Category Archives: Loss

Passing Through, on a Bamboo Raft, a Poem

On burying one’s own, offspring, translated…

A Bamboo Raft, Like a Red Lotus Passed Through

Vanished, into the Fog

“Affinities of Children, Thin Like the Foams on the Waterfront”

So True These Words

Watching the Sunset Light Withering in the West

Time Has No Place Here

Memories Can’t Hide

The Awareness, Electric Shocked

Who isn’t, Like that Small Raft

Drifting in-Between Life & Death

Listening to the Heaviness of the Repentance of Love & Lust

With the Broken Bridges, Severed Off Streams, the Dying Smokes

And so, this, is finally, coming to one’s senses about the finality of life, because you’d lost the ones you loved when they were too young, and you are, still living, you’d, needed to, cope with losing the ones you cared for, loved, your, own young…

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Filed under Awareness, Because of Love, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Despair, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Story-Telling, the Finality of Life, Translated Work, Values

Dreams, that Fell, into the CRACKS of Reality…

There were, those, dreams, that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, that were, never seen, or heard of, ever again!  Where did they go?  Is there, a blackhole, that SUCKED the life out of all things that used to be alive, from this realm, to the next?

Dreams, that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, they got lost, in the tramples of the day to day, don’t you remember, a long, long, long, long, long time ago, back, when you were, way too innocent, to KNOW, that you can’t, live on dreams alone, what, did you want to be, when you “grow up”?  Now that you’re, all grown up, did you ever, got the chance, to pursue becoming whatever it was, that you wanted, to become as a kid?

this, is where those dreams will be found…photo from online…查看來源圖片

Dreams, that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, I’d, made that unmarked grave (you know, those mounds you see in those, vacant places around???) as their, final resting places, and, I’m sure, that NOBODY will, EVER come look for them again, so, I’d, still, gone to that burial site of all those dreams that fell, into the CRACKS of reality, to see them, to talk them, to hear them, tell of their, tales, of how someone (their “owners”???) used to love them, and cherish them so very much, until the person, grows up………

Dreams that, fell, into the CRACKS of reality, they will, continue, to fall into those cracks, and get buried alive, until one day, you look back, and realize, where those dreams, were lost in time, and by that time, you go and dig ‘em all back up, they would’ve, suffocated to death, as you’d, buried them alive, back when, you were, a whole lot younger.

Dreams, gone up in flames here…查看來源圖片photo found online…

 

 

 

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Filed under Cost of Living, Despair, Loss, Properties of Life, Reality Clashes with Dreams

Wanting to Grow Old with Children Accompanying

The trials someone faces toward the end of a loved one’s life, translated…

“We’d all wanted to hold our children’s hands, to watch them get older, but unfortunately, fate had other plans………” as Shu-Mei talked, she’d started, sobbing. She’d shared with the patients and the families, her own experiences, “Do we, or don’t we resuscitate?”, that is the final questions, that a lot of the terminally ill patients will face, it’s also, a heart wrenching memory for Shu-Mei, her husband had been gone sixteen years now, and yet, that intense heartache had, stayed.

Her husband was diagnosed with a rare condition when he was forty-six, he’d become bedridden for over a decade, and, couldn’t control anything, he’d already, become so discouraged, to the end, when he was on the respirators, he’d still had difficulties breathing, the doctor said, that only a tracheotomy can save his life, and, her husband wanted to die, and they’d, turned down the doctor’s offers, but, as their daughter came to see him with her five-month-old son, it’d, sparked his will to live again.

The doctor saw how he was hesitant, gave them three weeks to think about it, during which time, Shu-Mei lost a lot of weight, the whole family was living under this, dark cloud. If they’d decided to put him on a respirator, the patient will be living, off of the respirators; if they don’t, then, very shortly thereafter, he would die, he will, NEVER see her husband again. Shu-Mei was confused on what she should do, her husband asked her, “Do you want me to die?” She’d naturally not be willing to let him go, started crying, and became, silent, and respected whatever he’d, decided. It’s just, that during these years counting down toward death, he’d always worn his frowns, and, gotten stuck between life and death, don’t’ know if he’d, regretted it?

“Back then, the medication had yet to pass the coverage of the health insurance plans, it was very expensive, there were the expandable items of phlegm tubes, the diapers, the feeding tubes, the caretaker’s fees………”, Shu-Mei told me, even as her whole family started saving up, it wouldn’t be possible for them, to pay for his care, she’d needed to work days and nights, and his daughter part-time through school, and they’d needed monetary assistance from their families, friends, relatives every now and then too. For the years, the medical bills, she’d, stuffed them all inside a drawer, and after her husband passed, she’d started, sorting through them, and, the amount exceeded five million dollars, she could bought a house with the money saved up. “Although taking him off life support only took a total of fifteen minutes, but there’s, such a high price for it, and, as life continued, and the patient had, suffered, it’d also, put the loved ones under great duress.” Shu-Mei told me, the pain, got in too deep, into her heart, that it’d, slowly, suffocated her.

A woman in the support group, whose husband was ill, started, sobbing after she’d heard, she said that they’re currently, facing this difficult choice, especially that they didn’t have enough money saved up, and she worried that she’s not as strong as Shu-Mei had been. Another woman looked worried, that her husband just had an intubation, at the age of thirty-something, he’d, fallen very ill, her mother-in-law loved this youngest son the most, and couldn’t stand seeing him die, and even if her son can no longer call her mom, even if he’s kept alive by those machines, she was willing, to keep him alive. It’s just, that the wife found, that her husband, when his own mother wasn’t looking, he’d tried, to disconnect himself from life support, seeing how twisted and in pain her husband’s face became, she said, that there isn’t a day she hadn’t cried.

Shu-Mei patted her gently on the shoulders, and cried with her, “We all want to grow old with our children, having each other with, but, fate wouldn’t allow it”. If it’s already set, then, just live with it, everything shall pass eventually. Shu-Mei consoled with the woman in her support group.

This, is a hard issue to deal, to let go, or to keep hanging on, but, when the patient is suffering so much, it’s only the right thing to do, to unplug her/him off life support, but, a part of you just, wasn’t willing, to let someone you love die, and so, you have to, struggle hard over the matter, and, eventually, you will, realize, that letting the person you loved dearly die is the best choice, because, keeping the person alive, means prolonging their sufferings, and, nobody wants to see their loved ones suffer toward the end.

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Filed under Life, Loss, Memories Shared, Moral Responsibilities, Properties of Life, Right to Die, the Finality of Life

When You’re Far Away, My Thoughts Seem Astray

It’s like, you’re, in control of my thoughts, ‘cuz when you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they are lost, with no way, to get back home, to me again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, my thoughts drifted, to where you are, in the distance, leaving me, with nothing. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, no matter how I’d called out to them, they just, won’t come willingly home!

not my picture…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, oh, how I hate, to allow you, to plague my thoughts, and yet, I can’t, exorcise you out of my mind, no matter how hard I’d tried to. When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, and, I sit, in this, empty house, waiting, waiting, waiting, for hours on end, for my thoughts, and you, to finally, return again…

When you’re far away, my thoughts seem astray, they’d, flown toward where you are, and, no matter how loudly I’d screamed at them to come back, they won’t, not until, you’d, come home to me…………

When you’re far away, my thoughts seemed astray, and you’re now, very far from where I am, and, so, I’d, let go of my thoughts, figured, that they will, eventually come back to me, after they’d had enough of you, just like you’d always, come back to me again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Codependence, Dependency, Despair, Enmeshment, Life, Loss, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Fate of a Woman, Wake Up Calls

Hobbies, the Haiku of Light

Translated…

How I Loved

Collecting Everybody’s Laughter

So I Can Open it Back Up

On My Funeral

So, this, is how you want everybody to remember you after you’re gone, you don’t want others to mourn for you, instead, you wanted them, to remember the happier times you had shared with them, that, is a great way to leave a legacy behind.

and no, still NOT my photograph…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Expectations, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Values

Brought Up that Way

“You can’t blame him”, she’d told, all her friends, as they all showed their condolences toward how she got that shiner on her eye, along with those bruised cheeks, again!

Brought up that way, that, was the sorry excuse that she’d used, to rationalize why he would take the downs of his life out on her!  Brought up that way, excusing his bad behaviors, how long, can you keep on, lying to yourself?  I know how much you wanted to believe in his FALSE promises of how he’ll change, how he will NEVER lay a hand on you, but, by NOT taking actions against HIS abuse, you’re only, getting yourself deeper…

Brought up that way, you’d been, using that, to EXCUSE his bad behaviors, and how many times had he hit you?  Gosh, I dunno, let me C-O-U-N-T………Brought up that way, yeah, so, let’s, examine the situations, shall we?  So, based off of that way of logic, shouldn’t ALL men who were raised under abuse, BE abusive?  But, NOT all MEN raised by abuse are abusive to their spouses (although the occurrences of abuse is higher, than the occurrences of not!).

Brought up that way?  So, I can BEAT the SHIT out of someone, when I feel awful about me, if I saw my father, beating on my mother every single night of my childhood?  Or, can I say those “accidental” hurtful words to you, because I heard daddy, yelling those mean things to mommy, and, they actually thought, that I was, already, asleep, as their arguments occurred, LATE in the nights?

Stop making excuses already, brought up that way?  Yeah, I too, WAS raised up by VERBAL, EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL abuses, as well as SEXUAL molestations, and for that, I’d taken it all out, on my D-O-L-L-S, ‘cuz they can’t fight BACK, so, don’t tell me I don’t know SHIT ‘bout scapegoating here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Excuses, Family Dynamics, Lives Lost, Loss, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

Hiring Adolescent Girls to Strip Online, Only Pays Them $8000N.T. a Month

Because???  Oh yeah, SEX still SELLS!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Chien was suspected of working with an agency and illegally recruited twenty-six young men and women to work as strip reporters, and hold webcam conferences with the clients completely nude, and, the workers got scammed by the layers, and, only managed to get paid just three-percent of what the audiences paid to the company; some of the employees changed their minds about working there, and were threatened to get exposed if they don’t keep on working by the agency, some wanted a name-brand bag, and, had webcam conferences with clients with her top off, and only managed to receive a little over $8,000N.T.s for working a little over a month.

The Detective Department two nights ago, separated into teams, went to Kaohsiung, Yilan, Changhwa, Chiayi, Tainan, and Pingdong, etc., etc., etc., the studios, as well as the members’ residences, arrested Chien and the twelve agents, they’d confiscated the computers, the tactic manual, along with other times, the police booked the individuals based off of laws against sex trade of children, human trafficking,, and other laws; the police said that of the twelve agents, one of them was a transgendered person, and, of the twenty-six underage platform sex news reporters, at least two of them were just teens.

The website runs on memberships, and, there were over four hundred strip reporters, and the one-on-one sessions with the news casts via webcam or by phone sex would cost $2N.T.s a minute, and one sex reporter to multiple audience is $5N.T per minute, and for the top off, completely nude, topless, sexually illicit behaviors, the website would change anywhere from $500N.T. to $1,500N.T.s, the station would earn anywhere from four, to five million dollars N.T. per month, but the agency, and the website took about ninety-seven percent of the total earned, and only three percent would be given to the strip reporters.

And so, IF you have a brain, then, you’d see, that it’s NOT a good deal, after all they’re asking you to go all O-U-T in front of a CROWD, and, what do you get?  Almost NOTHING, compared to how much the agents are getting, and this is still happening because???  Oh yeah, SIMPLE economics: supply AND demand?  Hello, hello, hello?  Sex still SELLS, but the cash goes into the pockets of, NOT those who are topless, and, that, is just what you get, if you’re DUMB enough, to think that it’s EASY money!

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Filed under Abuse of Power, Bad Behaviors, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Innocence Lost, Loss, News Stories, Scams, Sex Sells