Category Archives: Loss

The Silhouette of, Lonely

The silhouette of, lonely, it looked like a, man, or rather, someone (or something!) that’s, no longer, whole, like the puzzles with the pieces gone missing…

The silhouette of, lonely, it doesn’t look good, does it?  Nope, but, what can you do?  Once loneliness, settled in your lives?  There’s no way you gave, hand it that, eviction notice, you think it’s just gonna, go that easily, without a fight?  Think, again!

The silhouette of, lonely, like that beautiful woman, untouchable, so high and mighty, with so many suitors down below, looking up at how beautiful she is, and yet, she’s, not interested (no, she’s still, NOT a “lesbian” either!), she has set her mind’s eyes on something else, way, way, W-A-Y more important, than the, earthly…

with nobody else, but the, self…photo from online

The silhouette of, lonely, that, is what you will have, every single night, when you go to bed at night, and, I’m still not going to, tuck you in, give you that kiss, good night, like I had, with my two!

The silhouette of, lonely, you better get used to it, ‘cuz lonely is all you’re ever gonna get, in your, company, there’s no way out for ya, lonely’s got you, cornered there…………

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Filed under Being Alone, Loneliness/Solitude, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Dove into the Deep, Yet, Quite Serene Arms of the, Oceans

How in the presence of something so vast, so, boundless, can offer that needed healing to us, how being in something so massive, takes the focus of the self away, and we became, immersed in the beauty that, surrounds, us…translated…

Using diver’s lungs to dive, it’s an underwater activity where you would need to carry your own bottle of air, and other devices too, that allow you to dive down, deeper.  I loved diving, because it gives me the chance to leave everything onshore behind temporarily, I only needed to focus on the breathing in and out, moving my legs to swim around, along with, what surrounded me at the moment.

At the end of autumn last year, I’d bid farewell to my best friend forever.  Without much consoles, my diving partners pulled me along, on the distant and far away diving adventures I’d had from before.  Looking at the glows of the light from the bottom of the oceans, the shimmers of the water reflecting on the light, was more than, satisfying.  And, if there were the schools of fishes that pass, or the sea turtles swimming along, it would feel, even more, amazing.  In the bottom of the oceans, I feel, so tiny, so, miniscule, my thoughts, purified too to simplistic.  And, it gave me a depth of understanding, of how enchanting the oceans are, and how we also need to, be respectful toward it.  What was out, of my, expectations, was that I got acquainted with a group of friends who shared the same hobby of deep sea diving as I.  We dived together, then, barbecued, drank, and sang those songs.

alone, with nothing but our own selves, and, nature…photo from online

I’d originally thought, that my sorrows will take me over that I won’t enjoy this trip, and yet, I’d felt, healed, again.  I’m grateful toward the presence of the oceans, using that deep, serene arms to, embrace me.  That vast, blue ocean turned everything to small, and, no matter how huge the storms of emotions I was under, the oceans made it, reduced by a whole, lot.

So, being in the presence of something so, majestic, it takes away the unimportant feelings of the self, and that’s, just it!  How we are, often troubled, by something so tiny, that we needed that wakeup call by putting our selves into something that’s, larger, something boundless, to remind ourselves, that our problems are, nothing, that we should NOT get trapped by, the unimportant, the miniscule matters of our, measly lives.

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Filed under Awareness, Healing Process, Hobbies/Pasttimes, Letting Go, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

The Drawers with All the Different Brands of Cigarettes

How these memories of what’s lost, keeps on, taking over, our, lives…can’t find that familiar taste of cigarette, no matter how hard she’d, tried…on estrangement…translated…

Her first cigarette, was from her, father, he’d taught her to, smoke.

On an ordinary afternoon, she’d gone out with her father, on his deliveries.  She was out of school that afternoon because she’d sustained an injury from the fall off the steps, bumped her head, got sent to the hospital for it.  The school contacted her father, to have him pick her up from the hospital.  He was working, and all the deliveries he was making were all, urgent, he couldn’t, drop her off at home first.

That final place where her father took her to deliver the items was, a famed restaurant, located adjacent to the River of Love.  They were, clearly, late, and, everybody was busying in the supper rush hours, nobody came to sign off on the deliveries.  And so her father parked his truck by the side of the road, stood on the sidewalks with her, with the boxes of refrigerated orders taller than she was between them.

illustration from

Waited for too long, her father asked her, can I smoke?  She’d nodded.  He’d lit one up, walked, to the, side.

He normally wouldn’t mind these sorts of small things, but every month, her father would take her to her maternal grandmother’s home, and that was the only chance she got to visit with her mother after they split up.  Every time when the weekends came around, her father would fall, silent, lost in his thought, and would ask more than usual questions of her.  Like, if she’d minded that he’d, smoked in front of her or not.

As he smoked, he’d found her, squatted down, holding her head down, like she’d fallen, ill.  He looked at her, then, pushed out a cigarette, offered it to her.

He’d taught her which end to smoke on, which end to lit the fire to, then, told her to get close to the lighter, to take the inhales, slowly.

Her father believed back then, that smoking could ease her headache a bit, it was so stupid.

In actuality, it wasn’t that she’d felt ill, that she’d held her head, just felt, that it was weird and new, feeling the sutures on her head, the bumps, she’d patted her scars light.

It was quite on the ride that day, all the way until the employees at the restaurant came out, there was only a garbage truck that’s passed them by, and, it wasn’t on duty, because “The Maiden’s Prayer” wasn’t playing.

Late one night after she turned adult, as she was having instant noodle at a 7-Eleven afterwork, there was someone that looked like her father.  The two of them had become estranged, stopped contacting one another, and suddenly, she’d wondered, which brand of cigarette her father had, smoked.  She’d worked hard, to try and remember, but nothing about what the box looked, like.  And so, she’d asked the clerk for one of every available, smoked one from the various packs a day, but hadn’t found one that’s tasted exactly like the one she’d remembered, and the packs got, stashed in the drawer below that drawer of change.

On her thirty-third birthday, that man who she’d met for the very first time opened up her drawer, asked, that she’d smoked that much.  And, the moment she saw that drawer and its, contents, she’d lost it, chased that man out, and, used the entire evening, to smoke every cigarette out of every box again.  But until light the following morn, in the tears, she still, couldn’t, find that scent that she was, familiar with when she was a young child.  She ended up, holding her head, bent over, sat on her, floors.

So, this is how this woman is, searching for her father’s taste and scent, but that taste, that scent had already, been lost through time, and can’t ever, get found back again, but she’d, missed that particular moment of intimacy, of getting close to her own father, as that, was a once-in-a-lifetime encounter, and she’d, longed to, get that taste, that scent of her father’s, cigarette back, so she could, hold on to him, but she can’t find that back, because all’s been, lost, through, time already!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Cost of Living, Family Dynamics, Life, Loss, Memories Shared, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Properties of Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

Days &, Words

Lessons in death and dying, taught to us, by our, pets…translated…

I’d met the cat in this place, very clingy, so I took him, home.  Had him, for ten years.

Returning back to this place, the cat’s been gone two years already. But everything is still, the same, the grasses, the trees, green as they ever were, the surface of that lake, very, clear, it was, picturesque.  Returned back to when she fell ill, to her death, those days were, too hard to, bear, it felt like someone else had, lived it, not me.

grieving is, ABSOLUTLEY necessary in D-E-A-T-H…illustration found online

What’s left behind, other than the never-ending I love you and I will miss you, were, the two, lines.  That was when I held her in my arms, she, convulsed, as she’d, swallowed her, last, breaths, my tears fell, all the way, down, what I was able to see: life in company of, another, life, maturing in, love.

So, this is the lessons, your beloved pet cat left for you, she’d taught you what it’d meant, to love something, so unconditionally, to give her, all of your, heart, to care for her, until, the end, until, death, finally, came, and you will grieve, but after you’d grieved for the loss of her life, when you look back, you will feel, that she’d, made a, huge, impact on your, life, and that should be, more than enough, to help you, left go, of her death…

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Filed under Awareness, Lessons, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, the Finality of Life

To the End of Life with Them

The unconditional love from, and to a pet that you give…translated…

I’d feared, the furry critters, especially dogs, as I saw it coming, I would, go the long away, make my way, around it, not dared coming face to face with the dog, nor had I ever, thought about, owning one.  But my son was, exactly, opposite, loved them when he was younger, and when he’d bumped into them, he’d, got down and played with them for a very, long time, and not wanted to, get up and go.

When my son was four, someone abandoned long-haired dog with skin conditions right in front of our home.  My son didn’t mind that its coat was completely matted up or that it was covered in filth, insisted that we adopt.  And so, my husband can only, put the ointment on the skin, to help it heal up, and, after he’d, cleaned up the dog, then, the dog was, allowed in our home.  My son was ecstatic, named the dog “Fluffy” right away, hugged onto him, used the dog as a pony, and, “Fluffy” didn’t mind my son one bit, and allowed him to do what he wanted, the human and dog got along very fine.

Fluffy is female, we’d not paid attention to her estrus, and, she came back home pregnant, gave birth to seven puppies, this made my son really overjoyed.  But we had to go to work, and he started school, how do we take care of a total of eight of them?  And after the talks with my son, he’d, finally, compromised, kept that white-colored male puppy he’d already named, “Milky”, and send the rest, away, and so, “Fluffy” and “Milky”, the mother-son pair became, our, family.

that’s another way of looking at it, isn’t it??? Found online

When Fluffy was fourteen, she’d, finally died, my son who was in middle school was grief-stricken, and wrote her an eulogy, which moved his teacher so, and every since, my son became, even more, inseparable from Milky.  When my son was doing his homework, Milky would stay under his desk, he hated baths, and, my son threatened him, “you don’t go in for a bath, I won’t play with you anymore!”, and he’d, gone into the bathrooms to get a bath.  Early in the morn, as he saw I’m going off to work, he’d, followed me to the end of the hall, barked two times, like he was, saying, “bye, mom”, to me, watched me leave, then, head back inside.

Other than feeding him the dog food, his favorite food was the meatballs, and surely, meatballs were meant for humans, way too salty for him, and he had skin condition, which is a total no for him.  And, every time we’d fed him some, we’d told him, you only get two per day, and no more, and he’d, understood, after we’d given him his ration during lunch time, at supper, he’d, gone back to his food bowl and eaten his own, dog food, I’d joked with my husband, that “Milky” was way better behaved than our son.

As my son went away to college, Milky got old, started having cataracts, and became incontinent, along with other signs of aging, due to how he couldn’t see anymore, he’d, bumped into the walls a lot, and when he couldn’t control his bladder, I’d, followed him, wiping it up, and I’d not blamed him.  When my son isn’t home, Fluffy won’t EVER take a bath, and, as my husband forced him into the bathrooms, he’d, started, barking loudly, and made it look like he was going to, bite him, totally, out of, control, his coat, white and long, covered in filth, totally, resembling that of, a stray.  I’d told my son, to be, prepared, that Milky is about to go find his, mom soon.

When my son was in the armed services, one day my husband and I went to run some errands, before we’d left, I saw that something wasn’t, quite right in his eyes, and as we’d come back, he’d, died on that placemat, peacefully, went to be, an angel.  We’d had a veterinary hospital to cremate him, to sort through his, final, affairs.  And now, as I’d thought of him, of how he’d, closed his eyes, and not moved, I’d not become fearful, when I saw dogs on the street now.  Fluffy, Milky, thank you both, for teaching me, that humans and dogs experience the wide varieties of emotions just the same, you love them, they will, love you, even, more.

And so, these are, the dogs, that you end up, owning, that had, come to you, because of affinity, and you’d, loved both the mom and the puppy, and you’d, taken good care of both, until they’re, old, and then, passed in peace.

There’s no greater unconditional love that we can offer to our pets, and the love we showed them, is reciprocated back to us, with the hardest part of watching the grow old, and die, but, they will, always, stay with us, because we will, always and forever remember the times we’d shared with them, and the love they have for us, and the love we have, for them too.

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Filed under Because of Love, Lessons, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

That Drawer of, Lost, Memories…

That drawer of, lost, memories, stashed somewhere in time…

With its contents, forgotten, by its, previous, owners!  That drawer of, lost, memories, will it be, opened up again?  Or, will it, stay, shut forever?  Nobody can, tell.

That drawer of, lost, memories, it’d, stayed, inside our minds, with all of the contents, kept neatly tucked in, with all the monsters of our separate childhood, locked, inside the box.

in a darkened place in your, minds…illustration from online

That drawer of, lost, memories, don’t you ever, wonder, wonder ‘bout what’s in it, that you’d, forgotten already?  Don’t you wanna, open it back up, to examine, every piece of evidence of what you’d been, put through?  Why not?

That drawer of, lost, memories, it’d, stayed, inside your mind, in that, unlit corner (b/c you refused to put that spotlight on it, to bring it, to your, attention!), and there it will, forever stay, and it may become, brittle, ‘cuz you’ll, start to, forget, when you’re, old.

And then, that drawer of lost, memories, shall, NEVER be, discovered again, and you wouldn’t even have a single clue WHAT you’d lost, because you weren’t, aware of ever, having had what you’d, already, lost, and it SUCKS to be, Y-O-U!


Filed under Awareness, Childhood, Innocence Lost, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Suppressed Memories, Things Left Behind

The 129th “Large-Scale Shooting” the Guns Sounded Off in an American Elementary School, a Cross-Gendered Woman Massacred Six

And, we have, W-H-O, to THANK for this, REPEATED SHIT again???  Oh yeah, the Republican Party, as they’re all, GUN-LOVING, and “sponsored” by the N.R.A.!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

On the 27th, at the Covenant School of Nashville, Tennessee, there was a shooting, the twenty-eight-year-old transgendered former graduate, a woman, Audrey Hale, took two semi-automatic and a handgun, entered into her alma mater, and started shooting at random, causing three nine-year-old students, and three adult instructors to get murdered.  As the police arrived, they’d fired at Hale, and, gunned her down.

March is not even, over yet, and The Covenant School shooting, was already, the 129th “mass scale shooting” in the U.S. (not including the gunman, there were at least, four fatalities), the President of the U.S., Biden on the 27th, called out to the Congress to set up the bans of the assault weapons.  He’d stated, “this is heartbreaking, this is the families worst nightmares, we must, work harder, to try to prevent the cases of gun violence, and to protect the schools.”

The police stated, that Hale had entered into the school by firing into the lock and started shooting.  The police were called at 10:13 in the morn on the day, five officers rushed over, heard the gunshots came from the school’s second floor, two officers opened fire on Hale at the hallway of the first floor, at 10:27, they had shot and killed Hale.

The police stated, that as soon as Hale entered, she’d started shooting at random, the fatalities included three nine-year-old students, and three adults, including the sixty-year-old principal, Koonce, Peak, and the school janitor, Hill.

The head of Nashville Police Department said, the declaration of the shooter “showed that there will be multiple locations, the school was only one of them.”, the police also found a map of the school, with the details of where the surveillance cameras are installed, the various doors.

and, here’s that video off of Youtube, from the news channels…

The motive of the shooting is still pending investigation, Drake stated, two of the three weapons that the gunman had, were legally purchased, when she’d gone on a shooting rampage, “she had the massive amounts of ammunition to open fire with the police forces”, “readied to cause even more damages”.  The shotguns were also found, in the gunman’s home.

The school belonged to the Covenant of Grace Presbyterian, in 2001, the school was set up on the southside of the neighborhood of Nashville, with the enrollments of students from preschool to sixth grade, around two hundred students, and thirty-two instructors.

The spokesperson of the WH, Jean-Pierre stated, that Biden hoped that the Congress can do something about this, because “enough is enough!”.  She’d stated, “how many more children need to die, before the Republican House Representative pass the bill to ban the assault weapons, with the detailed background checks and purchasers showing that they have a safe storage place for the assault weapons.”

There’d been many cases of large-scale massacres of graduates who’d barged into their former elementary schools.  Last May, an eighteen-year-old male opened fire at an elementary school in Texas, causing nineteen children and two schoolteachers dead.  In 2012, a twenty-year-old male opened fire onto his alma mater in Connecticut, causing twenty students and six teaching staff dead.

And, this is still NOT quite enough, for the Congress to pass the gun control bill, because, they’re “sponsored” by the N.R.A., and of course, the Republican majority will NEVER pass a gun control law, because that means, they will be, losing the support of those in favor of the N.R.A., and, the N.R.A., has the Republican Party, in its, pockets, putting the fundings of the Republican campaigns into the party.


Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Awareness, Children Murdered, Gun Control, Legislature, Life, Loss, Messed Up Values, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Second Amendment Rights, Unsafe in the Schools, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

Becoming the Wolf’s, Prey…

That was, what Little Red feared the most, ever since her mother warned her of the existence of the Big Bad Wolf that’s, lurking in the dark woods, and she’d, done her best, to avoid going into the woods, without “adult supervision”…

Until, until one weekend, her mother had to go to work, and her Granny Red was, ill, and she became, caught in the dilemma, do I go to grandma’s, or do I not?  What are, the pros and, cons?  Being at her young age (the invincibility fable???), she lacked that, foresight, and, even though she knew of what sorts of dangers are, lurking in the, woods (the Big Bad Wolf, and, the local villagers sighted that TROLL under that bridge too!)………

And, in the end, she’d, decided, to waive ALL her worries, because it was still light out, so long as you don’t go into the forests at night, you’ll be fine, that’s what the adults in the villages told all the little children!

So she set out…………

how the “innocent child” was seduced…illustration from online

And, seeing how the skies are still light, and being at an easily distracted age as she, she’d, looked around as she walked (kinda like my dogs had, when I took them out!), then, came this, tall, dark, scary-looking gent, and she’d not realized, that it was the Big Bad Wolf, as he’d, put on that gentleman’s tuxedo, with the top hat and everything!

As soon as the Big Bad Wolf sighted Little Red, in her, form of not yet adult, no longer a child (tender, juicy, not too old…………), he’d already thought up of a million ways to devour Little Red, but to make the thrills of the catch more fun for him, he’d decided, to toy with Little Red like that cat would its catch, the DEAD (or dying!) mouse………………

Becoming the wolf’s prey, and yeah, she had only HER own innocence to blame, and her trustfulness in strangers, and she lacked the common sense of what the adults taught their young: don’t talk to strangers!  (but, but what if that stranger looked hurt???  Do we just, walk away and leave her/him to DIE?)

Becoming the wolf’s prey, ever since the wolf set eyes on Little, he’d, longed to, devour her, but, he’d decided to play that game of cat and mouse, to set up the traps, and in the end, Little Red still got, RAPED by the Big Bad Wolf, and, there was, not even a grandma, Little Red forgot, that her Granny Red DIED about fifty years ago, when there was, a serious pandemic, at the scale of, the BUBONIC, plague!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Cost of Living, Innocence Lost, Loss, Preying on Others' Kindness, Properties of Life, Stupidity, The Price of Virginities

The Drunk-Driver Killing One Injuring Three, the Husband of the Woman Who Was Killed: Sentencing Him to Nine Years Ten Months is Not Close to Enough, as the Second Trial’s Verdict Added Longer Sentence

Of course, considering how a family got, destroyed, and yet, there’s still, NO “harsher” punishment for those who CHOOSE to get behind the wheels, drunk in this country!  Off of the Newspapers, translated…

The man, Huang in Kaohsiung got behind the wheels intoxicated, rammed into Lin’s family of four, the wife of Lin died on impact, Lin and his two daughters were, severely, injured, the district attorneys indicted Huang on manslaughter charges, first trial gave him a sentence of seven years ten months.  The Kaohsiung Subsidiary Courts found that Huang did, SLAM on his brakes as he’d hit, that it wasn’t, manslaughter, but, he’d been caught twice before, getting behind the wheels drunk, and he was driving without a license, ramming the red lights, speeding, not allowed the pedestrians the right of way, that the punishment from the first trial was too lenient, yesterday, he was charged on vehicular manslaughter due to drunk driving, sentenced to nine years ten months.

“Not charging him with murder, it’d not set an example for the drunk drivers in the future…”, as Lin appeared in court in a wheelchair, heard the verdict, told, and even if the sentences had been added to more, it’s still, way too, lenient, for decades on end, the laws can’t scare off the repeated drunk drivers one bit, viewing drunk driving vehicular manslaughter as equivalent to murder in amending the laws is nowhere in sight, he’d gone up to the every single member of the Transportations Committee of the Legislature, to declare this, and only one legislator’s assistant showed up at the press conference he was holding, “The government and the representatives are all, enabling accomplices of this!”

He said, the civil case had already been settled, Huang hadn’t paid a cent to his families, and Huang’s mother found an attorney to sue him, how will his family take that lying down?  As he receives the verdict, he will then discuss with his attorneys to see if will fight for an appeal.  Lin’s mother accompanied his son to court, and recalled the past year’s worth of hardship with the trials, felt awful for what her son was going through, and started crying hard as the verdict’s been, read.

Two years ago on December 26th, Lin and his wife and daughter was crossing the crosswalks next to the Ai River in Kaohsiung, Huang rammed into them and had been drunk driving.  The D.A. found, that Huang drove without a license, and was speeding, ramming the red lights, changing lanes without signaling, stepped down on the gas, then slammed on the brakes, there’s the uncertainties of his intent to kill someone, and in the past, there’d been drunk drivers who’d killed someone drunk driving who’d received twelve years and a half, and the D.A. charged Huang on manslaughter, and asked for fifteen years.

The Kaohsiung District Court took the case, there was a 29.1 meter long skid mark from the brakes, as Huang found the pedestrian, he had, slammed on the brakes, if there’s the uncertainties of intent of killing someone, then, he would’ve run someone over shortly after he got behind the wheels drunk, instead of ramming into the family as he drove across that particular, intersection, sentenced him to seven ears ten months on vehicular manslaughter by drunk driving.

Lin and the D.A. appealed.  The Kaohsiung High Subsidiary Courts reviewed the evidence of the skid marks, and other physical evidences, and found, that there’s the uncertainties of the intent to commit murder, but, considering that Huang was driving at the speed of up to 93 kilometers per hour, considering the medical expertise, Lin and his daughter’s injuries could be treated.

The Collectivist Courts found, that in recent years, there’d been the people’s going up against drunk drivers, and Huang had two previous drunk driving records, and still got behind the wheels drunk, he’d not had a valid license, ramming the red lights, speeding, not allowed the pedestrians to have the right of way, it’d caused Lin to lose his loved ones, and still hadn’t reached a settlement agreement with the families yet, gave him the heavy sentence of nine years ten months on drunk driving causing deaths.  The most severe sentence for drunk driving in the past was ten year, the verdict was closest to that.

And yet this is still bullshit, you think, that by punishing this person for ramming over the family, killing the members of the family to serve in prison is going to, help him reform?  Yeah, right, because the law’s way too lenient here, that’s why, these drunk driving “accidents” (it would no longer be accident after that  very first case!), keep on happening all over the world, because there’s NO stricter punishments, and, you can’t take the people’s keys away, if they wobbled out of a bar either, so, this keeps on, happening.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Crime & Punishment, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Loss, Murder, Negligence, Negligence Homicide, On the Wrong Side of the Law, Punishment Doesn't Fit the Crime, Tragedies in the World, White Picket Fence, Wrongful Deaths

Secrets & Rebirth

When death occurred, so very, suddenly, we couldn’t, adapt, but, eventually, as time passes we’d, learned that it’s the love we felt for those whom we lost that will, forever, stay, translated…

My in-laws live out in the countryside, still very agile, and healthy.  Every now and then, we’d gone home to visit them, the two would start complaining about each other, and everybody was laughing and enjoying ourselves, not known, that bad luck was, already, at our, doors.

On an August morning four years ago, my father-in-law lay slanted on the floor, passed out into a coma.  We’d rushed him to the hospital, where we were told, that he had a hemorrhage in his brain stem, he’d fallen into comatose after the surgery, was in, a vegetative, state.  In the hospital, my mother-in-law kept telling me, “Your dad always called me weaker, that he would let me die before him, how can he do this now?”, not wearing enough clothes, she was pale, but, without any tears, and stated to us, “if you are going to set up the funeral for your father, don’t waste time nor energy, just do it like the elderly neighbor woman.”

Destiny is this, when it comes, you can’t, stop it.

On that very afternoon, as my father-in-law was taken to surgery, I’d given my mother-in-law a lift home to rest a bit, the families called us, told that my father-in-law’s surgery went well, that they got the hematomas out, the two of us, embraced and started crying, we’d thought, that the skies are, turning light.  And yet, not long thereafter, my mother-in-law complained that her heart was beating too fast, that she was, feeling, ill, and the ambulance came over, again.

the new life after their elders are, gone…

photo from online

In the E.R., this time, it was, my mother-in-law who’d gone into, a comatose.

The doctor on duty told that it might be the Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, caused by enormous emotional distress of sudden onset, causing the heart to not be able to cope.  A week later, my mother-in-law had an embolism in her brains, and we’d decided, to have her, unplugged then.

My father-in-law kept his promise, stayed alone on this earth, to withstand the tortures of his body, he’d become, slimmed down very quickly, and a year later, he’d, finished all of his, missions on, earth.

That old house dimmed down, faced the sunset, all alone now.  We live in the city, and rarely made it back, didn’t want to, get reminded of, all of, this.  Until the start of the pandemic, in stage-three alert, we had, no other places we can go, and finally, we’d, returned back to their, old, stay.

Cobwebs, geckos, the cracks on the walls, the dust, the leaks……….from that day four years ago, there were, the traces of that day that remained, we’d, started, cleaning up, and, a lot of the, secrets, they’d, begun, surfacing, back up.

At the bottommost layer of that old camphor cabinet, we’d found the saving books and the stamps stashed there under the few bowls; the camphor beams on the roof, there were, the gold necklace my in-laws saved for their granddaughter as dowry; in the notebook there was, the ledger of how much they’d spent by the days, they’d only spent $5,000N.T.s on groceries, there were the diaries my mother-in-law kept during my father-in-law’s service terms, when they were, separated, with how much she’d missed him…………..

Those who’d, suddenly departed, couldn’t say goodbye in time, using this means, to leave traces of them selves behind, so those who’d survived, can, slowly, heal, using their own ways.

Last winter, we’d started setting up the racks out in the garden to plant a loofa; started in October, the bright yellow flower of the squash started, fighting to get our, attention, the fruits were, grown in by the huge numbers now.  The yellow and green colored country scene, the new life began, in the, old-style mansion home.

And so, life still goes, on, even after those whom we loved and cared about are, gone, and, after the griefs all you will remember about those whom you’d loved and lost, are the, better memories all of you had made, and share.

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Filed under Fate, Life, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Values