The Miscalculation of Weight Gain that Will Help Me Fit into Those Dresses Perfectly

No matter how beautiful they all are, if you can’t fit into them, they’re still, scraps, and finally, you’d decided, to donate these dresses you loved for all these years, to someone who may find use for them, translated…

It’d made me feel, regrettable, as I’d opened up my wardrobe, saw those classic, elegant, good quality dresses.  As I was younger, I’d loved dressing up pretty, and enjoyed going to the couture shops to shop, once I got into a high-end couture store that was hosting a sale, and, these few dresses are from my carefully selecting from the racks.

I was only in my thirties, and these dresses seemed, a bit, old-fashioned in style, and they were, a bit, too large for me then, but I’d still told myself, that I got a good bargain for the cost, that maybe they would NOT fit me now, but, as I grew older, into midlife, and gained some weight, then, they will fit me, perfectly!

All the way home, I was, gloating, grinning ear to ear, at my gains, and, saw myself in those, dresses, how elegant I would, appear.  As I got home, I’d, gloated to my husband about what I did.

like this??? Photo from online

“Yeah, they look great, but how do you know for a FACT, that you will, gain weight later on in life?  And besides, maybe, you would change your taste in style by then?”, he’d lightly, poured, that glass of cold water, all over my, parade then.

And, he was half right.  I’d, waited until I’m past sixty, still not gained any extra weight, instead, due to the loss of my muscle mass, I kept at forty-five, forty-six kilograms prior to age fifty, and now, I’m, defending forty-two.  And, although, these dresses still won’t my taste contest, but they’d, drifted, farther, farther, and farther away from where I am now!

Back then I thought I was, “preparing for my future”, and now, it’d become, a “waste of resources”.  Gazing upon those few dresses that I’d kept for more than thirty years, although they still appeared, brand new, but the unchanged fact was, “I can’t wear them”, and there’s nobody I can give them to; I’d made my mind up, I shall, donate them tomorrow then!

And, it’d been told, that “dreams are what keep us alive”, and, yet, a lot of things, they don’t go, as we, planned.  Year after year, I’d often imagined, “one day, I shall, put these, beautiful dresses on me”, I’d dreamed this dream for more than thirty years, and, although, the dreamer still, woke up, but, these more than 10,000 days of dreaming on, I suppose, it was, worth what these, dresses had, cost!

And so, this, is how something you thought that were, too pretty to lose, that you’d kept forever (literally!), still end up as, useless, because you hadn’t gained the weight that you thought you would gain in midlife, and so now, you let these items go, but the images of you, fitting perfectly in those, dresses you loved so very much, shall stay forever fresh, in your, mind.

The Earth IS, My Belief, a Night Prayer

How we are all, participants, to help slow down the effects of, global warming, starting with NOT using the once plastic eating utensils when we get our foods to take out, and bringing our own, shopping bags to the marts when we go purchase things we are in need of, and, if enough people are onboard this “plan” to reduce the plastic trash, then, maybe, global warming won’t happen so fast, translated…

There is, NO mercy in the world Darwin’s discovered, the scientists told, that the Polar Icecap is, melting down massively, that by 2040, the polar bears are going to be, a thing of the, past, and, we humans will only be able to, sail on the ark, on what used to be the continents, to get away the salted bodies of, water.

and, here’s a chart of what we can do!

to help REDUCE the OUTPUT of trash that can’t be recycled, or reused again!

The droughts, the major floods, the hurricanes of Godzilla grade, the wildfires that raged like the hell that burned, are they, the signs of warning from up above, or, was it, from the greed of, man.  The prophets, the scientists, already predicted what awaits us, is it too late, to repent?  Do give us a little more time, please?  The Kyoto Agreements became, bedtime stories, but, look at the giant wind-powered fans by the seaside, the Tesla driving all over the, streets, proving, that we are now, hearing, your, S.O.S.

Although, you are our Mother Earth, but, from this day forward, I shall, love you, like you were, my child, carrying the water bottle, shopping bags, and, seeing those, unrecyclable garbage that won’t get dissolved through the passing of time, as a great malice, thou shalt not shop online is my Eleventh Commandment now, I shall, sing that praise for you, the miracle of Universes, Amen!

And so this is what one person is, doing, for our planet, and not everybody IS onboard, but, if more people are onboard with this plan of not using the used once plastic things (i.e. bags, forks, knives, spoons), and start bringing their own eating utensils to the restaurants, or, take the foods out, without the extra shopping bags, the plastic eating utensils, we can, greatly reduce the amount of TRASH we are making on earth, and hopefully, that’ll, lessen the strains on the environment a bit, only if, WE all, participate in this, one person’s doing this won’t be enough!

Every Child is Happy in the Amusement Parks

On how cruel the parents can be, without themselves, knowing it, abandoning US, their own FLESH-and-BLOOD!  And yet, we still all, grew, UP…translated…

I still loved taking my children to the Children’s Amusement Park.

As my father was younger, he too, might have understood this also.

It was mildly cooler on that day, thinking back, I suppose that it was at the time when autumn is about to, head into, winter.  The reasons for it, unknown, to me then.  One day as I got up, my father and my mother discussed something in a quiet voice, then, he’d told me to come with him.

That was a day of school, as I recalled, so, why didn’t he bring my younger brother too?

I was staying quiet, and focused on staying quiet, uncurious, but, I was, secretly worrying, that my father was, taking me to sell me off to someone.

what the, amusement park ride looked like to this man when he was only a young boy…photo from online

The drive wasn’t a short one, I’d no longer recalled if I’d shared conversations with my father or not, and, even if I had, I’m sure, I’d only spoken, a few, words, back when my father was younger, he’d not known how to talk to his children.

And finally, we got off the freeway ramps, and it was surprising to me as he’d pulled into the parking lot, the colors of the rainbow came into sight, it was, the rambunctious, loud, Children’s Amusement Park.

Don’t know if anybody recalled the “Tien-Yuan Villa of Doliou”.

My father bought us the fares, and, stuffed a hundred or was it two hundred dollars in my hand (back then, that was, a whole lot of money), told me to go into the park to play, to get myself something to eat if I get hungry.

He’d told me, “before the park closes in the afternoon, I will come, and pick you up.”

And at that moment, I’d understood, that my father took me to get babysat at the Children’s Amusement Park on the day.

How grand was that, I tried hard, to hold back my grin, as my father looked, very serious then.

Shortly, my father sped off, and the old woman who was watching the gates close by, didn’t say a single word.

I’d entered into the park, recalled how I had a ton of, fun, gone on every single right, it was cool, the weather, but I’d, sweated a whole lot on the day.

When I suddenly felt hunger, it was past noon, I bought a corndog, had an orange soda, burped a few times, I felt more than, happy and, satisfied.

what childhood is like, for most of us…photo from online

I’d stuffed myself then, time for the Haunted House, I’d not dared entered since I got there in the early morn.

I saw a couple, who were, smiling very radiantly as I was standing in line, looked like they were, checking into a motel or something.

Thinking back, it was, quite, metaphorical, that a couple entered into a haunted mansion together.

They may get married in the future, and, maybe, they will become, someone’s parents, and, bumped into a ton of, scarier things than ghosts, and some of which will probably be too hard for them to handle, but, so long as they still shared the love, they will probably be able to, laugh, about it.

I’m scared of ghosts, and couldn’t even, open my eyes, and just, clung on to that older girl’s shirttail all the way, thankfully, she’d not found me a nuisance, she was like a mother, held me close, gently.

Don’t worry, it’s all, fake, she’d, told me.

Exiting the Haunted Mansion, I’d passed the couple by, don’t know why, I’d started, feeling, something weird.

I’d felt, very, alone, so suddenly.

Lost my sense of play then, just, sat on the benches, by the, trash can, watching the people go to and from, envied how they were laughing, and crying too.

As the evening came, I’d not noted that it had, until the song “Goodnight” by the singer came on, chasing the visitors, out.  As the skies grew dark, everybody was then, exiting, I’d started worrying then, worried over time, and, I’d, waited and waited, and waited, until, there was, absolutely, NOBODY else around, then, I’d, stumped, outside.

The elderly woman who was watching the gates, smiled and saw me off, still, without a single, word.

I’d turned around for one last look, the amusement park was then, taken over by darkness, without the sounds of joys, or the, color, and I’d felt, that the amusement park is also, lonely, that what she wanted, wasn’t to say goodbye to me, but for me, to go in again, to be with her.

Maybe, the Children’s Amusement Park WAS, the loneliest place on earth, so, that’s why, people always go there, together.

I’d waited for my father outside, tired, and cold too, the skies was completely, darkened, to the color of the blood, red, the car drove off one by one, the crowds, left, to the point, that I could, no longer, see my own, self anymore.

As my father’s headlights showed, the skies had, lost color completely then, even the elderly woman who kept the gates had gone home already.

Ahhhhhh!  Closed so soon!  He’d gotten out, and, blurted out this, lie.

I’d, believed him.

At the time, I still had two younger brother, and could understand it, the every parent had a different mode of making their, marriage work, but, they were all like, the Children’s Amusement Park, bitter, lonely, and in pain on the inside.

Until I became all grown up, with children of my own, I’d still prayed, that every child, when they were taken to the Children’s Amusement Parks, they are, happy.

And so, this, is how we all, grew up, being, abandoned by our parents, physically, and/or, psychologically/emotionally, because, our parents are all, ill-fitted, unequipped, to “handle” their own young, US, and that, is how children lose their, innocence, in their, younger years, without them ever, realizing that they had already been, “stolen”…

Memories, Getting Torn, Down

Memories, getting torn, down, let’s, paint it over, ‘cuz these memories grew, too, god damn, old, they’re, such, eyesores already…

Memories, getting torn, down, let’s, just, get rid of, all of these, eyesores.  Oh wait, you can’t, you had yet to, sort through them, while I’m already, done, sifting through these, broken up parts of my, childhood.

like, this…

photo from online

Memories, getting torn, down, this is, only, an, eventuality, an, inevitability, I mean, you can’t think, that you’re gonna be able to, keep them all together, whole, forever, did you?  I mean, you HAD, accounted for the possibility of, memory loss in old age, right???

Memories, getting torn, down, let’s just, get rid of this whole thing, for once, and for all, I mean, I don’t need this “marriage” (just BRING that GUN to my supposed wedding here!!!) that I got locked up by, and you, you’re still, clueless just as the day we met.

And I REFUSE to be with STUPID again!

The LAST Ride, Before, You Were, Gone…for, Good

The LAST ride, before, you were, gone…for, good, you took me on, and I was, a bit, scared, as the speed you were, riding me, was way too high, it’d felt like I was, flying, and it’d, scared me, but, I loved you, so, I’d, gone along…

The LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good, didn’t know, that that, was the very LAST time I’ll, ever, see you, alive, I was, way too, young, inexperienced of the world, until, until, you took me on that, LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good.  Then, all of a sudden, I’d become, an adult, with her childhood, left, behind!

That LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good, thought that you will always, watch over me, and I guess, that in a sense, you still are, watching, over me, just, not in this world that I’m currently, left, behind in is all.

what that, looked, like! Photo from online

So many things I’d wanted to say to you…well, there’s, nothing I can think of, to say to you, after all, you are, a stranger to me, through my early childhood days (and even IF you’d been present, I wouldn’t, remember it!), my adolescent, you’d, come in and out, made the, occasional, visit, here, and there, then, my adulthood, we’d, reconnected, sorta, but, you’re still, a stranger to me, the more I’d, found out about you, and now, you’re, gone, for good!

I keep on, replaying that LAST ride, before you were gone, for good, and, I thought I had more time with you, but in the end, time was, a liar, it’d, stolen everything from our, lives………

My Father’s Watch

The values that’s, assigned to your father’s, favorite, watch, based off of how he’d, lived his, life, that you now, carried forth…translated…

My father was almost, completely, blind before he passed, and that’s why he’d, placed his cherished pocket watch into the drawers, and never took it back out again.  I remembered this watch very clearly, when I was young, when my father came home, he would, carefully, take the watch off his wrist, then, wash his hands thoroughly, then, put the watch back on.  Sometimes, the watch had, slipped into the sink, and the surfaces scratched up, and he’d, felt really bad over it.

On this day, my mother found his watch.  It was, in the original box with the warranty papers, like how he’d taught me to write, each stroke is perfectly written, easy to read.  As my mother sent me the photo of his watch, I’d smiled, that was, his style all right, even as he’d become, visually, impaired toward the end, he still, kept his collected items, very neat.

an heirloom, like this!

photo from online

My father’s watch was very unique, as when I was still wearing the electronic watches, I’d watched that watch of his, with the second hand keep on ticking away, not at all resembling the sound of the second hand on the clocks; and, although he’d not worn it long, as I’d, shaken the watch a bit, the second hand started, going around again, just like him, he’d been gone a very long time, but whenever I’d recalled him, saw his belongings, he’d, surfaced, back up into my mind again.

I’d decided to take my father’s watch to the U.S. with me, and wear it often like the ad of the watch: Generations to Generations, passing it on, like an heirloom of, sorts.

Those who put this watch on, will keep on, walking on, they will keep on, working hard, dressing well enough, doing the things delegated to them, correctly.

So, it’s the values you’d, associated with this watch of your father’s, that you took, not just the watch, as the mementos of what he’d, left behind for you, and, it’s interesting, how things have that value assigned to them, that gets, passed from one generation to the next.

Leaving the Good Financial Sense for the Children is Better than the Inheritances

The absolute necessity of a living will, so nobody can fight over what we leave behind after we’re, dead, and gone!  Translated…

My parents never told us, just how much assets are in their, possessions, but we’d, never cared too much over it.  Awhile ago, mom considered her own conditions, started forgetting things, and decided to tell us the financial situations.  My parents are genuine, honest people, didn’t make much, didn’t save much, I’d not cared about how much they would be leaving for us, but, I’d hoped, that they could use all the money they’d saved up, to live out the rest of their lives, with ease.

The most ideal would be, spending all the money we make up completely, at the moment we swallowed our, final, breaths.  I deeply believe, that passing the good financial senses is way more important, than leaving a summed, inheritances for them.  I’m really blessed, for having parents who knew the values of saving up, using when they needed, saving as they saw fitting.  Every month, they’d deposited a sum from their pays first, then, use the leftover sums as daily spending, that way, they wouldn’t spend all they made before the month was up, and had more to do the good deeds via donations and such.

like this!

found online

Actually, even if we didn’t tell our children how much was in our savings before we died, the inherited can always check through the tax office, it’s quite convenient, and, the living will will, prevent that if there are, conflicts, then, it can’t be, contested, because the living will was already written, signed, and, dated.  My parents passed to us, the values of honesty, they’d only verbally told us that we should, split everything up among us evenly.  And, all of us daughters, kept to our work posts, although we didn’t strike it rich, but we’d never felt, that our parents’ savings would be, ours.  And every time I saw the siblings fighting over the inheritance, I’d thought it was, quite abnormal.

And, if you have inheritance, you can decide if to save it and give it to your own children.  Or maybe, you should, consider donating it to charity, that way, it wouldn’t give the unfitting offspring a chance, to fight over it.

And so, this is on the matter of what we should do with our assets when we’re gone, and, the best way is to set up that living will, and get a notary public, and however many witnesses the laws required to be there, to sign for the papers, that way, that living will will then be validated, and, if your children fight over what you leave behind, then, the living will will be there, and they can’t contest it, because you’d, drafted it, and had a notary public to sign for you, and the witnesses too.

Old Things, a Poem

How nobody can rid themselves of what’s already happened in their, lives!  Translated…

The Mixed-and-Matched Print Patterns of the Night

In the Mirrors, You’d Noted Your Backside

And What it Had, Weathered

Pretentious Mirror, with Millions of Spaces, and Times

Those Who were Amiss, Returned to Here

Tried to Patch Things Up, You and Your

Lines Were Off.  In the Staged Scenes

like these!

painting from online

Dancing Like Out-of-Line, Continued Moving Toward the Distances

Describing the Old Items

Farther Back, an Abandoned Building

You’d Longed for Solitude

There Was, a Tiny Chunk of Metal

Clung onto Your Skin

So, these are, the old things, that you want to be rid of, but somehow, they’d always, stuck on you, and you can’t figure out why!

Beliefs about Being, “Privileged”…

Some of us, were raised in homes, where there’s NOTHING lacking, materialistically speaking, but, we’d been, deprived of our, parents’, attentions growing up, so, are we, privileged, or are we not?

That’s just it, you know, most people define themselves, on being lucky, because they got all the money handed to them, ‘cuz they never had to work a day in their lives, for the sake, of that, hard-earned, dollar, and yet, there are, those of us, who got, EVERYTHING handed to us, money, polo shirts, name brand watches, purses, etc., etc., etc., and yeah we’re, materialistically well-to-do, but, we’re, still NOT, considered, RICH!

And yeah, maybe I’d been, too, SPOILED rotten, by the endless number of hundred dollar bills USD (they came in wads of, five to six “pieces” at a time from before!), and I NEVER had to “work a day in my life” for my “living” either.

And so, based off of solely just that, I guess I’m, totally, SPOILED, rotten all right.

But I know for a FACT, that I am NOT, spoiled rotten, ‘cuz I NEVER had what I was in need of, which was the unconditional love from my two primary attachment figures (hello, hello, hello?  And, I am NOT going back to tell you WHAT those are again here!), instead, I got, abused emotionally by his DEAD parents, BURNED by his dead father’s teacups and teapot, solely because, he didn’t want my wandering little hands, to pick up his SHIT and oopsy, drop it onto the floors and shatter his things, not to mention how his DEAD mother molested me, all the way, up into my early teens, when I got out of this SHIT hole, then, she stopped having “access” over me on the weekends, did that SHIT finally end.

And, it wasn’t until I got in my late twenties, did I realize, all these SHITS that’s happened to me.  On top of that, I am still, carrying this DEAD baby girl of mine (no need for “introduction” here), since 2008.

So, guess what I’m saying to all of y’all is this: I KNOW I’m now, more than ENTITLED to have a good AND easy (you have got to be SHITTING me here!) life that I’m now, currently living.

And no, I still don’t gotta worry ‘bout shits like M-O-N-E-Y.  Got that shit, shoved ALL the way up my you-know-where (don’t need to “draw”, do I???), since I was very young, and now, I’m still, “digesting” all of the Ben Franklins’, Ulysses S. Grants, Andrew Jacksons, etc., etc., etc., out right now…

So yeah I am, god damn “PRIVILEGED” here all right.

And you have GOT to be shitting me here!

This “spoiled BRAT” is done, for now…

The Stranded Ark

How nothing stays the same, in the baptism of, time, translated…

The Stars that Lost the Precisions in Words

The Boxes, Flooded by an Overflow of Emotions

The Stars that We Can, No Longer, Hear

The Roses, that Became, Blurred

The Mix-and-Match of the Words

Waiting for the Sharpened Knives to Get Them Edited

the progressions of, life

found online

Cutting Off All the Excess

To Make Things Less, Complex

The Wind Can’t Recognize the Banners

The Cloud Can’t Decipher My Mind

That Ark Made of Words, Stranded

Expecting the Rise of Tides of Inspiration

The Musical Instruments Stopped Playing Now

And Took with Them, the Ripples Like the Poems by that Boat

There’s, that light scent of, loss here, of how things are gone so quickly, of how we can’t hold onto time, no matter how much we wanted time to slow down, it just, doesn’t.