My Daughter, Who No Longer Needed Me to Wait for the Bus with Her

How fast the children grow up, one day, they still need you, and the very next moment, they no longer, needed you, to watch over them anymore!  Translated…

Having to go to school out-of-district, to the big-eyed girl who’d lived, quite simply, was a huge leap out of her comfort zone, a passageway into, an alternative, realm; while her first obstacle was, take the bus.  For this, she’d asked her classmate to accompany her, and, looking at her animated as she returned, sharing her experiences, I’d thought, she should have, no problems then.

“You will, go with me tomorrow, right?”, the night before the summer sessions, I’d received that, helpless inquiry, which alerted me.  The following morn, I’d gone with the big-eyed girl, to the sidewalk with the huge flamegold, and saw a tour bus, parked by, with the LED lights of “XX Student Shuttle”, I’d said hello to the driver, “I shall be driving this route from here on out”, he’d told me.

Then, going to the bus stop, the two of us, mother and daughter, became our, routines.

how we started…photo from online

And one day, my big-eyed girl did NOT go right up the bus, but instead, traded whispers with the driver, I’d questioned it, but didn’t feel proper to inquire her about it then.  As she’d returned home, she’d told me what the driver told her, “he’d said, you live so close, and you still have your mom accompany you, you need to, learn to get to the bus stop on your own!”, as those words came, the air, froze, “So, will you, still, accompany to the bus stop?”, I’d fallen, silent.

On this night, the darkness draped over us, my daughter didn’t get home, I’d called her cell, she’d not, picked up, which made the wait for her to come home even, longer; then, “CLACK!”, cut open that heavyset air of night, the sound of key turning, my daughter dropped her backpack, mumbled, “I’d accidentally, fallen asleep on the bus, and rode it to the terminal station by accident, there was only, me………….” “How did you get home then?”  “The driver gave me a lift, and he’d told me, ‘young lady, don’t fall asleep again on the bus.’” And, I’d heard the steady voice of the driver, “tell mom, that you will be very safe, there’s nothing she needs to worry about.”

We’d gone from the summer into the winter, I’d thought, that we would, keep on, walking like this, but my big-eyed daughter blocked me from exiting the house with her, looking at her tiny frame, going farther, and farther, and farther, away.  “It’s just a few steps out, why are you, worried?”, her words echoed in my mind, seemingly question my faith in her.  Don’t I trust the characters of the driver?  And, will I give her time, space, to discover who she is, how she is to, become, what and who she wants to, become………….

Then, “Pop”, that thought was, interrupted, I lifted my head, it was the flamegold rain tree’s seed, popping out, the seeds, worked so very hard, to break away out of the shells that once, kept them all, safe, looking back, the shells are still, full but they’d now become, emptied on the inside.  I’d come to understand, that the tree used an entire year, to birth out its, own offspring, and as the seeds are matured, they’d, broken out, and away, far off, and yet, the trees can’t just, let go easily.  Isn’t this, the way of nature, just like how my big eyed daughter will, eventually need to, shoulder her own life, to learn the lessons she would need, and if she’s ready, what right have I, to hold her, back?

“Don’t worry, she’ll be, safe”, the driver’s words echoed between the trees, and the, skies.

and it’d become…like this, as they gained, more independence from us, the parents! Photo from online

And so, this is, watching your own daughter grow up, and, you feel a bit, sad, because she no longer needed you, to watch over her, to take care of everything for her, she is, learning to grow up strong, to take care of herself, and you should be glad, that you’d, taught her well, it’s just, that you feel, a bit, sad, that she’s, needing you, less and less each and every day, but that’s just how life goes.  Children will become, independent of their, parents, and the parents must learn to effectively deal with the sense of, empty nest…

Between Efficiency & Discovery

My way versus your way, which way’s, better???  Why don’t you do your way, and I do mine?  Translated…

My son was, peeling off the garlic, ready to, stir-fry the shark meat, close by to him, I watched, as he worked really hard, trying to, peel off the garlic, then, I’d, picked up the butcher’s knife, SMACK!, took off the garlic peel easily. He’d glanced over, and, continued, using his own way, to do things, I’d not said another word, just, let him do it on his own way.

Recalled how an elder saw that I did the dishes differently than she had, she’d, started, giving me the how-to; out of respect, I’d, followed her means, but, as she’d left the kitchen, I’d started, doing the dishes, my way again.  Think about it, I too, hated, to copy others’ means.

Thinking on the matter more closely, there are, the miniscule, the unimportant matters of life, there’s no need to zoom in on the procedural, so long as I got it done.  But, the more experienced would often direct the younger generations, based off of how they’d done things.  Hoping that by this way, it can save the younger generations some turns, to become, more, efficient, surely, they came from, the good wills, but, disregarded how the younger generations needed to test things out on their own, so they can, gain their own, unique, life experiences, or maybe, the younger generations’ taking the longer routes, taking too much time, but, they’d, gained the results, based off of their own, means.

The means of the older generations, their experiences, surely allowed for the techniques, as well as getting what needed to be done, quicker, and yet, the values of self-discovery, and changing ones’ ways that didn’t work the first time, that is, priceless, besides, the younger generations have the advantage of testing the waters, of adventure; the reactions my son showed, allowed me to understand, that as the children grow older, we need to let go of them, and respect them more on how they choose to, do things on their own.

And so, this just showed, how you should NEVER, impose your ways of doing things, no matter how much more efficient you believe it is onto someone else (i.e. your subordinates, your children, etc., etc., etc.), as everybody HAS her/his own way of working through things, and, who would want someone, to BREATH down her/his necks, when one is, working?  So, don’t be a pain, parents!

The High-Tech Devices Can’t Replace the Parenting Means of Parents

So, there goes, the “verifications” of that, electronic, babysitter, by the neurology professor, how early exposures to high-tech device is harmful to young babies’, minds, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

There’s, the over-abundance of high-tech devices in this country right now, the children would flip out without their, cell phones, there was the news of a ten-year-old young boy, whose father took away his cell phone, and he reacted by spraying his father’s eyes with alcohol, and there were those students, who’d played with their cell phones in class, that got their cell phones confiscated, and committed suicide.

The National Taiwan University of Education’s survey found, sixty-percent of infants as young as a year old are hooked on the cell phones, as high as ninety-percent of two-year-olds are using the cell phones.  Not to mention how the high-tech gadgets damage the eye sights (the toddlers eye balls are not yet fully developed, the exterior of the neural fibers, the myelin sheaths hadn’t covered the nerves completely yet), this had a higher correlation of causing ADHD.

The emotional development in young children is reliant on face-to-face interactions with real human beings, from the facial expressions, the tones of voice, and body languages, to learn to decipher the emotions through the feedback responses, while the electronic devices are one-way, it can’t achieve this necessity of development in children’s brains. H. Chagani of Michigan University’s medical school in the research of orphans brains from a Romanian Hospital treating orphans found, that the windows of emotions are shutting down the earliest, at around the age of five, and by this time, if emotional management hadn’t been achieved yet, then, it will, never happen.  The opposite of love is not hate, but, indifference, when the needs of the child gets ignored, it would severely impact her/his emotional development, and, an emotionally unstable person, no matter how highly intelligent, or how agile at work, nobody dares hire her/him.

I saw a baby in a stroller crying nonstop on the MRT, and her mother only kicked the stroller with her feet, with her eyes, glued on her, cell phone, didn’t even raise her brows to see what was going on with her own, young.  Later, a fellow passenger finally had it, bent over, picked up the pacifier that’s fallen from the infant’s mouth, and stuck it back in, then, the cries, stopped.  What’s more surprising was, that this mother, still didn’t raise her head, to see why her baby wasn’t, crying anymore.

what we’re, looking at, right, now…

photo from online

How vital are the immediate emotional responses from the parents?  If a mother is diagnosed with postpartum depression, treated her own young with the aloofness, ignored her/his emotional needs, although the infant is only twelve-months old, the neural connections in the baby’s emotional response area are already, abnormal.

The epigenetics research found, that our earliest experiences will get as deeply in as our DNA, to affect the activations or nonactiveness of certain, genes.  There was an experiment involving shocking baby mice of less than ten days old, at this time, when the mothers are close by, the baby mice’s brains do not secrete the stress hormones, because the hormones can, block the proper developments of the brains; but, if the mother rats were, removed, then, the baby rats’ stress hormones would immediately come out, with the “fight or flight” response, activated.  After ten days, the brains became, fully developed, and it would not matter if the mother rat was around or not, when the baby rats were electrocuted, they would secrete the stress hormones every single time they got, shocked.  The response from the parents is too vital in infancy, this is the source of that needed sense of, security.

Last year during the pandemic, the PM of Singapore, had the instructors teach the classes without their masks on, so the children can see the facial expressions.  The studies in Michigan University’s showed, that using the high-tech devices to calm the three to five year olds, although this showed as effective, but only temporarily, but in the long-term, it only causes the children to be even more difficult to, manage, and the tantrums would be way worse, because the high-tech devices had, replaced their means of, adjusting themselves in their own, emotions, an unused loop would, be used for an alternative, purpose then, and they wouldn’t know how to, manage their own, emotions as they get older.

and this too! Photo from online

The children needed to be taught, and we learned to manage our own selves, through being, managed by, others, when there’s no control from the outside, there cannot be the control on the inside that would get, formed.  The parents should not please the children, parents aren’t the children’s, friends, but their, role models.  The parents must earn the respects of their own, young, because, we don’t do what those whom we don’t respect, tell us to do.

Blocking the trends, we only get swallowed by the trends, the only way to tackle this, is by teaching the children to gain self-control, to have, the disciplines, as disciplines, are always, the keystone of, success.

And so, this is how high-tech gadgets can be, damaging to the minds of young children, and yet, we would much prefer, to park our children before a high-tech device (cell phone, iPad), my cousin’s son started tapping at any reflective surfaces that he see, and that was before he could walk without falling down, or talk, and that’s just, bad, because it’s, way easier, to park those tiny asses in front of a screen, so you parents can, run around, to get all those, errands, done, and you still don’t have ANY clue, that what you’re doing, is harmful to your own, children!

Fighting to Stay Awake, on Parent-Child Interactions

On the son’s, learning to manage his own time between the extracurricular activities and his, academia, translated…

“I dozed off in math class again!  What do I do………”, my son LINED me, with that, crying face.

This was about six months ago, when he was still in the community college level.  With the familiarizing of the school campus environment, his learning, he’d gone from his timidness in class to, after classes, going to the libraries to study by himself, to getting involved in the street dancing crew, rehearsed the dance moves until ten in the evening, by the time he’s done with everything in his dorm, and his assignments, it is usually past one.  He’d, not gotten enough sleep, draining his energies out, the mathematical equations, the basic principles of physics got turned into, that gentle sounding, lullaby, which was no surprise at all.

As I’d first learned, that my son had, stowed away in class for his appointment with the Sandman, having been through the tests, the trials of my schooling career, I’d, offered him some advice on how to stay awake; from chewing gun to liven up the neurons, using the mint oils to wake him up, the vitamin B, and as none worked, his classmate next to him can’t take it anymore, pulled out the 100% pure dark chocolates to share with him, hoping that the bitterness, and the caffeine can wake him up, so he won’t be, scapegoated by the professor.

illustration from UDN.com

And, the topics of discussion with my son went form combating the sleeping bugs to tactics to overcome them, other than the handful times he was successful, more of it was his sharing with me, his failed attempts, of how he’d, pinched his own thighs, to wake himself up from the pains, to how he’d, ended up, raising that white flag in, defeat, he’d, never, won, not even, once!

The result of his, repeated defeats, showed in the midterm exams.  The low score finally made him realized, his own, need for sleep, and he’d started, adjusting his, schedules on his own, to shorten the time of his dance rehearsals, and finally, he’d, stopped, going to meet up with the, Sandman in the lectures.

Recalling those days of how we’d, tried to, help him stay awake, I’d had the thoughts of telling him to “focus on the academics, and not on the extracurriculars.  But thankfully, I’d, swallowed these words down.  At age sixteen, for an adolescent, the very first step toward his, independence, is time-management, along with balancing his schoolwork, with his extracurricular activities.  No matter how much people say around him, nothing beats what he’d learned on his own, as he’d, stumbled and fallen, and hurt himself, then tried to, get back up again!  And, of course, we should NEVER, strip our own young of this, “trial-and-error”, just because we can see the difficulties they will be, faced, with.

And, because of how he’d ultimately learned to, adjust his own means, he was able to, be the “Adolescent that played with Fire” at the exhibition show, and, his final grades were all, passing.  As I’d talked with him on this before school began, he’d smiled and told me, “I’d not dozed off in class a long time already!”, and, he is about to, return back to campus, to show off all the cool dance moves he’d, developed during the winter vacation with his extracurricular group soon!

And so, this parent, instead of telling her son, that NO, you can’t go to dance practice, she’d allowed him to stumble on his own, so he can learn, to adjust his own schedules, to manage his own time better, which the son learned to, and, the mother didn’t need to worry about him not passing his classes again, because the son’s found a working method, to study and to dance.  This young man learned to manage his own time, and all the parent did was to, let him do it!

The Pandemic & Family Relations

Everything you were worried about before you left to visit your son, became, excessive, but hey, you are a parent, and, parents would always, worry about their own young, nonstop, right?  Yeah, that’s because you don’t realize, that fate will take care of everything in our, lives…translated…

Eight years ago, I’d decided to move back to Taiwan, to take care of my mother, as I’d decided to leave my only son in the U.S. to find employment, I’d worried, incessantly then.

Before leaving the U.S., we’d sold the house, left nothing for our son, hoping he could become independent on his own; but, after a few years or working in the food industries, he couldn’t even live out his dreams of having a food truck, he’d started, showing signs of, depression, refusing to get vaccinated.  At the time when the pandemic was most severe, I’d, flown to the U.S. to see him, to let him know, that mom’s care for him, had never been, gone.

From before, when I’d gone to visit him in the U.S., I’d stayed at friend’s houses, coming and going in a hurry, I’d not even seen where he was staying, and the meals we’d gone out for, lasted only, two, three short, hours; this time, he’d, invited me to stay with him, let up his own bedroom, and it’d, made me feel, pampered.  In the month and a half, I’d, made his meals every day, as a professional chef, he too, had, prepared for me, a few of his, agile dishes, especially the barbecue pork ribs that I’d, longed for so much.  The two of us both, treasured these moments we got to, sit down and eat together very much.

her son’s dreams…

that’s come, true! Photo from online

To save up the money, he’d originally wanted to stop the rents of the place he lives in, and start camping out in his own car, but after I’d, analyzed the means for him, after we’d, discussed the matter more, he’d not only decided to continue the rent, also, agreed to get vaccinated too; as for his dreams of purchasing a food truck to start his own business, I’d, searched with him, found a brand new, and reasonably priced food truck, now, he can finally, live his dreams, of working on a, food truck.

My son is an only child, and we are both working, he doesn’t have many friends.  Thankfully, his friend, Ken had asked him to move in as a roommate, to share the rent, they now have the company of one another.  I’d thanked Ken for looking out for my son personally, and, everything that’s worried me before I went to the U.S., all found their, resolves on their, own.

It took me a total of thirty-eight hours for the total flight, the transfer, to finally get back to Taiwan, and, after the fourteen days’ worth of quarantine in the hotels, and seven days’ worth health self-managing, I finally got to, sleep on my own, bed.  The pandemic had affected the whole world, and it’d, given me a whole month and a half with my son, and it’d, made us realized, how much we cared for one another.

So, this is on the good thing that came out of the pandemic, and, everything you were worried about, became, excess, because fate will take care of your own young, and, he’d found his “calling”, as a food truck owner, with a good friend of his.

Blessings

The love, care, and concern goes, both ways, when the parents showed that they cared for their young, their young will naturally, reciprocate too, translated…

The department I asked to get transferred to a little over six months ago, don’t know if it’s how I didn’t suck up, or that there’s that unmatched fengshui, a senior employee had zoomed in to me, and used an assortment of measures, to give me troubles, or used sarcasm and mockery, to give me a hard time, and it’d troubled me, because I’d always, kept my head low to work, did what’s, assigned to me.

Several times I’d gone back home, and as I’d sat after meal to talk with my parents, I’d told them the troubles the woman was giving me at work, and, I did this, so my parents wouldn’t have to worry over me, on how I was, adjusting to working in the, brand new, department.

And, this time as I’d gone home, my mother told me secretly, that at bedtime, when he and my mother prayed, they would both, asked Buddha to get the senior female employee off my back.  As I’d heard my mother told me, I’d half jokingly told, “the gods are so busy, how would they find mind for these, minor, matters of me!”, actually, I’d felt, wonderful, that they’d cared for me to do such a thing.

And, what I’d not said that I’d, kept hidden was, that if the wishes can come true, I hope, that my parents will forever stay as healthy as they are, after all, the flairs we get at work are only, temporary, only the health of my families are what’s, most, important, that, is what I, truly, wish, for.

And so this is on how the parents worried about their offspring, despite how they are already adults, and this woman, she felt her parents’ heart, and in turn, she’d hoped, that her parents will have good health, the love is, reciprocated here.

Sowing the Seeds of, Good Fortune

A cycle of offering help to those in need, of kindness, that’s begun in the, parents’ generations, and passed to the offspring’s, and it will, keep on, rolling, and the good things you do, will get, returned to you, in forms of something wonderful too, translated…

Marriage is, the start of, responsibilities, with the afterwards of mortgage, and my husband’s student loans, that almost, buried us both, but thankfully, we worked together, with the goal of love, making a home in mind, worked our hardest, to, reduce the debts to a, minimum, and our lives, slowly, turned, better.

Due to a chance encounter, the Buddhist master, Shin-Yun advocated the three-good movement, “a good heart, doing good deeds, saying good things”, and I’d started contemplating what sort of a good thing I can do, so it can benefit my own children?

illustration from UDN.com

Thought about how I’d, burned on both ends at work and at home, working during the days, and needing to watch my kids complete their assignments at night, I can’t, manage to volunteer too, and so, I’d decided to make the regular donations to the “Seedling Program”, donated twice per year, right before the semesters, begin, so the families that are stressed out over money can’t have the help they needed, to send their young to school.

And I’d, continued this donation means for a whole of over twenty years on end, using that heart of joy to help others, I deeply believed, that this can better the air at my own, home, and my children grew up, healthy, and happy.

As the kids started making their ways, I’d told them, “we’d donated on your behalf for over twenty years to date, you both have stable work now, you must use what you have, to help others, and the good luck, the blessings will all get, returned, back to, you too.”  After my son married, he’d started, donating on behalf of his two children too, to get this cycle of kindness, passed, to the, third, generation.

Once my daughter inquired curiously, “does it get us the good fortunes when we help others out?”, I’d told her, “without a doubt, certainly!  Think, you have stable work, is married to a husband who loves you, who cherishes you, no need to worry over your meals, if this is not good fortune, then, what is?”, she’d nodded in joy, “mom, you’re, absolutely, right!  Good fortunes is how we interpret it!”

My children bought their homes close by to us, and, when I bump into those whom I’m acquainted with, they all commented, “you’re so blessed, with children nearby, you can call them anytime, and they are there, quicker than the, delivery services; unlike us, with our young working out of the city, far, far away, hard for them to return home for a visit!”, yeah, in this day and age, it surely, is, difficult, for an extended family to get, set, up, this is from the good I’d done in a past life, and the good I’m doing in this life, I suppose, to allow our families to get along so very well, and in, harmony.

Sowing down these, seeds of, love, and we all take care of these seedlings, and, they’d, grown up strong, I’m certain, that we will, all be, very blessed in our, lives; and I hope, that you all don’t belittle the abilities of your own goodwill, have the willingness, to give to others, believing, that it is, better to give, than to, receive, we will all get, our separate, bliss that way.

And so, this is the cycle of goodness that got started with the parents’ generations, the woman started giving to the world around her, on behalf of her own young, hoping that it would, bless them, and the younger generations watched the parents give, and they also, learn to, give to the society as well, and that, is how the cycle of lending that helping hand, the cycle of kindness, keeps on, rolling, and, if you show kindness, then, kindness will be, returned, back to you too!

Matched for Their, Marriage

It is, fate, or, is it, manipulated, by man, or could it be, both???  Translated…

He took his daughter’s date of birth, name, to ask about her, marriage, rode his scooter, all the way, into, town.

The interpreter of the charts with the moustache pinched his fingers together, then, stated, firmly, that it’s a shame, that the day of the birth was the twenty-second, had it been the twenty-third, then, the marriage was destined to last long, and they will have everything.

His daughter who was not yet married, was the biggest worry that he has.  What he worried over, was that she’s, almost thirty, and still not yet, wed, and the neighbors started, gossiping, and, his daughter objected, and rejected the matchmaking; and, what he’d felt owing was, that he was insistent that she helped care for her younger siblings, and took her out of school, and now, regrets got him, nowhere, he can only try to find her a good husband to make it up to her.

This blind date, he’d put everything into, that finally got, set up.  The man wasn’t tall, but, looked, okay, has a good background, works in a public post; he’d contemplated, that looks don’t last forever, a good profession that’s what’s, important, besides, his daughter is, petite too, they looked, matching.

illustration from UDN.com

The day before the matchmaker was to come and get everything, he’d, tossed and, turned, with the “twenty-three” he’d written on the red paper, although, he’d not had any doubts as he’d written his daughter’s age, but, it was, a “lie”, is this right of him?  He’d tossed and turned, the clock struck midnight, sounded, especially, heavy which made his worries, exaggerated.  As the rooster crowed, he got up, and, felt firm: even if the heavens have me pay for it, so long as my daughter gets her blessed marriage.

He’d handed the envelope with his daughter’s date of birth to the matchmaker, and, everything, all the worries, all the owing, all, gone, away.  As the matchmaker left, the children were having a good time outside in the vacant lot, the laughter pierced through the clouds, the sun of the beginning of summer, warmed the land, his brows raised, expectant that he will be hosting a wedding for his own, daughter in the autumn.

After the matches, the matchmaker went back and forth, and set up the rituals, the rites, and, on a sunny autumn day, the two families became, connect4ed.  And, everything was like the schemata he viewed in his mind, the scenes flashed by, how could he not cry of, joy, thank the heavens.

Sunrise and sunset, the flowers won’t stop blooming and withering away, because of the weddings, and, in a blink of an eye, his daughter had been a wife for, over, thirty, years.  One day, his daughter’s youngest brother-in-law, was sorting through the, family tree, she’d accidentally found that the date were wrong, told, him that she was born on the twenty-second, and not the twenty-third, and, everybody didn’t press her any harder, all believed, that the man who’d copied the dates, copied it, wrong.  Yeah, from long ago already, who would remember, what that “date” read back then.  But, she’d, wondered, her father being, too careful a man, no chance he could’ve, written her date of birth wrong by, mistake, must be her in-laws’ families that had, written it, wrong.  As she’d gone home and mentioned this, as her mother told her exactly what had happened, tears fell, she’d felt bad, that her father who’d always done what was right, did this, for the sake of her, happiness.

what the Chinese people would do before marrying…the parents’ gone to get their offspring’s charts, matched…photo from online

Or maybe, it’s the fortune teller who’d told the fortunes, wrong, or maybe, it was her father’s love, that’s, changed what’s already been, destined, not only did her father live long and healthy, she—my cousin, and her husband, helped one another as they grew older, with children who were amazing in school, at work, the family is living well, they’re, happy and blissfully, married, they’re in their, eighties now.

And so, this, is still, fate, that this father’s love for his daughter, “changing” the outcomes of her, marriage, because of how superstitious the older generations are, and, this man wanted his baby girl to be married well, so, he’d, tweaked the hours of her birth, so it’d, matched to the chart reader’s means, and it was, meant to happen, as fate would, have it.

The Incentives from My Father

The meaning of why his father had, offered his class the rewards, finally became, clear as he’d, aged in the years, finally…translated…

My father was out of a job a year after he married my mother, and he’d had to move to Fengyuan from Taichung, opened up a wooden slipper shop next to his father-in-law’s home.  But, making the wooden slippers for others, it’d, damaged his, ego, soon enough, he’d closed that shop, and started operating a stationery shop.

The location of his shop was about two hundred meters from the local elementary school, with the customers being the school children.  It was 1958, I was entering the elementary years.  The night before school started, my father had sharpened three pencils, put them in a wooden pencil box for me, and the eraser, the rulers, etc., etc., etc., the following morn, bright and early, he’d taken me to school.

My father was educated using the Japanese military ways, he had an awful temper after he’d lost his job, and had often, beaten me.  As he saw my instructor, he’d told her to discipline me more, and mentioned that he’d owned a school supplies store, that she could get the students to shop there more.  And, he was willing to provide the rewards for the students who’d done well too, a pencil for a perfect score on the monthly scheduled exams.

Back then we had three subjects, Chinese, arithmetic, and general sciences, we got tested every single month.  There were many classmates who’d scored three hundred, and every one of them got three free pencils, and there were also the two subjects with the perfect scores and the one; and it’d cost my father too many, pencils, and after a few months, he’d started, feeling the strains, and so, he’d negotiated with my teacher, that if the students scored perfect score in all the three subjects, then he would give out a pencil, and an eraser each.

And certainly, there weren’t that many who did, not even, me, and my father was, disappointed.  Back then, there’d only been six, to seven classmates with the perfect scores.  And my father discussed it with my instructor, again, that the top ten high test scores get the prizes for the monthly exams.

illustration from UDN.com

Unfortunately, either it’s fate playing tricks on me, or that I’d, been too unstudious, to the point of subconsciously, not wanted those rewards, I’d fallen out of the top ten places.  And then, my father changed to the top fifteen, with the bigger prizes for those who’d made the higher in placements.

And, there was still, rarely any, chances of me, getting the rewards from him, let alone, getting the, highest, grade in class.

After elementary school, I’d gone to Taichung for middle school, my father no longer physically punished me, and the rewards, ended as well.

After dozens of years in the testing, scored the higher marks for the national’s government post exams, I’d become, a public servant, and stayed in the same unit for more than thirty years until I retired.  Although, I’d gained the accolades, but there wasn’t anything worth noting, and those rewards became, like the prizes in my elementary school career: unappeasing to me.

My father’s shop closed back in my university years, and he’d been gone for more than two decades now.  But every time I passed a stationery shop, I’d gotten reminded of how my father had, given the simple rewards to the students who’d done well academically.

And, many more years later, I’d, finally understood, reason why he, who’d always been strict, rarely smiled, providing the rewards to the class, was his only way of, encouraging me, of showing that he cared, it’s just, that I couldn’t understand it, he must’ve been, quite, disappointed in me when I was younger then?

Some things, it takes our lifetime, to finally understand, like this man’s story, he’d not realized the purpose of his father’s providing the gifts for the class, was to encourage him to do better in school, and he’d not wanted the items his father had in his shop anyway, so.

Sense & Sensibility

Not the book by Austen, the son who’s an, engineer, with a, more, poetic, artistic, expressive, mother, and the “sparks” from their, interactions…translated…

With the springtime drizzles, I’d taken advantage of the sunny weather, put out the thick quilts, spread them under the sun, so they can be, baptized by the rays of the sunshine.

this would be, what the son’s mind looked, like…illustration from online

In the evening, I’d, hauled the fluffy quilt that’s been “sunbathed” in, I’d opened my nostrils, and breathed in deeply, enjoyed that scent of the gone-away sunshine, and sighed, “so aromatic!”, at this time, my son, he’d, poured that bucket of cold water on me, “that was the barbecue smell of tens of millions of, dust mites, of course, they’re, so, freshly ‘cooked’………”, and, I’d felt, awkward in the moment then.

Certainly, he is, an engineer major all right, too factually oriented, but, completely, unromantic, can he, have more, sensibilities, in the midst of his, sense too!

and her’s, more like, this, more on the, creative, side…illustration from online

Yeah, that, is how things are, perceived and, experienced by the different kinds of minds, on the one hand, you’re more of a romantic thinker, using your senses to experience the world, while your son, he’s, more of a, realist, using rationalism as his guide, everything is, scientific, and needed to be, factually based, and so, naturally, the two of you, won’t see, eye-to-eye as often as you wished.