My Daughter, Who No Longer Needed Me to Wait for the Bus with Her

How fast the children grow up, one day, they still need you, and the very next moment, they no longer, needed you, to watch over them anymore!  Translated…

Having to go to school out-of-district, to the big-eyed girl who’d lived, quite simply, was a huge leap out of her comfort zone, a passageway into, an alternative, realm; while her first obstacle was, take the bus.  For this, she’d asked her classmate to accompany her, and, looking at her animated as she returned, sharing her experiences, I’d thought, she should have, no problems then.

“You will, go with me tomorrow, right?”, the night before the summer sessions, I’d received that, helpless inquiry, which alerted me.  The following morn, I’d gone with the big-eyed girl, to the sidewalk with the huge flamegold, and saw a tour bus, parked by, with the LED lights of “XX Student Shuttle”, I’d said hello to the driver, “I shall be driving this route from here on out”, he’d told me.

Then, going to the bus stop, the two of us, mother and daughter, became our, routines.

how we started…photo from online

And one day, my big-eyed girl did NOT go right up the bus, but instead, traded whispers with the driver, I’d questioned it, but didn’t feel proper to inquire her about it then.  As she’d returned home, she’d told me what the driver told her, “he’d said, you live so close, and you still have your mom accompany you, you need to, learn to get to the bus stop on your own!”, as those words came, the air, froze, “So, will you, still, accompany to the bus stop?”, I’d fallen, silent.

On this night, the darkness draped over us, my daughter didn’t get home, I’d called her cell, she’d not, picked up, which made the wait for her to come home even, longer; then, “CLACK!”, cut open that heavyset air of night, the sound of key turning, my daughter dropped her backpack, mumbled, “I’d accidentally, fallen asleep on the bus, and rode it to the terminal station by accident, there was only, me………….” “How did you get home then?”  “The driver gave me a lift, and he’d told me, ‘young lady, don’t fall asleep again on the bus.’” And, I’d heard the steady voice of the driver, “tell mom, that you will be very safe, there’s nothing she needs to worry about.”

We’d gone from the summer into the winter, I’d thought, that we would, keep on, walking like this, but my big-eyed daughter blocked me from exiting the house with her, looking at her tiny frame, going farther, and farther, and farther, away.  “It’s just a few steps out, why are you, worried?”, her words echoed in my mind, seemingly question my faith in her.  Don’t I trust the characters of the driver?  And, will I give her time, space, to discover who she is, how she is to, become, what and who she wants to, become………….

Then, “Pop”, that thought was, interrupted, I lifted my head, it was the flamegold rain tree’s seed, popping out, the seeds, worked so very hard, to break away out of the shells that once, kept them all, safe, looking back, the shells are still, full but they’d now become, emptied on the inside.  I’d come to understand, that the tree used an entire year, to birth out its, own offspring, and as the seeds are matured, they’d, broken out, and away, far off, and yet, the trees can’t just, let go easily.  Isn’t this, the way of nature, just like how my big eyed daughter will, eventually need to, shoulder her own life, to learn the lessons she would need, and if she’s ready, what right have I, to hold her, back?

“Don’t worry, she’ll be, safe”, the driver’s words echoed between the trees, and the, skies.

and it’d become…like this, as they gained, more independence from us, the parents! Photo from online

And so, this is, watching your own daughter grow up, and, you feel a bit, sad, because she no longer needed you, to watch over her, to take care of everything for her, she is, learning to grow up strong, to take care of herself, and you should be glad, that you’d, taught her well, it’s just, that you feel, a bit, sad, that she’s, needing you, less and less each and every day, but that’s just how life goes.  Children will become, independent of their, parents, and the parents must learn to effectively deal with the sense of, empty nest…

The Moments in, Time

The realizations of one’s own, empty nest stage of life, coming, on…translated…

Since my son became an adult, my means of being a single parent became my way of, single living.  The twenty-four-hours-a-day shifted the gears to focusing back to the self, I now have, all the time given to me, too much time, that I don’t know what to do, with.

That day on the bus alone, I caught a glimpse of a young couple who are having their child soon, strolling together, looking into the display windows, it’d suddenly brought me back to right after I gave birth, seemed that on an ordinary afternoon, I’d, gone strolling and the nostalgia of before my son was born, how I’d, strolled without any set destination, it made me dropped that one and only, postpartum depressive, tear, thinking of how different I am now, adapting to my life alone, I can’t help but laugh at my younger self.

Turned out, back then I’d not realized how quickly time will, fly, that in a blink of an eye, that infant child became, a big boy, and I returned back to that strolling alone, wandering, aimlessly, looking in the display windows, without a worry or a care, daily routines.

It’s just, that, before my smile settled in, I’d, found, that nothing was ever the same, now or, then, that there’s that sense of firmness of the palms I’d, naturally, clung on, to.  That sense of, security I’d, not remembered, since then.

Many years later on the bus, I’d, suddenly recalled the heat of those hands that’s, gone away from me, I know that I wouldn’t call it nostalgia, but, eventually, I’d come to realize, that the single tear I’d shed back then, wasn’t at all, foolish, turned out, what I thought was ordinary, everyday, is, “a final, farewell”, time flew right by.

Up to this point, I’d felt, at ease, knowing, that what I am to do, is to cherish every moment in the now.  Although, I’m still not used to, being let go of by my son, not used to wandering off on my own, not used to eating my three meals alone……….but actually, this way of life, will also, become, an irreplaceable, unduplicated, moment in, time too.

I’d started, smiling, again, decided to, use my heart, to enjoy this time that belonged solely to, me, without, a single worry or, a, care.

So, this is you, transitioning into, your, empty nest, because your son is grown, and no longer needed you to chase after him, to pick up after him, and, you need to find something else to center your attention on, shifting the focus of being a parent, back to, being, your own, self!

What My Father Learned that Day on the Beach

How their father had originally, socialized them as the son he never had, but then, changed…translated…

My father was born in a sexist family, although he’d, viewed my aunts in higher regards, the children all shouldered up the household economic burdens, he’d still wanted a son.  And yet, unfortunately, the fates only, endowed him with, three girls, I being, the middle daughter.

Pops believed, that “the attitude changes with times”, and managed to put this into, practice, started raising us, three girls as sons, hiking to catch the insects, going into the oceans, and getting stung by the jellyfishes, it’d, made us walk with the winds among our, peers………..and, the results of this reaping what you sow was, he’d often had to go to the schools and apologize to the instructors, for instance, my eldest sister took a bird’s dead body, and chased a boy out, causing the boy to fall and bleed, and he’d cried that he wanted to transfer out of school, just to get away from her.

And, yet, this sort of a situation changed before we got into high school.  That summer, my father took us to the beach as he’d done all those years before, he’d led us to the red zone where our feet could no longer touched the bottom, to attempt to train us in our swimming skills, and yet, kept turning his head back to the people on the beaches.

It was a group of college age students, a couple of boys, grabbed the limbs of a girl, laughed and played, and tossed her into the water, the girl, she’d screamed loudly, but still, smiled quite, radiantly, the water wasn’t too deep either, she’d gotten herself back up on her feet, slowly, walked back up to the shores, and started, playing with her friends, again.

Pops had something on his mind, and on our way home, he’d asked, what we would do, if the same thing had happened to us?  We’d all felt, that we can’t shame him, certainly, we would, get tossed into the water, calmly, then, calming, get ourselves back up out of the shores, we would NEVER scream out and beg to be, saved.  But pops didn’t believe so, because since that day, he’d changed his attitude in “training” us, and started stressing how it’s sometimes, necessary, that we act like we are in need of, help.

Pop’s means of socializing us, may not fit to the modern day gender equality beliefs, but it was from his own observations of the world, he’d attempted, to give us all, some guidance.  At my eldest sister’s wedding, my brother-in-law spoke on the podium that what had attracted him to his wife, was how she was, able to have the masculinity, and the feminine side both, in her.

And so, this is how this father, realized, that training his girls to be TOUGH, won’t help them out in life, surely, it would prevent the guys from picking on them, but, it would also, cause his daughters to, lose their, feminine side, and he’d been, raising all of his daughters like the son he’d always wanted but could never had, until the time at the beach, then, he’d, started, switching his ways, which is never easy, for someone to realize, hey, what I’m teaching my child isn’t what is going to benefit her/him, and this father had the awareness, the self-knowledge of that.

To Breathe Again, without You…

That was, an impossible “feat” from before, but, lost you, I had, and I must, go on…

To breathe again, without you, it was, like the air got, knocked out of me, repeatedly, after you’d been, taken away from me, and it’d hurt every time I’d, breathed, and I’d felt, so very guilty: why am I here, and you’re, not?

To breathe again, without you, it’d been hard, and some days, I’d wished that I had died too, but, my heart’s still, pumping, a lot of blood inside of this, body of mine.  To breathe again, without you, it was, next to impossible, ‘cuz I got trapped up in the loss of you, my love.

the song by Shania Twain, off of YouTube

To breathe again, without you, I couldn’t, and yet, I can’t, stop myself, from breathing in the air I need inside these, lungs of mine!  To breathe again, without you, I’m still, grieving over you, it’s just, that you’d, “surfaced” back up into my mind, a little less and less than before, so yeah, I’m moving on, one foot at a time, still, marching to the ticks and the tocks of this god damn clock that’s now, taken over my life.

To breathe again, without you, it was hard, but I’m doing it, focusing on every moment I inhale, and exhale, thinking about, nothing else, that, is the only thing I can do, to prevent my self, from getting lost in the loss of you again.

Do Help My Parents Become More Independent of Me

The empty nest, experienced by these parents, whose children are, flying the nest, and they’d, switched an angle to look at it, and it’d not felt like a loss, instead, it’d become, a gain to them now, translated…

Close to sixty, the kids of the friends from around me all started leaving school, starting to work, starting their families, setting up their own, careers.  When I’d carried on in conversations with them, I can occasionally, sniff out that sense of loss, and I’d, always joked with them, “sometimes, it’s NOT the kids who aren’t independent enough, it’s the adults!”, and they’d always, started laughing about it, and, lose that sense of loss inside, and it’d helped them alleviate the anxieties that they were all, experiencing then.

The endgame of raising the children, isn’t it to see them become economically independent, living independently of their parents, becoming independent thinkers from their own, parents?  And, as the children accomplished this, the parents should let go, so they can, start off on their own separate lives, so, why do the parents, feel that scent of, loss?

Once I was chatting with my neighbor, we got to talking about how the kids are becoming independent, and I’d blurted out, “it’s usually the parents who can’t be, independent” again, as a therapist, my neighbor seriously responded to me, “yes, a lot of the clients all told me, to help their parents to be, independent of them.”

And, it seemed, that some of these children had too dependent a parent, that they’d, sought out professional advice from the psychotherapist.

When we’re old, so are our children, and can stand on their own, as parents, we would often feel happy, but, loss at the same time, glad to see, that our children are able to show their abilities, but we’d felt, we’re, no longer, needed by them, hence, there’s, that scent of, loss that came with it.

all that’s, remained…photo from online

I think, we all need to start being in contact with our innermost feelings, and when that sense of “I’m no longer needed” surfaces, we should switch to an alternative thought—feel glad, that we’re, no longer needed, that our children are, quite capable!  That way, we will, be able to, reduce that feeling of loss.

A couple of days ago, my husband’s best friend and his wife came to visit, they’d talked of how their outstanding son is studying for his doctorate in the U.S., and the two didn’t understand what area of expertise their son was in, secondly, they’d felt, that their son handled everything on his own, and seeing the look of helplessness, and worry on this mother’s face, I’d told her, “look at you, so lucky!  You saved a ton of energies!”, as she’d heard, she’d, started, smiling.

Yes, we should all be glad, and happy, that our own children have the abilities, to soar with their own wings, their abilities being acquire, and then, we shall all be, happy and independent of them too.

And so, this is on how the empty nest hits everybody differently, for the writer, she’s too happy that her children are, out and on their own, she’s glad, that they’d become, independent, and can stand on their own, that they needed to not worry over them like they were, young children, but her friends were, troubled, and so, she’d, helped them see things in an alternative angle, and as her friends saw the other side of the story, they’d felt, better too, that their children are, becoming, independent of them.

The Stranded Ark

How nothing stays the same, in the baptism of, time, translated…

The Stars that Lost the Precisions in Words

The Boxes, Flooded by an Overflow of Emotions

The Stars that We Can, No Longer, Hear

The Roses, that Became, Blurred

The Mix-and-Match of the Words

Waiting for the Sharpened Knives to Get Them Edited

the progressions of, life

found online

Cutting Off All the Excess

To Make Things Less, Complex

The Wind Can’t Recognize the Banners

The Cloud Can’t Decipher My Mind

That Ark Made of Words, Stranded

Expecting the Rise of Tides of Inspiration

The Musical Instruments Stopped Playing Now

And Took with Them, the Ripples Like the Poems by that Boat

There’s, that light scent of, loss here, of how things are gone so quickly, of how we can’t hold onto time, no matter how much we wanted time to slow down, it just, doesn’t.

What is Taken Away from Your Education?

Lessons we learned, from school, from our own, experiences in life, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Recently I’d made the speeches at the schools, as the speech ended, a parent led two children to before me.  “Professor, I was your student, do you still remember me?”  This was every instructor’s nightmare, I’d, worked really hard, to think back on all the students, and just, couldn’t, recall her name; but I’d still smiled and told her, “let me think!”, as she’d heard me say this, her smile did not fade, she’s not, disappointed one bit, but her second-grade daughter looked up at her innocently, “Mom, your teacher can’t remember you!”

I felt very awkward after hearing, before I could reply, she’d immediately told her child, “Do you know how many students the professor’s had?  How can she remember every one, but, so long as I remember her!”, then, she’d, started speaking of her middle school careers, that with the problems she’d, faced in life then, how I’d, given her the advices she’d needed, “because you’d, counseled me, teacher, so I will, never forget you, as I saw the flyer on the seminar, I was so excited to come, to thank you.” as she’d told me, I still, can’t quite, remember her, but, I’d felt, very touched by her words.

The following day, a student used the communication app to contact me, this particular student had been, hurt by a certain teacher, he’d come back to me to tell me about what happened, to seek out my counsel, it took me sometime, but I’d, accompanied him, helped him out; back then, I’d, encouraged him: you need to turn what happened to you, into your driving force, if there’s a chance, you must, help those who’d been hurt like you had.  Back then he’d told me, that he will, work hard, to become a teacher who can, help his students.  In his final year of high school, he wrote me that with his grades, there was, NO chance he will ever be a school teacher, so, he was, willing, to become, a serviceman, to fight to protect the country.

And now, many years afterwards, he’d, shared with me everything he’d weathered through in the armed services, and he’d, mentioned what happened to him again back in middle school, and stressed to me, that even though he wasn’t, highly ranked, he will use his past as a teacher, to NEVER make the mistakes his middle school instructor had made.

After I’d read, although I’d felt glad, but, I couldn’t help but feel: that the first woman told me, “so long as I remember you!”.  It symbolized, I don’t’ need your affirmations from your memories, but I will remember, that was, the demands that one made of, one’s own, characters, to never forget to be, thankful.  While the second student, couldn’t forget about the shame, but he’d not, selected, to take revenge, instead, he’d, turned his shame into something he could, learn from, to remind himself, to NEVER shame another like he’d been, shamed.  Think on his, how many people we will meet, how many things we can, encounter, in our, lifetimes!

Who remembered us, it isn’t, that important, what’s important is who we remembered?  Well, it’s, not that important either, the important being WHY we remember who or what we remember?  Those that happened, those whom we remembered, what were their, influenced on us?  From these two students, I saw the choices of attitude, how they’d, chosen to make themselves feel happy, how by choosing to forgive, it’d, given him peace, to use the past as a mirror to reflect, to have a life without regrets, what, will you, choose?

And so, this, is something worth pondering on, what, do you remember when you graduated?  I’m sure, that it’s not the course load, the books, the materials, or even what you’d made on your exams, it’s the experience of learning, of accumulating the knowledge, of the lessons that life teaches us that we will, carry with us from here on out.

He’d Shown an Immense Talent in Playing the Traditional Chinese Instrument in Prison, Learned, that His Own Father is a Professional Musician Too

Helping these inmates, find a motivation to get better at something, so they won’t return to their old ways after being released, from the Newspapers, translated…

Yesterday, the Cultural Department of Hualien went into the Hualien Penitentiary to host a certification program of the street performers for the inmates, “Yang” an inmate received good comments for his piano skills. He’d started getting into music after he’d started serving time, and fell in love with piano, and after he’d started taking the lessons, he’d, learned that his own father had earned the championship trophy for piano skills, and, as his father named him, he’d used what made him glorious, the piano, as a character in his name, and he’d hoped, that after his release, he can use the piano, to start off on a new page in his own life.

“Yang” is thirty-five years old, at age 25, he’d made the wrong moves, had planned out a kidnapping ransom, was sentenced to twenty-four years; five years ago, he was, transferred to the penitentiary in Hualien, and went into the Chinese instrument playing program, and because the Yangqin wasn’t played by anybody, he’d started picking it up, and, loved the sound.

the instrument looks like this, photo from online…

Later he’d learned from his family, that his own father who’d passed, was a professional yangqin player too, and had earned the championship trophy in Guangzhou.

“As I’d played, I’d often thought about my father.”, Yang, who’d gotten his name from the instrument told, that as his father named him, he’d already, passed this glory to him, “I can’t let my father down”.

Yang still has two more years until he’s up for parole, he hoped to pass the certification for the street performers, and, after his release, hoped to play as a single or in a group, and go to the nursing homes to perform for the residents, to give back to the community.

Another thirty-six-year-old, “Lei”, got involved in drugs when he was younger, and, he was convicted for robbery, sentenced to fifteen years, and, learned to sketch in prison, he’d picked up the art skills, and had already, kicked his drug habits now, he will be up for parole this year. He said, that taking up art had helped his parents accept him more, and, his work hung all over his home. He’d signed up for the certifications program, hoping that after his release, he gets to go home to open up an arts workshop.

So, these are, two examples of men, who’d, worked hard, to overcome their pasts, and, they’d, found viable skills, and they now have goals that they’d hoped to achieve, and, hopefully, this will keep on driving them, after their release from prison.

The Parents Took Care of Earning the Incomes During the Summers, Leaving the Kids Without Smiles During Their Summer Vacations

Summers are hitting the children, especially hard here!!!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Child Welfare League conducted a research on the cases that social workers followed up on since last December from January 6 to February 27, toward the families whom the social workers had followed for three months.  The findings showed, that as the summer vacation started, without the nutritious meals provided by the schools, nearly forty-percent of school age kids didn’t get their lunches every day, and, even if they had lunches daily, thirty-seven percent of the kids didn’t have enough nutrition, twelve percent of the children are eating leftovers every single day.

On top of that, nearly sixty percent of the children needed to help out around the house, thirty-one percent had to work as nannies, to help babysit the younger siblings, twenty-two percent needed to work outside the home, to help make money for the household, to to get one’s own tuition for next semester.  Fifty-seven percent of the children don’t have adult supervision at home this summer, twelve percent of the kids didn’t see their parents as they headed off to bed, nearly thirty percent of these children only saw their parents once per week.

“Happy” who is in the fourth grade lost his mother when he was real young, his father was diagnosed with stomach cancer six years ago, the family economics are hounding down on him, every single summer, he’d gone to the fields to work in the scorching sun, and, his tiny arms are filled with wounds from the cuts from the grass, but, to help lessen the load on his cancer-prone father, he’d never made a single complaint; recently, his grandmother had a stroke, toward the summer that’s coming, Happy told, that he just wanted to work harder in the fields, so he could help make more money for his family.

“Sunny”, who’s also in the fourth grade, lived in the distant regions, there are four members of his family, and because there were no pipes in his house, he and his family had to use the underground water for cleaning and drinking, and, if the weather got cold, the family would burn wood, to heat up the water for use.  Sunny’s father is ill, the family lived off of the migrated mother’s less than $20,000N.T. pay from the factory, in order to take care of his mildly retarded younger brother, he’d bathed him, fed him, took care of his own younger brother’s daily living, without a word of complaint.  When the reporters asked him about his wish for the summer, Sunny said, “It would be wonderful, if my family and I can travel some place for a day!”

These wishes, seemed so simple to us all, but, they are all, distant and hard-to-reach dreams for these kids, because they were born, into difficult situations, and yet, they still all faced the challenges in their separate lives, with a positive attitude, and that, is something we can all take from.

When the Right to Decide is in Your Hands

Call this, a LOSE-LOSE, into a LOSE-WIN, if you will!!!

When the right to decide is in your hands, you WILL lose, either way, because if you decide, to let that cheating bastard BACK into your lives, then, you’ll always BE doubting yourselves, and wondering, every time when he’s not around you, if he’s humping some OTHER whores or not, and, if you decide NOT to let that loser back in, then, you’d still have to GRIEVE, really hard, for the loss of what you’d placed into that relationship…

When the right to decide is in your hands, how is this even possible, we were, a couple, weren’t we?  And, as a couple, we normally decide on things together, and we MUST reach that unanimous vote on things like a jury?  And yet, how come, I’m the one, left with the difficulties of deciding how it’ll end?  When the right to decide is in your hands, BE glad, that you can, have a say, in what happens, because, would you RATHER that the other person make that first AND last move?  Or, would you rather, be the one, pulling the plug?

When the right to decide is in your hands, just take it, and say, “Thank you”, and, don’t QUESTION the one, who’d left the right to decide in your hands, because they can’t decide on their own, or that they just, don’t want to decide, so, they’re giving you the “right of way”, and, having the right to decide, IS equivalent to having the PRIMARY control (yeah, the relationship had always BEEN about CONTROL there, had you not realized it, ‘til now???), so, just be glad, that at least, you’re NOT leaving the decision to stay or leave up to the other individual…

When the right to decide is in your hands, you have the homing advantage, of affecting how something will turn out, and, what wonderful thing that is!  So, BE glad, that you still have the right to make the decisions regarding whatever it is that is affecting your lives.