My Husband & His Empty Nest

The empty nest of, a, man, that’s odd, isn’t it?  Thought only mothers have that, but apparently, this daddy is, experiencing it, after he sent his own daughter off abroad, translated…

Without any noises, my husband once more, snuck, into, our daughter’s room, to write calligraphy, and I’d asked him several times playfully, if he was, missing her in her absence, he’d always, smiled it off.  Since last year as we’d sent our daughter off to the U.S. to start high school, he who wasn’t talkative, fell, all the more, silent, and now, he’d become, quite, weird, hidden himself in our daughter’s room to write calligraphy, and just, stared into her, walls.

Since our daughter began preschool, because I had to get to school at seven in the morn, the sweet burdens of taking her to and picking her up from school, became my husband’s, from the moment he’d gone to wake our daughter up, to doing her braids, changing her into her school outfits, to picking her up to take her home at night, bathing her, bedtime stories, he’d, taken on all on his, own.  After our daughter went on into elementary school, he couldn’t put up with how lazy his class full of students took to learning, he’d, filed for retirement then, and began his job after retirement as our daughter’s, chauffeur, taking her to and from school, to the talent courses after school, the weekend study sessions, the competitions on the weekends, I’d not needed to take any part in it.

and this, is what it, looked, like…comic from online

As my daughter was through her first six months of private middle school education, he couldn’t bear to see her head, buried in books day and night, and, after he’d discussed with her, he’d transferred her to an international academy over thirty kilometers away from our home.  I’d originally hoped that my daughter could go to the school on room and board, and yet, in both their, insistence, my husband started, driving her to and from, rain or shine, and I’d not heard him complained of how trying it was, to drive the long ways.

I had, originally, wanted my daughter to finish her high school years in the international academy, then she could apply for university out of the country.  And yet, my daughter’s, “Daddy, I want to go abroad to high school, so I can, catch on in the university years.”  And although, he’d felt unwilling, but, he’d, set up the paperwork, the applications, and went with her, as she’d started her school internationally, he’d stayed for six weeks abroad with her.  While my daughter quickly adapted to the life, and yet, as my husband returned, he had a hard time, readapting himself to no longer needing to take our daughter to and from, but thankfully, our daughter would email the lessons that she was learning, to discuss with him about, to alleviate his missing her.

I’d always wanted to make fun of my husband, there are only the moms who are having a hard time in their, empty nest, there’s almost no stories of empty nest dads, looks like, I need to, file for retirement soon, to help him out of the gloom, of our daughter flying out solo.

And so, this father is experiencing the hard-hitting, empty nest, because he was the one, interacting with his own daughter since she was younger, and, certainly, he’d felt the strong empty nest, as she’d gone abroad to study, this just shows how much the man loves his daughter, how he’d, cherished her so, and only wanted what makes his own daughter, happy.

Stop Tangling, the Roles of Fathers are Equally Vital as the Roles of Mothers

On the fathers, missing out on their children’s coming of age, because they still believed themselves, to be the “breadwinner”, and this is still, SEXIST, as children need BOTH parents to grow up into, well-adjusted adults here, and yet, do any of you know this???  Yeah uh, right!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The MERS-CoV pandemic started back up again, as the preschool age children were scanned and found to be positive of contraction, normally, it’s the mothers who look after them, but, the other children in the families also need mom, and, at which time, the mom usually need to go into quarantine with the child who’d contracted the virus, and suddenly, the dads started, shoulder the roles of both father and mother, and they’re normally, fazed, not known how to handle it.

Mother’s Day is here, in my several decades of experiences as a pediatrician, I saw a ton of moms, whom, for the sake of their own young, sacrificed themselves to the point that they lost sight of who they are, to the point of becoming, the “transformer robots”, and this has the biological and the cultural bases.

I’d had fathers in my treatment clinic, who’d not studied hard in school, and felt, that it was okay that their children don’t study too, and, allowed their own young to play all the games on their cell phones as they pleased, to telling their children that they’re going off to serve their jail sentence as “going to get schooled”, and he’d not felt that studying would get you anywhere, and naturally, he’d, let his children, go free.

As we’d become parents for a while, we’d come to understand that the way we use to raise our own young can affect the children’s sense of bliss, and everybody gave the credits of this to the mothers, but, the researches now showed, that if there’s a “good father”, the child is less likely to commit the crimes, or to drop out of school when they’re older, and when they are older, it’s easier for these children with the presence of fathers in their lives to hold a higher paying job, and be emotionally/psychologically stable, with a good relationship with others.

The researches had even found, that if a child has a good father, by age three, the toddler would have a higher I.Q., and, in the child’s life, there would be, less problems psychologically, this was referred to as the “fathering effect”.

The importance of the roles of fathers in a family, usually relates to the “sole economic providers”, but, a lot of the statistics of researches now showed, that men are the ones, helping, or, hurting their own young.

The father and the mother, are the, most important teachers in a child’s life, the father would want to know, what does my child learn from me every day, as the children are observant of the parents’ behaviors, the daily living, the morals, the relations of the family members, how the families treat one another, along with the interpersonal relationship skills too.

And some of the parents believed, that it’s enough, just to, stay beside the children; but this is, meaningless, there must be “participation and interactions” as this is the KEY.  And, the foundation of warmth and that safe and secure feeling of the home is absolutely necessary, if you spend a lot of time with your children, and they’d not accepted that you had, or that you’d, insulted them repeatedly, this sort of a father will only cause the negative effects on the child’s life.

The fathers normally believed, that they just needed to work hard to bring in the money, this is the “toolman father’s” mindset.  If you don’t catch up to the times, you would think, that infants don’t know the effects of time the fathers spends, playing with them, interacting with them, taking care of them, to the point, that years later, the child wouldn’t even care, to forget what their fathers had put in in those, earliest years of their lives.

The fathers are involved, in sports and play activities with their young mostly, if from when the infant is only a month old, the fathers get involved in the infants’ lives, then, by the time the children turn one, then, the cognitive abilities would be higher than that of the child’s, age group, and by nine months, the infant will learn to play with other children, and this is very beneficial to the infant.

So, stop tangling yourselves, the role of the father IS equally important as the role of the mother, and, the two parents needed to cooperate, to compliment one another in the means of childrearing.

And so, this still showed, how important the role of the father is in a child’s life, but unfortunately, all you, stupid men all still believed that wow, I’m the one, bringing in home the beard AND the bacon, I’ll leave the childrearing means to my women to do, and your kids grow up without their daddies, and, become, ill-adapted, because you are absent in their lives when they are younger, and, what the @#$% (maxed out!) makes you think that now that you’d grow old and gray, they’ll be willing to, circle around you, now that you need then, I mean, it’s not as if you’d spent time with your young, is it, no, you only worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, provided the hard-earned dollar to the necessities of our lives, and that’s still, bullshit here!

The Parents Only Threw the Money Down, and Not Taken the Time to Be with Their Children, and of Course the Children Aren’t Happy

What YOUR (‘cuz I don’t got one!) children are needing from you, stupid parents, so, STOP paying them all with all those, materialistic CRAP already, huh?  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The satisfaction rating of children in Taiwan in 2020 was at an all-time low, nearly twenty-percent of children surveyed felt they were lonely.  In the assortments of reform in education, and the parents stressing that the kids should have fun learning, the correlation of the two factors are more and more, negatively, correlated, such irony.

Reasons for the drop of happiness in children and teens include, time of sleep, amount of exercises, and the pickiness toward foods, there are only a quarter of children surveyed who’d exercised less than sixty minutes or more out of a week, with the average sleep per day less than eight hours, and, the older the children are, the number of hours in sleep shortens.  Half of children surveyed felt they were overwhelmed by the academic pressures.

With the advancements in molecular biology, we’d come to understand, that the workings of how children learn, and the neural developments in the children’s brains, that is, the foundations of children learning to live and learn happily.  The parents are now, outsourcing the means of expressions of love for their own young, sending them to the preschools, the kindergartens, and the cram school sessions, was their means of taking responsibilities for their own young.

The assortments of modern day inventions helped us save the time, like the washing machines, takes the time away from us doing the laundry by hand, and yet, the parents didn’t utilize the time they got.  The smart phones, the iPads, available to the children’s for using, and, handing your own young to someone else to raise, to teach, to educate.  It’s a wonder, that modern day family required so much money to run on, because of the large amounts of expenses, the parents didn’t have enough time for their own children.

Some of the instructors are used to bullying as a method of teaching, cramming in the lessons, and, blaming the children’s lacking in performances to the families’ going on.  And, if the medical personnel didn’t get caught up with the times now, then, all of these knowledge that are new, can’t be accessible by the instructors who were taught the old way.  If those in the children protections realm don’t have the “professionalism”, only using their ”experiences and passion for their work” to manage the matters.  What sort of an effect would it get?

The school instructors, the medical professionals are trained professionals, meaning, that they “have the knowledge as basis, their conscience as their attitude, and passions in their job as their motivations”, not just using one’s own professional skills to help others.  Allowing the medical care professionals to get into the realms of welfare of the children and teens, to help them improve their psychological wellbeing.

While the responsibilities of the parents are, providing the love, that sense of security, comfort, allowing the kids to have enough sleep, a balanced diet, and enough exercises.  That way, the children and teens will be able to learn at a maximum capacity, and, at this stage in their lives, they need no cram school, no talent classes to help them add on to their skillsets, these core abilities can’t be gained by throwing the money down, it’s achieve through the daily goings on of your children’s, lives.

With the various levels of developments of the brain in maturation, when needed, surely, the extra courses are necessary, then, this would be when you need to spend the money on, parents.

And so, this, is on outsourcing raising your own young to everybody else, but yourselves, parents, because you’re all way too busy, making the money, paying your mortgages, oh, and little Johnny’s private preschool tuition just hiked up fifteen-percent this semester, and we need to enroll our kids into ballet, musical instrument, gymnastics, etc., etc., etc., without knowing, that these measures you stupid parents are taking, to ensure that your children don’t lag behind the rest of their peers is, murdering them, what the kids need is Y-O-U-R companionship, and, you can’t even provide that to them, something that’s, so, simple, and you call yourselves, “fitting parents”?  Give ME a break here!

That Final Lesson of Life

Mom’s been gone ten years now, as she’d left, it was like her her whole life, continually worrying over us, that we are worried about her, she’d not become bedridden, she had a heart attack riding in the car on the freeways, and, as we’d rushed her to the hospitals, she was already in heaven, leaving us, flustered.

Born after the second World War, our families are traditional, not stated of love, we can’t even express the love we feel for one another well.  Or maybe, it’s how simple the world once was, or maybe, the schools just didn’t teach us how to express the love, but as mom left this world, she’d, gave you that makeup lesson on it.  Back then, you’d not known it yet, and now, it’d, dawned on you, and, as you grew older, it’d, caused, that warmth that overflowed from your heart.

from when you were a child…

photo from online

During those years of the past, you’d gone home often, to accompany mom out on walks, or to take her out to dine.  Once as you were about to cross the roads, mom suddenly took your hand; at that very moment, you’d felt, awkward, knowing you can’t back away, then you’d, squeezed her hand, and shockingly noted, how tiny her hand was, how soft.  You’d, held it with so much care, like holding on to an easily cracked, egg, and, you’d recalled, that back in your childhood years, she must’ve, taken your hand as you were a young child too, to get across the streets, to shop in the marketplaces, to take you to school, to pick you up afterwards.

And now, you’d often thought: a tall man, leading his mother with her hair all white with his hand.  That sense of shyness from the beginning, to that head up high and proud, strutting, such a beautiful, yet, quite rare, sight from the streets.

And so, this, is what you’d remembered about your mother, that she’d needed you to hold her hand, but, because of the way you were raised, you are not expressive in the physical forms of intimacy toward others, because that, was how you were, socialized from before.

to when you became an adult, and she, an elderly

like this…photo from online

The Final Trial

Out of a book I’m reading, translated by me…

I would see the mothers and daughter holding intimate conversations from time to time.  They’d treated one another with respect, and as independent from each other, the mother didn’t treat the daughter as something she owned, maintained the distance, at the same time, still were able to, relate to one another intimately.  Every time I see this combination, I’d, felt envious.  To tell the truth, it’s something really nice.  For me though, my relationship with my mother consisted of the never-ending fights, sometimes, we’d, impacted one another hard, sometimes, we’d, ignored each other, and finally, I’m, to where I, currently am.  Back then, I’d wanted to leave home, to get married early, to want another family.  And yet, I’d come to understand, that I will find no place to belong in at a young age, so I’d, forced myself to become, independent.  And, from this perspective, my mother would be, awesome.

So, why did I have such a mother?  About a year ago, this question surfaced to my mind.  Because no matter what, children can’t choose their own parents, and, it’s this sort of a drawing by chance.  If you drew good parents, then, you’re blessed, and if you didn’t, you would be, tortured in life.

As the question started growing inside of my mind, I’d finally decided, to pay a visit to the fortune teller one afternoon.  I only needed to provide my date of birth, my place of birth, and my time of birth, then, the individual will be able to read my life.  I’d, originally, not believed such a thing, but this was, the only straw I can grab onto, to save myself.

Anything, anything at all, I just, needed a reason, for why I was, born to, this woman who was, my mother.

The fortune-teller told me, that I’d owed my mother a favor in a past life.  That’s it, I was, graced by my mother in another life?  And, it was, from a lifetime ago, there’s nothing I can do, and so, I’d, immediately, accepted the claims of that, fortune teller.  And, my mother being my mother, was also something, she’d lacked, control over.

The fortune-teller told me, that facing the trials right now, is the ultimate test of my spirit, if I passed, then, my soul will no longer need to get trapped in the cyclic karma, and I won’t come back as a human being again.

And of course, that was, that, a fortune-telling session, there was no way of me knowing for certain if it is true or false. But for me, even if it’s untrue, it’d helped me find the salvation I needed.  The words of the fortune-teller gave me that heart of ease now, and I can, better accept the problems I have with my own mother.

The most important gain from this session, was I now know, that I’m, tested by God right now, and, if I didn’t visit the fortune-teller as I’d done when I had, I may still be, living in a depressed mood every single day.

As my mother passed, in the current moment, my state of mind felt like that finally solved math problem.  Although, I’d not made the perfect scores still, but, at least, I’d, passed the exams.

And, this just showed, how we’re, often trapped by the whys of life, we want a valid reason, to make sense of why and how things happened the way that they had, and, this woman, she’d found the answer she was in need of (regardless of whether or not it’s true or false), that she’d found closure, to the awful relationship she’d always had with her own mother, and she’s, moving on with the rest of her life, leaving that baggage, behind, for she’d, carried it for too long, all the way up to the point in her life, and now, she’s finally, letting go.

The Young Alien & Mr. Sun

How this young child is, learning about the world, through the inquiries he had for him mommy, on the inquisitive nature so a young child, translated…

Not long ago, my son became a “freshman” of the preschool class of children.  The preschool was in the midst of a field, with the tiny train station, the electric cable cars.

In three months, my son is turning three.  At this age, the children are stubborn, and started exercising their own autonomy, giving the adults, huge, headaches.  Being as young as he, he was, an alien from a different planet, accidentally “landed” into this world of ours, and, everything here, the rules, the orders of how things happen, surely, is totally, unfamiliar, to him, and, toward this, weird and unknown planet he’d, landed on, it must be, unsettling for him, I suppose?  Up to here, I guess, I can, settle myself down, to cope with his, tantrums again, who’d, sometimes smiled, sometimes, acted upset, totally, unreasonable.

how parents can feed to the curiosities of children, starting at a very young age…photo from online

He’d, relied on my words, to get to know this world.  For instance, we park our cars in the parking lot, our car parks in the basement level one of the garage; if we’re to go out on the scooters, he knew, to press the B1 button on the elevator when we get in.  For instance, early in the morn, is when everybody goes out to work, and in the evenings, it’s time for everybody to come home from school and from work too.  Like in the evenings, he’d still wanted to play longer out, then I’d told him, that the skies are getting dark soon, that mommy would get nervous, to ride her scooter home in the darkness.  I’d lifted him, high up, to show him that red sun that’s, half-set not the western skies in the distant mountains, told him: “that’s Mr. Sun, he’s about to get off from work and when he does, the skies will, turn dark!”

And today, I rode out on my bicycle to pick him up.  As I strapped him in, he saw that sun setting by the edge of that distant mountain, he’d pointed to it, stated, “mom look, the sun is about to fall down!”

“Yep, Mr. Sun is about to get off work!  He’s headed home for his supper!”, I’d told him.

He thought a bit, stated, “going to B1?”

I can’t help but smiled.

“Maybe.”

“Does he live in B1?”, my young son pressed.

“Mommy wouldn’t know, does he, live in, B1?”

I pedaled hard, got my bicycle, through the fields, passing through the buildings that grew taller, taller, and taller before us, rode into the darkness, with the neon signs, waking up in the nights.  The night breezes, blew our conversation, far, far, far off into, the distances.

And this is, an ordinary day of after work, of picking your young son to get home, and, in these few short moments from picking him up to arriving home, you two shared the wonderful moments of connecting to one another, and, your son will, keep these memories of his younger years intact, and, he will be, intrigued by the outside world because, you allowed him to inquire, to ask questions he may have regarding his surrounding environment, getting that love of learning about things he never encountered before going inside of him.

I Don’t Need You Anymore, Mom

Trying to get the parents to stop worrying about their own young here, a poem, translated…

I Don’t Need You Anymore, Mom

The Speed to Which I’m Currently Traveling is 291 Kilometers

Right Inside the Washer

That Story inside My Pockets

Sped with Me

Gotten Wet, then Ruined

Mom, No Worries

I Shall Dry My Self up in the Sun

Becoming a Piece of Paper

That Swayed, Wandered, in the, Wind

So this, is a child’s attempts, to stop the parent from worrying about her or him, and the child may be going through some trials, but, to help her/his own parents feel more at ease, s/he’d told the parent, that s/he is still, fine.  That, is what a lot of us, children would do, because we don’t want to cause anymore troubles for our own parents, they got enough on their plates already!

The Sunshine of My Childhood

How a book made a child’s life different, and helped her/him get into the habits of reading, and loving it, translated…

It was, about the fifth grade, when my happy, carefree childhood became, overshadowed with the upsets, I either envied how my classmates could take up piano lessons, or that I’d bugged my parents to give me dolls with the clothes I can change them into, to have a dog, but, all of these wishes, all fell out, I’d felt, that nothing was going my way, that I was so unhappy.

One day, as I arrived home from school, there was, a “dog”, exactly the breed I’d wanted, a white spitz, it was printed on the cover of a book: “Missing You————the Memoirs of a Dog”.  From when I was young, my father would bring home the reading materials, the story books to me, and I’d, this book very quickly.  As I found free time later on, I’d, often read, reread this books, felt, that I actually, had a dog of my own.  He, chased my annoying wants, and, brought me that sense of happiness I hadn’t realized I could have for a long, long time.

instilling the love of reading in children starting at a young age…photo from online

One day, I’d picked up this book, and, saw on the preface, that I’d, always skipped on the passage stated, “there are so many children who can’t have dogs, and I feel bad for them, so, I am giving these young readers a gift, so they can have, a ‘Snow’ of their own after they read, becoming ‘Snow’s’ best friend.” As I read through the passage, I’d felt, that sense of moving I’d never felt before, like receiving a present for Christmas, with the handwritten letters from Santa too!

I’m truly grateful for the writer, Lin, to allow me to feel the joys of having a dog n my childhood years, to feel the warmth of the love of the writer, to know how amazing it is, in a world of books.  For me, Mr. Lin became that sunshine, that warmed my heart up.

And so, this, is the influence of books to children, which showed how important it is, the parents need to tell their children stories, to instill that love of reading in them, and, reading is a good spare time activity, compared to gluing the eyes onto that cell phone screen, T.V. screen, or computer screen, and this habit of reading should start off at a young age.

A More Advanced Version of a Daughter Thief

This is how to, pave the way, to make sure, that your own children will be, more than, willing to stay close to you, instead of, getting as far away from you as they possibly can, when they’re older, by putting in the time to spend with them, by treating them well, translated…

I’d been a daughter thief for a couple of decades now, and I believe my ability to “steal” is, excellent, that I’d gained every time I “stole”.  Thought I’d, learned from the best, and become, the best, but, my throne is slowly, stolen from me, from my daughter who’s, in her, twenties now.

On the weekend we went shopping together, the two of us went trying on the outfits in the fitting rooms.  My daughter’s sharpened eyes, always found the fitting clothes in the young ladies’ sections for her old lady.  At the checkout, I was so happy I’d, found the bathing suits for the fountains of my youth, and naturally, I’d, paid for my daughter’s tab too.

Every now and then, she’d recommended to me the restaurants for afternoon tea, she knew, that her mom longed for romance the most.  And, in the setting of the light being just right, setting of the romantic mood, enjoying the sweetness of the treats, I’d been, more than willing to, pull my credit card out, and pay for the tabs.  I’d missed how when my daughter was still younger, and how we’d gone traveling as a whole family.  But, for the younger generations that’s just started working, they don’t make enough money, and don’t have that many days of, vacation time either.  And now, as we invited her to travel, all she needed to do, was to set the time aside for the vacation, and, we’d, covered her for the hotels, the restaurants, and the transportation too, and, it’d not ached our hearts, spending, the extra wads of, cash for her.

Actually, I’m really glad, of this, advanced version of a daughter-thief in my home.  Because of her coming out shopping with me, I was able to dress in a younger fashion, and it’d, made me more willing, and open to try a variety of styles of attires.  Our closets are, opened to one another, and, we are, about thirty years apart, and yet, we’d, traded clothes from time to time.  And because of her finding more things out for me, I got the opportunities to, treat myself better.  To find a good and valid excuse, to stay away from my own kitchen, to go into the restaurants I normally wouldn’t, venture into, and gotten the opportunities, to try the different varieties of foods.

Into my empty nest now, and I’d, cherished these outings with my families more.  Money is easily made, and, the limited resources we’d exchanged, for that unlimited blessing of our daughter’s, companionship, more than worth it!  If one day, maybe, my daughter’s “more advanced” version of being a thief might gain a couple more extra “thieves”.  But actually I’d wanted, make the extra sets of keys for my future grandchildren, for them, to come and “steal” things from my house, anytime they wish to.

And so, this is the point, money isn’t that important, the time shared is, and yet, most of you adults, spends all your working years, working, working, working away, saving up just enough (and maybe not even) for your own children so they will have more than enough materials, like you never had when you were growing up, without realizing, that spending the time with your children when they’re still, young is the most important thing, and, in this family, the parents must’ve already done their job as the parents correctly, which is why the daughter is now, more than willing to, spend more time, accompanying the parents out, and these parents are now, blessed, to have their daughter as their, “partner in crime”.

The Lines on Your Face Grew, Softer…

Why are you, not as mean to him as you were to me???

I watched the lines on your face grew, softer, as you, interact with my son, and he loves you, and I guess, that I feared you more than I loved you, because you’d, always made those, too harsh, too high for me to achieve expectations.  But why is it, that when you see my son the lines on your face grew, softer, huh???

Oh, maybe, it’s, how you’re now, a grandparent, and, grandparents’ only job is to, spoil and love their own grandchildren, right?  But, why can’t YOU, love me like, you love my son too from before, huh???

Was it because, back when we were younger, you had to work, to provide for us, and the heavy burdens of the household economics, crushed you down, grounded you, minced you up (like those ground beef, ground pork that got, “passed” out of those, meat grinders???)

Or, maybe, you’re, just overcompensating, for what you’d missed out on when I was growing up, not spent the time, not kissed me goodnight, not read me those, illustrated books, that you’re now, making it up, with my son, was that it?

The lines on your face may have grown, softer, but, guess what, daddy dearest, my heart had long been, hardened like that STEEL, and, nothing’s gonna, EVER, break this, once-fragile, porcelain again.

And, don’t think, that for one second, I will, EVER, allow you, anywhere, N-E-A-R, my son (yeah uh, as if  had one already???  Oh wait, my DEAD Emily should be THIRTEEN already and yet, where is this, nonexistent, “son” of mine again???), ever, because you don’t deserve to be a grandpa, and besides, just like me, my “son”, never has a father, unless, you want to go meet him, and he would be………what’s that dude’s face again???  Oh yeah, it’s, DONOR X!

And that’s, one more session with the circus full of, FREAKS, with ME the QUEEN “herself”(so, I’m still referring to me in the third-person, call me crazy, why don’t ya!!!) as the RING LEADER…………

Show’s over, you know what you need to pay my secretaries (no, I’m no longer, reintroducing them again, ‘k???).