Category Archives: Marriages

The Paradox of Alimony for Men, by Louise Rafkin

On the matter of alimony, and who should be paying for it!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

When it comes to alimony, the law is blind to gender.  “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, that’s how family law works,” said Laura Wasser, the California lawyer representing singer Kelly Clarkson in her high-profile divorce.

Even though the Supreme Court ruled that alimony is gender neutral in 1979, Wasser said that women have still been surprised to find themselves doling out spousal support.  “What amazes me is that many bright and sophisticated women don’t realize they will have to pay,” said Wasser, declining to comment directly in Clarkson’s case.

Clarkson and Brandon Blackstock, an entertainment agent, split in 2020 after seven years of marriage.  Despite a prenuptial agreement recently upheld in a Los Angeles court, Blackstock has been awarded temporary monthly spousal support of nearly $150,000, half of his initial ask.

In addition to the monthly spousal support paid by Clarkson, Blackstock also receive child support of around $45,000 per month, despite Clarkson having been awarded primary physical custody of their two children.

This might seem like a lot, but according to documents filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, Clarkson’s monthly income is $1.9 million.  She follows in the wake of other female stars whose settlements were way steeper.  Madonna, Elizabeth Taylor, Rosanne Barr, Kirstie Alley and Janet Jackson have all paid hugely in their divorces.

Public response to the breakup has not been favorable to Blackstock who on Twitter, has been called out as a “parasite”, and “an opportunist,” among other unprintable names.

Part of the shock over such settlements, according to Alexandra Killewald, a sociology professor at Harvard who studies the effects of unequal earning on relationships, may be influenced by preconceived notions about gender.  “Our culture expects men to be the primary breadwinners and there are simply more options for women for part-time work or to take time for child rearing,”  Killewald said.

Another reason that men being awarded alimony can come as a surprise is because it doesn’t happen that often.

According to a 2019 study of census data by the Urban Institute, a nonprofit research group, half of United States households are headed by women, on average.  Despite an increase in stay-at-home husbands, far more women than men seek and receive spousal support.

So, this is a debate on WHO should pay for spousal support, and, like in Clarkson’s case, the prenup worked in favor of the man, and, the primary thing at work is still greedy, because the man or woman you’re getting a divorce from, is very rich, look at how much s/he is making, I might as well, get more $$$$s from the divorce, that, is why these cases are, occurring, and, prenup is, ineffective here, because, the other party can also, have it, overturned in court, the one caring for the children SHOULD be the one receiving the spousal support, and, if you have two kids, and you each takes one, then, the two of you should pay for the education costs, of that kid that’s not living with you, as everything should and ought to be, split down the middle, evenly, in these nasty battles of divorce.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Broken Promises, Cost of Living, Divorces, Life, Marriages, Perspectives, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

When You Get Depressed…

Hey, don’t drag ME down with ya!  I just, climbed out, of that HOLE, not long ago, and yet, it’s, your, turn…

When you get depressed, my skies, stays dark, with the shadows, and the thunder clouds, rolling in the distances, coming, near, near, and nearer, threatening that huge storm.

When you get depressed, get your self out, I don’t CARE what you need to do, see that therapist, pop a ton of pills, eletroconvulsive therapy even, just, get it, F-I-X-E-D already!

like this…

查看來源圖片
photo from online

When you get depressed, it affects me too, because I’m, your wife (yeah, uh and you wish!!!), and, being, an emotionally-connected couple, we feel, EVERYTHING that one another’s, going through (and I still wonder, WHY can’t you go through MY labor pains for me here!!!).  When you get depressed, I knew better than to get in your way, I’d, ducked for cover, hide, underneath, anything I can find, and, keep my fingers crossed that it’s (whatever I’m hiding under???) sturdy enough, that my protective covers, don’t get, blown…………………

And yet, I still, get, H-I-T, by your thunder, lightning, and everything that, hurts!

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Filed under Connections, Enmeshment, Life, Marriages, Mental Health Issues, Perspectives, Properties of Life

After a Woman Gives Birth, She was in a Vegetative State, the Husband Filed for Divorce, and the Courts Allowed for it at the First Retrial

What happens to in sickness and in health, ‘til death again???  Oh yeah, that does, NOT, exist!!!  Off of the Newspapers, translated…

A man in Taichung, Lo married the woman, Lin nine years ago, after Lin gave birth, she had an embolism in her amniotic sac, causing her heart and lung failures, became a vegetable, and, after many years’ worth of treatment, she’d still, not waken up, and Lo filed for divorce because of it, the first and second trial, tossed back Lo’s request of divorce, because Lin’s falling into a vegetative state wasn’t her fault, Lo fought for the appeal, and the retrial from the first found, that there’s no knowing if Lin will ever, regain consciousness, that this is a case of “can’t fulfilling the duties of marriage”, and, permitted him to divorce her.

Lo claimed, that he and Lin were wed in August of 2012, and in October of same year, Lin had a caesarian birth of an infant daughter (died on October 25th), back then, due to anoxia caused by her birth, Lin fell into a vegetative state, and after the years’ worth of treatment procedures, she’d still, not waken up, and for the two years, they were only married in name, but not in form, he’d wanted a divorce from her.

Lin’s families told, that reason why Lin became a vegetable was caused by the embolism of her amniotic fluid during the birthing process, that this was a tragedy for both the husband and the wife, that the responsibilities should NOT be only on one party.

In the first retrial, the judge believed, that Lin had been in a vegetative state for nine years, that anyone would lose the desires to maintain a marriage like so, that legally, this constitutes as “a marriage that can’t be, maintained”, and the judge found the man’s claims of wanting divorce valid, the case can still be appealed.

And so, this still just showed, how COLD you losers CAN be, you’re still using us as, baby machines, and once we’d become unproductive like this woman became, fallen into a vegetative state due to the embolism in her amniotic sac, you want to divorce us, and that, is just how cold the world CAN be, because, nothing IS set, and you can’t count on your partners to stay by your sides, when things like this happens to you.

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Filed under Life, Marriages, Messed Up Values, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Values

Rushing to the Anniversary Supper Date at a Michelin Restaurant

As usual, it’s, Mr. I’m still, arriving LATE, with is wife, Mrs. Yo-I’m starving here!  That totally, unforgettable, anniversary dinner, that you had to, starve yourself for, it’s still, memorable, nonetheless though, isn’t it???  Translated…

On a stormy afternoon before the outbreaks, my husband was driving, we sat in traffic, waiting, anxiously, to get to, that banquet.

Surely, it was, a mostly exciting banquet that I’d, stayed awake through the nights by the computer, from midnight to one in the morn, with my credit card in hand, keyed in the digits, fast as I possibly could, keyed in, a ton of, information that were, required of me, to finally book!

This restaurant was picked, as one of five in the top fifty Michelin restaurant in Asia, with one star, and, I got the rush supper hours of seven at night, to celebrate our, thirty-first anniversary.

something like this, was what she was, expecting…

查看來源圖片
photo from online

Thirty-first?  It doesn’t sound like a number worth, mentioning, yeah, only because, that was, from the year before, on our, pearl anniversary, which my husband should’ve, made a super huge deal, but didn’t, as he usually did, rushed off to work, and, got home weakened, and sat at the supper tables, as I’d, made the meals for him.  But, I’d kept, hoping, expecting him to do something special, to invite me out, or even, a bouquet would’ve been nice, and even, just, blurted out those “three little words” would suffice, but in the end, my expectation, fell short, could it be, that he’d, treated me, like a, yellow faced, hag now?  I’d left my home in anger, for————half a kilometer, to WALK it off!  And so naturally, this year, I demanded, a huge makeup for the last year!

As he was finally through with work in the office, close to six o’clock, he’d finally returned, to lift me to the restaurant, being type A, I’d known, that we were, going to be late.  On the way there, my husband became, a bit, flustered, told me, “I’m so sorry, that we have to, rush to, this, dinner date of, ours!”  “oh, don’t worry, drive safe and slower, it’s just, a meal”, I’d, acted, relaxed, and, pressed down on that fire within my chest that was, about to, blow, turned my face outside the window, and started nagging inside, “you’re ALWAYS doing this, when will you set your time in synchrony with my clock, I HATE getting, rushed, don’t know how many cells had died because of this!”

The clock showed seven now, and we’re, still, STUCK in the traffic on the streets of Taipei, and, I’m more than certain, that by the time we get to the restaurant, it’ll, be, the off-hours then.  My husband suddenly turned the steering wheel sharp, my heart twinged, and I’d told him gently, “hey, it’s okay, at most, we just, cancel this dinner date, and go for something else!”, what else, can we, do?

Passing through the larger boulevards, we’d, turned into, the smaller, alleys, there’s, no sign of the shop, it looked like that shop I saw online, I’d, gotten out of his car, rushed inside, “welcome!”, oh, this is it, the crowds were at it, the food served, and the waiter led me to the seating, I became, ill-at-ease, waited for my husband who’s, still, parking the car.

and yet, this was, what she, got…

查看來源圖片
are you, FREAKING, kidding me here!!! Photo from online

At after eight, he’d, finally, rushed in, washed his hands, settled himself down, ordered a bottle of sparkling water, lifted up the glass, toasted me, “Happy Anniversary!”, and, down that glass in one gulp, get on with the food orders already, we’re, starving, because for this meal, I’d, skipped, lunch too on the day!

Yeah, and so, that still, takes AWAY, from the romance that should’ve happened, on your wedding anniversary, doesn’t it?  I mean, anniversaries should be (and then again, what would I know here???) roses, champagne, balloons, and a huge celebration, and instead, you had to, rush, because your husband couldn’t get ahead of the time, and that’s, just his “style”, and, it’d, totally, destroyed the mood that you carried, for that special dinner date at the star Michelin restaurant here with your husband.

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Filed under Family Matters, Life, Marriages, Perspectives, Properties of Life

The Emotional Support Offered to One Another Even Though We’re Separated by the Distances

How this man offered the emotionally support his own wife needed, being far apart from her physically, by being there, letting her know, that he’s, with her, not physically, of course, the importance of emotionally supporting one another in the marriage here, translated…

On May 19th, the entire country of Taiwan had been under level three alert, with all the intercities, intercounties interactions, almost completely, halted, not talking about international relations, the south and north of Taiwan are, separated from each other, and, a lot of the families, the husbands and wives became, separated, and, you see these articles complaining about the matters.

Recalling how last year in January, it was the turning point of the outbreaks in Southeast Asia, and, the door to the country shut down, this wasn’t, in the expectations of how my husband and I managed our relationships from Taiwan to Japan.  At first, we’d thought, that we will get to see one another in three months, and that hope kept, getting busted, and the disappointments came, repeatedly.  With the trends of the world, shutting down, we both realized, that this wasn’t, just for the time being, that it’s, going to last, for a whole, year.

I’d found, that under these circumstances, I’d had to, drop that feeling of unease first, first, to trust, that “my partner will take good care of himself.”

At this time last year, Taiwan is still, highly guarded, and we’re, still in prime conditions, yet, we are still all, on heightened, alert; looking at Japan, the numbers rose fast, but, the tenseness in the air where my husband is isn’t as heightened.  Other than feeling panic on my end here, there’s, nothing I can do, other than imagining something may have happened with him there, getting myself crazy.

Back then, we’d, spent some time, discussing how we are to, defend ourselves against the outbreaks daily; in the exchanges, he was clearly, more, rational than I was, more thorough and careful too.  Yeah!  I’d forgotten, that he was, careful in nature, that rather than worrying my own head off, I’d selected to, trust him completely, and just, given him the reminders to watch himself every now and then.

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just being here for her, not trying to SNAP her out of it! Photo from online

“Believing that our significant other will look after her/himself well”, it’s a sense of trust.  Setting up this trust, then, we’ll be able to, find back that loss sense of security we’d lost in this, mutated, reality.

After this whole year, I’d gained an interesting, understanding: originally I’d thought, that the distance between us will keep us apart, but in actuality, “feeling together”, it’s more powerful, than we both had, imagined.

One day, I’d, suffered a minor defeat from work, I’d sent him the message, hoping he could stay with me the entire evening.  I’d called him, and started crying, but couldn’t, voice out what made me upset, just kept repeating to him, “I’m really upset”.  Had it been him in the past, as he couldn’t know what was going on with me, he would’ve, lost his, temper already.  But on that evening, he’d told me, “okay, I’ll, stay with you.”, then, started, quietly, going about his own business on his end.

I’d cried a while, and still couldn’t say a word out, picked up a novel to read; a few pages in, I’d started, crying again, repeated, “I’m, upset!”.  And every time I’d stated it, he’d repeated, “okay, I’m here for you!”  and like that, we’d gone on and off, on and off, the entire, night, I’d, turned the final page of my novel, and finally, I’d, felt, a bit, better, then, I’d, started telling me, what made me upset.

That was, one comforting, evening.

It didn’t matter now, what was upsetting me then, what’s important was, on that very evening, I’d noted, how in this brand new state of living separately with him, we’d learned of the ability to “embrace” one another.

This embrace, it wasn’t the bodily contact, and yet, with the long-distance between us, it was still, quite, powerful just the same.

And so, this, is on the emotional support in a marriage for one another, and, there are these, circumstances beyond our controls, that are, keeping us apart physically, but, if we’re there for one another emotionally, willing to lend an ear to each other’s troubles, then, we will, always be, intimately connected to and with each other.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Life, Marriages, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

The Supper He Made

So glad that it’s NOT my day to cook today!!!  Translated…

Looking at the table’s worth of food he’d prepared, I was, moved, became, dumbfounded!  The steamed crab, the pepper shrimps, the pan-seared tofu, the ginseng black-boned chicken…………all of which are, my favorites.

But three months ago before, from when my husband started, cooking the suppers on the weekends, it wasn’t, that wonderful scent of food that made my mouth watered that came out of the kitchen, and, what he’d made then, tasted, exactly like what I would take out to throw as trash, what’s worse was, he would NOT allow anybody, to criticize his, cooking skills.

To fight to my right to NOT cook on the weekends, I’d fought with him, for almost five years, him being, too macho, and no matter what, he just couldn’t accept the fact, that I do NOT want to cook on the weekends.  Back then he’d stated it too clearly, that we can go out to eat every now and then, but not every weekend.

Being raised by the feminist era, I naturally could NOT accept the time that women are allowed to have off from being a wife and/or a mother.  Taking care of the family during the week, I know I’m reasonable, for NOT wanting to make the meals on the weekends.  Should the mothers shoulder everything?

圖/Dofa
illustration from UDN.com

And, we’d disagreed, more and more, and the meals on the weekends became, a war zone, the stresses was, building, I just, wanted to, get away from the warzone, and every time weekend rolled around, I’d, wanted to, not go home for supper, and not wanted my own families to worry, in the end, I can only, wander alone on the streets.  Then, my husband got into a silent treatment war, and I felt, defeated, over my own marriage.

One day, at supper, my child asked me abruptly, what his grandma liked to eat from what I cooked?  I was stumped, then, said, “tell the truth, I’d never cooked anything for your grandmother ever!”

My child was surprised, “What?  Grandma had never had anything you cooked?”

My husband who was already finished, looked at me instantly, then, lowered his head back to his cell phone.

I told my son, “before I wed, I was my mother’s baby girl, she’d never made me cook, told me that cooking was hard and hot, and even as we go home to visit her, she still wouldn’t allow me to cook.”

“So, is that why you cook so much right now, because you love it?”, he continued asking.  “I don’t like to cook, actually, I HATE it!”

“Then why are you cooking every day?”, my son actually hoped that he could have burgers every day.

“because nobody will cook for me, because I need to watch out for your health!  That’s why I’d, grit my teeth, and no matter how I hated it, I still, cooked every single day!”

his turn to cook!

photo from online

At this time, my husband’s cell phone had, turned black and he’d, failed to notice, because he was too focused, “eavesdropping” on my son and I.  And, this conversation may have, touched some part of him, and, he’d, turned that into the table’s worth of meal three months later, on this, very day.

And so, all it took, was for you, to LET your husband KNOW, that you got tired of having to make every single meal, but, he’d not understood, because you NEVER told him verbally, because you probably thought, that he should, already KNOW it, but he didn’t, NOT until he’d eavesdropped into that conversation you had with your son.

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Filed under Awareness, Choices, Gender Roles, Life, Marriages, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Why Had She, Married Me

I wonder, W-H-Y, is that, huh???  Translated…

MERS-CoV had, affected my moods.  But actually, it doesn’t matter where we all go on our family vacation, it’s dangerous all around.  Just like, for my dearly beloved wife and I, being married over twenty years, still very much in love, and this trip to Japan, we’d had, our equal shares of fights with each other.  We’d argued on the bigger matters of, should we wear those masks or not.  Which way to go, what to have for our suppers, just not that, it’s too pricey, and, as she’d gone into the shops, she’d always stated, “I’ll only be a minute!”

And, “how many articles of clothing we should bring for the kids?” this long debated over topic for instance.  My “he’s dressed too warm already, he’s turning eighteen soon”, and I still couldn’t win from, “Then, if he gets a fever and it’ll be your fault if we aren’t allowed on the flights tomorrow then!”  and I can, only use the advantage of how later on that day, as my wife shopped around, sweating all over, as if there are, nine suns shining inside the malls, asking my son in front of her, “Are you, cold?”, this sort of, a prickly language.  And my youngest was compliant, stated, “wow, you’re right dad, it’s, super, duper cold!”, and, his mother rolled her eyes, all the way around her head several times.

There are, still a ton of, repeated events, that occurred, outside of or within, our, awareness.  Like the heating packs.  I’d later discovered, that my child’s mother, took the ten packs that she went to Hokkaido with, when it wasn’t, that cold, packed it all back in, to the luggage to Kyoto again.  She’d, brought it along, like, a security blanket, whether it’s, actually, cold or not.

Just like, how we’d wanted something brand new on these trips, we’d wanted to, connected these streets and shops inside of, our memories, and finally, we’d, trekked through all the specialty stores of Kyoto in, three years, then, at four, we’d, bumped into a shop that’s, about to close for the day, to finally, sit ourselves down, for lunch.  As I sorted through the menu, ordered the foods, I feel my legs’ numbness, go all the way, into my brains.  My youngest son stated, “Mommy, you look like you’re, about, to cry from walking so long.’, a joke or sorts, and, it’d, accidentally, twisted open ALL the faucets available there in Kyoto.  His mother’s tears came overflowing outward.  And, my youngest and I stared at each other, felt like, it must’ve been, something that each other had done, to cause, all of this.

“Before the temple awhile ago, at Kiyomizu Buddhist Temple, I’d called out to you both, to take those masks off for the pictures,” she’d, sniffled and continued, “and, I’d called you two as our two sons…………”, then, she’d, finally, melted down.  Yeah, surely, this was, the very first trip we’d, taken, without, our, eldest son.

Just like, we needed a place to travel to, to help everybody get past something, through that long underpass shopping strip, to the train station in Osaka, we’d bumped into a kind girl, who’d, helped me wife load up on her bus pass.  As we’d found that the young woman was, also from Taiwan, my dearly beloved wife started, casting aside all of our, itineraries, and started that conversation with that young lady, and found she was here, for a work-vacation.  Then, she’d started, showing her cares and concerns of how the young woman’s mask wasn’t, thick enough, like it was, lined with, only, a thin piece of, gauze or something.  The young woman told her that she’d run all over the pharmacies, but, all the masks were, out.  Then, my dearly beloved wife suddenly, pulled out the medical-grade mask she’d prepared for this trip, a pack of FIVE!, placed it in the young woman’s hand.  After pushing it back repeatedly, this young woman finally, took it, this gift that’s, not bought or sold, along with the kindness, from a complete, stranger.

This made my goosebumps surfaced, and I’d, felt, mildly, proud of my wife too.  She’s, quite compassionate.  Just like, my losers friend told me, that’s why, she’d, married me.

And all of that led to your, final conclusion of, “that’s why she’d, married you!”, it’s because of how kind, how sympathetic, how empathetic your wife is in nature, that she’d, married you, and, you should be, blessed, to find a wife who’s, kindhearted like that too!

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Filed under Awareness, Because of Love, Expectations, Life, Marriages, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Romance, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Values

Seeing You Off

The final passage, remembering the woman whom you’d come to know, as your, mother-in-law, from your father-in-law’s second marriage, translated…

Sitting silent, in the back of the church, on the wooden bench, stared at the white coffin, paved with flowers in the shrine, hearing the pastor slowly, told of your, eighty-two years of colorful life; as the pastor described you as being straightforward, generous, it’d, made me cry, and I’d, lifted up my head and smiled, started recalling the thirteen years of friendships we’d, come to share in life.

It was a snowy day in April in Norway, my husband who’d, planned to be single for the res of his life, drove me in his car, and, came to your door, my father-in-law, and his second wife, you, immediately led us in, and, in a panic, started, preparing the snacks, the coffees to serve to me, an unwelcomed guest.  Back then I wasn’t, fluent in Norwegian, I’d spoken in fluent German with my father-in-law, and, it’d, made you, who lived in the U.S. for over a decade object, that you had difficulties understanding us, and, we’d, realized that we had, excluded you, and immediately, we’d, both started switching to talking in English then.

On Christmas Eve that first year of our marriage, you’d, burst the hopes of your three daughters, sons-in-law, and nine grandchildren’s dreams of family union, you’d come to our home, and, baked for us, the traditional Norwegian pork ribs, meat balls, and sausages, and prepared seven types of pastries.  And, as lucky as I in the first time, I’d, scooped up, the only almond, hidden inside the rice pudding, and received, that special award for piggy almond candy.  Underneath the Christmas tree with the Norwegian flag, were the gifts, stacked up, you, my father-in-law, my husband and I, the four of us, sat around the tree, and started, tearing open the presents, the excitement, the joys, it’d, filled up the house.

The summer that my mother, second aunt, and nephew visited Norway, you’d not just, invited them, you’d also, found your youngest who’s my age, along with your young granddaughter, who’s around the same age as my nephew as company, you’d, set up a wooden board in your yard, with the balloons, and started, shooting the darts.  And even though, it’d rained that day, we’d, still, had a ton of fun; to this very day, my mother still talked of the cherries, the raspberries, and currants you grew in your own yard.

On your seventy-fifth, because your body was, ailing, you’d, delayed your birthday celebration in May, but you’d, not told us flat out, only asked, if we’re available to show up in June.  And, as my husband and I arrived, I’d found, that it was, a family birthday celebration your daughter, son-in-law, and grandson had set up for you; we’d, not brought anything, and we were, embarrassed, but you’d laughed and told, that it was because you didn’t want any presents, that was why, you’d, not told us it was to celebrate your birthday.

illustration from UDN.com圖/錢錢

2017 was, especially cruel to you.  First, your best friend who lived in the U.S. died in the spring at the age of over ninety, several months later, it was, my father-in-law, the second love of your life, passed away, in the autumn.  On the evening my father-in-law passed, you, me, and my husband, the three of us, stayed close by his side, until he’d, swallowed his, last breath.  You’d, dragged your, deteriorated health, your, slow steps home; the following day, we took you to the funeral home, to set up my father-in-law’s final affairs, you’d spoken of how you’d, not slept through the night, that you’d, paced around in the living room; even as your kids and grandkids were there, to accompany you, it still, didn’t, take away from your losing your husband.

Within two years after my father-in-law’s funeral, I sat here, in this, same church, heard the same pastor, hosting your funeral.  This pastor was the one who’d, conducted the wedding ceremony of you and my father-in-law thirty years back, he’d retired since, but, two years ago, he’d, made an exception for my father-in-law, spoken on his funeral, and this time, for you too.  You marrying my father-in-law, had once cast a huge shadow for my husband’s not introducing me to his own mother, but, for the eighteen years, the three of you had, died, and all the displeases of the past are now, gone, with the wind.  I’d heard of the news of your death as I’d returned from Egypt, I’d, come, to see you off, I’m so grateful for your kindness toward me, even more grateful, that you were, a “stand-in mother-in-law” to me, giving my families and I, such, wonderful, memories.

And so, this, is on how strong the connections of strangers who became, families are, and this still just showed, how if you’re kind to your daughters or sons-in-law, they will, reciprocate, and love you like you were, their own, parents too.  This is quite rare, to see a stepmother-in-law and a daughter-in-law get along so very well together.

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Filed under Connections, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Friendships, Lessons, Letting Go, Marriages, Memories Shared, Observations, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Story-Telling, the Finality of Life, Values

Changing a Thought, Your World Opens Right Up

Found something that kept her calm, through her husband’s temporary “fix”, translated…

As I accompanied my child to off the island to school, other than helping him settle in, I’d also taken the opportunity, to visit locally, and enjoy this little peaceful time I have. In the embrace of Mother Nature, having been stressed out too long in the nitty-gritties of the day-to-day, I’d, broken free, like a bird from a cage, I’d felt, so very free.

After a few days, although I’m now, recharged spiritually, but my body was having the fatigues from the travels. There’s a saying, “There’s NO place like home”, it’s, so very, true, as I’d reached out, and touched the doorknob of my own house, I’d finally felt, that I can, finally rest easy. But, as I’d, pushed open the doors, my steps, as well as my smiles, froze solid, and, the luggage I had in my other hand fell.

The lanai in front was a huge mess, and, the table and chair where I usually sat leisurely to read, was pushed to the side, the cardboard boxes, the plastic baskets, everywhere, the originally cleaned tile flooring, covered in muddy footprints. There’s, that awful feeling from the pit of my stomach, I’d trembled, as I’d, turned on the lights, I’d, stood there, with my jaws, dropped, in shock, couldn’t make a single sound.

Looking around me, there was, a huge pile of dirt the size of a small mount, and the bamboo had, grown taller than I am, blocking the screen doors; the other bamboos, grown too large out of proportions; and, the gardenia with the branches like the antlers of deer, lying to the side. The piles of fertilized soils, the granite pieces, all, scattered, across the ground…………it’d, looked like, a BOMB had been, dropped here.

About a week ago, my husband looked around on the lanai, and, he’d, measured the space, with his calculating gazes, I’d caught a glance, at his usual act, I’d called out, “oh no!” to myself, I’d, rushed up to him, to ask him what was up. Just as I’d suspected, he’d started, getting so enthusiastic, describing what his plans were, of having a small garden on our lanai, and, I’d, rained down on his parade, “Please, stop your delusions, you just wanted to be the frontiersman, and I’d needed to, clean up after you, like from before when we kept the birds, and the dogs too…………”

He knew he wasn’t going to win the arguments, he’d, fallen silent, and not mentioned it again, I mistakenly thought, that he’d, stopped pondering about it, without knowing, that this, was, only the calm before the storms.

That very night, one of us carried the sour face, the other, scrubbed up the mats, and there’s, this awful tropical depression visiting our home, followed by the days of silent treatments, the air, froze up.

like this???  Not my photograph…查看來源圖片

Every day I’d waken up, pulled back the drapes, and, I was, face-to-face, with this withered garden, it was, truly, depressing. And, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, rolled up my sleeves, tidied it up out there.

I’d first, trimmed the branches off the bamboos, remove the stems of the dying bamboo, the yellowed leaves as well, them, made the space, for the gardenias. After half a day of sweating it all way, I’d, gotten rid of my displease. And, I’d, taken a look at the scene, and, it was, breathable, and finally, I’d, rid myself, of the dark clouds that loomed over me these past couple of days.

More importantly, I’d put the fruit trees I’d especially loved which I’d planted inside a pot from before into the ground. And, in this garden which I’d once fought not to have, I’d, placed in some of my most cherished plants. Because, knowing my husband, my husband, who only has very short attention span, will soon forget the existence of this garden, and, I will be, the faithful gardener, who will always be looking after this small patch of my own dreams.

So, this, is how this woman changed her mind, to pull herself out of that tropical depression that she’d been in because of her husband’s temporary fix of having a small garden on their lanai, and this still showed, just how powerful the thought is, change a thought, your world lights up!

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Filed under Expectations, Family Dynamics, Hobbies/Pasttimes, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Translated Work

Using Religion as an Excuse, Pulled His Wife Along, with His Arms Around His “Spare”, They’d Gone on a Trip Together

This man has the BALLS, I’ll give you that!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Lu had an affair, he’d even set up so that his wife, and his spare, Hsu and he went together, on a worshipping trip; he’d lied to his wife, that Hsu was a coworker, and lied to Hsu about how his wife was his ex-wife, and, he was able to, get away.  Later on, Lu started becoming suspicious, and, his wife checked his cell, and found, that her husband was having an ongoing affair, and the other woman was pregnant, she sued her husband and Hsu for adultery.

As the Taipei District Attorney’s Office was investigating the details of the cases, Lu paid his wife, and she’d dropped the case against him, and, Hsu was found, to not known about Lu was already married, and yesterday, both of them got the charges dropped against them.

Lu who works in the transportation industry has a son with his wife, during 2013, he’d met Hsu, who was two years older than he, they became a couple; because of Lu’s job, he’d often taken Hsu out on trips, and, because they are both very religious, they’d gone to the temples.

At the start of last year, Lu took his wife and Hsu on a worshipping group trip, Lu lied to his wife about Hsu being his coworker, and his wife believed him, but, after that trip the three of them took together, Lu had found an assortment of excuses, to go to work early and to come home late, his wife realized that something wasn’t quite right, started zooming in on her husband’s whereabouts.

Last August, Lu’s wife snuck into her husband’s text message to his own mother, and it was about how he admitted to having a “spare wheel”, and she’d found another text of Hsu’s words of anger to her husband after they had a fight, it’d mentioned, “These two children are my pains forever, you wouldn’t know”, that, was when Lu’s wife realized, that the “coworker” her husband talks about was actually his whore.

As the D.A. prosecuted the case, Hsu admitted to having sex with Lu, but claimed that she didn’t know he was already married; Lu also told, that he didn’t tell Hsu that he was already married, and so, the D.A. believed, that there was no proof, of Hsu knowing, that Lu was already married.

Yeah, uh, you’ve GOT to be shitting me, right?  What the F***?  And this man still hid behind the BIG shield called “religion”, wow!  And, this still just shows, how BAD they can behave, IF we don’t keep them in check!

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Bad Behaviors, Betrayals, Cost of Living, Excuses, Extramarital Affairs, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Issues of the Society, Marriages, Messed Up Values, News Stories, Punishment Doesn't Fit the Crime, Rationalization, Social Issues