Category Archives: Marriages

Seeing You Off

The final passage, remembering the woman whom you’d come to know, as your, mother-in-law, from your father-in-law’s second marriage, translated…

Sitting silent, in the back of the church, on the wooden bench, stared at the white coffin, paved with flowers in the shrine, hearing the pastor slowly, told of your, eighty-two years of colorful life; as the pastor described you as being straightforward, generous, it’d, made me cry, and I’d, lifted up my head and smiled, started recalling the thirteen years of friendships we’d, come to share in life.

It was a snowy day in April in Norway, my husband who’d, planned to be single for the res of his life, drove me in his car, and, came to your door, my father-in-law, and his second wife, you, immediately led us in, and, in a panic, started, preparing the snacks, the coffees to serve to me, an unwelcomed guest.  Back then I wasn’t, fluent in Norwegian, I’d spoken in fluent German with my father-in-law, and, it’d, made you, who lived in the U.S. for over a decade object, that you had difficulties understanding us, and, we’d, realized that we had, excluded you, and immediately, we’d, both started switching to talking in English then.

On Christmas Eve that first year of our marriage, you’d, burst the hopes of your three daughters, sons-in-law, and nine grandchildren’s dreams of family union, you’d come to our home, and, baked for us, the traditional Norwegian pork ribs, meat balls, and sausages, and prepared seven types of pastries.  And, as lucky as I in the first time, I’d, scooped up, the only almond, hidden inside the rice pudding, and received, that special award for piggy almond candy.  Underneath the Christmas tree with the Norwegian flag, were the gifts, stacked up, you, my father-in-law, my husband and I, the four of us, sat around the tree, and started, tearing open the presents, the excitement, the joys, it’d, filled up the house.

The summer that my mother, second aunt, and nephew visited Norway, you’d not just, invited them, you’d also, found your youngest who’s my age, along with your young granddaughter, who’s around the same age as my nephew as company, you’d, set up a wooden board in your yard, with the balloons, and started, shooting the darts.  And even though, it’d rained that day, we’d, still, had a ton of fun; to this very day, my mother still talked of the cherries, the raspberries, and currants you grew in your own yard.

On your seventy-fifth, because your body was, ailing, you’d, delayed your birthday celebration in May, but you’d, not told us flat out, only asked, if we’re available to show up in June.  And, as my husband and I arrived, I’d found, that it was, a family birthday celebration your daughter, son-in-law, and grandson had set up for you; we’d, not brought anything, and we were, embarrassed, but you’d laughed and told, that it was because you didn’t want any presents, that was why, you’d, not told us it was to celebrate your birthday.

illustration from UDN.com圖/錢錢

2017 was, especially cruel to you.  First, your best friend who lived in the U.S. died in the spring at the age of over ninety, several months later, it was, my father-in-law, the second love of your life, passed away, in the autumn.  On the evening my father-in-law passed, you, me, and my husband, the three of us, stayed close by his side, until he’d, swallowed his, last breath.  You’d, dragged your, deteriorated health, your, slow steps home; the following day, we took you to the funeral home, to set up my father-in-law’s final affairs, you’d spoken of how you’d, not slept through the night, that you’d, paced around in the living room; even as your kids and grandkids were there, to accompany you, it still, didn’t, take away from your losing your husband.

Within two years after my father-in-law’s funeral, I sat here, in this, same church, heard the same pastor, hosting your funeral.  This pastor was the one who’d, conducted the wedding ceremony of you and my father-in-law thirty years back, he’d retired since, but, two years ago, he’d, made an exception for my father-in-law, spoken on his funeral, and this time, for you too.  You marrying my father-in-law, had once cast a huge shadow for my husband’s not introducing me to his own mother, but, for the eighteen years, the three of you had, died, and all the displeases of the past are now, gone, with the wind.  I’d heard of the news of your death as I’d returned from Egypt, I’d, come, to see you off, I’m so grateful for your kindness toward me, even more grateful, that you were, a “stand-in mother-in-law” to me, giving my families and I, such, wonderful, memories.

And so, this, is on how strong the connections of strangers who became, families are, and this still just showed, how if you’re kind to your daughters or sons-in-law, they will, reciprocate, and love you like you were, their own, parents too.  This is quite rare, to see a stepmother-in-law and a daughter-in-law get along so very well together.

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Filed under Connections, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Friendships, Lessons, Letting Go, Marriages, Memories Shared, Observations, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Story-Telling, the Finality of Life, Values

Changing a Thought, Your World Opens Right Up

Found something that kept her calm, through her husband’s temporary “fix”, translated…

As I accompanied my child to off the island to school, other than helping him settle in, I’d also taken the opportunity, to visit locally, and enjoy this little peaceful time I have. In the embrace of Mother Nature, having been stressed out too long in the nitty-gritties of the day-to-day, I’d, broken free, like a bird from a cage, I’d felt, so very free.

After a few days, although I’m now, recharged spiritually, but my body was having the fatigues from the travels. There’s a saying, “There’s NO place like home”, it’s, so very, true, as I’d reached out, and touched the doorknob of my own house, I’d finally felt, that I can, finally rest easy. But, as I’d, pushed open the doors, my steps, as well as my smiles, froze solid, and, the luggage I had in my other hand fell.

The lanai in front was a huge mess, and, the table and chair where I usually sat leisurely to read, was pushed to the side, the cardboard boxes, the plastic baskets, everywhere, the originally cleaned tile flooring, covered in muddy footprints. There’s, that awful feeling from the pit of my stomach, I’d trembled, as I’d, turned on the lights, I’d, stood there, with my jaws, dropped, in shock, couldn’t make a single sound.

Looking around me, there was, a huge pile of dirt the size of a small mount, and the bamboo had, grown taller than I am, blocking the screen doors; the other bamboos, grown too large out of proportions; and, the gardenia with the branches like the antlers of deer, lying to the side. The piles of fertilized soils, the granite pieces, all, scattered, across the ground…………it’d, looked like, a BOMB had been, dropped here.

About a week ago, my husband looked around on the lanai, and, he’d, measured the space, with his calculating gazes, I’d caught a glance, at his usual act, I’d called out, “oh no!” to myself, I’d, rushed up to him, to ask him what was up. Just as I’d suspected, he’d started, getting so enthusiastic, describing what his plans were, of having a small garden on our lanai, and, I’d, rained down on his parade, “Please, stop your delusions, you just wanted to be the frontiersman, and I’d needed to, clean up after you, like from before when we kept the birds, and the dogs too…………”

He knew he wasn’t going to win the arguments, he’d, fallen silent, and not mentioned it again, I mistakenly thought, that he’d, stopped pondering about it, without knowing, that this, was, only the calm before the storms.

That very night, one of us carried the sour face, the other, scrubbed up the mats, and there’s, this awful tropical depression visiting our home, followed by the days of silent treatments, the air, froze up.

like this???  Not my photograph…查看來源圖片

Every day I’d waken up, pulled back the drapes, and, I was, face-to-face, with this withered garden, it was, truly, depressing. And, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, rolled up my sleeves, tidied it up out there.

I’d first, trimmed the branches off the bamboos, remove the stems of the dying bamboo, the yellowed leaves as well, them, made the space, for the gardenias. After half a day of sweating it all way, I’d, gotten rid of my displease. And, I’d, taken a look at the scene, and, it was, breathable, and finally, I’d, rid myself, of the dark clouds that loomed over me these past couple of days.

More importantly, I’d put the fruit trees I’d especially loved which I’d planted inside a pot from before into the ground. And, in this garden which I’d once fought not to have, I’d, placed in some of my most cherished plants. Because, knowing my husband, my husband, who only has very short attention span, will soon forget the existence of this garden, and, I will be, the faithful gardener, who will always be looking after this small patch of my own dreams.

So, this, is how this woman changed her mind, to pull herself out of that tropical depression that she’d been in because of her husband’s temporary fix of having a small garden on their lanai, and this still showed, just how powerful the thought is, change a thought, your world lights up!

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Filed under Expectations, Family Dynamics, Hobbies/Pasttimes, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Translated Work

Using Religion as an Excuse, Pulled His Wife Along, with His Arms Around His “Spare”, They’d Gone on a Trip Together

This man has the BALLS, I’ll give you that!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Lu had an affair, he’d even set up so that his wife, and his spare, Hsu and he went together, on a worshipping trip; he’d lied to his wife, that Hsu was a coworker, and lied to Hsu about how his wife was his ex-wife, and, he was able to, get away.  Later on, Lu started becoming suspicious, and, his wife checked his cell, and found, that her husband was having an ongoing affair, and the other woman was pregnant, she sued her husband and Hsu for adultery.

As the Taipei District Attorney’s Office was investigating the details of the cases, Lu paid his wife, and she’d dropped the case against him, and, Hsu was found, to not known about Lu was already married, and yesterday, both of them got the charges dropped against them.

Lu who works in the transportation industry has a son with his wife, during 2013, he’d met Hsu, who was two years older than he, they became a couple; because of Lu’s job, he’d often taken Hsu out on trips, and, because they are both very religious, they’d gone to the temples.

At the start of last year, Lu took his wife and Hsu on a worshipping group trip, Lu lied to his wife about Hsu being his coworker, and his wife believed him, but, after that trip the three of them took together, Lu had found an assortment of excuses, to go to work early and to come home late, his wife realized that something wasn’t quite right, started zooming in on her husband’s whereabouts.

Last August, Lu’s wife snuck into her husband’s text message to his own mother, and it was about how he admitted to having a “spare wheel”, and she’d found another text of Hsu’s words of anger to her husband after they had a fight, it’d mentioned, “These two children are my pains forever, you wouldn’t know”, that, was when Lu’s wife realized, that the “coworker” her husband talks about was actually his whore.

As the D.A. prosecuted the case, Hsu admitted to having sex with Lu, but claimed that she didn’t know he was already married; Lu also told, that he didn’t tell Hsu that he was already married, and so, the D.A. believed, that there was no proof, of Hsu knowing, that Lu was already married.

Yeah, uh, you’ve GOT to be shitting me, right?  What the F***?  And this man still hid behind the BIG shield called “religion”, wow!  And, this still just shows, how BAD they can behave, IF we don’t keep them in check!

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Bad Behaviors, Betrayals, Cost of Living, Excuses, Extramarital Affairs, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Issues of the Society, Marriages, Messed Up Values, News Stories, Punishment Doesn't Fit the Crime, Rationalization, Social Issues

A Matter of Last Names

This would be a QUESTION I have for, ALL of you out there, and I still have to apologize FIRST, for using “foul” language beforehand here…

Who the FUCK (oopsy!) says, that after we women marry, we need to take the last names of our husbands?  And, wouldn’t that make us like, your “subordinates”, like second-class citizens?  This, is a “tradition” that started, from AGES, or maybe, EONS ago too.

And, why the HELL should we lose our last names, why don’t you men, take OUR last names instead, after all, we are the ones, with the ABILITY to CARRY your offspring, and so, why the HELL is it, that our kids need to take YOUR last names, instead of ours?

This is MORE than just the matter of last names, it’s about how women ARE perceived in the varied cultures in the world, because we’re married to you, we need to “lose” our own last names, because we are, married to you, is that right?  So, how come, YOU stupid losers don’t change your last names to ours?  After all, we are, living, IN the 21st CENTURY here, and, it is, OUR (women’s) era, to RULE, isn’t that right?

 

 

 

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Filed under Awareness, Connections, Expectations, Gender Inequality, Issues on Gender, Marriages, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Self-Images

The First Wife and His Fourth Spare Worked Together, and Divorced the Cheating Husband

Women gained up on a man here, from the Front Page Sections, translated….

Chang said, that his wife disregarded how dirty and covered with mud he was as he set foot into the house, and accused him for having an affair, and, because he was pressed, he’d told her that he’d had sex without a condom, just to piss her off, that his wife couldn’t accuse him of having an affair, having the recordings of what he’d said out of anger; plus, Chinese was not his mother tongue, sometimes, he couldn’t mean what he says.  But Jeng, his FOURTH spare came to court and told, that four years ago, she’d met Chang in a night club, after they’d started seeing each other for a month, he’d proposed to her, Chang said, that he loved her so, and would falsify a marriage with her, to stay in Taiwan, she loved him deeply, and had sex with him, it wasn’t until she’d gotten a call from his wife, did she realize, that he was already married for ten years, and had children.

It’s either that this woman is way too STUPID, or that this man, is truly, an EXCELLENT LIAR, but, either way, this cheating BASTARD still got caught, with his pants, DOWN to his ankles, and now, the wife is working with his FOURTH spare (I wonder what would the three OTHER spares say about that!!!), to SUE him, suits him right!

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Bad Behaviors, Broken Promises, Choices, Commiting Adultery, Cost of Living, Crime & Punishment, Excuses, Interpersonal Relations, Issues of Morality, Issues on Gender, Life, Love Became Revenge, Marriages, Messed Up Values, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship, Social Awareness, Socialization, White Picket Fence

My Husband’s Misinterpreted Me

The interactions between a couple here, translated…

Early in the morn, before my husband headed out into the community to volunteer, he’d told me, that he was going to get two boxes of dumplings from the old streets home after the activities were over, that way, we’d have our servings of protein, as well as starch too, and all I needed to do, was to broil up some vegetables, and there goes our suppers.

At six-thirty in the evening, the moment my husband walked in, he’d shouted out with excitement, “I got some pan-fried dumplings!”

I was washing the veggies, and, my face turned, and I’d asked him with an annoyance, “didn’t we agree on getting dumplings?”

“You’re the one who told me you wanted the pan-fried dumplings, that, was why I’d bought them!”, his face also turned colors.

“Why do you always NOT get the message I’d sent?”, I could no longer hold down my anger anymore, “Pan-friend dumplings are fried with oil, while dumplings are cooked with water, which one’s healthier?  If it were me, would I choose something that’s so unhealthy?”

“I distinctly heard you said that you hadn’t had pan-friend dumplings for a long time, so that, was why I’d stood in line, especially to buy them for you, if I’d gotten the dumplings, then, I wouldn’t have needed to stand in line!”, my husband looked so innocent.

“So, you’re the one who wanted it.”, I’d finally decoded his hidden messages, but I’d still felt fumed on the inside, “Do you NOT recall how many RED markings there were on your health exams?”  “Oh!  I’d bought it already, so, won’t you give it a rest already?”, my husband is now, getting annoyed.

Yeah!  It’s been such a long time, since I’d had those pan-fried dumplings, and, they smelled amazing, because of how hungry I was, I’d stopped grilling him.

I was naturally timid and feared the darkness, in the depth of the nights, after my husband went back to bed, I could still slouch up on the couch, to watch those late night soaps, naturally, it was because of the company of my dearly beloved husband.

If we dissected our lives, and analyzed everything, the conclusions we arrive at would be that “life is made up of the smaller matters of daily living”, same as in marriage.  Living this long, I’d already come to understand: we must tolerate how sometimes, we would misunderstand one another in communication, that there may be sparks from time to time, life would then, be happy, and our marriages, steady.

I’ came to bed, saw my husband already fast asleep, I felt more than comforted, I’d gotten closer to him, to snuggle, closed by eyes, and, deleted all the bad emotions for the entire day, one, by one.

This, is an example of NEVER going to bed angry, and, sometimes, even IF you’re married for a long time, there would still be misreading one another’s messages, and, at this time, great tolerances would be needed, to resolve the issues, like this woman had come to her senses on the matter, after all, the two of you are going for the long run together, aren’t you???

 

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Filed under Communications, Expectations, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship

A Penny Saved in Love as the Basis of the Marriage

A story on marriage, translated…

As I’d gone home to the southern strips, I was picking out the vegetables by the door, I saw my mother-in-law washed a plastic bag, then, hung it upside down on the stick of the mop, to let it drip dry.

I thought, this, is the saving attitude of the older generations, they couldn’t even throw away a dirty plastic bag, no wonder every time we’re due back in Taipei, my mother-in-law could pull out a TON of plastic bags like magic, and fill them up with the homegrown vegetables from her own garden.

Actually, this, isn’t weird at all, every time I’d bought items from the bakery, the clerk would always place the buns inside smaller bags, then, put the wrapped up buns inside a plastic bag.  After the buns are finished, I’d saved all those bags, and the next time I’d bought meats from the marketplaces, I’d separated them into portions, placed them inside these smaller plastic bags, then, put them into the freezer.  Both my mother-in-law and I held the same values in saving our foods.

When I was washing up the vegetables, I’d noticed that there was a CRACK in my mother-in-law’s wash basin, which was glued back together with super glue, then, used again and again.  I was all too familiar with that crack, that was the wash basin that was broken over ten years ago, that my father managed to glue back together, and reused.  This cheap wash basin, was being used, in my mother’s as well as my mother-in-law’s households.

Some had said, what kind of person will end up with those like her/him”, and so, although my husband and I were raised in different families, but, we’d both held the attitude of cherishing everything we owned, to not waste anything, that, was why we’re so well matched up.

Who says, that when things break, you must replace with new ones, if it can be fixed, then, it shall be used over, and over again; who says, that after something gets dirty, it shall get thrown out, washing it off, it’s, clean as new again.

So this, is how values are passed down from one generation to the next, by observation, and by watching how the older generations cherished what they had, this next generation of people will also, pick up the values.

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