How the Parents Can Interact with Their Adolescents So They Become Fully Mature in the Minds

And apparently this ADULT too, had forgotten, what it was like, as a teen, or maybe, the teenage transition for this writer isn’t as, turbulent as the other teens’, that’s why, she could, DISSECT this matter, so, rationally, but the adolescent years aren’t RATIONAL, they’re, emotional, and sometimes, all the parents CAN do, is to just, stay by their teens’ sides, and be quiet, and accompanying them, trust me, that would work, a whole lot better, compared to you, stupid parents, trying to, DRAG your teens out of the foul moods that they’re, in, I’d been there, and now, I’m, here, so I would know…translated…

If We Don’t Want Our Adolescents to Troll, then, We Must All, Show them a Positive Way to Interact with One Another, and More Strengths………….

Recently, it’d felt, that my reaction time had, slowed, especially what’s going on in my brains, the thoughts can’t get out of my mouth soon enough, to precisely and clearly state how I felt. I’m no longer as articulate as I’d been when I was, younger now, and would BITE down on what I think is right like a bulldog on a bone, instead, I’d, thought for a long while, before I blurt out the words.  Reason why I’d noticed this change in me, could it be because, I paled by comparisons to the teens that are, attacking one another using their sharpened, tongues?

illustration from UDN.com

The Disobedient Generations, Causing the Parents Heartaches

A lot of mothers who are friends, when they gathered up, they are always, comparing, not on finances, or who we know, but instead, we’d, compared how our teens can, talk back to us, to make us feel so upset we wanted to, die.  And, the teens, who normally kept their tongues on hold, when they found the opportunities, it’d be like they found a gun, started, shooting out at random, one shot right after another, and another, without the blanks, and hitting the bull’s eye every single, time, and they never, backed, down.  Although, when we’d heard this from other parents, we can’t show any, empathy, and just, laughed about it, and yet, tears started, rolling down, because our own teens, they’re, worse at talking back.

When getting along with a teenager, the parents cared the most about the attitudes they take to learning, the daily living routines, and the character building, along with they way they made friends, and how they’d, interacted with their, peers (okay, dealing with teens, we need to know, everything!); but at this stage, the adults-to-be, have their own fully developed thought processes, or most already have (or think that they do) the ability to execute their thoughts properly, so they’d felt, that the adults’ words, suggestions are, excessive and nagging, to the point, of our words becoming, road blocks to them.  Normally, the parents who are aware (like me), can no longer use the command methods, ordering our teens to do what we tell them to, instead using our (supposedly, self-believed) means of open communication methods with them, tried communicating with our, teenagers.

But, for decades, the kids already, knew our modes like the underside of their palms; even as we’d, switched to a gentler tone, we can’t, stop these, hormone-raging adolescents, to turn on their, battling mode, to the point, of we didn’t say a thing to them, and they’d, started, attacking, using the policy of first hit first to win, then, we the parents, pick up the pieces of debris from the attacks.  Or course, the sounds of our glass hearts shattering, got drowned out by the sound of the guns, cannons firing out, and instead, what we’d felt, was our blood pressures, rising higher, higher, higher, and higher, up.

extremely IDEAL, but completely, UNREALISTIC! Photo from online

Under Fight Mode, the Children All Turned into, Trolls

The adolescents of this generation, are raised by the online word, they’d only needed to key in the words, upload the images, and only needed to, face the screens they’re, sitting, in front of; so they are, immersed in the culture of criticizing wrong or right based off of what’s being stated online, and became, a part of that, online culture without themselves knowing it, and, when they felt threatened, naturally, their adrenaline hikes, which alerts them to heighten up their defenses, that was why soon as they opened their mouths, bullets came flying all over (do imagine this in your mind).

The adolescent’s survival and battle mode became subconsciously oriented, which translates into the negative trolling attitudes that they carried.  Especially, when they have different views on things with their parents, and are at opposite ends, naturally, they’d become, the weapons of, destructions, injuring all bystanders who are innocent, or those they loved without knowing it.  The exchanges of daily conversations, the views or criticisms our teens have may be ill-intended too, they’d said this wasn’t “insulting anyone”, it’s just how we act with each other.

Now, there’s the new-age term of mocking, criticizing, from before, making fun, mocking, sarcasm toward ourselves was called “humor”.  So, which of these are, higher in the levels of expressions?  I think, what the teens are using, maybe, easier to dissect than “humor”, after, hitting someone, it feels good, no need for skills; but, making our own selves into, targets, that takes, training, to HIT that, bull’s eye!

Opening Our Hearts & Ears Too, to Reroute Our Adolescents’ Thinking Processes

Of course, this, is merely, a passage of life in the teenage years, that we can’t, understand wholly yet; but, I still suggest that the parents need to be patient, to NOT give up on communicating with the teens that you have, and if the communication causes verbal conflicts, don’t get deterred.  Think of the recently heated interaction of the councilwoman, Miao with a YouTuber, I strongly recommend that you parents go and watch it online from start to finish, because this, is a demonstration of the textbook grade, it can give the parents, a ton of, help.

I’d learned, that to increase the chances of success of getting the words in, as the cannons started firing off, don’t think of just how to knock the person out with one punch, but instead, listen, repeating what you hear, helping the adolescents, sort out their own thoughts, to help them clarify, to even, reinforce your own, views; do let them know, that we the parents, are truly, working hard, to understand them.  Or maybe, in the process of sorting these things out, they are able to see their own thoughts in fuller spectrum, and felt, that the adults who’d accompanied them, were criticizing, judgmental, but instead, objectively, offering the sound advices, helping them groom through their, thoughts.

and this, would be, more like it…photo from online

If we don’t want our teens to turn into trolls who loved attacking using the negative things, then, we must, demonstrate the positive means of interactions, to help the kids be understood, to be listened to, and be, empathized, knowing: that they’d been, warmed, supported, and caught steadily by us, the parents, and in the futures, which should they choose, the darkness, the upset, the belittling?  Or, to walk in strides, toward that, sunny path?

If we can, achieve the darkened glories in the fully armed, then, why not, try and face our adolescents’ mood swings, or to, give them the praises, which will lead them onto a less harmful path of their, lives?  I’d only come to understand this reasoning in my midlife years, I want to, offer my thoughts to the, adolescents.

You have to understand, all of these, are REASONABLE, but the teenage years, are NOT driven by reason, there’s the HORMONES raging (internally), the peer pressures (external), and all of that combined, adds up to a, whole lot of, mess, and from my own experience, when I was PISSED off (boy oh boy, did I get, SUPER, DUPER PISSED back in the days), I just wanted to be, left alone, to groom through my own upsets, instead of having the adults, rush in, to pull me out of that, foul mood, I mean, what’s the big deal, of feeling upset, huh?  And, if we’re not allowed to fully experience our angers, our upsets, and all those, NEGATIVE emotions (because they’re, still, tabooed by the adult world here), how the FUCK (pardon…or don’t!) are we supposed to, grow up, into, fully formed, adults in the minds?

The raging turbulences is just a small part of our lives in growing older, so, the next time your teenagers, started getting upset (and, you parents should develop a sort of a SIX SENSE better, I mean, my DOGS knew that I was about to blow, even before I did, because they “sensed” something weird in the air), just let them, fume it out, don’t TRY to SNAP them out of it, let them, feel the full anger, then the, explosion, and if they throw things, that’s okay too, just let them, EXPLODE, so they can, experience the calm that came, after the, explosion, and trust me, this would be, a whole lot better, than you, adults, rushing in, dragging them out of their, BAD moods, and that still, won’t, work well!

Paternal Love

How children are, connected to the fathers, who work away from the homes, to provide for their, families, translated…

The celebration of the temple is about to, start.

The noises, the cars, the assortments of busyness, boiling, bubbling up.

I’d loved being in the midst, looking closely at the faces, making the sketches.

Closely examining the characters the performers portrayed, the delicate colors painted, the masters, the guardians, to the various deities’ characteristics, their, duties, to make all those, different looks of the faces, like they’re all, actually, on earth, watching over the people.

As there was a temporary break during the painting of the faces, there was a little girl, who’d, barged in, leapt into the arms of the man who’s had his, face, painted.  But he’d portrayed the soul collector from hell, and, isn’t that little girl, fearful of, him?

It’d reminded me of an actor, he’d, stayed away from home, filming long term, and finally, he’d found the time, to go home.

He was unsettled, thought that his two-year-old child wouldn’t, recognize, him.

the photo fo the father, gazing lovingly into the eyes of his, young daughter, captured by the writer…courtesy of UDN.com

As he saw from a distance, in the park, his young, leaning on his wife’s shoulders, he couldn’t help himself, but rushed forward to them.

And, soon as the child saw him, the child started voicing out “daddy”, then, spreading his arms, wide, open.

Just like that little girl, whose smile expanded across her face, welcoming her father, who’s, hidden underneath that, painted, face…………

Sure, certainly, there’s, love in the world.  The warmth, are constantly, all around us.

This is on the connectedness of the father and the child, and unfortunately, this doesn’t happen regularly enough, and this can only be found, in the working class families, because the children are usually, maturer than other children their age, and, they’d, appreciated their parents more, because daddies are working hard, to keep us all together, to make enough money for us to live off of.

The Father-Daughter Pair on that Bicycle Trail

The tale of the father and the daughter, how he’d, taken care of her, loved her, unconditionally, translated…

I have a preferred way of exercising, I’d often, ridden my bicycle around the neighborhood, I’d ridden all over the bicycle trails locally, mostly, these trails are, separated from the sidewalk for pedestrians and the flow of traffic of motor vehicles, with almost nobody around, the wind gentle, very, leisurely, I also got to, take in the sights of the fields, and, it’s no wonder, that this trail is, often populated with those who’d come out to exercise by walking or jogging.

like this, father-child pair…just to see his child, smile…photo from online

One day, at the “Pump Trail”, I saw a tricycle coming in the distance, that nostalgic look of it, with the brightly sprayed on colors, it’d caught my, attention.  As the tricycle came closer, I saw a girl in a sports cap, and dark glasses, from the posture she’d sat, and the looks, I suspect she may be a handicap person.

And the one riding the tricycle was older, close to my age, wearing a t-shirt, in shorts, sneakers, from his dark complexion and plump calves, I’m inclined to believe, that he must’ve been, ridden the tricycle a long, long time, to get his dark complexion and bulky muscles.

There were the rest stops of the bicycle trail, the tricycle stopped to rest temporarily, I was just running across the stop, with that curiosity, I’d asked this, “stagecoach”, how he’d come to own this, odd looking, tricycle, and who was he chauffeuring, around?  Turns out, the young lady he was lifting is his youngest daughter, severely mentally retarded, with the severe sort of scoliosis, she’d gone to special education school from her elementary all the way to high school, when she was younger, she knew how to call out “dad”, but, with the atrophy of her brain, she’d, not talked these days.

He originally owned a pickup to take his youngest to and from school, but during Typhoon Morakot, it’d, gotten, drenched and, became junk, so he’d, custom-ordered this, tricycle with the seats; after his youngest graduated from high school, she’d needed someone to watch over her, and he can only, quit his work as a janitor at a local college, and start working as a, full-time, dad.

caring for his handicap child…as both the parent and the child, ages…photo from online

The original tricycle didn’t have the covers over it, after two kind souls learned, they’d come all the way from Tainan, to install the covers, and they’d not received any payment, nor left any contact information, their acts of kindness, were truly, amazing.

The youngest couldn’t sit still at home, when she’d felt upset, she’d started, slapping herself, rammed her head into the walls, and so, he could take her out every day to divert her attention, to see the sights, their tracks covered almost all of Chiayi.  And now, as he grew older, he isn’t as agile as he used to be, but, so long as his youngest daughter is happy, he will, chauffeur her until he couldn’t do it anymore, and their story, touched me.

After this, short conversation with me, he’d, peddled on his tricycle, continued onward, looking at the backside of the man, I was totally in awe, such an, amazing, father!

So, this is, the dedication, the love and the care this man showed to his own, daughter who’s handicapped, and, it showed, how it takes, even MORE, energies, to raise a child with the mental decapacitation up into adulthood, and these children, will in turn, become their parents’, aging companions when they’re, older too.

Allow the Children to Resolve the Conflicts on Their Own

How the kids will, find a way to interact with one another, nicely, without fighting, when we’re not, looking, because they’d, internalized what we’d taught them in interacting with one another daily already…translated…

A lot of parenting volumes said, to let the children sort out their own differences, that parents should not intervene.  I’d worked very hard and long on this, but, it’d been, too hard for me, because the children can’t fully keep their emotions in check, they aren’t, reasonable enough either, lacked empathy too, if I’d allowed my kids to sort things out on their, own, the end result is usually that one of them felt that s/he got picked on, and wailed, or they’d simply, start to, brawl.  And yet, being their mediator every single day, it’s, tiring too.

One day, I was lying on the couch, just resting, my seven-year-old eldest son told me, “mom, you go into the bedroom to nap, I will stay outside here with my younger brother.”, I’d become confused, and he’d told me, that he didn’t want me to watch over them.

I’d told him, that if he’d picked on his younger brother, then, he will be, punished, he’d told me he’d understood, and so, I’d, gone into the bedroom, with doubt in my, mind, and closed my eyes, lying on the bed, while, still kept attention on my children who were, playing, outside.  Suddenly, the two of them started, fighting, my younger screamed at his older brother, as he got angry, and, my older didn’t act like he normally had, mocked his younger brother, or, took advantage of him, instead, he’d, started, comforting his younger brother, and, allowed his brother to have what he wanted.

Then, I’d heard my sons heading into the shower, my younger started, yelling again, turns out, my older was, washing my younger son’s head; he’d done what we did, told his younger brother to tilt his head back, then, soothed him patiently.  I’d, held back my thought of wanting to go see what was going on, wanted to know, how far can my older son go in caring for his younger brother, and how compliant my younger son can, get.

During those two hours, although there were the small fights that came into my ears, but, they’d found ways, that worked with them both.  I was, quite, surprised, and understood, that it wasn’t, that they’d, matured, suddenly, but of how they’d, internalized what we’d, taught them in how to interact with one another every single day.

Later, I’d stopped, needing to, intervene into their, arguments, they would, try and work things out on their, own, and from time to time, they would come to me to “tattle”, then, the “judge” is, needed to oversee the cases.  Maturation is by progression, not achieved in a day’s work. I hope, that all moms and dads can have enough wisdoms, to take their children in getting them to learn to get along on their own.

So, this still showed, how parents would, often, intervene too quick, when a fight is about to start, the parents would, put an end to the fight that’s, about to happen, telling the older kid to give whatever toy or whatever it is the young kid wanted from the older, instead, of allowing them, to resolve things, their own, way, whether it be fighting over the toys or whatever, or to learn to compromise on their own, and, by stepping in as parents, we took away the chances of them, learning how to resolve things by themselves, because mommy and daddy will always step in, and solve the arguments FOR us, and one of us gets, punished, because we took the other one’s toys, because we wouldn’t allow our younger siblings to play with our, toys, and, the kids still, don’t learn a thing!

Unconditional Love

The values passed down from one generation to the next, the importance of the love shared between the parents and their, children, translated….

Love, Although, Limited by the Space & Time, But Due to This Form of Limitations, it’d Made Us Cherish Everything We Come to Share, More……….

After supper, I was doing the dishes, busying in the kitchens, my son did his part, helped putting the dishes and bowls on to the places.  “Mom, do you believe in unconditional love in this world?”, he’d looked, doubtful as he’d, posed this, question, to me.

“What do you think?”, toward this interesting question, I’d wanted to know his, perspectives.  “Of course there is, the love from parents toward their young, that’s, unconditional, I suppose!”, his tone was firm, his tiny face shone of that, confidence.  “If I’m to tell you, that there’s a limit to parents’ love for their young, will you feel, disappointed?”, I’d smiled light at him, knew, that this response from me, will, fill him with the, confusions.

After we got into the discussions, I’d come to realize, that what made him question was the book he was reading recently, “The Beatryce Prophecy”, with a concept of: “the place called home, should allow people to be who they are, and be loved for who thy, are.”  Certainly, I’d told him, that the parents’ love for their young, is revolved around that the love we have for our children, to help them grow up safe, healthy, and happy, and, set up their own self-worth, establish their own self-values, and build up their self-confidence in this sort of a good environment they’re, raised up, in.

illustration from UDN.com

And yet, I’d noted, that to help him understand, that the so-called “unconditional love” also, has its, limitations; all of these limitations may come from the time, the space, or the trials of living.  Especially, the children grow up, the parents grow old.  As the parents go from strong, into their, elderly years, what they can then give to their young, the companionships they’d offered, naturally gets, reduced.  But, as the children mature, they will, return the love they were shown by their own parents, back too.

This love, other than the unconditional giving, there’s the, “responsibilities” and “gratitude” that’s, attached.  I recalled back when I was at my son’s age, in the assignment books of my Chinese sentence structure, I’d wrote that the parents liked their young, that was why they took care of them, and my pops corrected me, that that was “love” and not “like”.  At the moment of time, being in the elementary years, I’d pressed on, “isn’t deep like equal to, love?”, he’d smiled on me gently, “child, like will NEVER equal love, it’s totally, different.”

And now, like my dad answered me when I was in the fifth grade, I’d, told my fifth grade son, “like and love are two different emotions, liking is for the time being, or a little bit stronger than the mutual, attractions.  But included in the love were the elements of responsibilities, gratitude, and, cherishment.  And, the willingness to work in the same direction as the other individual, and the hopes to provide the other person the happiness s/he desires.  Although the parents will offer the young love, but this love, will have its, limitations.  And yet, due to the limitations of the spaces and time, that’s why it’s, so, precious, and we need to hold on to it.”

My son was lost in thought, then smiled and told, “Thank you for loving me.  In your love, I can be like in the book, learn to like myself, and stay true to me.”

Love, although, it becomes, restricted by the same and the time, but due to these limitations, it’d made us more willing to, cherish everything.  In the limited amount of life we get, do take advantage of the now, and cherish what you have in your, arms.

So, this is the conversation the mother shared with his elementary school age son, which is quite, adult in content, and this still  just showed, how important it is, for us to hold these daily conversations with our (still don’t got any!) young, because, that’s how we will pass these values that we hold dear to us, that we want our children to carry on forward in their lives, as these values had been, passed down to us by our own, parents too.

My Daughter’s Tears

On becoming a mother, for the very first time in her, life…how she’d, needed her mother there for her, translated…

Awhile ago, my daughter went to the gynecology exams, the gynecologist reminded her, to come to the hospital to induce labor the following day.  And, googling online, after the labor is induced, it takes, one to two more days, for the cervix to be, fully, dilated; the following morn at nine, the gynecology used the medicine on her, at three in the afternoon, the cervix dilated bit by bit, to spotting, to her water breaking, soon as my son-in-law signed the agreement for the epidural, before the epidural was applied, my daughter was, swiftly, placed on the birthing platform, and, my young granddaughter had come, in such, a hurry.

I got the message from them on LINE, rushed to the hospital, it was way past visiting hours, and I wasn’t, allowed into the ward.  My daughter’s message showed of her fatigue, that she’d, drained herself out completely in birth, plus she’d, stayed lying in bed for a whole month to get the position of the fetus back right, certainly, she needed, her, rest!  Seeing the message with the photo of my newborn granddaughter, round and red face, tall nose, delicate ears, black head of, hair, with her eyes, sleeping sound, so very, cute.

Returning home, I started thinking about when I should go to visit them the following day, the phone rang, “mom, I’m so tired, so weak!  I can’t sleep at all after birth, my body ached all over, they can’t stop the bleeding after I gave birth, and they’d, given me two bags of blood by transfusion too………”, I’d, tried my hardest to calm her, “you are, so very, brave, it’s such a difficult thing, giving birth!” then, “are you successful in breastfeeding?”, “No, I can’t lactate enough, I can only give her formula for the time being, and now, my breasts are so full, I need to pump out my breastmilk now, I’m having the meal specifically to get my lactation to stop……..”

As she’d spoken, she started, sobbing, being as strong as she’d always been, she couldn’t, adapt to this massive change of her, body.  Having been there, I can only, try my best to console, “just eat as much as you possibly can, sleep as much as you can, you need to get your body to recover fully and completely during the month afterward!”, she’d asked me, “mom, when I get back home, will you come and stay with me?” “Of course I will!  I’ll make the time!”, she and my son-in-law bought their home close to us, and now, she’d needed me beside her, and I’m, more than happy to be, needed.

Don’t matter how old the kids get, in the parents’ eyes, they’re always, babies, this is, absolutely, TRUE!  My daughter suddenly shifted back to being a daughter who is, cared for, from a new mother, I’m sure, she’s, filled with, bliss too.

So, becoming a mother, made you and your daughter closer to each other, not just because of blood, connection, but because of how she needed you to be with her, to stay with her, to care for her.

Tears, So, Precious

Let the crying child cry it out completely, then, s/he will find a way, to resolve whatever upset had made her/him cry in the, first place, no need to shut them up!  Translated…

“That’s my precious bracelet, give it BACK!”, in the warm winter afternoons, I’d, gone to walk the tracks, enjoying the hard-to-come-by warmth of, winter, I saw a young girl, lying on the rubber tracks, crying.

The child’s mother and maternal grandmother kept trying to console with her, and yet, she still, cried on.  She’d told and cried, repeated this for many a round, about half an hour later, the ladies who were exercising close by, other than pretending to not care, but paying attention to the three, started, discussing, “she can’t even talk articulately, crying like this!  Get her to quiet down first!”, “Blocking the track here!”, from the sniffles of the young girl, I’d, slowly, piece together what had, happened—after the rollerblading camp was over, the girl discovered that the bracelet she’d made had been lost, broken somewhere on the track, she’d spent a lot of time, and still couldn’t, find it, seeing how the people are, leaving the tracks, the skies are, turning, darker, being upset, the child refused to give up on looking for what she’d, lost, and started crying, to express her, helplessness, her, desperation of not finding the bracelet that was, broken off of her, wrist.

what mothers should do…just be there, as the child cries, there’s nothing that parents need to do, just accompany their young, as they, cry it all, out! Photo from online

Later, the mother of the child, couldn’t withstand the looks of the bystanders that gathered, led the child who was still, sobbing, away from the track, and after that, the mother-daughter pair just, sat on that lawn, most of the time, the mother didn’t say a word to the child, just, sat with her, as the child groomed through her own, emotions, until the night started, rolling in, and the child was no longer, crying, the two patted the grasses off of each other’s body, then, left in, silence.

From as long as I’d remembered, crying was, not allowed in the, adult, world, and, tabooed in the, public places, and yet, this mother showed enormous amount of, understanding, tolerance for her young child, to allow her to express her emotions out, and gave her child the acceptance of her emotions that the child is in need of, patiently waited for her to collect herself, and, a mother’s getting out of the socialized means of the structures of society, to truly, empathize the young child’s, emotions, understand what the child is in need of, and then, give her the care, concern, and guidance, to help the child come to full acceptance of what she’d, lost.

Those who are blessed, are able to use the childhood years, to heal the entire, lifetimes, the child will, learn to groom through the losses that s/he encountered, and sort through the emotions due to the mother’s, understanding of the child; while for me, it was, an important, lesson, in the past, the parts of my own self that got neglected through the years had, somehow, found their, resolves on their, own, I too, was, blessed by, this mother-daughter, pair as well.

So sometimes, as parents, we do NOT need to do anything, just let our children CRY it all, out, but, as adults, we’d, not been socialized that it is, okay to cry, to express our feelings in such a LOUD way (maybe not fully blown like a complete temper tantrum) but we’d all be socialized, that crying IS, bad, and what’s worse, is that the society places such a huge taboo, on this way of expressing our, emotions, I mean, if we don’t cry, how will we, get rid of the salt build up in our systems, I mean, unless you want to suffer from sever Na-K imbalance, which will lead to, more severe health problems, cry from time to time, it’s okay.

It’s still the SOCIETY’s FAULT, I mean, who SAYS that grown men don’t cry?  And, where does it have the words, “CRYING is a BAD thing”, written on some, handbooks or rulebook somewhere, huh???  Crying is, one of the, most, primitive form of expressing our needs, I mean, you CAN’T possibly EXPECT an INFANT to say, HEY yo old ladies, got a DODO in my diaper, it’s giving my baby smooth, silky buttocks a RASH, come and CHANGE my diapers, can you?  Of course, not, so the infants use crying to COMMUNICATE their needs to us, and as we are older, we use crying to EXPRESS our, emotions, and there’s, absolutely, NOTHING wrong with that!

Accompanying the Children into the World of, Reading

Getting them into the habit of, growing up around the books, starting these children very young, and you can be sure, that they come to, love reading…translated…

Do your children love reading?  How do we, get them to, enjoy, reading?  I’d recalled when my firstborn was born, I’d started talking to him, whether or not he’d understood me, that doesn’t matter, I’d, still, orally, communicated with him, to give him the stimulation of the auditory, kind.

I’d followed the work of Dr. Dana Suskin, “Parent Nation”, the three principles of interactions (the Three Ts).

when they were infantile…expose them to, books…photo from online

The First T: Tune in.  The parents learn to focus in on what the children are tuned into, then, participate in it, to add to the connections between parents and children, through the verbal interactions, the exchanges, to stimulate the child’s brain.

The Second T: Talk More.  Not on the number of words of exchange, more importantly, the kinds of words, the way of expression, there is the need to get a variety of expression in a child’s daily life, to help the children understand the connection between the words and the, actions.

The Third T: Take Turns.  Encourage children to participate in conversation, whether if it’s started by the parents, or in response to the children’s, questions, always remember, to wait for and hear the responses of your, young.

In the infancy stage, the parents will do more of the first two T’s, with the children growing older, the third T became, ever the more, important.  The habit of reading, is closely related to the three principles mentioned, above, because in infancy, the children receive the stimuli through the parents talking to the children, including the frequency of the words to the children, the varieties of terms used in communication, the children came to, understand the, world, so, the parents can use the children’s toys and books, to have the children experience their “first encounters of, reading”.

when they’re a bit, older, read along…photo from online

When the child is walking, then, you can take them to the libraries to the children’s sections, to let them explore the books, even if it’s just, taking one off the shelves, flipping through it randomly, to patting the books, smelling the books; at the same time, used the reading times together, to get the kids to get acquainted with, books.

I strongly recommend this means of, parenting method, because the books not only take the children to discover a world, it can, help the children resolve the questions they may have, once this habit of reading began, it will be their assets, for life.

to help them become…book lovers! Photo from online

So, the love of reading, should start, very young, back when the children are still, in their, “I bite everything” stage of life, let them pat things around the house, put things into their mouths, to explore their world, because that, is how the kids learn, through the external stimuli around them, and, putting books in their way, is a great way, to introduce them to reading (well, TASTING and BITING first!), but, get them into the habit of, touching the books more, and, when they’re older, you can, read to them, tell them stories, this will to your closeness with your young, and it also will, help their brains, develop, in the language acquisition, language cortex.

Bull’s Allowance

Lessons that kids learn, from watching how the world around them works, and from interacting with their, external, environment, that they’d, acquired these, important values that they will keep on, carrying for the rest of their, lives…translated…

Bull’s in the fifth grade now, he’d known to save up his allowance from when he was younger, and knew how to share the cash.

Recently, my husband’s feet problem resurfaced, couldn’t walk like he used to, Bull felt bad, seeing his grandfather limping, generously told my husband, “I’ll give you an electric wheelchair then!”, this kid’s plan was to use the his own savings—from the $6,000N.T. tax refund from the government from before, and the insurance pay-off from his contracting MERS-CoV from before.

feeding the piggy, fattening him up! Photo from online

Knowing I loved to plant the flowers, awhile ago, he’d begged his parents to take him to the floral market, to get a couple of cacti, and when the total sum exceeded his budget, he’d burst into tears, “I only have a hundred left of my allowance, I’m dirt poor!”

That day, he and I rode our bicycles in the fields, he’d found that my sneakers were a bit, worn, said, “grandma, I’d decided, I’ll give you a pair of sneakers for your, birthday.” He’d worked hard, saving the money up, waited until my birthday, not only had he insisted that his mom accompany to get my shoes, he’d reiterated, “Grandma, you must, put on your, new shoes!”, I’d felt bad for him spending his money on me, and, decided that I shall, buy him the running shoes too on his, birthday, Bull immediately told me, “dad will buy my shoes for me, no worries, grandma!”

The class was making a uniform, the students were asked to design the shirts themselves, then, vote on them.  Bull’s class were all dragons for the zodiac signs, Bull’s dad’s helping him making a pattern of the dragons, the dragons got voted, and, Bull’s dad made fun, “Bull, I drew everything, you didn’t do anything in this drawing!”, he’d responded, “Surely I had, there’s the need of an extra color printed as the dragon got printed out, thirty dollars per extra color, and, the $780 that’s needed for the entire class, that came out of my, allowances.”

Such a good, “element”!  I truly hope, that he carries this heart of giving to others as he grows, older, and have a, happy, life.

So, this is how generous this young kid is, he’d, saved all of his allowances, and wasn’t, stingy when it came time to, share his money, when his adult counterparts needed something, and, this is a value, that’s not taught by words, but, by this kid’s watching his adult counterparts, interact, that he’d, picked up on this generosity toward, others.

Expressing My Love for My Adolescent Daughter Verbally & Physically

Because every now and then, we need to hear someone say those three “little” words, to know???  Is that, it???  On parent-child relations, translated…

The very first time my eldest daughter went on an overnight campout, without her around us, it was, a bit, weird.  On the final night of her trip she’d called, “will you come to pick me up tomorrow?”, “Of course we will!”

And, as she’d gotten our responses, she got ready to hang up, I’d added, “I miss you so very much, did you miss me too?”, and, there was the laughter from the adolescents in the room from behind her, from her, roommates.  “What?  Not so much.”, my daughter had always been quite rational, and the response, it’d, fitted her.  I’d not given up on it though, continued pressing her, “but I really, missed you, a whole, lot, did you miss me too?”, the group of adolescents are now, bursting in laughter.

like this…photo from online

“hey, quiet down you guys, I can’t hear my mom!”, my daughter halted the laughter of her roommates, and with some hesitation, told me, “yeah, I guess so!”, I was more than satisfied hearing her, hung up the phone.

On my way to picking my daughter up, I’d started discussing this with my husband, I’d told him, in high volume, that the next time an opportunity like this one comes, I shall, bravely declare my love to my, daughter again, to make all her friends, envious.  My husband held the objecting, views, “you will make her the laughing stock, adolescents don’t like that!”, really?  As I’d picked my daughter up, I’d, asked her about it, she’d only, shrugged then said, “Actually, I have NO idea what they were, laughing so hard about.”

The minds of adolescents, really aren’t, easy to, understand (including my own daughter’s), but, I will NEVER, give up on sweet talking her (at most, I will, only learn, to stop when I needed to).

Because we should all, declare our love to those we love!

So, thankful, that this daughter wasn’t, too sensitive, or cared too much about what her peers are expressing, how they’d, reacted, responded to her mother’s asking her to say “I love you”, and, the teenage years are, supposed to be, awkward for a lot of us, because, we’re at that age, of, getting older, no longer, interacting with our parents in that, lovey-dovey manner like we once had as younger children, and the parents need to get USED to that, and try not embarrass yourselves, adults or your own, teenagers, huh???