Category Archives: Maturation

the Process of Growing Up, the Trials One Faces in Coming of Age

Do Help My Parents Become More Independent of Me

The empty nest, experienced by these parents, whose children are, flying the nest, and they’d, switched an angle to look at it, and it’d not felt like a loss, instead, it’d become, a gain to them now, translated…

Close to sixty, the kids of the friends from around me all started leaving school, starting to work, starting their families, setting up their own, careers.  When I’d carried on in conversations with them, I can occasionally, sniff out that sense of loss, and I’d, always joked with them, “sometimes, it’s NOT the kids who aren’t independent enough, it’s the adults!”, and they’d always, started laughing about it, and, lose that sense of loss inside, and it’d helped them alleviate the anxieties that they were all, experiencing then.

The endgame of raising the children, isn’t it to see them become economically independent, living independently of their parents, becoming independent thinkers from their own, parents?  And, as the children accomplished this, the parents should let go, so they can, start off on their own separate lives, so, why do the parents, feel that scent of, loss?

Once I was chatting with my neighbor, we got to talking about how the kids are becoming independent, and I’d blurted out, “it’s usually the parents who can’t be, independent” again, as a therapist, my neighbor seriously responded to me, “yes, a lot of the clients all told me, to help their parents to be, independent of them.”

And, it seemed, that some of these children had too dependent a parent, that they’d, sought out professional advice from the psychotherapist.

When we’re old, so are our children, and can stand on their own, as parents, we would often feel happy, but, loss at the same time, glad to see, that our children are able to show their abilities, but we’d felt, we’re, no longer, needed by them, hence, there’s, that scent of, loss that came with it.

all that’s, remained…photo from online

I think, we all need to start being in contact with our innermost feelings, and when that sense of “I’m no longer needed” surfaces, we should switch to an alternative thought—feel glad, that we’re, no longer needed, that our children are, quite capable!  That way, we will, be able to, reduce that feeling of loss.

A couple of days ago, my husband’s best friend and his wife came to visit, they’d talked of how their outstanding son is studying for his doctorate in the U.S., and the two didn’t understand what area of expertise their son was in, secondly, they’d felt, that their son handled everything on his own, and seeing the look of helplessness, and worry on this mother’s face, I’d told her, “look at you, so lucky!  You saved a ton of energies!”, as she’d heard, she’d, started, smiling.

Yes, we should all be glad, and happy, that our own children have the abilities, to soar with their own wings, their abilities being acquire, and then, we shall all be, happy and independent of them too.

And so, this is on how the empty nest hits everybody differently, for the writer, she’s too happy that her children are, out and on their own, she’s glad, that they’d become, independent, and can stand on their own, that they needed to not worry over them like they were, young children, but her friends were, troubled, and so, she’d, helped them see things in an alternative angle, and as her friends saw the other side of the story, they’d felt, better too, that their children are, becoming, independent of them.

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Filed under Awareness, Empty Nest, Lessons, Life, Maturation, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Properties of Life, Values

The Stranded Ark

How nothing stays the same, in the baptism of, time, translated…

The Stars that Lost the Precisions in Words

The Boxes, Flooded by an Overflow of Emotions

The Stars that We Can, No Longer, Hear

The Roses, that Became, Blurred

The Mix-and-Match of the Words

Waiting for the Sharpened Knives to Get Them Edited

the progressions of, life

found online

Cutting Off All the Excess

To Make Things Less, Complex

The Wind Can’t Recognize the Banners

The Cloud Can’t Decipher My Mind

That Ark Made of Words, Stranded

Expecting the Rise of Tides of Inspiration

The Musical Instruments Stopped Playing Now

And Took with Them, the Ripples Like the Poems by that Boat

There’s, that light scent of, loss here, of how things are gone so quickly, of how we can’t hold onto time, no matter how much we wanted time to slow down, it just, doesn’t.

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Filed under Life, Maturation, Old Age, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Poetry, Properties of Life, Things Left Behind

What is Taken Away from Your Education?

Lessons we learned, from school, from our own, experiences in life, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Recently I’d made the speeches at the schools, as the speech ended, a parent led two children to before me.  “Professor, I was your student, do you still remember me?”  This was every instructor’s nightmare, I’d, worked really hard, to think back on all the students, and just, couldn’t, recall her name; but I’d still smiled and told her, “let me think!”, as she’d heard me say this, her smile did not fade, she’s not, disappointed one bit, but her second-grade daughter looked up at her innocently, “Mom, your teacher can’t remember you!”

I felt very awkward after hearing, before I could reply, she’d immediately told her child, “Do you know how many students the professor’s had?  How can she remember every one, but, so long as I remember her!”, then, she’d, started speaking of her middle school careers, that with the problems she’d, faced in life then, how I’d, given her the advices she’d needed, “because you’d, counseled me, teacher, so I will, never forget you, as I saw the flyer on the seminar, I was so excited to come, to thank you.” as she’d told me, I still, can’t quite, remember her, but, I’d felt, very touched by her words.

The following day, a student used the communication app to contact me, this particular student had been, hurt by a certain teacher, he’d come back to me to tell me about what happened, to seek out my counsel, it took me sometime, but I’d, accompanied him, helped him out; back then, I’d, encouraged him: you need to turn what happened to you, into your driving force, if there’s a chance, you must, help those who’d been hurt like you had.  Back then he’d told me, that he will, work hard, to become a teacher who can, help his students.  In his final year of high school, he wrote me that with his grades, there was, NO chance he will ever be a school teacher, so, he was, willing, to become, a serviceman, to fight to protect the country.

And now, many years afterwards, he’d, shared with me everything he’d weathered through in the armed services, and he’d, mentioned what happened to him again back in middle school, and stressed to me, that even though he wasn’t, highly ranked, he will use his past as a teacher, to NEVER make the mistakes his middle school instructor had made.

After I’d read, although I’d felt glad, but, I couldn’t help but feel: that the first woman told me, “so long as I remember you!”.  It symbolized, I don’t’ need your affirmations from your memories, but I will remember, that was, the demands that one made of, one’s own, characters, to never forget to be, thankful.  While the second student, couldn’t forget about the shame, but he’d not, selected, to take revenge, instead, he’d, turned his shame into something he could, learn from, to remind himself, to NEVER shame another like he’d been, shamed.  Think on his, how many people we will meet, how many things we can, encounter, in our, lifetimes!

Who remembered us, it isn’t, that important, what’s important is who we remembered?  Well, it’s, not that important either, the important being WHY we remember who or what we remember?  Those that happened, those whom we remembered, what were their, influenced on us?  From these two students, I saw the choices of attitude, how they’d, chosen to make themselves feel happy, how by choosing to forgive, it’d, given him peace, to use the past as a mirror to reflect, to have a life without regrets, what, will you, choose?

And so, this, is something worth pondering on, what, do you remember when you graduated?  I’m sure, that it’s not the course load, the books, the materials, or even what you’d made on your exams, it’s the experience of learning, of accumulating the knowledge, of the lessons that life teaches us that we will, carry with us from here on out.


Filed under Abuse, Abuse of Power, Awareness, Being Exposed, Betrayals, Cause & Effect, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Current Events, Education, Expectations, Healing Process, Improper Behaviors of an Adult, Improper Behaviors of School Instructors, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Maturation, Observations, Overcoming Obstacles, Unsafe in the Schools, Values

He’d Shown an Immense Talent in Playing the Traditional Chinese Instrument in Prison, Learned, that His Own Father is a Professional Musician Too

Helping these inmates, find a motivation to get better at something, so they won’t return to their old ways after being released, from the Newspapers, translated…

Yesterday, the Cultural Department of Hualien went into the Hualien Penitentiary to host a certification program of the street performers for the inmates, “Yang” an inmate received good comments for his piano skills. He’d started getting into music after he’d started serving time, and fell in love with piano, and after he’d started taking the lessons, he’d, learned that his own father had earned the championship trophy for piano skills, and, as his father named him, he’d used what made him glorious, the piano, as a character in his name, and he’d hoped, that after his release, he can use the piano, to start off on a new page in his own life.

“Yang” is thirty-five years old, at age 25, he’d made the wrong moves, had planned out a kidnapping ransom, was sentenced to twenty-four years; five years ago, he was, transferred to the penitentiary in Hualien, and went into the Chinese instrument playing program, and because the Yangqin wasn’t played by anybody, he’d started picking it up, and, loved the sound.

the instrument looks like this, photo from online…查看來源圖片

Later he’d learned from his family, that his own father who’d passed, was a professional yangqin player too, and had earned the championship trophy in Guangzhou.

“As I’d played, I’d often thought about my father.”, Yang, who’d gotten his name from the instrument told, that as his father named him, he’d already, passed this glory to him, “I can’t let my father down”.

Yang still has two more years until he’s up for parole, he hoped to pass the certification for the street performers, and, after his release, hoped to play as a single or in a group, and go to the nursing homes to perform for the residents, to give back to the community.

Another thirty-six-year-old, “Lei”, got involved in drugs when he was younger, and, he was convicted for robbery, sentenced to fifteen years, and, learned to sketch in prison, he’d picked up the art skills, and had already, kicked his drug habits now, he will be up for parole this year. He said, that taking up art had helped his parents accept him more, and, his work hung all over his home. He’d signed up for the certifications program, hoping that after his release, he gets to go home to open up an arts workshop.

So, these are, two examples of men, who’d, worked hard, to overcome their pasts, and, they’d, found viable skills, and they now have goals that they’d hoped to achieve, and, hopefully, this will keep on driving them, after their release from prison.

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Filed under Choices, Maturation, News Stories, Overcoming Obstacles, Properties of Life, Substances Abuse, Things Left Behind, Turning One's Life Around, Turning Over a New Leaf, Values, Wake Up Calls

The Parents Took Care of Earning the Incomes During the Summers, Leaving the Kids Without Smiles During Their Summer Vacations

Summers are hitting the children, especially hard here!!!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Child Welfare League conducted a research on the cases that social workers followed up on since last December from January 6 to February 27, toward the families whom the social workers had followed for three months.  The findings showed, that as the summer vacation started, without the nutritious meals provided by the schools, nearly forty-percent of school age kids didn’t get their lunches every day, and, even if they had lunches daily, thirty-seven percent of the kids didn’t have enough nutrition, twelve percent of the children are eating leftovers every single day.

On top of that, nearly sixty percent of the children needed to help out around the house, thirty-one percent had to work as nannies, to help babysit the younger siblings, twenty-two percent needed to work outside the home, to help make money for the household, to to get one’s own tuition for next semester.  Fifty-seven percent of the children don’t have adult supervision at home this summer, twelve percent of the kids didn’t see their parents as they headed off to bed, nearly thirty percent of these children only saw their parents once per week.

“Happy” who is in the fourth grade lost his mother when he was real young, his father was diagnosed with stomach cancer six years ago, the family economics are hounding down on him, every single summer, he’d gone to the fields to work in the scorching sun, and, his tiny arms are filled with wounds from the cuts from the grass, but, to help lessen the load on his cancer-prone father, he’d never made a single complaint; recently, his grandmother had a stroke, toward the summer that’s coming, Happy told, that he just wanted to work harder in the fields, so he could help make more money for his family.

“Sunny”, who’s also in the fourth grade, lived in the distant regions, there are four members of his family, and because there were no pipes in his house, he and his family had to use the underground water for cleaning and drinking, and, if the weather got cold, the family would burn wood, to heat up the water for use.  Sunny’s father is ill, the family lived off of the migrated mother’s less than $20,000N.T. pay from the factory, in order to take care of his mildly retarded younger brother, he’d bathed him, fed him, took care of his own younger brother’s daily living, without a word of complaint.  When the reporters asked him about his wish for the summer, Sunny said, “It would be wonderful, if my family and I can travel some place for a day!”

These wishes, seemed so simple to us all, but, they are all, distant and hard-to-reach dreams for these kids, because they were born, into difficult situations, and yet, they still all faced the challenges in their separate lives, with a positive attitude, and that, is something we can all take from.

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Filed under Awareness, Childhood, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Family Matters, Growing Up Too Fast, Life, Maturation, Observations, Properties of Life, Social Issues, Values, White Picket Fence

When the Right to Decide is in Your Hands

Call this, a LOSE-LOSE, into a LOSE-WIN, if you will!!!

When the right to decide is in your hands, you WILL lose, either way, because if you decide, to let that cheating bastard BACK into your lives, then, you’ll always BE doubting yourselves, and wondering, every time when he’s not around you, if he’s humping some OTHER whores or not, and, if you decide NOT to let that loser back in, then, you’d still have to GRIEVE, really hard, for the loss of what you’d placed into that relationship…

When the right to decide is in your hands, how is this even possible, we were, a couple, weren’t we?  And, as a couple, we normally decide on things together, and we MUST reach that unanimous vote on things like a jury?  And yet, how come, I’m the one, left with the difficulties of deciding how it’ll end?  When the right to decide is in your hands, BE glad, that you can, have a say, in what happens, because, would you RATHER that the other person make that first AND last move?  Or, would you rather, be the one, pulling the plug?

When the right to decide is in your hands, just take it, and say, “Thank you”, and, don’t QUESTION the one, who’d left the right to decide in your hands, because they can’t decide on their own, or that they just, don’t want to decide, so, they’re giving you the “right of way”, and, having the right to decide, IS equivalent to having the PRIMARY control (yeah, the relationship had always BEEN about CONTROL there, had you not realized it, ‘til now???), so, just be glad, that at least, you’re NOT leaving the decision to stay or leave up to the other individual…

When the right to decide is in your hands, you have the homing advantage, of affecting how something will turn out, and, what wonderful thing that is!  So, BE glad, that you still have the right to make the decisions regarding whatever it is that is affecting your lives.

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Maturation, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Values

When the Milestones of Your Lives Became Myths

Because let’s FACE it, those milestones are only meaningful, to just Y-O-U, and the rest of us, well, we don’t feel the same way that you do!

When the milestones of your lives became myths, there’s NOTHING you can do, to make them real again, after all, they’d already, been, mystified, and, once something becomes mystified, well, there’s NO way it’ll EVER, come back down to EARTH (where we ALL live!) again.

When the milestones of your lives became myths, because there’s NOT a set age which everybody IS to get married, to have children, because, we don’t FIT, inside that small “cube” of the “norm”, and, those of you who fitted to the “norm” are simply, WEIRDOS!

When the milestones of your lives became myths, there’s NOTHING you can do, to de-mystify them, because, once something becomes myths, well, you’re gonna have, a HELL of a time, proving them to be truths again, and, you can try to, but, you will NEVER be, successful at it, so, just, give it up already.

When the milestones of your lives became myths, because, although there’s a “set schedule” for the average person to develop, but, you’re NOT “average”, you’re always gonna be below, on some of the matters, and, above, on others your whole life, and so, there’s NO use, chasing what’s considered as “normal”, in OTHER people’s views, just like how babies don’t all start saying their first words at the age of nine-months, do they?  Nope!

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Child Development/Education of Children, Expectations, Life, Maturation, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Taken the Hard Road to Conception

Infertility issues here, and, it is, especially hard, for those in the Eastern cultures, translated…

I thought, originally that getting pregnant and having a baby would come naturally after I married, without knowing, that it was, actually, the beginning of MY nightmares.

I was a little over a month into my first pregnancy when the doctor believed, that the child didn’t have a heart beat, I’d gone to three separate doctors, and, they’d confirmed, that, it was, “a malformed fetus”, and so, I’d taken the advice of the doctor, had an abortion, and, because I was still quite young, I’d taken a few days of, then, headed, straight back to work again.

Without realizing, that that, was only the beginning of my trials, first, I had a hard time, conceiving, waited for a year, when I’d finally gotten pregnant, I’d taken extra care, but, two months in, I’d miscarried again.  Still recalled how rushed I was, to get to the hospital, and the doctor told me, that I couldn’t keep an unhealthy pregnancy, that I shouldn’t take it to heart too much.  Although I understood what he was telling me, but, I’d had to, swallowed down hard, those tears, it felt, like a bitter glass of alcohol, the sense of loss, was beyond my verbal expressions.

This time I’d miscarried, it’d waken me up, I’d decided, to take good care of my body, on the one hand, I’d gone to see the Chinese doctors, to get my body well, and on the other, I’d sought out western ways, to help me with infertility, during which time, I’m grateful to my husband, going everywhere with me, and, I’d gone to the Chinese doctors regularly by the week.  Because there were so many patients, we’d often had to wait for the entire evening, by the time I’d finally gotten home, it was, past ten o’clock, the very next day, I’d headed over to the Chinese medicine shops, to get the medications, and cook the meds myself.  In the morning and evening, I’d pinched my nose, and managed, to drink down the bitter medication.  On weekends, I’d rushed to the OBGYN’s office, to try an assortment of ways to help me conceive.

My mother-in-law’s side of the family also worked hard, to find an assortment of ways, and, they’d even done a ritual called, “exchanging flowers”, hoped that I can have a trouble free birth.  In all of our working hard together, finally, four years after we wed, I was, able to, have a son.

In the past, I’d had a smooth ride, in school, and at work, I’d thought, that everything I got, I worked hard for, and after going through this arduous process of getting pregnant, I’d understood, that other than believing in myself, and my own persistence, I’d relied even more on other people’s help and encouragements.

My son is truly, a gift from god, without this difficulty in conceiving, I couldn’t have gained the understandings I have for life, and I couldn’t have learned, to be humble or grateful, nor would I cherish what I have right now.

And so, this, is just, a lesson, that fate had you learn, the HARD way, because you’d had a smooth ride all the way, fate tossed you a curve ball, so you’d learned to not take things for granted, and, you’d learned your lesson well, which, is why things have worked out for you.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Cost of Living, Despair, Expectations, Family Matters, Fate, Issues on Gender, Lessons, Maturation, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Values

When There’s Nothing Left You Can Teach Me

There would come a day, when your own kids became, smarter than you, and, you’d become, STUMPED, at the questions they are posing to you…

When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, well, maybe, it’s time, that you learned something FROM me too, after all, I’d already, learned, ALL the lessons you’d taught to me, well already, and now, it’s my turn, to reciprocate, the lessons I’d picked up, from all over, to teach to you.

When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, it’s okay, don’t feel bad, it’s just, that I’d grown up already, and, the lessons you’d taught me, through my younger years, they will, NEVER be forgotten by me, I’ll take them all, to heart, wherever I go!  When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, then, maybe, it’s time, you consider, learning something new?  Because I’m still, growing up, little by little, each and every day, and, at this rate, I will be, wiser than you.

When there’s nothing left that you can teach me, don’t feel bad, because all parents will get out measured by their young, as that, is the way things are in this world, besides, which parent wouldn’t want her/his kid to be smarter than s/he is, right???

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Filed under Cost of Living, Expectations, Interactions Shared with the World, Lessons, Maturation, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions

Made to Sweep the Floors on My Birthday, on the Growth of a Woman

That’s a WEIRD way, to celebrate someone’s birthday, isn’t it???  Translated…

I was born, toward the end of the Lunar Calendar Year, and, I’d often spent my birthdays in the end-of-year cleaning routines.  I still recalled that one year in elementary school, after I’d passed through a long and hard day at school, at night, my mother still never stopped ranting at me, on how to sweep up the floor that I’m already sweeping up.

I’d finally had it, threw the broomstick onto the floor, called out and cried, “It’s MY birthday today!”, my mother, who was born in the year of the tiger, had never been KNOWN to back down, she’d screamed back at me, “So, you CAN’T sweep on your birthday?”

My father stepped in, to help us resolve the matter, he’d smiled and told, “I’ll go and buy the cake!”

That, was the birthday I remembered the most about as a child.  Don’t know why though, as this memory came back to me, I’d started to get red in the eyes, and felt that I was more than blessed, to be sweeping the floors on my birthday.

As a teenager, I rather not liked spending my birthdays at all, when everybody circled around me, and sang happy birthday, it made me feel so awkward.  When I was lonely at age nineteen, there was a boy who helped me celebrate my birthday from my cram school, he’d said, “you only have one birthday a year!”

I’d told him plainly, “every single day, isn’t it all, once a year too?”

The last birthday I had before I married, my mother held a party for me at the restaurant, and asked along my future in-laws too.  I realized my mother’s hidden meaning for why she did this, she hoped, that as her daughter marries over, someone from the family would still know it’s her birthday, this, was my mother’s blessing, and unwillingness, to see me go off.

On the day that my youngest son was a month old, just so happened, that it was also, my birthday, I’d returned to my mother-in-law’s house, and, there was, already a cake, waiting.  I held on to my dear son, shaved his head; my birthdays after I’d become a mother, I’d known more about being grateful.

I’m truly grateful for everything around me, that brought me so much happiness.  I’m already forty years old now, passed through my youth, gone through the trials of life, returned back to myself, I’m now, a comfortable flower, who’s right where she should be, getting ready to bloom.

So, this, is a sense of comfort, that can only be achieved, after one had gone through some stages of her life, isn’t it?  Because the things you took to be granted, you may not have understood the meanings of from before, and now, as you’re aged, you’d gotten a better understanding of the events in your own life, another kind of growth, call it that.

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Filed under Because of Love, Expectations, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Maturation, Story-Telling