Category Archives: Loss

I am NOT Damaged…

Mind you!  I am NOT damaged here!  Just because someone forced himself onto me, and no, I still did NOT ask for it here, that doesn’t mean that I DESERVED it!

I am NOT damaged, it took me, a very long time, to finally know, it wasn’t, my fault, and took me even longer, to finally make my self accept what had happened to me.

I am NOT damaged, that’s the term, ascribed to the victims, and I’m still NO “vic”, I’d, survived already.  I am NOT damaged, you can see me as whatever the @#$% (maxed out!) you want to see me as, it don’t matter, ‘cuz I know HOW I came into “being”, I know what made me into who I am, and nothing can, replace that!

walking through the fires, and surviving it! Illustration from online

I am NOT damaged, so, don’t EVER, pity me, I got ZERO need for those shits, and if you want to pity someone, pity yourselves, for your lack of education, for your ignorance.

For not all of us, who’d, survived through these, serious SHITS in our separate lives, deserved any of your, pities, not all of us, enjoy playing that role of the vic, besides, got NO need for all that, unwanted attention in my life.

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Filed under From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Life, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

DADDY by Kristin Garth — Punk Noir Magazine

PATTY GIDDIS                                                                Inbox – iCloud  3:23 am   Fine let’s talk this way   To:  mgiddis@aol.com   Daddy,   Maybe this way you won’t hang up on me again or worry about my roommate knowing my sordid secret.  She’s not even here to peek over my shoulder at what I’m typing – actually would never […]

DADDY by Kristin Garth — Punk Noir Magazine

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Awareness, Children Murdered, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Choices, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Everyone Else's Fault, Excuses, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Incest, Interactions Shared with the World, Life, Losing Sight of What's Important, Loss, Love Became Murder, Memories Shared, Messed Up Values, Negligence, Nowhere Is Safe, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, White Picket Fence

The Next One Will be Better

Caught him cheating, and so, it’s, break up time!  Translated…

The summer evenings, with that, smoky, scent and the breezes so gentle, I’d asked the person I was into to a date at Bitan, and it was getting late, I’d worried, that he couldn’t make the final trains, I’d told him to, go ahead.  Normally, it was me who watched her leave, but this time, he’d told, “every time I’d left before you, this time, I will, watch you go then.”, the two of us stood still at the gates, and I couldn’t, turn him down, and so I’d, told him, to be safe on his way home tonight.

It was midnight, as I was ready to pick up my scooter to ride him, I’d bumped into my professor who was just getting out of a dinner party. We’d chatted for a bit, as I’d, ridden out, readied to go home, I saw the passenger riding on the back of the electric scooter, she looked, more and more, familiar, and I was shocked to realize, that it was my date who’d said she will see me off first; at this time, he’d wrapped his arms around the waist of another man, the two were laughing and talking together.

It was like the primetime soap scripts, I was, shocked, afterwards I’d called him up, and he’d admitted that he had, many whom pursued him, that I was, merely, one of the, many.  I got angry, and stopped all contacts with him, I’d told my friend about this, and he’d only smiled and responded, “thank heavens you found out early, the next one will be, better!”, I’d clasped my hands together, “Grateful I am to you, professor, you’re, with all the, foresights I needed!”

And so, had you not bumped into your professor on that night, you wouldn’t have been delayed, and had you not been delayed, and you wouldn’t have caught your boyfriend with another guy, and so, it was bumping into your professor, that was exactly what fate ordered for you, to find that your boyfriend was, a cheat!

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Filed under Homosexuality, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Life, Loss, Properties of Life, Unrequited Love, Wake Up Calls

Fresh Flowers on His Grave

Fresh flowers on his graves, but, it wasn’t, from her, she’d not “visited” him, she’d been, ill herself!

So, who put those flowers there, huh?  She became, curious.

Fresh flowers on his grave, perhaps, she imagined, those little birdies collected the flowers, made them into a ring, and, dropped it here for him (like in those, Disney Princess stories???)…

like this…

photo from online

Fresh flowers on his grave, she’d started wondering, who else do they know, who’d, do such a thing, and she can’t think of anyone, and, she’d let her imagination get the better of her: maybe, he’d had an affair without my knowledge, and the flowers were from, her?  No, not likely, he’d come home, every night, smelling like the factory, no scent of perfume, she’d recalled.

Fresh flowers on his grave, I’d gone to visit him, to give him the updates of my goings on, and, I’d, kissed my hand, and, put my hand down on his headstone, to pass that kiss to him from my hand.

After placing that fresh bundle of flower, I’d, picked up the old ones, and tell his headstone, I’ll, see you, in two week………

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Filed under Because of Love, Life, Loss, Memories Shared, Observations, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

On the Way to the Library

What this walk around the school brought you, understanding of life, wisdom, and a bit of the scents of, letting go, even???  Translated…

It was the springtime when the outbreaks started back up again, the stage three alert that’s taken over this city made everything quiet, and slower paced.  The dormitory that’s been listed as a cultural asset, fell silent, after the rain underneath the blue skies as well; after all, it’s a place you really wanted to go, you’d felt lighter in your, steps then.  Based off of the beliefs of the experts, “walking is the best form of defense against contraction”, as the alerts of the outbreak came on again, you’d come to the campus of this school to walk, using your status of an alumnus to enter the school’s libraries.

At that time, the tracks of the contracted gained widespread attention, seeing the messages of the groups of LINE: “I’d researched the tracks of the contracted, found, that none went to the bookstores, the libraries………so, the safest place during this outbreak is places with the books………”, I can’t help but grinned, am I glad, that these are, my most frequent hangouts?  Nope, but, being stuck in the boredoms of the outbreaks, I had, needed, that good laugh!  Borges stated, “I’d always imagined heaven to be some sort of a large library”, for you, heading into the libraries, it’s a temporary escape out of the nitty-gritties of the kitchen, the household chores that bogged you down, giving you that time alone you loved to enjoy on your own the most.

Resting in the libraries, you’d hoped to call out the various times, becoming someone else, it’s a sort of a cross between reality and fantasy.  The trees green after the rain, glowed that fresh new green of leaves, suddenly, Virginia Woolf’s word came, “the women needed the escort or the recommendation letters from the college researcher to enter into the libraries”, that was written back in 1920, showed of how sexist the British society was back then, today, it seemed, funny, and odd, but you’d, examined your own passages of growth, noted the tracks that remained on your life from the patriarchy too.  Here, you’d once, bumped into a group of outstanding young ladies, helping each other grow, in the enlightenment of learning, so youthful, the students mostly came to study here, due to their families’ expectations, “there will be fitting jobs for women after you graduate”, was the persuasions for you all.  Thirty years came and went quickly, once you were so obedient, so passively in accepting whatever handed to you, and now, do you, love yourselves, a little, more than those who came before?

illustration from UDN.com

My dear, as you say your prayers, who do you pray for first?  The freedom of thought in age, already returned our own brains back to us, but, in the unawareness, our spirits, still got bound by the social roles, the labels.  You’d walked up those heavy steps, the mirror in the grand hall was the first thing you saw, like it was the first time you ever saw it, but, that reflection, reminded you of just how hard time had left its tracks on you.  The gentle breezes brought the fresh scent of the grasses, before the ladies’ dorms, the yearly bloom of the gardenias, familiar, yet, quite, distant, the dreamy color of the eggs, felt distant, and like a dream to you, and, you were reminded of that older schoolmate who ws kind, and warm, she’d, stayed in her marriage, guarded by the laws, in actuality, she was left alone in a marriage with that cheating husband, raised up her children alone on her own, in the decades of time, the malignant tumor started taking over her, and, spread through the seasons, as she’d found the tumors last spring, in a few short months, she’d, gone, and you couldn’t say your proper farewell to her in the outbreaks.

The times pushed you forward, the gardenias covered in raindrops stay scented.  The days shadowed over by the outbreaks, how much the world had, changed, in the tempo and rhythm of nature, you can still find back that constant, that, calm, and so as you’d hummed “To Oneself at Fifty”: “We shall keep on trekking, keeping moving forward…………hearing those sounds that had been, etched deep in our, hearts………”, you’d found, that even with the mask on, tears falling down, you can still, smile, there are still something worth you expecting, something joyous in being, alive.

And so, this, is on the passages of our lives, we are all hit hard by the outbreaks, with the different lifepaths we travel on our own, and, some of us may have it easy, some, hard, but that’s just how life is, everybody is different, and yet, we’re, all the same.

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Filed under Connections, Life, Lives Lost, Loss, Observations, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

Those Who Were Left by the Suicides of Their Loved Ones, Offering the Prayers, & the Blessings

On suicide, the families left behind, and how they can, start to heal, after sorting out the reasons of why they’d lost their loved ones to suicide, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The suicide of the famous person caused media attention, but this is just, the ripples from the classic and ordinary suicide in the society, people wanted to know “why?”, hoping to have an answer for the events that had, occurred.  For instance, the online community commented that if the families stayed by the side of the individual, then, maybe, it could be, prevented, or the discussions of how we can, accompany those with love who had been diagnosed with depression, how do we get them to therapy, to get them to take their medications?  Could the suicide have been prevented, if we’d managed the symptoms of depression well enough?

All of these beliefs, aimed at some sort of psychological control of what we couldn’t have controls over, through the linear cause and effect, B caused A, if we take B away, then, A wouldn’t, happen, and it seemed, that we would be, in control, and we get that sense of, security in our minds then.

In truth, there’s no direct and simple cause of suicides, only the multiple risk factors, and the protective factors, with a higher number of risk factors, then, the chances of suicide increase greatly, like major psychological illnesses, alcoholism, substance abuse, despair of impulsivity, unemployment or loss of assets, and how the act of seeking help is mislabeled; the protective factors, on the other hand, can help lower the risks of suicide, like getting into treatment physically or psychologically, the support of the families, the society, faith, etc., etc., etc.  And yet, no matter how hard we tried to prevent, suicides still happen, and it would have an everlasting effect on those who were left behind, the “remaining population” of the suicides.

And, we often think of the families of the individuals who’d committed suicide, but, there’s a wider spectrum of those who were affected, including those who bore witness to the suicide, the friends, relatives, classmates, coworkers, neighbors, the medical professionals who took care of the individuals who’d died.  For instance, I’d once heard the survived of suicide individuals shared, that as the therapist of the individual who’d committed suicide had been notified, the therapist was shocked, “how can this be, the last two times I saw her/him, s/he was okay”, and this showed, how shocked and how the therapist couldn’t accept the death of the patient.  And, the past researches showed, that as the media overreported on the events, it may cause the modeling effect.  Those who learned of the suicide first hand or by word of mouth, who are directly or indirectly affected by the events, are all the more generalized “survivors of suicides”.

The trauma reaction to the news of suicides, the memories with the individuals who’d committed suicide, the support and interactions of the individual with their loved ones, reviewing over ones’ own life experiences, etc., etc., etc., all of these may be the experiences of the survivors of suicides.  And, anybody who’d been affected by a suicide can do the following to care for oneself:

First, find someone who will listen and accompany you, to tell the individual about how the suicide impacted you, how it’d made you feel.  As a therapist, I’d reminded the families who are survived to find someone who listens, who can accept all the reactions to the griefs, to the losses, someone who won’t jump in to give the advices too soon.

Secondly, the survivors can get involved into the groups relating to the survivors of suicides, for instance, the Care Foundation for the Survivors of Suicide, finding the FB of this particular association, you can get the needed resources (for instance, the video files, the illustrated books/articles on the matter), there are also opportunities to be with those who’d experienced the loss from a suicide of a loved ones, to seek out the emotional and social support of a shared experience.

Third, the survivors can also consider therapy, the therapists will try and help the individuals to find the means that works for the persons singly, to cope with the enormous losses of your lives.

Finally, in the clinical work we are doing, through the creations of various means, or giving to others, it helps the survivors find the meanings, for instance, writing or art, gardening, or immersing oneself into the volunteer services, etc., etc., these are what the families of suicides mentioned had helped them out.  It’s not easy to reconstruct ourselves after we’d lost someone to suicide to death, but, it’s not impossible.  So, let’s use our own ways, to help send the prayers and the blessings to those who are left behind by their families, for those who’d weathered through the suicides of their loved ones.

And so, this is on helping those families who’d lost someone to suicide heal, and this is a very hard process to manage, because death is never easy, especially when someone you loved chose to take her/his own life, for whatever reasons there may be, and, you may wonder why, and get stuck, because you will never find the answer to why, because the only one who can answer that question had already gone, and, you will have to, pull yourself out of that deep dark hole, but with the help of the support groups mentioned, or the therapy sessions, you can, walk out of this.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Healing Process, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, the Finality of Life, Values

The Mother, Careless, Wrapped Up the Fetus She’d Given Birth to, Mistaken it as a Stillborn, Tossed the Baby Out the Window, Sentenced to Two Years in Prison

Given that the woman is mildly mentally retarded, that’s why she wasn’t charged with murder, nor given a harsher sentence, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

A mildly retarded woman, Chu gave birth to an infant girl at her own home, she’d not heard her baby cried, and thought she was a stillborn, wrapped her up in a plastic bag, tossed her out of the window, to the rain roof, as the infant’s body rotted out and started giving off a rancid smell, that was when the infant was discovered.  The coroners conducted an autopsy, and found that as the infant was born, she was still alive, the Tainan District Court found that the woman was negligent, considered how she’s incapacitated mentally, and couldn’t have the abilities to problem-solve, sentenced her on death by negligence, gave her two years in prison, this can be appealed.

Chu gave birth twice, and got pregnant again, two years ago in November, she’d given birth to an infant girl in her own bathroom, wrapped the infant in a plastic bag, tossed her out of the third-story window to the second-floor rain roof; the infant’s body started rotting away, the homeowner received a complaint from the tenants, that there was the dead body of an animal, found someone to clean it up, and they’d discovered it was the body of the infant.  The coroners autopsied the infant, found that she wasn’t given the necessary measures of care, and got wrapped into a plastic bag to dispose of, causing her to die of respiratory failure.

The coroners claimed, that the as the infant girl was born, the umbilical cords was attached to her placenta, if the cord wasn’t severed, patting the back gently, to help the infant girl spit out what was stuck inside, and as the air entered into the lung, she would start to cry, but Chu had ripped the placenta out, the air didn’t get into the infant’s lungs, she couldn’t possibly cry.

The coroners stated, that the infant could receive the oxygen from the placenta, and lived for half an hour more, the autopsy showed that the internal organs looked different to those internal organs of stillborns, and deducted that the infant girl was not a stillborn, that her death was caused by the improper care after birth.

Chu’s attorney claimed, that Chu saw her daughter not made a peep, smacked her bottom and she’d stayed unresponsive, she’d mistaken her as a stillborn, and worried that others may misunderstand, and because of her mental incapacitations, she’d worried that others may misunderstand the situation, and couldn’t come up with a better solution to deal with the problems or to seek help from outside, asked the courts to give her probation.

The courts noted, that this was Chu’s third birth, she should have enough awareness of the neonatal care procedures that’s needed for her own daughter, and saw her daughter as a stillborn because she failed to cry, she’d used such a rash means to handle the matter, that she was negligent, that she needed to be placed into a correctional facility to learn what she did wrong, and in the interrogations by the police, she’d not mentioned that she’d patted the infant girl’s back and buttocks, only stated it in the trials, there’s questions on her statements; but because she was mildly mentally retarded, she may have a limited ability to cope with the problems, and admitted to what she did, so the courts sentenced her to two years.

And, this infant would’ve been alive, had she been born to a mother who is healthy, and “normal”, but because this woman was mildly mentally retarded, she couldn’t make the right judgment calls, and that’s why her daughter died, and because of her negligence, that’s what caused the infant to die, and considering how her state of mind, being mentally retarded may have affected her judgment, the courts only gave her a two year sentence, which is quite light.

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Filed under Bad Behaviors, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Cost of Living, Death by Negligence, Loss, Negligence, Tragedies in the World, White Picket Fence

En-En’s Father’s, Unanswered, Call

How the CENTRAL government’s set up for the whole defense against MERS-CoV went bust, and it runs down the line, to the local government levels, to causing the lives of young children to get lost, the IMPOTENCE of this DDP government, and there’s nothing WE the people can do about it!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The toddler, from Zhonghe, “En-En” died of contraction, the father kept prying and prodding the city how why was it that no help ever came to the family, as they’d dialed up emergency services.  He’d questioned the two “empty time frames”: of one, he’d called up the 1922 hotlines for help, and yet, the central government took a total of 143 minutes to “horizontally connect”; secondly, he’d called 199 to the Hsinbei Fire Department Emergency Services, and yet, it took his child a wait of eighty-one minutes to finally get taken away in an ambulance.

The child died, and the parents needed the facts, this was what made “En-En’s” father angry.  But, after the many days of calling, calling, calling in to the government offices, he seemed to not get closer to the truth.  The city of Hsinbei first used the “right to privacy”, to not allowed him to have the recorded call; later on, the government’s press conference stated that it was only, a “model”.  And, what the father could feel, is probably how the entry level workers of the local government’s giving him the run-around.

The responses of the 1922 hotline is even more, ambiguous.  The CDC’s explanations, too simplistic, there’s no records of the calls getting transferred to the various agencies on record as proof, the families entered into that labyrinth with the fog.  What’s funny was, the 1922 had, labeled itself as “expert in MERS-CoV defense”, with call availabilities in and out of the country, twenty-four seven in operations; but in that moment of need, the CDC claimed, that the 1922 hotlines does NOT have the powers to get the ambulance or the taxis sent, it’d, evaded ALL its, responsibilities.  Meaning, that in this sort of a case we should just, all dial, 119, is that it?

The young child, En-En was only the FIRST child who’d died in all of Taiwan, it was April 14th, there were only a little more than 800 confirmed contraction cases that day; but, due to the lacking of the government agencies, the country fell into, that, huge, mess.  And now, there’s, a total of SEVENTEEN children deaths of contraction of MERS-CoV but, the child, En-En’s loss of life, and what caused the delays is still, fogged up, and the 1922 hotlines is still, not working well enough.  And now, the government that’s been, exaggerating on its, achievements in the defense against the outbreak, falls, silent.

And that, is how this government of this country is, completely, USELESS, in serving we the people, and from this, we learn, that we can’t count on the government, to provide the emergency services that we are in need of during the outbreaks, and so, those of who fall into, critical condition from contracting the virus should just, go HIDE out underneath our separate covers, and wait for Mr. Ripper, G!

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Filed under Abuse of Power, Burying One's Own Child, Death by Negligence, Government, Policies, & Politics, Life, Lives Lost, Loss, Observations, Properties of Life, Right to Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence, Wrongful Deaths

That Child Who’d Not Died, in War, a Poem

On how the children in the population, the most innocent people of ALL, are hit, the hardest, in the wars between the countries, translated…

Because the Father Who Survived, Still Held onto His Tiny Body

Because the Father Who Survived, Still, Kissed Him on the Cheeks

Because the Father Who Survived Still, Whispered into His Tiny Little Ears, Telling Him the Secrets

Because the Father Who Survived Still Looked Carefully, Upon His Tiny Eyes Shut Tight, Using His Tear

Using His Love—I Knew

from the war in Syria, photo from online

This Won’t be the Final Time in His, Life

I Know

He’s, Still, Alive

As are, All the Young Children of War

They’re All to, NEVER, Die in the Wars

I am, the Father of Two

And so, this, is how wars impact everybody who is living in it, whichever side you’re on, you will, suffer these losses, maybe not directly related to you, because you’re lucky for now, that nobody you love died already, but, all around you, there’s, DEATH, despair, and seeing those who’d lost their own young to the wars that the people never selected to fight, it’s just, unfair, but what can you do?  Nothing, you can, do nothing.

here’s the latest, children of war in the Ukrainian-Russian conflicts…

their faces still, very, innocent…photo from online

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Filed under Awareness, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Poetry, Properties of Life, Right to Life, Social Awareness, Tragedies in the World, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

The Love that Came to the Rescue, in Time

The one, who’d, helped showed the person the light when she’s enveloped in darkness, someone who’d, touched the lives of those whom she came into, contact with, translated…

I’d retired from my teaching career for over three years now, and every time I thought of the connection I shared with my department head, Yang, I would be filled up with a ton of, gratitude.

Recalling how thirty years back, as I transferred to the school to teach, Yang the department head of teaching affairs handed me a box of sweets, told me to take it home to give to the kids.  The gentleness of her nature, she’d, immediately, settled my uncertainty.  Back then, my children were still quite young, as I got caught in the difficulties of not knowing how to get through to them, Yang gave me the tips, as I’d solicited for her advice.

There was a time when my child had the chickenpox, and started itching like crazy, Yang drove her car to my home at night, and, brought me a huge bag of Indian borage, something that stops the itch instantly.  To this day, my son who’d grow taller than us still recalled, that on the night he was ill, how Yang became like Santa Claus, brought a back of, magical herbs, and, hung it on the doorknob outside our home!

In 1998, my father died abruptly, being the eldest daughter, I was, flustered, and flew into a panic, not known how to sort through his, final affairs, and instinctively, Yang my department head came to mind.  I’d dialed her number, and tears came flowing down, and her voice gave me that strength.  Not long after that, as my father’s body was lifted to the funeral home, I’d found, that she was already, among those who were, reciting the prayers for the passing already.

After she retired, Yang still continued her giving, and, entered into the volunteer crew of Tzu-Chih Hospital, and she’d, helped all of those who are close to her, feel the warmth, and gain some wisdoms through interacting with her.

And so, this is, the woman who lit up your life, who offered you the needed emotional/psychological, and the physical forms of support when you’d needed, and, you are, blessed to have met someone who is kind, giving, and gentle in your life.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Helping Behaviors, Kindness Shown, Lending a Helping Hand, Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life