Category Archives: Moods, Emotions, & Feelings

Please Let Go, and Trust in Me, Having an Overbearing Mother

The problem here, is still NOT with the daughter, but with the mother, but, does she realize it???  Of course N-O-T, translated…

From awhile ago, on the news, a certain organization had been losing money by the year, the second-generation owner decided to sell of the office building, for cash, the founder, as he was, interviewed, stated, “My heart ached as my son did it, but now, I’d, trusted in his decisions entirely!”

This pair of father and son made me so envious, and at the same time, I’d, felt heartache for them both, because how I’d, wished that my own mother, can trust me like this father had his own son too.

From the views of the world, I guess, I’m, the pride of my parents: made high grades, gone to an all-star institution, and, managed to pass the exams for a public office on my very first try, I’d never needed my parents to worry over my school performances or my work.

Although my mother stated verbally, that I’d, done well for myself, but she’d, never had faith, that I can, handle things on my own, whether it be how I’d spent my money, how to treat others I meet, whether to have children after I married, who should care for my child if s/he was born…………my mother’s criticisms came at me, never-ending, “it’s for your sake”, was her most widely used phrase, and her weapon.

She’d never understood, that what she’d believed to be a show of care and concern, her nagging, was interpreted as how she didn’t trust me enough, I’d tried to tell her, but her response was always, “Those with your last names, can’t take any criticisms from others!”

When I was interning, I’d, lived at home, I’d had a crash on a rainy day, and, as I’d, bent my knees, my injuries started bleeding, but I’d not let my mother know, I’d, bent down, holding the pains in, as I’d helped clean up the house, until my mother rode out to get the groceries, and found the head of the motorcycle dented, that, was when she’d, found out.  I’d gotten into another, serious crash after I was married, and, it’d been years to this very day, I’d still, not told my parents what had happened to me.

Of the two wrecks I got in, I was, very scared, but I knew, that other than feeling anxious over me, and nagging me, my parents couldn’t do anything for me, and they’d, surely, blamed me, for being, too careless too.  And so, no matter how painful, I’d much rather, hide the truth from them.

I’d never doubted the love my mother had for me, but every time, as I’d, wanted to show affection towards her, she’d started, lecturing me, and in the end, she’d added, “Nobody else is going to tell you this, I’m your mother, that was why, for your sake, I’m, telling, you the truth!”  in my mother’s mind, I’ll never be, enough, there are, always things, I can, improve, and, all of my good performances are, matter-of-fact, and yet, the imperfections, are what pricked at her, and she’d needed to, get rid of them.

But, my dearest mother, you know what?  Your daughter may not be perfect, but, she’d always tried very hard, worked hard, can you just, let go, and trust in me?

And, hopefully, this woman’s mother can see this article, and change the way she interacts with her daughter, but, I’m still, NOT holding MY breath, because parents like these, they think what they’re doing, IS for the good of their young, and they just keep on, doing whatever the F*** (maxed out???) they’re doing, using their same old ways, probably because they were, treated as such by their own parents (‘cuz these sorts of SHITS still gets passed down, from one generation to the next, like D.N.A.???) and this daughter is going to, have a very difficult time, getting closer to her mother that’s for sure…

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Adult Children, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Enmeshment, Everyone Else's Fault, Family Dynamics, Getting Exposed Too Young, Lessons, Life, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Overbearing Parents, Overinvolvements of Parents, Parent-Child Interactions, Problems with Grown-Ups, Properties of Life, Psycho Parents, Socialization, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

The Air, My Friend

The column by Jimi Liao, translated…

I Heard His Cries

I Felt His Despair

I’d Touched His Sorrows

I’d, Closed the Book

He’d, Vanished So Suddenly

Then, Immediately, Came to Me Again

And so, this showed, how the pen IS, mightier than the SWORD, the words touched people, even AFTER they’re done, getting spoken out there, and the influences of words will keep on carrying over…

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness, Childhood, Coping Mechanisms, Creative Writing, Despair, Growing Up Too Fast, Lessons, Life, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Values, Writing

Holding You Close, Traveling Back in Time

This one is about regrets, I’m afraid, translated…

Based off of Chinese traditions, during the month of recovery after birth, women aren’t supposed to go outside.  And, I’d finally waited until my daughter was one month old, I couldn’t wait, to sneak out; but, my daughter was fast asleep in my arms, I couldn’t leave her home alone by herself, so, I’d gotten a thought, “why not just leave her in the car seat.”

My excitement had totally caused me to neglect the traditional beliefs of “the Heat in June is Going to Burn”.  As I’d started the car, I’d driven into the city.  “Hey!  When did this furniture shop get set up here?”  In order to make sure that daughter has a nicely shaped head, as well as good skin, I’d parked the car by the side of the road, and turned off the ignitions, lightly shut the door, I wasn’t going to be long anyways.

When I’d opened up the car again, it was, half an hour later, and I saw my daughter, SCREAMING, CRYING at the top of her lungs, her face had turned purple, it’d shocked me, a first time mom, had I returned a few more minutes later, I may have lost my child.

I’d wanted to drive backwards, to twenty-two years ago, and wipe away this heart wrenching moment, hold you close to me tightly, so, you, the newborn, won’t have any fears, and I would’ve not let you out of my sight for even a few moments in time.

And so, this, is the mistakes of a first time mother, she’d been locked up for too long, and, she’d wanted to get some air, and so, she snuck out of the house with her daughter, and, left her infant child in the car, because she didn’t think that she’ll take too long, but, by the time, she’d come back, her baby was SCREAMING, and that, made her realize, how fragile a young life is, and, that, is a lesson learned, the HARD way, rookie mothers………

Leave a comment

Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Carelessness of Adults, Cost of Living, Lessons, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Wake Up Calls

Rainy Days

From a Chinese blog I’m a subscriber to, translated, by me…

The days of rain, made me feel like I’m molding up

In the boredom of my days, I’d only had books, to help me pass the time now

Oh, how I hope, I could, graduate sooner………

Don’t force me to do something I don’t want to do

There’s nothing wrong with me, not wanting to talk, not having an opinion on stuff

And, I’d much not wanted to get punished for it

You want me to pretend?  I simply, can’t

Being a good student constantly, it’s become, too tiresome to me now

And, my bad temper still didn’t just start yesterday either

So, this, sounds like a teen, wanting to be left alone, by all of her/his adult counterparts, but, you see, the adults, they just won’t leave you alone, and how is it that I know?  Oh yeah, I was once, a teen too, and this, is just the internal workings of someone who’s juggling life, as well as her studies, and, life, is not at all, easy, for the children in this day and age, so, STOP pushing them already!

ghfggdrbjn1

Leave a comment

Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Properties of Life, The Teenage Years

Finding Refuge in the Silence

I’d found refuge in the silence, it was so loud before that it disturbed me in my thoughts, but now, it sounded very peaceful, and I have NO clue what brought about this change.

Finding refuge in the silence, this, usually takes some time to achieve, because nobody’s used to the silence that quickly, but, eventually, you’d learn that no matter how hard you’d scream, how loud you cried, after all that passes, it’s still the DEAD silence, accompanying you, and so, you learned to deal with it.

And soon, you will discover that hey, silence isn’t at all that bad, in fact, it’s kinda comforting, with just ME and me alone.  Finding refuge in the silence, is what you must learn to do, so, SILENCE yourselves, and, at first, the silence might get too loud for you to handle, but hey, that’s the FIRST step to dealing with it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Being Alone, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Philosophies of Life, Socialization

The Burdens from Caring for a Developmentally Delayed Child was Too Much, the Mother Jumped into the Water, the Father Tried to Save Her, Both Parents Ended Up Dead

It is hard enough, taking care of a normal child, and this family needed to care for one that’s developmental delayed, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A woman with a Chinese descent, Chen was found, drowned to death, close to where she lived, in a large ditch, her husband, Wang was missing; and because Chen had prior records of attempting suicide, and was saved, the police believed, that it was because of the stresses she’d faced, taking care of her developmentally slow son, and she couldn’t handle it, took the leap into the river, and her husband who couldn’t swim went after her, and was drowned too, and missing, the firefighters are searching for Wang through the nights.

The police investigated, that Wang (age 39) , married Chen (age 30) from China, both of them worked in a factory, has a six-year-old and a two-year-old son, but the older child was developmentally delayed, and harder to care for, the couple got along really well, but, because taking care of their older child was hard, and so, they’d gotten into verbal altercations from time to time.

The police told, that the three generations of the family lived under the same room, the grandparents on the first floor, Wang and their children, on the second; at around four in the afternoon yesterday, the youngest child cried about how he wanted his mom, tripped and fell at the entry of the staircase, the grandfather didn’t see the daughter-in-law come down to check on the child, felt it was odd, and, after the grandfather gone upstairs, he’d found both the parents aren’t around, immediately called it in.

The family stated, that Chen, ten days ago, had gone to the drainage systems in Hsiu-Shui to attempt to drown herself, but, her father-in-law found her in time, and prevented her from so doing; yesterday afternoon, Chen went out again, and her husband ran out without putting on his shoes, perhaps, because Chen wanted to kill herself, the husband ran after her, to prevent her from doing so, and, to save his wife, he leapt with her, but, because he couldn’t swim, they both drowned.

Chen left behind a notebook, with the final words for her son, “Mom knows you’re not a healthy child, but, mom will go, to a far away place now, to watch you boys grow up from afar.”  “Mom really loves you very, very, very much, you are my cherished babies, both of you…”, as the family members read how Chen spoke of nothing but love toward her sons, they all felt bad, that she had died.

The relatives of the Wangs said, that the eldest son is slow-to-learn, and reacted slowly, the family would take him to the hospitals for follow-ups, the parents of Wang not only helped the couple look after the child, also treated Chen, their daughter-in-law, as if she were their own, they couldn’t figure out, what drove Chen to commit suicide.

Perhaps, it’s how she felt awful about her son’s conditions, and she could do nothing about it, and, with the strains from her day-to-day living, she just couldn’t get through, but that, is all speculations now.

Leave a comment

Filed under Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Children with Rare Conditions & Special Needs, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Family Matters, Hindsight, Life, Lives Lost, Loss, Messed Up Values, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Moral Responsibilities, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Suicides, Tragedies in the World, White Picket Fence

The Sense of Helplessness that Accompanies Me, in Caring for You

Been feeling it, quite a lot lately, actually, with the progression of your dementia, we’d placed you on meds, took you to a TON of supposedly-helpful classes, and now, they’re kicking you out, because you’d become, disruptive to others, and couldn’t concentrate for a long time…

The sense of helplessness that accompanies me, in caring for you, nobody can and will EVER understand, for I’m one, fighting, this war that I know I can’t EVER win!  But, I keep, fighting on, took you to the doctors, and watched him, wrote out that one MORE prescription slip, for your meds, and, I’d wanted to ask him, is there any way, that I can, slow down the progression, but, the words, got swallowed down, and, it’d tasted bitter, as they, trickled down my throat.

The sense of helplessness that accompanies me, in caring for you, why am I the one, who must handle it all?  When you’d stayed with me, you’d talked of your other kids, as if, I don’t even matter, how, how can you forget me, I am, your caretaker, your other kids are either way too busy, or they don’t want you, only me, I was, the only one who took you in, and this, is how you repay me?

The sense of helplessness that accompanies me, in caring for you, does it ever, go away?  I know I shouldn’t, and I feel, extremely guilty for it, but, why can’t you, just die already?  You’d already, outlived your husband, isn’t that enough???

Leave a comment

Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Life, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Vicious Cycle