal actions.

So, this is on telling the parents to listen, to watch your own young, because if your kid is bullied, it shows, in their, behaviors, and, you, as parents, must not lose it, as your kid comes home crying and told you, that so-and-so punched my nose or whatever, you, as adults, must be the rational ones, because IF you lost it, then, your kid will learn, hey, I can tell mommy and daddy that I got hit, and, they will go after that kid who’d gotten on my bad side, and that’s not good!

The Children in Protective Custody Increased by the Hundreds Annually, Couldn’t Go Home, the Government Adopts Them Out

The Social Services of Hsinbei City estimates, that there is an increase of about a hundred young children placed by the social services annually, about eight hundred young children placed by the government, and cared for, by the government.  The manager of the Hsinbei Domestic Violence Prevention Center, Hsu stated, after the placements, the system will help the families of origin to readjust to be a good enough environment for the children to be returned back; and if it’s confirmed that the families can’t work, then, the children are, adopted out, the adolescents are trained to have a viable life skill that can help them live on their own.

Hsu told, that younger children who are placed out of their families of origin, means that the families aren’t safe, without the provisions of proper care for them, after placing the children out, “restructuring of the families” is an important task, so the help in finding work, parenting lessons, and setting up a resource provision system, like patching up the relationship among the members of the families, to provide more resources needed to care for the children.

Hsu pointed out, that the children in foster care right now, a lot have physical or psychological problems, like the drug-addicted babies, with the symptoms of withdrawal, developmentally delayed, A.D.H.D., then they would need steady medical treatment interventions, and the early intervention measures; if the child in at school age, then, the system also helps them in adapting to their new schools.

social services with young children they need to place…

photo from online

This is, quite, contradictory, to the government’s “complaints” of how there’s a sharp drop in birthrate isn’t it???  Children in foster care, in social services, trending now, off of the Newspapers, translated…

Hsu said, other than the children growing up, the parents also need to have added abilities to them, to find other families as resources for help in caretaking, as all the requirements are matched, then, the children will get, returned back to the families of origins.  But the return to the families of origin is by progression, from supervised visits, waiting until both parents and children are stabilized, then, the return home steps are taken, slowly, increase the time spend at one’s own, families of origins.

Shortest, it’s a few months, longest, the children may NEVER be returned to their families of origin, Hsu stated, that there were the families with children placed out, in a short time, found a strong enough set of resources, for instance, other family members with the money chipping in, in two short months, the young children were, returned; but there are also the cases of after four, five years, the children still didn’t get returned back to their, families of origins too.

Hsu said, that if the families of origin are drug-addicts, with multiple times on record of prison sentences, then, these parents will get their parental rights, terminated, and the young children will get adopted out, from within the country, then, matching the children up with foreign families.  And, for children older than fifteen, and still couldn’t go home yet, there are the plans to help the kids to pay for their own education, to find work too.

And so, this system is, set up, quite well, and, this is also, very awful, because these children in foster program are on the rise by the years, and most of whom came out of families with teenage mothers, who couldn’t care for them.  This is the problem, that came out of teenage pregnancies, and there’s a need, to get these younger generations more educated on the matter, so they don’t keep on, cranking them babes out.

Reading to Children from Birth to Six, Helping Them Get the Abilities of Reading

Once more, reiterating, the importance, or reading with your own young children!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The critical period of development from birth to six, but, how do we get these kids running around like crazy, to sit down and read?  The head librarian of the National Library, Tseng, and the owner of the experimental kindergarten, Chen suggested, that the parents should select the easier to understand illustrated books, and allow the child to set up her/his own bookshelves, a corner for reading, even, including reading in the child’s day to day activities, all of these, can help the child gain the reading abilities that s/he will need.

starting children of from this…

the act of reading to children is more important than if they can understand the contents of the stories you read! Photo from online

Chen said, that a lot of parents worried that they might not be good enough storytellers, but, in the parent-child reading time together, there’s no need to teach the children anything from the reading materials, the most important is enjoying the time they spend together with each other.

Tseng told, that the point of reading together is not the reading, but to increase the intimate relations of parents and children, other than reading, the parents can turn the reading materials to life, like for instance, when reading the book, “Colors’, the parents can take the children to draw with the markers, or take a fitting book, and go to the parks with the children.

Tseng advised, that allowing the children to have their own bookshelves for their readers, that they can easily access.  A lot of the activities of reading can occur in this specific location of the home, as the parents are busying about, if the kids want to read, then, it would be more of a habit, that the children sit themselves down at this particular corner to read.  Chen said, having books inside a small basket will work just as well, place a few books into the baskets, to help the children access them more easily.

so as they’re older, they will be doing this on their own…

the self-initiated reading process…photo from online

Tseng told, that there are the developmental considerations for children reading at different ages, for one and two year old, the reading should be interactive, select the books that are precise, and not with so many words, that are, illustrated, for two three year olds, engage the children into specific topic related reading, the parents can head to the website of the national libraries or the local library branches to the catalogs, to see the preferred, recommended reading materials list.  Chen said, the parents should read the books first, before they borrow them or buy them for their young, for the younger children, the illustrations are important, it can help the children understand the stories’ contents, and, quality should be the focus of reading, not the quantity.

And so, it’s not that important, WHAT you read to your own young children, they just need you to take the time to spend with them, after all, if you don’t help your children establish that love of reading when they’re younger, chances are, they won’t be interested in reading as they grow up, because, everything is still, set up at a younger age in life.

Three Habits Plus the Three Present, Helping to Motivate Children to Learn on Their Own

Schools about to resume, and, if your kids aren’t, disciplined, meaning you didn’t start establishing that set ritual during the summer breaks, then, it will be, extremely hard for them, to return to the normal routines of school again, advice on parenting and education of your children, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Before the classroom sessions were halted in May, the instructor of Chingwha University’s subsidiary elementary school, Yeh turned her professional knowledge of teaching to help the students can learn on their own at home.  The following is a first-person interview with her:

A lot of parents are too unrealistic about the children learning on their own, children are playful in nature, with only limited amount of concentration, if there’s no instruction given prior on how to learn on one’s own, they couldn’t come up with a working plan to learn.

The parents needed to spend some time, and, plan out the working plans of learning based off of their children’s learning differences.  The plans should help the child get acquainted with three things: reading, exercising, and housework, all of these, are related to self-monitoring, self-learning.  Reading is for one’s own life, exercising, for one’s own, health, and, the household chores are, to prepare for living on one’s own in the future. 

In my classrooms, if someone finishes her/his work early, s/he can sort out her/his own desk drawers, to pick up the books in the classroom to read for fun; and now, the students are staying at home and going to school online, are there, enough outside reading materials available to them?  During this time, what new skills can they learn?  Like, making sunny side up, cooking rice; what sort of exercises can the parents and children engage in together at home?

The summer vacations should NOT be filled with endless things to learn, the adults should not zoom in on the children’s learning processes, so long as the child can understand what the textbooks say, then, they have the basic skills they are in need of.  Compared to going after the progresses of learning, try experiencing a new way of life with your families, to become more self-disciplined, for the children, this would be, a more interesting, more challenging, tasks, and it also serves as a, precious learning experience for them.

The child has a limited amount of attention, how can we get the child to focus on doing one single thing?  We can start with the three basic steps, “Eyes, Words, and Hands”.  The eyes, confirming that the children are watching what they’re, supposed to be looking at.  Words, to make sure they recite what they’re learning, to check for comprehension.  The hands, this is for the higher elementary school students’ going from reading to writing, a process.

And so, this is how you can, continue educating your own children, even IF the schools are out of session, you can help them set up a routine that they are to follow, to establish a set schedule of when they can do this, when they’re supposed to be learning their lessons, working on their school assignments, and when they can play the video games, or to go out in the yard to play, and  this is on having your children carry the disciplines they have for themselves, which will, serve them very well when they grow older.

Just Want You to Be Happy

The plans that, fell out of hand, with the rare condition diagnosis of their, young infant, daughter, the causes of the condition, still, not yet, known, translated…

From When Our Daughter Was Born to When She Got Sick, the Trials My Wife and I Weathered, Simply Can’t Get Put into Words, the Original Growth Plans We’d Set Up, All of a Sudden, Fell Out………

At First, it was, Hard for Me to, Accept

When Xiang-Xiang was only six months old, my wife and I noted how she seemed to, be developing, at a slower rate than infants her age, and we’d, hurried up and took her to the pediatrician.  After a thorough check, the pediatrician told us she was, normal, we’d both felt, relieved, but, at the age of one, Xiang-Xiang still couldn’t, flip herself over, and it’d, caused my wife and I panic.

To know what had happened, we’d had the pediatricians to conduct a thorough assessment on her, and in the end, we’d received the diagnosis of “Dope-Reactive Dystonia, DRD); meaning, that the pediatrician can only deduct that something wasn’t quite right with Xiang-Xiang’s neuron signaling system, and couldn’t tell us exactly, what was, wrong with her

From the joys of my daughter’s birth, to being told she’d had a rare condition, the changes in my wife and my heart can’t be put into, words, the original plans of her growth, all of a sudden, fell, out of whack.  At first, it was, quite difficult for us to accept this, but, being Xiang-Xiang’s parents, if we can’t even, cope with it, who will, give her the help she needed, on this, long road, of her life?  Only facing this head on, working hard, to find the cause of her condition, working with the pediatricians to treat her, that’s the only way, we’ll find the right treatments for her, so she could, have a, better life.

illustration from UDN.com

But even so, as I looked at how the conditions of my daughter was very, unstable, I’d felt, helpless, upset, and, because she isn’t health, there are, many accidents, situations that’s, surfaced as she grew up, going to the hospitals became, something too regular, and we’d often, gone for “vacations” at the hospitals too.  On top of that, due to how “unique” our daughter’s condition, the doctors couldn’t set up a clear and precise treatment plan for her, and it’s up to us, her parents, to make the detailed, observations, to finding the assortments of information, data online, to help us communicate with the pediatricians; and because of this, we’d taken a lot of time daily, energies too, to stay close to Xiang-Xiang, and documented the changes in her, closely.

Making Her Happy, that’s, the Most Important Matter in Our Lives

Because Xiang-Xiang loved going out, to observe everything around her, we’d often, taken her out for strolls.  I would put her in my lap, talk to her, play with her, sometimes, we would watch my wife, busying about, wait until my wife’s done busying, and hugged her.  Although Xiang-Xiang couldn’t speak a word, but, from her eyes, we can see, that she was, happy.

Xiang-Xiang is a laughing girl, whenever her tiny needs were met, she’d, started, giggling loud.  Her needs may be a sound we made, or a movement, even, that tiny response we’d, given to her, and that giggle from inside of her, can last for a long, long time.  We’d also found, that Xiang-Xiang, loved holding conversations, because she couldn’t speak a word, she’d, used the various noises, movements, facial expressions, to express her self, and she’d demanded that we “hear” her from start to finish, and so, we played that game of, “Charades” a lot at home, we all worked together, to guess what Xiang-Xiang wants to, tell to us.

Actually, the needs and desires of a child like Xiang-Xiang is quite, simple, being with those whom she enjoyed being around, it’s, the best thing in their lives, while we’d both, done all we possibly can, to fulfill, the tiniest wishes that our, young daughter  has.

To this point, we still have no clue, what’s, caused our daughter to not speak, to not flip on her tummy, to walk, and to, feed herself, but no matter, Xiang-Xiang is our, baby.  As parents, our only hope for her, is that she’s, safe and healthy, and happy throughout her life, while we shall, keep on, holding her, tiny hands, to lead her, to grow up slowly, on this, hard road of life she’d found herself to be one, to become, the strongest backup for her, in her life.

And this, is the love, the devotion, of parents with a special needs child, and the cause of the conditions of this young child is unknown, and the parents had, started to, accept that, they may, never find out what exactly, had caused their daughter’s, condition, but, they’d learned, to give her the love, the support she needed, on this road to life, and that, is the most, important sort of support, of love, that any parents can, give to, their, own young.

How to Tell When a Fish is Going on a Trip?

A few words of exchange between a father and a son, how a father gets, stumped by his own son’s, question, translated…

Summer: When we humans take trips, we take a backpack, that’s how we know we’re, going off.  When the fishes go on their trips, they only take with them their bodies, then, how would we know, that they’re, off then?

Me: how to tell, when the fishes are, going on their, trips…………

On that evening, the moments before I fell asleep, Summer rushed out of his bedroom, and asked me this question of “how to tell when the fish go on their trips.”  Back then, I was, stumped, couldn’t know how to reply.  He’d started, snickering, told me, “my question is, too hard for you, huh?”

We’d often, thought up of a ton of questions that we can’t answer for one another, that was, the game that Summer and I had, shared, during that period of time.

For instance, I’d, held a straight face, and asked him at age six, do you know who Kafka was?  As he’d looked at me confused, then, fallen into that state of, upset, I’d told him, with that cunning manner, it’s a difficult one I’d given you, huh!  And thus, began, the game of two, of us, father and son, and, we’d, given one another, a hard time too.  And afterwards, Summer started, asking me the questions, to attempt to, faze me.  For instance, he’d asked, why do the Herculean Beetle fly to our house?  I’d replied, the Herculean Beetles are nocturnal, because of the light in our living room, that’s why they’d, flown to the balcony.  He’d caught a humongous stick insect once, prodded me, why did the bug sway around when there’s, no wind to make it unsteady?  I’d immediately answered him, that it was pretending to be a twig swaying in the wind, to duck out from its predators, so it won’t get, eaten.

a child like this, with so many questions about the world…

photo from online

Every answer I gave, I’d, taken that tone of pride in my voice, so he couldn’t, question me.  Sometimes, my answers weren’t, precise enough, nor evaluated against the facts, no other reasons, but because I’m a father with the stronger pride.  As I’d slowly discovered, that Summer was coming up with more and more question that became, too abstract, and I’d started, stuttering then, and, given off hints, that I’d not known how to answer him.  Not long thereafter, Summer busted the bad quality of this game—when the questions are too ambiguous, or if they are the questions without the correct answers, then, he’d gotten the chance of, defeating me, and score for him, and, captured back that dignity of a son that he’d not owned originally.

Thinking back, these are, probably, the what-not-to-dos in parenting, forcing my own son to bust my own lacking in “field research” and just googled for the answers on the search engines, my own, laziness.

As the questions of “how to tell when a fish is off on its journey” surfaced, seeing how Summer was laughing secretively, I’d know, that I got, checked!  That this game was, totally, over for me!  And then, there would be, two, three years that follows, which I will be, answering to my bullshitting him, this was also, that biggest, boomerang that he, as a son, can thrown back at me, his father—daddy, can you prove what you’d just answered me?

It’s just, how, how do I tell, when a fish is, off on its, journey?  This difficult problem, should be researched, a someone with a doctoral degree, isn’t it?

In the era when YouTube is used to explain just about everything, trying to find a question that can, faze my son—this surely, isn’t a Q&A game that a father can fake his understanding of things, to fool his own young.

Broadcast Yourself?  That’s it, the game of father and son, it’s, merely, a father, playing, against, his own, self, to make himself feel more important.  It’s just, that now, my son only needed to, wiggle his fingers, and, he could quickly discover, that his father’s questions for him are all, questionable.  And I can only, sigh, that the challenges that the YouTube era gave to us, fathers, truly is, difficult.  On the thought, you, as a father, it doesn’t matter if you have a doctoral degree, or if you actually have a fish, we still can’t tell, precisely, if the fishes are, already, taking their, trips away.  For the children who had yet to grow up, they’d understand to communicate and understand the fish in the tanks, along with being best pals with your, fish.  This, we will, never, catch up to them.

And so, it’s not that hard, to tell, “when a fish is off on its, journey”, I only have one possible answer for now, I’ll ask the tea stewed egg a bit, maybe, I will, get an answer immediately.  Yep, my question isn’t, that easily, answered, huh?

P.S., Tea Stewed Egg is a cat owned by a friend.

And so, there comes a time in our lives, when our young come up with extraordinary questions, not to test us, not to beat us at our own games, but only to show, that they’re, growing cognitively by the day, and, in these moments we get, stumped, we will surely feel, embarrassed, because, mommy and/or daddy no longer have ALL the answers!  How’d that happen, huh?  Because the kids are, smarter by the generations here still…

The Greetings from the Children, it’s the Invitations of Their, Trust

The kid: why should I say hello?  The adults: because WE say so!!!  And that, is the wrong way, to socialize your children!  Translated…

During the New Year’s, a group of relatives gathered, in my memories, I’d always, become, fearful and nervous over this.  As a young girl, I didn’t take to strangers, and hated the loudness, and, as the adults started showing me too much attention, it’d, made me feel, uncomfortable.

The elders who’d come to visit, they’re all, mostly, strangers to me, and whilst I was still, in a daze, my father would pull me over, and urged me, “say hi to your elders”.  And yet, before I could react to the atmosphere that’s, gaining the momentum, couldn’t catch up to the paces of how my father and the adults were interacting, I’d gotten their words of displease.

I was too young to tell the adults, and can only, keep everything I feel inside, allowing it to accumulate, and, “greeting others”, “saying hi” became dreadful, instead of something I enjoyed doing, but “something I had to do!”

Time flew, I’d become, an “aunt”, and I’d found, that I was, really sensitive, like those adults were in my childhood, when the children didn’t greet me.  I’d found, that accumulated over the years anger, displease, upset, with the endless questioning of why when the adults tell us to, we need to do it, and now, their grandkids didn’t have to greet me, and they’d not, gotten, scolded, and were, tolerated?

a child who’s shy around strangers…this would be, difficult for them to cope, having them greet your adult friends and distant relatives…photo from online

Time is a good medicine, made our life experience, into wisdom.  I’d started to understand, that the older generations may carry with them that sense of lack of security, and needed to gain their sense of self-worth, sense of authority from without, and used “being greeted”, to satisfy their own needs of, being noted as someone worthy or important.  In the past when I was too young to differentiate, I’d taken it as my responsibilities, the adults’ demands of me, and became, too tried, and filled with anger.  And, as the adults felt upset because I didn’t greet them, it’s their emotions, while my choice related to, “What sort of a person do I choose to be”, finally, I’d, separated the responsibilities now, severed it off, I’d no longer, needed to, be responsible for the other individuals’ feelings, only responsible for my own behaviors, and feelings.

On that day, my younger cousin whom I don’t interact with regularly took his children, boys of age four and six to my house to visit, they’d, stared at me.  My cousin didn’t tell them who I am, nor demanded that they greet me.  I knew, that the kids weren’t familiar with me, that there’s no need to force them to connect.  I’d, called out to them, introduced myself to them as their aunt, continued holding conversations with them, when they got sidetracked and not eaten their meals like they should, I’d, gotten their attention back, and learned that it was my four-year-old nephew’s birthday on the day.

I’d told him, “happy birthday, finish your lunch first, I’ll give you a pudding for your birthday!”, then the child let his guards down, finished up the meal, my six-year-old nephew searched for me, and called out to me, “Aunty, do you want to play the storytelling board games later with us?”, and, I’d spent an afternoon of time in board games with my younger cousin and his family.  As the kids left, they’d not wanted to leave, and, eagerly made a date for our next, game date.

illustration from UDN.com

The kids are so straightforward, son naïve, and the adults needed to, let go of their hearts first, to learn to show cares and concerns toward the children first, to warm up with each other, and, as the emotions became, connected, the kids will trust you, and naturally, they would, interact with you more, and accept you, into their, worlds.

“Greeting”, is no longer something we must do on the holidays, with a little more thought, giving each other a little extra time, it can bring the joys of connections between people, and, what greater joys there are, than when a kid invites you to play the next time?

And so, this adult had, gained the awareness of what she’d hated of what her adult counterparts made her do, to greet everybody who came to the house, and, upon realizing, she’d, not demanded her own nephews to greet her, and this made them more comfortable, and they’d, connected to her more easily, and once the ice was broken, everything flowed, smoothly.

This still just showed, how you parents, should NOT MAKE us, your children greet those adults who are unknown to us, who are, YOUR friends or relatives!

A Lifelong Hobby

It’s NEVER good, to PUSH your children into something, instead, you should, allow them, to discover just how much they love that hobby you want them to take up, on their own, and, don’t force them to sit down at that piano, to practice for an hour each and every day, because that’s, torture, instead, allowing them, to discover their own hobby, by themselves, slowly, if they’re, mean to, translated…

After reading the writer, Tseng’s “Meeting Up Again with the Piano” on March 4^th, it’d, made me recall my childhood memories, and extended into my current days.

My mother was an elementary school teacher, in the low wages of the fifties, she’d, squeezed out the tuitions, or us to go from the countryside of Chihshan to Kaohsiung to take piano lessons, and told us we all needed to sit at the piano and practice for an hour at least per day.

Being as young as we were, how would we know our parents’ hearts, in the three, four years of lessons, going to the piano teacher’s house was like going to the guillotine, I’d, hated it but not known, how to, rebel against it.

The pressures of keep going in my academic WAS, a great excuse for not taking the piano lessons anymore, seeing how my eldest and second eldest brother entering into the middle school years, getting away from the “guillotine”, and I, the only one who remained in the torture chambers.  This day had, finally, arrived, before the schools started in my middle school year, as the piano teacher played a new song for me, I’d told him, “I’ll be starting in middle school soon, I can’t take lessons with you anymore!”, seeing how shocked my piano instructor looked, I’d felt, that I’d, made my, revenge!

a child that looks, engaged…photo from online

During the summer of my second year in middle school, a group of us gone to a classmate’s home to hang, there was, a white grand piano in the room, and the group of us, started, tapping at the keys, I’d, followed the sheet music, and played the notes on it, and, I was shocked, that this easy to play piece had, brought out, that familiar, tune, and I’d, borrowed the sheet music, took it home to practice, the piece was, “Fur Elise”, as my second eldest brother who was in high school heard me played, he’d, sat down next to me and started playing too.

Because of the foundations of piano lessons lain earlier in my life, we’d found the sheet music we liked and started, playing again, from the classical to jazz, and, when we got into it, we would have a four-hand playing.  We’d played on, for decades, and it’d become, a hobby that we keep, for life now, from before, we’d not wanted to take the lessons, using our academic stresses as an excuse, and, later we’d realized, that in a lot of the times, piano playing, is a good method of, stress-relief.

And, naturally, I’d, wanted to, pass this, gift to my own young, a decade ago, when my daughter was in the elementary years, I’d, coaxed her onto the piano bench, with my own experience in childhood, I knew better, not to force it on her, that I’d had to, give her the rewards too.  My daughter wasn’t the talented sort, to help her continue learning the piano, I’d, carefully, guided her, sometimes, I’d, not forced her to play, to practice, and at others, I’d, told her she’d, needed to sit down and play for a while.

And finally, we’d, made it through, six whole years, and she had, all her fundamentals down pat, just about, and I’d, sat with her on the four-hand piano, and, before the pressures that is about to come toward her at the end of her last year of middle school, I’d decided, to end her lessons, and gave her a “graduation ceremony”, I’d told her, “this is the end of my demands for you to play the piano, from here on out, you get to decide, whether or not YOU want to, play.”

And, surely enough, I’d not, seen her, sit down on the piano bench since, and, three years flew by, at the start of this year, I’d heard her telling me that she’d wanted to, “practice my skills back again.”, I can’t, believe my ears.  Yet, it’d been, two whole months, past her high school entrance exams, and I’d not heard, a single note yet, I’d, told myself, don’t expect too much.

Several days ago, as I came home from outside, before I’d turned the keys, I’d already, heard the piano songs, coming out of the living room, and I’d felt, moved……………

So, this still just showed, how as parents, we should, NEVER force our own dreams onto our young, we may give them lessons, if they ask us to let them learn, but, we shouldn’t, FORCE them to play the musical instrument, I mean, they’re still young children, and children, have limited attention span, and forcing them to SIT down for hours to practice the songs, it’s just, too unrealistic, and, this may end up, slaughtering the love your children had originally, of music, and have the opposite effect of what you’d, hoped to give to them.  If they’re meant to pick it back up again, then they will.