Category Archives: Adult Children

Showing the Precise Amount of Care & Concerns Your Children Need

A lesson, on how to interact with your children, now that, they’re, grown, for M-E-N!!!  Translated…

After reading, “It’s Not that I’m Too Aloof, it’s Because, I Never Felt, the Passions” on July 31st, my head bobbed up and down repeatedly through her article, this was, the exact replica of my own, family.

“Your son is out of school now?  What’s he been up to?  When will your daughter be home?  Will she buy the milk?………”, he sat on the couch, in the living room, watching T.V., and inquired, and heaven only knows, how many times, he’d, repeated these, same questions, at first, I’d told him, “I’ll call and check”, then in the end, it really, got to me, and I’d, barked back, “you can call the kids up too, why do I always have to be the middleman?”

As a father, he’d had it easy since the start, while I am on the clock, twenty-four seven, year round, a nanny slash secretary, without pays, for close to, three decades already, never went on strike, nor gotten lackluster over my duties of work.  But, with the kids growing up, leaving home, it became more and more difficult to know where they are at any moment of day, and my husband would, yap, yap, yap, wanted the answers to his inquiries, and I find it, harder, and harder, to satisfy his, inquiries.

When the children are still younger, he’d poured everything he had into work, no days, no nights, nor vacations either, and his schedules were completely opposite from us, mother and children’s, and it’s next to impossible when the kids want to see their dad, and when we go out to eat, or to travel, he’d, vanished, and so, if there are things that they wanted each other to know, I am the bridge, the phonelines, and after awhile, this became, the way we’d, interacted in the family, and now, even as they were only, steps apart, or separated by the walls of the different rooms of the house, my husband still used ME as a telephone, and I’m, having it too hard now.

illustration from UDN.com

愛呀,得恰到好處。圖/豆寶

“Why don’t you ask them yourself?  You always complained how the kids don’t get closer to you, and the connections are established through interactions, if you don’t start reaching out, and the kids are, reactive, how can you get close?”

He was silent from not knowing what to respond, patted his own nose, turned, and walked to my daughter’s bedroom door, and asked, in a, hesitant voice, “I’m making some noodles, do you want some too?”

My daughter who was working on her papers, was a bit, shocked at first, then, replied back, sure, waited until she was finished with what she was doing, she’d, gone into the kitchens, helped with the chopping of the vegetables, and the plating too…………the two of them started with that awkward silence transpiring between them, to laughing and talking, it’s such a moving scene for a “bystander” like me, I’d, started, secretly, filming this, such a precious shot of gentle father and wonderful daughter, worth me, saving.

“See, I knew you could do it, your giving to them actively, they will, feel it, and will, reciprocate too, like how when we’d gone to the supermarkets yesterday, she’d gotten reminded that you wanted milk and grabbed a carton for you, ‘giving’ and ‘receiving’ love, it’s, both ways, and, this heat between the two of you you’d, established, will need work.”

As he’d heard my analysis, and my console, he’d, started, stopped ordering people around, and, often used LINE to ask our daughter how she was doing, gone to her bedroom, to see if there’s something our daughter needed…………I’m glad, that the man of the house if BACK!  But recently, my daughter asked me to convey to her father, ‘don’t knock on my door so often and call, I’m in a business conference call, I can’t reply.’”

Well, think it’s time, that I teach my husband, how to, take back that constant show of care and concerns, so the love he expresses to our daughter, is just right, not too much, just, enough.

And so, this is how, men all need to get, TRAINED, to interact with their families, because at work, they may be the hotshot bosses, barking out all the orders to their employees, and back at home, they carried that same mode to interacting with their loved ones, and that can be, problematic, and in this particular case, the wife is still, the middleman, unfortunately…

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A Geek Was Role-Playing, Took a Rifle Toy Gun into the Courthouse

All I want to say to THIS is: are you, FUCKING (don’t pardon me here!) STUPID!!!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The twenty-year-old male, Su, yesterday morning, took a TOY rifle walked several kilometers to the Chiayi Local District Courts, told the guards “I want to go in for a tour!”, passed the security checks, left the toy gun in the care of the bailiffs, spent about five minutes in the lobby, then, left with the gun; the members of the local community saw him carrying that rifle out, they were thrilled, and notified the police, and eight hundred meters away from the courthouse, the police caught him in front of a super convenience store, took him in for inquiries, and, sent him to the D.A.’s office on threatening behaviors in the public, the D.A. interrogated him, and sent him back home.

The gun that Su had with him, was found to NOT have any killing powers, the court evaluated, the local district courts told, because the man was more than compliant, and considering how the court house is an open-to-the-public place, after he’d passed the security checks, they’d allowed him inside, that in the future, if similar situations were to occur, the guards are going to be more thorough, more careful, and have the local police officers to help out.

here’s what a TOY rifle looks like…

查看來源圖片
photo from online

Based off of understanding, two years ago, Su bought the toy rifle for $6,000N.T.s, he’d wanted to go out for exercises, and role play a little, it was the first time he’d taken that toy rifle “out for a walk”, the label on the gun barrel said, “low motion toy gun!”, and is activated by air.

Yesterday, Su put on a hat, with the toy rifle, exited from his home, his older sister saw, tried to persuade him out of bringing the toy gun out, about a little past eleven in the morn, he’d walked a couple of kilometers from his residence, to the Chiayi District Court, complied with the security checks, and, have the security keep his toy rifle, stayed around on the first floor lobby of the courthouse for about five minutes, took his gun with him, continued walking east on Lingseng E. Road, then turned left onto Dong-Yi Road.

As the police were called, they’d rushed to the district courts, and not found Su, they’d tracked him through the street surveillance cameras, an at around one in the afternoon, they’d stopped him at a super convenience store on Dong-Yi Road, Su didn’t resist arrest, claimed, “it’s not illegal to walk with a toy rifle down the streets!”, denied having the intent to cause harm to the general public.

Su’s mother told, that after her son dropped out of middle school, he’d become, a stay-at-home geek, rarely headed outside, and he’d logged online to watch the war films, loved collecting the guns, and the rifle he took out, she’d paid for; in recent years, her son had slept through the daytime, and stayed up through the nights, suffered from a sleep disorder, that he was being treated at a psychiatric clinic, and had his meds regularly, and is in therapy.

The police found two witnesses, and the bailiff from the courts to testify, that how he was misconstrued for carrying a real weapon, and the members of the public felt, threatened and afraid.  The C.E.O. of the Chiayi Attorney’s Guild, Chen believed, that there would be need for evidence of how Su behaved in a threatening way, then, Su would get convicted for breaking the laws on social order.

and here’s, a REAL one…

查看來源圖片
comparing to the previous photo, can anybody tell the difference??? Photo from online

And the takeaway “brownie point” for this one is???  Oh yeah, don’t be STUPID, and BRING that life-like TOY gun to the public, because other than Y-O-U, the one who’s, bearing that “FALSE arms”, nobody ELSE knows, that wow, that air or BB gun or rifle looks, so much like the real thing, and we should, all???  DUCK!  When we see someone, walking down a street with that!

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Letters From A Son: A Note To The Old Man — The Written Addiction

Hey Pop,It’s been awhile. It’s been 31 years to be exact. In fact it was 31 years ago today when you left us. I’m sorry it’s been a little while since my last letter. Not sure if you can see the news where you are but the world is in a little bit of a tailspin. […]

Letters From A Son: A Note To The Old Man — The Written Addiction

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Adult Children, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Broken Promises, Children in Mindset, Loss, Properties of Life, Things Left Behind

Please Let Go, and Trust in Me, Having an Overbearing Mother

The problem here, is still NOT with the daughter, but with the mother, but, does she realize it???  Of course N-O-T, translated…

From awhile ago, on the news, a certain organization had been losing money by the year, the second-generation owner decided to sell of the office building, for cash, the founder, as he was, interviewed, stated, “My heart ached as my son did it, but now, I’d, trusted in his decisions entirely!”

This pair of father and son made me so envious, and at the same time, I’d, felt heartache for them both, because how I’d, wished that my own mother, can trust me like this father had his own son too.

From the views of the world, I guess, I’m, the pride of my parents: made high grades, gone to an all-star institution, and, managed to pass the exams for a public office on my very first try, I’d never needed my parents to worry over my school performances or my work.

Although my mother stated verbally, that I’d, done well for myself, but she’d, never had faith, that I can, handle things on my own, whether it be how I’d spent my money, how to treat others I meet, whether to have children after I married, who should care for my child if s/he was born…………my mother’s criticisms came at me, never-ending, “it’s for your sake”, was her most widely used phrase, and her weapon.

She’d never understood, that what she’d believed to be a show of care and concern, her nagging, was interpreted as how she didn’t trust me enough, I’d tried to tell her, but her response was always, “Those with your last names, can’t take any criticisms from others!”

When I was interning, I’d, lived at home, I’d had a crash on a rainy day, and, as I’d, bent my knees, my injuries started bleeding, but I’d not let my mother know, I’d, bent down, holding the pains in, as I’d helped clean up the house, until my mother rode out to get the groceries, and found the head of the motorcycle dented, that, was when she’d, found out.  I’d gotten into another, serious crash after I was married, and, it’d been years to this very day, I’d still, not told my parents what had happened to me.

Of the two wrecks I got in, I was, very scared, but I knew, that other than feeling anxious over me, and nagging me, my parents couldn’t do anything for me, and they’d, surely, blamed me, for being, too careless too.  And so, no matter how painful, I’d much rather, hide the truth from them.

I’d never doubted the love my mother had for me, but every time, as I’d, wanted to show affection towards her, she’d started, lecturing me, and in the end, she’d added, “Nobody else is going to tell you this, I’m your mother, that was why, for your sake, I’m, telling, you the truth!”  in my mother’s mind, I’ll never be, enough, there are, always things, I can, improve, and, all of my good performances are, matter-of-fact, and yet, the imperfections, are what pricked at her, and she’d needed to, get rid of them.

But, my dearest mother, you know what?  Your daughter may not be perfect, but, she’d always tried very hard, worked hard, can you just, let go, and trust in me?

And, hopefully, this woman’s mother can see this article, and change the way she interacts with her daughter, but, I’m still, NOT holding MY breath, because parents like these, they think what they’re doing, IS for the good of their young, and they just keep on, doing whatever the F*** (maxed out???) they’re doing, using their same old ways, probably because they were, treated as such by their own parents (‘cuz these sorts of SHITS still gets passed down, from one generation to the next, like D.N.A.???) and this daughter is going to, have a very difficult time, getting closer to her mother that’s for sure…

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The Parents Were Dodging the Collectors, Abandoned Their Two Young Sons, and Found Guilty of Abandonment

The SELFISH ACTS of these parents, but then again, if we can’t save ourselves, how the F*** (maxed out???) can we possibly save our own young, right??? From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A woman, Shen who has a teashop in Wanhwa owes over millions of dollars in debt, because she could no longer withstand the collectors coming repeatedly to her home to collect, she’d escaped home, and two days later, her husband “ran away from home” to, leaving only the Indonesian nurse’s aide, with their twin eight-year-old sons with cerebral palsy. The Taipei District Attorney’s Offices believed that the twins weren’t capable of taking care of themselves on their own, they’d charged the couple with abandonment.

The D.A.’s investigations showed, that Sheng (age 52) had monetary and debt difficulties, and last June, the collectors came repeated to her home to collect, she was pressed, she’d taken the time when the Indonesian nurse’s aide went out to pick her twin sons from school, and escaped to the south to dodge the collectors.

Two days later, her husband, the elderly Su (age 72) also followed suit, and while the Indonesian nurse’s aide went to school to pick up the two young sons, he’d, made his way to his relatives in Hsinbei City to hide out. And, the nurse’s aide waited until midnight, and still no signs of him and his wife, she’d, immediately, notified the police; the police notified the Hsinbei Social Services Department to step in.

The social workers found, that this family was listed as a high-risk family a long time ago, plus the Indonesian nurse’s aide’s term was about to be up, and needed to leave Taiwan, they’d needed to place the twins quickly; the couple had an active arrest warrant out on them by the police, and, after the few months of on the run, they were, finally, caught.

As Sheng was taken in by the police, she’d claimed, that because she couldn’t pay her debts, the collectors kept coming to collect, and she was at her wit’s ends, so she ran; she thought that her husband would, take care of their twin sons, and didn’t guess, that her husband would, escape home like she had too; and the elderly, Su claimed, that there was still the Indonesian aide left at home to look after their sons, that it didn’t, constitute as abandonment.

Based off of understanding, in the time that they were dodging the collectors, they didn’t have any contact with one another.

The D.A. pointed out, that after Su made his escape, and although there was the Indonesian hired help, but she’s not the legal guardian or the caretaker legally, and her work visa was about to expire, and she’d needed to leave, and believed, that the couple’s behaviors constitute as abandonment.

And see, how SELFISH these two god DAMN adults were! They’d just, left home, because they couldn’t take whatever the F*** (maxed out???) they started, and left the nurse’s aide, all alone at home, to take care of their two handicapped children, and if that’s not irresponsible, I don’t know what is!

 

 

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Helping Her Sons, to Cover Up a Murder…

Whatever happened to the values of “you do the crimes, you do the times”, or “TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES for YOUR OWN bad behaviors”???  Apparently, this woman had missed out on that “memo”, from NBCNEWS.com, copyrighted on Associated Press…

A woman admitted on Wednesday that she helped two of her children conceal evidence of a gang-related double slaying that occurred at her home, where the bodies were buried in a yard.

Arnetta Welch pleaded guilty to hindering apprehension, Camden County prosecutors said. The 42-year-old is expected to get a two-year probation term when she’s sentenced in March.

Welch bought cleaning supplies and helped with the removal of evidence following the February 2010 killings of Michael Hawkins and his girlfriend, Muriah Huff, prosecutors said. The couple was tortured, beaten, shot and buried in the backyard of Welch’s Camden home, prosecutors have said.

The bodies of Hawkins, of Mount Holly, and Huff, of Cinnaminson, weren’t discovered for three days.

Hawkins, 23, was killed over a gang dispute and a stolen bottle of liquor, authorities say. Huff, 18, had accompanied Hawkins to the home and was killed to prevent her from identifying the attackers, they say.

Welch’s children, 19-year-old Shatara Carter and 24-year-old Dennis Welch, were among 10 defendants who have been convicted or pleaded guilty for their roles in the slayings.

Dennis Welch pleaded guilty to aggravated manslaughter in 2013 and was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Carter, who was 14 at the time of the killings, pleaded guilty as an adult to aggravated manslaughter last year and was sentenced to 22 years in prison

So in the end, who, did you help out, mom???  Did you help your son dodge HIS punishment for the crimes he’d committed?  Uh, HECK NO, and now, you’d implicated yourself too, because you attempted to cover HIS ass, and, was it worth it?  And, what sort of a value, would YOU be teaching your “of age”, ADULT son?  Oh, I know, my mama will wipe up my FUCKED up mess FOR me, which means that I will NEVER need to STEP up, and take the responsibilities for my own behaviors, yay me!!!  Are you FUCKING (and don’t pardon me this time!!!) shitting me here???

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She’s Not a Bad Person, She Just Got Caught Up with the Wrong Crowd

You are, the company you keep!  Or, once again, this, may just be another “rationalization” the parents made…

She’s not a bad person, she just got caught up with the wrong crowd, she used to be such a well-behaving child, I don’t know what went wrong, we’d given her a good education and everything too, believe or not!

She’s not a bad person, she just got caught up with the wrong crowd, and, we tried, really hard too, to help her, but we just couldn’t, she was already, under those bad influences.  She’s not a bad person, really, there was a time, when she was so very sweet, and yet, somewhere along the way to growing up, something changed…

She’s not a bad person, she just got caught up with the wrong crowd, there’s no way, that you can work your way around that, it’s already a fact, that she’d fallen, under bad influences these days here.

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Keep Up with the Kindness and Graciousness, and Don’t Carry the Grudge

A Q&A, translated…

Q: Madam H, who’s been married sixteen years, with two children wrote…

H, who had nothing but animosities toward her husband and her marriage, the main reason being that eight years ago, the husband quit his government job to go for his doctorate.  At first, in the beginning, he would moonlight by teaching, and, all he earned, was merely enough for his spending, a little over a year ago, he’d quit that, said that he needed to focus on his graduation, and started doing NOTHING at home.

H had already had all the pent up displeasures about her husband, which made her refuse to have intimacies with him, and now, there’s this part, the economics (in the eight years’ time, he’d spent over six million dollars on his education, and H, because she must put all her wages into keeping the household intact, she couldn’t save a single penny, she’d felt dangers), which made their relationship even worse.  And, the forty-something husband had the problem of not moving forward, and plus, he saw, that his parents has two properties, and a couple million dollars in saving, and so, he’d not look for a job actively anymore.

The husband blamed H for not acting her duty as his wife, because she couldn’t satisfy him physically; and H blamed him for NOT making a dime, causing her to want to separate from him.  They’d gotten into numerous arguments, and, there’s still NO conclusion, H had plans to move out, to see IF she could get her husband, to realize the importance of her in his life.

My Opinion

H’s marriage IS in a jam all right, but, not to the point that she need to move out.  Based off of what the letter said, the two had just dated a couple of months and decided to marry, and, to date, the marriage had gone on for sixteen years.  From the start when the husband had his tempers and started throwing things, to now, he’s helping her around the house.

Only on the subject of NOT working, H should NOT start by complaining about how hard she’d worked, how much stresses she’s been under, she could start by changing the relationship between them, and, take a discussion attitude in talking about money;  When the couple is getting along well, everything CAN solve itself.  Change the tone, the use of words and your attitude, up ‘til now, I believe, that this marriage still hadn’t reached its potentials yet, first, mend, then, rebuild!

And so, because this L-O-S-E-R is a L-E-E-C-H, after all, he’d only studied, and now, he’s finally graduated, and he still does NOT look for a job, and, the wife’s slaving her life away, no wonder she feels unfair, and this is really bad, because when one of you changed and the other didn’t, the distance between the two of you will get wider, wider, and wider until it can’t be crossed.

 

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Filed under Adult Children, Attitude, Awareness, Belief in a Just World, Betrayals, Broken Promises, Communications, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Enmeshment, Everyone Else's Fault, Expectations, Life, Marriages, Observations, Problems with Grown-Ups, Properties of Life, Relationship, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Translated Work

A Father Took His Five-Year-Old Daughter to Jump a Ditch, and Was Forcibly Hospitalized

 

And that still makes you an UNFIT parent!!!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Jiang, who’s been diagnosed as emotionally unstable, was displeased at how his wife kept ignoring him, he’d set his house on fire, then, used a screw driver, took his daughter hostage, and jumped, with her, into a deep ditch, and was in a stand-off with the police for two whole hours; and the police took advantage of the time when they’re handing him a cigarette, to carry the little girl who’s shocked away, and forced him into the hospital, after he was charged with public endangerment.

“Would daddy burn us to death?”, every time the child spoke of her uncertainties, the family would also fear; in order to prevent any more threatening behaviors from Jiang to his family, the families hoped he could get the complete care and hospitalizations he will require.  The Sanitary Department stated, that they will get a medical doctor’s opinion on the matter, then, see if there’s a need for forced hospitalization.

The man in charge of the Center for Domestic Violence Prevention, Lin pointed out, that last year, they’d listed the Jiang household as a high-risk family, and had sent social workers to visit them regularly, and giving them counsel and the situations are improving, and that Jiang had lost it two days ago, they’d already helped Jiang’s wife and kids by filing an emergency restraining order against Jiang.

The police investigated and found, that the thirty-eight year-old man had been unemployed and stayed at home for awhile now, and the household relied on outside charity, along with government assistance to get by; recently, Jiang’s personality had changed, and every time he’d gotten into a disagreement with his families, he would start throwing things, and had multiple times, set fires to his own place of residence.

Even though, the family had multiple times, scheduled him for hospital stays, but he’d always manage to sneak out.  The nurses from the public sanitations department had three-times, helped him to get hospitalized, but, he’d locked the bedroom doors from the inside, and, the nurses considered that he might be emotionally unstable, and so, they’d left him alone, and didn’t force their way into his room.

At the start of the month, Jiang first used a knife to threaten to kill his own wife, on the 24th, he’d set his own house on fire, the D.A. allowed him to make bail.  Two days ago, in the morning, Jiang was displeased at how his wife ignored him when she was cooking, he’d committed arson once more, and had used a screw driver, and forcefully took his own five-year-old daughter, and jumped into the ditch next to his house, claimed that he will take his own daughter to die with him.

Jiang had several times, pushed his daughter’s head under water as threats.  And, the patrol officers who were called to the scene worked hard to console him, wanted him to think more on his own, along with his daughter’s behalf, and asked his wife and made communication between the couple possible, but they’d still argued nonstop.

The police saw how shocked the little girl was, and was struggling and wailing in her father’s arms, and the police pretended to hand Jiang a cigarette, wanting him to calm down so they can talk; as Jiang reached for the cigarettes, the officer managed to get the child, and, the rest of the crew rushed up, and pulled him onto the ambulance that took him to the city’s care facility, and the child who was still under shock was sent back with Jiang’s eldest brother.

And so, because you were unstable, you jeopardized your own child’s life, what SORT of a father are you?  And, you SHOULD be forcibly hospitalized, whether or NOT you like it, because something IS wrong with you, after all, you’d made your families live in fear for their lives every single day, and that, is how there are still so many unstable adults, and, the ones who suffered the most are still the kids!

 

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Thoughts of an Addict

Here Comes Another “Round” of Abuse…

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