Category Archives: Parenting/Parenthood

Visiting New Places with a Young Child

Some free time on our hands, so, let’s, trek the city together, see what we can, find!  On going out with her young daughter, in a new city, trekking, aimlessly, see what they can, encounter on this, adventure, translated…

If you want to know a city, you must, trek it with your feet; even if you’d only, gotten to that tiny corner of the city, you will, hear its, pulses.

That day, my husband was away on business to Taoyuan, my two year-old, who’s a tag-along, a crybaby, and I, followed him out, became his, extra “baggage”.  As we’d arrived, my husband’s gone off on business, and, at a location without the tourist center, naturally, there’s, no routes to follow specified, but Google is all-knowing, turned the two of us into, those two tiny icons that moved on the maps.

In a location of without much management, if you just happened to be pushing a stroller along, it would make the locals notice you.  Sometimes, surprise, “hey, that infant is, smiling AT me!”; sometimes, the pity, “must be hard, carrying all those stuff, and with a baby on her own”, or at least, that’s, what I’d, read into it.  On our way to Tai-Wu New Village, passing through a tiny community, the residences in the alley were too old, with the years quiet, the elderly woman sitting out of her front door suddenly greeted me, “home for a visit”, I’d only, said, “hmmmm!”, as my response, I’m sure, that the elderly couldn’t see me clearly, or, I may, appear like I’m, from here then, then, suddenly, that peace came over my mind.

illustration from UDN.com

From before when I’d gone out, I’d, trekked on slowly, hang out was, just like this too, you can totally, slow your paces down with a young child, because, the child could care LESS about where you take her/him, and will only, keep on, pulling on your hand to see this, to see that, so basically, the supermarkets could be, a tourist attraction too.

And even if it was the drink shop with the signs, the steams, I’d pointed it out to her, to give a new impression of this world.  For instance, we’d stopped at the native museum, as she’d pointed to the statues of people dancing around in circles and called aloud, “Traditional Taiwanese Stage Show!”, I’d told her, “that’s the dances of the native people!”, then she’d, mumbled to herself, “native dances for the native people, native dances of the, natives!”, she’d always, repeated what we’d told her, and, if she couldn’t find the terms in her tiny mind, she’d asked, “What’s this, tell me!”, so very interesting.

I’d tried my best to find the real “tourist attractions” on the map, and finally, we’d, arrived at the riverside park.  Comparing to all the usual parks, all of these sights, are equally, majestic in my daughter’s young mind, she’d started exclaiming, “Wow!”

Like picking up that kaleidoscope, I’d loved using the angle of my daughter’s views to see the world, hanging out with her, getting along with the cute children, with no destination set, the boring things, can become, cute, and interesting.

And so, this is, what we can find, seeing things, through the eyes of a young child, the child holds that curiosity of life, of everything that surrounds her/him, and has one too many questions to ask us, and, it’s our responsibilities, to satisfy that curiosity of the young children’s, best as we, possibly, can.

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Filed under Because of Love, Interactions Shared with the World, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization

The Younger Generations in China are Less Depressed, with Their Parents’ Levels of Anxiety Hiking Up

The children’s homework assignments, reduced, and there are a lot of parent-children work together, children are happy, but, the adults, totally, STRESSED out!  On the reforms of education policies in China, shifting education back to the families, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Chinese government had implemented the Dual-Reduction Policies (reducing the homework assignments from school, and the cram school sessions) for a year, based off of the surveys by the scholastic communities of China, since the implementing of the policies, the symptoms of depression for teenagers reduced by 78.6-percent, but the anxiety levels of the parents, hiked up about 12.8-percent, showing this, difference in the levels.

Based off of the Economics Daily of China, last July, the surveys were administered.  Based off of the results, it’d shown, that since a year ago the policies had been implemented, it’d effected the education reforms of China greatly, the cram schools outside of the regular schools’ expansion messily got controlled, and it’d relieved the overly burdensome academic schoolwork for the students in school, and more and more parents are paying more focus to their children’s education too.

Not long ago, three scholars from the People’s University of China evaluated the effects of the “Dual-Reduction” policy by analyzing the search engine search terms, the items bought on the shops online.

The study showe4d, in the year of the “Dual-Reduction” policy, the signs of depression in adolescents reduced by 78.6-percent.  The primary reason for this is that a lot of parents are turning to trying to balancing the family and work, and there’s this rise in the services of the families as the “Dual-Reduction” policy had been, implemented.

What made the parents even more anxious is that from before, as the children didn’t perform well enough, they can send them to the cram school out of school, a lot of parents believed, that if they put in the money, they will see the results in the grades of their young.  But, with the dual-reduction policies being implemented, the outside of school cram school selections reduced greatly, and for the parents who are in need of the “makeup classes” for their young, they only have the more expensive options of one-on-one tutoring, this became an enormous pressure to the families’ economics.

Based off of the reports, the root of the parents’ anxieties, one was worrying that their children may not get the highest quality of resources in education; second, the worries of the children being “categorized based off of their academic abilities”, that they can only choose to go to a nonacademic track, which won’t guarantee their children’s socioeconomic statuses in the future.

The report told, that this needs the deeper reforms of the education systems to continue on, to use the resources allocations of the education systems, to ensure that there’s higher quality of education means available to each and every child; using the good career education, steadying the developments of career path, to widen up the tracks, so more children can grow in the directions of their own choosing, to shine in their own fields of interest.  The “Dual-Reduction” isn’t solely a matter of the system of education.

And so, there’s this need for shifts back to the families, because the country realized how important education in the families are, and, that’s why, the government in China is pushing forth this policy, but the effects of how well this policy works or if it doesn’t work won’t be visible overnight, as it takes time, to see the effectiveness of such a policy set up by the government.  And this is not going to be an easy adjustment for the parents to make, because they’d focused solely on making the money, to put into their own children’s education, and now, the government mandated that all the programs these parents can send their young into from before, are no longer available.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Awareness, Child Development/Education of Children, Education Reforms, Government, Policies, & Politics, Legislature, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, The Education of Children, White Picket Fence

Teaching My Son to Take Responsibilities for What He Did

Socializing his son, teaching him how he should behave, when he’d, done something he shouldn’t have, the experiences of a father, translated…

One day, my two-year-old son Flybo acted out when he was on the balcony, playing with the sink and the water.  I’d allowed him to take the cup out to get some water, the kind that was like the Russian dolls, with one inside of another, that sort of a cup.  And, after a bit of playing, don’t know what got into him, he’d, tossed the cup out, watched that cup fall from our twentieth floor home, all the way, down, into the swimming pool.

“Flybo, you can’t throw things!  You will HIT someone!”, I’d told him in a high-pitched voice.  “I’m sorry!”, he’d said.  When he realized that he did something bad or wrong or shouldn’t, he would, apologize.  “It’s okay, but you have to go to the pool manager to tell him you’re sorry, then, go find your toys back.”  Flybo told me okay, and apologized, once more.

In the afternoon, I’d left him to the pool, and told the super what we were there for.  Flybo apologized, “I’m sorry!”, the super smiled and told him that it was no big deal.  I’d taken Flybo around the pools to try to find the cup, but we can’t.  “Fine then, let’s just, go home!”, I’d told him, “No, find longer!”, Flybo declared.  I don’t remember teaching him to say that.  “let’s just go ask the super if he’d seen it, okay?”  “Okay!  Try and find.”, he’d stated.

The super circled around the poolside twice, and still couldn’t find that cup.  I’d told Flybo, “Fine, let’s go home, it’s gone.  Don’t throw your toys out next time, you understand?”, ‘Yes!”, he’d stated.  As we were walking back, I’d taken one more look into the pools, and found there was a light blue object afloat there, focused my eyes, it’s the cup!  “over there!”, I’d carried Flybo up to see, he was excited.

The super stood by the steps next to the pool, used the net, but, it was always, a bit, short to get to the cup.  I’d told the man, “I’ll shake the ropes a bit, to let it float toward us some.”  Pulled on the rope, and swung it hard, Flybo was close by, with his eyes opened up wide, watching, he seemed to find that amusing.

This kid, he did, all of this!

The super netted the cup.  Picked it up, handed it to Flybo.  “What do you say?”, id’ asked him.  “I’m sorry!”, “No, it’s thank you!”  “Thank you”, stated Flybo.  “You’re welcome” said the super, smiling.  “Don’t throw your toys again, you understand?”, I’d patted Flybo’s head, thanked the super again, led my son away, and his hand clenched tightly to that cup of his, we went upstairs, got home.

Maybe, Flybo learned something, or not.  But, this is the model behaviors I’d given to him, as his, dad.

So, in this incident, the kid learned that he should NOT throw his toys down over the balcony, and he’d learned that he should say thank you to someone who’d helped him get his toy back, and that he shouldn’t throw his toys over the balcony again, and, this father didn’t get angry, or loud, and still managed to get his point across to his own young son.

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, The Education of Children

Mommy/Daddy Need to Go to the “Corner”…

Wouldn’t that be nice, for a child, is only, this is, what happens, when the adults “get angry”???

Mommy/daddy needs to go to the “corner”, to THINK about what s/he did wrong!  Mommy/daddy needs to go to the “corner”, like how you punished your children, when they misbehaved, made a huge mess of things in your households?

Mommy/daddy needs to go to the “corner”, to cool down, to think about what s/he needs to change in her/his, parenting methods, because it’s still OUR energies that our own children are, feeding off here!

like this, how you would, punish your, own young???

only that YOU, the parents should put yourselves in that, “position”! Photo from online

Mommy/daddy needs to go to the “corner”, to get some brand new perspective, to reflect, on that wall that’s drawn with, the crayons, the markers, documenting the coming-of-age process of their own children’s, cavemen days.  Mommy/daddy needs to go to the “corner”, so, do leave us alone for a bit, and, when we sort through whatever the FUCK (children should NEVER use this “bad” word!) it is that’s, bothering the hell out of us, then, as we groomed through our own thoughts thoroughly, then, we will be calmer, in dealing with whatever it is that you are doing, that’s, pissing us off.

Because, when you feel angered by your child’s behaviors, it’s more of less, a projection, a transference, of some part of lacking in your own, childhoods…

So, do NOT, blame the child here!

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Filed under Awareness, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Scapegoating, White Picket Fence

Do Help My Parents Become More Independent of Me

The empty nest, experienced by these parents, whose children are, flying the nest, and they’d, switched an angle to look at it, and it’d not felt like a loss, instead, it’d become, a gain to them now, translated…

Close to sixty, the kids of the friends from around me all started leaving school, starting to work, starting their families, setting up their own, careers.  When I’d carried on in conversations with them, I can occasionally, sniff out that sense of loss, and I’d, always joked with them, “sometimes, it’s NOT the kids who aren’t independent enough, it’s the adults!”, and they’d always, started laughing about it, and, lose that sense of loss inside, and it’d helped them alleviate the anxieties that they were all, experiencing then.

The endgame of raising the children, isn’t it to see them become economically independent, living independently of their parents, becoming independent thinkers from their own, parents?  And, as the children accomplished this, the parents should let go, so they can, start off on their own separate lives, so, why do the parents, feel that scent of, loss?

Once I was chatting with my neighbor, we got to talking about how the kids are becoming independent, and I’d blurted out, “it’s usually the parents who can’t be, independent” again, as a therapist, my neighbor seriously responded to me, “yes, a lot of the clients all told me, to help their parents to be, independent of them.”

And, it seemed, that some of these children had too dependent a parent, that they’d, sought out professional advice from the psychotherapist.

When we’re old, so are our children, and can stand on their own, as parents, we would often feel happy, but, loss at the same time, glad to see, that our children are able to show their abilities, but we’d felt, we’re, no longer, needed by them, hence, there’s, that scent of, loss that came with it.

all that’s, remained…photo from online

I think, we all need to start being in contact with our innermost feelings, and when that sense of “I’m no longer needed” surfaces, we should switch to an alternative thought—feel glad, that we’re, no longer needed, that our children are, quite capable!  That way, we will, be able to, reduce that feeling of loss.

A couple of days ago, my husband’s best friend and his wife came to visit, they’d talked of how their outstanding son is studying for his doctorate in the U.S., and the two didn’t understand what area of expertise their son was in, secondly, they’d felt, that their son handled everything on his own, and seeing the look of helplessness, and worry on this mother’s face, I’d told her, “look at you, so lucky!  You saved a ton of energies!”, as she’d heard, she’d, started, smiling.

Yes, we should all be glad, and happy, that our own children have the abilities, to soar with their own wings, their abilities being acquire, and then, we shall all be, happy and independent of them too.

And so, this is on how the empty nest hits everybody differently, for the writer, she’s too happy that her children are, out and on their own, she’s glad, that they’d become, independent, and can stand on their own, that they needed to not worry over them like they were, young children, but her friends were, troubled, and so, she’d, helped them see things in an alternative angle, and as her friends saw the other side of the story, they’d felt, better too, that their children are, becoming, independent of them.

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Filed under Awareness, Empty Nest, Lessons, Life, Maturation, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Properties of Life, Values

My Husband & His Empty Nest

The empty nest of, a, man, that’s odd, isn’t it?  Thought only mothers have that, but apparently, this daddy is, experiencing it, after he sent his own daughter off abroad, translated…

Without any noises, my husband once more, snuck, into, our daughter’s room, to write calligraphy, and I’d asked him several times playfully, if he was, missing her in her absence, he’d always, smiled it off.  Since last year as we’d sent our daughter off to the U.S. to start high school, he who wasn’t talkative, fell, all the more, silent, and now, he’d become, quite, weird, hidden himself in our daughter’s room to write calligraphy, and just, stared into her, walls.

Since our daughter began preschool, because I had to get to school at seven in the morn, the sweet burdens of taking her to and picking her up from school, became my husband’s, from the moment he’d gone to wake our daughter up, to doing her braids, changing her into her school outfits, to picking her up to take her home at night, bathing her, bedtime stories, he’d, taken on all on his, own.  After our daughter went on into elementary school, he couldn’t put up with how lazy his class full of students took to learning, he’d, filed for retirement then, and began his job after retirement as our daughter’s, chauffeur, taking her to and from school, to the talent courses after school, the weekend study sessions, the competitions on the weekends, I’d not needed to take any part in it.

and this, is what it, looked, like…comic from online

As my daughter was through her first six months of private middle school education, he couldn’t bear to see her head, buried in books day and night, and, after he’d discussed with her, he’d transferred her to an international academy over thirty kilometers away from our home.  I’d originally hoped that my daughter could go to the school on room and board, and yet, in both their, insistence, my husband started, driving her to and from, rain or shine, and I’d not heard him complained of how trying it was, to drive the long ways.

I had, originally, wanted my daughter to finish her high school years in the international academy, then she could apply for university out of the country.  And yet, my daughter’s, “Daddy, I want to go abroad to high school, so I can, catch on in the university years.”  And although, he’d felt unwilling, but, he’d, set up the paperwork, the applications, and went with her, as she’d started her school internationally, he’d stayed for six weeks abroad with her.  While my daughter quickly adapted to the life, and yet, as my husband returned, he had a hard time, readapting himself to no longer needing to take our daughter to and from, but thankfully, our daughter would email the lessons that she was learning, to discuss with him about, to alleviate his missing her.

I’d always wanted to make fun of my husband, there are only the moms who are having a hard time in their, empty nest, there’s almost no stories of empty nest dads, looks like, I need to, file for retirement soon, to help him out of the gloom, of our daughter flying out solo.

And so, this father is experiencing the hard-hitting, empty nest, because he was the one, interacting with his own daughter since she was younger, and, certainly, he’d felt the strong empty nest, as she’d gone abroad to study, this just shows how much the man loves his daughter, how he’d, cherished her so, and only wanted what makes his own daughter, happy.

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Filed under Empty Nest, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood

Stop Tangling, the Roles of Fathers are Equally Vital as the Roles of Mothers

On the fathers, missing out on their children’s coming of age, because they still believed themselves, to be the “breadwinner”, and this is still, SEXIST, as children need BOTH parents to grow up into, well-adjusted adults here, and yet, do any of you know this???  Yeah uh, right!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The MERS-CoV pandemic started back up again, as the preschool age children were scanned and found to be positive of contraction, normally, it’s the mothers who look after them, but, the other children in the families also need mom, and, at which time, the mom usually need to go into quarantine with the child who’d contracted the virus, and suddenly, the dads started, shoulder the roles of both father and mother, and they’re normally, fazed, not known how to handle it.

Mother’s Day is here, in my several decades of experiences as a pediatrician, I saw a ton of moms, whom, for the sake of their own young, sacrificed themselves to the point that they lost sight of who they are, to the point of becoming, the “transformer robots”, and this has the biological and the cultural bases.

I’d had fathers in my treatment clinic, who’d not studied hard in school, and felt, that it was okay that their children don’t study too, and, allowed their own young to play all the games on their cell phones as they pleased, to telling their children that they’re going off to serve their jail sentence as “going to get schooled”, and he’d not felt that studying would get you anywhere, and naturally, he’d, let his children, go free.

As we’d become parents for a while, we’d come to understand that the way we use to raise our own young can affect the children’s sense of bliss, and everybody gave the credits of this to the mothers, but, the researches now showed, that if there’s a “good father”, the child is less likely to commit the crimes, or to drop out of school when they’re older, and when they are older, it’s easier for these children with the presence of fathers in their lives to hold a higher paying job, and be emotionally/psychologically stable, with a good relationship with others.

The researches had even found, that if a child has a good father, by age three, the toddler would have a higher I.Q., and, in the child’s life, there would be, less problems psychologically, this was referred to as the “fathering effect”.

The importance of the roles of fathers in a family, usually relates to the “sole economic providers”, but, a lot of the statistics of researches now showed, that men are the ones, helping, or, hurting their own young.

The father and the mother, are the, most important teachers in a child’s life, the father would want to know, what does my child learn from me every day, as the children are observant of the parents’ behaviors, the daily living, the morals, the relations of the family members, how the families treat one another, along with the interpersonal relationship skills too.

And some of the parents believed, that it’s enough, just to, stay beside the children; but this is, meaningless, there must be “participation and interactions” as this is the KEY.  And, the foundation of warmth and that safe and secure feeling of the home is absolutely necessary, if you spend a lot of time with your children, and they’d not accepted that you had, or that you’d, insulted them repeatedly, this sort of a father will only cause the negative effects on the child’s life.

The fathers normally believed, that they just needed to work hard to bring in the money, this is the “toolman father’s” mindset.  If you don’t catch up to the times, you would think, that infants don’t know the effects of time the fathers spends, playing with them, interacting with them, taking care of them, to the point, that years later, the child wouldn’t even care, to forget what their fathers had put in in those, earliest years of their lives.

The fathers are involved, in sports and play activities with their young mostly, if from when the infant is only a month old, the fathers get involved in the infants’ lives, then, by the time the children turn one, then, the cognitive abilities would be higher than that of the child’s, age group, and by nine months, the infant will learn to play with other children, and this is very beneficial to the infant.

So, stop tangling yourselves, the role of the father IS equally important as the role of the mother, and, the two parents needed to cooperate, to compliment one another in the means of childrearing.

And so, this still showed, how important the role of the father is in a child’s life, but unfortunately, all you, stupid men all still believed that wow, I’m the one, bringing in home the beard AND the bacon, I’ll leave the childrearing means to my women to do, and your kids grow up without their daddies, and, become, ill-adapted, because you are absent in their lives when they are younger, and, what the @#$% (maxed out!) makes you think that now that you’d grow old and gray, they’ll be willing to, circle around you, now that you need then, I mean, it’s not as if you’d spent time with your young, is it, no, you only worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, provided the hard-earned dollar to the necessities of our lives, and that’s still, bullshit here!

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Filed under Gender Roles, Issues on Gender, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

The Parents Only Threw the Money Down, and Not Taken the Time to Be with Their Children, and of Course the Children Aren’t Happy

What YOUR (‘cuz I don’t got one!) children are needing from you, stupid parents, so, STOP paying them all with all those, materialistic CRAP already, huh?  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The satisfaction rating of children in Taiwan in 2020 was at an all-time low, nearly twenty-percent of children surveyed felt they were lonely.  In the assortments of reform in education, and the parents stressing that the kids should have fun learning, the correlation of the two factors are more and more, negatively, correlated, such irony.

Reasons for the drop of happiness in children and teens include, time of sleep, amount of exercises, and the pickiness toward foods, there are only a quarter of children surveyed who’d exercised less than sixty minutes or more out of a week, with the average sleep per day less than eight hours, and, the older the children are, the number of hours in sleep shortens.  Half of children surveyed felt they were overwhelmed by the academic pressures.

With the advancements in molecular biology, we’d come to understand, that the workings of how children learn, and the neural developments in the children’s brains, that is, the foundations of children learning to live and learn happily.  The parents are now, outsourcing the means of expressions of love for their own young, sending them to the preschools, the kindergartens, and the cram school sessions, was their means of taking responsibilities for their own young.

The assortments of modern day inventions helped us save the time, like the washing machines, takes the time away from us doing the laundry by hand, and yet, the parents didn’t utilize the time they got.  The smart phones, the iPads, available to the children’s for using, and, handing your own young to someone else to raise, to teach, to educate.  It’s a wonder, that modern day family required so much money to run on, because of the large amounts of expenses, the parents didn’t have enough time for their own children.

Some of the instructors are used to bullying as a method of teaching, cramming in the lessons, and, blaming the children’s lacking in performances to the families’ going on.  And, if the medical personnel didn’t get caught up with the times now, then, all of these knowledge that are new, can’t be accessible by the instructors who were taught the old way.  If those in the children protections realm don’t have the “professionalism”, only using their ”experiences and passion for their work” to manage the matters.  What sort of an effect would it get?

The school instructors, the medical professionals are trained professionals, meaning, that they “have the knowledge as basis, their conscience as their attitude, and passions in their job as their motivations”, not just using one’s own professional skills to help others.  Allowing the medical care professionals to get into the realms of welfare of the children and teens, to help them improve their psychological wellbeing.

While the responsibilities of the parents are, providing the love, that sense of security, comfort, allowing the kids to have enough sleep, a balanced diet, and enough exercises.  That way, the children and teens will be able to learn at a maximum capacity, and, at this stage in their lives, they need no cram school, no talent classes to help them add on to their skillsets, these core abilities can’t be gained by throwing the money down, it’s achieve through the daily goings on of your children’s, lives.

With the various levels of developments of the brain in maturation, when needed, surely, the extra courses are necessary, then, this would be when you need to spend the money on, parents.

And so, this, is on outsourcing raising your own young to everybody else, but yourselves, parents, because you’re all way too busy, making the money, paying your mortgages, oh, and little Johnny’s private preschool tuition just hiked up fifteen-percent this semester, and we need to enroll our kids into ballet, musical instrument, gymnastics, etc., etc., etc., without knowing, that these measures you stupid parents are taking, to ensure that your children don’t lag behind the rest of their peers is, murdering them, what the kids need is Y-O-U-R companionship, and, you can’t even provide that to them, something that’s, so, simple, and you call yourselves, “fitting parents”?  Give ME a break here!

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Filed under Awareness, Child Development/Education of Children, Life, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Pursuits of Pointless Things, The Education of Children, Wake Up Calls

That Final Lesson of Life

Mom’s been gone ten years now, as she’d left, it was like her her whole life, continually worrying over us, that we are worried about her, she’d not become bedridden, she had a heart attack riding in the car on the freeways, and, as we’d rushed her to the hospitals, she was already in heaven, leaving us, flustered.

Born after the second World War, our families are traditional, not stated of love, we can’t even express the love we feel for one another well.  Or maybe, it’s how simple the world once was, or maybe, the schools just didn’t teach us how to express the love, but as mom left this world, she’d, gave you that makeup lesson on it.  Back then, you’d not known it yet, and now, it’d, dawned on you, and, as you grew older, it’d, caused, that warmth that overflowed from your heart.

from when you were a child…

photo from online

During those years of the past, you’d gone home often, to accompany mom out on walks, or to take her out to dine.  Once as you were about to cross the roads, mom suddenly took your hand; at that very moment, you’d felt, awkward, knowing you can’t back away, then you’d, squeezed her hand, and shockingly noted, how tiny her hand was, how soft.  You’d, held it with so much care, like holding on to an easily cracked, egg, and, you’d recalled, that back in your childhood years, she must’ve, taken your hand as you were a young child too, to get across the streets, to shop in the marketplaces, to take you to school, to pick you up afterwards.

And now, you’d often thought: a tall man, leading his mother with her hair all white with his hand.  That sense of shyness from the beginning, to that head up high and proud, strutting, such a beautiful, yet, quite rare, sight from the streets.

And so, this, is what you’d remembered about your mother, that she’d needed you to hold her hand, but, because of the way you were raised, you are not expressive in the physical forms of intimacy toward others, because that, was how you were, socialized from before.

to when you became an adult, and she, an elderly

like this…photo from online

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Filed under Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

The Final Trial

Out of a book I’m reading, translated by me…

I would see the mothers and daughter holding intimate conversations from time to time.  They’d treated one another with respect, and as independent from each other, the mother didn’t treat the daughter as something she owned, maintained the distance, at the same time, still were able to, relate to one another intimately.  Every time I see this combination, I’d, felt envious.  To tell the truth, it’s something really nice.  For me though, my relationship with my mother consisted of the never-ending fights, sometimes, we’d, impacted one another hard, sometimes, we’d, ignored each other, and finally, I’m, to where I, currently am.  Back then, I’d wanted to leave home, to get married early, to want another family.  And yet, I’d come to understand, that I will find no place to belong in at a young age, so I’d, forced myself to become, independent.  And, from this perspective, my mother would be, awesome.

So, why did I have such a mother?  About a year ago, this question surfaced to my mind.  Because no matter what, children can’t choose their own parents, and, it’s this sort of a drawing by chance.  If you drew good parents, then, you’re blessed, and if you didn’t, you would be, tortured in life.

As the question started growing inside of my mind, I’d finally decided, to pay a visit to the fortune teller one afternoon.  I only needed to provide my date of birth, my place of birth, and my time of birth, then, the individual will be able to read my life.  I’d, originally, not believed such a thing, but this was, the only straw I can grab onto, to save myself.

Anything, anything at all, I just, needed a reason, for why I was, born to, this woman who was, my mother.

The fortune-teller told me, that I’d owed my mother a favor in a past life.  That’s it, I was, graced by my mother in another life?  And, it was, from a lifetime ago, there’s nothing I can do, and so, I’d, immediately, accepted the claims of that, fortune teller.  And, my mother being my mother, was also something, she’d lacked, control over.

The fortune-teller told me, that facing the trials right now, is the ultimate test of my spirit, if I passed, then, my soul will no longer need to get trapped in the cyclic karma, and I won’t come back as a human being again.

And of course, that was, that, a fortune-telling session, there was no way of me knowing for certain if it is true or false. But for me, even if it’s untrue, it’d helped me find the salvation I needed.  The words of the fortune-teller gave me that heart of ease now, and I can, better accept the problems I have with my own mother.

The most important gain from this session, was I now know, that I’m, tested by God right now, and, if I didn’t visit the fortune-teller as I’d done when I had, I may still be, living in a depressed mood every single day.

As my mother passed, in the current moment, my state of mind felt like that finally solved math problem.  Although, I’d not made the perfect scores still, but, at least, I’d, passed the exams.

And, this just showed, how we’re, often trapped by the whys of life, we want a valid reason, to make sense of why and how things happened the way that they had, and, this woman, she’d found the answer she was in need of (regardless of whether or not it’s true or false), that she’d found closure, to the awful relationship she’d always had with her own mother, and she’s, moving on with the rest of her life, leaving that baggage, behind, for she’d, carried it for too long, all the way up to the point in her life, and now, she’s finally, letting go.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Childhood, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life