Category Archives: Loss

That Child Who’d Not Died, in War, a Poem

On how the children in the population, the most innocent people of ALL, are hit, the hardest, in the wars between the countries, translated…

Because the Father Who Survived, Still Held onto His Tiny Body

Because the Father Who Survived, Still, Kissed Him on the Cheeks

Because the Father Who Survived Still, Whispered into His Tiny Little Ears, Telling Him the Secrets

Because the Father Who Survived Still Looked Carefully, Upon His Tiny Eyes Shut Tight, Using His Tear

Using His Love—I Knew

from the war in Syria, photo from online

This Won’t be the Final Time in His, Life

I Know

He’s, Still, Alive

As are, All the Young Children of War

They’re All to, NEVER, Die in the Wars

I am, the Father of Two

And so, this, is how wars impact everybody who is living in it, whichever side you’re on, you will, suffer these losses, maybe not directly related to you, because you’re lucky for now, that nobody you love died already, but, all around you, there’s, DEATH, despair, and seeing those who’d lost their own young to the wars that the people never selected to fight, it’s just, unfair, but what can you do?  Nothing, you can, do nothing.

here’s the latest, children of war in the Ukrainian-Russian conflicts…

their faces still, very, innocent…photo from online

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Filed under Awareness, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Poetry, Properties of Life, Right to Life, Social Awareness, Tragedies in the World, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

The Love that Came to the Rescue, in Time

The one, who’d, helped showed the person the light when she’s enveloped in darkness, someone who’d, touched the lives of those whom she came into, contact with, translated…

I’d retired from my teaching career for over three years now, and every time I thought of the connection I shared with my department head, Yang, I would be filled up with a ton of, gratitude.

Recalling how thirty years back, as I transferred to the school to teach, Yang the department head of teaching affairs handed me a box of sweets, told me to take it home to give to the kids.  The gentleness of her nature, she’d, immediately, settled my uncertainty.  Back then, my children were still quite young, as I got caught in the difficulties of not knowing how to get through to them, Yang gave me the tips, as I’d solicited for her advice.

There was a time when my child had the chickenpox, and started itching like crazy, Yang drove her car to my home at night, and, brought me a huge bag of Indian borage, something that stops the itch instantly.  To this day, my son who’d grow taller than us still recalled, that on the night he was ill, how Yang became like Santa Claus, brought a back of, magical herbs, and, hung it on the doorknob outside our home!

In 1998, my father died abruptly, being the eldest daughter, I was, flustered, and flew into a panic, not known how to sort through his, final affairs, and instinctively, Yang my department head came to mind.  I’d dialed her number, and tears came flowing down, and her voice gave me that strength.  Not long after that, as my father’s body was lifted to the funeral home, I’d found, that she was already, among those who were, reciting the prayers for the passing already.

After she retired, Yang still continued her giving, and, entered into the volunteer crew of Tzu-Chih Hospital, and she’d, helped all of those who are close to her, feel the warmth, and gain some wisdoms through interacting with her.

And so, this is, the woman who lit up your life, who offered you the needed emotional/psychological, and the physical forms of support when you’d needed, and, you are, blessed to have met someone who is kind, giving, and gentle in your life.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Helping Behaviors, Kindness Shown, Lending a Helping Hand, Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

The Air, My Friend

On keeping that light inside, even as, it turns, dark, all, around us, the column by Jimmi Liao, translated, by me…

the artwork of Jimmi Liao, from UDN.com

how the light gets, in…

After that Earthquake,

The Light Finally

Started, Illuminating that Room that’s, Originally, Covered in, Darkness

This showed, that no matter how bad the situations get, we still need to, hold on to that light inside of us, because, hope is, never too far away…

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Filed under Life, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

We Shouldn’t be Easily Completed

Life is a winding road, that we’re all, traveling, and healing still takes, FOREVER, a poem, translated…

Time is Limited, We are

Just about Used Up the Night’s Moonlight

The Moon, Shaped in a Hook, the Night, Flowed Along like Water

We Felt Tonight Together

That it’s Calling Out to Us, to Finish Something

But, We are, Uncertain of What We Can Get Done

and, here’s what that road, looks, like…

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and it still, never ends, or at least, we can’t, see it! Photo from online

Anything at All

We Can Only be, Completed

To the Point of, Doing, Nothing at All, Only

Set Out

——We are Always Going Places

Feeling the Excitements, the Uncertainties

The Fears of Not Knowing Where We’re Headed

The Bumps, the Twists & Turns in the Roads

That Excitement, Compounded with the Worries

We Will, Keep on Tripping & Falling Down

Getting Lost

Flipping through that Map Too Many Times It’d Become, Torn Up

And, Missed that Only Ride

To Where We’re Headed————Afar

Or Maybe, After a Break Up

We’d Both Known, We’re Supposed to

Travel Alone for the Rest of What Follows

Some Sights are Fitted, for Seeing Alone

Or, Maybe, Not Being Seen at All

We Will Always be on the Way

It’s Just, Finding Our Own Individual Tracks

In the Tracks of Millions of Billions of Man

Our Questions, Not Yet Answered,

The Doubts, Incomplete

Not Taken Flight Yet

Not Yet, Embraced Still

There’s No Beliefs of: Because the Night is So Persistent

That a Tear Fell Completely Either

And so, this just goes to show, how the healing process is the work of an entire lifetime, you may be on your ways to healing now, but, you’re just not yet, finished, you can’t see the end, because, it’s, nowhere in sight, but you know, you need to, keep on going, to find that closure over, what you’d lost in your lives.

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Filed under Healing Process, Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Poetry, Properties of Life, Unrequited Love

After the Psychologically Ill Man Hacked His Own Mother to Death, He’d Cried Out, “Someone, HELP My MOTHER!”

The man’s mental illness left untreated, that’s, caused his own mother to be, MURDERED by him!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

There was the tragic news of a mother being murdered by her son in Taoyuan yesterday, the man, Tseng, was suspected of murdering his own mother, Chen, with a butcher’s knife, with whom he lives with.  The police, fire department broke down the door, found Chen lying in a pool of blood, already dead, Tseng was covered in blood, and was found, hiding on the balcony, in a daze.  The police found the records of Tseng having been treated for a mental condition, but not registered as a mentally ill person, as they took him to the hospital under police custody, they’d charged him with murder, after the D.A. reviewed the facts, asked the courts to keep him in custody, the courts signed off on it.

The police found, that the thirty-one-year-old Tseng lives on the fourth floor of an apartment with his mother in Pingzhen District, Chen took care of Tseng by herself.  At around six in the morning, the neighbor, Liao heard Chen called for help and immediately called the police, and Tseng started crying shortly thereafter, “help, save my mother!”; as the police and firefighters arrived the door was locked from the inside, they broke it down, entered into the living room, where they saw a huge pool of blood, with Tseng’s mother lying in it, no sign of life, and there was a butcher’s knife next to her body, that was suspected of being used as a murder weapon.

The police found the injuries are around the head, and the neck on the victim’s body, they’d suspected, that the victim was hit by the butcher’s knife on the head, then, hacked to death.  They’d followed the blood trails, and found Tseng hidden out on the balcony without the railings, he’d sat, stood, and attempted to leap off.  The police immediately arrested him, found him to have lacerations on his head, took him to the hospital under custody, where he’d received twenty plus stitches, he’s not in life-threatening danger.

Based off of understanding, Tseng is diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder, suffers severely from auditory hallucinations, delusions, also severe depression, early yesterday morning, he’d heard a voice telling him to kill his mother and himself, wanted him to “murder her”, and saw a shadow that attached to his mother, which caused him to attack his own mother and himself; Tseng’s father already died, he and his mother were all each other had, and, the relatives knew that he’d had multiple records of hospitalizations, but he’d not taken his medications like he was supposed to.

And so, this, is what you get, when you have schizophrenia, left, untreated, you will have the hallucinations, the delusions, and this man probably won’t get charged with murdering his own mother and get punished for the crime, because of his mental disorder.

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Filed under Cost of Living, Life, Lives Lost, Loss, Mental Health Issues, Murder, On the Wrong Side of the Law, Properties of Life, Wrongful Deaths

Unwilling

On death and dying, based off of the Buddhist belief systems, translated…

After the Passing of My Father, in 2009, I’d, Become a Monk with the Fagu Mountain Foundations, Taking Care of My Father in His Aging, Demented Years, was that Gem that Remained in My Memories, But, it’d Made the Me Ten Years Later, Start This, Conversations that’s, Transcendental of, Time…………………

The Travel Bag I’d Packed for Dad

Tired from reading my books, so I’d, shifted my gaze to the photo of my father in that Christmas hat, his round face had a feeding tube into his nose, and that look of a child made my heart ached, smiled at me lightly, and I’d, replied back to him with a similar smile.

Before dad I always acted crazy, wanted him to laugh with me, to play, to finish EVERY single item to care for him.  I have NO clue how he would interpret his crazy daughter, but as I see my cherished old baby, I can’t help, but smile on, wanted to hug him, to kiss him every single day.  Looking at his face, asleep soundly like an infant, I can’t bear to leave his side, worried that if he didn’t see me when he woke, he’ll, cry again.  And, even though it was hard for me to let go, I must, if that day will come, I can only hope, that my depending-on-me-too-much dear old pops can, follow the steps of Buddha closely, to not get lost.  I kept on worrying, just continued, worrying…………………

illustration from UDN.com

圖/紅林

In a corner of my home, there was a small travel pack, that was prepared by me for my dad, the whole family knows it too.  There’s the quilt we will pull over his body, the Buddhist verses chanting machines, the phone number of the funeral home, a pair of his dress shoes that he’d worn regularly, for the sake of when that day comes, he can, leave it all behind, with nothing, holding him back.  Every time we were told he needed to get placed in the I.C.U., I’d always, take this small pack with me, or, as the phone rang during the middle of the nights, my eyes would, automatically, shift to where the travel pack was.

I was born too late, knew things a bit too late, and, all I could do for my father, is just, this.

I’d often thought, that if that day comes, for my father’s sake, I can’t cry, I can’t, have him leave this world with his worries of me, and he couldn’t hear that music that’s, guiding him toward nirvana, that I needed to, see him off, in smiles.  I have to, make myself stronger, learn to, hold back my own, tears—and yet, as I’d thought of all of this, tears, they came, out.

Where Can I Go, to Find Him

I wasn’t willing, if one day, I’m, never to see my father again, what shall I do?  There’s no place, where, can I go, to find him?  I think, I shall, cry at the end, I’m, a crybaby, just like dear old dad.  Even though, everybody says that illness is trying, the end is the release from the bodily tortures, but, it’s also, the start of a, hard and trying time of missing the ones we lost too much.

Time came and went like the flash floods, we became, so tiny, like those, sediment.  Turning around, everything is, no longer, as it once, had been, how many lifetime’s worth of affinity must there be, for us, to meet up in this, current life?  If we want to meet up, then, we will keep on, walking on those, eggshells, without a second thought, along with the mercies of all the gods, then, we will be given the chance, to be together, in one, lifetime.

Life is a journey, we are on that same train together, some get on early, get off early, everybody has a different time; husband and wife, father and daughter, siblings, no matter how deeply we’re all connected, no matter how much we love one another, everything will be gone, like a flash of, lightning, but everything we’d gone through, will settle in, inside that field of our own cognition, like those, Buddhist beads.  We should, cherish what time we have on the ride, to use the time we’re given, to give to others, to cherish those around us, then, we wouldn’t, let what we’d been given, the kindness, the mercies that we received in life, waste, away.

Everlight Thinks

In the endless karmic cycles, how many times we parted already?  The Buddhist verses told us, that the tears we’d shed in the karmic cycle from hate, love, overflowed the four seas, the bones we’d accumulated, already, surpassed the tallest of peaks.  I will, use the body my parents had endowed me, to follow the Buddhist path, to give to the world in all my lifetimes, to give back to, all on earth.

Yeah, this, is this woman’s will, she’d, lost her father, and, it’d made her realized, that life is, filled with, the uncertainties, and that drove her to want to give back to the people in the world, not just those whom she cared for, she has a grander kind of love, which grew out of the love for her own, families.

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Filed under Family Matters, Life, Loss, Old Age, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

The Air, My Friend

On what’s gone, and never coming back again, as MERS-CoV still, runs this world, despite how it seemed to be, slowing, down, the column by Jimmi Liao, translated, by me…

“Oh how I Missed Those Days When We Didn’t Need to Put on These Masks”…………

圖/幾米
the artwork of Jimmi Liao, courtesy of UDN.com

And, despite how the alert level had been, downgraded, the virus is still around, and it can attack us at any moment, anywhere, and so, we all must still, protect ourselves, and put these masks on when we go out, it’s for our own safety, as well as the safety of ours.

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Filed under Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Right to Life

Betrayed, by Her Death

He was, betrayed by her death (uh, as if she had a choice???), she was, supposed to be his one and only, and, he’d not, planned, to share her with anyone, or anything, death, included!

And yet, death got its, filthy hand on her, way before he ever could touch her…

Betrayed by her death, he’d felt, cheated, by her, but not by death, ‘cuz, that’s, the only way he has, of, preventing himself from feeling the guilt, so yeah, he’d, blamed her for it, when it wasn’t, even her fault!

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coming to collect, no, to CLAIM, your souls!!! Image from online

Betrayed by her death, that, is how it goes, isn’t it, with the living, blaming the D-E-A-D for leaving behind, all those things not said yet, all those, love not yet had, along with, those, never-ending, miles of, regrets that, paved that way…

Betrayed by her death, he was, abandoned as a young child, by his own mother, because she couldn’t give him a good life, so, she’d, given him up, and, not a day goes by, that she’d not, regretted that one choice she’d made from way back when.  And that, would be, two wishes, never fulfilled, because, now she’s, dead, and, so many things he wanted to say to her, the I love you, the how could you do this to me, the I hate you!

All of that, got lost, because he is, ultimately, betrayed, by her death, and, there’s, no closure for him ever………

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Filed under Awareness, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life

They’d Broken Up, & Drunk from the Drug Coffee Pouches, the Woman Died

The drugs still abused, despite how everything else is, halted, by MERS-CoV!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

As the outbreaks of MERS-CoV reached its height, the addicts didn’t care about the possibility of contraction, and still gone to the hotel rooms, to abuse the illegal substances together.  A woman, Chang, and a man, Song from Taoyuan met up at a motel to drink the drug filled drip coffee pouches, Chang fell into a coma, died, the police confiscated ten packs of drug coffee and arrested Song; the man, Hsieh and his girlfriend, Hsu in Hsinchu went to the motel to abuse ketamine, found by the police, they’d claimed, that they’d not used the drugs during the outbreaks, that they were having a relapse from the abuse, and desperately needed it, so they’d, gone to the motels to “fix” the problems on their own.

The police found, the twenty-three-year-old woman, Chang and the twenty-nine-year-old man, Song broke up, but still gone out on a drug date, late in the night on the second, they’d checked into a motel in Taoyuan; the following morning at around eight, Song found Chang in a coma, asked the motel staff to call emergency, Chang was in the hospitals, being resuscitated for five whole hours, and still, died.

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drug abuse doesn’t take a “holiday” because of MERS-CoV outbreaks here! Photo from online

That morning, as the police were notified by the hospital, they’d rushed to the motel, saw Song, and found two balloons with laughing gas for abuse, they’d had sexual intercourse, as the police told Chang’s body tested positive for amphetamine and ecstasy, that was when he’d admitted to abusing the drug coffee pouches, and turned the ten packs he had in his car to the police, claimed that Chang brought it wither from home.  The police rushed to Chang’s residence, and, confiscated one pack of drug coffee from her bedroom, and, charged Song on possession and drug abuse charges.

And, during the midnight hours of the seventh, the patrol officers were doing the rounds, passing a motel in Zhudong Township, found the thirty-two-year-old mal, Chang and the thirty-year-old woman, Hsu leaving, the police pulled them over, but found they’d looked, off, and demanded that they get out of the car to get scanned, and, the police found 1.5 grams of ketamine, and the plate used to cut the drugs.

The two claimed, that the karaoke, the bars, and other places they could go all got closed down, but the hotels, the motels were still open, they’d paid six hundred dollars N.T. to stay, and spent three hours abusing ketamine, they were both booked for drug possession charges.

And so, when you need it, you need it, and, because of the outbreaks, this will make it even harder, for someone who’s, in need of a quick fix, and that is what happened here, because these individuals needed a fix, and, all the other places are shut due to MERS-CoV, so they’d gone to the motels to abuse the drugs, and they still got caught!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Death by Negligence, Life, Lives Lost, Loss, Messed Up Values, Observations, Properties of Life, Substances Abuse, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

As Death, Approached…

He’d started, noticing death, wandering around and about, outside of, his doors, at first, he wasn’t, alerted one bit, he’s still, quite young, death couldn’t, come for him, not yet anyways!

As death, approached, he’d, shockingly realized, that it’s, coming, for me!!!  And he’d, flown, into, that frenzy, started off in panic mode: how can this be?  I’d been, very careful of my own health, no, that’s not it, it can’t be here, for me, I must be, mistaken…

hear his footsteps, getting closer, and closer, and closer yet…

查看來源圖片
photo from online

As death, approached, he’d grown, weaker, as death became, stronger by the day, lurking over his head, and now, he lay, in that, white-washed walled, hospital room, with every cell in his body, tuned in to, the fears that death made him feel.

As death, approached, he knew that there’s, NO escaping it, for, NOBODY lives, forever, and, he’d, started, slowly, accepting, that this could be, his own, end.  As death, approached, it’d, grazed him, left but, a scorch mark on his soul, but he’s still, breathing, so that’s, a sort of a blessing, isn’t it???

As death, approached, all of us, held our breaths in, hoping, praying, with our fingers crossed, that it wasn’t, here, for us, not just yet, but, death comes, to EVERY life, there’s, NO way of, escaping it!

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Filed under Expectations, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life