Category Archives: Maturation

the Process of Growing Up, the Trials One Faces in Coming of Age

The Parents Took Care of Earning the Incomes During the Summers, Leaving the Kids Without Smiles During Their Summer Vacations

Summers are hitting the children, especially hard here!!!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Child Welfare League conducted a research on the cases that social workers followed up on since last December from January 6 to February 27, toward the families whom the social workers had followed for three months.  The findings showed, that as the summer vacation started, without the nutritious meals provided by the schools, nearly forty-percent of school age kids didn’t get their lunches every day, and, even if they had lunches daily, thirty-seven percent of the kids didn’t have enough nutrition, twelve percent of the children are eating leftovers every single day.

On top of that, nearly sixty percent of the children needed to help out around the house, thirty-one percent had to work as nannies, to help babysit the younger siblings, twenty-two percent needed to work outside the home, to help make money for the household, to to get one’s own tuition for next semester.  Fifty-seven percent of the children don’t have adult supervision at home this summer, twelve percent of the kids didn’t see their parents as they headed off to bed, nearly thirty percent of these children only saw their parents once per week.

“Happy” who is in the fourth grade lost his mother when he was real young, his father was diagnosed with stomach cancer six years ago, the family economics are hounding down on him, every single summer, he’d gone to the fields to work in the scorching sun, and, his tiny arms are filled with wounds from the cuts from the grass, but, to help lessen the load on his cancer-prone father, he’d never made a single complaint; recently, his grandmother had a stroke, toward the summer that’s coming, Happy told, that he just wanted to work harder in the fields, so he could help make more money for his family.

“Sunny”, who’s also in the fourth grade, lived in the distant regions, there are four members of his family, and because there were no pipes in his house, he and his family had to use the underground water for cleaning and drinking, and, if the weather got cold, the family would burn wood, to heat up the water for use.  Sunny’s father is ill, the family lived off of the migrated mother’s less than $20,000N.T. pay from the factory, in order to take care of his mildly retarded younger brother, he’d bathed him, fed him, took care of his own younger brother’s daily living, without a word of complaint.  When the reporters asked him about his wish for the summer, Sunny said, “It would be wonderful, if my family and I can travel some place for a day!”

These wishes, seemed so simple to us all, but, they are all, distant and hard-to-reach dreams for these kids, because they were born, into difficult situations, and yet, they still all faced the challenges in their separate lives, with a positive attitude, and that, is something we can all take from.


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Filed under Awareness, Childhood, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Family Matters, Growing Up Too Fast, Life, Maturation, Observations, Properties of Life, Social Issues, Values, White Picket Fence

When the Right to Decide is in Your Hands

Call this, a LOSE-LOSE, into a LOSE-WIN, if you will!!!

When the right to decide is in your hands, you WILL lose, either way, because if you decide, to let that cheating bastard BACK into your lives, then, you’ll always BE doubting yourselves, and wondering, every time when he’s not around you, if he’s humping some OTHER whores or not, and, if you decide NOT to let that loser back in, then, you’d still have to GRIEVE, really hard, for the loss of what you’d placed into that relationship…

When the right to decide is in your hands, how is this even possible, we were, a couple, weren’t we?  And, as a couple, we normally decide on things together, and we MUST reach that unanimous vote on things like a jury?  And yet, how come, I’m the one, left with the difficulties of deciding how it’ll end?  When the right to decide is in your hands, BE glad, that you can, have a say, in what happens, because, would you RATHER that the other person make that first AND last move?  Or, would you rather, be the one, pulling the plug?

When the right to decide is in your hands, just take it, and say, “Thank you”, and, don’t QUESTION the one, who’d left the right to decide in your hands, because they can’t decide on their own, or that they just, don’t want to decide, so, they’re giving you the “right of way”, and, having the right to decide, IS equivalent to having the PRIMARY control (yeah, the relationship had always BEEN about CONTROL there, had you not realized it, ‘til now???), so, just be glad, that at least, you’re NOT leaving the decision to stay or leave up to the other individual…

When the right to decide is in your hands, you have the homing advantage, of affecting how something will turn out, and, what wonderful thing that is!  So, BE glad, that you still have the right to make the decisions regarding whatever it is that is affecting your lives.

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Maturation, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Values

When the Milestones of Your Lives Became Myths

Because let’s FACE it, those milestones are only meaningful, to just Y-O-U, and the rest of us, well, we don’t feel the same way that you do!

When the milestones of your lives became myths, there’s NOTHING you can do, to make them real again, after all, they’d already, been, mystified, and, once something becomes mystified, well, there’s NO way it’ll EVER, come back down to EARTH (where we ALL live!) again.

When the milestones of your lives became myths, because there’s NOT a set age which everybody IS to get married, to have children, because, we don’t FIT, inside that small “cube” of the “norm”, and, those of you who fitted to the “norm” are simply, WEIRDOS!

When the milestones of your lives became myths, there’s NOTHING you can do, to de-mystify them, because, once something becomes myths, well, you’re gonna have, a HELL of a time, proving them to be truths again, and, you can try to, but, you will NEVER be, successful at it, so, just, give it up already.

When the milestones of your lives became myths, because, although there’s a “set schedule” for the average person to develop, but, you’re NOT “average”, you’re always gonna be below, on some of the matters, and, above, on others your whole life, and so, there’s NO use, chasing what’s considered as “normal”, in OTHER people’s views, just like how babies don’t all start saying their first words at the age of nine-months, do they?  Nope!

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Child Development/Education of Children, Expectations, Life, Maturation, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Taken the Hard Road to Conception

Infertility issues here, and, it is, especially hard, for those in the Eastern cultures, translated…

I thought, originally that getting pregnant and having a baby would come naturally after I married, without knowing, that it was, actually, the beginning of MY nightmares.

I was a little over a month into my first pregnancy when the doctor believed, that the child didn’t have a heart beat, I’d gone to three separate doctors, and, they’d confirmed, that, it was, “a malformed fetus”, and so, I’d taken the advice of the doctor, had an abortion, and, because I was still quite young, I’d taken a few days of, then, headed, straight back to work again.

Without realizing, that that, was only the beginning of my trials, first, I had a hard time, conceiving, waited for a year, when I’d finally gotten pregnant, I’d taken extra care, but, two months in, I’d miscarried again.  Still recalled how rushed I was, to get to the hospital, and the doctor told me, that I couldn’t keep an unhealthy pregnancy, that I shouldn’t take it to heart too much.  Although I understood what he was telling me, but, I’d had to, swallowed down hard, those tears, it felt, like a bitter glass of alcohol, the sense of loss, was beyond my verbal expressions.

This time I’d miscarried, it’d waken me up, I’d decided, to take good care of my body, on the one hand, I’d gone to see the Chinese doctors, to get my body well, and on the other, I’d sought out western ways, to help me with infertility, during which time, I’m grateful to my husband, going everywhere with me, and, I’d gone to the Chinese doctors regularly by the week.  Because there were so many patients, we’d often had to wait for the entire evening, by the time I’d finally gotten home, it was, past ten o’clock, the very next day, I’d headed over to the Chinese medicine shops, to get the medications, and cook the meds myself.  In the morning and evening, I’d pinched my nose, and managed, to drink down the bitter medication.  On weekends, I’d rushed to the OBGYN’s office, to try an assortment of ways to help me conceive.

My mother-in-law’s side of the family also worked hard, to find an assortment of ways, and, they’d even done a ritual called, “exchanging flowers”, hoped that I can have a trouble free birth.  In all of our working hard together, finally, four years after we wed, I was, able to, have a son.

In the past, I’d had a smooth ride, in school, and at work, I’d thought, that everything I got, I worked hard for, and after going through this arduous process of getting pregnant, I’d understood, that other than believing in myself, and my own persistence, I’d relied even more on other people’s help and encouragements.

My son is truly, a gift from god, without this difficulty in conceiving, I couldn’t have gained the understandings I have for life, and I couldn’t have learned, to be humble or grateful, nor would I cherish what I have right now.

And so, this, is just, a lesson, that fate had you learn, the HARD way, because you’d had a smooth ride all the way, fate tossed you a curve ball, so you’d learned to not take things for granted, and, you’d learned your lesson well, which, is why things have worked out for you.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Cost of Living, Despair, Expectations, Family Matters, Fate, Issues on Gender, Lessons, Maturation, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Values

When There’s Nothing Left You Can Teach Me

There would come a day, when your own kids became, smarter than you, and, you’d become, STUMPED, at the questions they are posing to you…

When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, well, maybe, it’s time, that you learned something FROM me too, after all, I’d already, learned, ALL the lessons you’d taught to me, well already, and now, it’s my turn, to reciprocate, the lessons I’d picked up, from all over, to teach to you.

When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, it’s okay, don’t feel bad, it’s just, that I’d grown up already, and, the lessons you’d taught me, through my younger years, they will, NEVER be forgotten by me, I’ll take them all, to heart, wherever I go!  When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, then, maybe, it’s time, you consider, learning something new?  Because I’m still, growing up, little by little, each and every day, and, at this rate, I will be, wiser than you.

When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, don’t feel bad, because all parents will get out measured by their young, as that, is the way things are in this world, besides, which parent wouldn’t want her/his kid to be smarter than s/he is, right???

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Filed under Cost of Living, Expectations, Interactions Shared with the World, Lessons, Maturation, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions

Made to Sweep the Floors on My Birthday, on the Growth of a Woman

That’s a WEIRD way, to celebrate someone’s birthday, isn’t it???  Translated…

I was born, toward the end of the Lunar Calendar Year, and, I’d often spent my birthdays in the end-of-year cleaning routines.  I still recalled that one year in elementary school, after I’d passed through a long and hard day at school, at night, my mother still never stopped ranting at me, on how to sweep up the floor that I’m already sweeping up.

I’d finally had it, threw the broomstick onto the floor, called out and cried, “It’s MY birthday today!”, my mother, who was born in the year of the tiger, had never been KNOWN to back down, she’d screamed back at me, “So, you CAN’T sweep on your birthday?”

My father stepped in, to help us resolve the matter, he’d smiled and told, “I’ll go and buy the cake!”

That, was the birthday I remembered the most about as a child.  Don’t know why though, as this memory came back to me, I’d started to get red in the eyes, and felt that I was more than blessed, to be sweeping the floors on my birthday.

As a teenager, I rather not liked spending my birthdays at all, when everybody circled around me, and sang happy birthday, it made me feel so awkward.  When I was lonely at age nineteen, there was a boy who helped me celebrate my birthday from my cram school, he’d said, “you only have one birthday a year!”

I’d told him plainly, “every single day, isn’t it all, once a year too?”

The last birthday I had before I married, my mother held a party for me at the restaurant, and asked along my future in-laws too.  I realized my mother’s hidden meaning for why she did this, she hoped, that as her daughter marries over, someone from the family would still know it’s her birthday, this, was my mother’s blessing, and unwillingness, to see me go off.

On the day that my youngest son was a month old, just so happened, that it was also, my birthday, I’d returned to my mother-in-law’s house, and, there was, already a cake, waiting.  I held on to my dear son, shaved his head; my birthdays after I’d become a mother, I’d known more about being grateful.

I’m truly grateful for everything around me, that brought me so much happiness.  I’m already forty years old now, passed through my youth, gone through the trials of life, returned back to myself, I’m now, a comfortable flower, who’s right where she should be, getting ready to bloom.

So, this, is a sense of comfort, that can only be achieved, after one had gone through some stages of her life, isn’t it?  Because the things you took to be granted, you may not have understood the meanings of from before, and now, as you’re aged, you’d gotten a better understanding of the events in your own life, another kind of growth, call it that.

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Filed under Because of Love, Expectations, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Maturation, Story-Telling

It Was, Never Mine to Begin With

It was, never mine to begin with, so, why am I still, so very sad, over losing it???  Could it be, that I’d become too attached to it over time?  Or, that I’d assigned too much emotional meaning to it, that losing it, feels like, killing me?

It was, never mine, to begin with, it was a gift, I suppose, from someone whom I thought loved me, but, he didn’t, not really, and now, this item is gone, and, I’m finding it hard, for me, to let it go, why is that?

It was, never mine, to begin with, and, by that way of thought, I shouldn’t even BE feeling ANYTHING as it’d been lost, but, why, am I sad over it?  Perhaps, it’s the meaning of the item, or maybe, the heart that the person had, when the item was given to me, who knows?  Point it, it is, already lost, and, no amount of tears I will BE shedding, will be helping me, to get it back again, so, I’d stopped crying, because, it was, NEVER mine, to begin with.

It was, never mine, to begin with, there’s NO need to be sorrowful, or saddened, by the loss of it, after all, it is, just something, that, is easily, replaced, it CAN be bought, with money, another one, JUST like it…how easily, things CAN be replaced, wish love was the same too, but, is it?


Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Loss, Maturation, Observations, Properties of Life, Values